justfordaddy-j

[npdclaraoswald]

I listen to a podcast called Trekking Through Time and Space where a Doctor Who fan and a Star Trek fan introduce each other to their shows and I, with what certainly feels like increasing frequency, disagree with their opinions on the shows. (In reality it is probably just the fact that they do in passing discuss the current stuff so I know he likes Strange New Worlds and she dislikes 13, and both of those are extremely incorrect opinions, so now any opinion I slightly disagree with feels bigger.) And like, if the podcast is annoying me, obviously the solution is to just stop listening, but. They're in series 7a for Doctor Who which means they're about to get to MY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so I simply cannot

[variousqueerthings]

My granny used to put things on tumblr

It's! The Infamous! Kill The Moon! otherwise known here as the pro-life Doctor Who episode. so that's... something that was on my mind while watching. To be honest, I don't think I'd go that far, I think it was mainly politically completely unsure of what point it was trying to make at all

but yes, it makes the suggestion that Tumblr is not only around but a hit with the teenagers in the year of 2049, which is actually its best and funniest statement

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 8/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored, or given agency to her emotional interiority): 8/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually and philosophically and emotionally): 3/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 7/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 5/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 4/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 4/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 10/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 3/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 2/10

FULL RATING: 54/100 (if I can count….)

this episode.........

OBJECTIFICATION: we brought back fan-favourite ORANGE SPACESUIT (orange spacesuit my beloved). Actually genuinely, hi bby I miss you every time I don't see you. It's been in this season twice for some reason

apart from Clara, we also have Courtney the teenager, and um... science space lady whom I recognise from back when I watched all of Spooks just to get to Richard Armitage in s7 of that. but enough about MI6 propaganda, this is um... Moon Propaganda? listen, I know exactly why it's called the Pro-life episode, and technically that is its worst implication with what it's doing, but I think there's so much else we can tear it to pieces for

however, objectification of its female characters is, blissfully, not one of them

PLOT-POINT: so as of time of beginning this sentence, I've rated this one quite highly, because it's all about Clara's trust and faith in the Doctor being shaken, when he treats her badly just one fucking time too many

I'm unsure if it'll continue being highly rated, because unfortunately the way the episode went about all of it was sooooooooo "forcing something into the correct shaped hole in order to make this exact point and so as consequence I feel like Clara almost suffers as a character, rather than grows"

but this may be an issue to come at in other points. Technically it fulfills this remit!

COMPLEXITY: moon's an egg. [gets a nuclear bomb]. moon's an egg.

oh boy oh boy does it try to do something emotionally complex with this one, but really all it's about is that ostensibly all of humanity is wrong for being worried about a Thing Happening that they've had exactly no knowledge of since like. less than an hour before they have to make a decision, and even then have barely any info on

seriously, listening to Clara's speech, I was wondering if I was on earth, how would I react to that? Ok so wait, moon's an egg- oh it's hatching, right now? and we want to blow it up to... turn it back into the moon? BBC science advisors what do you make of this, oh hallowed of totally unbiased news? doesn't the moon doing all of this mean the earth is fucked either way, I mean... something with tides right? ahhh we have vote by turning off the ligh- well the council roadworks shorted out the building again mate, so idk. guess I'll die. or the moon dies. or we both die? do I have enough mobile data to check in with this one?

so wait, if the moon's an egg- [episode ends]

they should not have involved the whole earth in this one for starters. secondly the Doctor leaving is bonkers yonkers. thirdly the scifi bullshit is streeeeetched thin. sooooo thin in this one. fourthly Science Lady with the nukes, I don't understand your motivations very well beyond Space Scary so this might be scary also. fifthly Clara being in the middle of something that makes so little sense, means that I'm having to engage with her emotions about something that makes no sense, so how can I take her arc seriously? this is ostensibly a Clara-centric episode that has her reevaluate her whole feelings about the Doctor based on being warned about Red Flags numerous times, but the science fiction underlying concept is "would you kill this unborn child if it would save billions of people" to which the answer is... yes?

(aaaand we come around to the pro-life vibes of the plot eyyyy we got there)

but mainly "would you kill this unborn child if it would save billions of people" is then peppered with so many "uhhh ignore this logic flaw" moments that I can't get into the actual ostensible philosophical point it's trying to make, because not only is it a bad point, it's also made badly -- it's not "would you kill this unborn child to save billions," it's "this hypothetical child is the moon, and whether or not you kill it doesn't matter, because the earth is gonna be without a moon either way, so you're basically fucked might as well let it live" or even (as it turns out to be) "this unborn child is the moon in a system that deliberately makes sense to allow earth to continue, so there's no real stakes here actually"

ironically M*ffat-era did this better in s5ep2 with The Beast Below, and there was more to it than "just" people kinda suck. like yeah, that episode struuuuggled with justifying its political structure, but its central philosophical ideas are quite interesting and Amy's journey in that is about growing and changing and seeing

Kill The Moon has such a simple premise that you can't see anything but the question it's asking and the more you look at it the more you go... "wait, what?"

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: this is the episode where Clara finally goes, "hey fuck you!" at the Doctor and yeah, it better be, however I have so many questions about what the heck the Doctor is doing in it

a. leaving Clara behind just to see what she'll do b. "lol if the child that crucially I am the only own who knows doesn't have to die dies, then that's a learning opportunity for... someone" c. this episode starts because the Doctor told a clearly-struggling teenage girl that she "wasn't special." not onscreen or anything, just at some point, just cos -- I have been reminded several times (by others and also by myself) that Ten could be quite unthinking at times, and this is true. it brings to mind when Ten says to Donna that she's not important, but the context there is that Ten sometimes says/does things without thinking and in this instance, crucially, is having a bit of a rough time, and then spends the rest of their time together basically apologising for his own words. now not that this is a "competition," they're not real etcetc. but Twelve is. A Dick. To Everyone. and that is kind of just... there. I am waiting for something to happen with that, I am seeing where this is going, but seeing as I brought up Eleven and The Beast Below a second ago, "you couldn't bear to watch a child cry" is one of the most interesting things about that character, and other Doctors bear this out too. they are -- for the most part -- not massive dicks to kids

Twelve has a line in this where after Clara rebukes him for being a bastard to the kid for the whole episode, goes "she’s fine, what are you 35?" (Courtney then replies, "15")

it's fascinating that this Doctor not only doesn't like people, this Doctor doesn't even see people

and Clara is now reacting to this at last by going, hey buddy, fuck you

but I am definitely reaching a point where I hope all of this makes some sense, because oh boy is the Doctor just not likeable, and the more that is stretched out, the less fun I have watching these episodes, especially when it feels like it's being leaned on for comedy

COMPANIONS MATTER: I have feelings about M*ffat having a couple of episodes where some kids that Clara knows are brought on a space adventure, and those feelings are... it was bad

I think the actress who plays Courtney is better than the two kids in Nightmare In Silver, but she is -- like them -- such a badly written teen, do you not know how 15 year olds speak? what is the purpose of having kids in these stories, if you're not telling a story for that age group? "Hey, you too could fly on the Tardis and have an adventure and do something incredible," but instead it's "hey you too could... tag along, get bored, sit on your phone, make stupid comments, and be ragged on by adults the entire time"

I will give Courtney is 100% going "uh let's not kill this creature" the whole time (weirder vibes with the pro-life undertones, fine if you just consider that like... it doesn't make sense to kill it anyway, because once again, have to say, the scifi is so bullshit as to be unintelligible)

meanwhile Clara asks the earth for advice, decides not to kill the moon against earth's advice and everything is fine and dandy (no consequences within the actual episode, because it's really just a backdrop on which to cause Doctor and Clara Drama), it's... the more you think about it, the less she has to do in this episode, other than to emote (understandably) at the Wildness of the Doctor just deciding to leave her alone, just... because.....

but yeah, technically none of them need to be there. even Science Lady is barely an antagonist

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: HE'S A DICK WITH A TIME MACHINE WHO DECIDES TO PLAY 5D CHESS FOR NO REASON FUCKYOU MATE

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: HE'S A DICK WITH A TIME MACHINE WHO DECIDES TO PLAY 5D CHESS FOR NO REASON FUCKYOU MATE <- this was the previous point also, and I think that may be unfair to call "totally against every way the character has been written thus far," but then again.... is it?

we've had Machiavellian Doctor. we've had Doctor makes decisions for others, because they don't trust people with their own agency (literally from the beginning). we've even had Doctor who tries to unwrite a fixed point in time because of being mad with grief

we've had many flavours of this kind of Doctor. but have we had a Doctor who just... leaves.... because fuck this noise. not leaves out of defeat. not leaves out of disgust with people. not leaves because of idk, exhaustion. leaves because "hey why not let you deal with this one, even though I have all of the information to defuse the situation instantly, but I just don't like anything anymore"

there's some grains of something that could be interesting there -- and even is interesting in other episodes of this season, but maaan do I feel like they gambled on how far they could push things with this episode, but failed to make anything in it compelling, and so the Doctor comes out the other side an incomprehensible asshole

there are fun references to classic who in this episode, but at least one of them feels bastardised (the earth isn't my home) in order to justify the Doctor simply not caring anymore. it's like the inverse journey of Nine, but an endless endless slog

boy oh boy does this season/era have a lot of legwork to do to make me care

“SEXINESS”: I guess at least this is fine?

INTERNAL WORLD: *I wish I could take a massive swig of wine but I do not drink. sips tea with disgust instead* the moon is an egg could be fun. it is not. political situation on earth that merits earth being involved in this episode? nah none of that

Tumblr is still around though. should I vote it one down or up for that assumption?

POLITICS: ohhhhkay we've covered this I feel, in all the other points, but to summarise: it's so incomprehensible, with a dash of I think definitely unintentional pro-life stuff going on, but mainly just there to justify the Doctor's continued bleak, cynical, utter lack of faith in humanity As A Statement

sure there's a breadcrumb at the end of "and now I guess you'll get better" but it's just... it's like you know how Rise Of The Guardians has this whole Thing where children stop believing except for this one persistent light that won't get snuffed out, and so the Guardians all gather around that light as a way to regain their powers and protect the children

this episode doesn't even have one persistent light, never mind a coherent political statement. I think the one persistent light was meant to be Courtney, but it failed so hard at having purpose on any fronts that of course she was barely needed in it either

we also get an added nugget of Danny as he uses his experiences in the army to mirror Clara's experience with the Doctor (which, even that is just... bleak as hell comparison to make here)

Danny: I left the army Clara: You loved the army Danny: Yep. And then one day I didn’t

seriously hope we get something more in-depth about Danny versus the military industrial complex at some point -- I mean, orphan who found structure in a system, the violence of which eventually drove him out? that's interesting. Potentially

FULL RATING: 54/100 (if I can count….)

this episode should not be rated this highly, but its crimes do not extend to literally treating its female characters as garbage for being women, although I do have some questions about Courtney as a Black teen who's told she isn't special as what sounds like a casual aside and acts out as the setup for this episode to happen in the first place

at least we hear she does well at the end of the episode, but urgh, why is she there for this story, when so much of it is pointless, her being there is just as pointless as the rest of it

at the end of it, we are left to question: okay but does the Doctor's character regression at least get better after this?

and what is Clara's whole... deal (at least that, I think, is answered at the end of the next one)

[alistairian]

Just started season 7 of our Doctor Who rewatch (the last season I watched the first time around) I'm remembering again why I sorta fell out with the show at this point. I genuinely like Matt Smith's doctor but oh my god they seriously try to tease The Doctor's death every goddamn episode of season 6, every episode the companions go through some of the most insane horrible shit and by the end of the episode it's all magically undone and forgotten. And it's not like I'm not mad that it's episodic, I'm a star trek fan for christs sakes, there's actually just 0 stakes.

Oh, now Rory's a plastic robotic centurian who was present for 2000 years of history and is older than the doctor and basically immortal? I sure hope they don't completely forget about that 2 episodes later and do nothing with it... Amy has a storyline where she's pregnant? Wait. Not pregnant. Nope, pregnant again. Pregnant, but this time we don't see it at all. Huh, turns out Amy wasn't even there for the past several episodes she was in a pregnancy tube? Are they gonna explain how that works? No? Aw, and now she can't get pregnant and it's the worst thing ever ):

Also the misogyny?? I thought maybe it was exagerated in my memory from internet discourse and being a teenager but no that shit is so blatant. The over-the-top Shock at the suggestion that a completely alien entity might consider a woman to be stronger than a man, and the reason? Women can make babies. Not her spirit, not her love or resilience, no. She has a womb. All of the "I hate my wife" jokes and the "women, amiright?" punchlines. I remember last time around I really wasn't a fan of Amy at all and this time around I wanted to give her a second chance but she just doesn't have a personality, I've got nothing to work with. She had no family or friends, she basically never mentions having a life outside the doctor, her entire schtick is being obsessed with the doctor and making her husband feel like trash over and over again. A lot of the time she just does things for no reason but luckily it always works out plotwise. Oh but she's pretty, when she does have a life on earth she becomes a model so that's something I guess. Also she can't have kids and it's very bad ): like sorry but idk why we got almost 2 and a half seasons with her, cuz it sure didn't feel that long with Rose.

And even though I haven't seen most of Clara's episodes from what I remember I worry it's probably the same with her. Another blank canvas who'll do anything for The Doctor...

Idk man, big rant. My partner's been watching all of this for the first time and has had 0 exposure to fandom and they're seeing all the same things I do so I know I'm not just being an unreasonable fan lol

[capybaraonabicycle]

River Song

Rose Tyler

Clara Oswald

or

The Doctor

The Master

River Song(??? idk, i just want three characters)

Thank you so much for the ask!

3 characters: River, Rose, Clara

1. Who would you rather swap aesthetics/outfits with for a day?

Rose! I love her style and it looks so comfy! Clara's outfits are cute and River's fabulous but Rose is more close to what I feel comfortable in. That said, I would love to have River's hair for a day. I would probably spend it doing this:

2. Who do you team up with in a 2v2 volleyball match? Which side wins?

I team up with River. I am too cowardish to play against her and I definitely don't want to play with someone as competitive as Clara. And if Rose and I were against the other two, they would destroy us. But me and River will only be slightly worse than Rose and Clara, so they'll win by a few points.

3. If each of them got one million dollars, who would waste/spend their money the fastest?

River. Or maybe Rose. Clara is too controlled to waste money. I think it would be River because she isn't worried in the slightest about getting new money. She has a prestigious job at a university and no problem getting into and out of bank tresors.

4. Who would die first in a horror movie? Who would be the survivor?

Okay, I'll cheat because we all know it's true: if those three bond together, it's the horrors that die and they all come out as survivors.

5. They're all on the run from the law! What crimes did each commit and who is most likely to get caught?

Rose: sending Donna to her death, illegal use of weapons, also protesting the world's injustices

Clara: breaking into a bank, identity theft, endangering of a student in her care - It's probably mostly the first one

River: do I even have to start counting?

And about getting caught, well...

3 characters: Doctor, Master, River

1. Who would you rather swap aesthetics/outfits with for a day?

Hmmm... Can I say...

I'm not that much fan of the neck tie but the sleeves? The vest? The watch?! Yes, please!

I'd also definitely go for 9's outfit or 12 in series 10, though :)

2. Who do you team up with in a 2v2 volleyball match? Which side wins?

I'm teaming up with Simm!Master post death specifically. I might not survive it but he'd be awesome, jumping from place to place and way too high into the air.

Plus point: I would get to see the Doc and River flirt constantly on their side. I think it'd end in a draw.

3. If each of them got one million dollars, who would waste/spend their money the fastest?

As I answered for the other ask: the Master would keep the money because they don't need it, the Doctor would either forget about it and also keep it forever or spend it all in a day and River would spend it quickly without a care.

So either the Doctor or River. Their household is a mess when it comes to money 😂

4. Who would die first in a horror movie? Who would be the survivor?

The Master dies first, then River near the end, the Doctor survives traumatised.

(In the post credits we see that the Master survived anyway without the Doctor knowing)

5. They're all on the run from the law! What crimes did each commit and who is most likely to get caught?

Oh god, too many for each of them. Murder is on all three lists as is theft and identity theft. And they all get caught and meet in a prison cell. Don't worry though, they'll break out before you know it :)

[higheldertala]

hi hi going through your salt rewatch tag bc i love the hot takes. anyway long ask incoming sry in advance. idk if this has been answered already since the post is a bit old, but re: your comments on spyfall part 2 and gallifrey in the bubble universe. i'm pretty sure the idea in hell bent was that the dr and clara could get out was because 1) they were at the end of everything and the universe is dying so timespace is weaker and 2) the time lords don't really WANT either of them on gallifrey, especially clara who's already at this point a disruption in time, so they sort of do what time lords do and just flick away the problem. i agree w you tho that hell bent is kinda ambiguous here and tbh on rewatch i've just kinda chalked it up to "it needs to be that way to make the plot go brr" and the emotional core of the episode (12/clara's relationship and her death) is strong enough for me that that's enough. (which, tbh, is one of my big complaints about the ch*b era bc i can forgive a lot of handwaving plot bullshit in dr who as long as it doesn't take me out of the story and more importantly, if it's so the emotional core of the story and the character relationships can take precedence. we don't get time to invest in 13's character relationships so like. the only thing that's left are the plot holes) as for why the master isn't stuck on gallifrey, i'm pretty sure that's part of what "the doctor falls" was supposed to explain:

12: (to Simm!Master) The last time I saw you, you were on your way to Gallifrey. SIMM!MASTER: Well, I didn't stay. Why would I stay? 12: So they cured your little condition and kicked you out. SIMM!MASTER: It was a mutual kicking me out. the master has never gotten along w the time lords so tbh it makes sense to me that they wouldn't want him in their specially protected pocket universe on a wartorn gallifrey. anyway that's how he's in the dr falls and subsequently regenerates into missy? dhawan!master? the timeline would be clearer if not for the fact that dhawan!master seems to have no memory of being missy. anyway i agree with you that it's weird that gallifrey lost basically all of its pocket universe protection in 13's era. the implication i got in "the doctor falls" is that the master being able to leave gallifrey was pretty hard, and it was sort of necessary that the time lords kick him out as opposed to him just leaving on his own. if i want to be generous, i could say that simm!master's previous experience being on pocket universe gallifrey gave him the info necessary as dhawan!master to go back and blow it up, but idk if at this point i'm just grasping at straws.

hi! thanks for ask, and no worries at the long ask, it’s much more fun when i can chat to people about it and god knows i can ramble on for ages 😅

and yes the gallifrey stuff does makes sense, thanks for reminding me! and haha yeah doctor who definitely does do a lot of plot go brr 😂 and yeah the gallifrey stuff does become background in hell bent which i agree with you the focus is more on 12 and clara. (and i definitely agree with you there’s no emotional anchor in this era to lean on when plot gets messy). i don’t know if moffat wanted to do anything more with gallifrey seeing as he made it such a big deal of bringing it back but that’s all past now.

yeah every showrunner seems to want to do radically different things with gallifrey which is frustrating as a viewer because imo it’s holds less and less meaning every time they change it and i end up just not caring about it all together.

and yeah your dhawan!master theory would make the most sense i could see that. and the whole missy thing is very confusing, because ch*bnall just point blank refuses to ever mentioned it, meaning fans have to fill in the blanks themselves (which obviously happens from time to time i admit). but it’s a shame because missy’s character arc was really interesting and fun and to act like it never happened at all is a weird one to say the least (i don’t have anything against the master going back to their ‘old ways’ but it uh definitely needed more than timeless child bs justification we got). it’s not like this was a terrible choice or had a blanket negative reception that ch*bnall decided we must do an U-turn on that immediately, rather it was actually quite popular within fandom, so who knows honestly.

[variousqueerthings]

Hi!

I’m currently watching Doctor Who (2005) for the first time. Just finished season 4.

And I just read your post from last October (?), where you state that you dislike the character River Song. And even though this might sound a bit mean, I was so happy to read that I’m not alone in my strange aversion against this character from the very moment she appeared in the Library episode. Similar to you I just don’t like the fact, that one of the companions is getting this kind of super special treatment, especially when it is interwoven with a romance and even marriage.

Now I’m a bit apprehensive to start with season 5, because I know River Song will be a huge part of the plot... Is it possible to skip her episodes or would I get problems to follow the overarching story line, when doing so?

Something else I noticed and wanted to ask about is the fact that River Song only appeared in the TV series up to and including season 9 (according to the tardis wiki). I know there are many other kinds of media she appears in after 2015. But I’m curious if they indeed dropped the character in the TV show in some way after a couple of seasons?

So far I enjoyed Doctor Who immensely. It is a fun watch, a great opportunity to get lost in strange worlds and, on a more personal level, a nice way to relax after a busy workday. So I just don’t want to ruin this experience for myself, because I have to follow a character/ or a character construct I really don’t like.

And please don’t worry about giving away future plot points. At this point it is better for my enjoyment of the story to know what will happen, at least in regards to River Song.

SoooOOOoooooeeew hello first of all hello hi! welcome to Doctor Who! (I say, if you've seen s1-4/specials you're firmly In It!)

I want to disclaim to begin with, I know a lot of people do like River Song, and would rec seeing her narrative to understand her whole... Deal. I'm personally not a fan of that narrative, but I'll give you a rundown of it below and if you decide you wanna give it a looksee, or a partial watch, there are suggestions for some episodes including her below as well

to allay your fears that she's overpowering/unavoidable, she's kind of shockingly not, considering what M*ffat seemed to want from her. you can pretty much excise her episodes from the plot and miss almost nothing (and I let you know what you do miss below)

the seasons she's in the most are s5+6. she's only in two episodes in s7 and one more in s9 (with none in s8), which ironically does make it feel even odder to me that she's presented the way she is in s4. I know in the audio dramas she does meet other Doctors but in main canon on the show she meets 10 once, 11 a few times, and 12 once. compared to characters like the Master, Jack, even Rose and Clara according to M*ffat's own canon (these are episodes you will see, so you'll know what I mean at that point) she just doesn't compute for me as this "Most Important" thing that M*ffat tries to pull, in which her "specialness" feels incredibly linked to amatornormative monogamy (and generally M*ffat's penchant for introducing women as mysteries first, and characters second). Also in s5+6 especially she's presented as this uncomfortably "femme fatale" type character with dialogue that makes me want to claw my face off

I do have a watchlist that's for when I next go into this era that does skip the River Song episodes (that being said, I actually quite like her last episode. I have a theory that Peter Capaldi is such a grounding presence that over-the-top narrative and terrible dialogue is made emotionally resonant to me)

SO, first things first, I'll give you a rundown of her arc, and then a watchlist of how I intend to enjoy s5-7 moving forwards that you can totally follow

River Song canon (in brief): River Song is the child of Amy Pond (fifth/sixth season companion) and her husband Rory (also companion in those two seasons). Because she is conceived in the Tardis, she has some regeneration energy innate to her (I wasn't a fan of that personally). Before she is born a space cult that's obsessed with the Doctor for truly overblown reasons that are never fully delved into, but can be summed up as "Gallifrey is un-destroyed and the Doctor has the ability to bring it back into the Universe by using a passcode that's his name, and so this cult has formed in order to stop the Doctor discovering this fact and uttering his name," kidnaps Amy, replaces her with a flesh double who has Amy's memories, erases her knowing she's pregnant and then have her wake up in her real body at the moment of giving birth (if this all feels violating af, yes it is and it's never addressed)

then the Doctor and Rory go to rescue her, but in the moment they succeed, they discover that the baby Amy is holding is also a flesh double and the evil cult took her daughter/River from her and... *sigh please know I am only saying this because it's how they describe it on the show* "raise her to be the perfect psychopath" whose only wish is to kill the Doctor (all this training or whatever happens offscreen), but then the Doctor almost dies while saving her life and she gives up her regenerations to save him and the obsession turns into love, and so in summary her following the Doctor around is still centred around being groomed to be obsessed with the ground the Doctor walks on (okay can you tell I really really don't like this)

there is no examination of River's trauma in all of this, and only one moment related to Amy being angry she couldn't raise her child. There's also this creepy overtone of "The Doctor can't see you ageing because then he'll get bored of you" considering she was raised to have her whole selfhood revolve around him throughout her entire childhood

the final thing about River Song is that she was held in a top-security prison for awhile because she did end up killing the Doctor due to being "programmed" to, but the Doctor knows ahead of time that this will happen and so manages to change things so he doesn't die

SO that is River Song's arc in s5+6. now let's completely avoid it -- it's surprisingly easy:

s5

ep 1. The Eleventh Hour (introduction episode)

ep 2. The Beast Below

[then come episodes Time Of Angels + Flesh & Stone. a double episode in which Amy meets the Angels and also River Song. the important thing here is that the main "mystery" are cracks in space and time that erase you from having ever existed. the other important thing here is that at the end of the episode Amy is about to get married and kisses the Doctor/tries to sleep with him the night before her wedding, and the Doctor Very Much Does Not Want This, which leads into the next story-]

ep 5. The Vampires Of Venice

ep 6. Amy's Choice

[NOW WE ARRIVE AT THE FIRST SNAG -- if you want the rest of this season's mystery, you should simply watch the rest of the season. This will include River Song in the final two episodes being involved in that mystery, but if you'd rather jump to where I personally think things get interesting again, or gauge if you're up for it, here's the short rundown of salient points:

Rory is swallowed by the cracks in time and Amy forgets his existence (but the Doctor doesn't)

Rory is brought back as an auton/living plastic out of Amy's subconscious memory of him and accidentally shoots Amy due to programming while they're in Roman-era Britain

Amy is then put into a stasis chamber for 2000 years until she can be brought back out and revived using modern technology, and auton-Rory guards that stasis chamber for 2000 years

the cracks in time came from the Tardis exploding, which is making the universe implode, but they fix that

the Doctor closes the cracks in space/time and everything is reset, including Amy's parents returning from non-existence, and Amy and Rory get married -- to be clear, we never see Amy's parents again, nor are they mentioned in the future, so this catharsis is kind of irrelevant

There is a very famous episode in this called "Vincent and the Doctor." it's about Vincent van Gogh. the only thing you need to know going in is that during this point in the timeline Amy doesn't know that Rory used to exist, otherwise it's a solid standalone episode]

S6

ep 3. The Curse Of The Black Spot (to note, I always think this episode makes more sense directly after Amy's Choice as a "they're not married yet, but they're solving their relationship issues now," because s5 never has them adequately deal with their relationship issues, but s6 is solid on that front, but that's just me)

ep 4. The Doctor's Wife

ep 9. Night Terrors (to note, this episode takes place right after they discover that River is their daughter who was stolen from them. notice how this just... never comes up)

ep 10. The Girl Who Waited

ep 11. The God Complex (to note, this is the perfect final episode for the Ponds, but I will rec two more that come next season)

Season six can genuinely just be watched as these five episodes and it's quite an enjoyable season. The only thing that hints properly at a connective tissue related to River Song is that Amy in the first two both is-and-isn't-pregnant (because Amy is a flesh-double in the first two episodes) according to the Tardis scanner, and she sometimes sees a mysterious woman with an eye-patch. this is her briefly slightly waking up while captured

neither of these are relevant to the episodes they appear in

s7

QUICK NOTE: in the first episode of this season the Doctor discovers a strange woman who has been turned into a Dalek, called Oswin. He never sees the face of this woman, but we do, and it's someone who returns again in another lifetime, under the name of "Clara Oswald" -- I do not recommend this first episode, it is Very Very bad)

4. The Power Of Three (to note, this could form a good coda for the Pond narrative and it's a fun episode, but it's not necessary to end their story if you're happy with The God Complex finishing things)

[you can watch episode 5 "The Angels Take Manhatten" if you want (I mean, you can watch anything you want). it's the official canon departure of the Ponds. it's not great, but it's not the worst episode. River Song is there, but it's not so egregious in terms of writing. if you don't want to watch it: they go back in time, there are angels, they send Rory and Amy back in time and the Doctor can't follow them there because of squiggly wuiggly logic, and so they are left to "live to death" -- Amy writes the Doctor a goodbye note in which she says she and Rory have had a very happy life together]

we have now gone past the River Song narrative for the most part, although she turns up in a genuinely not bad cameo in the s7 finale that interacts a little bit with the library episode -- do note that at this point she and the Doctor are *sigh* married I guess. I have mixed feelings about the s7 finale episodes, but it's not because of her character, and I think the latter half of s7 is worth watching for you to form your own opinion of all of it

She appears again in the Christmas special of s9, which I quite enjoyed. I think also Alex Kingston has way better chemistry with Capaldi, and I sometimes think the show knew this too, because they literally at one point had her describing Eleven/Matt Smith as looking like a 14 yr old, which is... such an odd way to describe the seeming "love of your life" or whatever

so that's it for River Song. Hope this all made sense, let me know if you have any other questions

I have a separate list I'm developing like this for Clara's era, but she might be more your cup of tea, so I'll let you engage with her for yourself to gauge. Can always reach out if you're not quite vibing with her, or if you really really are, I'd love to know your thoughts!