#and honestly i look like more like my paraself…

[acircusfullofdemons]

PARAMAY DAY 13 (CREATION)

*inhales* oh boy, here we go…

Claypso was created on January 12, 2018, the day/day after I had seen the movie “The Greatest Showman”. It Unlocked something in my brain because the MOMENT I got home I pulled up Pinterest & started looking for inspo to make a Cool New ~*Self Insert OC*~. I can't really remember my exact thought process (who knows wtf 14yo Luka was on) BUT I do know I specifically made Calypso to represent "me". I would then joke for the next 2ish years on how, despite this, I made Calypso a boy when I identified as a Cis Girl. Idk I just find that fact so funny now that I’m nonbinary. (In the same vein, I also made him confident/proud of his bisexuality when I still had no clue if I was bi or not. We love projecting onto our own ocs/paras <3).

Calypso is the parame I remember actively making, thinking, "this Character is me but runs a circus" (I had just seen The Greatest Showman so inspo was strong there lol). Which is funny, because if you look at Cali, then look at me, I don't think you'd think/realize that?? His personality is very much…the opposite of mine lol. I am not a super cool extrovert that has multiple friend groups and goes on odd adventures. I’m on tumblr participating in a month-long oc challenge. Clearly something went wrong /j.

Uh. I made him at a time when I was questioning if I was Bi or not (I mean i was a freshman/starting highschool. Do any of us know who we truly are then?) so I kinda projected that into him??? In all honesty I feel like he should fall somewhere on the aro spectrum as well, since I'm aro & that's important to me, but I want it to evolve naturally if it at all happens so I won't entertain the idea just yet.

Funny enough, homeboy has always been a homeboy. Er, what I mean by that is, even tho I made him based off of me/representing me, having him be a (cis) male was one of my first decisions for him. At the time I wasn't 100% sure why, maybe I was influenced by the movie, which had Hugh Jackman star/play as PT Barnum, both males. But uh *looks @ nonbinary flag* I think there's a reason why now. Also part of the reason he's so feminine / """girly""" I guess. Tbh I probably projected into him a lot more than I realize (coughdaddyissuescough) but he is my parame & started out as a paraself, so it's fair.

Oh wow I haven’t even gotten into the original version of his story yet. It’s honestly not that different from how it is now, with a few minor differences. Originally, he was just the circus’ ringleader and died trying to save Clairette from a lion attack. The time loop was because he was the son of Persephone and Morpheus (yes..the greek gods…they were a thing in this once) so I think Persephone allowed him to be a Poltergeist?? OH and Macbeth was his half brother which made their relationship kind of sad because Cali genuinely wanted a sibling relationship but Macbeth just wanted him dead (Macbeth is a Reaper and his job is to collect Souls Cali is literally a lost soul do u see the problem here).

The VR stuff was always canon (except for that brief period of time where I got insecure and it wasn’t and everything was just their normal life which made things less confusing but also there was literally no plot lmao). Idk what else to say uhm fun facts: 

His default playlist is a little over 8hrs long and is currently the longest playlist I have on Spotify (that I listen to. My instrumental playlist is a little longer but tbh I rarely touch it).

He used to have gold eyes. They were quickly changed to blue and got shifted into the turquoise they are now! In addition to that, his first design used to have him wearing an actual ringleader outfit. He also used to have black hair, then light purple, and finally the dark purple it is now. In total he’s been through roughly 7-8 redesigns.

Cali is combined with a previous character, Anthony Morningstar. Anthony was inspired by Pride!Roman (an AU of Roman Sanders from the webseries “Sanders Sides”) and is the reason Calypso is now a prince! I scrapped Anthony because I had no idea what to do with his character and felt like him & Cali were too similar to really justify them being different people.

The tarot cards that represent him are “The Magician” and “Page of Wands”.

“A Million Dreams” from The Greatest Showman is his theme song.

....this is all probably Too Much. hm. have the first drawing of Cali I ever did (it is from 2018 😞)

[chronic-cane]

I don't have DID but may fit the term plural through MaDD (I don't know the possible discourse, so if I heavily pissed you off with that, sorry). If so, then I started fitting into the term when I was like 9 or 10.

Basically, I fit the general description of maladaptive daydreaming disorder for most of my teen years, and even throughout childhood, I constantly daydreamed, even when treated for inattentive type ADHD.

I created a storyline and constantly added and altered it along with the main characters of it.

I wanted to make comics of it or animate it, but decided that career aspirations should have healthcare in mind.

I typically talked to one for advice and made him to have someone I could relate to. His brother exists for protection and as an outer shell, but wasn't originally made with that purpose. He was originally the villian in the story.

And I give them these attributes before applying them back to myself. They are halves of me, but are also their own separate entities. They have their own story but also exist in a separate world made for a general representation of the mind. This has other characters, or paras, but the two brothers, who I haven't named in the post because it's obvious a child named them, are the main ones.

Orion, Stitched, and Zox all came later, and their names make me less self conscious. Orion is the paraself and I think I may have a drawing of him somewhere-

I drew this when I was 15 and its been transferred through two phones so yeah it doesn't look the best but that's him

But yeah, they help me figure out how I feel and what to do next at this point because they've developed to a point where I can't really control what they say or do.

And I'm thinking of this now because one of them became more active again to help me out, and I honestly love him.

I know that it's not exactly a neurotypical thing to have my cognition like this, but since it's not harmful in itself, I don't really care. It would just be better to know how other people describe it so that way I can describe it better myself.

[undaydream]

well time to journal todays daydreams (cringe)