#althinkertoys

[airecla-blog]

THINKERTOYS: Preface (II)

Alright. I’m finally back again to work on myself! 

I’ve been putting reading off because I’m lazy. School also started and then there was the hurricane scare, so I’m still trying to get into the classes I want. Because of that (and my laziness), I haven't done any homework!! Yay. Me. :-) 

Anyway, this past week has been rough. I’m trying to rethink my life plan and maybe just learn to focus on myself and only myself. It’s all in God’s plan and timing. 

Anyway, that’s where I’m at right now. Shall we begin?

In the book, it said that Richard Cohen explains, 

“‘The one thing that’s always in my control is what is going on in my head. The first thing I did was to think about who I am and how I could prevail. By choosing my feelings on a conscious level, I am able to control my mood swings and feel good about myself most of the time.’”

For background information, Cohen is an author and producer for CBS. He had multiple sicknesses and lived in discomfort for most of his life. I just wanted to mention that because it genuinely amazes me to know that it is possible to keep a positive attitude through all the adversities in the world. It is also humbling and reminds me of the time when I was crying my eyes out at work because I had a really bad fight with someone I love. Someone popped into my office and told me that he recently found out his wife had cancer again and his dog also died, but he’s still trying to keep a positive attitude. It made me feel like a jackass, but it made me stop crying because it brought me down back to earth and gave me perspective.

I constantly struggle with my emotions and controlling my thoughts. My feelings consume me and bring me to think such dark thoughts. It really affects me and the people around me, which I really hate... I want to work towards being a positive person who isn’t affected by the smallest things and assumes the worst. It is one of my biggest flaws. I want to embody his type of mindset.

The book continues,

“... life is like standing on a rolling ship. You’re going to fall. And it’s a constant challenge to get up and push yourself to keep going. But in the end, he said, the most exhilarating feeling in the world is getting up and moving forward with a smile.”

Everything before the bolded text depicts where I’m currently at in life. The bolded is where I want to be. How will I do that? Through practice with this book and consistency.

And this is the exact goal:

“You long to become more alive and creative in your personal and business lives. The feeling for it is the most primitive feeling a person can have. The feeling for it is as primitive as the feeling for your own well-being.

… The person who believes he is a subject is frank open-minded, sincerely going ahead, facing the situation freely, and looking for ways to make things work and get things done.”

I want to be present in my life and purposeful in this world. I want to be my own boss; create a passion project that turns into a business and then build a team to work towards my dream. I didn’t mean to rhyme, but it works. Haha. I don’t know what exactly I want to do, but I know that in order to do anything, I need to be that type of person to succeed.

Here’s a tip from the book:

“Creators are joyful and positive. Creators look at “what is” and “what can be” instead of “what is not.” Instead of excluding possibilities, creators include all possibilities, both real and imagined. They choose to interpret their own world and do not rely upon the interpretations of others.”

That’s super important! I find that in times that I can be creative, I allow myself to experiment and learn from my mistakes. It’s totally refreshing being in that type of mental space and environment because I know that I can always change and try again. At the same time, I can be excited about my ideas coming to life and see people interact with it in real life, which is totally awesome! :-)

Wowowowow… OKAY. I just want to include this paragraph because it hit me in the face:

“It’s impossible to be creative if you are negative. Most people presume that our attitudes affect our behavior, and this is true. But it’s also true that our behavior determines our attitudes. You can pretend or act your way into a new attitude. We choose to be positive or to be negative.”

Ya. Sorry, I know it’s repetitive, but bro, the book just called me out. I constantly feel sluggish because all I do is stay in my room, sleep and go on my phone. By putting myself in a shitty environment and not taking action, it dampens my mood. I don’t feel like doing anything and I become grouchy and self-loathing because I’m lazy. 

Someone I love once told me, “The mind is weak if you think like you speak. It’s DOING things that will make or break [you].” He’s telling me that no matter what I tell myself or say I’m gonna do, it’ll never change my mindset and life because I’m not doing anything about it. I’m not putting in any effort into being better. I’m not showing it. 

I’m going to end this post with this powerful paragraph because it puts your fate into your own hands:

“No matter how indifferent the universe may be to our choices and decisions, these choices and decisions are ours to make. We decide. We choose. In the end, our own creativity is decided by what we choose to do or what we refuse to do. And as we decide and choose, so are our destinies formed.”

Let’s get this shit.

[airecla-blog]

THINKERTOYS: Preface (I)

So right now it’s showing me 3 images drawn on 3 different papers; one, an irregular squiggle; two, nothing; and three, a diamond at the center. The book is asking me which one I think depicts my “real self” best. 

It’s definitely not the diamond. Don’t know what the hell that means. Maybe someone who’s put together? Anyway, it’s either the blank paper or the irregular squiggle paper. Blank paper because I have no idea where I’m going in life. I have interests, but I feel as if they’re dead-ends. Also, I feel empty like I don’t have anything that I’m striving for right now. On the other hand, I think the better option is the irregular squiggle paper because even though I’m lost, I’m trying. It’s like what Karin Bohn showed in her video, success doesn’t look like a straight line, it looks like a squiggly line. There’s no exact formula to it, you just figure things out along the way. Plus I’m a messy person--figuratively and literally. So there. This is my answer: my “real self” looks like an irregular squiggly line. 

Okay. Wow. Hold on. Let me just tell you what it said in the next paragraph:

“The majority of people choose either the squiggle or the blank sheet. Almost none chose the diamond-shaped dot. Yet, the sheet with the dot is the most centered and solid and has the most feeling and potential. The blank sheet feels empty and meaningless. The one with the squiggle creates an impression of disturbance and incoherence.“

Well damn, bitch. Lol. What an accurate description. I promise I didn’t read on before I answered the question. Haha. The way I’m doing my post is I’m reading and once they ask a question, I reflect over here and then read on afterwards. Moving on.

Can I just share another thing? The book says:

“We know the diamond-shaped dot was what we wanted to select but, in some way, our sense of self made us feel unworthy, and so we rationalized why we selected the squiggle or the blank. It is the same way in life.“

Um... Girl... U betta preach. Was I not just talking about this in my last post? I felt that. Constantly in my life I feel like I’m not able to do things because it’s as if I create this lane for myself that I can’t step out of. By knowing that whatever I want to try to be good at or learn is out of my lane, I put my foot in the water, but immediately take it out because it’s too cold. It’s not in my lane. I try it out, but I can’t fully indulge and give myself my best shot because it’s not “where I’m supposed to be.” And that, my friends, IS HORRIFYING AND SELF-DESTRUCTIVE. I limit myself because I view myself in such a small and dim light. HOW CRAZY AND SAD IS THAT!? It’s time for changes. Reading on.

“The person who believes he is a subject is frank, open-minded, sincerely going ahead, facing the situation freely, and looking for ways to make things work and get things done. The person who believes she is an object is inhibited, pushed, driven, acting by command or intimidation, has a one-track mind, and is always looking for reasons things can’t be done or why things can’t work. They cannot deal with life as free and happy people; they are narrowed and enslaved by their attitude.“

Pretty sure Michael Michalko is calling me out rn. How are you gonna do that to me, man? 

Okay--no exaggeration--I couldn’t have picked a better book for me. You know when you read astrology and you try to reach for the relevancy and truth in the horoscope in comparison to real life? I thought it’d be like that reading this book, however, I would talk about my feelings on here only to read it again in the book later on. It’s super insane to feel like I can genuinely understand and connect with this material because now, it motivates me to read on and open up. 

Going back to the paragraph previously written, the subject is definitely the type of person I want to change into and that’s why I started blogging to see if it can actually happen. The reason why I want to embody those qualities is because I envision myself either working creatively with a team or being my own boss and maybe of others too in the future. I enjoy independent work where I can lose myself in a passion project, but I also love collaboration and being surrounded by people who helps me to grow and never stop learning. Having those skills and qualities creates a space of enlightenment, motivation, hands-on opportunity, quick-thinking and problem-solving, which is what you need being in a team or a boss. As I’ve constantly said, I limit myself with my attitude and mindset, which causes this never-ending stagnation. These excuses and this laziness will finish me! I cannot continue to be this way or else I can’t live the life I want. Let’s get to a better place. Shall we?

Alright, sorry if it is abrupt, but I’m ending this here. It’s almost 2 in the morning and I’m hella tired. Lol. UNTIL NEXT TIME!

[airecla-blog]

THINKERTOYS

Gonna start reading and documenting this journey of changing the way I view myself and how I think. I’ve really been in a rut since... I’d like to say... high school. I constantly am in a slump, sad over the fact that I don’t know what my purpose is. I’d really like to figure that out. I know I’m a very passionate person when I take interest in something. What seriously holds me back is my lack of confidence and fear of failure. I don’t feel afraid to experiment, but I think in order for me to be comfortable to do things full-out, I need to be comfortable with everyone and everything in my environment--so maybe I am afraid after all. Haha. I’m silly. I sometimes have these crazy ideas to do something and I realize now that I never follow through with them because I pay too much attention on my limitations, whatever they may be. Anyway, I’m in college and I was supposed to graduate this year, however, I didn’t because I was too busy not giving a shit about the classes I was taking and retaking (smh). They couldn’t keep me interested and motivated enough to even finish assignments. I’m literally just trying (barely) to finish my AA so that I can actually take classes that are more enticing. I still don’t really know what I’m into, but hopefully as I get to know myself, I’ll figure that out, what I’m good at and create a passion project for myself. This has all been very repetitive and boring, so I’ll just start reading and do my first progress post! Wish me luck. Praying I’ll stick to it. *fingers crossed*