#am not trying to be mean i'm just so fuckign tired

[parkitaco]

ok people. i really don't want to have to be saying this but i am once again being struck by the lack of etiquette in the byler fandom and just in current fandom in general so i just. have to say something ok

first off i'm gonna say that fandoms come from a place of love and i know everyone most people have good intentions and love their fic authors but the etiquette around fics and art and all that lovely stuff is,, how shall we put it,, literally nonexistent.

listen. i love writing fic. i love that people like reading my fics that's insane hello?? i love getting comments and kudos and getting messages from ppl who are excited about my future projects it's great!!!

that being said, when i receive messages asking when things will be out/comments on wip wednesday snippets asking if the fic is out yet/messages asking me to tag them when the fic is published, regardless of how good the intentions are it comes off as very demanding and doesn't make me feel good as a writer who is doing this Voluntarily and For Free.

fanfic writers do this for fun!! we are not machines, we are people with our own lives outside of fandom and those lives have to take priority most if not all of the time. this means that yes!! sometimes fics take a while to write!! sometimes chaptered fics take a while to update!! and guess what?? that is totally ok. fanfic writers taking their time is not a bad thing. it means they care and are taking their time to create quality content. it means that they are spending time tending to their real personal lives, which is a normal and healthy thing to do.

there are plenty of posts about why demanding faster updates is bad, and i think that's pretty common knowledge, but i want to talk specifically about these very enthusiastic comments/messages/etc because i don't think anyone means harm but the thing is that fic authors simply do not owe you anything. we don't owe it to you to let you know when a fic will be out, we don't owe it to you to tag you when it is, and we definitely don't owe it to you to provide information that you can easily find out for yourself. as a writer i'm already putting insane amounts of pressure on myself and receiving it from other people, even if that's not the intention, is just not a good feeling.

especially because much of this information is readily available to you!! while you may not be able to find out when a fic will be out (which is probably because the fic author doesn't know either), you are entirely capable of checking the timestamp on a post to see how old it was, then using a little thing called Critical Thinking Skills to determine whether it's likely the fic has been posted or not. if so then great!! most authors have their ao3 accounts linked somewhere on their blog page so YOU (yes, you!!) can go look for the fic on ao3!! if you don't find it, ao3 has a super cool feature where you can subscribe to an author, so you'll get an email notification whenever they post!! and while you're there, if you're truly desperate for something to read, you can always go through the fics they've already posted, and if you've read everything there already and/or they haven't posted anything yet, check their bookmarks and see if there's anything there you like!! and as a last resort, there's always the trusty old search bar on ao3, which you are capable of filtering to every last preference!! the byler fandom is huge and there are tons of fics out there so undoubtedly something will fit your taste.

i know that can feel daunting, and i know it's disappointing when a fic hasn't been posted or updated yet, but the good news is that if you're seeing a snippet it means the author is working on it!! a little patience never hurt anyone, and taking those steps to determine for yourself what's going on with the fic rather than bugging an author who is just trying to go about their life and work on content during whatever free time they have just proves that you care. the simple fact of the matter is that fic authors don't do this for attention, they do it for fun, and therefore we can't cater everything to you or answer questions that you should find the answers to yourself. it's not our responsibility to keep track of people who want to be tagged when a fic is published or want to know when it will be out, because all our energy is going into creating the content you so desperately want!! i'm just begging everyone to be a little bit independent. asking an author for this information just shows you don't care enough to find it for yourself and this sort of laziness is part of why fandoms die.

tldr: fic authors are not machines designed to please you, use some critical thinking once in a while, and please for the love of GOD just go touch grass. breathe some clean air. you'll feel better i promise

[jean-meowreau]

I don’t really get that argunment you had on discord (also what server is that?). You’re saying Thea called it “old tricks” because in her mind bc he wasn’t very good and he was also white?? 😭 I thought she was trying to like say old habits or something, like she was trying to say promiscuity but not so harshly.

(Him being 2 years younger than everyone and an immigrant, she would never think that stuff, she knows what it’s like being an underdog in the nest!)

It's a server with some friends that I am not the owner of so I won't give any more details than that, sorry to say!

So, perspective. She sees a young boy who isn't as skilled as she is, get promised to court. He may be an immigrant, but he's still white. Like I need to emphasize this - he is a WHITE, EUROPEAN immigrant. And especially in the 90s/2000s, that was so heavily prevalent. It was also just an assumption, we were fucking around and talking about different ideas for Thea.

And here's the thing, specifically about your sentence in parentheses. We actually don't really know anything about Thea and how she would act/react. Because this fandom was so fuckign toxic to Nora that she rightfully doesn't want to share any more about Thea.

I'm just saying, take a step back(in general, idk you anon so this isn't directly @ you) from the privileged white gay view of the world for Thea. She's bisexual, black, and a woman in sports. She was brainwashed by a cult and went pro. We don't know if she's deconstructed or what the extent of her brainwashing could be. But, based on others in the nest, the fact that so many KILLED THEMSELVES when Riko was killed, just goes to show the level of it all. Kevin probably wasn't as heavily affected because of his semi-brother status to Riko. Thea, for sure, would have been heavily indoctrinated imo and I doubt, depending on how she is from what we saw, deconstructed much if at all.

A huge part of this centers around the lack of knowledge of cults and brainwashing in the AFTG fandom. The lack of sympathy, as I have seen HORRID, shitty takes calling cult survivors "stupid" for falling into the patterns of abuse and not recognizing and getting out before it gets bad.

I'm just tired of trying to explain it all over again but sending a friend nasty asks is NOT IT yknow? So I was upset on their behalf because they tried to make a JOKE and peope started shitting on Thea for no reason.

Like. It's a lot of the same things over and over again. IDK. I'm really tired and still pretty amped up from yesterday(also bc of some personal stuff) so please feel free to ask for more clarification if needed but know I did not mean for any of this to come off like an attack to you, anon. I'm just tired of these arguments around Thea and the disrespect and rudeness and often times almost infantilised way some people speak to others about her.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

The great regular sleep experiment of 2024 part "REM"

Again I get into bed by 10 or 10:10 ish and an undoubtedly asleep by 10:30... again I sleep, wake briefly, sleep again and wake to find it is 1:44 or 1:45...

Again I lay in bed 2 extra hours trying to sleep before giving up to go pee and feed my cat, alert as can be. Tired, but so so alert.

Again I have had dreams of being back in circumstances involving ex's ex friends and old roommates... This time I am trying to tell someone, "No really, the skinny corset style top isn't mine, it is too small, my rib-cage alone would break it and I don't wear girly things with pink print all over them, it has to be Fine's. IDC if it's black or if you think it would 'suit me'..."

And why? Because men in my life, friends or otherwise were always doing that. They'd find a "girl clothes" in their/the house that's about 2-5X girlier than my gay ass would ever wear, and insist on repeat that it "MUST" be mine, that I am just not remembering and getting defensive, sometimes accompanied with comments of thinking it would look good on me or wanting to see me in it... Always until some other "woman" [because they would not acknowledge my masculinity, other women are women, i'm just a gay] would come forward and be like "Yeah, no I left that here."

And always always always it was someone who should have known me better than that. Someone who could have only missed what I generally wore if they hadn't bothered really looking at me for years at a time in close proximity. And often either my partner, or someone who seriously had no business picturing me in ANY clothes/outfits [like being 20 years older than me]. Very often they would have me confused with another 'girl' with dark hair, even when they are dating me. There is an insult inherent to this.

And now I have to fuckign DREAM that? Bullshit.

Who did I piss off?

But I guess my point is, it's becoming clear that I have been sleeping like this all along, but usually strung together on one end of the day instead of spaced out, so I couldn't really tell that when I am sleeping 8 hours I might only actually be getting half that many REM cycles.

Because either:

-I am having REM cycles faster than most people which means I am getting two in 3 ish hours of sleep, which explains waking in the middle and having dreams on both sides of that [8 hour equivalent in terms of raw REM cycles]

-I am only having one rem cycle per sleep, interrupted, which means currently having 2 per day [4 hour sleep equivalent to most people]

And if you have recommendations for affordable home equipment to measure that I am all ears, because I wouldn't survive going to a sleep clinic.

Every trick I have ever used to combat insomnia is failing me. Self hypnosis, meditations, other things you do before bed that knock people out cold sometimes... Any medication that's made me sleepy before, all of it, none of it.

And I just get to wake up vaguely annoyed I am wasting my precious vivid dreaming time talking to people I removed from my personal space for a reason, and other generic dream actors.

And the night sleep, well that's the one that butts up against the nope-time, 5-10 am... but the day sleep, I have tried to encourage the day sleep to extend itself with no luck either.

If I stopped sleeping at night, I might get the two sleeps crammed back together, but then it's exactly what I don't want, sleeping all day, and also -by virtue of it being regularly scheduled sleep- I won't be sleeping any longer than I am now.

I always liked a half day schedule. I liked it in theory and in the moments I could hold onto it in practice. It solves a LOT of my problems including waking up halfway through the night and not being able to sleep again, and it being too hard to force myself awake all the way till my next sleep time, that's only half a day away at most now.

I just... I need more than 8 hours of sleep, and I am getting 6 on a good day.

And that brings me to the next point... I am pretty sure the conflict is this:

-I have a delayed sleep phase disorder that sometimes looks like a non-24 hour sleep disorder because of how it keeps pushing my bedtime back when I sleep at night [I am a 'night person']

-I am a "super sleeper" in that I have the genes to have shorter sleep cycles or for my body to think it needs one fewer to be alert

-I also have chronic fatigue and require extra rest/sleep regardless, maybe specifically sleep to help with healing and converting adenosine, and this is incompatible with also having the genes of a "super sleeper"

-I am one of those people hardwired to "two sleeps" as was once more fashionable, and this doesn't stack well with everything else or with the societal expectation that I should sleep 8 hours in one block and only at night.

-My most natural time to fall asleep is right after sunrise and that is the ONE time it is most safe for me to run errands now, due to 'infectious dose' [or the dose of virus I -personally- react to, short of infection] vs 'viral load' [virus levels that build up in the air in buildings through the day] and the fucking perpetual plague, so it is the one time I need to be habituated to being alert enough to go out. First thing at opening, after walking there.

In a world without the plague I could probably sleep from midnight to whenever and only have to deal with SOME of the... Byproducts~ of a regular sleep schedule, a lot of people don't expect you to be an early morning person when you are disabled.

Anyway I am just going to start biting people now. [In dreams? who can say! It worked on the sleep paralysis demons didn't it?]

Love that I decided to do this to myself just to make SUPER SURE that regular sleep wouldn't solve my problems...

At least I am not hallucinating or having night terrors, sleep paralysis etc.

[kart0]

Little update !

Heyyy everyone !!!! Just wanted to write lol

So last update I told you I was going to my psych appt but she fucking cancelled it ? And then I rescheduled and then she just fucking bailed on me and didn't even show up to her own clinic ? Anyways I got very very upset and angry bc apparently she was TRAVELLING TO FUCKIGN NEW YORK ????????????? y'all...istg I must be a fucking saint to tolerate shit like this. Maybe I'm too passive...I didn't even allow myself to get mad and tell her but anyways. I guess I just am too used to sucking things up.

Ok so she told me to lower my dosage, and now I'm like ? Hm, I don't think so. And I might have done something really stupid ?

And I do not recommend anyone to do this PLEASE DON'T, TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR ! Erhm.... I might have stopped taking my meds ? For like. A month now ?

It kinda just happened honestly... I didn't have money to buy them, and then I started to forget taking them everyday, and then I guess I just. Idk I just stopped taking them ? And I only did that because I felt ok ? Not too bad, not too good, normal actually. And I know this is such a stupid part of me but I don't really think the meds were working anyways ? And since I dont feel bad, I guess I just. Do not care ?

I don't know ? I haven't been very anxious, I haven't been depressed, my mania ended a few days ago, I feel, normal. And ok. Idk ? When I got depressed it felt really debilitating but then I suddenly became maniac and it was over very suddenly and now I feel better. The only thing tho is now my sleep schedule is FUCKED. But idk ? Nothing else tbh ?

And I do not advise anyone to do this, I am making sure to say it as many times as it takes !!!!! Please ! I am saying dumb things I am not a doctor I have not studied medicine I have no idea what's going on !!! But I do know my body, and I can tell how I feel. And for now, I feel ok.

I am currently tabling at this anime convention and it's been taking my time for many weeks now, preparing merch and stuff, and now it's finally happening and ? It's very.... Idk ? Idk ? Idk idk I forgot the word (I'm not a native English speaker btw) it's when something goes below your expectation ? The event pretty much flopped, the tables were expensive, and I didn't sell too much. Idk ? Today's the last day (thank GOD, I forgot how much of a hassle and a pain and how tiring it is) so let's see how this will go.

I am so excited for my winter break tho !!!!! Can't wait to just play games and draw fun stuff and rot. Yay ! Soon.....

Also ! Haikyuu movie is finally here in Brazil !!!!!!! YAS !!! I AM SO SO SO HYPED AND EXCITED ! I haven't gotten tickets yet ofc cuz I'm busy but soon...soon my dear...

And ? It think I might have a little infatuation with this guy on my class. He is very, and I mean, VERY, handsome, and pretty, he's so good looking, I'm embarrassed to interact with him, and I get all awkward and shy. I just forget how to behave normally ? And I try so FUCKING hard to act normal (more than usual since..I act like this all the time. It's the tism) anyways and I found out he's not actually dating anyone ? Last year I knew he had a gf (she's in my class too) and I swore they were still together, but just were very low profile. Turns out no they broke up. Ugh I just. And he makes silly jokes of me and just, acting like an annoying little shit (he's the youngest sibling) and keeps saying I'm bald and stuff like that (just cuz...I dyed my hair blond ? Idk what his thought process is) anyways so like. I can't even tell if he likes me as a person ? He also keeps saying fuck yourself constantly to me . Like. Uhm ? Idk ? I am very intimidated by him but I can't tell if it's because he's the most beautiful person I've ever seen or if it's cuz of these "jokes". At first I thought it was very mean, and I tend to take things vry literally so I tried my best to not interact with him because i didn't want him to keep saying mean things, and didn't want to ruin even more my reputation or what he thought about me, but then I realized he jokes like this with everyone ? Which, honestly, is very very stupid. Hes a little stupid. I think it's because he's a man.

Anyways, I'm just so confused. I'm trying not to think too much about it because I tend to over project and my mind spirals and I start imagining scenarios and I might get confused and convince myself I have feelings that I might not really have ? Idk... I know I'm a romantic for sure so like. I tend to imagine too much idk idk idk so I keep trying to rationalize and think straight. Like, we don't even get along that well ? I think ? I don't even know if we're even friends ? I know he knows prettier people than me. I'm not very good looking. I'm not very nice too. I'm not good at anything really, and I don't have a very good personality. I am just not good. I have a friend and she's so sweet, and her nickname is "jesus". Cuz she's just nice and hardworking, and she always tries her best. And... I won't lie. I really really like her, and I can tell you all these things are true about her. And...it makes a little. Envious. I wish people thought about me that way I wished I was naturally good, and not having to try my best and work to be normal every single day. I wished people would see how much I'm trying. I really really am trying. But it's just not a natural thing to me, I guess. I always, constantly have this feeling, that I'm always performing. Someone is always watching me. And I always have to be my best and try hard and I just. I force myself to be nicer, more considerate, more careful, more thoughtful. Because these things just don't come up to me naturally. I am not good. Sorry for the rant.

Ugh. I think I just am forcing myself to feel something, y'know ? I've always dreamed about falling in love. I don't think I've ever did. Nor will ever do. I am pretty sure I'm aroace anyways.

Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. Why are boys so stupid.

I just hope things don't turn out the way it did before, with my ex best friend. To sum up, he had feelings, I THOUGHT I had feelings too, but I just really really liked him, as a friend. As a best friend, in fact. So I ended up things and we just. Don't talk or hang out anymore. Which made me pretty upset, and made me think I might had actual feelings. Turned out I was just fucking lonely and miserable, and he was my ONE ONLY friend. Now that I've been hanging around with my uni colleagues, I don't feel that alone anymore. I made more friends ! Yay !

Also ! Happy pride month ! Happy to say that it's been some months since I came out as gender fluid, and I am so proud and never been better and as confident ( with my physical appearance) as I was before !

Ugh anyways, thanks for listening to me. As always, I will try to work on myself and become a better person every day. Thank u all !

Oh ! Ps: I've been slowly eating more ! I might fail sometimes but I've been making sure to at least go to bed with a full stomach. So I won't wake up dying and feeling miserable and in pain. So this is an improvement I believe !

[gabichive]

idk im having thoughts like rlly i thin ka lot of fandom wars are so so stupid like you think id seriously try and drag someonewhen im pretending to live inside the mirror of some guy?? but also im actually maybe a little bit toxic about a different music "niche" entirely (its not a niche its rlly huge) and i have to say like. mean comments by *rmys, bl*nks, etc? dont even hurt anymore bc i expect kpop fans to be vile to each other. mean comments in that otehr niche though? feels sooo much mroe personal like how DARE you say that about my babygirl (30 year old man)??????? anyways those were jsut thoughts i was having like im not spared from being an asshole, liek i dont go and insult people, but i saw some whining about technical stuff (that reminded me a lot about ppl whining about a loss of views when their vids already have like multiple millions like omg shut up one hes a billionaire two hes not makign any losses three i would fuckign KILL for my faves to get that kidna views are u kidding?????? sigh i have thoughts about competitiveness in this genre too and about streaming but this is getting long anyways) and in my head i was all "lmao, weep" at them and maybe im scared im becoming mean. then i realized i was the villain all along so it doesnt matter right? im the villain the villain the villain. im the villain the villain the vill

anon I'm so sorry i don't think i have the brain capacity to answer u like i think i agree to what i understood? and i too am mean no one is free from it but also the drippin quote broke me and idk how to handle it 😭 but yeah i get where you are coming from and i don't think you are mean maybe just tired? bc as u said u don't insult anyone you just think that when u see ppl complain about things that you don't think are completely fair (? For lack of better word)

[maptoourescape]

Hi. :) Just one thing regarding Tom and Heidi. Please, tell me we agree that Tom missing out on Bill's 1st fashion show was massive wrong, and that unless he'd be working or sick, there would be really no other reason for him to miss it? Nothing bothers me more than thinking that if it wasn't Heidi, Tom would be there. I'm so mad at this and getting really tired of. :(

Anon, you are definitely not alone when it comes to this. We do, in fact, agree. Even if Tom had potential work to do - I’m pretty sure it could all be postponed to a later date. But it wasn’t work that dragged him away from Berlin now, was it? We all know what (or well, who) it was.

Only two years ago - unless he was really, really sick or something - there’s no way he’d be missing out on this occasion. This has been Bill’s lifelong dream. Tom is his best friend. Imagine not having your best friend by your side when it comes to such a big milestone? And Tom is just so much fucking more than just a best friend.

It is exactly how you’ve put it. Were it not for Klum, things would remain at a peaceful status quo. As it is though, we have anything but. I’m so done with people screaming “buT TheY ArE noT ConjOinEd TwiNs”. Bitches be missing the point. The two of them can lead their lives on their own accord just alright, everyone knows they don’t have to spend their every living, breathing moment with each other. But this is about milestones. It’s about sharing a very meaningful experience. This means a shit ton to Bill, and Tom knows it. Or well, he should know it.

It’s disgusting to know that the reason behind this character regression in Tom is none other than Klum and Klum alone. Without Klum, Tom would be there, supporting Bill, sharing Bill’s euphoria with him. EVEN A YEAR AGO, there is NO WAY Tom would be missing out on something like this. EVERYONE KNOWS THIS, IT’S LITERALLY UNDENIABLE. So why is it so hard admitting it’s true that he’s a changed person. Why are people so eager to find excuses for it?

“But Bill was so happy anyway, he didn’t seem bothered Tom wasn’t there!” – Yes he was – and thank fuck that no one took that experience from him. But you bet your ass he’d love for Tom to be there, one way or another – that much is undeniable. I dare anyone to find my fuckign address, look me in the fucking eyes, and tell me otherwise and mean it.

“But maybe Tom had plans, tickets booked etc.!” – He ain’t exactly the poorest person in the universe. If he wanted, he would have made time. If he wanted, he would have rescheduled anything and everything. Even if it came to buying new plane tickets if he already had his. Even if it meant traveling to the other side of the world. The Tom we all know and love would do that.

“Ha! Tom is not even with Heidi in Tokyo! And stupid people keep thinking it’s all her fault…” – Well guess what – it is her fault, for she is emotionally manipulating him into being a completely different person. But it’s also his fault for letting this happen. Sure enough he’s a victim of circumstance, and of course we should not blame victims for doing things that are out of their realm of understanding. But with me personally, there’s only that much victimhood I condone before it turns into a complete shit show of moronic clownery.Now try guessing really quick if Tom already reached that point in my opinion or not lol.

I don’t care if he’s not with her in Tokyo. Honestly, kinda I wish he was. That way I could have at least had the mentality that “she dragged him along”. But she didn’t. And he still decided he’d rather fly back to LA alone instead of attending Bill’s long awaited event and then just fly home together with him.

I don’t care about the details. Unless someone’s wellbeing was at stake, unless Tom’s really sick or something, there is, in my eyes, literally no excuse for him to not be there. None. AT ALL.

But he seems pretty fine to me in that last snap Bill did in LA of them walking the dogs. So there’s that.

I’m tired as well. To the point where I’m not even bothering myself with updates and what not. I’m quietly lurking in other fandoms and waiting for this to just PASS. I don’t have energy to preoccupy myself with the toxicness of Klum’s sort. Nor do I have the energy to “defend poor misguided Tom” for reasons I already explained. No matter how you look at it, he didn’t show up at the show. In my eyes, he fucked up, and that’s that.

And the fact that this is coming from me (a person who’s been running a Tom Kaulitz RP blog for YEARS) should be enough to let you know how bizarrely done I am with the happenings. I’ve drawn the line. I’m sick and tired. And I want my band back. Because try as you may to convince me otherwise, the band as an entirety has not been the same ever since Klum joined the picture either. But that’s another topic.

I’m still lurking on this blog of course. But the more time passes by, the more I question its existence. What’s the point of RPing someone that doesn’t exist anymore anyway, you feel?

[glimnner]

I'm not sure do you still take prompts. But if yes, 5,klance please? Thannks!!

5. “Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”

Keith knows from past experience, primarily that one time in 6th grade the cutest girl in class asked him out to the halloween dance and tried to make him into a bunny and her the dog, that dances fucking suck. 

“C’mon, Keith,” they said. “It’ll be fun,” they said.

And yet, there Keith Kogane was, the red-to-black and back to red paladin stands, in all his Paladinian Glory, in some grimy corner of the room watching Lance McClain, the true savior of the universe, dancing and laughing it up with someone that isn’t him.

Yeah, dances fucking suck.

Especially when you’d planned on re-confessing to the guy you like and you’re stuck in some slimy corner with girls who don’t know what “no thanks” or “not interested” and “i’m fuckign gay” means while the love of your life is dancing with someone he’s barely even met.

“We’ve known Kainic for awhile now, Keith.”

Dances also tend to especially suck when you don’t know how to shut the fuck up. “I don’t care,” Keith argues. “We knew Kainic when he wasn’t trying to get all over Lance.”

“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?” his brother asks, a devious grin cheshire-ing it’s way onto his scarred face. “Is my little brother, Keith Kogane, the man of never liking anyone, only ever being liked, jealous?”

The paladin gives a glare so hot the pits of hell would quiver in fear. His growl only fuels Takashi’s laughter.

“You’re jealous of Kainic,” he laughs. “That’s why you’ve been a sourpuss for the last hour.”

“Shut up,” he grinds out.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Grumpypants, did I upset you? Is your little impulse control on vacation?” After his younger brother realses a sigh from his nose, his evil grin turns to a soft smile and an arm around Keith’s shoulder. “C’mon, Keith. The Galra Empire’s been defeated to hell. You were doing just fine early, you’re gonna let Lance dancing get you down? You’da thunk you’d be ecstatic to see Lance dancing.”

“I am!” Keith refutes. He swirls a newly-found cup of nunvil in his cup. “Just…I was hoping to speak to him, ya know? I said some stuff on the battlefield while Allura was destroying Zarkon and Honerva and we were with Lotor. I never got a reaction from him and now he hates to even meet my eyes.”

A curious eyebrow is raised. “What’d you say to him?”

The younger paladin looks away, shy and confused and determined to not say a word before he heard one from Lance.

Shiro’s smile turns brighter. “I understand if you want to talk to Lance first. Just do it soon before he’s swept off his feet by someone else. I’ll be with Matt and Katie, okay?”

With a nod and a step off the wall, Keith shoves his way through the crowd with a new feeling of anger and determination, a feeling he himself couldn’t figure out it’s origin. He only has eyes for one thing and it’s tall, lanky, and too-good of a dancer.

Lance, beautiful as he is in his suit, could feel himself being dragged off before he could stop it. A turn of the head is all he needs to identify who would assault him like this.

But Lance doesn’t need that turn of the head to recognize the smell of strawberries radiating off Keith’s form. The dancing scene is getting further and further from his site and he hates it, but doesn’t say a word until they’re alone.

Neither of them do.

Lance doesn’t know what came first. The slam of his body against the wall or the “What the hell is your problem?” in his ear.

“What in the hell are you going on about?” he asks casually.

“You know what I mean, McClain.” And it’s true, as much as he doesn’t want it to be, it’s true. “You don’t just ignore someone’s confession to you.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Not someone you ‘care about more than anything’, not someone you apparently ‘can’t live without’. That’s not some shit you do,” Keith grinds out. The tears welling up in Keith’s eyes are familiar in ways Lance wishes they weren’t.

He’s such a fucking jerk.

“And what would you know about that, huh?” 

It’s in this moment that they would realize that the party, the celebration of the universe’s greatest victory, is too loud for anyone to hear them yelling; that it’s just loud enough for them to have this private moment that’s eerily different from all their other private moments. But instead, they choose to spend this moment looking into each other’s eyes and silently debating on who’s heart is breaking the loudest.

“Keith—you—you’ve never even liked anyone, Keith. How would you know what we have, huh?”

There’s an ugly lump in Lance’s throat trying to stop him from saying things he didn’t mean, things that he couldn’t take back once they were out in the open.

“You don’t know shit about what this is and isn’t! Not one damn thing, because you don’t know that there are people out there better than me desperately wanting to be on your arm!”

“Yeah and I’ve seen all those people and I still want your dumb ass. You who is reckless when I’m not! You who doesn’t know how amazing he is for putting up with me! Or even yourself! I chose you because I have never known love, not fucking once, and I wouldn’t mind standing here yelling at you about how much I love you until you love yourself!”

And in the short pause between Keith’s words they somehow both became tired and out of breath. Lance’s eyes seemed bigger and puffy with tears building up just enough so they don’t spill.

“Because you did that for me. I choose you, knowing that you start saying things you don’t mean when you’re upset or scared. I choose you, because I like seeing you relieved after you tell me your worries the same way I hope I look to you.

“So don’t tell me I don’t love you, because I do.”

Keith doesn’t know where the words came from or how his mind suddenly let everything out in ways he couldn’t do when he’d practiced his first (ruined) confession speech. His head spins with feelings coming that light the darkness of the hallway and Lance’s long arms wrapped around his neck.

“I’m sorry,” the taller boy whispers. Keith knows his voice is only ever that soft when he’s crying, but chooses not to say anything. Usually-gloved hands pull Lance’s face away from Keith’s warm neck to wipe away any tears there. “I’m sorry for being stupid.”

The fierce red paladin smiles brighter than the nearest sun and meshes their foreheads together. “Yeah, that was pretty stupid.”

I’ll accept prompts from here again when I’m finished with the others.