#and i'm sorry lily is rachel 100%

[jemandtherobots]

books read in 2023, part 1 of 2

thought i might as well do a post like this for the first half of the year bcos a) i've read a lot so this post will be long and b) i already have to go back like "i have no memory of this place book" with half of these.

Andy Weir - The Martian

No memory of why I wanted to start the year with this but I guess it falls in the category of "cosy read" for me so.

Jean Kearns Miller (ed.) - Women From Another Planet? (finnish translation)

Found my way to the mental health shelf of the local library and picked up some autism books instead of whatever it was I was actually looking for; this was an interesting read of essays and conversations between autistic women.

Puhu hereille (finnish)

This is an anthology of poems and short prose written by people on the autism spectrum and I 100% recommend it, I'm a little sorry it's hidden away in non-fiction and not shelved as poetry or whatever, but I'm very happy I found it.

Henry Fry - First Time for Everything

On one hand it's giving girlboss but make it a gay man, on the other hand this is such a good exploration of internalised homophobia and queer community dynamics and all that good stuff so I can forgive the girlboss vibes.

Catherynne M Valente - Space Opera

I nearly gave up on this so many times. Look, I love Eurovision, I love space, I very thoroughly enjoyed reading Douglas Adams as a teenager, so this should have been perfect for me. Unfortunately it was an unreadable mess and I hated every second I spent reading it.

Stephanie Julian - Hard Lines & Goal Lines

It must be hard writing romance because you need some sort of reason the characters can't be together and happy right from the start, like you need a plot, but whatever's getting in their way needs to also be something they can overcome by the end of the book. So sometimes that obstacle ends up being basically nothing, as it is in this book.

Emma Puikkonen - Lupaus (finnish)

Really enjoyed reading this one, but it was also a confusing reading experience for me as someone with eco-anxiety and no parental instinct, because I still found myself relating more to the parenting stuff than the eco-anxiety stuff. Anyway would absolutely recommend.

Sanni Purhonen - Jos vain muuttuisin toiseksi (finnish)

This is a poetry collection about disability which I actually passed on before because the blurb on the back cover does this zero justice. Publishers: get your shit together 2k23. Everyone who speaks finnish: read this.

Erik J Brown - All That's Left in the World

Okay I fuckin love disaster fiction. This ticked all my boxes: disaster survival, gay, included a map.

Marian Keyes - Again, Rachel

I am a Marian Keyes girlie and I also read Rachel's Holiday years and years ago (fun fact: my copy of Rachel's Holiday has a cover with a woman holding a drink on it and quotes about what a fun light read it is which, uh, well), and so I obviously needed to know if my blorbo was okay. The worst part of this book was a few days after I finished it, someone close to me went into a treatment centre for addiction and when I visited them it took so much willpower not to be like "oh I recently read a book about that".

Andy Weir - Project Hail Mary

Thought I might read another Andy Weir to see if the rest of his stuff was as good; it was alright, but I am not the target audience Andy Weir is writing to and that's fine. In my notes, I wrote that this book felt like "Arrival for men" and I stand by it.

Lily Lindon - Double Booked

The first I ever heard about this was someone saying "despite the concept it is not biphobic" like yeah okay fair, but also this book feels like the dictionary definition of gay and somehow homophobic? I think a "woman discovers she's queer, gets sucked into a specific community of toxic queer stereotypes and finally learns to accept herself and her bisexuality" story would be really great if any of the characters were the slightest bit sympathetic. Unfortunately the stereotypes are never really interrogated in any way, there's never a "oh actually there's more to being queer than this one specific club/scene" moment, and everyone's just kind of a dick lol. The main character never really puts in the work, so her ending feels unearned.

Kait Nolan - Our Kind of Love

Gonna be honest, typing this into the list I fully could not remember what this book was but then I remembered, it was the one with a content warning at the start for cursing and pre-marital sex, which is a fair enough warning but not one I recall seeing before. It's a sweet book, I liked it, but some of the characters were pretty one-dimensional.

Becky Chambers - A Psalm for the Wild-Built

This was lovely but also felt really unsatisfying somehow? Anyway I will read anything Becky Chambers writes, so.

Pauliina Haasjoki - Himmeä sininen piste (finnish)

Essays on climate change, the environment, etc. I came away from this book with a lot of thoughts and with a long list of books and movies to get my hands on.

Ali Hazelwood - Love on the Brain

Okay I fucking loved this one actually, this was even better than The Love Hypothesis. Sorry not sorry. Two notes though: 1) apparently the two main characters had a height difference of 40 cm and as someone who once dated a guy maybe 30 cm taller than me, I have to say the logistics of the kissing are not as simple as this book makes it seem, and 2) I don't like Ali Hazelwood's sex scenes at all rip.

Xiran Jay Zhao - Iron Widow

!!!!!!!!!

Alexandria Bellefleur - Written in the Stars

When will I escape the fucking Harry Potter references, if this wasn't a library book I would have set fire to it. That said, the rest of it was really nice, we love a little F/F fake dating opposites attract romance moment, although I can't speak to the quality of the sex scenes bcos I was reading this on the train sitting next to my mum so I kind of skipped those.

Miira Luhtavaara - Pinnallisuus (finnish)

Idk this had some fun visual stuff but mostly this was just like. Words. Apparently this is an award-winning poet but maybe I'm not cultured enough bcos I cannot understand why.

Jennette McCurdy - I'm Glad My Mom Died

The internet's been buzzing about this so much I had to read it despite barely knowing who Jennette McCurdy is; this was really good but also I felt so voyeuristic reading it like "noo I don't need to know this stuff about a complete stranger, why am I reading this" as if she didn't write it herself in a book for people to read.

Christina Sweeney-Baird - The End of Men

Based on the reviews etc that I read, I think that a lot of people (including the author) approached this book from a non-speculative-fiction background. I came to this book having read a) a bunch of disaster, incl. pandemic fiction and b) The Female Man by Joanna Russ and Ammonite by Nicola Griffith. So I understand that this was groundbreaking to some people, but to me it was a bit of a let-down. Obviously not every book has to add something new to its genre, but with feminist sci-fi I think I'd expect some awareness of genre, at least.

Also. If you don't know anything about genetics and infectious diseases, it's okay to not go into detail about them. I don't mind the idea of a vague nebulous disease that only kills men (as a plot device in fiction, I mean, I'm not buzzed about the idea in real life), I can suspend my disbelief. I stop being able to suspend disbelief when an author writes something this incredibly wrong.

Louisa M Alcott - Little Women

I watched the 90's adaptation recently bcos my man (John Neville) is in it so I figured I ought to read the book someday - I mean, I read some of it as a kid but I don't think I ever finished it - and honestly, I think child me was right bcos this book really isn't all that great.

Trish Milburn - A Cowboy's Kiss

I go on bookbub to look at my deals, I see the word "cowboy" and black out and the next thing I know that shit is in my google play library. ANYWAY. A librarian named Anna gets in an accident, and has to be looked after by a sexy doctor who is also a cowboy?? Sign me the fuck up.

Fiona MacArthur - Lacey

This was a pretty dull book and also loses so many points for the love interest being a cop, but you don't look a free ebook in the mouth.

Rachael Bloome - The Truth in Tiramisu

Another pretty meh romance.

Kerttu Kotakorpi - Suomen luonto 2100 (finnish)

A little prediction into what Finland might be like in the year 2100 as far as climate and weather go - an interesting read, for sure, if a bit depressing (:

Sari Elfving - Saattaja

Well. I liked the concept (1939, biology student doesn't get to go along on a research trip to find a butterfly she's interested in, war breaks out and she fakes nurse credentials to go serve in the war so she can see the butterfly), and I thought it was well-written, but I also just mostly did not like this book.

Martha Wells - All Systems Red (finnish translation)

I hate reading translations but sometimes needs must - this was sooo good oh my god. I need to read this entire series right now immediately thank you.

Lempi Nyyssönen - Taskukellon aikaa (finnish)

Was at grandma's, picked up one of the few poetry books she has, turns out this was written by her former neighbour. Not the most interesting poetry I've ever read tbh but also not the worst.

CJ Carmichael - Melt My Heart, Cowboy

A pretty good book about the friendship between Rosie, a writer/chocolate shop worker dealing with a big life change, and Sara Maria, a young autistic woman recovering from a breakdown and trying to find her own place in life without being defined by her family. Oh except it's actually a romance between Rosie and Brant, Sara Maria's brother and the cowboy of the title. It's just that he's the least interesting character in the book, and a bit of a dick, and even Rosie is like "why do I like this guy, he's a dick to his sister and he kind of sucks" sooo.

This book gets bonus points for Rosie finding out Sara Maria is autistic and her reaction being, and I quote, "like the Sheldon character on Big Bang Theory?"

Sangu Mandanna - The Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches

This was mostly Really Good except remember that thing I wrote before about having to write obstacles to romance that are exactly the right size? The obstacle in this one should have been too big, actually, holy shit.

Carina Taylor - Tuesdays Like That

This book has really fantastic dialogue. The rest of it isn't that great.

Holly Smale - The Cassandra Complex

I'm putting spoilers here bcos I would have wanted them myself: I was so distracted reading this bcos first a side character made some comment about Cassandra, the main character, being on the spectrum, I was like "oh is she autistic?" (yes) and when I figured she probably was my next question was "does she know she's autistic?" (no.)

I did enjoy the book though, would recommend.

Note: I have left three books off this list bcos some things are between me and God (or, as it happens, between me and Google Play Books which now knows too much about me). Anyway see you in six months for part two! :)

[amazonworrier]

Say pezberry were canonically crushing on each other (and they were) How do you think Rachel would react to Dani in Tina in the Sky? Do you think she would suppress her feelings and tell Santana to go after Dani like we saw onscreen or would she mope around in that Rachel way until they both confess their crushes. Basically I want a season 5 AU lol

So the way a season 5 AU exists in the Pezberry third of my brain is remarkably similar to what we get in canon. Which says so much about canon really, doesn't it?

- 5x02: Rachel is totally encouraging of Dantana. In fact, she tells Santana this emphatically after they all sing Let it Be, and spirals into a drunken tirade about all of Santana's amazing qualities, which leads to an accidental kiss. Presumably this is after Dani's gone home, and Kurt is in the bathroom or something. It's very brief, they pull away in a bit of a daze and stare at each other in confusion. Uh oh. End of episode.

- 5x03: The Quarterback plays out exactly as per canon.

- 5x04 - 5x07: Santana is cool to let the whole thing slide if Rachel is. Which Rachel is relieved about, given Finn just died. They go on as friends. Santana dates Dani. Occasionally we get random cutaways to Rachel giving them side-eye while they're being coupl-y, but that's it.

- 5x08: Previously Unaired Christmas plays out nearly the same as canon, only Santana wakes up in Rachel's bed instead of on the floor, so the subtext is just a little heavier than it was in the original episode. Spicy.

- 5x 09: Frenemies can be the same as canon too, but lean into the underlying wives getting a divorce vibe a little bit more. I'd want to keep the end scene the same, but have Kurt be genuinely baffled by Rachel's overreaction and call that out in front of Santana while they're all talking. Rachel falters because she doesn't have an answer, then continues to be mean. We see it all click into place for Kurt when he notices Santana's reaction to Rachel tearing the Pezberry photo up on the way out of the door. End on him watching Santana watch Rachel leave, like this:

- 5x10: Trio. Literally just amp up that gay af candle scene. One Three Hill interrupt as per canon, and we get Rachel reacting to the Dantana cheek kiss (or trying not to).

- 5x12: 100. Same same. Especially the bit where Rachel glares at Santana pre-Valerie. Love that for me. Just cut the crappy girls tearing down other girls Jonesberry bathroom moment, and instead have Mercedes follow Rachel to work out why the hell season 1 Santana just possessed their now-friend's body back there. Rachel can just blubber on a bit cluelessly, similar to canon about how she and Santana were close etc, only this time Mercedes is like:

Meanwhile 5x12 for Santana follows pretty much the same arc as canon, including the season 5 Churro kiss (sorry Brittanas, look away!), with one very juicy twist in the post-kiss convo:

Brittany: And, I'm sure your girlfriend's great, but-

Santana: *irritated* It's not that, it's-

Brittany: ... what?

Santana: Nothing

5x13: New Directions. Honestly again it's so similar to canon, especially 'I am Changing.' Because Kurtcedes scheming to get their pals together is literally what we were given already. Keep Britt watching Santana applaud, and keep the Pezberry bathroom scene exactly as is. Instead of the lilies scene, Brittany invites Santana to the choir room but she arrives to find Rachel standing in there alone, looking equally clueless. Kurt invited her there. The door slams shut - Kurt, Britt and Mercedes are on the other side. They've locked them in. We get two scenes of Pezberry forced to talk their crap out while stuck in the choir room together. Santana makes a similar apology to canon, but Rachel admits some guilt too. Santana resigns from FG and they decide to sing a song. We get Be Okay, but dial the heart-eyes up roughly 30%.

5x14 - 5x16: They take a back-seat. Santana and Dani breakup for reasons unrelated to Rachel, or so she says. Rachel is not so secretly thrilled about this, but proceeds to do nothing. Loft life returns to normal, but Sam/Artie/Blaine etc are there too. Fun.

5x17: Opening Night. As canon. Pezberry peptalk pretty much the same as canon. Have Pezberry dancing a little too closely during Pumping Blood and a charged moment or three.

5x18: The Backup Plan. Wouldn't change a thing. That Pezberry dinner scene was already way too fkn gay.

5x19: Old Dogs New Tricks. As above. Chaotic girlfriends. Just throw in some more heart eyes in some of the scenes then you're done. Also in the Kurcheltana group hug have Pezberry make direct eye contact. Charged. Oof.

5x20: Controversial, but I'd start by letting Santana actually be IN this episode. Crazy right? Anyway that weird screenwriter lady comes in to write Rachel's pilot and basically assumes Pezberry are a couple, which gets everyone talking about it, and also gives it to us via dream sequence when they're all reading the script. Neither side of Pezberry are horrified, just embarrassed. Santana snaps at Sam for laughing at the idea of them and surprises everybody, including herself. Storms out. Then we get a Pezberry scene where Rachel follows and Santana says the TV pilot is a mistake, but Rachel respectfully tells her she's doing it anyway. Santana lets it go and promises only to slightly mock her if it all goes sideways, which Rachel thanks her for. Then they part ways - Santana has a tour to get to with Mercedes, and Rachel is off to LA. It's bitter-sweet. Throw in some cute little moments in Pompeii for them too. Imagine them recreating the season 3 long distance gaze/walk over/handhold moment, but on the streets of NY instead?? Magnificent.

So that's how I see a Pezberry season 5 playing out in canon, if they'd nudged it to the left a smidge. In another world, it would've then set them up nicely for a proper romantic arc in season 6, but alas it was not to be.