#and Ken wears my necklace and a bracelet I made for him too

[frecklystars]

If I wasn’t saving my money for the signature Barbie/Ken dolls I would probably be commissioning someone to write me on a rly cute fluffy amusement park date with Barbie and Ken,,, Barbie winning me prizes effortlessly and Ken trying to buy stock out of the cotton candy and donuts sections because he knows they're my favorite and I get to kiss them both on the ferris wheel and we hold hands on the rollercoaster and and and 🥺🥺🥺

[jessiewre]

Day 49

Sat 22nd Feb

Shopping & Biscuits

We had a slightly shakey start as Phil was feeling sorry for himself. He hadn’t done any exercise for over 8 hours and so he felt a bit low didn’t he.

I had a word with him and then even the waitress at breakfast corrected him when he was being a grump. YOU SING IT SISTER 💪🏽

We ended up chatting to Wendy the waitress for a while and she was really nice. I popped to the loo and when I came out, she was ready waiting for me. She leaned in and whispered ‘So what have you got organised for Phil’s birthday?’

I looked at her blankly feeling a little hot all of a sudden and said ‘uh...a few presents...?’

But she was all excited like ‘Oh we can organise something for you! I can get all the staff tomorrow to sing to him and then we can thrown WATER and MUD all over him!’

Ok well now she was talking my language 😂

Then she asked me if I was planning to bake a cake.

Uh, no Wendy, I’m not. I’m slightly lacking in ingredients, a kitchen and the inclination.

But she made the point that the chef there could bake one which was maybe a good idea. Yes, someone else baking a cake was something I could get on board with. I told her I’d get back to her.

Being 2 days before Phil’s birthday it is tradition for me to get a gift so naturally we went shopping as I wanted to show Phil a secondhand clothes shop I’d come across. Unfortunately there were minimal men’s items, apart from some classic Chris / Ken Wretham senior shirts 💜 which, as nice as they are, Phil wouldn’t really suit 😬.

I got a dress and a shirt for $10 🤓. The dress needed slight altering, so I took it into the guy fixing our other stuff and added it to the pile. We went back to the hotel and got straight in the pool to cool down.

Barry was the only person in the pool and it had been over 24 hours since Phil and Barry had spoken so they had plenty to catch up on. First they were absolute lads and covered the footie. I wondered how long Phil could talk about Peter Schmiecel for...then I suddenly became aware that my bikini felt weird. Too comfortable almost. I looked down and my eyes widened as I realised that the bikini top I was wearing was not a bikini top at all but my soft crop top thing that I’d put on that morning to make it easier when shopping and trying on clothes. It was nude pink colour, so was DEFINITELY see through 😫😫😫. Ewwwww I had been casually swimming around and chatting to Bazza with this on!!! 😳 Why didn’t Phil notice and tell me?! I slid out of the pool cringing and switched the tops asap.

Meanwhile then lads chat moved onto biscuits. My ears pricked up when digestives were mentioned.

Barry got straight in there with the big question and asked Phil if he was a dunker.

Phil confirmed we were both massive dunkers. But also that we were partial to a hob nob from time to time.

Barry nodded along. He understood. He was up to speed with his biscuit chat I’ll give him that.

Barry said he liked to keep his chocolate in the fridge and then Phil dropped the big’un...He told Barry about his love for a very special biscuit / cake (seriously which is it), one that is often found in the cupboards of Lyncroft Gardens, but never for very long. We used to have Mr Kipling Ones but then we shifted onto Aldi specials Holly Lane. Yep it was Phil’s beloved vienese whirl. Barry listened intently and nodded along while slow blinking. He fully recognised the strong bond between a man and his favourite biscuit.

Barry then revealed his unbelievable tactic for eating a crunchie. He keeps it in the fridge so its nice and chilled and when he’s ready to tuck in, he takes it out and SMASHES it onto the floor. Then he opens it up to enjoy all the little pieces one by one.

It’s this sort of content that needs sharing with the world. Its why I began writing this blog in the first place. The people need to hear this stuff.

All this talk of biscuits reminded Phil he needed to burn some calories so he decided to go for a sea swim. He was going to go to the shops to get beer first so it was ready for his arrival back, but I kindly offered to do this for him while he swam. I was being kind, but I actually needed to collect his headbands, plus I was hungry too, so it was a bit of a win win like.

Got the headbands. The good news was they’d made 5 instead of 3! But unfortunately they had made them all really thin, not like wide headbands. Phil needed an extra wide one to cover his Fivehead...shit, another poor bday present coming up...so I thanked them and popped next door to ask a different lady to make a bigger one. She promised it would be ready by 6pm. Problem, solution baby.

The pizza place was closed dammit so I just bought 4x beers and some cheese and onion crisps as thought he’d like some flavour after the salty sea water. I got back to the room nearly the same time Phil did and the beer was well appreciated while the soft crisps were, lets say, tolerated. Watched the footie game Chelsea vs Spurs.

As the clothes getting fixed needed collecting by 6:30pm, I offered to do it and go into town AGAIN (needed to get the giant parachute headband didn’t I) and I decided to try a shortcut route along the beach. Well it was a joyous winner wasn’t it, and I reached the lady in half the time compared to the road route. GIRL LOVES A SHORTCUT. But of course the headband wasn’t ready was it. I had to wait 15 minutes while she finished it and she got constantly interrupted by loads of Italians wanted to talk to her about god knows what. ANNOYINGS.

I collected our fixed items after that, finally, and THEN got more beer for Phil PLUS a giant water and I walked back sweating and feeling like a hero. I had my 5th cold shower of the day when I got back and Phil began trying to convince me that we should have dinner at our hotel restaurant. I was willing to consider it - until he told me that the two dishes they didn’t have were the only ones on the menu I was interested in. Sorry but I am not having a vege curry if there are lovely Italian restaurants nearby.

I convinced him to come out and we used the beach as a shortcut to Hosteria Romania restaurant.

I checked out a little jewellery stall opposite the restaurant while Phil got a table and I spotted a bracelet Phil might like. I’ll tell you what, Phil bloody loves a holiday bracelet. You know the type a boy gets when he’s about 13, thinking he’s gonna look SICK down the youth club disco with his massive Ben Sherman shirt accompanied by a metal lizard necklace from Turkey? Or was that just Luke? But yeah, Phil loves a beach bangle so I thought screw it, that could be another easy gift in the bag. But he walked over to see what I was looking at didn’t he for frigs sake! I sort of asked his opinion on one of them, then casually tried to move on, then realised I needed to get the wallet off him anyway 😂. So got two different ones to really surprise him.

The restaurant service was slow but friendly, and the food was nice. I was considering ordering the foccacia starter and the waiter stopped me in my tracks to say they would provide one for FREE. Oh sweet lord thank you.

We considered going out to party for approximately 0.3 seconds but I think Phil had exercise on his mind for the morning and the food coma was kicking in. We walked back along the beach, enjoying the awesome starry sky, and went back to watch Leicester vs Man City instead.

[whiskynottea]

An Interruption in the 1st Law of Thermodynamics

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16, Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23, Chapter 24, Chapter 25, Chapter 26, Chapter 27,  Chapter 28, Chapter 29, Chapter 30, Chapter 31, Chapter 32, Chapter 33, Chapter 34, Chapter 35,  Chapter 36, Chapter 37, Chapter 38, Chapter 39, Chapter 40, Chapter 41, Chapter 42, Chapter 43, Chapter 44, Chapter 45 

AO3

@theministerskat , once again, thank you for betaing this story!

Chapter 46. Bluebells and Blue Balls

We spread our fingers out, trying to grasp time, to drag it backwards, if only for a little while; a month more, a few days, a single hour. Laws of the heart trying to defeat the laws of physics. Impossible.

Time kept slipping away through hollows and creases, invisible like the wind, carrying along laughter and touches instead of leaves and dust. Relentless, it continued its journey, bringing us closer to the crossroad where our path would finally split in two, where our hands would be too far away to touch, where our breaths would never reach each other’s mouth but would vaporize towards the limitless sky to reach the same stars.

We returned to Edinburgh for Jamie’s SATs and my BMAT. We both left the exam halls with smiles on our faces. When Jamie had to go back to Lallybroch, I entered Lamb’s office with my best puppy dog eyes and the pleading obvious in my voice.

A week later, I was at Lallybroch again. I was with him again – with his eyes on mine, his hands on my skin, his closeness. I would keep him close for as long as I could.

It was a grim October morning when he cornered me in the hallway, eyes glinting with mischief. And something else. Something I placed only after hearing his voice.

“A year ago,” he whispered, leaning into me, “I kissed ye.”

It hit me like a bolt of lightning. I had forgotten. A year ago, that night after the escape room…

Wait a minute.

“I kissed you, you mean.” I grinned at him, teeth flashing wry and cocky. A grunt left his throat and I hardly kept my chuckle inside.

“I kissed you, too, if I remember correctly.” His voice promised more and more kisses to come as his arms snaked up my sides.

“But I was first.” I heard my own voice hoarse, nothing like the light tone I intended.

“What can I say, I am irresistible.” A corner of his mouth tugged up, in this indeed irresistible lopsided smile of his.

“Oh, shut up!” His cheeky smile soon disappeared beneath my lips.

I kissed him, long and hard, until our chests rose and fell together, and his taste mingled with mine, creating something different, new. Something that was wholly us and wholly ours.

Jamie, at last, withdrew from our kiss, dark blue eyes boring deep into mine. His hand left my curls before it dipped into his pocket, only to emerge again with something hidden in his palm.

“A year ago,” he whispered, eyes glinting with happiness. Dark, clear skies, like the ones we spent our nights looking up at, from our spot on Calton Hill or the hill behind the house. “I kissed the girl I had always been looking for.” His hands came up to my neck, fingers lightly grazing my skin before he locked in place a simple silver chain with a stem of bluebells hanging just below my clavicles. He had given me bluebells that day too, when he’d come to pick me up. And then a bluebells bracelet on my birthday.

I raised my head slowly, looking up at him - at his soft gaze, his smiling lips. “Bluebells,” I said, my voice almost a whisper.

Jamie nodded, his fingers now trailing invisible paths on my neck, my jaw, my cheekbones. “Bluebells,” he repeated.

“It’s so beautiful, Jamie.” The flowers I held when we hardly knew each other, when I walked next to him and he wasn’t mine. And now, I would always have them against my skin – a part of him, a part of our story.

Jamie kissed my brow, lips lingering on my skin for a long minute. “D’ye ken, that bluebells bloom only in Spring?” he asked, his deep voice echoing through my body.

“But how? It was October when you first gave them to me.”

“I dinna ken. A wee miracle. They bloomed for me to give them to ye, Sassenach. They were waiting for us.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I cupped his face between my palms and brought his lips to mine.

“I ken ye dinna wear the bracelet,” he started saying a moment later, his face clouding just a bit. “But – ”

“I love my bracelet,” I interrupted him. “It’s just that…that…” I raised my hand between us, dangling and shaking it. “I’m not used to… I always…” I couldn’t find the right words to explain. “I guess I’m not a bracelet-kind of girl? And I don’t want to break it?” It was a question and a plea, because I needed him to understand, to know that it didn’t mean less to me because I didn’t wear it.

“Claire.” His voice was serious, but softened immediately. “I ken. And I bought ye a necklace, so it won’t get in the way all the time. And then when ye’ll wear gloves…a bracelet isna that easy to wear. But if ye don’t want to wear the necklace either,” he paused, then shrugged. “It’s okay.”

But all I could think was a single word. Gloves. He thought that far. Months, years after. Years, when he hoped I would still wear his necklace.

“I’ll wear it,” I said and kissed him again. “I love you.”

My lips left his and traveled down his neck, biting and sucking, until I could feel him breathing hard and loud.

“Sassenach.” His voice was strained, and I closed my eyes trying not to smile against his skin, content with the effect I had on him. Glad, he felt like the way I did when his lips were on me. “Come?” He took my hand, ready to walk back to his bedroom.

Locking my feet in place, I pulled him back. “I can’t. I promised Jenny I would help with the pies.”

“Ye can help later,” he said. He wasn’t asking.

“I’m already late. I’ve got to go.” I squeezed his hand in sympathy, in a silent sorry. He didn’t let me out of his grasp.

“So I’m giving ye bluebells and ye’re giving me blue balls in return? This is the pattern of our relationship?”

Unable to resist, I barked a laugh. Blue balls indeed, because I had left him in a similar condition when he’d given me the bracelet on my birthday. With a provokingly raised eyebrow, I freed my hands from his long fingers, mouthed a ‘later’ and turned to leave.

His heavy breathing and a hiss that sounded vindictive were the last things I heard before entering the kitchen. Later, I paid for my smugness. Jamie entered my room late that night determined to take revenge. His teeth bit all the sensitive spots of my body and his tongue trailed healing paths where the red marks would soon appear, until shivers ran through me. His mouth locked on my nipples, sucking long enough to make me whimper. His hands caressed my body, but he didn’t touch me where I wanted him the most. The pads of his fingers traveled close enough and then withdrew, nails scraping against the soft skin of my inner thighs. No matter how hard I tried to pivot to get him grant my requests, he kept teasing and taunting me until he was sure I would never deny him again. I tried to touch him too, but he kept maneuvering out of my grasp. Soon enough, we were both equally breathless. When Jamie finally entered me, the gasp that left my mouth released the last bit of air I had kept inside my lungs. And with that, all I breathed in was him. Cardamom and cinnamon and the oranges we had eaten after dinner. And I was full of him, his body completing mine, all my senses his to conquer. All his senses mine to drink from.

--

The next months passed in a blur. Jamie received the scholarship from the University of Michigan.

My interview at Lady Margaret Hall went more than well and all I had to do was to wait for the results.

Lady Margaret Hall. Twenty minutes away from Pembroke college and an eternity away from Michigan. We had made plans and life laughed at our expense. But still, we would move on. We would make it.

It was the weirdest Christmas I had ever had. Stranger than the time I was alone with Lamb – when we hardly celebrated Christmas. This Christmas, though, was different. Everyone was happy – we were supposed to be happy. And yet, currents were trapped between us, creating static, making us think every move, every kiss, every heartbeat that brought us closer to that moment when doing these things would be impossible. And even thinking about it, was solid receipt that we would be torn in two.

And yet, defying everything, we clung to each other. Made every moment count.

Jamie left right after Christmas.

We all drove him to the airport together, crammed inside Brian’s car, keeping silent apart from Murtagh who was trying to lighten the mood with inappropriate jokes.

My heart had sunk deep down my chest and I glued my body to Jamie’s, hoping that the steady rhythm of his heart would wind mine back. His lips were tender against my forehead, his arm wrapped around me, warm and solid, keeping me close. But his heart… His heart was drumming, preparing for war, destined to frighten his enemies like a bodhrán going into battle.

I felt the air travel down my larynx, rushing towards my trachea, filling my lungs with every breath, as if it was trying to prove that I would continue living without him by my side. All I did was to close my eyes and focus on his scent, his warmth, the way his body felt against mine.

I will miss you so bloody much, Jamie Fraser.

I didn’t even dare whisper it in his ear, afraid that tears would rise like the tide, destroying the wall I had built around my feelings like a castle in the sand. So I bit my lip hard and waited. 

Waited to arrive at the airport. Waited for Jamie to hug his family. Waited, breathless, until he would leave, and I would fall apart.

Jamie stood in front of each one of us, his eyes glazed, taking us in for a minute before he was enveloped in our arms. Each, giving him a different hug.

Brian’s hug was strong, keeping Jamie inside his arms as if he was a wee lad again. Full of trust and pride, and a little fear for his son who was old enough to live that far away from home.

Murtagh patted his head first, ruffling his hair, and then gave him a crooked, proud smile. His hand didn’t stop patting Jamie’s back the entire time they were embraced.

Jenny hugged him tight and Jamie wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her up from the ground, just so. She kept whispering to him and they both had tears in their eyes when he set her on her feet again.

With Ian, Jamie did a childish handshake, bumping fists in a flawless pattern that showed they had done the same thing a million times, and then they bumped into each other, their laughter a bit louder to cover all the built-up emotion.

Then, it was my turn.

Jamie walked to me, met my eyes for a long moment and pulled me forcefully to him. His arms were strong around my body and he set his chin atop my head, securing my face against his chest where I could feel every beat of his heart.

Don’t cry.

I didn’t know how much time had passed when I pulled back and looked at him with a bittersweet smile. He bent his head and we stared into each other’s eyes for a long moment before my forehead rested against his. At this moment, with eyes closed and our breaths intermingled, I was peaceful. I wished it could last forever.

“I love you,” I whispered, even though I was well aware he knew it. I had told him a ridiculous amount of times since he had been admitted to Michigan. But I couldn’t help it, I needed him to know.

“I love ye too, my Sassenach.” Tears rolled down my cheeks before I realized it.

“Hey, now…” he chided me, but his voice was soft, his face glinting with tears of his own.

“It’s going to be okay,” I said, short, loud breaths leaving my nose in something that could be a chuckle. Or a cry.

“I’m not leaving ye,” he whispered, kissing the tears from my cheeks. “Ye’ll always be in my mind, in my heart. Every second, every day.” I nodded, and he mirrored my response. “And I’m going to be in here,” he said, lightly setting long fingers over my heart. “And here,” he continued, tapping my temple with his index finger.

This time I really chuckled. “You ridiculous human being. Go, before I change my mind and keep you here.” I pointed to the floor, meaning the airport, Scotland, UK.

“Aye,” he smiled with mischief. “I’ll go, before I change my mind and take ye wi’ me.” He kissed me then, lips tasting of love and promises. “Forever,” he breathed, and his arms tightened around my body for a long moment before they reluctantly let me free.

I didn’t want to be free.

I saw him taking his luggage and I kept watching him as he walked towards the gates. Just before scanning the barcode on his ticket he turned back, and I saw his blue eyes sinking in mine, and I swallowed my sobs, and I mouthed ‘I love you’ simultaneously with him.

I didn’t realize I was walking to him. But I saw his long strides bringing him closer and I rushed, feet moving on the brink of running. I crashed against his chest and squeezed him tight until he brought my lips to his and kissed me. It wasn’t soft. It was desperate and painful, and it made my whole body tingle. Needing him. We broke apart, panting, grinning, eyes shooting flames and hands craving for skin.

“Go,” I whispered, and he nodded but didn’t move. “Nothing is changing. Go,” I repeated.

I walked back to the others and ignored Jenny when she said, “Now that was very rom-com-like.” She still had tears in her eyes. Jamie waved, and we waved back, and I didn’t know how so many broken hearts would fit in Brian’s car on our way back to the city.

I felt my knees wobble as we walked towards the exit, and the next moment Jenny’s arm was around my waist.

“Hey, now,” she whispered. “It’s going to be okay. You’re stronger than this.”

I couldn’t stop rubbing my bluebells necklace between my fingers, as if it would summon him back.

A moment later my phone vibrated inside my pocket.

Scot: I can smell you on my clothes and it’s driving me crazy.

I chuckled.

Sassenach: I’ve got my bluebells, do you have your blue balls?

Scot: Yeap, here secured in my pants.

Sassenach: See? Nothing has changed.

Scot: I love you and I miss you already.

Sassenach: Me too. More than you can imagine. We kept texting until he was on board, and then again during his flight. Neither of us slept that night, too busy to hold tight the tether that brought us together. 

Chapter 47