#and also seriously frustrated by the fact that I can't seem to get any customers; fr

[neganium]

sometimes I worry that I'm asking for too much money for my services, but then I actually look at what I'm asking for and am reminded that, oh yeah, I'm probably not asking for enough!

[svft2jae]

[2:15PM] "you know what? it's just that i'm tired of always giving people care, but never receiving in the same way. i wonder if i'm the one doing something wrong." between small pauses you confessed to tattooartist!renjun, blurting out the deepest heaviness off your chest. though you played with your own fingers nervously, the touch of his soft ones on your neck still felt refreshing and cozy, whenever he'd rest a bit between every trace the small needle created. but sometimes you also sensed his breath shaky hitting you and a bit of trembling off his actions as well through the silence he locked himself into, yet it wasn't for anything you'd imagine or wonder about. in fact if you could read off renjun's thoughts, specially at that moment, you'd quickly see how and why since a good time already he's been like this, too afraid of letting out anything that'd make him regret his life later as long as it came to you ─ and in some way among it all, honestly what he most wanted was for you to do so.

"you're not doing anything wrong, i think. you're already perfect. maybe you're just, seeing things wrong, or not like you should see." you finally hear renjun mutter out some words on a random point during the process, as if they've been build off with knifes, just as many times you'd assume he sounded like before, but now instead he didn't want to be so careful at all. renjun for once had the certainty he just couldn't let you feel like you were alone, although it'd mean to risk himself. "but, i can't find more, i just can't- perhaps, is there anything you see that i don't, renjun? what should i do?" inevitably your questions remain vivid and too intense, almost like hundred burdens over your best friend's mind and flow down the so delicate scattered petal draws fresh done to decorate your skin, reflecting his undoubtable, incredible talent, just as in the frustrated breath he let out right after a little line get accidentally made up by mistake. perhaps yes, he did. and perhaps, just perhaps, if somehow you'd get to know it could not be so bad, you could perhaps either not judge or hate him for it, since you were there beside each other from a considerable amount of time, or in other possibilty feel just the same. perhaps what they say about finding courage and confidence to cross a borderline is indeed essential to achieve what makes you happy, and that about it always being better to go express or confess when you ever feel something for someone. perhaps all of this could be right and he had absolutely nothing to lose after all, and what he just needed was to try, for once.

"renjun?" you said out of the blue, bursting a bit of the other silence formed although his lips only trembled with hesitation, words frozen in his tongue. so instead of doing anything or making a step ahead in the way his heart screamed to he just shook his head, taking in a deep breath to reorganize his own thoughts and go back to finally face this phrase he once read in his books that he's been always afraid of. what will be, will be. "ok it's done, y/n. i'm just cleaning it a bit more. hope you'll like it anyways." again you heard his quiet tone behind your back, what calmed the worried material inside your chest somehow, when you felt him suddenly take the small tissue off your skin and not pick up the mirror so you'd check the result like you've always seen him doing to every one of his customers as a typical habit of his, but just stay close to the painted area, no moves seeming to show up. yet just when you were about to look around to ask if he was alright or such you got caught by surprise with his soft fingertips holding your jaw still and his puffy nose nuzzle your nape, while just at the moment warmth traveled your spine renjun's lips came in contact to your neck skin, making the bare spot burn.

almost immediately everything around seemed like they had stopped, as you could do nothing besides having your eyes wide and keep sensing heat running over your face, but for renjun nothing felt better, for the first time in awhile he didn't care. slowly the black haired boy let himself melt down the warmth crushing over his body with the touch he created and started to press soft kisses along your neck skin where every tattoo traces were, some of his hot breath and the brush of his soft lips together to light sucks and the tip of his tongue a few times caressing little spots on it, all through his fingers rubbed your jaw lovingly to keep it in place until less than a minute he pulled away, biting his lower lip when he noticed two faint flushed marks on the petal draws signing his kisses. even though now his heart would be easily racing faster than a car engine renjun just rubbed his thumb over them and stood up silently from his chair, going foward to pack up his work stuff on the red backpack he always carried with him as if nothing out of common had happened and went to kneel in front of you, just so he could hand you a cream pot for your new made tattoo and teach you how you'd use it, right then to feel a beat skipping out his chest as he saw your messed up, flustered face with your mouth agape at the mixture of feelings almost swallowing your heart up. "here, use this for one week before sleeping, it'll help not to crack. and..." he mumbled calmly until his right hand came back to hold your flamed cheeks and closed again the space between both of you to now as simple as it could seem capture your fluttering lips on the warmth of his own, eyes closed through they moved just for a bit so he could experiment the wonderful feeling of having yours pressing in between like he'd always dream for, soon in some seconds pulling back with the taste of his overloaded sweetness lingering on the place he kissed.

"just, call me if you struggle with anything. the studio will enter on break today." he completed, as along the seriousness of his expression renjun simply picked up his stuff again and walked off the front door where he saw you first came in the way regulars would do often, leaving a confused you sitting still on the top chair with a blank stare to one of the white walls, as if not seeming to take in any of the events through the last minutes whether they'd be a daydream or not.

but otherwise anything you'd imagine or wonder about there renjun was biting his own knuckles amid he fastened the pace of his footsteps away so the weight wouldn't kill him right into his chest, regret being all that flashed over his mind when he wished it was better if only he had endured himself, if you could read off his thoughts instead.