#and how realizing you’re gay/queer can be devastating and also beautiful and terrifying and and and

[heygirltimeformorning]

do I want Buddie to be canon? sure. but not at the cost of their characterization. listen, shipping is fun and fandom is fun and I see everything that everyone else is seeing - but I think Eddie Diaz has some Shit To Unpack and he deserves to Unpack That Shit at his own pace (which is, yes, glacial). I’m certainly not the authority on queer identity, and as someone who grew up in the church and had deep, internalized homophobia to sort out before I could come to terms with my own sexuality, I think Eddie needs to have his own Moment with his sexuality because he has a different understanding (bc of his upbringing) than Buck does, clearly, of queer identity and that’s ok? I would even go so far as to say that it’s beautiful? being lgbt isn’t always a neat little realization - sometimes it’s really, really scary to have your entire worldview rocked and start coming to terms with something you maybe shoved down deep because it wasn’t something you were safe to be.

(and yes I recognize the irony of this - writing and reading fics where Buddie are happily together with minimal interruption to their daily lives, or where the realization is natural and maybe that could happen (idk I’m not the authority here) in the show, but do I see a show that prides itself on The Drama giving us a neat and tidy resolution to Buddie? haha no. but that’s why I’m a fanfic writer and not a show writer - I get to write my little fantasies in the safety of fandom.)

tldr; if Buddie does go canon, I think that a neat and tidy little “Eddie is Gay and He’s Totally Cool With It” ignores certain things we’ve seen from Eddie. Not that Eddie is homophobic (bc it’s canon he’s not ok) - I’m saying that as a later-in-life queer who was like #ally!! until I had a breakdown about kissing my (female) friend, self-hatred is a hell of a drug.

there is something about “it’s ok for others to be [this], but not for me bc I am [fill in the blank].” Eddie does not view “gay” as negative but I do think he has some shit to kick through & that’s ok - he deserves the chance to do that.

[competitioneddie]

I agree 100%. Buddie discourse facts to me.

Tommy gets to be angry that Buck isn't 100% on board with being openly bi from the get go. I'm-an-Ally Buck gets to feel out of sorts about his sexual awakening.

It's only fair for Eddie to have that too.

And Buck gets it because he was on the recently queer and awkward side of things too, not long ago. Buck gets it. But Eddie deserves to Unpack That Shit TM.

And Bucks deserves better than putting his own identity crisis on the back burner to hold Eddie's hand through his.

Historically, main characters have paired off to other mains because it's the only way to get romantic screen time without disrupting the natural rhythm of the show (re: buckabby, bathena, madney). It makes sense for buddie to go canon alright but if it does it can NEVER ungo. They have to get it right.

do I want Buddie to be canon? sure. but not at the cost of their characterization. listen, shipping is fun and fandom is fun and I see everything that everyone else is seeing - but I think Eddie Diaz has some Shit To Unpack and he deserves to Unpack That Shit at his own pace (which is, yes, glacial). I’m certainly not the authority on queer identity, and as someone who grew up in the church and had deep, internalized homophobia to sort out before I could come to terms with my own sexuality, I think Eddie needs to have his own Moment with his sexuality because he has a different understanding (bc of his upbringing) than Buck does, clearly, of queer identity and that’s ok? I would even go so far as to say that it’s beautiful? being lgbt isn’t always a neat little realization - sometimes it’s really, really scary to have your entire worldview rocked and start coming to terms with something you maybe shoved down deep because it wasn’t something you were safe to be.

(and yes I recognize the irony of this - writing and reading fics where Buddie are happily together with minimal interruption to their daily lives, or where the realization is natural and maybe that could happen (idk I’m not the authority here) in the show, but do I see a show that prides itself on The Drama giving us a neat and tidy resolution to Buddie? haha no. but that’s why I’m a fanfic writer and not a show writer - I get to write my little fantasies in the safety of fandom.)

tldr; if Buddie does go canon, I think that a neat and tidy little “Eddie is Gay and He’s Totally Cool With It” ignores certain things we’ve seen from Eddie. Not that Eddie is homophobic (bc it’s canon he’s not ok) - I’m saying that as a later-in-life queer who was like #ally!! until I had a breakdown about kissing my (female) friend, self-hatred is a hell of a drug.

there is something about “it’s ok for others to be [this], but not for me bc I am [fill in the blank].” Eddie does not view “gay” as negative but I do think he has some shit to kick through & that’s ok - he deserves the chance to do that.