#anchor it. and also no way to ✨be a part of it✨ meanwhile. I know my worth is not defined by the things I write but. but it kinda is
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#it's so sad and lonely that most of fandom happens on discord these days because that just leaves me on the sidelines like ✌️#and like I'm trying to get over it and myself and the ✨trauma✨ but it's just. there's something so lonely about trying to be part of#something and then just fizzling out just like that. especially when there's so many established dynamics and groups and friendships#this is pathetic but it is what it is yknow#but I guess I'm also terrified that I'll come out of this writer's block without my love for ST and steddie just bc there was no way to#anchor it. and also no way to ✨be a part of it✨ meanwhile. I know my worth is not defined by the things I write but. but it kinda is#because what else is there? nothing.#why can't i be a person why can't I be known why can't I let that happen why can't I let people in why does the thought of asking if#I can join a server or something elicit such a strong trauma reaction (I know the answer to that one) why do I still wanna do it#why can't I why am I like this and when does it stop#delete this#but damn fandom loneliness just sucks and I know I'm not alone with this
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