#and everyone should send Abby compliments cause she’s very mean to herself and she doesn’t deserve itt

[boomerang109]

♧ i want one 😡

send me a ♧

of course!!

You’re my: bestie, co-podcaster, most-consistently-talked-to-friend

How I met you: the zuko jesus/judas post (i don’t know what was happening tbh, and SOMEONE deleted it so....)

Why I follow you: other than the obvious, i appreciate that you clearly cúrrate your material. whenever i check in on your blog there’s only a few new posts, you put up a few quality posts instead of spam reblogging (i’m a spam reblogger tho so, no shade towards the many people i follow who do that)

Your blog is: relatable—full of great quotes and hard hitting posts, amazing queer stuff, bullying hella, and high quality fandom posts. also i love when you post about your life, it’s always great to hear about (yes even when it’s a complaint/rant, i enjoy knowing how you’re doing

Your URL is: funny. peak creativity. also we match (our names and then a number) which is cute

Your icon is: you!!! i literally smile everytime i see your icon. not even because i was there (and viiiiibing very much) when you drew it, but also just cause it’s so pretty and i love the bi pride and the fact that it’s YOU

A random fact I know about you: you have a rainbow shoebox in your closet and have been almost kidnapped multiple times

General opinion: i literally want to grab you by the shoulders and shake you because i literally see so so many people loving you because you’re so freaking amazing, but you can’t see it. which is insane. please, read this with your little voice that negates all my compliments turned OFF. read this with a voice that believes what it reads, or at the very least reads it neutrally. cause i promise i won’t write anything that isn’t true. you’re so resilient and strong (and if you can’t at least admit that, after all you’ve survived, than your mean inner voice has not turned off as requested). you are kind and patient (you’ve literally listened to me complain so often, you give amazing advice, and put up with how terrible i am at communicating). you’re beautiful (you literally are. your hair is gorgeous, you look so pretty without makeup and yet you’re so good at it and so you elevate your looks so much? and you’re so fashionable!!). you’re so fucking intelligent. and i know you don’t believe that but my reasoning is too important to even go into parentheses. first of all, if you weren’t book smart, that’d be okay cause you’re CLEARLY life, people, etc (aka the important types) smart. but you literally ARE traditionally intelligent too. abby, i literally spend my ENTIRE day working on schoolwork and i still don’t comprehend most of it. and you are able to spend just a few hours and still pass classes. do you understand how incredible that is?? i know you don’t, cause you’re always thinking you’re dumb when you’re literally not. (not to mention the fact that your brain literally makes it hard to study or sit in class or do homework, so even if you had a normal amount of time it would STILL be harder for you than it is for most people). you being in a shitty situation where you can’t dedicate the amount of time you want to to school work, doesn’t mean you’re not intelligent. the fact you’re still in school despite working essentially a full time job AND taking care of multiple children AND running a podcast AND continuing to talk to friends?? like, you don’t seem to realize how fucking spectacular that is but it really really truly is. because not only are you doing more than any one person should have to, but you’re doing each of those things so so well. literally, this is already so long and i didn’t even talk about how important you’ve been in my life or how much i love talking with you or so many other things you deserve to hear, but i’m trying to go to bed before midnight tonight so i’m gonna cut myself off. but please, abby, please do whatever you can to be neutral to yourself. i know being nice to yourself is probably too much to ask, but i just don’t like hearing you say so many terrible things about someone i love so so much. so everytime you start to think one of those self-deprecating thoughts, imagine a little boom with their water pistol going “NO ABBY’S AMAZING” cause i really hope one day you can see how incredible you really are

A random thought I have: grace and clara if you see this, i probably won’t be answering your asks yet cause i have some other things i want to do before bed. but no one is being ignored, im just bad at answering asks. (also Clara i think im ignoring yoy on multiple platforms, that’s just me being terrible at communicating. one of them was literally just me going ‘oh I’ll answer that in one second’ and now it’s been 48 hours so like. whoops. you’re probably not surprised but i do still feel bad cause i appreciate our friendship and ignoring people, intentionally or not, doesn’t exactly help portray that very much)

[not-so-freshman]

A Moment of Madness.

Becca x MC (Becca’s POV)

What was meant to be a chill night out helping Kaitlyn, turns into a night of frustration for Becca.

Parings: Becca x MC and a little Kaitlyn x Annisa. 

Rating: Mature (because i use specifically 1 swear word.)

Word Count: 3300+ (i was going to put it in parts but it flows better this way)

Note: Requested by me, This is dedicated to all the Becca Stans who head-cannon her as The Jealous Girlfriend ™ (I.e All of us 😅)

Friday night, and that meant only one thing, roommate bonding night. Well it was meant to be but Chris was off out with the football team and well Abbie was being lame and was not up for it. Instead Alison, Zack and I was going to be back up while Kaitlyn went out with Annisa for the first time.

“Oh, so I’m basically going to be the 5th wheel on a double date.” Zack sounded deflated, it’s not like we were forcing him to go.

“It’s not really a double date?” Alison spoke up while sitting on her bed, trying to reassure Zack, except for that it basically was a double date.

“Okay then I’m the only GUY on a LADIES night.”

Peeking my head out from Alison’s closet, I notice Zack's glum expression. “Fine then stay here by yourself.”

“No, no, I want to go!” Zack had suddenly changed his tune and seemed all up for it. He swiftly left the room, and I continued to comb through Alison’s wardrobe.

I’m trying to pick her out something to wear, obviously wanting my girl to look her best. Though admittedly she didn’t have to try hard, she is stunningly beautiful, but I wasn’t going to tell her that in front of Zack. Though, maybe I should tell her?

I turned around to see Alison still sitting slouched on her bed. “Erm, you know I’ve come to realise you can pretty much pull off anything so…wear what you like.” Alison’s eyes widen and she gets up to approach me. “no, no its okay, you clearly like picking my outfit.”

She snakes her arms around my waist and It feels like someone has switched on a magnet as I feel a pull, an irresistible urge to place my lips on hers.

“Hey Alison! can you pop this zit on my ba...” We both freeze in place as the door swings open revealing a rushed Kaitlyn. “I’m interrupting stuff, aren’t I?”

“Err no its fine Kaitlyn!”

I mean it wasn’t fine but whatever, I returned to flicking through Alison’s closet. Two girls should not be close enough to be popping each other zits, that is just disgusting. “Oh, Kaitlyn you should put some toothpaste on it.” I look over at her and she raises her eyebrow looking confused, I was only trying to help a girl in need. “Dries it out, no messy drama that comes with popping the thing.”

“That kinda just sounds like your trying to make me look silly.” I came to really like Kaitlyn over the months but heck she did not need help looking silly, I folded my arms and throw a look to Alison, knowing only she was going to convince her friend of anything.

“Honestly, it could be either way at this point.”

We get to the bar, its reasonably busy but we manage to claim an empty four-person table in the centre. Kaitlyn and Annisa go and take seats left of the table, while Alison and I take claim of the right side of the table.

“Oh, look the fifth wheeling has already started.” Zack jests while getting an extra chair from another table so he can join us. but before he can sit on it, Alison abandons her seat to the right of me and claims the fifth seat for herself, leaving Zack little choice but to sit next to me.

Zack looks at me as he slowly and reluctantly sits. I muster a smile and nod at Zack, he seems to relax, a little too much though as he throws his arm around my shoulders catching me off guard.

“I’m lucky Alison seems to of tamed this tiger, I’d have my head bitten off by now.” I considered removing his arm for a moment but I didn’t want to ruin his fun, he was already a bit unsure of himself having to hang out with us four.

Kaitlyn’s band mate stood up and wrestled with her seat. “Hey as a thank you for having me around, let me get the first round of drinks.” We were hesitant at first but she insisted, everyone gave Annisa a warm smile as a thank you, and she sauntered off to the bar.

As Zack finally decided to remove his arm from around me, Kaitlyn took the opportunity to lean forward and whisper to us. “Help! I have no idea what I am doing.”

“Have you told her she looks cute this evening or anything like that?” Alison added a little too quickly for my liking, looking over to her I found myself curious, did she think Annisa was cute or was that just advice?  Worry fell over me as I looked over to Kaitlyn, she needs a little encouragement. “Alison, Kaitlyn doesn’t want to lie to the girl.”

“Hey she does look cute!” Kaitlyn scowls at me.

I can’t help smile confidently having successfully goaded her. “I was kidding, why don’t you tell her that?”  Kaitlyn’s scowl fades and she seems to stare into space thoughtfully.

Annisa returns with 5 drinks on a circular tray, they wobble and clink together as she sets them down. I can see Kaitlyn watching her, waiting for a good opportunity to dazzle her with a compliment, at least I hope that’s why she was staring at her so intently. 

Instead of hearing Kaitlyn’s voice, Annisa begins to speak and it catches me and Kaitlyn by surprise.

“Alison, hope you don’t mind me saying, but you are owning that dress.”

A twinge hits my stomach, I can’t remember the last time I felt so uncomfortable.

“Oh, thank you Annisa, Becca actually picked it out for me, she did great as usual.” Alison smiles at me and my cheeks fill with a warmth, I’d like nothing more than to reach and grab her hand, if it wasn’t for Zack being in the way.

My attention is then drawn by the silence at our table, glancing at Kaitlyn, she looks slightly dumbfounded. I nudge her foot under the table with mine in an attempt to jump start her mouth into actually saying something.

“Erm, Annisa I think if anyone is owning anything, it’s you in that outfit.” smooth Liao! I see a blush take over Anissa’s cheeks as she shies away.

Then, a loud screech rips through the room, sending a shooting sensation up my spine and we all look over to the corner to see that one of the staff is setting up the karaoke machine. We take turns looking at each other, almost like we are talking telepathically. NO, I am not singing tonight or any night for that matter.

We resume to speaking aloud, but it isn’t long before we are interrupted again, by a different member of the bar staff. He carefully places a full to the brim drink on to the table next to Alison.

“Excuse me, the guy over there brought you this drink.” We all quickly glanced to where the bartender pointed over to before returning our eyes to each other. Alison politely thanked the bartender and looked over to me, looking completely puzzled, any one would have thought she didn’t get that kind of attention often.

Kaitlyn and Annisa turn their seats so they can fully appreciate the first idiot to go up and sing some cheesy pop song, just then Alison’s hand approaches the newly placed drink, causing another blow to my stomach. “Alison you’re not going to drink that are you?”

“Why not? It be a waste not to.”

My gut churns and realising my teeth are clinched once more I draw in a long calming breath. I can’t believe she is that naïve, that she thinks accepting the drink is harmless. “The drink is a question, ‘can I come over and talk to you’ that sort of thing.” I explained, Alison said nothing in return, she just raises her eye brow at me puzzled, or maybe she thinks I’m crazy. Am I going crazy?

Zack eyes widen and he interrupts himself from sipping his drink. “Yeah and like drinking it is saying ‘sure come on over.’”

“See! He gets it.” I smile to him, thankful for him backing me up and I nudge his arm playfully, causing his drink to spill.

Alison whimsically rolls her eyes at us and pushes the drink to the centre of the table, conceding this point to me.

Kaitlyn then turns around to face us, and speaks quietly trying to take advantage of Annisa’s lack of attention to the group.

“Okay, I think this is going well, I dunno if she is like, enjoying herself?”

“I’m sure she is! Don’t worry about it.” Alison being her usual supportive self, but I disagreed and booed at her disapprovingly.

“Listen Kaitlyn, she is here with 4 other people, at the end of the night she needs to remember having the most fun with you.” She seems to be considering what I said as she looks to Annisa who is slowly swaying along to an out of tune drunk.

“You should go up and duet together…”  Alison looks over smiling at me goofily, I fear I planted an idea in her head. “…or some cheesy crap like that.” I added, hoping it would throw her off.

The Karaoke drunk stumbles off stage to an over enthusiastic applause, Kaitlyn whispers something into Annisa’s ear and she reluctantly nods, both of them get up and volunteer themselves next to sing. Well this should be interesting. 

The music barely begins to blast out before Annisa’s seat is taken by some familiar looking stranger. “Hey I couldn’t help but notice you never had the drink I sent you.” Alison’s face draws a complete blank and she becomes a stuttering mess, no doubt trying to think of a nice way out. 

“Erm, it’s not really my sort of drink?” a blatant lie as she failed to observe that he had ordered her the exact same thing she had already been drinking. I think I’d be madder if she didn’t look so darn cute when she was flustered. 

“What she means is, she’s with me, she’s not interested.” I folded my arms, in attempt to keep them locked in place so I could resist throwing something, anything in his smug face. All the while I watched his thoughtful gaze bounce between me and Alison. 

“Wait, you and her?” he then tilted his head with a squint looking very dim-witted, I saw no need for him to be surprised, but then his gaze shifts from me to Zack. “I saw you and that guy earlier looking kinda…so I assumed- “ 

“ERR NOO!” Zack and I protested in absolute horror, almost perfectly in sync. I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or vomit or some combination of all 3. The stranger made a swift escape having realised how much of an idiot he was to think that me and Zack, eww, were dating, never mind Alison being completely out of his league.

I turned to my right and tilted Zack’s chair so he slid off onto the floor landing with a thud. He looks up at me, eyebrows raised and mouth agape. “You two are swapping seats, NOW.” I demanded, Alison leans back in her seat and folds her arms, and a knowing smile creeps across her face, “please.” I added. 

Kaitlyn and Annisa return from the stage, just as Zack gets up off the floor and rearranges his clothes before taking the end seat, and Alison then takes her rightful place next me. she places her hand on my knee and gently caresses it with her thumb. “Hey, I’m sorry about…you know. I didn’t want Zack to feel awkward so I took the end seat.” 

Oh, but she didn’t mind me feeling awkward. I know that isn’t what she meant, I just couldn’t help feel annoyed, a toxic wave had been bubbling away inside me since we got here, it begins to calm though as Alison closed the gap between us, and touched her nose to mine and gently rubbed them against each other. I snort inwardly at the corny gesture. “I suppose you are forgiven.” 

“That easily huh? I was going to offer to get you a chocolate mudslide.” 

“Oh, I don’t even wanna think about how many squats I’d have to do to work that off...”  Alison chuckles with the shake of her head, and I place my hand on top of hers. “...though, I can think of more fun ways to work it off.”

And their it was again; my body is made to feel completely weightless at the return of that pull from earlier that evening. 

“GUYS you do realise you’re not alone?” Zack waved both his hands, trying to draw attention to his presence. 

“oh, leave them alone.” Annisa said whilst laughing. 

Alison pulls away from me and she offers to get the next round of drinks for everyone, she gives me a tiny wave as she skips backwards towards the bar. Zack watches her leave then leans in close to me. “so, when’s the wedding?” he asked me, I know he is teasing but my face feels as though it is on fire, before I could even consider my response, an obnoxious laugh tears through my body, I swivel on my chair to see some red head talking to Alison. I feel that twinge from earlier again as I lean forward, inspecting every element of her. She’s pale, slim with long flaming hair, and I already hate her.   

“If you keep staring at that girl like that, you’re going to burn a hole through her skull!” it seemed my stalking hadn’t gone unnoticed by Kaitlyn.

 “Good! The maybe she’ll drop dea…it, maybe she’ll drop it.” 

“I think they’re just talking, you can chill out.” I turned to the table and found the 3 staring back at me, I dismissed Zack’s remark with nothing but a sigh and turned back to hear more obnoxious laughter coming from the red head. Those drinks are taking forever, why is Alison even talking to her? 

Suddenly my world turns to slow motion as I’m forced to watch as she places her hand on Alison’s arm, whilst forcing that ridiculous laugh. “Okay! did you guys see that? That was a move. I’m telling you.” 

“Becca, seriously Alison will handle it.” 

I folded my arms in a huff, conceding. Zack was right, I decided to make a conscious effort to keep my back to them, I just had to take deep breaths. Along as I never hear that stupid giggle again, I’d be fine. 

But then, there it was right on cue like she could hear my thoughts. Cold runs up my spine and there is a toxic stab in my stomach, taking hold and twisting inside of me. “THAT’S IT!” 

“erm?! Where – “ 

“I think we’re about to witness the human equivalent of a dog urinating up a tree!” 

That’s the last thing I can hear Kaitlyn and Zack mutter as I leave them behind. I’ve lost it. My legs have taken over and before I know it, they’re stomping their way over to the bar, Alison turns to face me and gives me the sweetest smile, a pang of guilt scratches at me, but it’s not enough to stop me in this moment of madness. I’m leaving a mark, I take her by the shoulders, and I plant my lips on her cheek, forcefully smudging against her 

“oh my god, how insecure do you have to be." 

The bitch walks off in a huff, I pull away from Alison’s cheek, she’s smeared with my red lipstick. Her sweet and endearing smile now replaced with an unreadable expression.  She slumps off with a sigh leaving me behind with nothing but the drinks, my aching chest and knotted stomach.

I look over to our table, Kaitlyn is trying to say something to me but I can’t hear over the jumble of chatter and music, she’s now waving frantically at the door, trying to wave me off to go follow Alison outside.  

I step out and she is standing by my car, looking out into the cold air with her back faced to me. I nervously approach her and wrap my arms around her waist, resting my chin on her shoulder, man, I thought she’d pull away.

“I’m sorry that I got all…”   I didn’t fully know what this is, all I know is every time I felt this way, she was there, it always involved Alison in some way. 

She turns her head towards me a little, her cheek almost touches me, still stained with my red, angry mark. “I don’t mind that you got jealous that’s normal. But I wasn’t a fan of how you responded to it.” 

I pull away from her as I begin to shrink inside myself, that was it, I went from being jealous of who she was and everything she could do, to being jealous of what? nearly everyone else that might want to talk to her, steal her away from me. What did I hate more? Someone paying attention to Alison or her paying attention to someone else, that wasn’t me.

and that she might not feel... what I do? Because why would she. 

“What you thinking Becca?” I hear Alison’s voice drift from behind me. 

“That’s its difficult being in a relationship knowing…the other person could do better.” 

I hear her take a few steps towards me and she takes my hand in hers “I don’t need better, not when we fit so well.” As she pulls me to face her, our eyes connect, my ears and cheeks boil, I feel exposed. My heart pounds, faster and faster, it’s as though it would leap out at her if it could. Well, it does belong to her after all. 

“I love you.” 

The words escape my lips so easily, so comfortably, like I’ve said them a thousand times before. yet they’re left hanging there in the quiet as I watch Alison’s face go from startled to more serious. I wait and wonder if I’ll ever hear them back, my body is about ready to flee unable to handle the deafening silence, I’m starting to doubt if she even heard me. 

“Becca, I love you too!” she lunges at me, wrapping her arms around my waist, lifting me off the ground slightly. “I can’t believe the Becca Davenport has fallen in love with me.” 

“More like pulled” was all I could just about say as she squeezed, barely able to breathe never mind talk or anything else. She quickly set me down though, probably noticing the strain in my voice, she looked at me confused. I couldn’t help place my arms around her neck, pulling her in close.

“Alison, you saw me at my lowest and built me up to be better than I ever was, and you didn’t take an ounce of credit. How could anybody not be pulled into loving someone like that?” somehow she smiles even wider and I return it with my own.

 “Becca, I can’t handle not kissing you right now!” she urgently pulls me in, pressing her lips into mine in a passionate kiss. Everything appears to melt away, as we completely breathe each other in.

Alison ends the kiss a moment way to soon. “I could spend forever alone with you…”my heart flutters, I could only silently agree with her as she brushed her thumb across my cheek. “…but we should get back to the others.”

She was right, she took me by the hand and we walk back inside to join the group, but when we got inside, I saw no sign of Annisa and Kaitlyn, I scanned around for them as we made our way back to the table, where Zack gave us a frosty welcome as he simply pointed to the corner of the room before folding his arms in a huff, the other girls had left him alone to play pool and tonsil hockey. Man, he looked pissed. 

“See Alison I told you, Fifth wheel, FIFTH WHEEL!!”