#anaestesiologist

[dollscenerios-blog]

Do you ever swindled when you wake up from anesthesia? The Dr chats it up with me and I'm so happy to answer....then seems as though lifetimes later and he's gone. What did I say??🤔😬😧.. _ _ _ _ _ #anaesthetic #anaesthesia #anaestesiologist #drjohn #drjohnlittlechap #bildlilli #nurseonduty #goingunder #vintagedoll #vintagedolls #remcodolls #dollphotography #dollphoto #dollagram #dollscenarios

[8yues]

i

i have the best meds i’ve ever had and the diagonsis is on point and it’s slowly progressing

but i

it’s fucking hard it’s a low after low after low why do i crush while being on a rush

i’m not that functional

work is keeping me sane but then i doubt i still can call myself sane

people are full of contradictions

sometimes they are okay

and sometimes they are not

(i’m not okay, what’s the point)

someone said that daywalker is how a panic attack feels like and i put it on repeat while having one and the cuts were deeper and sharper and i couldn’t breathe

alprasolam is the only thing that keeps me from escalating

but when i’m fine the song makes me feel powerful and not panicky

nowadays i crave violence, for the first time in a long time not towards myself but others

but cutting after years of not doing it is like a meeting with an old friend

it’s going so well

but the anxiety i killing me

in meds i trust

may they light up my path

the best thing that happened to me in the last months was my hospital stay and surgery, i got good care, peace of mind, was on iv oxy and yeah i couldn’t pee and then i peed myself in the middle of going in and out of sleep but it was so peaceful

amid this chaos i got 3 days in a place where they fixed me and took care of me and shared their knowledge with me and i felt save and untouchable from the outside world

especially lying down in the operating room with everyone so nice, pumping me with drugs and having a convo about them (i have always wanted to be an anaestesiologist) and the moments when i woke up i was high and hooked up

sunlit room when i nodded i guess to wonderful mix of smell of the meds, the chlorine and alcohol cuddling my ocd obsessions