#and I don't have my washer-dryer yet so I go to my parents to do laundry right after trash

[mari-beau]

FUCK CHORES AND PROJECTS!! I'M WRITING FANFIC THIS MORNING AND IT'S MAKING ME HAPPY!!

[bladeofthestars]

.

[everythingpresley]

Don't You Kiss Me Once or Twice - Chapter 21

Character/Fandom: Elvis - Elvis (2022)

Prompt: Jessica Anderson is Elvis Presley's assistant and after months of working together, slowly something sparks between them. Friendship? Or is it more? [ Fem!Reader ]

Rating: Explicit/Mature (NSFW, 18+), Slowburn

    ||     Word Count: 5,251

Masterlist

Don't You Kiss Me Once or Twice - Chapter 21

Two months later

I pour some coffee into my work mug as I stood in the little break room of our office. I had my hair in a little half up half down style dressed in my pencil skirt, blouse and blazer. Two months ago it felt odd to go back to wearing corporate clothes, it seemed slightly foreign after two years of not wearing them. I had some of my old ones but chose to buy new suits for my new job. I thankfully got the job and didn’t have to move back in with my parents. I had to cut down on some of the things since I blew my money on the apartment lease and furniture. My apartment was fine and it wasn’t in the best neighborhood but it was good enough. I had a pretty good kitchen and in house washer and dryer, it was a compromise I was willing to take. Also, it was a fifteen minute walk to work. So… good enough. Actually it wasn’t just good enough, it was great! 

Did I miss Graceland? Yes. Did I miss going out for a walk around the huge acres of land? Of course. I really missed the horses too. 

My parents and siblings were very happy to see me put my bachelor’s degree back in use that they all pitched in and bought me a TV. I was sick and tired of having only books and magazines as my source for entertainment that when it was finally delivered to my apartment I ordered McDonalds. I chose to go for the McChicken rather than the cheeseburger, I wasn’t ready to have that just yet. I turned on the TV and just watched movies all night while stuffing my mouth with fries.

I was thankful that I always kept a little of my money on the side as savings. Working for the man who shall not be named had it’s perks since I barely spent a dime living under his roof. The money that wasn’t going into my savings account went to Ella’s school. However, after signing the lease and getting cheap second hand furniture except for the mattress of course I had barely anything left in my bank account. Thankfully the first month of work flew by and I got my first paycheck. I made some friends at work but I couldn't bring myself to go out sometimes. 

The first two months in New York were filled with excitement of getting the job I’ve always dreamed off and tears because of a certain someone. 

After two months I realized this is what I worked for my entire life and now that I was here it wasn’t what I was expecting. Especially after making my mind up and choosing to be with him. To stay with him. I realized he was my dream. But now that was shattered. I still wanted him even after the words he threw at me. He killed my soul. I don’t think I’ll be okay for a long time. It will take some time to get over him. Elvis. 

Just thinking of his name instantly brought tears to my eyes in the break room. Fuck him. I blinked back the tears and walked back to my desk. I clicked on my keyboard, springing the computer back to life and typed in my password. 

I still talked to Grace, Janice and Jerry a lot. Those three were a constant in my life. I cried to Grace a lot the first night I got here. She was mad, I could tell from the tone of her voice but she let me vent, she let me speak the entire time. I was sobbing hysterically into the phone and she stayed with me for hours on the phone. 

The next time we talked, when I had actually calmed down, she told me what she thought. She cussed him out and did not believe a single word he told me.  I made it a point to not ask about him even though my heart pounded in my chest whenever we were about to end a call, I wanted to ask about him. I wanted to ask how he was doing. But why do I care so much? He only broke my heart and destroyed me. He left me in pieces. The last two months have been so painful, I hated him. But I still love him. 

I didn’t want to think about the possibility of him having a new girl now or a new assistant. He probably had no care in the world and was sleeping with a different girl each night since I left. Do I even cross his mind? After everything we’ve gone through together I sure hope so. He crosses my mind every second. I have to fight my brain to not think about him. Instead I try thinking about garbage, beer, medium rare steaks, soft boiled eggs, all of the things he hates but I end up thinking about him anyway. 

“Hi Jess.” Ben, my coworker said as he leaned against my desk. He was handsome, blue eyes but more ice-y than Elvis’ and sandy blond hair.

“Hey Ben.” I smiled back.

“A bunch of us are going to the bar a few blocks from here after work. Will you join us?” He asked.

I gulped, this would take time from my going home to my apartment, turning on a romcom and sobbing hysterically at the cute little moments. Do I want to sit at home and cry the night away or drink and make friends with my new coworkers? 

“Sure!” I smiled brightly “Would love to join.”

“Great, see you at 5.” He winked and left to go back to his desk. 

Grace was really trying to push me to go out and get back into the dating scene. I couldn’t. Not for a very long time. 

Our first conversation after I cried my eyes out went like this:

“Screw that asshole! I’m gonna give him a piece of my mind! I’m gonna punch his stupid face in! God!” She yelled over the phone.

“Relax Grace, he’s your husband’s friend and boss. You can’t do anything.” I reminded her.

“Yeah I know! That’s why I’ve been avoiding going to Graceland or else I’ll do something really bad!” She growled. 

She refused for a while to go to Graceland but I told her it was fine. She should go and bond with the other wives and have fun. When she started going to Graceland again, it made me want to ask about Elvis even more especially since she wasn’t talking about him at all.

She never told me if she did end up giving him a piece of her mind. When it came to Grace I knew she probably said something because she can’t keep her mouth shut even if she tried. Bless her. I love Grace. 

I was thriving in my new job I loved it but I realized it wasn’t my dream anymore. But it’s okay, I’m still young and dreams can change. I hated that I allowed my mind to wander to Elvis. Him being my husband, the father of my kids, us growing old together. I realized during the four months we were together my dreams had shifted to that. It made the hole in my heart feel even bigger than it already was. I can’t believe my dream had shifted from being a career driven woman to a wife, a mother. I wanted that. But only with him. Never with any other guy. My career always came first.

I looked out of our floor to celling windows, looking out at the city. This city. I love New York, I love being in the city. This view was everything. Every romcom was filmed in this city, it made me fall in love with New York even more. 

Still even after two months, whenever I was alone I would retrace everything that happened that night. What led Elvis to say those words, to end things. I never expected it. Was my head so up in the clouds that my brain refused to realize that Elvis wasn’t on the same level as me? 

Love clouded my judgment. 

At 5 PM sharp Ben walked over to the elevators with his work bag slung over his shoulder. He turned and made eye contact with me before smiling and nodding his head towards the elevator. I nodded and packed my things before following him into the elevator.

We met up with the rest down stairs. Haley from legal, Sara, another consultant (one of us) and Nate also from legal. I hadn’t met Haley nor Nate before so I was excited to be making more friends in the city. It was kind of lonely in the beginning. They seemed nice. Usually people from legal were boring but these two were very funny and sweet. 

We went for some drinks, my drink of choice of course being a virgin Pina Colada. Everything reminds me of him. However, I didn’t let that put a damper on my mood. I got to know everyone a little better and I actually had fun. They didn’t know about my pervious relationship, my heartbreak  and they didn't have to. I got to pretend to be the old Jess. The one before Elvis.

“So..” Haley wiggled her brows at me as we all sat around the booth in this fairly empty bar. It was a weekday at 6PM so of course the bar was filled with corporate people “Any boyfriends? Or girlfriends?” She looked at me.

My heart clenched in my chest but I smiled regardless “Nope. No boyfriends or girlfriends and not anytime soon anyway.” 

“Ohhh fresh off the boat?” Sara asked.

“You could say that.” I chuckled “I’m in a new place, a new job, meeting new people. I need to enjoy this time of my life without being in a relationship… or a situation-ship.” 

They all chuckled, getting my drift. I didn't want to talk about it. 

“Hey I’ll cheers to that!” Nate cheered “I just got out of a 5 year relationship, she cheated on me!”

We all cheered but when we heard the last sentence we all went “Oh.” mid cheers, our drinks in the air.

“No, it’s okay! I’m totally fine.” Nate said trying to give us a bright smile.

“I’m sorry Nate.” I said and squeezed his shoulder. 

“Thank you.” He gave me a small smile. 

Cheating really grinds my gears. I don’t understand it and I never will. Why destroy a person you claim to love? Why keep them on the back burner when you’re out messing with someone else. Just end the relationship or work on it if you’re feeling distant. 

I know Elvis was the cheating type so I had my restrictions at the beginning when it came to him. But he showed me time and time again that he only wanted me. Only for that to explode in my face a few months later. He truly made me believe every word he whispered in my ear late at night. All those little kisses and cuddles. The way his eyes would shine brightly when he’d look down at me with such adoration and earnest. He didn’t cheat on me but he made me feel like I was nothing. 

I wanted to give Nate a hug but I don’t really know the guy and he’s a colleague so that would be weird and awkward. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy. I wanted to hug him because I wish someone was there to hug me when everything unraveled with Elvis. I didn’t have anyone in New York to cry on, yes I cried to Grace on the phone but I wanted (needed actually) someone to just hold me while I cried. And I hoped Nate had someone to cry on. 

I invited them over on Saturday because I really liked them, they seemed like genuinely nice people. 

“Just an FYI my apartment is tiny.” I informed them. I had a small open living room / kitchen area and a small bedroom and bathroom. 

“It’s okay, we all live in shoebox apartments.” Sara waved me off. 

“It’s New York! People who don’t live in shoebox apartments either have rich parents or are old rich people.” Ben joked. 

I got back to my apartment just in time to hear my landline ringing.

“Hello.” I answered. 

“Hey! You sound happy!” Grace said cheerfully. 

“I am. I made some new friends at work and they’re really nice!” I grinned, leaning against the kitchen counter since my landline was on the kitchen counter. 

“That’s great Jess.” She said softly. I could imagine her with little smile on her face “Are you feeling like you’ll stay there for a while?”

“Um.” I sighed “I don’t know. Maybe this wasn’t meant to be but hey I’m trying it out.”

“After getting to know you for the past two years I don’t see you as a city girl.” She chuckled.

“Yeah I also realized this. I’d rather live in the country side and every once in a while come to visit the city because at the same time I love New York.” 

“Sorry to say but you’re one of us now!” Grace giggled.

After a beat, I asked the dreaded question. I didn’t know anything about him for the past 2 months. 

“How is he?” I asked, my voice barely above whisper. Like it was a forbidden question to be asked. 

“Honestly?” She asked.

“Yes. Don’t give me a bullshit answer how he misses me or whatever the hell.”

“Jess.” She sighed “He does miss you.”

“Grace.” I shook my head, looking out at my living room “Please. If he’s happy and he’s seeing some new girl, just tell me.”

“I swear Jess. I-I don’t know how to explain it but I think he’s miserable.”

I gulped, tears springing to my eyes. I didn’t believe her. I wish it was true. I wish he’s crying regretting ever letting me go. Crying because he misses me just as much as I miss him. Crying like I cried the past two months, in absolute misery. 

Am I a bad person to want him to feel just as miserable as I do?

“He’s sad and very quiet.”

“He was sad before I left. I don’t think that has anything to do with me.” I reminded her. 

“No Jess. Even when I went off at him a few weeks ago he just… let me. He didn’t say anything and when Jerry tried to stop me, Elvis told him not to. I actually felt slightly terrible for saying the things I said to him.” Grace continued. 

I shook my head, looking up at the ceiling and blinking back my tears. 

“I-I don’t know.” I sighed “I shouldn't have asked about him.”

“Are you happy?” She asked me after a bit.

“Happy?” I chuckled, with no humor whatsoever “What’s happy?”

“Jess.” She said sadly.

“I’m okay Grace. Happy is too big of a word right now. Yes, I do have happy moments and I’m living for those right now. Overall? I don’t know.” 

“You deserve to be happy, Jess.”

I smiled and nodded “Thank you. And I will be.”

“I have to tell you something also.” Grace said.

“What?” I asked, panic bubbling in my stomach. 

“No, it’s good!” She laughed “I’m pregnant!”

“No way!” I yelled and jumped up “Grace! Oh my god! I’m so happy for you!” I was now crying happy tears, knowing that they’ve been trying to get pregnant for a while.

“Thank you. Don’t cry!” She scolded but I could tell she was also crying with me. 

“Okay, now I’m actually happy.” I chuckled “Oh Grace, please tell Jerry I say congratulations and that I’m gonna be the best Aunt to that little munchkin.”

“Will do.” She chuckled “Happy moment?” 

“Very happy moment, Grace.” I was grinning from ear to ear. 

I was so excited to be hosting people to my tiny apartment. I went shopping for snacks and drinks. I got a bottle of wine, chips, chocolate, cheese, crackers and meat for a cheeseboard and then we could order pizza for dinner. 

Early Saturday morning was filled with me bouncing around my apartment, clearing the kitchen from the different papers from work, books thrown haphazardly over my coffee table. 

I’d been so busy the entire day, cleaning and genuinely excited to be seeing them even though I saw them yesterday at work. I was so busy that Elvis only crossed my mind once. Only when I passed the drinks isle and saw Pepsi bottles. 

The conversation I had with Grace on Thursday still lingered in my mind though. Elvis being sad. I didn’t believe it but I know Grace and she wouldn’t lie to me just to tell me something I would like to hear. I felt so selfish to want him to hurt like I hurt. I wanted to be the more mature, bigger person who wishes the person they love is happy. Of course I want him to be happy. I will always care about him but he hurt me so bad, I wanted him to feel even 20% of what I felt when he broke my heart in pieces. 

Why would he be sad though? He ended it. He told me I was convenient and pathetic for wanting someone who didn't want me. 

I got dressed into some jeans, a white button down long sleeve, tucking it into my jeans and put a white headband on my dark hair. 

Slowly everyone trickled in, the girls showing up first and the guys later. They brought beer and more chips with them. Sara brought cookies. I was liking them more already. Food is really the way to my heart. 

We sat around the talked, getting to know each other more. 

“Am I getting old or what, because I prefer this over going to a bar.” I joked “Except if its a honky tonk.” I said without thinking, instantly causing my smile to falter. It reminded me of Elvis. Damn this man. 

“You like honky tonks?” Ben laughed.

“Love em!” I chuckled, trying not to put a damper on the mood. 

“Was it something you used to do with the ex?” Haley asked.

“Why do you ask?” I chuckled awkwardly.

“You got that look on your face.” Sara added.

“Yeah, it was something we used to do together. It was so much fun.” I said. 

“But yeah! I totally agree! We’re definitely getting old and loud places are just not as fun.” Haley replied. 

As the night went on, we decided to order pizza and watch a movie. I heard a knock on the door and I quickly jumped up from the couch, I was filling up on snacks so I couldn’t wait for the pizza to get here, chips and chocolate was making me sick and I couldn’t control myself. Although greasy pizza is bound to make me feel even more sick.

They continued talking as I dashed into my bedroom to get cash and then went over to the door. I don’t swing the door fully open just in case. I did live in a sketchy neighborhood and I always made some scenarios up in my mind of people dressing up as delivery guys before bursting into your house and murdering you. I kept the deadbolt on and pulled the door open. 

“Hi.” I smiled and then quickly shut the door. I placed a hand on my chest, my eyes wide. I felt like I was about to puke. I reached for the deadbolt and removed it quickly before opening the door and walking out into the hallway, shutting the door behind me.

“Elvis?” I asked quietly. My heart beating out of my chest. 

Was I dreaming? What the heck is Elvis Presley doing standing in the hallway of my apartment complex. Here he was, looking like a dream as usual. Screw him for being the most beautiful man on the planet. His dark hair was pushed back, he seemed paler than usual but he stood tall. He was dressed in black pants and dark green button down. My eyes were wide in confusion. 

His eyes were glassy “Hi.” He whispered. The corners of his mouth turning down slightly, his lower lip trembled slightly. It’s as if just seeing me brought instant tears to his eyes.

“What-” I let out an audible breath “What are you doing here?”

“I missed you.” He whispered, taking a step forward.

I scoffed and took a step back “No. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to show up here two months later claiming you miss me. Cut the crap, Elvis.”

“But I did. I do miss you.” He gulped.

I scoffed again, shaking my head, looking down the hall to make sure no one was just standing around watching us.

“Jess!” I heard Ben’s voice shout from inside the apartment “Are you okay? What’s taking so long?”

Shit. I quickly opened the door and peaked my head in “I’m fine, it’s not the pizza. Give me a second.” 

Ben gave me a thumbs up before I shut the door again and faced Elvis who now had a panicked look on his face, his eyes wide and his jaw slack. 

“Who-who was that?” He asked, his face morphing into something of heartbreak.

“No one.” I said with a clenched jaw.

“A-Are you seeing someone?” He whispered.

“None of your business.” I was getting really pissed off because who the heck does he think he is, showing up here and being upset that I could possibly be with someone else after he dumped me. 

“Oh my god.” He whispered, a placed a hand over his chest, his eyes getting even wider. He gulped and pulled on his collar as if it was suffocating him. He took a loud breath, turning away from me and leaning his head against the wall “I can’t breathe.” He choked out. 

Shit. I reached for his shoulder and pulled him to face me “What’s happening right now?” I asked, I cupped his cheek and looked into his eyes.

“I can’t-“ He was trying to take deep breaths but was failing. And I started to panic.

“Come on, let’s get you outside.” I said and quickly pulled him down the hallway and down the stairs, out onto the street. 

“Hey.” I cupped his cheeks with both of my hands. He placed his hands above mine “Breathe please. Follow my lead. In.” I took a deep breath, Elvis copying me “Out.” And we did that several times before he visibly relaxed.

“Are you okay?” I asked, rubbing my thumb over his cheek. I missed him so much. I missed holding him like this. 

“No.” He said quietly. His eyes looking directly into mine.

“I’m not seeing him. I’m not seeing anyone.” I told him. He leaned his forehead against mine and I let him for a second. I closed my eyes, I missed this closeness with him and only him. 

I let myself get lost in his touch before I remembered the words he had thrown at me two months ago, it doused me like ice cold water. I sighed and pulled away from him. He eyes snapped open and once again he gave me those puppy dog eyes when he was looking for forgiveness. 

“Why is he in your apartment?” He asked.

“You have no right to ask me that.” I reminded him before walking up the steps that lead to the small lobby of the apartment complex “And it’s not just him, it’s a group of colleagues. Girls are there too.” 

“Jess. Please don’t go.” Elvis said and grabbed my hand. 

I turned towards him and shook my head “You need to go Elvis. You’ve hurt me enough. Please leave me alone.” I whispered. 

“I’m so sorry.” He whispered, his eyes getting glassy once again. 

I pulled my hand out his grasp and continued walking before I turned around to face him “How did you know where I live?” 

“I can’t say.” He gulped, avoiding my eyes. 

Was it Grace or Jerry? They’re the only people in Elvis’ circle who knew where I lived. Grace wouldn’t say anything though, would she?

“Wait! You forgot these at the house.” He said and pulled an envelope from his back pocket.

“What’s that?” I asked, confused. I checked every drawer and nook and cranny a million times before I left, there's no way I forgot something.

“You left our photos in the drawer and I also got the pictures from Hawaii developed.” He said. 

I clenched my jaw, narrowing my eyes at him “I left them on purpose. I don’t want them.”

“Why?” He whispered “Do you want to forget we ever happened?” His voice wavering as he spoke.

“Yes, Elvis. I want to forget we ever happened.” I gulped, tears springing to my eyes. I wanted to forget that we ever happened because the pain of it all was too strong. 

His face was so hurt, as if I was the one that ended it. As if I was breaking his heart right now “Jess.” He said, his lower lip trembling, his eyes mimicked mine and filled with tears and sorrow.

”In fact I want to erase the past two years out of my memory.” I said, my voice cracking slightly “And you don’t get to come here like an injured little puppy, like I was the one that hurt you.”

It pissed me off that he would show up here and act like he didn’t break me, giving me those eyes when he knows he fucked up and is looking for forgiveness. I don't think I can ever forgive the words he said. Those words ran through my mind all the time. 

Pathetic. Convenient. Desperate. 

They haunted me before falling asleep and they haunted me in my dreams.

“Don’t come back here, Elvis. I don’t want to see you again.” I said as a tear slipped out of my eye and rolled down my cheek before I finally went back in. That was a complete lie, my heart did not want that but I let my brain take the wheel this time. My heart did enough damage to itself. 

I wanted to get into bed and cry. Instead I took a deep breath, leaning my head against the wall, closing my eyes for a second. Then I wiped my tears and forcibly plastered a smile on my face before walking back into my apartment and pretended I was fine until they left. That’s when I allowed myself to cry again over him, like I do almost every night. But this time it was different. It hurt seeing him. It still didn't register in my mind that I actually saw him today after two months, that I touched him, that my lips were a few inches away from his lips. It hurt to see him hurt. I thought I would feel better if I knew he was hurting like me. Why was he hurting? He had a full blown panic attack at the thought that I had moved on with someone else. 

I fell asleep while crying, I decided to stay at home on Sunday and just sit around my apartment. I know I should go out and go for a walk but I was scared that Elvis was outside and at the same time I was hoping he was still outside. I just chose to not find out if he’s still here or if he went back to Memphis. I had a day in, I baked some cookies and watched movies. Really just took a day for myself. Opened up the windows and sun bathed in my living room. Also a bonus of this apartment, I got direct sunlight. 

The next day I got up super early, made myself some breakfast and coffee. I put some music on and got ready for work. I hated Monday mornings but starting your day right definitely helped.

I swung my bag over my shoulder, dressed in a matching sage green pencil skirt and blazer and a white button down. I had my hair down and pushed back by a headband. I locked my door and headed down stairs and out onto the street.

“Good morning.” 

I turned, my face scrunched up in confusion “You’re still here?” I asked when I spotted Elvis leaning against a pole.

“Yeah and I’m not going anywhere. Not without you.” He said.

I scoffed and shook my head at him “What do you think you’re doing Elvis?”

“I got you coffee.” He said and moved towards me, he had two take away cups of coffee and handed me one. 

“I don’t want coffee.” I grumbled, hating my heart for beating faster and the butterflies that erupted in my stomach at the fact that he was still here. He didn’t leave. I hated myself right now. 

“Take it Jess.” He said.

I frowned and took it from him, turning to walk down the street towards my job. I heard his footsteps following along “What are you doing?” I asked turning my head to see him walking behind me.

“Walking you to work.” He replied. 

“Don’t bother.” I grumbled and as I passed a trash bin, I threw the coffee he gave me. 

Was I being petty? Yes. 100%. Did I care? Not really. 

The same thing happened when I got back from work 8 hours later. Elvis was still standing there. I rolled my eyes and passed him to get into my building, pretending like he wasn’t there leaning against the lamp post like he did earlier.

“I’m gonna stay here no matter how long it takes.” He said when I walked past him “If it takes weeks, months or years. I’ll be here.” 

I bit my lip and pushed the door open, walking into my building. He didn't follow me, he stayed outside. He was respecting my boundary at least. 

I unlocked my door and walked into my apartment to see a dozen bouquet of flowers in vases covering my floor. My jaw dropped at the amount of sunflowers that covered my living room and kitchen. My favorite flowers. How the heck did he put them inside? 

I frowned and opened the window, peeking my head through the window to look down at him. I was only two stories up.

“How the heck did you get into my apartment?” I called out with a frown on my face. Forget about respecting my boundaries. 

“I’m Elvis Presley.” He called out, grinning as he looked up at me. That damn shit eating grin on his face pissed me off.

I huffed through my nose, shaking my head at him “You’re an asshole.” I said and took one of the bouquets out of the vase and chucked it out of the window, aiming at him. 

“Hey! At least I didn’t stay in there!” He said, dodging the flowers. I kept the rest because they were too pretty to throw away “I could've stayed in there and surprised you!”

“Oh thank you so much for that consideration! I am so thankful!” I said sarcastically.

“At least you’re talking to me, I’m taking whatever I can get.” He shrugged.

I huffed again and slammed the window shut. 

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[high-caliber-bitch]

The gatekeeping around parenting is one of the most obnoxious things. I once had to listen to a co-worker talk about his horrible treatment of his son, I believe seven, who had nighttime bladder control issues. I haven't birthed children, sand this was before my step children came into my life, but I know so much about children and parenting. Bladder control issues are extremely common, and the number one piece of advice is DO NOT MAKE YOUR CHILD FEEL SHAME. There is quite literally a physiological reason for the problem and it has nothing to do with self control. It is a common developmental problem that most children will grow out of, it just requires time and patience. But this father thought he was so wise and was talking about how he was going to make his son wash his own sheets and clothes if he had an accident. Now completely separately I do believe children should understand how to use the washer and dryer because any skills that add to their ability to be independent are good for their confidence and developmental, just good so around, but not how it was being presented to this child. This child is old enough to feel embarrassed about his issue, but under no circumstances should he be made to feel bad or worse about something he literally has no control over. It would be like ridiculing your child for red hair. His father was so disgusted by him peeing the bed that he came up with this whole plan to make his son clean up after himself instead of taking the 10 seconds to Google "seven year old pees bed almost nightly" and find that the first fucking article that pops up is about the reason it occurs and how you're supposed to handle the situation from a psychological stand point that keeps the child in mind because how you handle situations is extremely important.

I had a garbage mother whom I spent a lot of time with and can trace back most of my issues to. As a result I've been reading about and studying child developmental psychology as a personal hobby. I don't want to fuck up my kids like I was fucked up and I don't want to inadvertantly hurt someone else's kids either. I was an undiagnosed ND child with a mother that had her own undiagnosed issues and that's not an excuse. You don't have to know or have words to describe what is wrong with you. You owe it to your children to be a good parent regardless of how you came to that position. I've been reading about child development since I was seventeen because I wanted to understand what was wrong with me and prevent doing the same thing my grandmother did to my mother and my mother did to me. I chose to make myself more aware of how children are affected because I didn't want to inflict any more pain. I broke the cycle because of basic human decency.

There are so many full grown adults in this world taking out their petty issues on their children because they can't take the time to stop and think about how their actions might affect others, just because no one did that for them. My husband should be the poster child for "how to fuck up your kid." He quite literally has a serial killer background, yet by some miracle he chose to be an amazing and selfless father when saddled with parenthood while he was still a child himself. I don't understand how these people go about parenting without thought. I shouldn't have to be ND to be like "I don't know enough about this issue to respond appropriately" and so before inflicting my will upon minors in my care I fucking do some research. Not every issue has to be a deep dive. But you can take 10 minutes to find an appropriate approach.

I'm still learning, and I'm so terrified of making my daughters hate me. Their lives are so stressful and they don't deserve any of it. I am so powerless as a step parent. But regardless of my feelings and fear I'm not going to take it out on them. It's sad that respecting your children as people is an unpopular take.

[1d1195]

HIIIII it’s been a while i’m so sorry i’ve just had a terrible time since i sent my last ask :// summer is soooo kicking my ass but i am trying to persevere !!🫡 LMAO

MAKING HIM TAKE BUZZFEED QUIZZES IS SO SMART OMG I NEED TO TRY THAT !!! he said Steal My Girl 😂😂 lil basic but i can’t blame him it is a bop, we both go crazy when that one comes on

I SAW THE NEWEST UPDATE ON THE my-boyfriend-is-trying-to-be-a-writer-thread and SAMANTHA I CANT WITH YOU LMAOOOOOO this thread is so funny i just love that IT KEEPS GOING dw queen i devoured that 10k traditional chapter as if it were 1k🫡🫡🫡

also queen just wanted to let you know your stories follow me everywhere🥹 saw a framed poster on etsy titled ‘Wildflower Garden’ and it was SOOOOOOOOOO protection coded💔💔 it was a bunch of pretty flowers and it had Sweet Creature lyrics “wherever i go, you bring me home”😭😭 i love them sm he would totally buy it as a present for her on a random tuesday and they would forever hang it up in their home😭 and i saw a video on insta and i was CACKLING😭😭 some girl was talking abt how her dentist had his fingers in her mouth and she said something inappropriate and i was like ‘this is basically the plot of chapter 2 of Toothpaste’ HAHAHAHAH

i saw you posted Most and it looks SOOOO interesting but i really can’t lie im scared to read it cause everyone and their MOTHER are in your inbox hating on some bitch named lauren ??? i don’t know her AND I DONT NEED TO TO KNOW THAT IM NOT GONNA LIKE HER EITHER😭😭 THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN !!! once u post part 2 i’ll def read it🙂‍↕️🤞

I STARTED LOVE AND OTHER WORDS LAST NIGHT ??? I ALREADY LOVE IT i’m barely a hundred pages in and i’m soooo invested in their story. what gets me is homegirl KNOWS he’s the love of her life and HE KNOWS IT TOO ?? and i’m just sitting here like “make out already ???🤨” HAHAHAHA but i know it’s not that easy😔 but i will defff let you know what i think as i read some more

idk if im stupid or what but i had NO clue Christina Lauren was TWO PEOPLE AHAHAHAHAH i opened the back cover of the book and i was like😦😦 ive seen SOOO many people talk about and recommending their books yet i never knew that ?😭 i think co-writing books with your bestie is SOOO amazing omg

HOW ARE YOUUUU ?? I MISS YOU SO MUCH 💕💕 catch me up on everything, big or small it doesn’t matter 🫶🫶🫶

~🎶

Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear you weren't doing well! I hope everything is okay, feel free to vent if you need to 💕 I'm so happy to hear from you, but don't feel bad about late replies, I'm happy to hear from you at all 💕

Steal My Girl reminds me of fall (the whole album does) but that was my favorite of their first song album drops. It really fit the vibe. The music video always makes me laugh. I never knew I needed to see Louis with a chimp until then 😭 A LITTLE BASIC. I'm SCREAMING. Good for him though, I don't think that's an obvious choice for casual listeners. I love it!

HAHAHAHAHA I feel like I'm truly living a double agent life. I feel a little bad but I will never tell him. He'll live without knowing. You're so kind 😭 10k of Harry being sick is usually where I start rereading Traditional. I don't think I've reread parts 1-5 since like maybe a week after I wrote them 😂

Omg that's so cute 😭 I think about that a lot, if my writing pops up in people's lives. Someone a while back sent a message that their parents got a new washer and dryer and her mom tested it with like one sock and it made her think about Love and Dryer Sheets and I just thought that was so cool 😭 I LOVE the idea of her buying the poster for her on a random Tuesday. I feel like Toothpaste is going to be simultaneously the most relatable one and least relatable one as idk if I know any hot dentists 😭 but that's really funny nonetheless!

I think I remember you telling me that you don't like to read unfinished stories? I think you did it with Dolcezza maybe; no worries either way. But knowing that, you may want to sit this one out until I get like part 2 AND 3 posted? I feel like I'm going to get "SAMANTHA -🎶" in my inbox and nothing else if you read it before it's done 😂 But yes, we HATE Lauren here. But of course I want you to read it when you have time/want to 💕 I would love to hear your thoughts!

I'm so happy you're loving it! MAKE OUT ALREADY LITERALLY. I just loved their story so so much he's so in love with her I cannot. It gets a little deeper but it hooked me so fast I couldn't put it down. I think I read it in one day.

YES. I forget how I figured it out, if I also read the back cover or if I was googling them or something idk. But it's SO cool they write together! I wish I had a writing bestie to do that with, but anyway!

I'm doing well! I think when we last chatted I was STRESSED™ over everything and now I'm MUCH less stressed thankfully. I'm really not doing a whole lot these days. Just trying to enjoy the summer even though the weather is crappy af lately. Too hot to breathe one day and then raining off and on for hours. Can't do anything outside. I made a yummy pasta dish for dinner last night and other than that, my life is pretty boring.

I hope you're doing better, I've missed you so much as well! I hope that things calm and settle for you so you can relax and enjoy 💕

xoxo

[hopeintheashes]

soft and slow, watch the minutes go (count out loud)

Part 2: 5x13-5x14 and beyond (@badthingshappenbingo square: Secret Caretaking)

1.1k, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Buck & Eddie & Chris

Read it here or on AO3, or start with Part 1 (or: tumblr).

my other bthb fills: tumblr // ao3

He realizes, at some point, that things are happening without him being aware of them.

Like— okay, Buck coming over to stay with Chris every week while he's at therapy, he's perfectly aware of that.

But he realizes at 3 a.m. on a Tuesday night that he hasn't done laundry in three weeks and yet neither he nor Chris have run out of clean clothes.

Even with ridiculous L.A. traffic, the time between when Buck picks Chris up from school and the time Eddie gets home from therapy isn't enough time to get a week's worth of loads of laundry through the washer and dryer and all put away.

"What time did you get here?" he asks Buck suspiciously the next time he gets home from talking to Frank, and Buck just shrugs lightly and says "earlier" like that's answer enough.

And— now that he's thinking about it— his fridge is stocked. Not with everything, it's not like Eddie doesn't have to grocery shop at all, but even in the weeks where he can barely get himself out of bed for work and therapy and getting Chris to school, they've never run out of the basics. There's always milk and bread and eggs and peanut butter and bananas and cereal. The healthy kind and Chris's favorite.

"Have you and Buck been shopping?" he asks Chris at breakfast one morning, staring at the nearly-full box of cereal that Chris is pouring from.

Chris rolls his eyes, every bit the preteen he's somehow suddenly become. "There's an app, Dad. They drop it off on the porch. Who even goes shopping anymore?"

Well. “Me” would be the answer to that, but he doesn't say it out loud.

There are things appearing on the calendar on the fridge, too. Planetarium Trip, and Science Project Due, and Field Days - Water Slide - Bring Swimsuit/Change of Clothes. He sees them, and then his brain decides it hates him again— still— and he panics when the next time the words register it's as they're trying to get out the door the morning-of for school. And every time Chris says, "It's fine, Buck took care of it," and points to the finished project or the extra clothes in his bag.

"I didn't sign a permission slip for the planetarium trip, did I?" He might have. He has no idea at this point. He has this vague memory of Chris asking if he could go and Eddie saying of course, but nothing past that.

"No. Buck said as long as I asked you it was okay for him to sign. Because he's an emergency contact." That's… not actually how that works, but— Chris giggles. "He made sure to scribble so the B looked like a D."

And things are… clean. The bathroom, and the entryway, and the kitchen sink, all the places that gather clutter and grime if you don't stay on top of it, they're just… not doing that. They're not sparkling or anything, but—

"Buck," he says, a little bit pained, when he realizes that the dishes he'd left in the sink last night are done. "You can't— you don't need to—" He gestures vaguely at the sink.

"Hmm?" A picture of innocence.

"Buck."

"Eddie." And that's the thing about Buck. He can be so disarmingly sincere. "I've got it. Okay?"

He huffs a sigh and buries his face in his hands, and there's this ghost-touch of Buck's hand brushing over his hair, and then the solid feeling of it landing on Eddie's shoulder. "Yeah," Eddie says into his palms. "Okay."

Buck squeezes his shoulder reassuringly and it does kind of feel like it might actually somehow be okay.

He's at the table again with his head in his hands two days later.

"What?"

He shakes his head, but Buck just pushes Eddie's foot with his own under the table.

"C'mon. Lay it on me. What?"

He heaves a sigh and tries to turn off the part of his brain that's permanently stuck on his parents telling him he'd never be able to take care of Chris on his own. "Chris is outgrowing his shoes. And he needs a haircut. And I feel like he's supposed to go to the dentist? But I can't remember if we made an appointment when we were there last time or if we said we'd wait. And he keeps talking about Kahya’s birthday party, but I don't know when that is, or where that is, or if he even got an official invitation or what." He pushes the heels of his hands hard into his eyes. "And then if he's going, he needs a present, and I just…" Can't. Tears burn in his eyes. Can't keep it together. Can't do any of this.

"Okay." Very official-sounding. Eddie looks up.

"Are you… taking notes in crayon?"

"Sure, why not?" He grins. "I could color-code it if you'd like."

"Buck."

"I got it," he says, and it's gentler, and Eddie blinks back the tears that are threatening again. Still.

"I can't—" ask you to do this is maybe-probably the rest of that sentence, but Buck cuts him off.

"Eddie. You don't have to do this alone."

"I mean, I haven't been doing this alone." He means it in the sense of so I couldn't if I tried, but Buck just brightens.

"Exactly! So, which dentist should I be calling?"

A week later Chris has new shoes, and shorter hair, and a confirmed appointment at the dentist, and a present wrapped and waiting for Kahya’s birthday the following day.

He's— overwhelmed. It's too much, he'd said to Frank, who had just looked at him evenly and said, It sounds like it's exactly what you need.

He doesn't know how to even begin thanking Buck for it. All of it. Going back… well. Years, at this point, looking at it all.

Buck makes a questioning noise, because Eddie has, as far as he can tell, just been staring off into space. He comes back to himself, and walks over, and wraps his arms around Buck. "Thank you."

Buck squeezes him back, bear hugs his specialty as always. "I told you. I'm here. For all of it. I've got you. And Chris"

A breath, soaking it in. The safety and the certainty in the midst of everything that's fallen apart, and everything that's being pulled apart during his time with Frank, and everything that's being unearthed because of it. "Thank you," he says again, because he can't figure out how to encompass the rest of it other than to just hold on tighter.

“Any time.” Buck returns the pressure, then pulls back and smiles at him, and picks up a colored pencil. "Okay. What's next?"