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angelisverba · 4 years

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no need to be sorry

in which y/n realizes she loves Jason, and he can’t touch himself to the thought of her because it makes him feel guilty

word count: 12.8k

pairing: y/n and her brother’s best friend, jason

warning: strong mentions of sexual trauma and abuse. please read at your own caution if you are not comfortable with that .

author’s note: originally this was supposed to be a super long piece (and the last one) but i wanted to put something else to make the last part even longer :) THIS IS NOT EDITED, sorry not sorry hehe

March is a very confusing month.

For y/n, it meant SAT cramming and intensive camps for the retake in may. A maxed out speed on her brain as to keep up her grades (and even improve them because God knows her math grade needs urgent care) and constantly keep her nose in her books because finals were approaching soon.

For Jason, and the entire senior class for that matter, it meant renting out tuxedos and making appointments at the beauty salon in preparation for prom, buying tickets for prom, finding a prom date, asking out said date in a cutesy way that was memorable for both parties.

It meant asking y/n to be his prom date, but not drag her away from her studies because that just wouldn’t be fair.

Hell, Jason still hadn’t taken his girl out on a second date because she was such a busy bee, and had to settle for ‘study dates’. Really it was just him watching her chew on her bottom lip as she transferred notes from her chemistry textbook to her notebook, his own work splayed out in front of him, meaning to be completed but his attention diverted elsewhere. She’d glance up with burning cheeks to tell him that his glasses were sliding down his nose, and Jason— quite nearly in a hypnotic daze— would smile dopily at her and say ‘you’re so pretty’. She would shush him and tell him to get to work, or sometime ask for his help, and Jason would use that as an excuse to wrap his arm around her waist telling her ‘gotta whisper love, come close’ and proceed to explain how the law of gas, ideal gas, and Dalton’s Law of partial pressure differentiated from each other.

He didn’t mind this. Any time he got with her he treasured, but god did he want to keep her tucked at his side at all times to show him off. It was selfish of him to be jealous that she wasn’t spending time with him when all she wanted to do was study for her future; for college. Selfish because Jason already had everything worked out. He’d gotten a scholarship to his dream school via football and his good-ish grades. Dorming and transportation was all set-up; he was 100% ready to go.

But y/n? She’d confessed to Jason that she had no idea what she was doing with her life. That she was studying and doing all these things to look good for her college application, but her biggest fear was that they still wouldn’t accept her and she’d wind up going to community college. There were times where her bouncing leg would violently shake their table in the library so much, Jason would drag her out of the chair and take her on a short walk around the library (if her eyes were teary he’d sneak her into a corner and peck at her eyelids softly until she giggled). An effective strategy that resulted in a noticeable tent at his crotch, and a dreamy-eyed y/n that peeked up at him through her lashes with heated cheeks.

He’d say, “Are you relaxed now? Or should we go home?”

Home was his house. Y/n had her home, and Jason had his- respectively- but he referred to his place as ‘home’ and she never bothered to correct him. More often than not (once it got to this point) y/n would nod and they’d head over to his place.

And, well, who was she to pass up that opportunity?

Y/n enjoyed reading her dog-eared SAT book on Jason’s bed and falling asleep on her crossed arms. Only because she would wake up an hour or so later, glued next to his side, with him also napping, lips puffy and hair extra fluffy. His hair, how a complete chocolate brown color, closely cropped since he’d cut off all the blond, fanned on the pillow and curled around the frames of his tortoise-shell glasses that he never remembered to take off.

She’d always take them off for him, and the movement would startle him awake, his green eyes fluttering awake, eyebrows furrowed in a confusion that disappeared when he realized that it was just her. His sweet y/n with sleepy eyes who took his glasses off ever so gently, and reached over him to place them on his bedside.

They were wrapped up in their own little personal heaven when they were together, alone, and it was only disrupted when it was time for Jason to take y/n home. Grabby hands and kissy faces consumed them when she received a questioning text from her parents or brother, and the whole ‘do you really have to go’ ordeal took its course. And maybe- just maybe- Jason enjoyed the goodbyes because y/n always put extra effort into her goodbye kiss, leaning and pressing up against his mouth so their noses were squished against each other, her hand at the collar of his shirt to pull him even closer, communicating to him how much… how much she would miss him.

She knew that Jason understood, and when they broke apart with a wet suction noise, and her eyes fluttered open to meet his, Jason knew that she knew that he knew what she was trying to say. It was a slight moment of vulnerability on her part, because it was the closest they’d get to admitting/discussing the sexual parts of their relationship. Or rather, the lack of.

But never mind that, it didn’t matter to any of them. They could be intimate without having sex.

Right?

* * *

Jason was confused.

As silly as it was, prom was a big deal. It signified the closing of an era in a teenager’s life; the end of high school. A party to honor their struggles and begin a transition to a period of more struggles.

Traditionally, you attend a dance with a date. A girlfriend, a crush, a last resort. One could go with friends but, Jason has a girlfriend now and he’d be damned if he didn’t take his pretty girl and show off that he was the one that got her in the end.

The only issue was: the prom-posal.

He knew that y/n and him didn’t hang in the same crowd, and while they were both mellow, y/n held a little more reserve to public announcements.

She was shy.

Needless to say, Jason had a very big quest on his shoulders; to find a way to ask y/n out to prom in a way that was memorable and attune to her likings. He thinks he doesn’t think he'd be able to get over it if he messed this up.

“Jason? Bro are you even listening?” Andrew asked from across the lunch table. Kent stuffed french fries into his mouth, and glanced from both his friends.

“Sorry, man. What was that?” Jason presses the lock button on his phone, and places it down on the table.

“I was talking about the rager at Greg’s, is everything alright? You’ve been distant for a few days now, not having issues with y/n are you?” Andrew’s facial features darkened slightly, the deep concerns for his sister shining through his demeanor. Kent picked on the change of atmosphere, and his chewing stops.

Jason sighed, his shoulders slanting downwards and the fabric of his letter-man jacket coming to a close at his chest. His heart-shaped lips come to a pensive pucker, debating if he should tell his best friend what was on his mind.

At the troubled look on his face, Kent smiles encouragingly, and says, “You know you can tell us anything, J.” Andrew turns to look at his Kent while he’s speaking, and when he turns back to Jason, he nods, a knowing glimmer in his eyes.

“What’s up?” His girlfriend’s brother leans forward, prepared to listen.

“I don’t know how to ask y/n to go to prom with me.”

Andrew and Kent’s facial expression drop to a deadpan, and Jason’s eyebrows furrow in response, confused at their reaction.

“What?” He looked back and forth between his two unimpressed friends, who suddenly burst into laughter; snickering and pointing fingers at him through wheezed words.

“You’re fucking whipped,” Kent said, slapping a hand on Andrew’s shoulder and doubling forward.

“My sister,” their laughter calms down momentarily, “has you this upset?” And at his comment, the boys start laughing again, loud enough that it drags the attention of nearby tables.

“Guys,” the corner of Jason’s lips struggle to stay down. “It’s not funny.”

“Yeah, it is. Your panties are in a twist because of y/n,” Kent said, “Where is she?” He stands up from the bench and glances around the cafeteria, looking for her.

Jason’s eyes widen, and his jaw drops, amazed at his friend’s response. “Dicks,” he mutters. “She’s with her English teacher, preparing for an exam.”

Andrew’s chuckles die down again, and he shakes his head while rubbing his fingers on his forehead, grinning. “Deadass?”

“Yes!” Jason juts his head forward, nodding wildly. “Help me!”

Kent sits again, and places his chin on his palm. “Just go with what she likes, man.”

“Gee, thanks so much.” The stressed boy looks away, defeated.

Perhaps, it was a mistake bringing it up. Instead of receiving help, they were taking the piss out of him. He thought that maybe, because Andrew was related to the girl he was dating, he’d be a bit of hel-

“She keeps bugging me to take her to the aquarium.”

Jason whips his head around to look at his friend, crossing his arms on the table and leaning with interest.

“The aquarium?” He asks, eyebrows raising.

“Yeah, they remodeled a few exhibits and she’s been wanting to see them. Sent me a text about it a few days ago,” Andrew reached back to pull out his phone from his back pocket, unlocking it and pulling up a thread of texts from his sister. “Look.”

The boy takes the phone from his friend’s hand. Y/n had sent her brother a link to the aquarium’s announcement of a reopening that occurred a few weeks before, along with ‘pleeease can we go? pleeease?’ and a puppy-eyed emoji. Andrew had only sent a curt ‘we’ll see’ to which the girl responded with screenshots of seals and penguins.

A pang hit him straight in the heart, and he was saddened that she hadn’t asked him, given that he had refrained from taking her out in fear of distracting her from her studies. Yet, here she was asking to be taken to the aquarium, and Andrew showed no interest.

“Take her. Ask her there. The only reason why I haven’t taken her is because she’ll ask for something from the gift shop and they’re expensive as fuck.” Andrew shrugged.

Bingo.

With a composed look, he clicked off the phone and slid it back. On the inside, he was hopping up and down, pumping his arms with joy because everything had clicked, and he knew exactly what to do.

* * *

Y/n still felt butterflies every time Jason looked at her.

Every girl wanted to be looked at by someone the way he looked at her.

A soft, dreamy daze that took over his face, eyes shining with an enamored gleam. Lashes fluttering adoringly, and lips coming together in a smirk, like he held all kinds of secrets and wanted to share them with her. His look alone said it all. I want you and only you.

It was overwhelmingly passionate. So intimate; an open admission with no shame.

“You’re not even paying attention to me,” she whined, flopping over onto her back and throwing an arm over her head.

They were- as usual- laying on Jason’s bed, with one of y/n’s textbooks spread open in front of them.

“Can’t help myself,” he pushed up his glasses and raked his hair back. “You’re so pretty it’s distracting.”

At that, y/n turned herself over so she laid next to Jason again, but her face was still nestled in the crook of her arm where her cheeks flamed. “Stop it,” she said, words muffled.

“I’m serious.” She felt his weight dip on the bed, his hand coming to brush away hair that blocked the side of her face, and then puffs of air on her arm. Tilting her head so her eye peeked out, she saw that Jason’s mouth was hovering millimeters away from her skin, and when her eyes glanced up, an intense emerald gaze fixed on hers. “Like an angel, you are.”

Fire, heat, tingles littered the areas where his lips pressed against a trail into his skin. A blossoming feeling of affection imprinted onto her arm, and up to her cheek, where his lips lingered right underneath her lashes.

It became too much for her to handle, her heart and mind becoming muddled and confused through the overwhelming sensations that traveled throughout her nerves. Her cognitive senses seemed to refuse to acknowledge the difference between welcomed attention and… unwanted but forced attention. And, in efforts to prevent a hysteric scene or breakdown, she sprung up from her position, pressing a quick kiss into Jason’s cheek so he wouldn’t suspect anything, and sitting so she was almost completely off the bed.

Jason watched her with… rejection. But, she wouldn’t know that because she refused to meet his eyes. Instead she said, “Have you got marshmallows in the cupboard?”

“Uhh,” Jason cleared his throat, standing up and heading out of his room. “Yeah, I think so.”

She followed after him, shoulders hunched; ashamed. Mentally, she was pushing away repressed trauma from what seemed like yesterday. A haunting memory that refused to leave like paranoia.

“Tiny ones or…?” He heads straight for the silver door knob next to the fridge, stepping in to squat at the lower shelves. Y/n stands in the doorway, hands awkwardly at her sides.

“The big ones, please.” She doesn’t look up when he extends his hand to give her the fluffy white bag, and he doesn’t ask what's wrong.

Silently, y/n walks over to the kitchen island to pluck a skewer out of the drawer, and pops her hip to shut it. Jason lifts himself to sit on the countertop, his white shirt lifting to expose the pale sliver of skin that escaped from his grey sweatpants. Out the corner of her eye, she could see the enticing movement, and it caused her hands to shake, but she hid it in the twisting wrist movement of turning on the stove.

A tearing noise comes from behind her, blending in with the clicking noises of the stove turning on. Jumping at the startling disruption, she turns to see Jason with an Oreo midway to his mouth. He gives her an open lipped smile, eyes wide as if shocked, and it makes her burst into a chuckle.

“Can I get one?” She asked.

Wordlessly, he passed her a cookie. She took it, and it seemed that he purposely grazed his fingers over her palm.

Y/n yanked her hand away like he’d burned her.

Alarmed, Jason hops off the counter and moves to stand next to her.

“Y/n, is everything al-”

“Do you want a marshmallow?” She interrupted him, her breaths tense.

“Uh, no.” He said, his head slightly shaking in disbelief at her actions. Had he done something wrong?

The girl stabbed the skewer through the white candy, and twirled it over the flames, the edges quickly turning a golden color.

“Baby, what’s wr-”

It catches fire, and her lips blow them off before it turns completely black, the fuh noise that escapes overpowering Jason’s gentle words. She was scared of breaking in front of him. She was scared to show him how much she was holding in.

“Can you hold this?” Voice small and squeaky.

He took the skewer out of her hands, holding it while she opened the oreo cookie. Knowing what she was gonna do, he gingerly placed the melted marshmallow on top of the frosting covered cookie, and pulled away when she sandwiched the top cookie on top.

Y/n takes a bite out of the treat, and relishes in the slightly burnt, woodsy taste of the white taffy and how it melts on her tongue and slides with ease down her throat. So much so, that a small noise of appreciation comes from the depths of her chest.

“S’good?” Jason asked, a breathy-uneasy- laugh whooshing through his nose.

She’s nodding before she looks up at him, and her head stills when she locks eyes with him.

It’s the same, intense, focused look from before.

The one that promised so much. And it just- god she was so confused.

So confused that she leaned forward to kiss him, disregarding the fact that- in that moment- she didn’t want affection. She needed a bit of distance and time to process her emotions.

And instead of doing so, she lunged and connected herself to him in a smoldering embrace of their mouths. A sudden flood of inexplicable physical impressions, claiming, pleading.

Jason didn’t hesitate to respond, his hands appearing to cup at her cheeks, thumbs gingerly rubbing on the apples of her cheeks. He breathes deeply; a sharp inhale into her mouth that pulled his frame taught against hers. The forgotten treat pressed up against the divot of his pectoral muscles.

The instant his tongue snaked into her mouth, he was bombarded with the warm and sweet taste of her mouth. Marshmallows and just her essence crowding over his taste buds; his nose also breathing in the fruity scent of her hair and woodsy burnt candy. Urgently, his lips suckled on her lower lip, y/n gasping at the sudden, ardent actions.

Had she been any other girl, that would have been the night she finally let herself have sex with Jason.

The mood was right; they were both bleeding mad for each other.

But, y/n was y/n and that’s not how she was wired to go. Her mind began again with the confusion, her heart rate picking up double the rates from both the proximity of the boy and what was going to happen if the kiss continued. Did she want this? Fuck, of course she wanted this! Why was she…

“She’s not gonna do it because she’s a prude!” said one of the girls in the room.

“No, I’m n-”

“Yeah, you are y/n. You’re a virgin. Probably wouldn’t even know what to do,” said the same girl.

Y/n had been invited to a party that the cheerleaders in her class were throwing, and boys from rival school had been invited to. They were all sitting in a circle- enough people to fill up the living room of a rich man’s house- playing a game of truth or dare, and they’d just gotten to y/n.

She’d gotten dared to give one of the football players of the opposing school a blowjob… in the middle of the living room, with everyone watching. When they all saw her face fall, redden, and then pale, no one wasted time to verbally pounce on her hesitance.

“Look at her! She’d pathetic Marcy, she’s not gonna do it.” The girl who invited her, Marcy, looked at her with a smirk.

Embarrassed, and just numb to everything that was going on around her as well as what may come depending on her decisions. All she knew is that she needed to do this because she’d look bad if she didn’t. She didn’t want to be known as a prude. Even if she was a virgin. She didn’t want to be thought of badly.

“Yes, I will.” Her meek reply had silenced the whole room.

“Come over here, and blow me.” Chris was a sophomore that was known for his promiscuous ways, and the fact that he had a big… that was evident when y/n came to kneel in front of him.

Shaking, she sat in front of him with wide eyes, her back burning with stares and her heart pounding so hard she could feel it in her hands.

Throughout it all, she felt disgusting. Ashamed. And unable to breathe because the guy wasn’t letting her come off, holding her down with a strong grip in her hair. Tears burned on her lashes and down her cheeks, partly from being unable to breathe, and the other because she was scared.

God, she was so scared. What would happen to her when this got out? What then? When everyone knew what she’d done? There were more than enough witnesses present to attest that she’d given head to a guy she didn’t even know.

She’d felt a hand on her breast, and her eyes snapped open from their painful clench; alarmed. The guy sitting next to Chris had leaned over to touch her, and at her scared look he only laughed and continued to do it. His hand trailed lower and lower, and eventually she felt something hot spill down her aching throat. Her ears were ringing, her eyes bleary.

Much of how she escaped had been... blurred through her panic.

But the feeling… that dreadful, terrorized feeling. It was what deer felt moments before being impacted by a car.

She’d never forget it.

It was the same feeling creeping up on her then. The niggling, freezing, ambushed fear. It’s the reason why she pulled away from him, and said in a wet whisper, “I can’t.”

She hugs her arms across her chest, oreo still in hand, and turns away with her eyes dropped to the floor. Y/n’s mind is reeling, utterly confused and just so scared scared scared.

“Did I do something wrong?” Jason asked, trailing after her to place a comforting hand on her shoulder. His lips are a dark shade of pink, the skin of his cheeks a flushed color; if one were to look down, they’d see the heather grey color of his sweatpants was slightly lifted. But his arousal was pushed aside by his concern towards the small girl, who shivered when his fingers grazed her shoulder. He could see her eyes were shut closed, but a tear escaped to roll down her cheeks, and at that the thick hairs of his brows dipped to crinkle on his forehead. “Y/n?”

“I’m sorry.” She sighed, her words hitching and cracking. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”

Jason pulled her into his chest, his head shaking no no no to her apologies. “There’s no need to be sorry, dovie. It’s okay. You’re alright.”

“But I am! I so sorry, Jason. I-” Her words died on her tongue, collapsed by a series of sobs that ruptured out of her lips. She was guilty. So so guilty. She felt like she was lying to him by not telling him of what had… occurred.

“Baby, baby, hey. Y/n,” He pulled back to cup her face with his hands again, forcing her to gaze into his calm, forest eyes. “Listen to me. Deep breaths,” he began to inhale, his chest expanding with the intake of air. “You’re okay. I’m not mad at you for anything, dove.”

“You don’t know what I’ve done,” Y/n sets the cookie on the counter, and goes to wipe at her eyes roughly, Jason tugging at her wrists and doing it himself, shushing her as he does.

“Well I can’t be mad if I don’t know, yeah?” He gives her a small smile. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“N-no,” she shakes her head. “No, I don’t.”

“Okay.” He nods, still smiling. “That’s okay. I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready.”

Y/n just nodded and gave him a sad attempt to seem happy, but her chin began to tremble, crinkles appearing underneath her lip, and she rushed to dig her nose in the crook of Jason’s neck.

“Oh, sweetheart, I wish you’d tell me what’s got you so upset.” He murmured into her hair, his arms wrapping around her.

“Please, Jason. I don’t wanna,” She sniffled. “Don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Alright. I’ll stop asking. Don’t wanna stress you out anymore, dovie. You need a break as it is.” Jason rubs a warm hand up and down her back soothingly when he feels her nose dip into his collarbone.

She sniffles some more, a slight hiccup in her breaths, and Jason continues, “speaking of breaks,” this catches her attention, and y/n tilts her head so she’s able to rest it in his shoulder and look up at his side profile. “Would you like to go to the aquarium with me next week?”

At this, her head springs up so she’s eye level with Jason, her wet eyes gleaming as a surprised smile plays on her mouth. “The aquarium?”

“Yes, the aquarium.” Jason laughed at her response, his eyes flitting between hers. The skin of his chin crinkled because he was looking down at her, and y/n wondered how he still managed to look so good with a double chin. “A little birdy told me you’ve been wanting to go.”

Squealing, she said, “Oh my gosh, Jason please! Can we?!”

Jason pressed a small kiss to her nose, “Of course, silly. It’s why I asked.”

“I’ve been asking Andrew but he….” she trails off, and her eyes become squinty, “heeey, did he tell you?”

“Mayb-” She jumped suddenly at the feeling of her phone vibrating in her back pocket. The Simpsons theme song blaring through the quiet kitchen, and letting her know her brother was calling. Most likely to tell her it was time to come home.

“I’ll go get your stuff,” Jason mumbled, separating himself with a wistful look in his eye.

Y/n mumbled a ‘thank you’ and fished her phone out of her back pocket, pressing the green call button and holding it up to her ear.

“Hey, lover girl. Mom says it’s time to come home. See ya,” and he hangs up before y/n can even respond.

Rolling her eyes, y/n heads upstairs to help Jason pack her stuff with all her troubles plaguing her heart like weeds.

* * *

Y/n had eased up a little on her avid studying habits because the SAT had passed, and she studied hard enough that she wasn’t planning on re-taking the exam-- no matter the score. In addition to that, there was enough to place on her shelf to make her look… well, better than good. Years worth of community service work, volunteering, participating in and starting clubs, all about to finally pay off. It was surreal. Kinda stressful, too, but now that she had time off she wanted to decompress. Enjoy herself some.

To begin with, much of it was taking time off with herself. Meaning, no Jason, or Andrew, or her parents. Just her. She didn’t even have to explain to Jason that she wanted to be alone because after her initial comment of taking time off alone, he’d kissed her palm and murmured about how proud he was against her skin. No bitterness or spite attached. He’d even made a joke about ‘bro time with Andrew’.

The gym nearest to her house was offering a free month trial-- which just so happened to be the amount of time she was planning on taking to relax before starting to study for finals again-- and she took it up instantly when she found out that they offered yoga and guided meditation classes. It was most likely the best thing she’d ever done.

Apart from getting an hour of physical exercise a day (because yoga is harder than it looks) she was the most relaxed ever. Her sleep was the best it’s been in so long, and her body felt so light. Time to reflect, she’d decided, was very important.

Plus, her self-esteem had gone up knowing she was doing something to better herself for* herself.

For the most part, that was how most of her days went.

Go to school, sometimes she’d eat lunch with Jason, get a ride home from him (the goodbye kisses ignited her), head to the gym, come back home and fall right asleep. She took advantage of the first three periods to finish any work that she had to turn in.

It’s only logical that she’d be nervous the day of her date with Jason, since it hadn’t been on her mind at all, and she hadn’t been spending time with the boy so his presence has not consoled her. An anxious fervor had plotted itself in the depths of her belly, goading her like a devil on her shoulder. Better watch how you act, it said, or you’ll fuck this all up.

Jason was the same way.

The poor boy had also taken to working out to release his...stress. Sleepless nights were spent with the weight-rack in his father’s home gym- arms aching from the strain of bench pressing. Shirtless torso draped in a sheen of sweat, flushed a pink color and littered with prominent veins as he pulled his body upwards, jaw clenched and mind focused, having already reached the point where he listens to his body’s begs for mercy. Rhythmic release of tense breaths escaped through the hard line of his lips, muscles defined under a glint of perspiration beneath the lights of the room, shorts low on his hips. His curls dripped salty beads down the line of his nose, and matted on his forehead.

He lost himself in the repetitive movements, body going numb until his brain turned off.

It was almost better than sex. Hell he did it to forget about sex.

He swears his body chose to betray him every time he was getting ready to fall asleep, projecting filthy images of a girl so sweet, he felt guilty just humoring them. Swollen red lips, hot mouths, soft hands, perky breasts blotchy with his marks. These pictures were so explicit and vivid in his brain about y/n, who was nothing but sweet and kind, and had never come close to even insinuating the things he imagined.

Hell on earth-- torture is what it felt like, having to ignore sticking a hand down his pants and pulling at himself until he found relief with such an innocent girl on his mind. It made him feel icky and gross because she was so pure. Jason preferred to turn to exhaustion of his body rather than pleasure. And, more often that not he greeted his father’s gym with a scowl and determination to distract himself, pushing himself until he was nothing but a breathless, strained heap laying all tired-out on the bench, salty beads running a path down his forehead and dripping down his neck where his shoulders drooped-- defeated.

Waking up the next day was a burning adventure; muscles feeling as if they’d been shot through and pricked with needles over and over again.

But, his dignity was still intact and he was able to look y/n in the eyes with no remorse. The one time he’d jerked off to her, he was a sweating, burning mess as he made his way up to her in the halls.

He’d learned his lesson then.

His nerves didn’t run as deep as y/n’s, but he did second guess himself the more intricate his plan got. Take a certain route, be there at a certain time so there wouldn’t be so full, alert the personnel of his presence.

Jason had approached his mother, Anne, the night that she had come home, and questioned her about her friend’s sister that worked as a zookeeper, to see if she had connections to the aquarium. Turns out, she did and-and,

“Honey, what’s the sudden interest in Penny’s sister?” She looked up at her son while chopping green onions.

Stammering, he rubbed his neck and said, “I was kinda… wondering- maybe, uhm… you could call in a favor for-for me…”

“What for?”

“I wanted to ask… y/n to prom at the uhm.. The aquarium,” his cheeks go pink and he can’t keep steady eye-contact with his mother. She’s smiling at him knowingly, smiling at him from underneath the lip of the wine-glass she holds up to her mouth.

She smacks her lip, “Y/n? The prom? When did this happen?” Anne smirked at him, scraping the onions off the cutting board with a knife onto the pan.

This would be the moment where the distraught teenage boy goes off on his mom for being absent and not knowing a single thing about him. Slam his firsts against the counter-top while sneering.

But Jason loved his mother and they maintained good communication, so there would be none of that. “Start of February…” He bites his thumb.

The sound of sizzling onions is what fills in the silence of their gazes. His mother slowly nodded her head, and Jason blushing.

“I knew it.”

Jason furrowed his eyebrows at his mother’s statement. “What?”

“I knew this would happen. I knew it the day she first came in with Andrew. The instant you said her name, I knew.”

Jason furrowed his eyebrows at his mother’s statement. “What?”

“I knew this would happen. I knew it the day she first came in with Andrew. The instant you said her name, and that look in your eye…” She gleamed at her son. “You love her, don’t you?”

The boy gaped at his mother. Had he really been that transparent from the beginning? So much so that not even he had noticed his feelings? “You knew?”

“Course I did. Pushed you out of me didn’t I? Know you like the back of my hand.” His mother set the glass down and continued cutting vegetables. “It’s a mother’s instinct to know when her boy has been swept off his feet.” A soft pat on the cheek meets a dazed Jason. “Now, what’s this favor you wanted?”

* * *

Y/n was scared to admit how deep her feelings were for Jason.

Scared to admit that the usual fluttering gnaw at her ribs had developed into an inferno that took over her entire body, centering at her heart and spreading through her nervous system, leaving her skin a tingling network of her emotions.

Basically, take puppy love, and remove ‘puppy’. She loved him. With her entire being and more she loved him. She could see her life with him more secure than anything in her life, which was a big admission because the poor girl was all about security. And Jason made her feel more comfortable than anything in her life at that moment; he made her forget about anything that wasn’t them together in that moment.

The morning of their date was like one of those scenes in movies where the character just has that really big realization, and all her feelings hit her at once. Y/n pieced it all together in a few seconds. How much he meant to her, how she loved him* and how scary it would be if she were to admit her feelings and receive nothing in return.

It was at cause of these thoughts that her nerves revved up to their max, mind overthinking different ways that her feelings might cause this date to go wrong. Like something might slip from her lips; a rushed, urgent proclamation of her devotion full of jumbled stutters and met with a stunned look and a freshly single boyfriend.

“Honey, Jason’s here!” Called her mother at the base of the stairs.

Y/n watched herself grow pale in her reflection, teeth sinking in her bottom lip. No turning back now.

“Coming!” She took one last look at herself, pulling on the sleeves of the cardigan she layered over the long, white-eyelet dress she was saving for an occasion like this. It was a light, summer material with white embroidered flowers and a nice frilly detain around the waist. The creme cardigan served no purpose other than the fact that she was nervous, and covering up calmed her down. There wasn’t much to cover, but bare shoulders made her heart want to start a riot, screaming at her that people were looking and it was time to get anxious about whether she looked good or not.

She forced herself to tear her eyes away from the dewy makeup on her face, drawing her mind away from picking at it until it was perfect because it would never be that and it’s okay. Instead, she focused on what lay ahead of her for the day— and maybe that was a tad bit worse but that didn’t matter because she was already in the witch’s pot and the brew was boiling— her date with Jason looming with possibility. Not to mention, she’d finally be getting to see the newly added exhibits she was longing to see.

Cute baby sea lions, penguins and jellyfish that quickly outweighed all the disastrous scenarios filling her mind.

Skipping down the steps with an eager smile on her lips, y/n struggled to hold in all her happy squeaks because downstairs Jason was waiting for her and-

“There she is!” Her mother greeted her at the base of the stairs, and winked at her daughter with a smile, a cheeky expression displayed upon the fact that what was happening was a surprising event. Her little y/n going out on a date with none other than her favorite out of Andrew’s friends, Jason.

This would have been the moment in the movies where everything freezes and everyone else disappears. The camera comes to a zoom in on Jason and y/n’s faces, the screen split in half but it the same, dreamy, loved-up expression on both their faces. Y/n’s cheeks warmed with a soft flush and a cheek splitting grin on her mouth, lips that shined with the gloss she had put on them, and eyes that shined under the kitchen lights with an extra sparkle that had floated up from her chest that had become the cavern where she shoved all her emotions.

Jason is equally stunned, unsure of how his girlfriend could get any more beautiful. Bunny teeth on full display, hands in the pockets of his blue jeans. He wore a satin bomber jacket with a tiger on the lower right side of his abdomen that was perched on snow-capped mountains that stretched up to his chest, a swooping eagle on his left breast. Two buttons were left unclasped, the collar of a white under-shirt peeking out, and the dip of his breast-bone on display, highlighted by the glint of the golden cross necklace his grandmother had given him when he was eight.

Meanwhile he took in the sight of her, y/n did the same as well, eyes roaming all over his figure and settling on the eyes that were already set on hers. He loved how she turned a pretty bothered color when they locked dreamy gazes. How her demeanor changes to shy glances when he smiles at her all toothy- his dimples prominent on his cheeks. The boy straightened, looking proud to be able to take her on a date.

“Well are you guys gonna stare at each other all day, or go to the aquarium?” Andrew asked. He was standing at the kitchen entrance, a bag of Cheetos in his arm, and one cheek bulging with chips.

“Andrew!” His mother playfully swatted his bicep. “Be nice! You’ll be the same, just wait.”

“Ready to go?” Jason asked, giving a sluggish nod towards the door, his being still transfixed in y/n, who nodded equally as slow even though her heart raced a mile a minute. “Alright, let’s go then. I’ll bring her home before 10, Mrs. Y/L/N.” Y/n walked towards the hand that Jason stretched out for her to grab, her hand swimming in his. It suddenly made sense why he was able to launch a football 400 meters. His hands were big, with a wide palm and nimble fingers that wrapped around hers, the top of it striped with the pleasing ridged of his veins.

“Bye, hunnies! Have fun…. But not too much fun!” The mother clutched at her chest, her eyes soft at the sight of Jason opening the door for her daughter.

“Ew, mom!” Andrew said, crumbling the bag to a close and retreating up the stairs, presumably to his room. He stopped at the base, and turned to say, “And I’ll be here, the brother forgotten by this best friend, woe is me!”

His friend twisted around with a hand on the doorknob, “You know I love you, babe!”

Andrew said something stupid along the lines of ‘show me, ya stud!’ before his mother shushed him up and waved at the couple that it was okay to leave, approaching the doorway to lock up.

Y/n peeked sideways at Jason, finding him already looking at her with a cheeky smirk.

“Caughtcha looking,” He said, taking hold of her hand again and giving it a mall squeeze, leaning over to peck her cheek. “Missed you, y/n.”

She wanted to stop and pull him in by both sides of his face to smash their lips together, but she knew that her mom was probably watching through the window. “Wanna kiss you good so bad, but my mom’s probably watching through the window and I don’t wanna hear about it later.”

“It’s okay, baby, I know. Wanted to ravish you when I saw you coming down the stairs, but that’s not the most appropriate thing to do when my girlfriend’s mom is present, is it?” They reached his car, and he sped up slightly to open the door for her, placing a hand on the small of her back. The grip on her phone increased at the sudden warmth on her body, her mind jumping to dirty assumptions on where this could lead to.

She got in the car with a quiver in her belly, and it jolted away when Jason shut the door behind her. What was she thinking? Their relationship was built upon glances and sly touches, and how she was flustered in a non-sexual way over him? Strongly?

“Did you wanna get food anywhere before?” He said when he opened the door to his side, leg hiking up and to the side to take a seat. “Dunno ‘bout you, but I’m really really craving those chicken-avocado paninis from that one little coffee shop, and I know you really like their milk tea, what do you say?”

“I say that’s a really good idea.” Y/n said, nodding with a pinch on one side of her face, her true feeling hidden. Eyes trained at the way he held the steering wheel; one hand at 12 while he turned the key into the ignition. Maybe he would hold her neck while the other rubbed at her…

What the fuck? She needs to cut it out.

Clearing her throat and looking out the window she said, “I could definitely go for a milk tea right now…”

“Yeah? Are you excited for today?” He twists to check behind him before pulling out of his parallel position to the curb, and y/n uses that moment to glance at the smooth skin of his neck, imagining how it would feel underneath her fingertips… her mouth…

“Yes,” She chokes, saliva collecting at the back of her tongue and slipping through. There’s a small pause where she coughs, and Jason plucks a bottle of water from the glove compartment, the back of his hand grazing her knees and the tops of her thighs, which only makes her cough harder.

“Are you okay, my love? Here,” using the flat of his wrist to take hold on the steering wheel while he opened the bottle, “drink some. I don’t want you to die before you’ve seen the jellyfish.”

A feeble ‘thank you*’ left her lips before the water bottle occupied it. The liquid washed out anything that had agitated her, and she drank extra to fill the time for at least a few more seconds. She was terrified of doing something wrong.

The car was pulling up the parking lot of their local cafe when she placed the bottle in the cup holder between them. Jason didn’t have a clue what was going through her head, or the fact that he should be concerned because her thoughts had traveled to him fingering her while she made a mess of his seat. He was simply so grateful to be spending time with the girl who he loved.

Who he loved.

The boy had realized the extremities of his regards after his mother had spoken them aloud.

You love her don’t you?

Yes, yes he did. He had known that it was there. The guzzling, spritzy feeling he felt over his chest- like when a sip of a freshly opened can of Sprite goes down your throat- when he saw her, felt her touch, thought about her, had always been there. Always. It was there the day he bumped into her outside of the locker room, her tiny frame going unnoticed when he rounded the corner of the locker room where she was waiting for her brother because he was busy texting some girl, but the moment he heard a squeaky ‘oh, I’m so sorry!’, it was there.

In some aspects, Jason was a bit dense, and this was one of them. He didn’t act when he should’ve. Or at least recognized what was going on in that broad chest of his-- he doesn’t think he would’ve acted because Andrew wouldn’t have held back. They hadn’t developed such a strong bond to come to the understanding that they did (Jason had made a really bold statement about life long partners and Andrew had been too blown away to stay mad).

Jason loved y/n, and he always would; that was just facts.

“Wanna stay in here or go inside with me?” He asked her, taking the key out and placing a hand on the door.

She was lightning quick to say “With you!” a bashful look overcoming her when he looked at her all knowingly, like he could see right through her. “I’ll go with you so you don’t have to carry everything,” y/n blubbered in efforts to reclaim her dignity, and stepped out of the car.

He feigned being hurt, “Owie, that stung. Are you saying I’m not strong?” Jason followed after her, a playful pout in his lips, “Tell you what,” he placed an arm around her neck, tugging her close to him and putting his lips by her ear, “I can carry you and the food, at the same time.”

Tables with umbrellas were located at the front of the cafe, people sitting with their computers open or having a chat with friends. Some looked up, some didn’t, but the stares of those who did made y/n feel thousands of times shyer than what she felt.

The girl couldn’t help but squeeze the fabric of her sweater around herself, her thoughts getting the best of her, the feeling of his lips an enticing action that drove her mad…

He knew it too, chuckling to himself as he opened the door.

Inside, only a single person made up the line for ordering, and she was already in the process of giving the man her card to pay. Jason and y/n stood side by side, looking up at the menus as if they were thinking over their choices, but really just thinking about each other.

“Nex- Well, well, well.”

Y/n doesn’t think she had ever forgotten that voice. And hearing it ten, with Jason at her side, brought back the fear she hadn’t even begun to overcome. Her face went white, her lungs freezing, and her feet glued to the ground.

Shock, was the medical term for it.

When your body is submerged into temperatures it can’t handle, it goes through a series of procedures to attempt survival. It begins to slow down to conserve energy, shutting down to keep in heat, or await help. Hearts slow, lungs slow, and in extreme, abrupt situations, a person can faint.

At the appearance of Chris after nearly an entire year, y/n wanted to faint. She wished she had, that way she wouldn’t have to endure Jason’s confused glances, and Chris’s malicious, salacious smirk.

“Y/n, long time no see, baby.” He said, a piece of gum that he had hidden in his cheek appearing as he started to chew, leaning forward on the counter and giving Jason a once over. “Who’s that?”

Jason’s eyebrows furrowed at the audacity this guy had, calling his girl ‘baby’. Y/n wasn’t looking at him, she couldn’t- she wasn’t aware of what was happening anymore, retreated into deep parts of her brain- but had she, she would’ve seen a bone-chilling, intimidating look of dominance in his usually kind green eyes. “I’m her boyfriend, who are you?” He said, stepping forward so his thighs were flush with the edge of the counter. His body was pulled tight like the strings on a violin, one pluck away from releasing a disastrous melody.

Y/n’s eyes began to tear from not blinking them, her heart going from beating normal to beating so hard she could feel it in her fingertips, her stomach dropping like it had been ripped to her feet.

“Who am I?” Chris licked the inside of his cheek, and y/n gagged. Repulsed, her feet tripped over themselves in attempts to get to the trashcan by the pickup site. “There wasn't even anything in your mouth, babe! Guess that thing they say about muscle memory is true, huh?”

Jason didn’t pay attention to the last thing that he said because he ran over to hold his girlfriend’s hair, rubbing her back and whispering that ‘it’s okay, my love, take deep breaths’. Her body started to tremble when nothing came out, her eyes emitting actual tears now, feeling undeserving of Jason’s affection because of what she’d done.

“I’m so-rry,” she whispered, her face a splotchy, red color that made him panic on the inside at what could plague her. “Can we go?”

“Yeah,” He nodded quickly, no questions asked.”Yeah, let’s go.”

Y/n shot up then, practically running out of the store while Chris laughed a belly-clenching laugh that pushed her out further. Jason looked back at him once, anger on clear display because whatever the guy had done, it was bad if it made her this upset.

When he turned around, y/n’s figure was disappearing through the view of the store’s window, arms clutching herself as she ran to the parking lot. There were more stares than when they first arrived when he ran out after her with a call of her name.

“Y/n!” He turned the corner to see her yanking violently at his door handle, tears streaming continuously down her cheeks now. Her shoulder jerked back and pushed forward until her knuckles collided on the material of the car. She was hurting herself. “Hey!” He yelled, yanking her back and wrapping his arms around her torso to restrict her movements.

She thrashed for a few seconds, sobs leaving her until she went limp, which was when he let her go. His eyes were wide with concern, not being able to believe what had just happened.

“Dovie? Look at me, dovie,” With a curled finger, he gently encouraged her to look at him. Irritated, doe eyes blinked with... fear.

“Do you want me?” Were the words that left her mouth in a breathy tremble.

“I always want you,” Jason said, not hesitating to respond to her abrupt inquiry. His thick brown eyebrows were still knitted, however, and she knew that she owed him answers. As much as she couldn’t bring herself to give them up, y/n said,

“Would you want me even if I was used?” She shut her eyes tight, not being able to bear looking at him. It felt as if she were the one using him then, comforted by his presence, but lying to him as well.

He scoffed, head shaking. “Yes. Even then I’d still love you.” Jason’s composure remains the same,neither alarmed or shocked that he had let it ‘slip’ past his lips because he hadn’t. He loved her and he told her.

Y/n, on the other hand, burst into tears and dropped her head, her forehead on his chest, chanting a pathetic, “I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve you.”

“Y/n, I need you to tell me what just happened,” He crooned into her ear, his lips kissing her head in attempts to show his affection to comfort her, “Let me help you.”

She shook her head, and the gold zipper of his sweater scratched her forehead when she did. “No. No, I’m sorry.” She looked up at him, her voice pleading, “I don’t want to ruin our date. Can I tell you after?” Jason looked at her with lips pressed into a firm line. “Please.” She begged.

“Not gonna ruin our date, dovie,” He kissed her right cheek, and her eyelid, the bridge of her nose, and nudged his forehead against hers, “Spent so much time waiting for you, that I’m not gonna let a silly thing break us apart. I’m willing to fight, y/n. I already have.” He fumbled behind her, unlocking the door and propping it open before he pressed a kiss to her lips. A deep press that conveyed everything he just said. I love you.

A shaky, relieved breath left her when they parted, her eyes still shut when he said, “Get in the car, my love,” with another, plushy kiss to her lips before he stepped back to see her get in the car. Her eyes opened slowly to see him smiling at her, no trace of anything strange in his eyes- like he had forgotten everything that happened in the past 10 minutes.

Y/n mumbled an ‘okay’ and got inside, putting on his seat belt as he closed the door and walked over to his side. She wondered if this was it, if this was her messing up and at the end of the day she would be crying into her pillow because he’d broken up with her. If e was just playing nice because that was just Jason, his MO.

Lost in her own thoughts, she didn’t notice that he had turned on the radio until he started singing along to it. An oldies station that he always had on if there wasn’t any music coming from his phone. It was in the middle of Prince’s Nothing Compares 2 U to which Jason didn’t hesitate to start singing.

“I went to the doctor’s and guess what he told me, guess what he told me,” he looked over at her while he was singing, a playful look in his eyes, and he shimmied his shoulders. It was a classic ‘sing to your girlfriend so she’ll never forget this song and always associate this song with you’ moment.

“He said girl you better try to have fun no matter what you do,” his singing voice was a direct reflection on his character, smooth like honey, but deep and slightly scratchy like the comfort of burning wood, “but he’s a fool.”

Just then, his voice gets a little louder, “Cause nothing compares to you.” He placed a hand on her knee, his lips forming an exaggerated ‘o’ shape on the ‘you’. Jason was clearly singing to her, his eyes flickering from the road to her as a sweet gesture to direct his words to her.

Y/n sniffled and laughed, using her finger to trace the veins on the back of Jason’s hands, looking up at him while he sang to her. She had the sudden urge to reiterate what he had confessed in the parking lot. How it swelled in her chest, and consumed her.

But she couldn’t. It was hard and she didn’t know why. Maybe it was because he didn’t know the whole truth about her. Instead she wrote it on his hand. Her caresses going from random to spelling out letters on his knuckles. He noticed this. How the movements were calculated now, and the singing stopped. Green eyes went from the road to her eyes, to the road to their hands.

I love you, too.

She wiped her hand over his when she finished, and didn’t dare look up at him, so she looked out the window but left her hand in his hold. He brought it up to his lips, and kissed her knuckles, rubbing his lips over them repeatedly.

* * *

Jason stepped out of the car, and took long, quick strides over to her door, y/n admiring how long and muscular his legs looked in his jeans. He pulled the door open, leaning back so the door could swing past his torso, but staying relatively close to the car, giving her just enough space to get out. Y/n didn’t think anything of it, until she stood, and was face to face with his face, her nose swamped with the toned down scent of fresh, spring scented body wash merged with the soft smell of his skin.

Given how close she was, she could see the lines on his cupid's bow where his skin color changed from a golden tint to the strawberry of his lips.

“Can you kiss me properly now, baby?” He said, voice low and raspy. Hands came to flatten on the hood of his Prius, caging her in so she was close to his torso. A blush formed from the way he stared at her mouth like he was starved.

“P-properly?” She muttered, her hands taking purchase on his hips, and smoothing up his sides, the material cool under her hands.

“Yeah,” He licked the inside of his cheek, his head tilting, “Like this.”

Jason pushed forward until her back hit the car, and their hips were flush, y/n’s hands stuck between them, but she maneuvered them to she could palm at his chest, her nails digging in like cat’s claws when his lips found their way together, pillowed between each other in a passionate embrace that warmed her to her toes.

“Mmph, baby ‘ya marking me with your fingers,” He spoke in a sotto voice, heavy breaths and wet noises of their smacking lips resonating through their ears.

It took everything in her not to moan, and she knew that if they kept going it would be inevitable, so she unclenched her hands with a reluctant squeak, and ducked her head into his neck. Breath hot on his neck, “I’m sorry.”

“No, no, no, no. I… uhm, I liked it, my love. You didn’t do anything wrong, don’t be shy.” He flexed his jaw, his eyes rolling at the back of his head at recalling the feeling of her hands- dainty and small, and sweet,, and god* it was just her*- clawing at his chest. Jason dipped forward, and kissed her neck. His lips staining her skin with scorching heat, the soft skin creating a magnetic force between them.

She moaned at that, her teeth scratching at his neck tentatively. “Stop it,” Her head felt floaty, her limbs soft, “Wanna see the fishies and the way that you’re…” “The way that I’m what, dovie?” He’s stunned by her moan, his brain haywire. “Tell me.”

“The way you’re talking is gonna me make me wanna stay here, and I really wanna see the fishies. Please?” She’s whining; voice an embarrassingly high pitched tone. Her hands gripped the collar of his sweater for stability because her knees were shaking.

“Alright. Alright, let’s go see the fishies, baby.” Jason pecks her one last time at the juncture of her neck, and takes a step back to grab her hand. “Come on.”

* * *

“So, they’ve got McDonald’s, Tam’s Burgers, Ruby’s Diner, and Sushi.” Jason holds a tri-fold directory of the aquarium in one hand, and y/n’s hand in the other.

“Sushi? At an aquarium?” She skews half her face to the side like she tasted something sour.

“I know right?” He copies her face, “The irony. Up for burgers? It’s all they’ve got.”

Y/n’s stomach grumbled at the mention of food, and she giggled when Jason noticed and laughed at her. “Burgers sound good,” she said, rubbing her stomach comically. Although she was still heated by their earlier interaction, both were pretending like nothing happened, and like they didn’t have a big thing waiting for them at the end of the day.

Like she wasn’t going to reveal how sh-

“Anything for you, baby.” Jason Jason held up the tri-fold again and blew out of his lips as he made out the route to Tam’s burgers.

When they both got there, they ordered the same thing: one cheeseburger with a vanilla milkshake. Oh, and they were sharing chili cheese fries.

It was the epitome of a perfect date for a young couple in love. They chose to sit on the same side of the booth because they were greedy to get everything they could from each other. Unnecessary touches were made more than the amount of things they said to each other. Him brushing hair behind her each, hand on her thigh, rubbing her cheeks, feeding her, wiping her mouth, her arm hooked through his, pecking his cheek after a sip of her milkshake, nudging his feet with hers, caressing his thigh. It was on the rubbing his thigh part where things would get slightly heated, and Jason would stop to kiss her, licking into her mouth to taste the vanilla that was also on his tongue.

Jason paid for their meal, much to y/n’s begging, and then walked her over to the penguin exhibit.

“Heard one of their eggs just hatched, and I want you to see it.” He said, swinging their hands between them.

“Really?” She asked, her features lifted with excitement. “Well then let’s go!” Y/n ran ahead of him, looking back at him and pulling at his arm. Laughing, they swerved around people and ran past the large tank that represented the reef ecosystem, blue light from the sun that streamed through the top of the tank dancing on their skin like shadows. It was a magical moment, even though they looked like weirdos. In their head they were in their own movie, their own world.

“Jason, honey? Is that you?” A woman in green cargo shorts and the customary blue shirts with the aquarium’s logo on the left breast called from the inside of the penguin expedition. She had raven black hair in a low bun, and red lipstick paired with a bright smile. She was feeding the animals from two buckets on the edge of the pool where they were jumping in.

“Hey, Janet!” Jason called out, waving from behind the glass barrier. “Long time no see, have you gotten younger?”

She laughed and turned around, walking through an archway and disappearing from view. A male walked out, and smiled towards the couple, nodding once and turned his attention towards the penguins. He whistled once, and they all came to him, huddling around him expectantly.

Then he bent downwards and placed the back of his hand on the penguins tummy, pressing back and they waddled backwards. He did the same to four others, pressing them so they were in a straight line, and they stayed where he placed them. Janet came out then, with black objects in her arms.

“What are they….” Y/n asked, confused as to what was going on because she had been to this aquarium several times and had never seen such things. “... doing?”

Janet removed one of the items from her chest, and y/n could see that they were large letters. A ‘P’ which she placed at the feet of the first penguin. ‘R’ on the one following. They rested against their bellies, and after an initial peck at it, they left it alone and watched their keepers expectantly, presumably for food. ‘O’ followed, then ‘M’. And as the question mark was being laid on the last penguin, Jason turned to watch his girlfriend’s face, waiting for the realization to hit. It didn’t take very long.

“Oh my gosh, Jason, look! Look it spells prom!” She pointed at it excitedly, a smile from ear to ear as she looked on at the animals, amused by their antics. She looked over at him to share her glee, and found him watching her with a dreamy smirk. “Look at the animals! Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Will you go to prom with me?”

Y/n’s jaw dropped, the full realization hitting her. This had been planned, more specifically, Jason had planned this. “You did this?” She asked. Looking back and then at him again as he nodded slowly, still waiting for an answer. She stood there for a moment, stunned, and after a blink she jumped into his arms. “Yes! Yes! Yes, I want to go to prom with you!”

He didn’t waste any time in wrapping his hands around her waist and twirling her around, laughing. Kissing her cheek, he set her to her feet and she was watching him with bleary eyes, a pout on her lips. “You did this for me?”

“Technically, my mom did, but yes. Had her call in for me. Did you like it?” He put his hands in the pocket of his bomber jacket, his lips puckered as he tried to conceal a proud smile.

“I love it, so much, Jason I-” She’s left speechless, and she glances up at the animals again, where Janet and the other keep were throwing fish at them. “Thank you.” The tips of her fingers came to cover her mouth, tears of joy threatening to slip.

“Don’t cry, dovie. You weren’t supposed to cry,” he cooed, slipping his hands out again to wipe at the tears that fell down her cheeks.

“Shut up and kiss me,” Leaning up on her tip-toes, y/n abruptly yanked at his jacket, and crushed their lips together.

“There we go! Your mother would love this!” Janet whooped, and her cheers caused the couple to split from each other with red faces, laughs covering their embarrassment.

“Hush up, and let me kiss my girl will ya?” Jason pointed a finger at her and pretended to scowl. “We’re leaving to somewhere where we can smooch in peace!” Nearby people laughed at his jokes.

“Bye, sweetie! Tell your mother I said hello!” She waved goodbye, and returned her attention to the penguins at her feet.

Y/n waved a goodbye along with Jason, yelling a ‘thank you’ as she walked away. Her brain was still trying to process what had happened when they turned the corner and walked into the new exhibit of the darker layers of the ocean. A long, winding hallway where the only light was the glow coming from the bio-luminescence animals in the water.

An influx of serotonin swimming through her veins, squeals leaving her where she noticed where they were.

“The jellyfish!” She left Jason’s side to stand in front of the large glass. An abundant amount of jellyfish bobbed up and around each other at slow, hypnotizing speeds. Glowing, long tentacles swaying in their trail; networks of veiny light streams present in each of them. The blue hue reflecting off of her skin, and onto the pane where it showed her amazed reflection.

“They’re beautiful,” she mumbled. Jason caught up, and stood besides her, his figure also appearing on the glass pane that held the jellyfish. “I could watch them all day.”

His eyes drifted from the jellyfish to her side profile, admiring how ethereal she looked in that moment. Her face was soft with curiosity and wonder. “Me too.”

“You’re not even looking at them.” She gives him a side-eye glance.

“I know.” He turned so his feet pointed to her, and combed his hair back because a few curls were tickling his forehead. “Can’t believe I’m gonna have the prettiest girl as my prom date.”

Y/n’s nostrils flared and she sucked in her lips to suppress a smile. “Stop it.”

“S’true. Everyone’s gonna be so jealous of me.” He sucked in a breath, “Gonna have to hold on to you so no one steals you from me.”

She knows he means every word that leaves his lips. And that the words are meant to tickle her heart with their honesty. While they do so, they also break it. Y/n thinks she’s living a lie. Not her relationship with him, but the way she acts and portrays herself. So much of herself, she kept hidden. It hurt knowing that he was being so genuine, and she wasn’t. It hurt more than knowing he could break up with her if he knew the truth.

So, she decided to come clean. Even though they decided on the end of the day, her conscience wasn’t letting her live.

“Jason, I have something to tell you.” She said, her throat closing up on the second syllable of his name, and crying by the end of her sentence.

The boy brings his palm to her lower back, and moves his thumb up and down comfortingly. “Deep breaths, y/n. I’m listening.”

“That boy?” She tilts her chin so she’s looking at him, and he nods when they make eye contact. “From the cafe? I knew him from a party.” Deep breath. “We were playing truth or-” a sob leaves her, shoulders sagging as her composure breaks.

Jason raises his hand from her back to her shoulder, and steps closer so she’s pressed against his chest. “It’s okay. I’m right here, baby. I’m not leaving you. Take your time.”

It would’ve been a lot more embarrassing if people were passing, but they were the only ones there. Had there been someone, they would’ve seen a terribly emotional y/n and a very concerned Jason.

A creeping feel of panic like the one from that night teased her toes, anxiety of her confession crawling up her spine. But she had to push through. She needed to get this off her chest.

“We were playing truth or dare, and… and I got dared t-to suck him off in front of everyone else,” another hiccup interrupts her words, and she had to stop to take a deep breath like Jason said, giving him an ashamed, fleeting glance. Not long enough to see that his eyes were wide with astonishment, eyebrows furrowed with bubbling rage.

“What?” He said, more on the rhetorical side to encourage her to keep talking. His mind kept jumping back to the guy at the cafe and the way he said ‘there wasn’t anything in your mouth, babe’ with a knowing look in his eyes. How he practically violated her with his eyes. Rage filled him; all he wanted to do was punch the guy in the face.

Anger made itself present in his stunned comment, and y/n took it as a disgusted comment. She jumped to explain herself, “I didn’t want to do it! I swear I didn’t put they started calling me names, a-and I didn’t want them to be upset with me so I-” another collapse of her words, chest rising and falling with desperate breaths. The panis increased, rising up to her chest and gripping like a boa.

Jason knew that she needed reassurance on that moment and said, “Sh, sh Dovie, deep breaths. It’s alright, I know you didn’t, my dove. That’s called peer pressure.”

It was clear that this was something she struggled with for a long time, and it hurt him so much inside that he had so blindly lived in the presence of her pain. Held her, touched her, and never noticed that she was so deeply in pain. The anger in him became a mix of bitter remorse at the fact that he had done nothing to push at her, or present himself in a way that showed she could trust him. He was unaware he was crying too until his own vision became blurry with moisture.

“I left right after he… after he…. Because the other boys started touching me, too. That was when you found me under that tree. Remember?” Shiny doe eyes glimmered with the light that came off the jellyfish at him. They seemed to beg him for forgiveness, for understanding that she was sorry.

“Yes, sweetheart I remember.” Soft fingers crawl up her cheek, caressing like silk at the tears that still fell. Kisses were littered in her temple with strong pressure, a display of his comfort. “Oh, I’m so sorry that you had to go through that, baby. It’s not your fault.”

“I should have said no. I should’ve l-left or something…”

“No. No, y/n this wasn’t your fault. This wasn’t on you. You were under pressure, and they were bullying you as well… Oh my god, baby, this- You don’t want to tell authorities?”

“No! No, no, Jason I can’t l-let anyone find out I did…” Her eyes shut with distaste, “That. Please, don’t tell anyone.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” He nods.

“Do you still want me?” Her cross, and her nails dig into her arms. Y/n bowed her head and sniffled. Jason took note of this, and pried her hands off so she wouldn’t bleed. His heart clenched at the tone of desperation in her voice. It hurt him to even think that he’d leave her so easily, and his words came out more emotionally tainted than he would’ve wanted.

“Y/n look at me.” His hand cupped her cheek, and the other held both of her wrists. She wrapped her hands around his wrists and squeezed him tightly. “I’m not leaving you. Can’t you understand that I love you, baby? I’m not leaving you, not now.”

“God, Jason. I don’t deserve you.” Y/n leans into his touch, sniffling.

“No, dovie. You’ve got that all twisted. It’s me who doesn’t deserve you. You’re so good to me, so kind, and sweet,and I’m so so sorry thing happened to you. But it’s gonna be okay, yeah? We can work through this, I’ll be there by our side. I won’t leave.” The boy followed after her eyes, wanting to maintain eye contact with her, but she was shifty with her gaze. He wanted to be able for her to see-- in his eyes-- that he meant every word.

“I love you.” Y/n jumped into his chest and wrapped her hands around his neck, happy to be free of guilt, and blissfully happy that she had Jason. That he loved her, and she was able to tell him that she loved him.

After a moment of just standing in each other’s arms, head’s buried in each other’s neck with Jason muttering into her ear just how much she meant to him, they stepped back to look at the other, and y/n laughed halfheartedly, wiping at her eyes and underneath her nose. Quiet ‘thank you’s were exchanged and they took one last good look at the jellyfish in silence. Y/n suggested they go home, and Jason said he wanted to stop by the gift shop first. Something about how how he needed a polar bear to hold onto at night.

In reality, he bought her the sea otter she wouldn’t stop petting, and a key chain with the date engraved on it. He didn’t give these to her until they were in front of her house, and he reached into the bag behind her seat.

“These are for you.” He said, placing the stuffy on her lap, and the key chain on her open palm. “A memoir. The first time we said I love you... among other things.”

His tone was serious, mouth set in a grim line, but y/n was smiling.

“I knew something was up when you told me to wait outside. Thank you.” Leaning over the console, they both met each other halfway, and kissed each other goodbye. At the first taste of her lips, he removed his hands from the steering wheel in favor of having them on her face, holding her too him a few seconds longer than she usually would have let herself stay kissing.

“You’re welcome, dovie. I love you.” He said, pecking her lips once more, and then her nose, making her laugh through her nose. “I’ll see you tomorrow, but I’ll call you tonight. Yeah?”

“Yeah. I love you, too.” She opened the door, and waved once more at her boyfriend who smiled at her from inside the car.

Y/n was slightly upset over he fact that he hadn’t gotten out to walk her up the steps, and in any other situation, he would’ve. But out of his eagerness, Jason waited until she was inside, and lifted his hips to get his phone out of his pocket, calling the one person he knew would have his back if he wanted to set things straight.

It rang three times before he picked up.

“Andrew. It’s an emergency. Come over to my house tonight. Don’t let anyone see you leave.”

#IM SUCH A SOFTIE FOR JASON IM SORRY #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles one shot #harry styles smut #harry styles blurbs #harry styles fluff #harry styles fluff oneshot #fratboy harry styles

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joonbird · 7 years

Text

Heartbeat | 5

➭ “You’ve always stayed far away from the Kingsnakes, the coldblooded gang that runs the dark heart of your city. That is until your life collides with the intriguing and dangerous Jung Hoseok.”

pairing: hoseok x reader

genre: gang!au, angst, smut

wordcount: 10k

** warnings: ANGST, degrading names during sex, dom!Hoseok, violence, graphic descriptions of injuries, dark themes, mentions of drugs, hospital scene

You woke up with a gasp, your face dotted in sweat.

Your pulse was racing, your heart a dull drumbeat in your ears. You let out a breath, it came out as more of a rattled hiss, staring into the darkness of your bedroom.

As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, your fingers relaxed from where they were clenched around your cotton bedsheets.

Your breathing slowed, as you squeezed your eyes shut, shaking your head once, then twice.

You swung your body around, the bottoms of your feet skimming the floor. A nightmare. How long had it been since you’d had a genuine, full-fledged nightmare? Years, at least.

You let out a soft groan, trying to calm your still trembling muscles. Your mind was now recalling the sharper, more jagged pieces of your dream.

Your dream hadn’t made sense, but it still felt so alarmingly real- flashes of different people in your mind while you slept. People you cared about, people who had hurt you, people who scared you, people you loved.

Hoseok’s face had darted in and out of all the above categories.

You grabbed your phone, the artificial light illuminating the darkness. No new notifications, nothing from Hoseok. At this point, you weren’t surprised. You pressed the lock button on your phone, the room elapsing back into inky darkness.

It had been two days since Hoseok had left your apartment with the Kingsnakes. You had called him, once, then twice, then five times, only to be met with deafening silence. Each dull beep of his disconnected phone line cemented in your head that he didn’t want to talk to you. And why would he?

You had no way of contacting him other than calls and messages - you didn’t even know where he lived. So that had left you a mess of emotions all weekend, hopeful that he would answer one of your calls and say something, anything.

You picked up your phone again. How were you supposed to put everything that you were feeling and thinking into a message? It was late into the night, the kind of late where everything was eerily still. You tucked your knees into your chest and typed out a text.

Y/N: I care about you Hoseok. I’m not going to give up.

You pressed send, placing your phone screen side up on your bedside table so you could see if a new notification came in. You curled into bed with a sigh.

But sleep didn’t come, and your room stayed dark until morning light.

You were feeling the full wrath of your sleepless night as you arrived at the office. Your head was pounding with the dry headache that was indicative of sleep deprivation, your body sluggish.

One of your coworkers shot you a sympathetic smile, quipping, “Mondays huh?” You managed a wan smile in response, thinking silently that it wasn’t really the Monday bothering you. Rather, it was the silence from the gang member you were fucking and possibly in love with.

You couldn’t exactly say that to your coworker though, so instead, you just smiled thinly and agreed. “Yep. Mondays.”

You settled into your desk, glancing at Abel’s empty office. You had sent him an email over the weekend explaining that you needed to speak to him privately, and he had agreed. Now, you were just waiting for him to arrive at work.

You pulled out your laptop and opened the article you had sent to him. You scanned over the words you had written, letting out a sigh. It was a good piece, one of your best- punchy and passionate. Nothing like the flimsy, half-hearted articles about community affairs and celebrity gossip that you had been writing all year.

Your mind wandered back to Z’s words on Friday night, the thinly veiled threat, his mention of ‘sources’. You glanced around the office uncertainly. How did Z know that the article was even in the works, that it had been sent over to Abel?

You felt a shiver travel up your spine at the thought that the information had been leaked to him. That somehow he had a connection to this side of your life, a side of you that wasn’t his to access. You had no idea how, but he knew. The thought made you feel exposed, and you shuddered, making a silent note to yourself not to trust anyone for the time being.

Maybe even Hoseok, you thought.

Your phone vibrated in your pocket and you reacted in seconds, hastening to open your messages.

Taehyung: Hey. We haven’t talked in what feels like forever… wanna grab a coffee after work?

Your chest deflated a fraction when you realized it wasn’t who you had hoped. Still, you were happy to hear from Tae, seeing as the last time you’d been with Taehyung it hadn’t exactly gone smoothly. You cringed, remembering the look of shock on his face when he had pieced together the information that you were sleeping with Hoseok.

Y/N: Hey Tae, sounds good. I’ll meet you around 5?

You pressed send, leaning back on your office chair when you heard a familiar voice. Abel had finally arrived, a huge cup of coffee in his hand. You stood up, watching as he let himself into his office, greeting a few people along the way. You made a beeline to his office door, your phone vibrating in your pocket. You glanced down at it quickly.

Taehyung: Great ☺ ☺ I’ll meet you outside your office building at 5pm.

You sighed and fired back a quick smiley face emoji and an OK before you knocked on your boss’s door.

“Come in.”

You let yourself in, closing the door carefully behind you. As soon as it clicked shut, you turned to face Abel.

“I need you to drop the Kingsnake article.”

The older man raised an eyebrow, throwing his hands up in the air with a laugh.

“Whoa, hello to you too, Y/N.” He shook his head and laughed again, grabbing his coffee and taking a long sip. You frowned, irritated by his blasé attitude.

“I mean it,” You repeated, folding your arms and watching as Abel rummaged around in his briefcase, pulling out his laptop. He didn’t look at all fazed by your words and you narrowed your eyes.

“Abel. I’m not joking. Pull the article. I don’t give consent for the piece to run.”

Abel finally paused, looking up to study you. He looked thoughtful for a moment before he sighed.

“Okay,” He stated tiredly. “What is this all about?”

You struggled to keep your face neutral. “I just… don’t feel comfortable with the piece running.”

Abel was still staring at you closely, before he frowned, shaking his head.

“It’s a good piece, Y/N.” He said in a low, serious voice. “It’s an important piece.”

You met his gaze and shrugged brusquely, your lips pressed together in a firm, determined line.

“I want it pulled.”

Abel frowned.

“Why are you so adamant on getting it pulled?” He asked, tension clear in his voice. “Is it to do with how you got the intel?” He added, almost as an afterthought. He opened his laptop and clicked. “’Each city has an underbelly, a dark current that runs underneath its foundation. And the Kingsnakes are at the heart of this city.’ It’s good.” He read aloud, and you bit your lip.

“If it’s an issue of safety, we’ll protect you. We can even post it anonymously.” He said gently.

You shake your head, knowing full well that this isn’t even an issue of safety, that anonymously posting the article is pointless. This is about Hoseok, this is to make up for the look of betrayal that had flashed across his face.

You remained silent, stubborn, and Abel sighed.

“Okay,” He muttered, he stood up and rummaged in the cabinets behind him, the sound of shuffling papers filling his small office. He turned, handing a file to you.

You picked it up, swallowing. It a faded yellow file, papers stuffed inside haphazardly, and you hesitated.

“What is this?” You asked quietly, and Abel didn’t respond, walking over to his window and yanking the windowpane up. You watched as he placed a cigarette between his lips and lit it.

“Read it.”

Silently, you opened the folder and found yourself flinching at the very first thing that greeted your eyes.

It was a photo of Hoseok. A mugshot. Your eyes lingered on his face, his stubborn eyes, the defiant twist of his lips. You read what was listed under the photo, he had been arrested for petty crime, possession of drugs. The quantity of which was not enough to warrant a harsher punishment, but enough to put something permanent on his file.

You glanced up to see if Abel had noticed your reaction, but he was staring out of the window, a pensive look on his face as he smoked. You returned your attention to the papers in front of you, flicking through them.

They weren’t too interesting- a few more mugshots of faces you recognized from the party, a few police reports of petty thefts, robberies and drug busts. Even some receipts from liquor stores and grainy convenience store surveillance shots. Your fingers trembled when you got to the crime scene report from the convenience store owner who had been bashed to death. You wondered exactly what the file was, as you reached the last few slots of paper tucked inside.

A missing person’s report. You starred at the photo attached to the report, a young woman in her twenties, around your age. A beam pasted on her face, the photo cropped from what was likely a group photo with friends. You scanned the details of the report- her name was Cara, and she had been travelling in your city for vacation when she disappeared.

You swallowed, turning to the next page. Another missing person’s report. A young man this time, he was youthful, cute, you mused. Kim Namjoon. Visiting family when he had failed to return home after a night out. There were more missing persons reports, and you swallowed.

“What is this?”

Abel sighed heavily. “My attempt at investigating the Kingsnakes,” He said wryly, shaking his head. “They’ve been a part of this city since I was kid,” He murmured. “But things have changed in the last few years.” He faced you, his wrist still resting on the windowpane, the cigarette dangling out of the window.

“What have these missing people got to do with the Kingsnakes?” You asked in a short voice, tossing the file back on his desk.

Abel frowned, sighing. “I don’t know exactly. They’re most likely dead. All I know is that surveillance footage has them and some of the Kingsnakes in the same vicinity before they disappear. And my sources say that the Kingsnakes have been dabbling in the darker stuff. Organ trafficking. Human trafficking. Drug trafficking. No evidence though. All I have is one puzzle piece and no clear picture.”

Your breath hissed in uncomfortably as you stared at the file sitting in front of you, wondering what exactly the bigger picture was.

“It’s not enough,” You could hear the frustration in Abel’s voice. “But your article Y/N? It’s good.” He turned to face out of the window. “It might be the first step to what we need. It might be a starting point for people to come forward. To assist us. For the police to stop throwing this shit under the rug and care, for once.”

You frowned at your boss. “Do you really think they would do that?”

Abel just shrugged. “I can only hope so. It’s the right thing to do.” He said his words with a wry, sarcastic note.

You can feel it in your bones, that Abel is right. This is the right thing to do. You can remember being younger and seeing the Kingsnakes in your neighborhood- everyone knows them, their leather jackets and black inked tattoos has always been their signature. But in the last few years they just seemed to be growing, their presence a shadow in the city, menacing and lingering. And after being at the Kingsnake party, the drugs on the table, seeing Z talk so emotionlessly about ending another man’s life… you wondered what else the gang had done.

“Investigative journalism is dying,” Abel continued in a tired voice. “You know, when I was a rookie like you, we were out there in the field trying to uncover secrets, write the hardest, fastest, best articles. Back then, it was all about seeking justice, pen mightier than the fucking sword, blah blah blah. These days? It’s all clickbait and real shit like this goes uncovered.” He lets out an exasperated hiss.

“These guys aren’t good news.” He says finally, glancing at you.

His face is slightly reddened in anger, and it feels like you’re seeing him properly for the first time, taking in the creases on his face and the look on his eyes – like he’s only moments away from losing hope altogether.

“This is personal to you,” You murmured, and Abel shrugged.

“Let’s put it this way,” He said finally, in a clipped voice. “I have my reasons.”

You didn’t pry further, although you were wondering in the back of your mind what exactly those reasons were.

“How long have you been…” your voice trailed off and Abel sighed, filling in the blanks of your unfinished question.

“Too long.”

You swallowed. You looked down at the file on the desk, and the message you had sent to Hoseok. Telling him that you cared for him. That you wouldn’t give up. And you had been honest, you weren’t going to give up on him.

There was something pulling you into Hoseok, every single time. That something in you, gut instinct perhaps, that told you that you weren’t wrong about him.

Your father had always told you to trust your gut instinct. Trust in yourself, was his mantra. No one knows you better than you.

You lifted your head and met Abel’s gaze, feeling your heart sink a little from the hope that was in his eyes.

“Abel,” you said in a soft voice. “Pull the article.”

He stared at you for a long moment and then he nodded.

“…Okay,” He shrugged. “I’ll pull the damn article.” He turned and took a furious, long drag from his cigarette. With a disappointed expression on his face, plumes of smoke surrounding him, it reminded you painfully of Hoseok.

You felt a sharp pain in your chest. What exactly were you doing? You had been fighting to grow in your career as a journalist for years, and now you were throwing something potentially groundbreaking away.

Your mind darted back to Z, and you wondered if Z knew about this, about this yellow folder with the bare threads tying the Kingsnakes to various crimes.

Threads that weren’t strong enough yet, but you knew all things had the potential to grow. Even this.

“Abel,” You said softly. “Be careful, okay?”

He didn’t look at you, instead, he just nodded. His eyes were still focused outside on the city.

You opened and closed your mouth a few times, unsure of what to say. So instead, you turned and left his office, closing the door behind you.

You could still see Abel’s weary face in your mind as you left work at 5pm. You were relieved to be done, having spent the majority of your work day answering emails and ignoring the stirring of guilt in your stomach.

As you left your office, you spotted a familiar figure waiting.

“Hey stranger,” Taehyung grinned. He leaned down and gave you a warm hug, you hugged him back.

“Sorry I’ve been so busy,” he said with a slightly awkward smile, and you nodded.

“I’ve been busy too,” You replied. You both knew that it wasn’t an issue of busy schedules that had let to your lack of communication. Regardless, you were relieved to see that things were fairly normal between you and Tae.

You settled into step with him as you began to walk to your usual coffee place.

“I saw Dad the other day, he asked about you,” You began, and Taehyung grinned.

“Man, I haven’t seen your Dad in forever,” He commented. “How is he?”

“He’s good. Same old, you know how he is. Stubborn as hell.”

Taehyung just gave you a wry smile. “It may run in the family.”

“Hey,” You laughed, giving him a light smack on the arm. Taehyung made a noise of mock complaint, before both of your laughter died down into silence. Taehyung was thinking about something, his eyebrows creasing in a way that they only did when he was deep in thought.

“Y/N,” Taehyung started. “About the other day. With that guy. I know it’s none of my business.” He began hesitantly, and you frowned, biting the inside of your cheek. “…But I just… are you sure you’re making the right decision?”

This was a conversation you didn’t really want to have, not now. Not when you had no idea where Hoseok was or if he even cared about you. Still, you stalled for a moment, before shrugging.

“Yeah,” You said finally. “I think I am.”

Taehyung absorbed this, nodding slowly. “What do you see in him?” He asked abruptly, and you blinked, surprised by the slight edge in Taehyung’s voice.

“I…” Your voice faltered a little as you tried to put your finger on what exactly it was that drew you to Hoseok. You toyed with different words in your mind, sparks, chemistry, fire, but nothing seemed to fit.

What you shared with Hoseok was different. Hot, intense, unpredictable, and it filled you with something that you had never felt before.

“I can’t explain it,” You said finally, honestly. “But trust me,” You added, seeing the look on Taehyung’s face. “It feels right.”

Taehyung stopped walking altogether.

“What the hell are you doing?” Taehyung’s voice rose slightly. “Y/N… he’s… he’s a gang member. And all you can say is that you can’t explain it? That it feels right?”

He was hurt, you could see it all over his face, but still, you frowned at him, crossing your arms in indignation.

“You don’t know him.” You retorted, your eyes flashing. “God, Tae. You don’t know what’s best for me. I don’t need you looking out for me, I can take care of myself.” The words were biting, cold, and the moment they came out, you regretted them.

“Tae,” You mumbled. “That came out wrong, I’m sorry.”

Taehyung just sighed, his face softening. “Hey,” He murmured, pulling you into a hug. “I’m sorry. I didn’t… I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry. I just…”

His voice broke off in hesitation and you could see it in his eyes. That same expression that seemed to be written all over his face whenever he was around you lately.

The same look that was written all over yours whenever Hoseok was involved.

A hopeless kind of hope.

You nodded, fighting the prick in your eyes. “I know.” You stayed like that for a moment longer, before you eased yourself out of Taehyung’s embrace. He just stared at you for a long moment.

“Y/N,” He murmured. “I just… I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I won’t,” You whispered and he stared at you for a long moment before he broke off into a rough laugh, shaking his head.

“I’d be lying,” He said in a low, quiet voice. “If I said I also didn’t want you to be with him for my own selfish reasons.” He glanced up to meet your eyes and you hesitated. Taehyung’s eyes flickered and he nodded, forcing a smile on his face.

“Anyway. Enough of that serious talk.” He changed the topic, regaling you with a story about the latest artist he had signed at the gallery. He was trying hard- peppering his story with chirpy anecdotes and you responded in relief, happy to slip back into a comfortable space with Tae.

The two of you reached your usual coffee shop, Taehyung still chatting away, when you felt your heart skip in your chest.

Z was standing across the road, smoking a cigarette. He hadn’t seen you, leaning against his bike, an impassive expression on his face. He had a black duster on, his arms crossed.

“Hey Tae,” You interrupted his story. “I have to make a quick phone call, for work, do you mind going in first and getting us a table?”

Taehyung’s eyes creased in confusion but he shrugged and nodded. “Sure.” He walked ahead into the coffee shop, and you waited until he was well inside.

Shoving your hands into your pockets, you crossed the road, walking towards Z.

“Uh… Z. Hi.” You called out before you reached the other man.

He turned his head slowly towards you at the sound of your voice.

Z just stared at you.

His eyes were flat and unyielding, and it occurred to you what it was about him that you found so terrifying. He was so immaculately pressed together. His face smooth and composed, his eyes devoid of any emotion.

However, this close, you could sense he was inches away from coming undone. The edges of his sanity were fraying. Your mind flashed back to the image of his fist, connecting with a sickening crack in Jimin’s eye socket. The wild look in his eyes after he’d snorted the ketamine. How quickly he had veered between those extremes.

That was what terrified you about Z. It wasn’t his controlled side, or his wild outbursts. It was the fact that you had no idea who he was. He was like a cobra, poised, and you had no idea when he was going to strike.

“I was wondering if you had heard from Hoseok or know where he is. I just want to talk to him.” Your voice rushed out and Z just kept staring. “I’m not going to write anything else about you, I got that article pulled and it won’t be published, I just want to explain-”

“Stop speaking.” Z’s voice sliced through your words and you fell silent. He didn’t raise his voice, he didn’t yell. Instead, his words slipped out like silk.

Your hairs stood up on edge and you felt a chill in your spine as he flicked his cigarette to the ground. The embers burned red and Z didn’t bother stamping out the flame, instead, he lifted his eyes to meet yours. His eyes were cold and calculating, his lips pressed tersely.

“Stay away from him.” He repeated evenly. “Maybe I didn’t make myself clear enough on Friday night. Stay away from him. And stay away from us.” His eyes pierced into yours, the threat unmistakable.

You swallowed and nodded. You felt a chill up your spine, remembering the look on Lorna’s face when you had brought his name up. The ex Kingsnake had been so guarded, but that mask had slipped just a fraction when you had mentioned Z, and a look of pure fear and pain had flashed across her face. Now, you were beginning to understand why.

You didn’t say anything to Z, instead, you turned, crossed the road and entered the coffee shop.

The warmth and scent of cinnamon calmed down your shot to hell nerves.

But still, even as you sat opposite Taehyung, you couldn’t shake the odd feeling that you had just made a huge mistake.

Z watched you leave. He reached in his coat pocket and pulled out a new cigarette, his fingers brushing over his steel lighter. His eyes were steely and calculated as he thought over his options.

He considered himself controlled. Yes, he enjoyed having fun, he enjoyed letting go of surface control with sex and with drugs. But on a deeper level, he was always controlled.

He was controlled when he had the burn of cocaine in his throat and confidence humming through his veins, he was controlled when he had his hands locked around a woman’s throat as he fucked into her. He was a man who was always controlled. It was the only way to run the Kingsnakes and conduct the gang in a way that he thought was best.

He had never been a high achiever in the past. That much had been established when he had dropped out of school, when he had suffered through everything he had experienced as a child. But he had grasped onto those shadows and become something new. He had risen from the dead, his body staggering up from the ashes.

He was creating something bigger and better of himself, of the Kingsnakes. Yes, it was about money, it was power, it was ownership… it was the dark heat of violence and crime. But above everything else, it was control.

Which is why this woman and her relationship with Hoseok had thrown a spanner in the works. He hadn’t cared when he had found out Hoseok was fucking some stranger.

When he had learned she was a journalist, he had been irritated. When Hoseok had requested to slow down on the drug runs, refusing lines at parties, showing reluctance to do the things he once reveled in… he had been annoyed. And now, when she had marched up to him and asked if Z knew where Hoseok was? As if she was entitled to something that was his?

That had made him angry.

And he rarely got angry.

Z picked up his phone, hitting speed dial. He doesn’t bother greeting the other person on the line, as he lifted the cigarette to his lips. He took a long drag in as the other person answered, the click of the phone bringing that to his attention. He breathed out the smoke, before his voice came out in a slick, smooth command.

“Follow her.”

Two days had passed and still nothing from Hoseok.

Work had been more or less the same, the hours trickling by at a mind numbingly slow pace. You weren’t sure if it was a subtle form of payback or not, but Abel had put you on writing the most mind-achingly boring stories this week, and you were drowning in your work.

You were walking home after work, making your way down your street, when you spotted something outside your house.

A motorcycle.

There was no doubting who that black motorcycle belonged to, and your breath caught in your throat as you glanced up at your doorstep.

Sure enough, Hoseok was standing there, his arms crossed. He was in his black leather jacket, black jeans, a terse expression on his face. Your heart gave out a bit when you looked at him.

“Hoseok,” You breathed out his name and he glanced at you with a bored expression.

You hurried up the stairs, unsure of what to say now that you were finally face to face with him.

“I…” You stammered out. “You’re here.”

“Yeah. I’m only here because you said you weren’t going to give up. So. Explain yourself.”

His words were harsh and clipped and you stared at him, still in disbelief that he was really here.

“I…” You began. “I got the article dropped,” You said finally. Hoseok just stared at you with a flat expression on his face.

“What, are you expecting a damn medal or something? I had no idea you were writing that article in the first place,” He said with a sneer. “You sure surprised me with how fucking two faced you are. And there I was thinking you were a boring bitch this entire time.”

You winced at his words and the venom behind them.

“I wrote the article,” You began slowly, “When we weren’t… when we were….” Your voice trailed off and you let out a sigh of frustration. “Yeah, I wrote it. It was shit of me. But I got it pulled, okay?”

Hoseok just let out a scoff. “Okay. Well this has been a waste of my time. I’m leaving-”

You reached out, catching his arm. “Hoseok,” You softened your voice. “Please. I’m not… I’m not wording myself right. Please, come in. Let’s talk.”

You gave him a pleading look and he stared at you, a hard expression on his face. Finally, with a sigh, he shrugged off your hand and turned around, a bored look on his face. You pulled your key out of your pocket, hastily unlocking your front door. He followed, and once you were inside, you turned to face him.

“I,” You began, shaking your head. “I’m sorry.” He glanced down at you and his eyes were flat and angry.

“I… I know I broke your trust. But you have to understand that I wrote it when I was upset with you. After the party. And I forgot that I even wrote it. I’ve been running around like crazy wanting to talk to you, wanting to explain, wanting to make things better because … I care about you. I don’t… I don’t want to lose you.” You whispered, and Hoseok’s head snapped up, his eyes scanning your face carefully.

“What?” he snapped out. You swallowed and nodded. “I care about you.” He just stared at you with a vulnerable look on his face, before he covered it with a scowl.

“Well. I don’t care about you.” He snapped back angrily, his eyes narrowing. You felt a sharp twist in your chest at his words but you just lifted your chin defiantly.

“You’re a fucking asshole,” You hissed back. “If you don’t care then why are you here?” Hoseok just rolled his eyes, hard, and you learned forward, pushing hard on his chest. He stumbled backwards a bit, a look of irritation crossing his face.

“Don’t,” He muttered, and you leaned forward, pushing him again.

“I said,” Hoseok growled, leaning forward, his body hovering over yours. “Don’t.”

Hoseok’s palm was outstretched against the wall, his body pinned to yours. He wasn’t touching you, but you could feel it, the heat of his body humming off of his skin.

He swallowed, his eyes intent on you as always, and you felt like you were going to burst into flames under his stare. Hoseok reacted first, pushing you against the wall, his body on top of yours. Your back collided, hard, with the wooden panels of the hallway.

With that smack, skin against timber, his lips found yours in a frenzied rush, and you let out a loud gasp into his mouth.

He ran his palm down your arm and laced his fingers into yours, pinning your arm away from your body as he slowly rolled his hips into yours.

He kissed you, roughly at first- his tongue dominating and aggressive, and you responded with urgency. You tilted your hips up into his, letting out a choked moan as he rolled himself hard into you, eliciting a choked cry from you.

Just as quickly as he had started kissing you, he pulled away. His breathing was heavy, ragged, as he propped himself off of the wall. You could see it in his eyes- doubt, fear, and then he was kissing you again.

“Hoseok,” His name ripped from your lips in a moan, and he groaned in response, reaching down to wrap his fingers around one of your thighs.

He squeezed your upper leg, once, twice, working his way up until you could feel the warmth of his hand right by your pussy. He was still kissing you, deeply and hungrily. He wasn’t a gentle kisser by any means- he was rough and intense.

But still, you felt your body weaken under the seal of his kisses, you could practically taste in his mouth how desperate he was for you. His hand was still latched around your upper thigh, his pinky finger starting to lightly tease inwards close to the apex of your lips.

You were starting to quiver from it, the awareness of how close he was to you. He pulled away from you, and you immediately moaned out.

“God, Hoseok.” He let out a low chuckle as he reached up with his other hand and yanked at the neckline of your shirt, exposing your skin. His lips found the dip of your collarbones, the hollow expanse of skin there. He latched his lips over your sensitive skin, sucking hard. The pressure, along with his fingers beginning to tease over your wetness, just made you moan out louder.

“So fucking needy,” Hoseok commented, and your eyes fell on his face. He looked unreal, his hair falling in his eyes, his tongue darting out to lick his lip. He pushed off the wall and away from you, and in one smooth movement he was pulling off his leather jacket and black shirt. He bent down so that he was on his knees, both of his palms flat on your thighs.

You’re all too aware of the heavy throb between your legs. You glance down at Hoseok who’s still on the floor, his eyes are darkened in arousal, you’re lost in them for a moment before you snap to reality and take in the rest of him.

You’ve seen him naked before, but crouched down like this… you can appreciate the curve of his shoulders, the way his muscles ripple under his skin. He squeezes your thighs and you run your hand over his shoulder blades, letting out a soft whimper. He’s dressed just in black jeans and you feel a ripple of heat and lust flash through you. Hoseok is staring straight at you.

“Needy fucking slut,” He continues in a low, hypnotic voice, his fingers tracing up your thighs before he hooks his fingers around the waistband of your underwear. You gasp, his fingers stay there, twisting the fabric, until he suddenly yanks down, practically ripping the fabric down your legs.

You step out of your underwear hurriedly and Hoseok flicks them away, he leans back and stares at you. Your back is still pressed against the wall and you’re naked from the waist down under your dress and so damn turned on it feels like you’re about to explode.

You’re shaky with it, the feverishness of how badly you want him has hit boiling point.

He’s teasing you, drawing this out and taking you to the edge, and you feel overwhelmed with how badly you want him to fuck you. Impulsively, you reach forward, entangling your fingers in his hair and pulling.

“Stop fucking teasing,” You moan, and Hoseok lets out a growl, grabbing your wrists and pulling them away from his head. He steps forward and places a finger on your clit, you cry out at the sudden feeling.

“Don’t boss me around,” He hisses, his fingertip tapping on your clit. It’s swollen and sensitive, and you let out a strangled groan as he starts to slide a finger inside of you.

“Bet you wish this was my cock, don’t you,” He continues. “You’re already begging for it and I haven’t even touched you yet.” He adds and before you can reply, he has another finger inside of you.

He hooks his finger and inserts another one, and you let out a moan, wondering how he gets you so wet and messy just from this. And just when you think you can’t be pushed any further to the brink, he presses his tongue against your clit.

His touch is light, taunting almost, the tip of his tongue working a quick circle around your clit, once, twice, before he pulls back to study your reaction.

You’re writhing against the wall, your thighs tensed. “Fuck!” You hiss, and you hear Hoseok groan in response before you feel his tongue against you again.

This time, he’s slower, and he runs his tongue along your slit, coaxing out the most desperate, strangled moan from you. It feels so good, he’s still fucking you with two of his fingers too, his pace quickening as his tongue finds it’s way back on your clit. This time he’s flicking his tongue over your sensitive spot, making your core squeeze and your eyes flutter shut.

“F-f-f-fuck,” You moan out, and Hoseok growls into your damn pussy and the feel of that has you clenching your fists, your nails digging into your skin. You bring your hand up to your mouth to bite down into your palm but you feel Hoseok reach up and squeeze your ass so hard that you yelp out. You look down and he’s staring at you, his lips full and parted and his eyes darkened with lust.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He says in a husky, commanding tone.

“I’m going to scream,” You try and reply calmly but your voice is shuddery and a smirk travels across Hoseok’s face. “Good,” He says instead, and then he pulls his fingers out of you, grabs your hips and spins you around. “Take your fucking dress off.”

You do what you’re told, fumbling with the hem of your dress and hoisting it over your head. You reach behind you, struggling with the clasp of your bra, until you’re fully naked.

His hands are massaging your ass, he comes down hard with a palm on one of your asscheeks. You moan at the crack of skin against skin that fills the air before you feel his tongue against your slit again. His fingers are placed in front of his tongue, working rapid, intense circles against your clit.

Your cheek is pressed to the wall, Hoseok is eating you out and moaning into your wetness, and you think you’re going to explode right then and there.

“Fucking slut getting your pussy eaten and screaming my name,” He moans out, before his palm comes down and slaps your ass again. He soothes the sting by rubbing his palm over your skin, giving your ass a squeeze.

You just cry out his name louder. “What, you want all your neighbors to know how much of a whore you are?” He groans, and then his tongue is back lapping up your slit and you let out a shuddery, suppressed scream.

“I’m so fucking close Hoseok oh my God oh my fucking God…”

Hoseok moans into you and that’s enough, it pushes you to the edge and you orgasm. It’s a rough, intense orgasm and it feels like it’s shuddering through your body. Hoseok pulls his hand away as you orgasm around his mouth, feeling waves of intensity and relief and pleasure ebb over your body.

You hear him straighten, getting up, and you crane your head around to see him standing there.

God. He looks good, his bare chest, his arms tensed as his thumb wipes at his lip. His hair is pushed back off his forehead, a satisfied look on his face, his lips full and parted and shiny with you all over them.

“You taste good.” He stares you straight in the eyes.

Fuck.

“Fuck me,” You beg. “God Hoseok, I need you…” You can’t explain how Hoseok does this to you, how he manages to push you to the point where you’re begging out his name like it’s a prayer.

You hear him unzip his jeans, tugging the fabric down.

“Turn around,” He mutters, and surprised, you turn, your back against the wall.

You know Hoseok likes nothing more than to fuck you from behind, to pull your hair until your scalp is aching. He doesn’t say anything, he just brushes the hair away from your forehead. Your face is sweaty, your hair messy, and his touch is surprisingly gentle.

You glance down and his cock is rock hard, and you swallow. Hoseok follows your gaze.

“You want more of me?” He asks in a low voice and you nod, he pushes you against the wall, positioning his cock at your entrance.

“Wait, I… have you…” Your voice stammers out and Hoseok hesitates.

“What?” He mutters, and you swallow. “Have you fucked anyone in the last few days, because if you have we should-”

“No,” Hoseok practically snarls out. “I haven’t.” His voice softens a fraction. “I told you, the only one I want is you.”

You freeze, because he hasn’t told you that before, in fact, you can remember exactly what the words were, it was more along the lines of ‘I’m not fucking anyone else’. Not this. The only one I want is you? What the hell does that mean?

The two of you stare at one another and his chest is heaving in exertion and your body is still tingly from your orgasm, but all you can focus on is the sudden pounding in your chest.

You stare at him and you wonder if he can see the question marks in your eyes because he leans in and kisses you, roughly, his lips slamming down onto yours.

It’s the most effective distraction, because your mind immediately vanquishes whatever thoughts were just running through it. He’s kissing you hungrily, with even more urgency than before. He isn’t stopping- kissing you hard and fast, and even when you break apart for air, he’s kissing down your neck and biting on your collarbone, his touch greedy and desperate and hungry all at once.

“Fuck,” You moan out as he nips against your neck. “Fuck me, please, God.” He pulls away from your neck and wraps his fingers around his length, positioning himself at your entrance. You hoist one leg up and he grips your thigh, wrapping it around his waist before he pushes into you.

The feeling of him, stretching you out, filling you whole… it has your back arching and your toes curling in pleasure.

Your head is tilted back against the wall so hard that it’s probably going to bruise but you don’t care, too wrapped up in the feeling of him inside of you.

Just when that initial glow started to simmer down, he began to thrust inside of you. He didn’t ease into it, that had never been his style, instead, he was intense and fast and hard with his thrusts. He fucked you hard, like he was trying to push every inch of his cock as deep inside of your as possible, his hands latched around your waist, his forehead pressed against yours.

“Fuck, your pussy feels so good,” Hoseok groaned, his eyes rolling in his head slightly.

“Mmmm,” You mumbled back, it was all you could manage, you wanted to keep your eyes open to look at him front on- he looked so good, his hair damp with sweat, his jaw clenched as he fucked into you. With your eyes closed, you could focus on it- the shallow, throaty moans that were coming out of Hoseok’s mouth, the sounds of skin against skin as he fucked into you, and most of all, how good it felt.

“I’m gonna cum,” Hoseok muttered. “God, I’ve wanted to cum inside your pretty pussy for days…”

You let out a moan at his words and opened your eyes, staring at him. He was staring straight at you, you reached up and entangled your fingers in his hair and saw his eyes widen, his jaw clench, and a groan escape his lips as his body stuttered.

His hips managed a few last desperate, intense, thrusts inside of you before he came.

“Fuck!” He shouted, his body faltered and his forehead was on his shoulder, you let out a loud moan, and he stood still for a moment, his body trembling, heavy breaths and sweaty skin.

You let out a shaky laugh, tipping your head back as he carefully extracted himself off of you.

“God Hoseok, that was-”

Before you could finish your sentence, Hoseok took a step towards you, shushing you.

Both hands cupped around your jaw, his thumbs stroking patterns into your cheeks, his eyes intent on yours.

You realized you weren’t been breathing, as he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. He was still intense with his kiss- that hadn’t changed- but this time he was slow.

His tongue darted over your lips as if seeking permission and you gladly relented, letting out a soft sigh. It was a kiss fused with intensity and unanswered questions.

Full of longing, desperate and slow and urgent, all at once.

Hoseok pulled away from you , his eyes slightly panicky. You similarly, felt a bit panicky, unsure as to what that meant, what exactly that kiss held. Suddenly afraid of how hard your heart was beating, of what you were feeling.

“I’m…” you began, your voice still breathless. “Gonna…” You gestured to the bathroom and Hoseok didn’t say anything, he just nodded, and with that, you turned went straight to the bathroom.

You stared at your reflection in the bathroom mirror, taking a deep breath in.

You looked fucked out, your hair a mess and your lips swollen. You ran your fingers uselessly through your hair, settling on your forehead and letting out a sigh.

You were still trembling, the euphoric buzz from your orgasm humming over your body. You were shaking, and you knew the shakiness of your limbs wasn’t from the orgasm, as delicious as it had been. It was from something else entirely.

You were confronting it all head on now. You had accepted that your feelings for Hoseok were approaching something new entirely. It felt like all your emotions had been freefalling the last few days, from his silence, to this. Hoseok telling you he didn’t feel anything for you, to that kiss.

God, what did that kiss mean? You stared at your reflection, your fingertips ghosting over your swollen lips.

It felt like you didn’t recognize the woman staring back at you in the mirror. Flushed cheeks, an expression of confusion and hope and worry on her face. That was still you, right? You glanced down at your naked body, seeing the small snowflake inked into your skin.

You walked out of the bathroom and pulled on your dress and underwear from where they were scattered on the floor. Hoseok’s clothes were gone and you wondered if he had left, looking down your hallway to see the front door crooked open slightly.

You walked out, shivering a little in the brisk air, seeing Hoseok sitting on your front steps, a pensive look on his face.

He had a cigarette resting between his fingers, and you settled down beside him. The concrete was hard and cool and you sat there for a moment, unsure of what to say.

“Hoseok-”

“I-”

You broke off with an embarrassed laugh and Hoseok stared ahead, taking a drag from his cigarette.

“Go ahead,” He muttered, and you watched him for a moment. He was staring straight ahead, his expression carefully smooth, a far cry from how he had been just moments ago- his eyes glazed over from his orgasm, his face dotted in sweat.

“I meant what I said.” You murmured. “I’m not going to give up. I… I care about you. More than I should, probably.”

Hoseok froze, cigarette still perched in his fingertips, already halfway to his lips.

“I…” He began, and you interrupted him.

“You have to understand when I say that the article didn’t mean anything. I…” You swallowed. “I wouldn’t do that to you. I meant it. I care about you.”

Hoseok dropped the cigarette to the ground and stamped out the butt with his foot, a conflicted look on his face.

“I’m not-”

“If you say that you’re not a good person one more time, I swear I’ll punch you.” You said in a deadpan manner, Hoseok’s lips twisted up in a chuckle and he sighed, leaning back. He tilted his head up and looked at the sky, his eyes full of doubt.

“I’m not… good. That’s just a fact.” Hoseok said instead, in a harsh voice, turning his head to look at you for the first time. His eyes met yours and your chest tightened, his face was still guarded, but his eyes softened as he took you in.

“I...” He said finally, his voice cracking. “I care… about you too.” He stared at you for a long, intense moment and you nodded.

He nodded back, and a heavy silence hung between the two of you. You worked up your nerves and forced out the words.

“So what happens now?” You’d be lying if you said your heart wasn’t knotted up in hope, your eyes intently watching for his reaction. You didn’t know what you were expecting, but it wasn’t this- his lips settled into a firm line and he shook his head once, briskly.

“Nothing.” He said shortly. He stood up, roughly, shoving his hands into his pockets. You could hear the jangle of keys in the pocket of his leather jacket and you felt your heart drop.

“I shouldn’t have even come here in the first place. It’s not safe for you, the Kingsnakes don’t approve. For fuck sake I shouldn’t have even come here in the first place, I just…” His voice trailed off and he stared at you.

“You just…?” You prompted, but Hoseok just looked away, his face becoming distant again.

“Look, how is what we’re doing together any of their business?”

Hoseok just let out a harsh laugh. “Everything’s their business,” He replied in a flat voice. “And I don’t know why but Z wants me to step up in the group. Take on more ‘responsibility’. Fuck,” He laughed, a bitter laugh. “Not that I have a choice.”

You frowned at him. Suddenly you were uncertain, remembering the folder Abel had tossed over to you, the darker side of the gang that he had started to uncover. You glanced at the look on Hoseok’s face, he was staring at a fixed spot on the wall behind you, a pained, angry look on his face. You wondered if Hoseok knew what was going on in the group. What exactly ‘taking on more responsibility’ meant.

“You don’t want that?” You asked instead, quietly, and Hoseok glanced at you.

“No,” He replied honestly. “I don’t.”

You sighed. “Okay, so what do you want?”

He caught your eyes and you saw something flicker in his gaze.

“I want…”

Your breath caught in your throat as you saw him form the words, but as always, his face closed off and he glanced down at the ground. He fell silent and you felt yourself deflate. Frustration bloomed inside of you as you stared at him, still standing in front of you on the steps.

Fuck it.

“Hoseok,” You whispered. “Just leave them.”

He just scoffed derisively, not even bothering to answer you properly. Your face contorted into a frown.

“Why not?”

He didn’t answer, he just clenched his jaw, and you just gazed at him, seeing how he closed up the moment the Kingsnakes were brought up.

Something clicked in your mind and you reached out, your fingers wrapping around his wrist, around that tattoo of his.

“What do they have on you?”

Hoseok paused, and something flashed across his face- a dark expression, doubt and anger and fear.

Before he could speak, your phone rang, the noise catching you by surprise.

You pulled your phone out of your pocket, frowning. It was a string of numbers that you didn’t recognize.

“Can I…?” You asked, and Hoseok just shrugged, nodding.

“Hello?” You answered.

“Is this Y/N speaking?” It was an unfamiliar voice, composed and professional.

You frowned.

“Yes, speaking.”

“We’re calling because you’ve been listened as Kim Taehyung’s emergency contact. He’s here at King Mercy hospital.”

You felt your blood run cold, your palms suddenly turning clammy. You were vaguely aware of Hoseok staring at you, his eyes narrowed in concern as he took in the shocked expression on your face.

The hospital? Taehyung?

“I…” Your voice stammered out, standing up. “I’ll leave now, oh my God… Is everything okay? What happened?”

You heard the hesitation on the other line.

“Mr Kim has been in an accident.”

You had always hated hospitals.

As you raced down the hallways, taking in the sterile white walls and the hushed voices of doctors, nurses, patients… you had never hated hospitals more.

You were a mess, your core still aching from Hoseok’s touch. Speaking of Hoseok, you had barely said anything to him, numb with shock as you had grabbed your keys and all but ran out of the door, leaving him behind. You had just whispered, “Taehyung’s been in an accident.” Hoseok hadn’t made any move to follow you, you had left him on the front step of your house.

Your mind was preoccupied by one thing, and one thing only.

An accident? Taehyung?

There were doctors talking to you as they walked you to Taehyungs’s room, talking about an accident. Mentioning that they weren’t sure what happened, telling you that his sister was here talking to the police.

You had no idea why the police were involved, or what exactly had happened. They weren’t telling you anything. They just kept saying that he was stable now, mentioning internal bleeding, and again and again that he had been in an accident.

You grasped onto the few words that made sense to you, ‘For now we think he’s going to be okay but we will have to wait and see.’ The end of that sentence struck a dagger of fear straight into your throat.

You were frantic by the time you reached Taehyung’s room, and you pushed open the door.

Your hands fluttered up to your mouth and caught the gasp that spilled out.

There was a sharp, awful ache ricocheting in your chest as you stared. They had told you he had been in an accident, but they hadn’t told you this. They had not prepared you for this.

Taehyung was lying in bed, and he looked so frail, so small. His eyelids were closed, his long lashes fluttering slightly with each labored breath.

Your eyes scanned over the rest of him and you felt a dry ache in your throat as you took in his face.

One of his eyes was completely closed over, the lid swollen and raised like a golf ball, a deep purple black, a deep bloody welt marring one of his cheeks. His lip was split and the wound was splotches of purple and crimson, pieced together by neat stitches that stuck out against his pale lips.

You stepped closer and felt tears fill your eyes. Everything faded around you. It all went quiet, your body numb, and all you could hear was the thunderous thump of your heart in your chest, the clamminess in your palms. All you could feel was the horrible, sinking feeling of dread.

Taehyung almost looked unrecognizable, and as you stepped closer, your eyes fell on the inky bruises fanning over his neck. You could hear him breathing, but it was hardly a comfort. Each breath he took in was labored and broken.

Taehyung, sweet Taehyung with his heart of gold, Taehyung who liked to hunt for rare antique art at Sunday flea markets, Taehyung who hated killing spiders and traps them carefully under plastic cups to free them outside. Taehyung who just a few days ago held you close and told you he didn’t want to see you hurt.

It seemed impossible to pair the two in your mind. That Taehyung- strong and full of life, to this Taehyung. Lying motionless in a hospital bed, the mechanical beep of his heart rate monitor filling the room.

Your breath hitched in your throat as you thought about the force that had to be behind the impact of those bruises. The fear that must have pumped through Tae’s veins at each point of impact.

“What are you doing here?”

You whirled around to see Ara standing there, her eyes swollen with tears. You were crying too, but her face is angry, her bottom lip trembling.

“I…” You began to speak, your voice shaking with tears but Ara shook her head.

“You know I had to talk to the police,” She almost snarls out the words, her voice is thick with her tears. “Because he was found like this on the street?”

You fell silent, and Ara just stared, tears spilling onto her cheeks.

“They asked if he was involved with the Kingsnakes,” She continued, looking down at the floor. Fat tears were rolling down her face, and her breath was starting to rasp, her shoulders trembling. “Because they’ve only ever seen beatings like this due to gang activity.”

The Kingsnakes. Your blood felt like ice.

“You know,” She continued, gulping down a sob. “The doctors don’t even know if he’ll wake up?”

It felt like your heart was breaking. “Ara,” You whispered hoarsely. “I’m so sorry…”

Ara’s shook her head. “Just…” Her words pitched upwards with her tears, her voice quivering as she stopped, biting her lip. “Just please,” She continued, glancing down. “Leave us alone.”

She strode past you and stood by Taehyung’s side, not looking at you anymore.

Your eyes followed her. Your chest was so unbearably tight, tears beginning to trickle down your face. You stared at Taehyung one more time, at his small body in the bed, before you turned and left his room.

You practically ran down the hallway. You couldn’t focus on anything, not on the doctors who passed by, speaking in hushed tones and medical jargon, the police officers who were talking in small groups.

You only stopped once you got to the hospital’s fire escape, your breaths coming out in shuddery, panicked gasps.

You sank down onto the floor, your face crumpling, tears hot and salty. Your chest and head were so heavy, your limbs felt like they were floating.

Snapshots from the last few days were playing on an endless loop through your mind. The yellow folder on Abel’s desk. The black snake tattooed on Hoseok’s skin. Taehyung’s lopsided smile while he sat opposite you in the coffee shop. Hoseok, holding your face close and capturing your lips in a kiss.

And most vivid of all, Z’s warning, the ice in his eyes as he told you to leave Hoseok alone.

Your phone was vibrating in your pocket, but you didn’t move. You just dropped your head in your hands and began to cry.

This is my fault.

AN: ok this is the turning point of the story when things start to get intense and Real. If this wasn’t already evident from this chapter. There will be ten parts overall of this fic! I hope you enjoyed. ♡♡

#hoseok smut #hoseok angst #hoseok fanfic #bts angst #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts scenarios #hoseok scenarios #jhope angst #jhope smut #bts imagines #hoseok imagines

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