#and i need to sit gin down and be like de-brainwash-101

[solsticelosthermind]

Rather than spam the shit out of tumblr, I made my way through this with an open document as a screaming buddy and y'all can have uhhh 6.5k of sobbing under the cut about volume one as a treat while I try to find the text limit on a post I guess.

So like. Here be spoilers. blame @spliqi.

Why is the art so fucking pretty though. Like. look at him. He's gorgeous. There's so much visibly wrong with him. How does he look both more unhinged and softer than the canon version. I love him so much.

The purple eyes and the wings are going to fucking kill me and this is the cover—

What do you mean the first thing we see upon opening the book is akutagawa with white dove's wings and blood over his heart and on the edge of his mouth and Atsushi behind him with a black bird splaying its wing over his shoulder? The pastel purple highlighting is going to make me bite things especially since the page beside it has a much darker violent purple. I have not even read this page. This does not bode well for me.

HE FUCKING SUICIDE MISSIONED THIS??? Why is the bruised purple moon screwing me up. FULLY thought he went in with 'they're all dead' but like "WE're all dead" is?? Oh my god. I cannot ramble for every single thought i will take a week to make it through one fucking book that way but the temptation is there because what do you mean he didn't intend to come back?? Everyone is dead but GIN ISNT?!

Oh my god why is chuuya so fucking pretty all the time. The red on dazai. Their nearly-matching eyes but the expression on Chuuya's face??? Is?? He wants to bite things. Atsushi is beautiful?? His fucking eyes are straight up gold?? Why did i think that was fanfic-only. his eyes are gold. Visual Continuity and all but why are his bangs like that if he's been out of the orphanage and around both chuuya and kouyou for several years. Is he cutting them with his claws.

Disassociation King Akutagawa. But also can I just— "being beaten by adults" is so?? If he's been wrecking havoc in the slums with Rashomon enough to supposedly draw dazai's attention than who the fuck is landing a hit on this kid. Or like, was it just that he's untrained and reactive and his collateral is probably insane because untrained and reactive. Y'all. I'm supposed to believe this kid is violence inherent when he's got an ability that can eat people and he's getting the shit kicked out of him??

Why are the other kids being a dick to the one guy trying to keep them safe actually. I'm calling bullshit man, if akutagawa's the sole protector then like, they'd be treating him like the sheep did chuuya. Uh. Before the whole murder attempt. They need him.

This is why I can't liveblog on tumblr yall would've drawn and quartered me by now for spamming

Fully believed that dog was drinking from the juice box and had to zoom in.

…"let's all buy steamed sweet potatoes!" immediately gets jumped goddamnit I would murder for these kids and they've been on the page for .5 seconds. Akutagawa showing up like that?? Baby. Baby boy. Perfect angel.

They're starving homeless kids and I'm failing to see where I'm supposed to think literally anything Akutagawa does is like, too much of a reaction. God he's so pretty.

"Akutagawa-san!" THOSE ARE HIS KIDS MOTHERFUCKER look at him standing right in front of them!! One slice; economical. He made his point and HE COULD HAVE just killed the guy but he didn't. Y'all. I love him.

"Okay," he says while squatting down to give the hurt kid a piggy back, "let's go home." Im fucking squealing. If this kid had been given even a fucking OUNCE of a chance he'd be the sweetest fucking man alive. He cares so much fuck yoooou and your heartless cur nonsense. He's the one who patched them up too becuase I said so

Why is he sitting perched on the desk staring out the window like a fucking owl. He's ridiculous. This boy literally never had two seconds to put his guard down. What if i cry.

The mom in me is going insane i need everyone to know this. I know whats coming for these kids but they're mine now. The little guy going heehehehee? Adopted

I can't get over Akutagawa on the DESK you fucking gargoyle

Oh fuck that's how they get caught up in the mafia nonsense?? Listen if your mobsters are so bad at being mobsters they just fucking DROP DIAMONDS near homeless orphans like, take the loss. You're an idiot. This should not have made me laugh. Akutagawa just fucking stabs it out of the kids hand. But also the way they treat akutagawa is killing me. He's literally oda.

THE PANEL WITH AKUTGAWA BEFORE THE MOON IM DYING I NEED IT ON MY EYELIDS. How does this kid know rashomon can't cut a diamond. Also. why can't rashomon cut a diamond if it cuts everything else. Don't give me only a diamond can cut a diamond when that ability cuts space. (Things to file under 'he's untrained i guess?? Street rat too busy trying to keep a bunch of babies alive to put a lot of thought into expanding the use of the creature in his shirt. Priorities.)

Oh gin. My lovely wonderful amazing gin who makes no sense to me in this verse so im preemptively blaming dazai. Smartest one there, immediately clocks the problem, and akutagawa instantly attempts to do damage control. How IS THIS A KID WHO WAS TOO WILD AND SELFISH TO LOVE HUH

Aw fuck the headshot's done so well I hate it my whole heart just dropped and I knew this was coming—

that kid was like maybe ten, at best. Fuck

AKUTAGAWA's FUCKING EYE. Oh he's so panicked. Also why do they continually give him the most insane eyelashes. I approve of the eyelashes. Can we stay here with the eyelashes and not make me read the part where they riddle a bunch of starving babies with holes. No? Fine. deep breath

This is so silly. Why are you idiots so happy to murder infants. You could've brought them in and groomed them into little mafia monsters or whatever but nah, you're republicans like, murder is fun and free. How is this kid begging for help with a hole between his eyes. I am talking so much shit becuase I saw akutagawa's face and im going to fucking CRY

Actually can we talk about this real quick. The narrative in canon is all, "he's always been like this," when like. Clearly he hasn't. There's NO coherent reaction here. He's losing his shit, he doesn't know what to do, they're all falling and bleeding and dying at his feet and he's just screaming their names, he reaches for one of them because he doesnt know whaat to DO, RASHOMON DOES NOT ONCE MAKE AN APPEARANCE. HIS INSTINCT WAS TO GO TO THEM PHYSICALLY. HE DIDNT FUCKING CALL RASHOMON. Unless the darkened sleeve counts but that's not lashing out, it's not reacting, it's armoring one sleeve probably unconsciously. Like?? His reaction was to go to them. I'm going to die.

And it's gin? It's gin who thinks past it. It's gin who stops him from grabbing that one kid, it's gin who pulls him out with her and gin saves him but he couldn't save anyone. Even himself. Oh fuck he's hit? Ohmy fucking fuck asldkfjsa;gDid gin get fucking shot or is that from the GLASS SHE THREW THEM OUT OF. Why do we keep throwing gin out windows. Stop it.

He's so upset. Gin's so upset. They're so fucking young. they're so young.

"I'm not going to win," he says, he's going to go make them pay, because what's the point in the guard dog living if his charges are gone. Right. Im cool. So cool. Not a mess. Gin's face has me tearing up

Hi. "The realm of death would have felt better than this." So. Okay. He's literally like, crazy with grief right now. Holding the kid who froze to death?? I need 50x blankets, some stuffies and like, a cocoa to pretend I'm fine right now

IF THAT WAS LIFE THAN THIS IS VENGEANCE. Okay but like. Grief feels like that kinda. A punishment for having loved. For having, in his case, failed. He's trying to hurt himself while hurting those that took his kids. I already need therapy who let me read this.

HE HURTS HIMSELF MORE TO BE ABLE TO GET CLOSER. I feel like cheering isn't what I'm meant to do here but. Y'know. My boy's sharp. Hell yeah.

Wait wait wait wait are the guys who killed them not port mafia?? They're MEETING portmafia? Presumably dazai. The fuck. Also deeply funny in a very not funny way that aku came up with this so quick and it's WORKING because he KNOWS PEOPLE LIKE THIS but also really just reinforces for me how using rashomon to kill isn't his first instinct because like. He's standing in the middle of them. They'd be dead by now if it was.

HE USES RASHOMON LIKE A FUCKING KNIFE oh oh oh my god he has to be up cLOSE he doesn't know how to make it go too far?? Screaming he took this fuckers HEAD CLEAN OFF. Fuck off im so proud right now actually something something he's usually presented in such a way where I feel like I'm supposed to think he's stupid but? I do not. He is not stupid. He's just. Y'know. Tunnel vision baby.

But also of COURSE he is that is how you stay not dead

Oh my god the—the latching onto the second guy and SPIKE EXPLOSION?? Insane. Absolutely living for the way he's drawn here. Rashomon coming off his arms like that is so pretty. That's an extension of himself!! This kid is moving so fast. The fuck do you mean he cut the third guy's feet off. There are no rules but also this is making me remember some godawful horror movie my sister made me watch that boiled down to rich people paying to be able to murder other people and one guy was being eaten alive and someone else had his Achilles slit and tried to run and oh guess what i still hate it so much but akutagawa's face makes it worth it

how many villains souls should I drag with me to hell I am fully not seeing where I should not be on this kid's side y'all. Dazai explain your bullshit to me. You can't because your reasons are just oda and oda would be livid with you on all fronts this boy is a protector fight me

where the fuck did this kid get multiple grenades

The single eye ball. "Is he trying to die." "Doesn't he value his own life" Bsd is a comedy. He's literally slaughtering you and making it look easy because you fucking killed all of his kids

I WAS IN THE PROCESS OF TEACHING THE VALUE OF A LIFE TO YOU he says. The value of the lives they TOOK im insane He's not even trying to dodge any of these bullets this kid is literally letting them riddle him full of holes because then it'll be over but he's taking them all with him. Right. Okay. Im not okay.

But also this little image of him with his arms thrown out and Rashomon trailing from them and also from his sides so he looks like a six legged spider?? He's a bug in every universe.

He could've used rashomon just there. He's so angry and so hurt and so fucked up he ripped the guy's throat out with his teeth. Do you know how much pressure that takes. Human teeth are bad at this.

This boy never once saw himself as human. That's. That's what this is. He had a single purpose; he failed it. He's seeking his own punishment alongside serving theirs.

It's been years since the last time i had fresh meat. I don't know what the fuck i thought that was part of but i did not think it was this. 100000/10 A+ unhinged little gremlin boy here to ensure he haunts them even in death.

There are 2k words in this doc and im only on page 40/192. Fuck. How does this kid live he's been shot like a thousand times and he's not even flinching because who fucking CARES right?? He has a job to do.

I lied he fell over. NOT liking the way he lays there exactly like he does when he dies for atsushi. Nope. No. Stop it.

This last guy's like. Having a breakdown. And it's funny. Are you telling me akutagawa fell over and either A) played dead to get this idiot to come closer and it worked or B) passed the fuck out frmo blood loss and this guy was like HA FUCK YOU and decided to KICK HIM rather than shoot him in the head to make sure the demon boy was really dead. Like. You deserved this, my guy. You literally did this to yourself. Twice.

I don't even care I'm fully here for blood soaked and unhinged tiny akutagawa

Why did you turn him into sushi, though. Did you just pick up his faCE to make sure he's dead when he's in fifty million pieces.

Not aku realizing he could've done that without getting himself killed fuck

Dazai's here and im angry already. "Under your own free will," rather than a "product of your environment" bro. Bro. Bro do you know what you do to atsushi. Because it's remove free will and force him to react as a product of the environment you create for him. Shut the fuck up.

"Do you want to kill me? You're so stupid," says the guy who just watched some kid try to avenge his friends deaths rather than stop it at any point in time because like. He could've. "Haha you're so violent," says the guy who goes on to torment atsushi into literally eating people in this verse knowing full well he torments akutagawa into whatever the fuck is wrong with him in canon.

"Dying for revenge," dazai says like he's not using this whole universe as some weird revenge against the universe where oda dies

Okay I will grant him the ONE (1) point that it leaves gin alone if he dies.

I'm going to counter it with why the fuck doesn't gin give a shit that their whole family just got slaughtered. Why is GIN so aloof from all this. Why is gin only interacting with akutagawa. What did you say to gin before all this started dazai, huh? What prophecy did you whisper in that kid's ear that you helped make manifest to get her to LEAVE HER BROTHER BEHIND when that is ALL SHE EVER HAD and clearly ALL SHE EVER CARED ABOUT

Absolutely not taking anything dazai says here seriously. This is nonsense to me. Gin's as safer in the city while akutagawa dealt with this. Should he have made an effort to not get dead to get back to her because she's not dead and she needs him? Yeah probably. Does it make complete sense to me why he did what he did? Crystal clear. Can those things coexist? YES.

I don't care y'all, gin should've followed his stupid ass and told him they'll do it together because she needs him alive but also those guys like. Should die about it. So. Unpopular opinion probably. But what the fuck gin

OH MY GOD RASHOMON GOES FUCKING HAM WHEN HE THINKS GINS BEING THREATENED this is literally proving my point this boy loves gin so much? He's yknow a deeply traumatized 14 year old who made a stupid fucking call in the heat of WATCHING EVERYONE DIE?? But the SECOND he things it's GIN they're after he gets MORE VIOLENT than he was two seconds ago

Fuuuuck you dazai and your holier than thou whatever this is bullshit. You make no sense to me unless you literally expect this kid to be able to be fully emotionless like you thought he was and HE NEVER WAS because he's not you! And you're so emotional you're flipping the whole world around for oda! So like! You're failing your own ideals you bitch

WHEN YOU REALIZE YOUR WEAKNESS COME FIND ME he says. And then he kidnaps gin. I dont care that she thinks shes going willingly. That's—-that reeks of set up and we don't see how he gets her to leave akutagawa behind, but it's not hard to imagine he fed her some shit about aku being fucked up and that's why she is the way she is now becuase like SHE WAS NOT LIKE THAT BEFORE. He literally kidnapped her and left aku to die of a million bullets. (Seriously how is he not dead) what the fuck is the weakness? CARING about people?? Not meticulously planning out his revenge arc first???

I would like to curb stomp this dazai actually

The sheer agony in how akutagawa hates himself so fully but he's too weak and hurt to go find gin but she NEEDS him and im UNWELL

4.5 years pass?? How wierd is the timeline here? Is he almost 19 and thus atsushi is 16-17? Or like. Are they older when this happened to keep them the same ages? Is it backward for no reason and atsushi's 20 while akutagawa's 18? We have no idea do we

He's eating weeds beside the river, alone, and day dreaming about soup. This is the violent wild animal you ditched dazai?

How many bullets are still in this kid. Can he walk through metal detectors do you think. Is he mostly scar tissue now. How is he nOT DEAD

Fuck i hit 3k. Im on page 54. Kill me. Im so MAD. HOW DOES GIN GO FROM THROWING THEM OUT A WINDOW TO LEAVING HIM TO DIE BECAUSE SOME FUCKING ONE EYED TWINK SAID SO

Listen I was a stupid kid who lashed out physically more than once but there is very little that would've made me worse than someone telling me some shit like ditch your shitty sibling. And I have never even liked my siblings. #firstborn solidarity i guess.

Not until I SAVE MY SISTER. Exactly. Also the way he perks up at the mugwort. Why is he so cute. How does he know what mugwort is, who taught him herbs. I'm headcanoning the got picked up by a hedgewitch post shootout and that's how he didn't die and also how he learned herbs and why he likes growing things, That's the dead woman's coat he stole. Boom. I'm so full of shit someone tell me why he is like this

Okay but. Does anyone else feel like Dazai and that whole thing really just reinforced this behavior, he strikes first and asks never with oda. The BAGS under his eyes

Also. Hi. Hello. Oda.just. Insert incoherent gesture here. oda.

Oda who fucking punches him in the gut again and when the winds knocked out of him just scoops him up. He's so tiny, he is SO TINY. How tall is oda, is Aku efen more of a rail here than in canon, I'm dying why is he so small.

Can I also just say. That it is. Extremely. Attractive. How oda just goes, well, Is anyone gonna claim the feral weed eating kid and then does n o t wait for an answer, this is his feral weirdo now thanks. Matches Akutagawa's weird so easily. Unflappable. I love him. These two just blink at each other and probably have entire conversations that way.

Stop drawing Akutagawa so pretty. Stop it. Do not ever stop. This is really reinforcing that one joke I made ages ago about how canon Atsushi jsut blurts pretty the second he sees beast Aku and canon Aku is like the FUCK?? While beast Aku is ?? And beast Atushi straight up laughs in his face and Atushi debates walking off a cliff about it. I'm right.

Why is he covered in blood on the next page. Why does that not detract from the pretty.

Flash to oda's death. Also some nonsense. People live to save themselves. squints Dazai internalized that in the stupidest way possible didnt he. Wait does Dazai have the bandage on the opposite side???? Bitch why are you dreaming about oda he would be so mad at you I'm so serious please tell me I get oda yelling at him at some point I know he tries to talk to him eventually.

I love the mafia windows though. Those rooms must be hell to keep cool in the summer lmao

Aku where did you get a whole new fit. Did the ada give you these clothes like Atsushi's stuff. He's just staring out the window watching the sun rise, I could cry, this boy has never been safe enough to sleep.

He doesn't know how phones work. I said this to roadtripwithlucifer and I'll say it again but like HOW DOES NO ONE CLOCK THAT THE STREET RAT HAS A STREET RAT EDUCATION which means NONE. He knows Jack shit! This boy probably cannot read or write and has never in his life held a phone what IS THIS

I've never lived in such luxury he says about an empty room and oda's like visible confusion? street rat you found him eating WEEDS come ON

Ugh an entry exam right off the bat, I know I'm in the minority but the whole concept bothers me so much. "Prove to us you're a good person," or whatever when a) all of them are gray as fuck and b) reactions are impossible to predict, hinge heavily on the life you've lived and just how the squishy thing in your skull interprets electrical signals. Oh also, you can,,, train them. Did Kunikida have to monologue about his ideals during his entrance exam before he made a choice, because I would not be surprised .

Which really is jsut a rant because full offense there's a nonzero chance I would have been like…. no. Oda was vague as fuck and I don't even know what he wanted but I'm here and now you're being weird as hell too and like, I don't trust y'all so I'm out lmfao

Oh my god, Aku just barges in I'm wheezing kuni is like ?? That's a new one is he stupid. No. I mean kinda, but no, he just,,, doesn't have a reason not to.

WHEEZING TANIZAKI FREEZES HES SO CONFUSED bc Aku walks right up I'm dying everyone is like this guy's nuts which is nice actually bc I felt like everyone was kind of making fun of Atsushi for having a very reasonable breakdown

Meanwhile Aku's like. Try me. Dead faced. I'm in love. But also it makes sense because he knows he can handle it!! And like who gives a shit if he can't, all that'll happen is he dies and some jackass with him lmao Depressionnnn but also. He's not WRONG

Oh shit Tanizaki nearly died. Whoops. THATS WHY YOU DONT PLAY THIS GAME WITHOUT PRIOR IDEA OF HOW SOMEONE MIGHT REACT JFC. Akutagawa's squinting at everyone and wondering why they're insane which is so funny to me since they're so sure he's mental, like, y'all. No im still siding with him tbh

Her brother, Aku says with wide sad eyes. He's tracking nothing else. But also the 'you made those last night' had me cackling ngl

SITTING AT THE TABLE. This is so funny to me. Resting bitch face of all time, he's just vibing. However this implied other folks tend to be pissed post exam and like, yeah. Yeah I hope so. That's fucked.

HE WAS ONLY UPSET BC HE THOUGHT TANIZAKI WAS ROUGHT ON NAOMI I love him he's so silly the second she's like no it's fine he's like oh cool AND THEN IT PROVES HE WAS JUST VIBING BT SHOWING HIS FACE NEVER CHANGED AHAHAHAA I'm squishing him. Cackling what do you mean kuni was like he's mad at YOU so I don't care aodfjngsodjfg. Tanizaki is handling this so bad it's great. Wait he calls him -San? So he's? Older? The timeline is going to bother me forever

"I don't have likes or dislikes," names things he likes and dislikes. TANIZAKI HOW DO YOU KEEP MAKING THIS WORSE

Okay I'm annoyed actually. The waitress slips, akutagawa calmly scoops her up AND all the things she was carrying and asks if they're all okay and you're telling me kuni nearly pulled a gun and started thinking about bloodlust when there was literally zero of that happening. If anything THIS was a better clue of who he is as a person than the fake bomber and kuni's all ohhh he's so VIOLENT. I'm like? Am I reading the story I'm supposed to be reading?? WHAT about this was violent. He showed great control and reflexes and care for the waitress and the ada members, fight me. His drive for justice is heavily skewed because of the life he's lived. Like. He HAS one it's just not for police-justice because that doesn't exist in the FUCKING STREETS

Why does fukuzawa look so sad here who hurt him

Why does the ada treat prospective hires like they must be executed for failing

Wait no this means atsushi's showing up soon. I'm going to go do literally anything else because seeing im is going To Make Me cry

…and im back bc roadtripwithlucifer gave me sad eyes. Why do all of you want me to cry.

Two guys just had their heads blown off and i am so tempted to insert another image into this shitshow because there's a tiny little guy in the back going 😮 and its taking me OUT

"Stop firing," because your aim sucks, "switch to armor piercing," how is that going to help the shitty aiming though

HOLY SHIT. H O L Y S H I T. Holy FUCKING FUCK?? The tiger?? Oh my god. Okay. Well. That guy's. Very dead. But also. The TIGER LOOKS SO GOOD shut up im ignoring that he's eating people it's fine it's not fine oh my god he bit the fucking head off??

No im back on but how did they draw the tiger so good actually. Because like. That's not a Tiger. That's a beast currently wearing the form of a tiger and i can't quite pin down WHAT it is that makes it look that way. Maybe the weird angles and the eye-glint. How did that big fucking cat just disappear. Every single person in this room just pissed themselves. Am definitely not meant to be delighted but I am.

Oh. Ohhh the guy yelling ordersss and then it pulls back to show he's alone because atsushi already got everyone else. Holy fuck. Chills

CAN ATSUSHI SPEAK AS THE TIGER IN THIS. IS THAT WHAT IM FUCKING SEEING. ATSUSHI CAN S P E A K AS THE TIGER?! Oh. Ooooh. That's. Oh fuck me. Why isn't that everywhere. Wait no the guy gets his light up and it's human atsushi!! The phantom of the tiger is what he was seeingggggggg bc he COUDLNT SEE HIM IN THE DARK. Oh my god. The legend literally preceding him. That was SO well done actually!!! Screaming!!! He lets the last one see him coming,,, i'm drawing so many parallels to tiny akutagawa in my head right now. Atsushi's so SMALL in that coat. Half-lidded eyes, exhausted, dead-eyed. The running eyeliner?? Was a CHOICE. Grabby hands why is he wearing eyeliner and can we get canon atsushi to try it out please. He's so fucked UP and I am WEEPY

The weepy is worse now. Pg108, okay, atsushi's shadow. That's— that's akutagawa's canon silhouette. Hands in pockets, high collar, fluffy hair.

That's. The ghost that should be in this position. Okay. Fuck me sideways

Atsushi why are your bangs still like this. Am i focusing on that so I don't focus on his eyes? Yes. Yes i am.

SCREAMING SCREAMING SCREAMING okay OKAY. TWO FINGERS. He uses two fingernails, barely touching, to tear the man's throat out. Breathing into a PAPER BAG. The precision, the knowledge, the way this has been beaten into him because LOOK AT HIS FACE he's so fucking disassociated oh my fucking god. Dazai's perfect little assassin indeed. And to get it he only had to break him no biggie, definitely better than akutagawa right. (Literally never letting this go what the fuck was that whole spiel EVEN supposed to mEAN. You did the same thing to both boys! You made yourself their whole purpose!!CHEWING ON THE WALLS)

..every single day someone's trying to murder dazai? How bad of a boss is he honestly because it seems like folk don't really try to go after mori that often but EVERY DAY someone's after dazai?? Dazai what are you DOING in those towers

Okay so did he not cut his throat. Did he just dramatically nick him.

"He was death itself gently descending…" gently??? Also look more dehumanization of sskk by literally everyone

Im so sorry but Bad Guy went HEH WE HAVE BOMBS and im laughing

Im laughing not at all now that atsushi's holding himself and talking about how he's afraid of pain and being hurt and death, and how death can't find him if he is death, and he's standing there so small and hunched into himself with eyes that have seen far too much and cry more often than they're dry.

contrasted directly with his eyes on the next page, where the smudges resemble tiger stripes, and he's not small and sad anymore, he's a predator

Can i kill him? KYOKA????? Oh my fucking god KYOKA?! IT IS KYOUKA SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP oh my go shes so fucking young. She looks like a ghost. This man is fully losing control of his bowels

THE BOSS SAID LET ONE LIVE. but he almost hurt you im. I can't. I CANNOT. Dying over the guy being like oh my god its the girl who killed 35 people!! Like my guy i think there are more than that dead literally right next to you. But MORE IMPORTANTLY

Atsushi standing beside kyouka. They're both so hollowed out. They're both so wrong. They're so young and i keep saying that and I WILL keep saying that they're babies THEY LOOK LIKE THEY RAN OUT OF TEARS but they stand so close because everything's terrible. What the FUCK

"She did betray the mafia," "I came back for him," what if I walk off a cliff. Kyouka baby. Ohhh im gonna cry, that's the only panel so far where atsushi's eyes are clear and there's no streaks beneath them. I CAME BACK FOR ATSUSHI and atsushi's eyes are BRIGHT and pretty. How is this allowed.

…only to have atsushi be drawn with a skull for a face right after. I am a MESS. What the fCUK the wing is back angel of death etc etc he's so fucking scared all the time

Why are you giving your name up so easy. Do you not even have a connection to it anymore? Have you divorced yourself from the idea of being human so much that the name is jibberish?

Seriously though i went back and I still wanna know why we get the throat pinch and then a dramatic dark line. Wait no im dumb it's probably motion blur of him removing his hand as another 'I could've taken your throat' skldjfagh

Fuck you he was the goddamn tiger. The fucking COLLAR.

The way Atushi's eyes go to pinpricks when hirostu shows up. Crying. But also tachiharaaaa!! KYOUKA AND HIROTSU TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF ATSUSHI and atsushi's not letting themmmm because what if dazai has more for him to do which makes me think of canon aku snapping open the phone to be like what's next and thanks!! I hate it!! "I'll never betray his orders he saved me" NO WRONG but also!! How is 'take five to stop bleeding' BETRAYING ORDERS ATSUSHI

Dazai what the FUCK did you DO

Oh my god the whiplash of going back to oda Jesus Christ. But also oda beloved by the elderly? Adorable. I just yknow. Still caught on the fucking pit of despair atsushi's in

…no one can make sense of oda's expression. No one can make sense of akutagawa's expression. They're sitting there like two peas in a very autistic pod I love them

"You been eating good," okay how long has he been hanging in the dorm. Like. A day.

squints aku what stupid shit are you thinking that oda's premonition is you cutting his head off. I can't take this seriously. He's. He's still bowing. And trying to stab oda. Just? To see if he can?? What?? Cackling. Having the time of my life. Oda's playing. Barely even moving. Kuni's losing his shit. Tanizaki probably threw himself out the window.akutagawa you're ridiculous you LIKE the cafe you could've waited until you were NOT IN the CAFE with NICE FOOD.

Anyway oda+aku perfect comedy duo

'When i picked him up we were attacked," wait what. Or do you mean when HE attacked. Wheezing. What.

Akutagawa looking so serene, "i am very lucky," while literally trying to take oda's head off and being stopped by a SPOON. This is wonderful I'm staying in this scene because it's silly

LIFE WOULD BE EAISER IF MY FOES WERE ALL IN TRAINING ROOMS. Im keeping him in my POCKET

Kuni's having a stroke, meanwhile oda's calmly like I picked up this insane kid because he wants to kill a couple people i want this scene from tanizaki's pov it woud just be screaming

"let's go introduce him to ranpo!" Ranpo's going to be a brat

Kunikida: are you forgetting something

The cafe: trashed

Im going to lose my mind

Yeah. Yep. Called it. Moment of levity before we're back in port mafia torment nexus with atsushi.

Chuuya. Oh. Nope, don't like that at all. Dazai sitting there smiling like that makes my stomach roil honestly. He knows how fucked everything is. Most insane man in the universe.

Christ he really did make chuuya into his dog here didn't he. Do NOT like chuuya snapping at atsushi one biiiit.

His head is mine to take, chuuya says right after snarling and nearly flattening atsushi for getting too close. Right. Okay. Skk is the extra fucked up flavor of sskk in here. Like. Canonically. This is a real thing. What the fuck am i reading.

Oh the tiny smile when atsushi reports he did so good at murder. He did his job like a good boy. Im going to be ill.

Oh fuck ME he drops aku's name?like atsushi should know it. And when atsushi's like ?? He brushes it off. I am SICKKK.

Slit pupil atsushi—

LIKE A CALM LAKE he says IVE NEVER FALTERED SINCE THAT TIME. He's trying to reassure dazai he's being GOOD and Dazai immediately triggers him. Wow. Okay. Okay. I knew he was conditioned but like this is brutal. Akutagawa retained some semblance of self; he snaps and snarls and argues even while desperate for dazai's gold star. But atsushi… atsushi's lost entirely.

GIN. Fuck does SHE KNOW what this ass wants with her brother?? Does she think he's HELPING somehow? Gin i know you've been like brainwashed to hell and back but Christ girl atsushi is having a breakdown at your feet and im not sure how you see your brother as the bad guy

Especially since we cut to that brother attempting to put together a window he broke while looking like he's got cotton between his ears. Tiniest little silly goose of a man. Two toothpicks wide.