#and how am I just now processing the acab tattoo??

[hosannas]

for the 97th time (tonight)

things that show up in one’s time capsule and lighten the heart.

hello, it has been a while.

i have left journalism, simultaneously the easiest and most difficult decision i’ve ever had to make. in fact, it should terrify me how easy the choice was, how simple the process. i was talking to shukri today about failing upwards and wondering if i should have tried more things or places instead of choosing with this illusory unerring certainty only to later wonder.

i have been investigated by the police several times, they can take a hike. acab. rsf think my work is good so i’ll take that as validation to temper accusations of disturbing the public peace. 

i am working with one of my best friends and that is a joy i am always grateful for. we talk foreign policy, unclos, human rights, cats, security, social justice, cats, writing, asean, democracy, competitive authoritarianism, cats. 

i got three cats! gorbash the week i interviewed with the institute, atreyu some months later and tehanu (the foundling, my little nunu) when i took atreyu for his last vaccination. gorbash is a lionhearted but irascible loyal oyen, atreyu is a magical tuxedo dapper and drug-addled, tehanu is a princess with eyes like stained jade and a motorbike purr. danial thinks they look like adorable little gremlins, ears sticking out everywhere. i rescued another tabby last year but rehomed him because he is definitely a solo fluff. 

i started a website with some friends late last year, 5050malaysia.com. we are doing well. i hope that it is something people use and enjoy using. 

i outed surendra ananth as a sex pest and harasser. it was not an easy thing to do, mainly because i hoped that there was some formation in which it was an unthinking mistake and he was remorseful but no, no, he is a stain on humanity. surely it is common sense for a 30-year-old working adult to stay away from college girls? 

i had many plants and then lost many plants because i got cats. now i have some plants. 

i started pole last year thanks to nicole and now i have a pole in my study, i am out of practice but that just means it is time for more regular indoor dance parties.

i also got five new tattoos last year in the brief period where studios were open - khang wei said that the sleeve has just been dragging on for too long and let’s get things on the road. he was, as usual, correct.

i did work with the llrc and bwi-apac, it taught me that my skills are very much my skills and there is so much more to learn. 

i bought a new car last year! it go vroom.

i started kolektif bungaraya, a support group for survivors of sexual assault and harassment. i am trying to plug the gaps in advocacy and support work that exist because we’re just not adapting to online call-outs as quickly as we need to be: how do we do these better? how do we support those who use #metoo? how do we provide grassroots, hands-on backup? mahajoth has been invaluable in this, bless him. we have managed about ten cases in the last few months (which isn’t bad for one woman, three cats and a kind lawyer). at the same time i’ve been training to become a crisis support officer, which is doing wonders in teaching me how to maintain healthy distances. 

the point of all this is that things have shifted and changed and happened even as it felt the world was ending around our ears. there’s been so much death and pain and loneliness for so many that it seems unbelievable that we wake up every morning, put socks on one foot at a time, brush our teeth, do laundry. is there a message about resilience here, or just futility?