#and don't get me started on the scene in the VERY early chapters when guan shan is running from she li in the subway and barely makes it ->

[faynthearted]

maybe I'm overthinking things, but whenever I see people talking about significant/transformative moments in tianshan's relationship (barring their fight, the kiss, the ear piercing, etc.), I'm always a little disappointed no one points out the scene where the boys are going through the cardboard boxes of random things from he tian's childhood and he tian says something to the effect of, "the entire world is out there but everything I've ever owned only fits in these two boxes" and then he discreetly places his hand palm-up between him and guan shan. and guan shan pauses for a moment before placing his glass in his hand. and then the chapter ends.

this moment is one of the few panels I've saved over the years:

like... it's short but there's so much emotion behind this scene, it's hard for me to put it into words succinctly. and it stands out to me because it's not particularly intense or climatic like their other big moments. it happens soon after she li assaulted guan shan on the riverbank — which was heavy on the drama and ultimately the catalyst for tianshan's relationship. he tian had also just been financially cut off from his family and guan shan had been physically and emotionally vulnerable/exhausted for some time. basically, things were still raw and hectic for both of them in different ways

so this quiet, subdued, and wordless interaction between them on the balcony was very interesting. I honestly think it's one of the first instances in which tianshan have a personal/intimate mutual understanding of one another without an outside force influencing it or the moment being interrupted. and somehow, it's both abnormal and very fitting that he tian didn't make a grand gesture in this moment. like, if you think about it, he simply turned his hand on the cushion and looked at guan shan. it wasn't obvious; he wasn't making a scene. but of course guan shan, hyperaware of him, noticed

and the fact that the chapter ends after that also stands out to me. again, if he tian was being his normal self, he probably would've said/complained outright that he obviously wanted guan shan to give him his hand, not his glass, or he probably would've grabbed guan shan's hand as he was placing the glass down because he tian always just takes what he wants and tames guan shan's defiance or embarrassment after the fact

but instead, the chapter ends. and it doesn't even feel abrupt, really. it feels complete. and it makes me assume that he tian accepted the glass as guan shan's response and didn't press the issue. he might've just held onto the glass in his lap (or drank from it while maintaining eye contact) and then moved his attention back to the group at large. and, again, that's both abnormal and fitting for him in this scene

and I know I just said "guan shan's response" but what's frustrating — and fascinating! — is that I've yet to come to a definitive conclusion about what the (unspoken) question/response between them was to begin with. of course, he tian had just finished talking about the paradoxical state of his life — about how he could have everything and yet he has next to nothing — so maybe his "question" for guan shan was as simple as: "even if I don't have/want anything else, can I at least have you?"

but I also think it's interesting to consider that jian yi immediately laughed at he tian after he finished talking, accusing him of being dramatic (and in jian yi's defense, he'd never really seen an honest version of he tian like guan shan had at that point, so I don't blame him for thinking he tian was just being melodramatic for attention as per usual). anyway, jian yi and zheng xi got a good chuckle out of it, but guan shan didn't. iirc, he actually looked a bit lost in thought before he noticed he tian looking at him, and then his hand between them

with that small detail, it makes me think he tian's question leaned more toward: "do you believe me?" or maybe "do you understand me in the ways I want you to?"

I'd like to think he tian wouldn't have offered his hand if guan shan had also rolled his eyes with zhanyi — poor little rich boy — and dismissed what he'd said. but then again, with the state of their situation/relationship at that point, I don't think there was a chance in hell that guan shan would've dismissed him. I'm sure we can all agree that he tian's intense emotional response to finding guan shan injured and subsequently taking care of him without expecting anything in return drastically changed guan shan's perspective of him. guan shan had a lot to process at that point in the manhua, and a lot of hard truths to start acknowledging. it was clear that he tian had a lot on his mind during that time, too

so guan shan placing the glass in he tian's palm might've been him saying, "I'm still figuring this (us) out... but my answer isn't no" (hence the reason why he tian presumably didn't push the issue further bc he was more cognizant of guan shan's boundaries by this point) or it might've been him saying, "yeah, I'm starting to understand you, and you're not what I thought you were but that's not scaring me away" (therefore affirming he tian's question so he didn't feel the need to pursue the moment or make a bigger scene)

in any case, although there's no continuation after that scene, I think they were both satisfied by the end of the evening. I don't think he tian was disappointed by guan shan's response, and guan shan would've known that too. in fact, I'd argue that guan shan wanted to reaffirm he tian's emotions in that moment. the worst (yet easiest) thing guan shan could've done is look at him, look at his hand, and then look away and ignore him — literally leaving him empty-handed. that would've left he tian in a sour fucking mood... or at least a bit wounded

but instead, guan shan chose the more honest/reciprocal route even if he wasn't 100% sure yet. and... I don't know. it really stands out to me and I think a lot more was happening in that interaction than what could've been expressed in words. and yet I've literally never seen anyone talk about that scene since it was posted — which, fair enough. it's only a couple of panels. but I think about it constantly!

[m3ntally-fray3d]

Simply, I think it's like this ...

maybe I'm overthinking things, but whenever I see people talking about significant/transformative moments in tianshan's relationship (barring their fight, the kiss, the ear piercing, etc.), I'm always a little disappointed no one points out the scene where the boys are going through the cardboard boxes of random things from he tian's childhood and he tian says something to the effect of, "the entire world is out there but everything I've ever owned only fits in these two boxes" and then he discreetly places his hand palm-up between him and guan shan. and guan shan pauses for a moment before placing his glass in his hand. and then the chapter ends.

this moment is one of the few panels I've saved over the years:

like... it's short but there's so much emotion behind this scene, it's hard for me to put it into words succinctly. and it stands out to me because it's not particularly intense or climatic like their other big moments. it happens soon after she li assaulted guan shan on the riverbank — which was heavy on the drama and ultimately the catalyst for tianshan's relationship. he tian had also just been financially cut off from his family and guan shan had been physically and emotionally vulnerable/exhausted for some time. basically, things were still raw and hectic for both of them in different ways

so this quiet, subdued, and wordless interaction between them on the balcony was very interesting. I honestly think it's one of the first instances in which tianshan have a personal/intimate mutual understanding of one another without an outside force influencing it or the moment being interrupted. and somehow, it's both abnormal and very fitting that he tian didn't make a grand gesture in this moment. like, if you think about it, he simply turned his hand on the cushion and looked at guan shan. it wasn't obvious; he wasn't making a scene. but of course guan shan, hyperaware of him, noticed

and the fact that the chapter ends after that also stands out to me. again, if he tian was being his normal self, he probably would've said/complained outright that he obviously wanted guan shan to give him his hand, not his glass, or he probably would've grabbed guan shan's hand as he was placing the glass down because he tian always just takes what he wants and tames guan shan's defiance or embarrassment after the fact

but instead, the chapter ends. and it doesn't even feel abrupt, really. it feels complete. and it makes me assume that he tian accepted the glass as guan shan's response and didn't press the issue. he might've just held onto the glass in his lap (or drank from it while maintaining eye contact) and then moved his attention back to the group at large. and, again, that's both abnormal and fitting for him in this scene

and I know I just said "guan shan's response" but what's frustrating — and fascinating! — is that I've yet to come to a definitive conclusion about what the (unspoken) question/response between them was to begin with. of course, he tian had just finished talking about the paradoxical state of his life — about how he could have everything and yet he has next to nothing — so maybe his "question" for guan shan was as simple as: "even if I don't have/want anything else, can I at least have you?"

but I also think it's interesting to consider that jian yi immediately laughed at he tian after he finished talking, accusing him of being dramatic (and in jian yi's defense, he'd never really seen an honest version of he tian like guan shan had at that point, so I don't blame him for thinking he tian was just being melodramatic for attention as per usual). anyway, jian yi and zheng xi got a good chuckle out of it, but guan shan didn't. iirc, he actually looked a bit lost in thought before he noticed he tian looking at him, and then his hand between them

with that small detail, it makes me think he tian's question leaned more toward: "do you believe me?" or maybe "do you understand me in the ways I want you to?"

I'd like to think he tian wouldn't have offered his hand if guan shan had also rolled his eyes with zhanyi — poor little rich boy — and dismissed what he'd said. but then again, with the state of their situation/relationship at that point, I don't think there was a chance in hell that guan shan would've dismissed him. I'm sure we can all agree that he tian's intense emotional response to finding guan shan injured and subsequently taking care of him without expecting anything in return drastically changed guan shan's perspective of him. guan shan had a lot to process at that point in the manhua, and a lot of hard truths to start acknowledging. it was clear that he tian had a lot on his mind during that time, too

so guan shan placing the glass in he tian's palm might've been him saying, "I'm still figuring this (us) out... but my answer isn't no" (hence the reason why he tian presumably didn't push the issue further bc he was more cognizant of guan shan's boundaries by this point) or it might've been him saying, "yeah, I'm starting to understand you, and you're not what I thought you were but that's not scaring me away" (therefore affirming he tian's question so he didn't feel the need to pursue the moment or make a bigger scene)

in any case, although there's no continuation after that scene, I think they were both satisfied by the end of the evening. I don't think he tian was disappointed by guan shan's response, and guan shan would've known that too. in fact, I'd argue that guan shan wanted to reaffirm he tian's emotions in that moment. the worst (yet easiest) thing guan shan could've done is look at him, look at his hand, and then look away and ignore him — literally leaving him empty-handed. that would've left he tian in a sour fucking mood... or at least a bit wounded

but instead, guan shan chose the more honest/reciprocal route even if he wasn't 100% sure yet. and... I don't know. it really stands out to me and I think a lot more was happening in that interaction than what could've been expressed in words. and yet I've literally never seen anyone talk about that scene since it was posted — which, fair enough. it's only a couple of panels. but I think about it constantly!