#and did not think to send a message back to Corunir and Ethe before committing oops

[a-lonely-dunedain]

39 for ethedis?

39 Avoiding a conversation.

Isengard sure is the Situation that keeps on Situation-ing huh! even long after your characters have left and are Safe. (: Ethedis has decided that, no she would rather not process her trauma tonight, thank you very much.

She didn’t like to talk about it, about Isengard. 

None of them did, understandably, but her case was for slightly different reasons. 

It wasn’t because she had endured torments any more terrible, quite the opposite in fact, and that was the problem. Between Tossir and Lothrandir’s efforts to draw the ire of their captors –in true ranger fashion– Ethedis had gotten off lightly, compared to them at least. 

Which wasn’t saying much all things considered, but it was enough for some part of her deep down to think she had no right to complain. She didn’t have it as bad as them after all, it wouldn’t be worth troubling anyone over. It would be more selfish than anything.

Her friends’ concern was better spent elsewhere, she thought, though she still flinched when someone moved a little too quickly around her. It’s not worth the worry, she thinks, even as her mind still wanders to dark rooms and laughing uruks when she walks past a smithy and sees the red-hot iron and feels the heat of the forge.

But now, after the end of the war, she found that Corunir’s worry, once pulled in a million different directions, had precious little else to focus on besides a single point named ‘Ethedis’

Somehow, that just made her feel worse.

Corunir could tell plainly that her heart was troubled despite the end of the war, but always she would dismiss it as something mundane. Just being tired or something like that. She could tell he wasn’t buying it, but she still didn’t wish to tell him about it. The last thing he needs is to be burdened with such things, she thinks, as if her wellbeing is a burden.

Now she wanders aimlessly through the gardens of the upper city, stolen from their bed at some unholy hour by dreams she would rather not recall.

“Ethedis, are you feeling alright—?” Corunir almost startles her.

“Of course, never better!” She replies a little too quickly to be convincing, smile a little too wide to be genuine.

“I see…” the concern is evident on his face, guilt writhes in her stomach. “Just wondering why you happen to be up at such an odd hour then”

“I merely wished to enjoy the fresh night air” she assures cheerfully. It wasn’t really a lie, she found the starlight and cricket songs soothed her anxious mind, a little bit at least. But she had neglected to mention that part, even though she knew it’s what Corunir’s question was really getting at.

“Well, care if I join you then?” he moves to walk beside her.

“Oh, don’t let me keep you up-”

“Please, I insist” she’s not getting out of it that easily “I wouldn’t want to return to bed without you anyway.”

“…sorry to have woken you.” She wishes she hadn’t made so much noise fumbling around their room for her robe before she left.

“Think nothing of it. If I valued sleep over your wellbeing I would not be out here.” he says plainly.

“My wellbeing? I assure you everything is fine.” She insists. Lies, actually.

They stop near one of the fountains, its gentle music filling the silence as Corunir searches for the right words.

“If I may be so bold…” he eventually says “I think I have known you long enough to tell a genuine smile from one that is forced. And I have seen more of the former and less of the latter as of late. Something is troubling you, isn’t it?” His tone is gentle and not at all accusatory, yet somehow Ethedis still feels cornered.

Just her, Corunir, and the Mûmakil in the room she would rather not address.

“…is it that obvious?” she asks a little sheepishly

“Maybe not to everyone, but I’ve… developed an eye for such things, you might say. Is it one of your wounds again? We may want to have a healer take a look-”

She shakes her head “No no, it isn’t that. The healers have tended to them well, I hardly feel them anymore, and when I do it is quite manageable.” Almost a lie, technically the truth. It was indeed old wounds bothering her, but not of the physical sort and not from the Morannon.

“I’m just… worried about Tossdir, that’s all.” There was plenty of truth in that statement, though not the whole of it. It seemed enough to convince Corunir at least, and he gives her an understanding nod with a thoughtful hum. 

Tossdir wasn’t in the city anymore, as he had escaped serious injury in the Morannon and grew restless knowing some foes may still lurk in the corners of Dagorlad and Ithilien. As far as Ethedis and Corunir knew, he was still there with Faeron, helping the Rangers of Ithilien rout out what scattered foes lingered in their lands.

“I’m worried too, but it will do him no good for us to lose sleep over it. He’s not out there alone after all, he will have plenty of capable friends there to watch out for him.” He puts a comforting arm around her shoulder, Ethedis just breathes a small sigh of relief for the fact that he’s no longer asking well-intentioned questions she doesn't know how to answer. She leans into him a little bit. “And besides, it’s not as if he’s actually gone to Mordor. Just… a little too close to it for comfort.” He seemed to be speaking to reassure himself just as much as Ethedis. “But he will be fine, I am sure of it.”

“Hmm, you’re probably right...” Ethedis just stands there under his arm for a little bit, wishing she felt brave enough to be honest with him.

But what good would it do either of them if he knew? some part of her thought it might feel better to talk about it, but was it worth it? Worth burdening Corunir with the memories that tormented her so? the beatings and the fire and the torture- No, no it wasn't worth it. She should keep that to herself, she survived it after all, she will be fine. She has to be.

"Well! we should probably head back now." she announces rather abruptly before pulling away. Corunir looks a little taken aback, but follows her back to the guest-house.

"Of course... just, if there's anything else-" "I will tell you, don't worry."