#and I hate that an old RP forum I loved in WoW went down years ago bc a friend of mine died

[miqojak]

Online Friendships: A Eulogy

[haematophiliac-a]

// I am going to try and keep this short but I will FAIL.

Edit: Massive fail lmao.

     So this year has been... A roller-coaster for me IRL. Ups and downs but mainly ups.

     First, to note, I’ve been suffering from “clinical depression” and an amalgamation of other issues since 2003 and by this point in my life I know how to cope with it so when it hit me throughout the year at various points I knew what to do - Just sleep it off and wait it out. That would be some down points of the year and after several years debating something that nagged at me and inevitably made me even more depressed I decided I finally had to change my entire life, which brings in the next point.

     I told mum something I really had to tell her after years of debating with myself (you can ask in DMs if you’re curious but I’d rather not splay it everywhere) and it’s made things so hard for me and her but also made things so much easier for myself in a way as I can finally be myself. She’s struggling with it but supports me nonetheless albeit it being so difficult for her and for that I’m so damn grateful. She is truly an amazing mum.

     I started going to the gym to try and change my life with this new acceptance of myself but of course, with my bad luck in life, I badly screwed up my elbow and had to stop so that put everything on hold. Now I’m waiting, since May, for surgery to fix it. Then once that is sorted I can go back to the gym and continue trying to change my life for the better to become who I really am.

     Out shopping just after March when I told mum ‘The Thing’ I bumped into a person in a shop who saw my LGBT wristband and invited me to start going to a social group in a nearby town. Best. Thing. Ever. Not only has this gotten me out of my shell but gained me a whole social life of which I’ve not had one since 2009 due to IRL issues (depression, anxiety, friends moving away, bad experiences etc). So that was amazing to just happen to me. I’ve been going every two weeks to this social group, made IRL friends from it, been to events, social nights in places, Pride fests, even stayed in a nearby city with the person who saw my wristband and we went to comic con and for the first time could be who I really am. I’m building relations and damn, I’m happy about that. Ten years with nothing was fine but to finally be out and about is so much better.

     Five or so years ago I came to Tumblr while seeking out images of Pokemon related things and found out it has this RP community. It was only nearing the end of last year that I made Jax (October) and fully got immersed here.

     I have no regrets about that.

     I’ve made so many friends of you all and I’m so damn happy to have met so many you. Some of you have become really close to my heart. I adore you all. I’ve only had one bump in the road as someone vague-posting about me but other than that it’s been PERFECT and I cannot thank you all enough.

    My anxiety has been bugging me this year too and it centers around this community but I am in no way complaining. Long story short is that since 2010 I’ve been a WoW player on a certain server. I was a newbie to that type of RP and made so many mistakes that I got heavily noticed and eventually ridiculed. It got to the point where I’ve been heavily harassed, stalked and even doxxed to the point I couldn’t post on the forums without my IRL info being splayed out for all to see. So you can understand that coming to a brand new community was very difficult for me and every single day, even today, I worry that things will get messed up again somehow and people will once more hate me.

     But you know what? I love this place so much that the enjoyment overrides my anxiety most of the time.

     I joined a server towards the end of last year but eventually left it from drama and yet gained friends from it either way. I was able to reconnect with a few people from my old blog and make new friends and for that I’m thankful. 

     Without all of you I’d be so bored, alone and wouldn’t have been able to develop Jax at all. It’s been very amazing this year on this site and yes, I’m just happy to be here with you all.

     So here’s to another year! May we all continue our great relationships, get some awesome RP going and of course meet even more new people! I hope this year brings you all joy and everything you deserve.