#and FOUR YEARS LATER when they were both drafted by the kraken

[krakenshipwreck]

I always hated playing against this guy. One of the first things he showed me when we first got here was a video of me taking a penalty on him in one of the conference championship games. I don't know how he still had it on his phone, but first time we met I'm pretty sure he showed me that video on his phone. I don't know how we're friends from it now.

--UMD alum Carson Soucy about SCSU alum Will Borgen

[axiomsofice]

2021 NHL Draft: Best Classes

Dallas: it’s tough to get a read on the Stars first selection, Wyatt Johnson, as he didn’t play this year. That being said trading back is usually a win in terms of value, perhaps more so this year than ever. Stankoven and Martino are really good picks that should have probably gone a round earlier than where the Stars got them. I have generally positive thoughts on Grushnikov, Roulette, and Bar as well. All in all from volume to value, Dallas covered a lot of ground with their work.

Minnesota: Judd Brackett might be one of the foremost directors of scouting, and GM Guerin smartly stepped aside and let his scouting staff work their magic. Wallstedt was an absolute steal at 20 and should help carry on the tradition of not conceding many goals against. Lambos was good value just a few picks later, whose play overseas took him out of the top tier of defenders, but he definitely has lots of tools.

Anaheim: picking third was really the first decision of the night, and although maybe not third on my own list, McTavish kept rising as the year wore thru. GM Murray noted that he brings a slightly different style (power) than their the fineness displayed by their other top prospects, Zegras and Drysdale. The Ducks managed to get really nice value on day 2 as well, nabbing borderline first rounders Zellweger and Pastujov in the 2nd round. Tschigrel in the 5th was nice as well.

 Columbus: Trades for Bean and Boqvist notwithstanding (huge wins btw) the Jackets had lots to work with. Kent Johnson at 5th was perhaps a bit bold, but tantalizing offensive prowess is exactly what this team is missing. Sillinger is a nice stylistic compliment to Johnson as a shot generator. Ceulemans was a fine pick and has the skating and physicality to be an intriguing prospect as he honed his game in level beyond the AJHL. I’m a big fan of Svozil, especially in the third. In all a huge weekend for the future of a franchise that’s suffered a long few years of talent depletion.

 Buffalo: It’d be hard not to cone out a “winner” picking first. I’d send Power back to college for a year, but regardless a turning of the page has been needed for this team, and early positives from Coach Granato’s tenure could create an environment for a blueline with two 1st overall picks to start playing as such.

 Detroit: I know many wings fans were hoping for Eklund or Wallstedt at 6th, but they shouldn’t be too upset with getting both Edvinsson and Cossa in the first round. User an is determined to have a defence group filled with towering talent. Edvinsson skates really well, especially for his size, which makes him a near lock to make it to the NHL. He might be a bit raw offensively but he is daring (or creative) and shows flashes. Maybe the fanfare surrounding Wallstedt was a bit higher than Cossa, but it’s never a bad thing to end up with your own top ranked goalie. Buium, Savage, and Mazur out of the USHL along with Dower Nielsen are fine. If I had to guess, stocking up on defenders early in a significant way probably makes sense for a huge rebuild, and adding one of the highly anticipated lottery pick forwards in the 22 and/or 23 drafts means we should expect the Wings to start turning things around 2-3 years from now.

Winnipeg: The Jets had an amazing draft, especially considering their middle of the pack slotting. Lucius is a capable goalscorer, adding Chibrikov in the 2nd was high value as well. Kuzmin is a good prospect, but I really like the fit as Winnipeg is without much offensive skill on the back end (for now, I do like Heinola).

 Los Angeles: Like the Jets, the Kings didn’t have many picks but made them count. Clarke is a great player, and an even better fit for the league’s most prolific prospect system. The two parties should really get the most out of each other. Pinelli, Helenius, and Kirsanov we’re good values as well, and all four players bring a distinct style from each other.

 Nashville: Svechkov and L’Heureux are two really interesting forwards, and heading to a program that has had trouble developing talent at that position makes their significance that much greater. Svechkov was the top ranked Russian on nearly everyone’s list, noted for a strong defensive results and a player who helps get the most out of linemates. L’Heureux is fiery, feisty, and skilled. Grabbing Olsson, a defenceman playing in the SHL, in the 3rd round is great value as well.

 Carolina: The hallmarks of this regime were on full display, trading back and taking lots of interesting prospects. Say what you will about what they’re willing to pay whom, the Hurricanes know how to keep the pipeline flowing. Koivunen, Morrow, and Heimosalmi is a great haul for the second round.

 Calgary: the Flames were also picking middle of the pack, and managed to grab 4 players I really like in Coronato, Stromgren, Huckins, and Whynot. There’s a certain, for lack of a better word, pluckiness? Assertiveness? About Coronato that reminds me of Zary, even Dube, meaning he seems right up the Flames alley, although at least for now Coronato seems to have a bit more offensive upside than those two.

 Seattle: Getting Beniers, who was the only other name that I saw get consideration at first overall, was the right pick. Especially considering how hard it was to find true centres thru the expansion draft (even for Vegas), the Kraken did well to acquire a staple at their weakest position. Winterton was decent value in the 3rd, while Evans and Ottovianen bring different sets of skills to start a brand new system.

 Biggest Steals 

Eklund: thinking Eklund would be gone by this point, I imagined it’d be hard for the Sharks to pass on Wallstedt. That being said I had Eklund ranked 3rd overall after an amazing season in the SHL, where he arguably outplayed highly rated teammate Holtz. Since the Karlsson trade, the Sharks have done well adding lots of talent up front that should start making an impact in the next year or 2. Obviously the goaltending has been a huge issue recently, but adding an influx of offensive talent should help get the most out of Burns and Karlsson while they still have something to give.

Wallstedt had such good results in the SHL already, it’s hard to imagine he fell so far. It is always nice to see a goalie of his caliber go to a team that appreciates defence.

Lysell is a really good player with the harmless kind of “character issues” (from what I understand) which sounds like he just wanted to get icetime. He was barely used in the SHL, so his numbers aren’t anything to look at. Mostly I’m just having Pastrnak flashbacks, dreading the day when he starts lighting it up for Boston.

Chayka I really thought would go higher, as he’s a good two way defenceman who plays a strong pro style game. In that sense he fits Vegas’ modus operandi, and really cements the continued strength on the Knight’s back end.

Raty was in the conversation for 1st overall at the beginning of the year, and despite a rough season there’s no way he should’ve fallen to the middle of the 2nd round. GM of the year every year Lou earning his 21/22 award between this selection and his recent cap clearing masterclass.

Behrens was getting some late 1st/ early second hype, so for Colorado to get him with their draft’s first selection at the end of the 2nd round is quite good, not that they are desperate for options when is comes to young blueliners.

Robertsson fell to the 3rd round, honestly this might be the first thing I’ve liked from the Blues since their cup win.

Duke is way too good to be falling to Tampa Bay in the 5th round. Maybe he’s not quite as obvious a steal as Point was, but Tampa is showing how it built its dynasty.

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #204: Claws Across the Water!

February, 1981

Welcome back, true believers! ... Eh, true believer?

I hope at least one person out there is still into this.

It has been nearly two years. I let this sort of series slip into forever hiatus. My at the time job was really eating all of my energy.

That plus the yellow peril villain two-parter that’s this and next made it hard to get motivation up to get back into it.

But in the time between then and now, I wrote a fixer-upper draft of a pretty okay novel for nanowrimo and started learning crochet. So the time not Avengersing wasn’t entirely wasted.

But now I don’t have a job!

Thus, the Avengers.

Our roster of Captain America, Iron Man, Scarlet Witch, Wasp, Vision, Beast and Wonder Man are going to fight an enormous Ming the Merciless and many fuchsia Laserbeaks from Transformers.

Its a weird but gutsy concept for a crossover.

(Three cooks in the kitchen, writing-wise. Not an auspicious start.)

The issue really starts with a woman named Shu Han sending a secret message for help because she is being held captive by THE YELLOW CLAW.

Yellow Claw has offered Shu Han “honor, unlimited power, a pivotal role in the new history of the world” in exchange for something. He gives her three days to make up her mind, leaving Shu Han unsure of how much longer she can continue to resist.

And a day later, in Avengers Mansion, the Avengers say goodbye to Hawkeye. He had been hanging out with them a couple issues through the Red Ronin thing, the shudder Avengers #200 thing, and yet another Ultron thing.

And then Jarvis comes in with the mail.

Despite the Avengers being the Avengers, all of their mail fits neatly on one tray. And one piece of mail dramatically marked LIFE AND DEATH gets Cap’s attention and he pauses their meeting to read it.

It seems that Shu Han’s secret distress message was picked up by a ham radio operator in Hong Kong.

Imagine. Two hundred and four issues in and ham radios are still a relevant plot point! And yet Rick Jones no longer is. Goes to show...

Anyway, the ham radio operator’s letter says that Shu Han says that she’s being held captive by the Yellow Claw. And since Jocasta doesn’t know who that is, it lets Cap exposit.

Captain America: “The Yellow Claw is a biochemical genius. Well over a hundred years old, he retains his youth through secret scientific methods of his own devising. Unfortunately, he’s also a tyrant intent on destroying every last vestige of western civilization -- at any price! The Claw and I have fought several times in the past. I’d hope we wouldn’t have to again.”

So as you might guess from this, Yellow Claw isn’t a new character. He first appeared in a self-titled book in 1956. And opposing the Yellow Claw in the Yellow Claw was FBI agent Jimmy Woo. Which is slightly better.

Anyway, Iron Man chimes in that he’s heard of Shu Han. She’s a gold medalist in track in the 1968 Olympics. And Beast has heard of her too! She won the 1974 Nobel Prize in Physics!

Both of these things! Shu Han is quite the accomplished person.

And Cap isn’t sure why the Yellow Claw wants an Olympic gold medalist who is also a physicist but it can’t be for anything good!

Vision points out that the Yellow Claw’s island is in contested waters and that actions by the Avengers could cause an international incident. And also it might just be a trap.

I mean, ham radio operator? Really? In 1981?

Captain America: “That might be true, Vision, but the fact remains that someone in trouble has asked for our help. And as acting chairman, the only thing I can say in response to that is -- AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!”

Good attitude, Cap. That’s a good attitude to have.

And the Avengers Assemble, which in this case means run out the door like they’re racing for shotgun in the Quinjet.

Running right past Jarvis who was bringing coffee and ginger cake in. Leaving him to eat the cake himself because heck, no sense letting it go to waste.

I tell ya, Jarvis is underappreciated. Do you know, I don’t think they even invited him to move into Dead Alien Mountain in the current book? Instead they got a man trapped in a gorilla to be their butler. I mean, valid, but you do Jarvis a disservice.

LATER ELSEWHERE

The Yellow Claw stands villainously on a balcony talking with a Dr. Liu and asking him about the status of a project.

Dr. Liu says that there’s almost enough “formula” to begin distribution.

Yellow Claw: “Your words please me, Liu, for I have waited long to grasp this moment. Others may have their kingdoms, their countries, even their continents. But soon, doctor, I... shall have a world!”

But the Avengers’ Quinjet appearing on radar takes some wind out of his sails and he orders the base locked down and defenses activated.

As the Quinjet circles the island, Cap decides to send Wasp and Vision to try to find a way to snoop around undetected.

Vision can just intangible through walls and Wasp can find small entrances.

Of course, when Yellow Claw says lock the base down he means lock it down because even the air vents have been covered up with plexiglass. But Wasp decides to just blow it open and fly inside.

Somehow, even with that, its Vision who makes the more conspicuous entrance, as he manages to intangible in right where some guards happen to be staring at a wall.

Good work, Vision.

For whatever reason, solid snaking through a dark air vent makes Wasp wistful for some time that she and Hank went in a tunnel of love. And he was so shy that she had to teach him SOMETHING.

I’m almost sorry that she stops her internal monologue anecdote when she spots the Yellow Claw.

And here our two sneakiest Avengers both prove that they need to intern with Black Panther for a weekend or something because they both make a goofus.

Vision beat up the two guards that spotted him and just left their bodies where they fell, causing alarum when they were found. See, Black Panther would have told Vision that you need to hide bodies in a locker.

And Wasp falls off the wall while trying to eavesdrop and is spotted by the Yellow Claw.

He doesn’t recognize her as a tiny woman, tiiiiiny woman, but the fact that a bug is in the base at all means that the base isn’t airtight which means one of the air vents has been compromised.

Meanwhile, the Quinjet has continued to circle because there’s no good place to land on the whole island. So Cap decides to land off the whole island and makes a water landing.

Apparently Quinjets are like seaplanes in that regard.

And then as they are trudging through the surf to come ashore, -battle transition music- A SLIME ATTACKS!

Wait, this isn’t a dragon quest. This is an Avengers. They’ve got a man in power armor and a robot woman. We’re sci-fi. Okay so its a cyborg slime.

Or a jellyfish. Or, you know what? It has a beak. Maybe its a kraken. A cykraken.

And it drags the Avengers underwater, which is just what a jellyslimefishkraken cyborg would do, if you think about it.

Beast and Scarlet Witch are SOL. Scarlet Witch’s arms are tentacled to her sides and all of her spells require a somatic component. And she hasn’t taken the feat yet to let her ignore that requirement.

And Beast doesn’t have any leverage underwater to apply his strength and agility.

Cap isn’t doing much better because he’s trying to hit the thing with his shield underwater and the water drag isn’t helping.

Jocasta is doing alright. Her eye beams work perfectly fine underwater at cutting the tentacles. Although the narration calls her a “robotrix” which... what?

And Wonder Man does fine too. Even underwater his super strength is enough to just tie the tentacles in knots.

But Iron Man goes completely limp and the jellyslimefishkraken cyborg grabs him up and sticks him right in its mouth.

But it was a ruse. He baited the thing into eating him so he can repulsor blast it from inside and destroy it, freeing the other Avengers.

Good job, Iron Man. You killed a unique, horrible lifeform.

I think we can see that the real monster is Man. Comma Iron.

Meanwhile, inside the evil villain base, Vision runs into the evil villain. Who asks sincerely what the fuck Vision is doing here.

And Vision responds by immediately firing a laser at Yellow Claw.

Which. Good hustle, Vision.

Buuuut. The guy has an energy field that rebounds the energy back at Vision and knocks him out. Its a proven fact that the villain will always have something to stop Vision from soloing the plot.

Kryptonite, so to speak, is everywhere.

Yellow Claw has Vision taken to his lab to be dissected. FOR SCIENCE!

Outside, Beast goes ahead of the other Avengers to scout.

In his Beasty way, he’s goofing a little, singing the Loch Lomond song. And then he’s attacked by just so many flying blades. A lot many.

And so are the rest of the Avengers.

Wonder Man: “No kidding! One just clipped a lock of Jocasta’s hair -- and that stuff can take a bazooka blast!”

I really like imagining the Avengers testing that.

More than that, I’m amused imagining Jocasta’s deadpan expression as they shoot bazookas at her head.

‘The things I do to socialize.’

Anyway, the Avengers scatter to make harder targets because the blades are clearing the jungle to deny any cover to the heroes. Cap spots the blade launcher and throws his shield at it. Because that’s what he do. And it works. Because that’s what he do.

And since the jellyslimefishkraken cyborg and the “death crescents” hadn’t given the Avengers the hint, Yellow Claw appears before them towering several stories high and tells the Avengers to GTFO his island! GEEZ!

Jocasta notices that giant Yellow Claw casts no shadow and announces that it must be a hologram of some sort.

AND THEN THE METAL DEATH BIRDS

They get very angry when you point out special effect failures.

And then the Avengers do their various Avengers things.

Its an action scene. Avengers fighting robot death birds.

Iron Man jumps upside down in front of Beast to protect him from a missile. And Cap does the same right side up with his shield to protect Wanda.

I do appreciate the teamwork with immediate protecting the squishy members of the team.

Wonder Man hits one metal death bird with another. Because hitting an enemy with an enemy is great. I love grievous harm with a body.

Only thing better? If some Jedi force pushed General Grievous to smash some droids. Grievous harm.

Anyway, Jocasta does her eye blasts again, to great effect again.

Captain America throws his mighty shield and even a metal death bird must yiiiiield.

And Scarlet Witch gets to do something this time because everybody is doing a thing this time. Its a real team showcase.

She. And this is totally what probability alteration is. She changes the probability that a launched missile will just turn around and blow up the robot death bird that launched it. That’s just math.

Iron Man says that since his armor powers were originally based on magnetism, he can just remotely magnetize two of the metal death birds and cause them to smash into each other.

BUT THE BEST ONE OF ALL? And the reason I bothered to synopsize the individual actions instead of just saying “and then an action scene happened”? The best one of all.

A robot death bird launches a missile at Beast and he catches it. He catches it between his toes and throws it back, blowing up the robot.

Spectacular.

So spectacular that we can assume that it instantly ended the battle just because of its sheer majesty. I can draw no other conclusions from the juxtaposition of panels.

The Avengers finally reach the base after spending most of the issue traipsing up from the beach. And the base being locked down is swiftly solved by Wonder Man and Iron Man punching the door down.

My only regret is that neither of them make a joke about knocking. C’mon guys, I can’t be writing your snappy dialogue for you decades after the fact. Publishing doesn’t work that way! I’m not writing a redub!

A bunch of Yellow Claw’s goofy guards all prepare to be ineffectual mooks in a mob brawl but Yellow Claw stops them over the intercom.

See, he’s got Vision prisoner. And while he had intended to dissect him FOR SCIENCE, hostage is equally good. So if the Avengers don’t surrender, Vision will be sliced to bits by dissection laser scalpels.

Anyway, Dr. Liu shows up through a secret door to show the Avengers in to talk to Yellow Claw.

And Yellow Claw says politely ‘why the fuck you on my island??’

Or:

Yellow Claw: “Welcome, Avengers. I am pleased to have such illustrious visitors in my humble home. In fact, there is one thing that could possibly make my bliss more complete -- the reason why you’ve invaded my island, and my privacy!”

Which in less polite terms is ‘why the fuck you on my island??’

At this point, Wasp secretly flies up to Cap and tells him she’s okay.

It’s good to reassure him that she’s not a second hostage but. There was no reason in the plot for her to have entered the base. She accomplishes no things. She arguably makes things worst but its only arguably because she didn’t alert the Yellow Claw any more than Vision already did.

I would have liked if she had tried to free Vision or sabotaged Yellow Claw’s security system or something but that’s not the direction the plot was going.

Anyway.

Yellow Claw asked a question so Cap answers. He tells Yellow Claw that the Avengers are here because they received a distress call from a woman named Shu Han who says she’s being held captive.

Yellow Claw is actually surprised. Possibly dismayed.

He recovers himself quickly and has Shu Han brought in so the Avengers can see she’s not under restraint.

She wasn’t brought to this island to be a prisoner! She was brought to be his bride!

Easy mistake to make, honestly!

Wonder Man points out the should-be-obvious that hey kidnapping is kidnapping even if its for nuptials but Yellow Claw is like ha ha kidnapping no no, Shu Han fill this dumbo in.

And it is. A story.

Shu Han: “I... I wasn’t exactly... kidnapped. You see, when I was very young, a man came to my father’s farm, and, as was custom in my country, an arrangement was made. To be less delicate... I was bought!

“Over the years, I all but forgot the arrangement, as I turned my thoughts and energies towards excelling in athletics, and in science.

“But then, some weeks ago, I was approached by agents of Master Claw, and was brought here. I was frightened, but didn’t know what to do. And so I secretly sent a message, hoping for you help.”

Shu Han has that mix of super good at science and sports you see in superheroes but she’s a normal genius person living her life. It’s going to be weird if she just never shows up again. But also: good for her.

Yellow Claw is just so disappointed that she dragged some randos into their interpersonal drama. And we can see now that the proposal he was proposing at her was “marry me.”

Yellow Claw: “Shu Han, I wished you no harm. I am old -- even my potions cannot stay the hand of death much longer -- and I fervently desired an heir to carry my name when that hand fell.

“Thus I offered you wealth, power, the prestige of sitting at my side. And now you repay me with treachery, with cowardice... with dishonor.

“You wish your freedom that much? Very well, then -- you shall have it!

“Go! For I’ve no desire to take an unwilling bride!”

Yellow Claw: May be a supervillain but is big into consent. I mean, except for the part where he bought a child.

Yellow Claw: May be a supervillain but is big into consent when the alternative is superheroes hanging around.

Shu Han doesn’t look super burned by his speech so maybe that’s why he does what he does. He klaps to bring out a bunch of backup wives to prove that he’s not so hurt by rejection. And that he’s got ‘mad game.’

Yellow Claw: “As you can see, there are others more amenable to that lofty position! So, Avengers, you have what you came for. Please don’t let me delay your departure any longer.”

Or in less polite terms ‘GTFO!’

Cap points out that obviously they’re not going to just leave without Vision so Yellow Claw has some goons carry out Vision like a potato sack.

Iron Man and Wonder Man carry Vision with Iron Man warning that he’s not just going to forget Yellow Claw even though the guy claims he just wants to spend his final years in peace with his pile of wives.

And a good call to not take the guy strictly at his word.

As soon as the Avengers are gone Yellow Claw all about mwahahahahas and says that now his evil plan can commence.

Yellow Claw: “No, Dr. Liu, having one less wife should not effect the project appreciably. For the others, hand-picked like Shu Han for their superior genetic traits, will all give me sons, strong sons whom I will train in the arcane ways.

“Then, when they reach manhood, they shall fight each other, until only the most worthy, the strongest, survives! And it shall be he who shall inherit my destiny! The conquest and eradication of the western world!

“Yes, the plan is still sound, and there shall be no defense against it! For my children, doctor -- SHALL BE THE LAST CHILDREN ON EARTH!”

As far as evil plans go, having a bunch of babies so they can fight to the death is pretty evil even before the conquest thing. And the last children on Earth thing.

Follow @essential-avengers. Or don’t. Honestly, I can’t blame you if you don’t. Throw me a like if you read and liked so I can get a sense of how many people read and liked, if you like.

[bigsnzstanacct]

Introducing Neel and Sirosso

Okay so I got carried away with the whole “character who makes monsters sneeze” idea and whipped up a pair of characters. Hopefully this will become a series. If there are any particular kinds of mythical/legendary/monster creatures you want them to interact with, send me an ask or a message or something. I’m hoping I can make this a little series.

Anyway:

Hard straw. Dull roof. A draft from the window and no fire in the hearth. Another mercenary morning for Neel the Swordtongue. Another inn in another town, another monster for another quest, another meager reward to be exchanged for another night in another inn in another town…

Still, he had a blanket. That he couldn’t take for granted. And a hard straw bed was better than the hard ground. A dull, leaking roof was better than no roof at all. The drafty window, the cold hearth, they were minor imperfections in comparison to some of the lives he’d lived. And even in the repetition of his life, there was a glimmer of hope. Not hope that he’d ever restore himself to the heights from which he’d fallen, that guttered out years ago. But perhaps hope that he’d seen his worst day as well as his best, and that soon both would be equally far behind him, growing dimmer as they grew distant, like the vague outline of the leaky roof of another inn in another town as he walked another road towards another monster and another quest. And then, in a small, guilty place he hid just behind his chest, there was also a little, greedy desire to…

SNOOOOORE!!

Neel was roused from his thoughts by the calamitous snoring of the man beside him. Neel and Sirosso had long since become comfortable sharing a bed—for sleeping only, Neel was constantly assuring the women whose bedchamers he hoped to delight—but Neel could never get used to that snore. Nor could Neel’s nose get used to the Sirosso, as that old familiar itch crept into his nose. It was far too dim to blossom into a sneeze now, just a shudder of faraway feeling as the sensation pulled at his attention. He scrunched his nose involuntarily, though he’d rather coax the feeling out than recoil from it. After all, if Neel could be distracted from his morning’s reverie by his companion, why not his companion awoken by Neel?

Because should the sneeze come to fruition, Neel’s nose would surely awake not only the man beside him but in all likelihood any other inhabitants of the inn who’d chosen to sleep in well past the rising of the sun. That was yet another thing that had changed about Neel. He’d never been much of a sneezer, and when he did sneeze, it was an unremarkable “attsshh!” easily smothered into a cloak or robe. Until he met Sirosso.

Habituation had smoothed if not extinguished his nose’s reaction to Sirosso, but the first time they met, Neel the Swordtongue had briefly turned into Neel the Stormnose. (It required a very firm foot-down and extensive use of his famed sword of a tongue to keep that surname from sticking). He’d sneezed so loud and so long and so violently that he’d scared all the birds out of the trees, nearly caused a stampede out of the barn, and caused the town guard to hunt down the source of the commotion, swords drawn, assuming some sort of attack had been launched. (It took some of the old sword tongue to calm them down as well.) Fate conspired to make them travelling companions despite Neel’s violent reaction, and ever since then, while Neel’s occasional sneeze from dust, from pollen, from a spicy dish or the odd scent that struck him the wrong way was the same unremarkable “eettscchh” he’d known from his youth, his far more frequent sneezes from his allergy to Sirosso was a great beast of a sneeze, a shouting, spitting, roaring affair that made babies cry, made grown men jump, and made Neel the center of attention every time it occurred.

And since he’d rather bring the sneeze on now, of his own volition, than have it strike out of the blue later on (and waking Sirosso would admittedly be fun), Neel leaned down and took a quick sniff right at the nape of his companion’s neck, and the itch blew up so suddenly and violently it was all he could do to recoil, to avoid erupting right in Sirosso’s ear, to desperately pitch to the side as he gave vent to the mighty “HHHHESSSHHHHHHHHUUHHH!!” Perhaps sniffing at Sirosso’s neck had been a mistake, because even as his companion startled into wakefulness (”Neel—!”) Neel succumbed to another vicious, purging “EEEEE-YESSHHH-UHHHHHhhhh!!” That sneeze was louder still at its apex, trailing off into the rumbling satisfaction that only a roar of a sneeze commensurate to the monster of a tickle in Neel’s nose could bring.

Meanwhile, Sirosso for his part damn near fell off the bed.

“By all your rotten Northman gods, damn you Neel the Swordtongue!! Ohhh I was having the most wonderful dream, and to have it ripped from me by your ridiculous screaming… you know I have heard orcs with less absurd, dramatic… AUGH!”

“If it makes you feel any better, you practically snored me awake.” Neel said, gentle smile playing on his lips.

“Dragons, Sirosso. I would rather have a dragon sneeze at me, fire and all, than listen to another of your great roars.”

“You’re probably travelling with the wrong guy then.”

“You’re lucky you have your silver tongue, or I wouldn’t be.”

“Sword’s tongue, I wield it to woo and to ruin; and admit it, you can’t live without me.”

“Without you, perhaps not. Without your sneezing? Very certainly!” Sirosso said, already whirling around the room, packing their things, snatching off his dressing gown and armoring himself for the day. Neel was long past both his embarrassment at ogling SIrosso’s quite pleasing form and the ogling himself—he’d seen his fill of Sirosso and then some. To Neel, Sirosso’s body could no longer be merely a source of embarrassment or pleasure. To Neel, Sirosso’s body was a tool, a battleground, a thing to guard, but above all a fact.

Neel joined him stripping off nightclothes—not that either of them wore much to bed, just enough to cover their genitalia, that bare boundary about all they had left—and assembling himself for the day.

“Oh, Sirosso, you charmer. You know my nose is your favorite. Your mere presence might induce sneezes from giant and troll, fae and chimera, werewolf, kelpie, and kraken alike, but no sneezes is as precious to you as… oh wait… oh I think I feel anuhh… another one coming on…!”

“Oh shut it Neel!” Sirosso said,  before hightailing it out of the room, the man’s manaical efficiency having them packed and ready to hit the road in only a few minutes.

Neel, for his part, had of course faked the oncoming sneeze, though he did feel a little ghost of an itch. Hopefully he’d be able to wait until they left town to belt out another of his windstorms. For all he enjoyed joking about his sneezing with Sirosso, he didn’t really want to be known in every town they travelled to primarily by his nose. Especially if he wanted to be welcome in the inn again.

No, he had chased Sirosso from the room just for a last moment of reflection. Another inn in another town, a town they might never see again. A life constantly on the road, making a living from Neel’s way with words and Sirosso’s sneeze-causing quirk and their combined talent for battle—when necessary of course. It was not the life Neel might have imagined for himself, in his teenaged glory days. But that was two, three, maybe four lifetimes ago.

And it could be much worse. After all, he did have a blanket.

“NEEL!” Sirosso shrieked, sticking his head back in the door, “Neel, if you’re not going to blow my eardrums out with your accursed sneezing, could you please get a move on?”

Well, a blanket, and a friend.

“Now wait wait wait, didn’t I wake you up? As far as we know, you had plans to sleep in all day…”

“Oh no you don’t as though I’m not the one who checks our ravens and keeps our appointments and…”

“Our appointments! And whose fault was it we arrived late in…”