#and I have been and I know Inhave chronic pain but I’m tired of hurting all the time
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stress triggered chronic pain let’s goooo
#idk something feels wrong#I should probably go to the doctors but idk#part of me is like. if something is wrong idk wanna know#just let me die ignorantly yanno#but I don’t want to die#and I don’t want to be in pain#I’m scared of bad news but I’m also scared they’ll just say there’s nothing wrong with me#I still have unpaid hospital bills I don’t#I don’t want to waste anyone’s time#but I feel so bad#and I have been and I know Inhave chronic pain but I’m tired of hurting all the time#I want to take a run or something#I want to walk or something idk I just. feel so bad I don’t want to be in pain anymore#and it’d be different if I was like thin or somethin#I could kinda sorta get away with it then (not really) to be disabled ur already treated like shit but to be disabled and fat? then its like#ooooh you did this to ur self n its like I think my weight is a symptom not a cause#I matured very fast because of csa and idk I think I have a hormone problem which causes months long heavy periods amoung other things#I had body hair when I was like. 6 and I’ve always had aches and pains and nerve issues since I was a child#getting stomped on by other kids when I was only like..5? and having an adult bend my legs higher than they could go probably didn’t help#however that’s a long time ago. I just think that things never got the chance to heal right and if they did that’d be half of my pain gone#I need to go outside and idk get fucked or something. need to clear my head#we went out a few days ago and my body still hurts from it and I barely did anything -_- sitting down hurts walking hurts laying down hurts#swimming doesn’t hurt tho. I miss swimming
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