#and i once again have to decide if it's worth the embarrassment/inconvenience to literally everybody including myself to quit

[ikyw-t]

does anyone here have any wisdom on knowing when it's time to quit a job? I've been working for a nonprofit research company and my job is to go to people's houses to try to get them to participate in this national research project. which i do actually believe in and I think people should participate and it's important work and everything and my manager/everyone at the company is actually very nice and want to see me succeed and are generally very nice and helpful

but my job is basically just me driving around in my car all day, knocking on doors, and i actually love talking to people but most people don't even open up so in reality it's just me in my car for multiple hours at a time not talking to anybody. and this is a temporary that goes until late dec/ early jan so it's not even that long and i wanted to try doing something new and I believe in the mission but i just don't like actually doing the job :/// and it feels stupid to quit bc it's already temporary anyway, and also im only 1 of 2 people that are working in my state so :// but also i feel like I'm not even doing a very good job like ive gotten 3 people to register for the program in the past two weeks and i feel like if I'm not even enthusiastic about it then the people who's door I'm at can probably tell and so I kinda feel like I'm wasting everyone's time :////

i wanted to do this job bc i was thinking i would get to talk to more people but as it is i just feel lonely in my car all day and im not even getting any results and I kinda feel like I'm just wasting the nonprofit's time and money but if i quit there won't be a lot of time for them to rehire/retrain someone to work in this state so.... Idk does anyone have any thoughts about this bc i feel kinda ://///////

[forcedapotheosis-blog]

Gloomy Days III.1

Alright, I was finally able to write the first part of the third chapter and decided to share it with you instead of releasing all of it at once. As I’ve said in the last chapter, the next ones are going to be all about the crew, starting with “The King Without A Crown” and I really hope that you’ll like it. Another thing I think needs a few words here is the fact that I felt compelled to use a deus ex machina, even though I try to limit his actual impact on the story. The thing is just that for a few days now, I thought about a way to start the ball rolling but wasn’t satisfied with anything I came up with. But when I was thinking about all the adventures the SHs had, it was pretty clear to me that they were as lucky as it gets most of the time, I’d even say favoured by fortune. Well, one thing led to another and a deus ex machine OC was born. I really hope that you don’t mind too much. Have fun!

The King Without A Crown

I'm tired of running, I'm tired of who I am

I've been absolved from this prison which I stand

I pray for freedom from everything I see

Somebody please set me free

Riot – The Man

Waiting had become an essential part of his life and no matter what he did, there was no escaping it.  The rather unremarkable young man with the short black hair and the clearly visible scar running parallel below his left eye had sought out the next best wall to lean against, arms crossed in front of his chest. During the last couple of minutes, a few of the other guests came by to greet him, but none of them seemed to be interested in conversation. One could have had the feeling that most of the guests only had found their way into these halls to attend not the wedding, but the wealthy, powerful and venerable family of the groom, but he really didn't waste a thought on that matter. He came because she requested it, because she had a task for him that would tear apart the ties of routine that were prevalent in his life nowadays, if only for a while. And last but not least, because it made his heart  dance to see all these beloved faces, to get in touch with them again, no matter how it hurt. Even though it felt like a lifetime ago, he still remembered vividly how these people used to enrich his life with all things one's heart could ever yearn for.

The past years had taken a heavy toll on him, that was undeniable, even for himself. Contrary to every single one of his old friends, sans maybe Zoro, he hadn't learned a trade before becoming a pirate, let alone gotten professionel education that he could use right now to keep him swimming. Mind you, he was a genius when it came to fighting and improvising, but being a part of the Navy really wasn't an alternative at all, even though his name was forgotten and his bounty erased, thanks to a certain old man who couldn't have been happier to hear that his grandson had finally buried the dream of being a pirate. The other side of that coin was that it lead him to lose each and every way of navigating his own life. No other member of his former crew was as dependent on purpose, again maybe sans Zoro, as he was. Without purpose, he felt just like a burden to the world and himself. Nowhere to go, nothing to fight for. And despite his usually friendly and cheerful exterior, he sometimes asked himself if life was even worth living without a purpose.

Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. But this was neither the time nor the place to make a decision such as that. He allowed himself a moment of leeway and closed his eyes, trying to recall how good life has been in the past, when they were still nakama. Still, he could clearly remember those times, but his heart grew heavier ever since. With their dreams buried, he had lost all direction in his life. Some of them, Chopper and Franky for example, had offered to stick together, only if even for a while, but with the death of one of their beloved friends, his soul was crushed. He disappointed all of them by not being able to protect a member of their crew. The last nail in the coffin was the very day they decided to let the Thousand Sunny sail on alone, a ghost ship. None of them felt worthy of being on board of her, because everybody felt that she was the only one never disappointing the crew and their collective dreams. I wonder how she's feeling these days, he pondered, fighting back a lonely tear. Eventually, he found a job that would at least keep him fed, working as a bouncer for ever changing drinking holes situated in various ports. But he was all the more surprised when he came to recognise that being sated alone wasn't as fulfilling as he remembered it to be.

His silent contemplation of the past was rather rudely interrupted by a conversation only a few meters from him, lead by a booming but cheerful voice.

"Well, my boy, you look rather young for being a part of the clergy! What happened to Father Logarius?", the loud voice demanded to know. Luffy finally opened his eyes and allowed himself to look at the people talking. Human interaction, especially friendly human interaction, seemed to be the only thing that kept him going during darker times. And that man, even if he was loud, seemed to be happy enough to spark his interest.

The first man he laid eyes upon was rather large and well-built, perfectly befitting his booming voice. Nonetheless, he had a friendly face that only got more round and friendly because of his receding hairline, perfectly supplemented with a broad smile. He somehow knew that this guy meant no harm, he was probably going to pass out later that day while trying to playfully flirt with one of the bridesmaids. For all of his life, he knew when people meant dangerous business, a pretty useful skill for a bouncer and even more so for a captain. Only decades later he learned that it had something to do with his then-dormant Observation Haki. But the only problems this man would probably cause were for the people trying to put his passed-out body in a bed.

"Unfortunately for us all, his ship was caught by a storm and carried off course, word is that it would take him the better part of next week to finally arrive. And wouldn't it be a pretty large inconvenience for the bride, the groom and their guests if they had to wait any longer?", that voice belonged to the second man he looked at. Soothing and quite deep, definitely a voice people liked to listen to. He wasn't nearly as tall as his conversational partner, probably around Luffy's height, and, apart from his shoulders, wasn't a broad guy to begin with. Probably around his mid-twenties. Still, there was something about him that seemed odd. For one, his hair was really long for a man and would've even been impractically long if he ever got into fights, even though he pulled them together in a simple ponytail that went over his hip. But his hair was the only uncommon sight about his appearance. His eyes were of a light brown and seemed kind and gentle to Luffy, his lips accustomed to a friendly but somehow knowing smile and there was a barely recognisable scar running right above his left eye. Well, and his chin was pretty prominent, but all in all nothing special. What's so strange about him then?, he silently asked himself and continued to watch these two.

And then it hit him like a brick. No matter how hard I try, I just can't get a grasp of him!, and indeed, even through the second sight of his Observation Haki, it was impossible to predict just about anything this man would do.

"Well, that's a damn shame, but I trust that you'll be perfectly able to perform the ceremony, aren't you?", he could hear the large man's voice again.

"Don't worry about a thing, sir. I've seen .. countless wedding ceremonies all over the world and know the words of every single one of them by heart.", he gave the other man a reassuring smile and loosened his ruby-coloured tie a bit. And even though Luffy was by now literally staring at him, he didn't seem to mind or to notice.

"That's good to hear, honestly. Meaning no offence, Father, but I just have to ask how a man of your young years has been travelling to so many places all over the world. Just seems odd to me."

"None taken, don't fret. As for your question, don't waste a thought on that. I'm just a little older than my apprearance might lead you to assume, but I probably have to thank my parents for that.", his smile widened a little, radiating self-confidence. And that seemed to be good enough for the other man, amicably patting his shoulder.

"Father, just .. I'm a little embarrassed, but I've just got to ask: I'm sure you've seen the raven-haired beauty that's going to be witness for Nami, right? A few minutes ago, she was in a conversation with an absolutely stunning woman, meaning no offence, Father, and no matter who I asked, nobody seemed to know her.  I .. what ..", and then there was a very confused pause.

"I .. I somehow can't seem to remember how she looked like. I mean, nothing. Not her hair, not the dress she wore. Oh dammit! Terribly sorry, father! Might just be that I'm slowly getting old. But! Yes, she wore a silver wristlet with a ruby embedded in it, the same colour as your tie. Do you have the slightest idea who she was or were I could find her?", Luffy put on a slight frown. Someone was talking to Robin? Probably just before she found me. Ya, that might be it., he just shrugged off the thought.

"I have to apologise, sir, but I can't remember laying mine eyes on a damsel such as you describe, I'm sure I'd remember that. But you shouldn't worry, maybe she's one of the guests and if that is the case, you'll probably see her again as soon as the ceremony starts. But I have to excuse myself for a moment, for I need to have a talk with the father of the bride. But if you'd like, we can continue our conversation after the ceremony.", he renewed his smile and both men shook hands. Luffy himself didn't even notice for the moment that the smaller man was talking about him, only when he approached did he remember.

"No hard feelings, good man, but you look a bit young to have a grown up daughter such as Miss Nami.", the man initiated, again with his soothing, friendly voice. Luffy made a try to laugh at the remark, but his heart wasn't into it. Mostly because of the words he spoke next.

"We're close friends, used to be even closer when we were still travelling together.", he tried shielding his feelings with his signature broad smile, but he couldn't help the sentiment that after all these years, he had finally met someone who was able to read people even better than he could. The man didn't seem to mind his attempt and continued to smile.

"It's very understandable that she'd ask you to lead her to the altar, then. Looking at you, though, I wouldn't mind if you'd perform the same service for my daughter. If I had one, I mean.", he said with a smirk.

"Thank you, I guess. But if the father is still somewhere to be found, why would you let me do it?", Luffy replied, weighing his head to the side. That guy was really strange, but he wasn't sure which way, good or bad.

"Oh, because I'd just be a father", he stopped for a second, laughing. "In two senses of the word, actually. But you, oh .. the longer I look at you, into your eyes, the posture of your body .. the more I see. Please, good man, just stop me if I'm being too intrusive, but you have the look of a man who has lost more than one could describe, more than most people possess in a lifetime. But even if you deny it now, there is still steel underneath. Determination that somehow keeps you going. And even if you try your best to absent from it, there .. is still hope. And every single little thing in this world is built on hope."

The former captain of the Straw Hats was at a loss for words and just stared at him "Are .. are you a  fortuneteller?!", he replied a few seconds later, regaining control over his tongue, still staring at the other man with awe. He let out a soft chuckle before he answered.

"I wish I was, it would make things so much easier. But no, I just .. see things, hear things and feel things, and maybe the future isn't as shrouded in myth to me as it is to you. But I feel compelled to tell you one more thing. When I look at you, I see a man who is amiss of something. Something very important, but still not totally devoid of hope. And one last thing .. no one here is, even if they think they are.", he paused for a long time, smiling, examining him.

"It's going to be cold and windy very soon. Maybe you should find something to cover your head.", and with those words, he just left to take his place at the altar.

For lack of a better word, Luffy was dumbfounded. He just stood there while his gaze followed the man he just talked to. How .. how is that possible? Maybe he lied and really is a fortuneteller? How could he know all those things? And still I can't get a grasp on him! His thoughts started to run over one another. Actually, the situation was kind of creepy. Was this guy a Navy soldier? He knew things that most people had already forgotten, sans the ones who's lives were directly touched by the crew. He didn't even notice that his jaw already touched the cold ground beneath his feet and only when some people stared at him with a shocked expression on their faces was it that he noticed.

But there was no time to think about that, he had a duty to fulfill. But there was this thought that crept inside of his mind that his duty was not give Nami into the care of another family.

"Captain-san?", the door of her room had opened and Nico Robin was approaching him, wearing a thin smile on her lips.

"I think our navigator-san is as ready as she can be to .. say the words. And you should .. oh, you look pale, captain-san. Could it be that you've seen a spirit of impending doom?"

"I don't know, but..", there was something a hell of a lot more important on his mind. Something that needed to be said, no matter how much it might hurt.

"Robin, I don't think that Nami belongs here."