#and if u do that and it still doesn’t feel rewarding thats fine. but just atleast try first before you rely purely on ai

[yaniasogames]

okay i do agree the ai panic is overblown and dumb (what the tags say) and that not all creation of ai art is negative + if u wanna just do ai art for fun then go for it as long as you dont upload it and avoid saying its ai. but if u seriously wanna do art i dont really see why you wouldn’t want to yknow let yourself actually enjoy the process to some extent

[mochees]

"𝗶 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗜𝗜"

-> headcanons, how they tell you they love you for the first time, part two!

characters: sakusa, iwaizumi, x fem!reader

warnings: fem reader, ✨healthy relationships✨, oikawa being oikawa

wc: 3.6K

a/n: WOAH okay uh did NOT expect that last set to be that popular,,,, y'all thirsty for love huh? me too anyway i thought id do a part two since i honestly really enjoyed writing the first set and my brain is vibrating with ✨thoughts✨ and seeing how much love it got really made me feel how i haven't felt in so long, so thank you! maybe ill turn this into a series so lemme know if u wanna see someone specific👀👀😏 also sorry for like posting and then dipping again lmao thats just my social media brand i have the attention span of a fucking worm

read part 1 here!

Sakusa Kiyoomi

okok i know its like common for sakusa to be shown as not interested in PDA (in private or public) unless hes feeling "needy"

BUT i believe that after a few weeks, maybe months if he's still unsure, he would definitely be much more comfortable with PDA

like, if its been a long time and your both serious about it and not just in a relationship to be in a relationship he starts to notice your routine

he notices the changes you make so that he's comfortable and so that you can be close to him without him being worried about icky yicky germy wormys (someone take away my thought privileges)

so now that he knows that you take care of your hygiene and exactly what you do for it, slowly he's wrapping an arm around you in 30° heat while you're both sweating

slowly he's "forgetting" his mask in the car for dates

slowly, but surely, he understands that a little bit of exposure, isn't a bad thing.

"kiyoomi?" your voice brought sakusa's eyes to yours where he could see the concern behind them.

"are you okay y/n?"

you'd decided, after three weeks of intense training and barely seeing your boyfriend, that you wanted just one day and one night with him. just the two of you, you know he'd never admit it, but he needed a break.

after atsumu decided to try out some new plays that didn't start off to well, sakusa had been silently groaning everytime he had to reach for something. he was excellent at making sure he wasn't overworking himself, and he wasn't, its just that the human body is an absolute wonder, and not in a good way. sometimes things that should have mildly injured you, left you with a tiny scrape, or a bruise or a very quick-to-fade red mark, and sometimes you drop a phone on your face and break your fucking jaw.

you offer him a gentle smile that completely washes away the concern in your eyes.

"im fine omi! but you," you reach your hands up to rest on both sides of his face turning his head side to side, studying it intensly.

"you're looking a little pale. and possibly grey."

"how do you mean y/n-chan?"

for such an intelligent man sometimes he really could be a himbo.

"i mean that i think you might be sick, baby."

sakusa stared blankly at you, as if he couldn't fathom the possibility of 'himself, sick?'

"omi? kiyoomi!" you nabbed his attention, "i think you're sick, and we best go home."

"but-" he started, but you were quick to cut him off knowing exactly what he was about to say.

"kiyoomi, it's inevitable. even if you were the worlds most decked out with ppe, and the worlds leading force in hygeine, you'd still end up catching a cold at least once. that's just how the world works baby. and don't worry about the date, all i want is to spend some time with you."

you ended up practically dragging your sad little puppy of a boyfriend back up the complex stairs and into his unit before settling him on the couch and getting to work.

"ill get you some water, you just sit here and relax. i don't want to think about what would happen if those dumbasses didnt have you there next week, bokuto and hinata would probably crack their skulls!" your attempt at a little light hearted humour helped sakusa forget for a moment, but he was quick to go back to not understanding how he was sick.

"thank you." he took the glass from your hand and rested it between his legs, when he noticed the rubber gloves you had clutched at your side. he knew what they were for, those were his cleaning gloves.

"what are you doing? you can't stay you'll..." he paused. "you'll get sick too."

"i'll be fine omi-omi! you just relax and drink lots of water, ill take care of this." you turned towards the wall with a soft smile before muttering, "ill take care of you."

sakusa watched you clean, the bucket full of diluted bleach, the duster, a cloth, and his cleaning gloves. he loved the way that they were too big for you, the way you kept having to pull them up every so often to keep them on. he loved the way that everytime he finished his glass of water, you were right there to fill it back up.

you don't even remember seeing, or hearing him lift himself from his spot on the couch and make his way over to where you were humming and covering the counters in the diluted solution. you felt a pair of big arms wrap around you, a chin on your shoulder and a kiss on your cheek.

"thank you, y/n. i love you."

thank god he caught a cold, or he might never have realized just how lucky he was.

Iwaizumi Hajime

family man

is a family man but not just ANY family man

yes, it's important to him that you like and respect his parents and vice versa

but its just slightly more important to him that you get along with his friends, his found family because im a SUCKER for the classic lilo n stitch trope

he knows that many people say that its his life and he doesn't need anyones approval etc.

but iwaizumi believes different, he believes that he doesn't need approval in the literal sense but rather approval through watching you interact with his friends and his family and how you do your best to learn about them and make time for them, even though you dont have to

and he thinks it's absolutely enthralling

the way your eyes light up when you see that book his mom has been talking about wanting to read and picking it up with no hesitation

how you're able to almost flawlessly keep up with issei and takahiro's antics while also making sure they don't go too far, something even iwaizumi struggles with

and most importantly, how effortlessly you connect with his childhood best friend.

there were many things that Iwaizumi Hajime enjoyed, volleyball, athletics, godzilla of course, spending time with three dumbasses (but he’ll never admit that) and a little while ago, he added you to that list.

you were so effortlessly able to connect with his team, his friends, and his family but most importantly, the way you were able to connect with Oikawa brought a smile to his face.

“oh, iwa-chan~, what are you admiring?” there he went again, Iwa thought, Tohru Oikawa’s dumb smirk and hyper awareness of his team, both on and off court. how he wated to head-butt him in the face. but, he showed restraint. after all, he wouldn’t want loserkawa to use you as a human shield from his head. so, he ignored the urge. but it passed as soon as he saw tohrus arm arond your shoulders, crossed feet and leaning on you ever so slightly while he took a few occasional swigs from his water.

and just like that, the incredible restraint vanished like morning mist.

you could practically see the steam coming off of his hot skin, and the vein popping out of his forehead, when you noticed what had him so heated. “trashykawa get your filthy hands off of my girlfriend!”

“excuse me!” he pouted, “my hands are clean and tailored! just like any responsible setters would be!” he stuck his lip out farther and gave you his irresistable puppy-dog eyes. “y/n-chan, i’m not filthy! am i?” he whined.

and, as the word suggests, his look was truly irresistable and you stumbled over your words. “n-no! of course not tohru!”

“see, iwa-chan! y-n thinks i’m squeaky clean!” his dumb smirk appeared again, and rather than continue with flirtykawas obvious games, Iwa opted for the less violen approach.

“don’t flatter yourself, dirtykawa. she’s just being nice.” he growled. “I’m done for the day, i have a project due. y-n.” he offered his hand to you like the gentleman he is not forcing you to take it, but the look in his eyes told you that he wanted you too.

“see you later, tohru!” you gave him a quick hug and intertwined your fingers with iwa’s.

now, technically, girls aren’t allowed in the boys locker room but since it’s after hours and just you and iwaizumi no one cared. to be fair though, literally no one knew except the team so, whatever you didn’t complain you got to watch yout ultra ripped boyfriend change. quality time. you thought, when you noticed him mid-change with his shirt over his head, resting on his arms. as any good girlfriend would, despite the devil on your shoulder, you came up behind him placing your hands on his seriously broad shoulders. taking notice of the tension, you started to work at the muscles. your care was quickly rewarded with a quiet sigh, and relaxed shoulders.

“hajime?” you continued rubbing at the tight fibers, “are you alright? you’re usually the one telling me im holding too much tension.” you giggled and he turned to face you placing one hand against the side of your face.

“hajime?” it came out shaky and worried.

“i’m okay,” he smiled “it’s just,” hesitation. he was never one to hesitate.

“i know i have no right to be but seeing oikawa so clingy with you it just, i dont know, it really gets to me i guess? he, just, he gets all the girls, all the attention, and i don’t want to-” you stopped him.

“sweetheart, it’s okay to be jealous or upset i’m not going to be angry, you have a right to your feelings. I understand how you feel, i never mean to flirt with him, if i ever have, i mean i don’t know, you know how bad of a flirt i am,” he chuckles at that. “it’s just that i know how important he is to you and you are so, so important to me and i want to be able to understand whats important to you, so you never have to choose between us, because that wouldn’t be fair. i love you, hajime iwaizumi, and everything about you.”

you expected him to be shocked, hell, he thought he would be shocked when or if you said it, but he wasn’t. and that’s exactly how he knew what to say next.

“i love you too, y/n l/n.” pressing a soft kiss against your lips.

“geez, it only took you two a century and forever.” someone snarked.

hajime chucked a towel at him “get out assykawa!” and he did, he bolted through the door laughing like the demon matchmaker he thought he was.

© sacchanwrites, 2021

do not repost, copy, or claim.

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[starlightshore]

im kinda want to get into this sort of thing so is it okay to ask u a few questions? if not just delete this, but here goes? would u reccomend game maker studio 2, and how hard is it to use in ur opinion? and is there anything u wish u knew at the beginning of making ur fangame?

aw anon you’re so sweet! don’t worry about asking about this, its really exciting to make games and trying new things! i would not say i’m an expert, and i wouldn’t even say i know gml like. at all. i just understand a how the code is used, but now what the code itself is or what to type exactly. like, i understand the theory more so than actually doing it. which is, eh, fine? i’m getting by, and i’m still learning. i’ve only been using gms 2 for 2 months now.

also, i’m using a fangame engine! i feel its kinda like cheating lmao, but its just meant to be a framework to build your own thing off of. and i still need to learn gms2 to use it, and i plan on doing more advanced and complicated things (ie: changing how battles even work structurally.) so. i’m not good at gsm2 yet, but uh, really once you understand coding its not any harder than i’d imagine w/ other professional game engines. compared to unity, i like this better because it seems built on the idea of making 2d sprite games. its SO much more simpler and the userface (while. i’m not a fan of how it has its workspace but whatever) is simple and easy to grasp.

i can’t say for certain if i recommend game maker. its very pricey and doesn’t go on sale often. (big sales i mean, it goes on 15% somewhat frequently) i really, really recommend doing your research first. 

so here i talk about what game engines i’ve used over the last year. (also i hear Godot is good!)

at the end of that post i said this: “TLDR; figure out what kind of game and story you want to tell/make. i could of saved a year’s worth of work if i just sat myself down and realized i wanted to make a completely new fangame separate from my old blog stuff. and that i wanted to make an rpg specifically.“

and so! past me has good advice. figure out the scope and what story do you want to tell. with AL, I know it has 2 chapters, and rn i’m only concentrating on chapter 1. chp 1 has 7 nights and one area where you fight enemies. its very story/character driven and is more so like. a deconstruction of the rpg genre than an actual rpg game. (i know that the word deconstruction is over used as hell, but it is what this is.)

it builds off the themes of the original, while focusing on things that i want to focus on and develop. ut, at it’s heart, is about stories and grief, i’m just taking it to a different extreme and angle.

uh, anyway, i really wish i knew what i wanted to make and understood the source material more and what i wanted to make. i’ve. thought really really hard over what UT means, what message toby was trying to convey, how he did it and what I thought about it. understanding what YOU want from and for your project is the most important thing. WHY do you want to make this? WHAT do you want people to feel and think about when playing? or even, after playing? it doesn’t have to be super deep either.

so, figure out what you what to make, and then you can work on the how. really plan your story, but honestly i wouldn’t recommend planning it in super big details right off. also, super helpful to have a friend help you brainstorm and plot check things for you. (shout out to my friend the sniffer

anyway, don’t plan things TOO detailed because things are GOING to change no matter how well you plan! just try to get get an outline done, then rewrite it 5 more times and then MAYBE you’ll be ready to tackle a more detailed version. then write it 5 more times. i can’t stress enough how important planning is, and how you shouldn’t expect everything to work out even on draft 10! things will work, and when they do, draft 10 is going to look like bad awful nonsense cause you’re at draft 20 now and everything is much more coherent and better. games aren’t written or consumed all at once on the fly. its not a piece of fanart, a fanfic, a comic. its not updated more than once. its out, and then its just out. plan for it.

and real quick, don’t worry about art assets! depending on how you do the art, that’s most likely going to change and its going to be polished LAST. i could go more into how you should think of art when game developing, but thats another topic. just. honestly use shitty art assets and worry about it later.

kris’ place holder sprite for deltarune ^ it don’t need to be pretty, it needs to be practical.

second advice: start SMALL!!! i feel i should of done this, and frankly i probably will have to sit down and do this lmao, basically, you should make boring small games to learn the basics. I know, i know, nobody really wants to recreate asteroid when you got big ideas of making stories and animations u wanna make. but like. you really need to figure out how the program works and how the code works in theory and practice.

ok so like, think of coding like this. i got this from a skillshare video series, so uh. i’m going to retell this but in a shittier and likely less nuanced way. sorry

ok so imagine. you’re telling this guy who is trying to get to Gary’s house. now, Gary’s house is just down the road, few houses down, now, you can tell this guy that and he’ll likely find the house just fine. but if you’re telling a robot it’s not going to understand what “down the road” means. what road? how long? it needs instructions that are simple and work in a language it understands.

so you tell the robot “go down two houses, stop at sign until x seconds pass, turn right, go forward 1 house, turn ect. stop at house, ring doorbell. IF Gary answers, go inside; ELSE: do not go inside, wait;

so this what i mean by understanding the theory behind the code rather than the code itself. yes there’s complexities and differences in each language, but they’re ALL based on the same concepts. different program languages are less like different speech languages, but rather different dialects of the same. (uh, like us english vs uk english) its just different rules and “spellings” of the same core concepts.

next advice: don’t be afraid to ask for help! but also! do so within reason! if people are OPEN for helping, be sure do so in the right environment and within what time works for them. compensate people for the time and effort if you can. ALWAYS try to figure out the solution yourself first. often with coding, it can be a simple solution that you could of thought of yourself if you took the initiative to. google is your friend, youtube is your friend! (ok, youtube isn’t, but in this case! yes!) the answer might not always be easy to find, and its perfectly fine to look for help but its good to at least try on your own first!

speaking of which! LEARN LEARN LEARN! be ready to devote A LOT of time to watching and reading about game development. this goes to every game making program, not just gms2. i watch. so many videos on gms. i rec having the video play at 1.5x or 2x speed to cut down time. obvs you still need to retain the information, so speed might be not a good idea then. and its REALLY GOOD to pause and type out the code and follow along. but its also good to just understand the concepts, and theres no harm in rewatching once you’ve understood it  better at a different speed.

things WILL click and work out for you, and its going to be a very time consuming and long journey to get there. i LOVE making this game and telling this story but I also had no idea what i was getting into! and i probably will have more advice once i’m further in, (i’ve only used gms 2 for 2 months!) but thats the best i can say for now! i hope you pursue your dreams and start making things!!! you can do it!!! 

the best time to start is yesterday, the second best time is right now! even if you put a little effort into it everyday, you’ll  build up progress and you can learn SO MUCH over time and theres this whole world of possibilities out there! the world NEEDS your story and your perspective, and i think creating it in anyway you can is necessary for humanity! your work will mean something to someone someday, and i am so excited for you to start your journey!

[kaiju-z]

FINALLY back on track, after a month and a half of stuff getting in our way, but here we are with session 20!!!

Seon Adventures Episode 20: Going Solo...

With the passing of the night, comes the light of day.

The trio of Belli, Luctan and Mournimar awake alongside Morgan and the elf baby with notably Amelia, Archie, Burk and Rimefang missing. Luctan does elaborate where Amelia had gone, though it gets missed in the confusion when everyone wonders what happened with Burk.

Thinking quickly on her feet, Belli sends a message to Burk to check where he is. But all he answers with is that  Rimefang’s fine, don’t know where Amelia is.”

As Luctan fixes the baby up for the day, packing him like a little baby burrito (a babitto, if you will), the remaining bunch go upstairs, while Belli gives a call to Amelia. Amelia, who had been having the most wonderful of sleeps she has had since a long while.

“No.”

Belli sends her a message again with a whistle.

“No. Just no.”

Luctan has to repeat himself on where Amelia actually is, much to the amusement of the adopted duo.

As they climb up the stairs, everything seems normal and as expected from the previous night, people coming and going, welcomed and- And the party for some reason get approached by a very confused human, wearing the robes of the temple of Keemis.

Brunette, with an undercut, in his 30′s, scars on his arms and face, the kind man delivers a letter to the bunch, asking if they’re the Cultbusters.

“Are you the Cultbusters?”

“Depends on who’s asking?”- Belli.

“3 of them!”- Mournimar.

After a brief sibling argument about just up and telling people their identities, the man elaborates that the letter is written by Burk. Or. Well, he helped Burk write that letter for the party.

Mournimar is the one to read it to everyone else. All lower case, a lot of the words are misspelled.

“ hi. this is from burk. i am leaving now. ive been thinking and i think i do not need to be here anymore. i found one of the guys i was looking for and it was really easy and no ofense but i was hoping for cold hard killers and u r not. but you were all realy nice to me, nicer than any one has before so i am going to miss all of u very much. rimefang is coming with me because hes too cool for u. also i think hes geting bigger cause he started sheding or some thing i dont know. i left some scales for u, and ur share of the gold. there is a lot of stuff i wana go do and i feel bad draging u guys with me so i gotta go do it my self. but i want u all to know im not just going to kill people for me. i am doing stuff for u. For amelia and luc i am going to come back and we are gona have the best fight ever and learn a lot. For beli i am going to steal the biggest shinyest kazoo i can find. For morni i will stop punching wolfs and also be nicer to weird animals i find in the forest. u were all very nice and good with peeple and not good at vilence, and thats a good thing. but i dont fit in. bye for a while

 burk “

The trio are devastated. Belli is the most vocal, with Mournimar having to calm her down, while Luctan stands stoically, with the baby in his arm.

Burk left.

It’s heart breaking.

It’s heart breaking and the cleric tries to cast Calm Emotions on the lot of them to try and soothe their woes. Mournimar fails his save, Luctan doesn’t even try and Belli tanks that and starts shouting at him for imposing his magic on them, without their consent.

“Don’t you fucking dare try and tell me what to fucking feel.” -  She is emotion personified.

When things calm down, Luctan apologizes and asks for the messenger’s name.

“ My name is Malak. I am a Devotee of Keemis. I’ve been living here in this temple for a few years.” He had heard of the Cultbusters’ reputation and found interest and want to join them on their questing, seeing as they’ve stirred some cults out of their comfort.

Thrown them out of their rhythm, if you will.

He is accepted, Belli referring to him as their “intern” for now and, with introductions made, and Malak gathering his equipment, the bunch of them take to the last tavern they had gone to for breakfast and meeting back up with Amelia.

Amelia waits for them there. Nel had spoken to her about how she managed to get her mother to agree on leaving town for a while with the help of a family friend. And she had made some sort of offer to Amelia.

The group are again together at the tavern and introduce Malak. Amelia and Malak shake hands as a distraught Belli pays the tavern keeper to go and work the kitchen for a while.

Amelia encourages her. “The fact he wrote us a letter means he cared about The Cultbusters.” She gently holds Belli’s arm, ‘cause Belli’s abandonment issues have kicked in hard.

There’s stress baking and then there’s stress cooking. And Belli does this handily. And she makes... so much food! 1st, second, third Breakfasts, if those were actual things, of course.

“It’ll be alright. He had to do what he had to do.”

As Belli comes and goes with increasingly more and more plates of food, we end up talking about the baby and his future. The little elven boy keeps tugging at Luctan’s hair, fussing at him and getting fussed at.

A few suggestions get made. From Malak’s suggestion to raise the child in the orphanage, to the talk with Nel the other day, involving handing him over to a rich family.

The decision is hard to make. Whether he likes it or not, Luctan’s attached himself to the little one, but he knows he can’t keep him with the party as dangers keep increasing on their journey. He had been having waking flashes back to every incident since the child was with them and how scared he was from the screams and roars and hurts and aches.

He couldn’t let the baby travel with them further. He knew what he was going to do, regardless of where the baby went, but still.

Amelia catches up with Malak on his Keemis Clergy work.

 He’s been at this for 5-6 years or so. He heard about the party after the CB helped arrest the local cultists. He’s fascinated by souls and how they transition, based on their alignment. He’s searching for an answer to this question. Basically, he’s looking for research.

Amelia asks where he’s from.

“I’m from Lian. It is not a good place to raise a kid and I left home, got a lot of people from my home town killed. We wanted to leave, thought we’d make our own band of soldiers to fight in the war and I’m the only one left. And so I try to find some meaning in the senseless death and resurrection and ended up meeting some Keemis priests. Fell in with them and came up here.”

The gang try to cheer him up about his backstory woes and some end up sharing their own troubles. Mournimar does so. Luctan gives away the shocker that his family owned slaves and that triggered his sense of aiding those in need, freeing the captive ones and fleeing via teleport scroll.  And lastly Belli tells the tragic story of her family.

Doting on the baby commences, while Mournimar gives Malak some pointers on the shenanigans he is up for with Belli, now that he is part of the group.

Following their hefty meal, Mournimar gets his new armor. Better fitted than his previous one. Since he found it in the barracks??? This one is more custom. Studded Leather, which raises his AC + 1

Going back on forth on where to go next, during this tragic shopping episode, Belli shares Burk’s treasures with the cleric, seeing as he had left them for the rest.

Before anything can be really bought, though, aside of the meals, we go for the payment on the Serial Kilelr job.

As the party draw closer to the dungeons, Mournimar suggests Belli let Luctan talk, which offends Belli, who gets encouragement from Luck and Malak that she’ll do great. Malak ingretiating himself by casting Guidance and Enhance Ability on the Half-Orc Bard, right before she approaches the receptionists, an older Half-Elf man and a yellow tiefling.

“Now is the time to prove them wrong.”

The conversation is quick and Belli shines during this process. We are thanked, the lot of us, for the work we did and are pointed to the office of the Captain in charge.

While walking, we get a few pointers on places to visit around town.

Generally South-West of the city is a good night’s time.” the HElf answers Amelia. Though, uh,  he wouldn’t know personally. Definitely.

We walk down to the office, knock on the door before walking in.

We are welcomed in by the Halfling woman inside. She’s dressed well for her job. Not exactly the outfit one would expect for prison duty, but then again, they didn’t have a good idea on that, themselves. Blue eyes observe us warmly and kindly, through a wavy bob haircut, while she fiddles with the cuff of one of her sleeves. Her office is bare, maybe she’s new, maybe it’s how she likes it.

She kind of looks everyone up and down. “I’m guessing you’re the folks we’ve been expecting, huh?”

The party apologize as they didn’t have a proper schedule in mind and the thought is shared vice-versa as it just... Really was like that sometimes? Often times?! A lot. It happened a lot.

For finding the hide out of the slayer of cityfolk, for convincing his husband to give himself up and testify about his beloved, the ‘busters gain a monetary reward. As she pulls out a big chest on the table, Belli tries to convince her to unionise. To some possible success? She certainly seems curious about the suggestion itself.

Ames kinda looks her up and down and gives a smol little thumbs up

She’s a valuable worker, she’s worth more.

On behalf of the city of Crystalgate, thank you for all of your efforst in intervening with the issue. The culprits have been dealt with.” Much to the four original members’ surprise, the husband has been released, having promissedto turn over a new leaf.

Luctan would later ask the captain, who introduced herself to the five as River Blackbrace (Just River), where he could find the husband and, after ensuring her that he planned no ill will towards the man, she guesses he’d be back in town or at one of the temples.

The woman feels like rewarding us with more, since this isn’t her gold, yeah? Lots of paperwork time prevented. The five are given suggestions on places to go and spend our money. Between " Neladrie's Rarities” and “Snipper’s Hall’, the clothing store of Grinella, they have some good options on their way.

Grinella is the best at her work, as far as River’s concerned.

Before they go, we mention to River that we plan on participating in the Spring Festival’s tournament.

River mentions that it was originally created as a celebration of the heroes Septum Sabata. It’s a series of trials re-creating what they went through to save everyone. Malak has watched it a few times and things happening around the arena a few good times. He’s the local CG expert.

And if they really feel down, there’s also a place... a-a-

Café where they summon fae animals.

And should they need a good book,  there’s a library in the north east. “The Lady Stormweaver National Library.” The conversation about books prompts Luctan to show off the “Handerstaad” he got from Sa Doma.

And River spills the tea that Kheyha is a local. And has spent some time in the dungeons for her alcoholism antics. (Never meet your heroes, kids.)

They are suggested to stay away from the Ebryosis followers. Best leave those kinky fellas to their own “dungeons”.

As they walk walk to the clothes and magical trinkets shops, Mournimar has a heart to heart with Belli, apologizing for his behavior. While Luctan checks the money with Malak. The sibs hug it out, while the money is counted and distributed amongst all of them, even as Malak protests some.

There’s a faint tingle of wind chimes as the five go to one of the most eclectic collections of goods of various kinds we’ve ever seen. Sort of an order to it, anyways. A rainbow pattern across the show. Vaguely arranged in no particular order. Pretty much everything’s in a different size and shape.

A high elven woman, Neladrie, sits in a tall stool behind a desk, very long hair. She glances vaguely at us and has a monocular on.

Good morning. Feel free to look around. Please be aware you’re being watched, so don’t get any funny ideas. And Welcome.”  She points at her watchful little pseudodragon, watching from the rafters.

Belli uses mage hand to pat the dragon.

She knows she’s a good gorl.

The search commences as each member of the party search foritems with some help of the shopkeeper.

Malak gains supplies for his Divination magic, including dragon bones.

Mournimar tries and fails to find anything that could enhance his wisdom.

Amelia gets her hands on some lovely sea shells.

Luctan gets helped with finding a focus for his recently developed magical abilities. A small purple crystal.

All the while Belli takes her pick, between some wild musical instruments.

There is an holy banjo with all the gods’ symbols.

There’s a great axe with a wider handle. A didgerydeath, if you will.

And also, what appears to be a kazoo 2. One sort of kazoo entrance and branches out into different sights. It’s like if a kazoo had different pitches.

There’s also a set of bagpipes.

And last, but not least, an ukulele of sorts. Upon testing it, the ukulute sounds like a spannish guitar, almost.

Ostentatious is her brand and after testing all the instruments, she agrees to buy the ukulute.

With purchases made, the gang take the next step of their journey, going to the “Snipper’s Hall”, where they meet the one and only  Grindelia Snipper. A Goblin Woman, standing atop a 7ft tall step ladder, measuring a tall model with her arm tattoo.

“OH! Welcome!” 

"Snipper’s Hall” is a long building, like a miniature Viking lounge house, with elements of stone to keep it stable. There is a wide variety of different sort of premade outfits, models of different heights going from 4.5 to 8ft tall... And. There’s a jewelry section.

After a greeting, the party make their requests and orders in a friendly sort of manner. Mournimar buys a jacket and a stag brooch, Belli gets herself a new, lovely outfit, a dress of blue and pink, as well as a canine bracelet. Malak’s fine as he is and Amelia is left uncertain with what to purchase.

Upon Luctan’s request... A custom outfit which’ll take a few days to put together, the poor secret Tieflingman gets handled with amazing strength and tenacity by the spunky and overly friendly goblin woman, who measures him nice and well with her arm and finger, taking his numbers with keen eyes, even with his armor still on.

He can’t be sure why, but the very suggestion she’s sent people to get treatment over the roughhousing sends a chill down his spine. The elf baby just has a blast during the entire developement.

Business transaction made, the next stop is “Peppery Pete’s Pile of Potions.”

Belli is still angry with the old gnome, over his potions involving Orcish strength, given the negative stereotype about Orcish intelligence lowering the user’s titular stat.

A stern talking to is to be had, before any dealings get made there.

Along the way to the shop, Luctan asks Malak if he knows anything about the tournament, beyond what the party had heard and he shares his knowledge with the gang:

“The Tournament is divided into three trials The Trial of the Elemental Lords, the Trial of the Beast and the Trial of the Betrayed.

The Trial of the Elemental Lords involves the blending of the elements being worked into a challenge that teams must overcome together.

The Trial of the Beast involves fighting a mighty beast that establishes victors as a cut above the rest.

The Trial of the Betrayed is the grand finale, the remaining 2 groups battle it out. But there are clerics on standby. You cannot aim to kill, just to knock unconscious. Any deliberate murder would be acted upon as such in a court of lawAfter the tournament, a party is held for all groups within the Echosmith Hall and the champions are presented with their rewards.”

Luctan’s mind wanders. Things to be re-worked in his goals.

The lot of them soon reach the shop and, upon summoning Pete inside, welcomes are had. Arguing commences between the Half-Orc and the Gnome as Pete ultimately admits that he stopped producing the particualr offending potion, much to the losses in his product.

Ideas are being thrown around on potions Pete could work on in turn, before any business could be had, involving the party’s wants and needs.

Aside from getting a Greater Health Potion and a new Potion of Wizard’s Folly (after giving his first one to Danton back in Sa Doma), the party have... particular requests.

Belli takes note of the “ Basilisk Tears “ potion. For 200 gold, she most definitely buys that and makes plans. Fast plans on the use.

On Luctan’s end, with the deal being made for Peter sponsoring the adventurers for the tournament to come, Luctan gives in to the support of the full party, now that they are all in the shop, as opposed to only half there. With the price for his sword’s modification being brought down to 1,000 gold and the helping hand of Mournimar, Amelia and Malak, who didn’t even want the share of money given to him, Luctan accets.

And hands his greatsword over to the gnome for the specific enchantments he requested.

Belli has that moment of realization, you know? The one, where you just know that you have to move, while the moving is available and contacts Ficus about the Potion of Basilisk Tears, a concoction that might JUST bring her family back to their old selves!

With the party’s blessings, she runs off towards the Crusty Challice, where Ficus will wait for her.

But she doesn’t go alone as Mournimar tails her, just to make sure she doesn’t get messed with, before getting to her older brother. All the while the rest of the group are welcomed to the back of the shop by Pete for training.

As the work out commences, Mournimar follows. And as he follows, he keeps an eye out for anyone shady that might be watching Belli on her way out of the walls of the city.

He doesn’t see anyone. But gets the feeling that he is watched. He investigates that feeling. He notices that someone in the crowd is watching him. Seems to be, looks like a bald older man, stocky built, little bit tall and for a second the tiefling swears there's the faint glimmer of horns in his shadow, but then they disappear. As does he as Mournimar tries to find him in the crowd. To no avail.

Regardless, he continues on the path to the tavern.

There’s a bit of a smog in the tavern as people’ve lit cigarettes and pipes. Belli and Ficus have a good long talk as she shows him the potion of Basilisk tears. They are shaken, misty eyed and anxious to see if it works. This horror that befell their family... It could end in the next couple of days!

By the time she hugs Ficus, Mournimar has entered the tavern and commenced watching over the shadyness that may be observed from the patrons.

Which is to say, he’s basically looking through a sea of shade.

He does notice, though, one of the bartenders has a sort of, finely shaped jaw and stood up black hair, a bit of stubble and seems to be watching Mournimar a bit more intently than normal.

Mournimar tries to stealth closer to the guy, even though he’s aware. He tries to figure out who the guy is, but he has no idea.

Eye contact is made between the two as the guy slides a glass with Brandy over to Mournimar and just continues with his work behind the bar.

Mourni has a leetl sip to make sure everything’s Gucci. Tastes like some of the brandy from around Bavorum. Nostalgic.

Through some small talk, Mournimar learns that the man’s name is “Joe”. Just a working Joe, you know?

It’s less of a talk and more of an interrogation as they don’t break eye contact.

“The brandy’s on the house, Mournimar.” the man answers with the name that the tiefling hadn’t given him. Like. At all.

No answer given on how he knows that.

He backs out the back door with a wink and Mournimar follows after her.

There’s no way the Half-Orcs don’t see this by now and they dash and jump on after the digitigrade ranger, who finds himself and Morgan out in the back alley, with no sign of the mystery man, named Joe.

He tries everything he can, from following tracks, to Hunter’s Mark, to Morgan’s snoofer, but nothing works. The man is just... gone.

With the Narahs catching up to him, he explains what happened and has to be talked down from pointlessly searching for a man, or whoever, who is just “GONE”.

It is then that Belli must explain to him that she has to leave Crystalgate with Ficus. To try the potion on her family. It’s hard on Mournimar, but the frazzled tiefling understands.

Belli hands him Orion and states that, if anything is to happen, she’ll call the others. They then agree to meet up with the others for a proper goodbye.

The others, by the way, doing pretty well for themselves in this new enviroment.

A deal has been made that every time Amelia does good in the training, Archie gets a treat.

Given that the chunky kitty is on his back, getting pats on his big belly from the baby, she’s killed this training.

The entire development has left the running quartet staggering back to the rest of the party. Mournimar doesn’t spot anything off on the way back. 

As everyone reconvenes, Mournimar gives them an update on the respective situations, giving in detail a description of this “Joe” character. He worries it could be related to Lazarus, his ex. Or Kahlia. Or Potencia herself. He gets calmed by Luctan’s wording on the subject.

“We’re a bunch of famous and attractive people. Let’s face it. we have fans.”

As the party splits up, with Belli making her goodbyes with the rest of the gang, Luctan Blesses her and Ficus, which catches Malak’s attention. Thinking about the type of magic being used, he can tell that, though holy, it is not one of the Five that has given Luctan his abilities.

With Belli and Ficus taking Kevin and Killer, the rest of the party opt to go to the circus on the outskirts of town.

“The Voluptani Mystique “, a big tent circus in the north-west part of town’s outskirts. It’s fabulous on the outside.

They pay and notice at the entrance, a red skinned tiefling woman with a long, ball gown dress, leaning against the booth she stood inside and she waves a hand over and leaves a small mark with Prestidigitation.

Lead inside,  it’s basically how you imagine a circus. An arena with seats around the circle. The four and their animal companions take a seat at the front as the Dancing Lights Cantrip flies around the tent, lighting and highlighting everything and everyone gathered, people of many walks of life. Just here for a little show to end the evening.

A cloud of smoke emits from the middle and the huge entrance of the tent swings shut.

Inside the cloud the lights start hovering, we can see the lights start changing color and go in different directions, erratic and suddenly there are hops from around the room where everyone’s sitting. And back in the middle, when they look, they see a high elf woman with pitch black hair falling long and wavy towards the bottom.

She stands with one hand in the air and one hand spread outwards towards the side. She pauses, looks around the audience and she whistles three high pitched notes. She snaps with her pointing up hand and the lights skatter, going right towards the audience. The cloud disappears and in the time it was there, the original woman is gone and there are two halflings, a man and a woman and they start doing all sorts of contortions. They entwine and roll in a ball. Throughout the whole show there is this almost hypnotic flute music. Pyrotechnic displays and after each one, there is a set of three elven dancer,s almost dangerously close as they maneuver around. Really fucking weird. A whole lot of illusion magic is happening here.

At one point the elven dancers starts flying around and Mallak, being a local, has seen this before.

After 3 hours of this weird bewhildering performance the entire room lights up and it’s completely clear and the original high elf woman, who’s actually an eladrin, is still in that same pose as when things started.

And she says “Thank you all once again, as always, please leave your tips with faith on the way out and thank you. She snaps with fingers and purple energy surrounds her as she leaves.

Bewhildered and amazed, Mournimar kinda wants to give this a go. Run away and joy the circus? Follow your dream, bud!

Having been in Crystalgate for a few years now, Malak had abided in a few viewings of the spectacle and, though it’s often with some modifications, it’s generlaly been the same good experience over time. He’s happy.

Amelia shares with the gang about the possibility of hanging out at Nel’s for a few days. As though there was any question on whether they would say “no” to such an offer.

 As the night covers the sky above Crystalgate, the party find themselves again at the rich sector of town, being watched by a guard.  Nel arrives at the gate, red faced after messaging Amelia. She forgot to give her a badge and was now paying the price with the run she had to make.

Sadly, though a talented bard,  Nel has the muscle content of a slug.

The party soon make it back to Shadowspire Manner, lead by Nel, after introducing Mal to the Half-Elven woman and sharing of Burk’s departure.

They are shown around. the rooms, the kitchen, everything they’d need, before she takes Amelia’s hand and leads her to her room. Nel’s room. She is the body guard and she must guard that body.

Mournimar and Malak opt to crash in Luctan’s room for the evening, deciding not to split the party any further than this.

Luctan watches out of a window for about an hour, while humming to the baby, before going to bed.

As Mournimar and Malak sleep, Mournimar has some kind of dream...

But Luctan doesn’t sleep.

No.

Instead, once he’s sure the others have fallen in rem sleep, he sneaks outside and goes for a short walk around the neighbourhood, doing whatever it is that he does at this time.

After coming back in, 5-10-20-to-30 minutes later, he feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up and notices a shadow close to Mournimar, with no one casting it.

Then it disappears.

After investigating out the window, Luctan goes to bed and meditates... on something else.....

Day 2 comes to an end.

Previous Episode / Halloween Episode / Next Episode

[bladekindeyewear]

Boots Reads Homestuck Epilogue(s) Part 11 - Candy Page 12

==>

Alright, looks like Jake and Jane had an active night and now Jake’s going to distance himself again.

Yeah you’re pretty afraid of closing this distance with Jane.  You REALLY don’t want it, do you?

JANE: Lighten up Jake! The election’s off! The economy is stable! Dirk is probably never going to talk to us ever again! And we just... we finally fucked. Hoo hoo hoo!

Okay seeing that “Hoo hoo hoo!” at the end of the sentence makes it really fucking uncomfortable somehow.

Something catches the corner of his eye, and he swivels his head around to see the Trickster Lollipop on his bedside table.

JANE I THOUGHT YOU WEREN’T GOING TO BE SUCH A SCUMBAG THIS TIME AROUND WHAT DID YOU FUCKING DO????

far more sets of underwear than the number of people accounted for in the room.

Yeah that sounds about like what might happen with the lollipop thrown in.

Okay at least it was Jake’s idea??? that makes it... ALMOST... better... but not really..??

Oh God, and Jake just does the pushover thing and rolls with it only because he thinks he SHOULD, not because he wants to.  Fuck.

==>

Mhmm.  There’s always a thick sense that “what would Bro tell me to do” was thick in everything Dave did hanging over him like a shadow.  Interesting that here it manifests as that Meta voice he was using in Meat or whatever.

Is Dirk even going to be there, or has he fled entirely?

Gamzee, what the fuck are you doing.  Forceful character arc intervention?  Is that what you did with Roxy somehow?

...is Gamzee toying with the narrative now that Dirk has fled or something??

...okay there’s some author worship going on or some such?

Dave how do you even know who Pagliacci is.

Okay there’s the Rose bot, and an ominous note.  Suicide note? Self-Decapitation note, again?  Hm.

==>

Epilogue Three

Okay, that’s some startlingly abrupt pathmaking toward suicide.  I was warned that there was a vivid description of the leadup to suicide in Candy somewhere, so I’ll try to talk only lightly about it as I read.

Your legs feel impressively powerful as you begin to climb the staircase

Nice Meat callback at least.

A flip of the cosmic coin has rendered your entire life completely inessential. What could you accomplish in a dead-end existence like this? There are no stakes. No meaningful challenges. No structures or themes—only residual chemical reactions in a dying brain, a physical system’s obligate compulsion to exhaust its own lingering momentum. A cockroach with its head cut off, waiting to die of thirst.

Wow, yeah, you REALLY can’t stand living in a world where you don’t hold some sort of Light-y relevance, can you?  So much so that you were willing to steal Light away from the story entirely just to have more to carry with you in the flipside.  Is this supposed to sort of embody the comeuppance you didn’t get in the other half, the way you’re offing yourself here?  Weird.

Your friends might derive some sense of fulfillment from satisfying the elementary obligations of self-preservation and self-propagation, but there’s nothing here for you. It doesn’t matter anymore.

HOW ABOUT LIVING HAPPY LIVES AND NOT GETTING STUCK IN COMAS YOU ASSHOLE

Seriously, that whole Meat part, the... the four things I really couldn’t stand being left with were Jane’s fate, Jade’s situation, ROSE’s unenviable situation, and Dirk being allowed to escape without consequence.  Three of my favorite characters left on doomed paths or basically IN COMAS, constantly having their agency quashed by others or forced away from anything that could have corrected their disastrous path (Jane’s) by Dirk’s meddling.  A line being drawn in the sand that clearly stated CANON ENDS HERE, before any of them could wake up or stop FUCKING SUFFERING.  Jesus Christ.  I just wanted some loose ends tied up by this epilogue, I didn’t need the characters’ POSSIBLE HAPPINESS to be left unresolved with a likely “NO” as the answer??!???  THEY DIDN’T COME ALL THIS WAY AND SACRIFICE AND WIN FOR JUST THAT!  DIRK STOLE THE FUCKING ULTIMATE REWARD FROM THEM OUT OF NOWHERE!

*breathes*

FUCK.  So, yeah, on to seeing Dirk either die or get stopped by Dave somehow because he still needs him or whatever.

Ew, self-decapitation indeed.  You narcissistic fuck.

When you think so little of yourself as a moral character, any act of self-termination will result in a death that is Just.

Huh.  So that influences the way the clock judges you, hm?

==>

A damn funeral, huh.

He looks at Roxy, who is staring at the floor, rather beside herself in grief.

Oh thank goodness, a glimpse at her line to Gamz had me thinking she was in weird happy-stuck Candy mode still, that would have fucked this scene a bunch.

...IS Dave really more eloquent than you, though?

Dave’s long speech--

Oh my gosh I just realized during this speech how UTTERLY FUCKED of Andrew people must have thought this Dirk suicide section was if they chose Candy FIRST.  Jesus dick.

End of speech.  Jane, stop being so remarkably fucking composed.  Unless Dirk’s plans and machinations really hurt you as much as you let on when you expressed seemingly-mock excitement that you’d “never hear from him again”.

Fuck you Gamzee.

ROXY: BRAVO!!! DAMN I FEEL LIKE IF I NEVER HEARD ANOTHER WORD THIS GUY EVER SAID THATD BE FINE BECAUSE THAT WAS ALL JUST SO *PERFECT*

Thanks for coming to your senses Roxy, better late than never I guess.

Dave dips down so that their noses are bumping. Karkat’s eyes are so wide it’s amazing they don’t pop out. For a moment, it looks like they’re going to...

John sneezes.

Oh COME ON, John.  :(

JOHN: i have no idea why i did that. now i have this whole memory in my head that i could have definitely lived without.

Me after reading the Meat epilogue.

Huh, offering to undo the death.  That IS potentially a little bit insensitive, as obvious and necessary a question it is to ask, even if the answer is no.

DAVE: dirk was a complicated guy DAVE: dude obviously had reasons for doing what he did DAVE: if you go back and just rewrite his decision DAVE: thats like denying him his personal autonomy

Exactly.

A courtesy that Dirk, funny enough, wouldn’t have given anyone else.  The fucking prick.

--Yep, they’re too far outside of canon for his retcon powers to work anymore.  Rose told him on the last day he could.

Roxy what the hell are you doing.

ROXY: we should get hitched

No, you should ANSWER WHY YOU LEFT CALLIOPE HANGING and THEN decide LIKE ADULTS to do whatever you all feel like doing.  This isn’t legitimate if you’re HIDING most of the situation in Voidy shadow!  If you really DO want this, then do it properly and HONESTLY!!!!

JOHN: you... JOHN: LOVE me?? ROXY: yea john i love you ROXY: wanna marry u and spend the rest of my life with u and pop out a bunch of cute lil buck toothed babies with you JOHN: oh, uh. haha, wow. roxy that’s um. JOHN: that’s a LOT.

Yeah, this isn’t how it should go.  WOULD go.  Something’s seriously wrong with Roxy right now and I hope John figures out how to bring them to the forefront so they can come to an honest decision.

Just a few weeks ago, Roxy was happy with Calliope, and now she wants to have his babies? John feels like he’s missing something important here, like he went for a bathroom break during the part of the movie where the plot twist happens.

Exactly.  And you haven’t even had time to process how you feel about HER again.  If something’s off, make it NOT off before you say yes.

Roxy practically attacks John’s mouth, she’s so excited. John shuts his eyes and kisses her back, still giddy and laughing against her lips. She kisses him until they’re both breathless, then pulls back so that she can gaze at him with glittering eyes.

ROXY: omg ROXY: were gonna be SO freakin happy!

Yyyyeah, THAT was ominous.  Someone’s definitely fucking with this situation behind the scenes.  ...Maybe Roxy’s been hitting the Lollipop too when the camera’s away from her?

==>

Dammit, we skipped to the wedding without resolving ANY of their fucking issues first.  This is bad.

--oh my god we skipped to months PAST the wedding too.

JOHN: jane and jake are kinda, um, together now. TEREZI: OH GOD JOHN: and she basically ordered jake to catch the bouquet “or else.” JOHN: i was seriously afraid for him. and then he didn’t even catch it!

Jane.  Jane, come the fuck on.

Can’t we get ONE TIMELINE where Jane doesn’t end up terrible????  D:

JOHN: yeah. they’re all dating. JOHN: or rather... jade is dating them both. JOHN: dave and karkat haven’t... exactly figured things out yet. JOHN: and as much as i love jade, i don’t actually think she’s helped matters by putting herself in the middle of it. TEREZI: HMM >:[ TEREZI: SOM3HOW TH4T DO3SNT S33M R1GHT JOHN: i know.

Jade, you can’t force these things!!!

Can’t we get ONE TIMELINE where Jade doesn’t end up unhappy???? D:

JOHN: now i have to pretend to laugh and think it’s funny when she makes jokes about being the next to “tie the knot.” TEREZI: WOW D1D SH3 R34LLY GO FOR TH4T DOUBL3 3NT3NDR3 JOHN: what? TEREZI: WH4T JOHN: what do you mean? TEREZI: N3V3R M1ND

Jegus Christ.  Terezi, WHY did you have to go there.  I’ve seen enough nsfw RP to know exactly the fuckery you’re alluding to with Jade, NO.

JOHN: things’ll probably work out with those three anyway. things always work out between old friends. JOHN: we’ve all known each other for too long for anything to cause a permanent rift.

Fucking allusions to the Meat section...  D:

...okay, babies time.  There are babies.  Or at least one Roxy pregnancy and that earlier Vriskgrub.

TEREZI: 1T JUST S33MS... K1ND4 F4ST

YES, YES IT DOES.

TEREZI: 1 4LR34DY H34RD 4BOUT HOW J4N3 1S D4T1NG BOTH J4K3 *4ND* G4MZ33 4ND UNFORTUN4T3LY 1 DO B3L13V3 1T

What the FUCK is going on.  Who’s manipulating everyone.  Gamzee maybe??

TEREZI: H4H4H4 1 HOP3 YOU H4V3NT S33N TH3 P1CTUR3 D4V3 TOOK JOHN: dave has a picture?! JOHN: wait, never mind. i don’t want to know, and i definitely don’t want to see it.

Yeah that’s a cursed image if I ever heard of one

JOHN: so, what did you think, talking to dave and karkat? JOHN: did they seem... happy? TEREZI: NOP3 JOHN: oh my god, i KNOW, right? JOHN: the whole thing is such a mess, it’s hard to be in the same room with them these days. JOHN: i don’t even know the full story because dave won’t talk to me about it anymore, and jade seems to think that everything’s going just fine.

Dammit Jade, you forced your way in too early!!!  D:

And why can’t Andrew at least PRETEND to give us a slight, fishing-line-thin possibility that Jade might POSSIBLY have any sort of chance at an endgame workable romance with ANY OF HER GOSH DARN FRIENDS AT ALL???????

>:(

I just want Jade to be happy okay jegus

TEREZI: 4 TRU3 K1SM3S1S 1S JUST 4S MUCH YOUR L1F3 P4RTN3R 4S YOUR M4T3SPR1T 1S

Interesting quadrant talk

TEREZI: TH3 PO1NT OF 4 K1SM3S1S 1S NOT JUST TO M4K3 YOU 4NNOY3D OR 3V3N 4NGRY TEREZI: TH3Y SHOULD PUSH YOU TO B3TT3R YOURS3LF TEREZI: TH3Y SHOULD SH1N3 4 L1GHT ON TH1NGS 4BOUT YOURS3LF YOU WOULD OTH3RW1S3 1GNOR3 OR D3NY

EXACTLY.  I’ve been saying that about good black relationships for years.  And Jade’s plowing in and fucking things up without really making things ANY better AT ALL for anyone but herself, and only temporarily and in her own head at that.  :(

TEREZI: 1F 1 W3R3 3V3R TO DO BL4CKROM 4G41N, 1T WOULD H4V3 TO B3 LOW K3Y

Yeah, really pushing at what happens in Meat and stuff.

I love Terezi’s text-emote faces.

==>

Page 17... Someone told me to watch out for “Candy 18″ without any elaboration or context, so maybe I’ll split the post after this page so I can get to that one fresh? Hm!

My stomach is down to a low anxious simmer, so that’s good compared to before.  Maybe reading this whole Candy thing isn’t going to be so bad.  I can’t believe I’m not even halfway through.

He’s not sure why he feels the need to hide the fact that he’s talking to her.

Dammit, John.

It should be a beautiful image, but something about it roils John’s gut.

???

Is he catching on to some weird manipulation going on behind the scenes with his own metatextual awareness or?

Yep, Harry Anderson, heh.

He was. What’s bugging him about it is that Roxy didn’t seem to have any suggestions of her own.

YEAH THAT’S A HUGE GODDAMN RED FLAG RIGHT THERE.  WHAT IS HAPPENING TO EVERYONE.

...Oh, huh.  Now John’s having a bit of panic about how everyone suddenly feels like things are completely resolved with Lord English when they aren’t.  And how Rose seems almost HYPNOTIZED into not worrying about it, along with many of the rest of them.

The three gals in the room exchange a series of concerned glances. Do they truly think he’s crazy? Are they hiding something from him? John can feel himself trembling. It’s not possible that he’s remembering this wrong, is it? It can’t be. If he presses his eyes shut, he can still see the lines of the black hole cracking space apart around him. It seemed like such a big deal at the time, and then suddenly it felt like nothing at all. Why?

Are they, though?  Do they know they’re in a split timeline of sorts, or...?

You’re the ones not doing okay, he nearly shouts, but then realizes it’s just going to make him sound crazier than he already looks.

Yeah this is all cracking at the seams.

ROXY: oh of course that makes sense

ROXY YOU’RE NOT THIS BRAINLESS WAKE THE FUCK UP

Hm, looks like John’s not as comfortable on the placid planet as he is with someone giving him SOME sort of broader purpose.  A lot like Dirk, but LESS FUCKED.

JOHN: i’ve got a beautiful wife who loves me, but it’s not enough. i can’t even talk to her about what we’re going to name our stupid kid without it turning into some weird thing where she just goes along with whatever i want. JOHN: even when all i want is for her to want something different than what i want!!!

It’s like Steven stuck in Rose’s Room with that Connie clone, SU-ways.

Alright, clicking the next button and starting page 18 in the next post.

[squishysvt]

Best Friend! Yuta

Word Count: 3.1k

A/N i havent posted in like 5 years and i have no excuse and this wasnt even requested but there is an extreme lack of yuta content and i decided to make it myself smh ANYWAYS i liked writing this a lot and feedback is encouraged!!! lov u lil squishies muah <33 -Admin Madi

ALSO this was inspired by this post from @xuxi-rolls and this post from @youaremychwingum which are both amazingly cute blogs and people so go check them out!

Backstory first! You two met in the 3rd grade when he was deep in his anime phase and you were obsessed with collecting erasers that were shaped like weird things such as lipstick tubes and paintbrushes

Yuta stole the paintbrush one and started using it like a sword like a character from his fav anime and boy when you saw him do that were you were like “im gonna do it. Im gonna kill him”

You literally stomped your lil sketcher clad feet over to his desk and YANKED that shit from his chubby fingers with zero remorse

And he started crying and you felt bad and were like “well fine you can have it i guess”

And he immediately stops his FAKE crying bc hes a snake and sticks his tongue out at you as he snatches the eraser back

And you went into full Attack Mode and you two got into a small fist fight and the teacher had to break it up it was nasty

Anyways after you two went through the next year having some major beef, yuta apologised bc he’s a gentleman and even bought you a new eraser!

It was shaped like a dinosaur and you loved it so much that you instantly forgave him bc you didnt have an eraser in that shape yet!!

And he was beaming after seeing ur face light up like that and proudly pulled a matching dino eraser from his back pocket and was like “we match!! We can be best friends now!”

And you Loved that idea you were like yes okay first order of business: more erasers

Anyways you two just instantly clicked bc ur sense of humor was v v similar and life became so much more enjoyable with having him there to share the experience with you

Throughout ur many years of friendship, Yuta had always wanted nothing more than for your friendship to be comfortable, honest and loving

You’re the one that he rants to, gushes to and confides to so your friendship to him is so precious

And as you grew older and gained more freedom, both of you started to do more things outside of school like go on late night drives, go to the movies, amusements parks and out to eat every other day

And it became natural and routinely that going days without one another felt weird??

And you and yuta have discussed the idea of maybe you two being soul mates, but in a completely platonic way

Like you were two halves meant to come together

And yuta liked to reinforce this idea bc when it comes to being lovers, you shouldn’t be looking for your other half, but rather looking for the person who already makes you feel whole

And so when y’all graduated from high school you immediately got an apartment together!

It’s definitely not very fancy or anything since you both only had part time jobs here and there during the school years and summers, but it’s better than nothing!

And although yuta and you are similar, your styles are where you really begin to differ

While he wants to have pictures of mountains and gardens hanging on the living room walls, you would rather have mirrors shaped like suns and fairy lights behind the couch

And obviously after some friendly banter, you come to an agreement that a painting of pretty outside scenery at night would look great with some fairy lights to compliment it!!

And so your apartment quickly becomes a mesh of your style with his and it’s oddly nice?? Like who would’ve thought that yuta’s knick knacks from japan would look so cute next to your family photos

It’s a two bedroom apartment but you both end up sleeping on the couch in a heap more often than you’d like to admit

You’re both in uni doing ur own things so when its time to come home and relax, you’ll find yourself curled up next to him on the couch with your laptop open and writing a paper while he’s munching on some snacks and watching a game of soccer he missed bc of classes

And you’ll quickly fall asleep bc papers are boring!! And yuta doesnt want to move bc your laying on him and doesnt want to disturb you so he’ll just quietly cheer to himself when his team scores and eventually falls asleep

But sometimes he has no problem lightly shoving you off and going to his own bed bc the couch isnt really that comfortable and hurts his back after awhile, but he brings your duvet out so its more comfortable for you at least

And although you two are pretty much joint at the hip, your bedrooms are private from one another

Like its nice being with yuta, but its also very important that you have time to yourself and so neither of you are intrusive when the other person is in their room with the door shut

If either of you need anything you’ll just shoot each other a text or quietly knock on the door rather than just barging in which is something that both of you really appreciate

And you obviously have other friends besides yuta that you love dearly! And you make sure that you get to see them often and that yuta goes out with his friends too bc its easy to get sick of each other no matter how much you love one another

And this makes for your friendship to be healthy! Which is like, the most important thing bc being your own person is important and having close relationships/friendships is also important! But its easy to get too attached and end up hurting yourself down the road

And yuta is aware of this as well and so it makes things a lot easier bc he knows when you need your space and when to distance himself if he needs it too

But living with yuta is a lot of fun!

He likes to cook sometimes so you’ll always have a full tummy with yuta around!! And if he's not in the mood for slaving over the stove, he’ll just make some instant noodles and call it a day

He really tries to make as many traditional japanese dishes as he can so he can have a slice of his home whenever he’s feeling down, and he just really enjoys sharing that part of his life with you too

Undoubtedly his favorite part is when he gets to hand feed you with a spoon and witness the look on your face as you chew bc it’s really rewarding for him

Sometimes your schedules kind of clash on days so whenever he’s home and you’re in class, he’ll make food for himself and leave you tupperware containers of food in the fridge for you to heat up when you get back bc he knows you’ll just crash and not eat which is really bad

And yuta cares about ur health!!! He’s attentive as heck!!

But you’ll do the same thing for him, and even if you aren't a world renowned chef, you’ll lay cash on the counter for him to call in a pizza or something quick

If you know he’s been craving something then you’ll leave the number for the place next to the money you leave so it makes ordering a bit easier for him!

Also, yuta is very organized! Sometimes he’ll throw his jacket here and there or have some things where they shouldn’t be, but yuta really likes having a clean and tidy apartment!

He hates doing the dishes, but he’ll literally do anything else

He likes to vacuum for some reason you dont know but you’re like okay have at it! One less thing i gotta do! And he’s really happy once he’s done bc BAM you have clean floors

And you’ll just be sarcastic about it but in a loving way and he laps that shit up bc sarcasm!!! His second language <333

You two have a nightly routine that ensues when neither of you are busy the next day so  you’ll watch a movie on netflix you’ve been eyeing together and crash

Sometimes when yuta gets home on these nights you’ll still be in the shower or getting ready for bed, and yuta will come in and sit on the counter and you’ll talk about your day and just chill while shampooing ur hair (which yuta is obsessed with btw..he loves touching and playing with it)

But he’ll just be there,,listening closely and telling you about his own day while drawing squiggly images on the mirror like hearts and stick figures holding hands (its always you and him, but when you ask, he insists its him and winwin)

And you laugh bc boy does ur bff ever have a massive crush on sicheng!!

But yuta is just cute and likes your platonicness with him

Bc he really does love you! People often ask you two if you’re dating and you can see why people would ask that bc you and yuta are super close, but it’s also kind of an odd thought to both of you bc yeah you love each other but,,,not as lovers

And so you’ll laugh it off and talk about it afterwards bc you really cant see each other in that light because you tried dating in high school and it just felt kind of weird

Yuta loves to tease and joke around with you, sometimes be a little (read; lot) sarcastic with his jokes but he really does care about u and thats how he shows his affection!!

He’ll hold ur hand when ur out at the grocery store or shopping together and likes to pat your head and plays with your ears but thats about it for physical affection!

You’re emotionally bonded more so than physically which is not a bad thing uwu

Yuta finds it kind of hard to openly joke around to the same extent with others as he does to you and knowing this makes you feel really special

Like yeah!! Thats right!!! Im his best friend!!

Yuta also LOVES to dance with you

It doesn’t matter if it’s serious or not, he will not hesitate to pull you up onto ur feet and have you dancing with him

ESP to sistars shake it! Y’all have so much fun when that song comes on

At first this was embarrassing but then yuta would just NOT stop shaking his butt so you were like oh well lets both look cutely dumb i guess

And you’ll get noise complaints a lot bc the walls are thin and you’re moving around, creating a lot of noise and you feel especially bad when this is all happening at like,,,3am

Anyways you live kind of a fast pace life so whenever you gotta be somewhere you kinda fly out the door with ur feet shoved into ur shoes with the backs down and yuta will silently come behind you and remind you to slow down and will bend down and personally make sure they’re on properly so you don’t trip and die

It annoys him sometimes bc you should be taking better care of yourself and he’s not always going to be there to look after you and that worries him!!!

To allow him to sleep a little better at night, he bought you slide on shoes that you can easily shove on and fly out the door so he won’t have a heart attack at the thought of you falling down some stairs due to the hastiness of which you put your sneakers on improperly

And he’s also the one who is like “hey its been a couple of months so i bought you a new toothbrush bc dental hygiene is important” and you’re like “okay nice i just bought some new toothpaste on sale the other day, it’s minty so i think you’ll like it”

And this is how you two co-exist in ur shitty lil apartment

Yuta is also into soccer so you always make sure to go and support him at his games! Even if they’re just practices or whatnot, you’ll always be on the bleachers cheering for him!

Which yuta LOVES because he’ll point you out to his teammates and be like “thats my best friend, ugly, right?” and they’ll just laugh bc of his teasing and they can tell you two really get along

And yuta is uwu x100 at this

Anyways yuta likes to show off and do fancy tricks like sliding on the grass to get the ball and he’s all dirty when you get back to ur apartment together and you wont let him touch anything bc that means more cleaning which neither of u have the energy for

So you’ll basically make him take VERY large and wide steps towards the bathroom so he can shower and leave minimal dirt behind as he does so

And then he’ll come out of the shower with wet hair and clean up the tracks he left with a paper towel but he’ll go in circles for a good 30 seconds wiping up dirt and then water from his wet hair

And you’ll observe him and laugh for a bit before you’ll drape a fluffy towel over his head and he’ll pretend to be scared and ask who turned off the lights

To which you nudge him and call him a dork, but when he takes the towel off and get to look at his face, you tell him he did a great job at the game and his eyes will change from playful teasing to filled with genuine love in .5 seconds and he’ll instantly wrap you in his arms

And you’ll find warmth in his embrace and wonder why he smells so good and then you’ll realize he’s using your shampoo

You’re like okay well, sigh, whatever its okay bc hes cute i guess so we can share

And then yuta will pull away, give your head an affectionate pat and go work on a paper or something due for school

Which you both do a lot of late night paper writing sessions and so when he tells you he’s retreating to his room for the night you’ll go and cut up some fruit and gather some snacks he likes and bring them to him before he becomes too absorbed in schoolwork

And he does the same to you except he brings you a lot of water since its “important to stay hydrated~!” and will cover you in his favorite blanket bc he claims it “helps you write better papers”

And you arent allowed to refuse bc one time you tried to and yuta was like “okay well i guess i’ll be moving out then” and you’re like okay i know you’re joking but its hot in here i dont want to have a blanket on me

And yuta starts to dramatically pick things off of shelves until he’s saying things like “i’ll be out by morning since im not appreciated” and you’re rolling your eyes so hard you think they’ll go to the back of your head but its like okay fine thank you for your magic blanket houdini

Yuta just winks at you and does a theatrical bow before putting everything back and leaving you to write your magical paper

ANYWAYS thats what most nights are like, full of playful banter and fun talks

You also both THRIVE off the dollar store which is literally everything bc you two get so excited going in there!

They have everything so its like?? This place is my Second Home and i Love it Dearly

And yuta likes to buy candy there since its so cheap and one time when you were looking for a new broom, he wanders off and comes back with his hands behind his back and is like “guess what i found!!!”

And this is nothing new because yuta gets excited about the cutest things so you’re like “gum?”

And his smile gets all wide and bright like i KNOW you know the one im talking about, it’s literally kept me alive for the past 18 years

And he’ll bring his hands out and WOW ARE THOSE ERASERS THAT ARE SHAPED AS SMALL ORDINARY OBJECTS??

And you just want to CRY bc thats literally the sole being of your friendship in his HANDS!

Yuta is proud as heck and buys two matching ones for you two and they’re of paintbrushes in honor of the one he snatched in the third grade!

Which makes your heart so happy and content

But thats the effect yuta has on you! Someone who always manages to have you smiling and happy with life

But he does end up buying candy bc its basically your duty as a human to buy some expired candy from the local dollar store

And yuta really loves the flavor blue raspberry, esp if its sour and he finds a bag of sour jolly ranchers and goes nuts

And he picks out and religiously eats only the blue ones, a red one makes the cut here and there, but you’re like?? Yuta?? Can i atleast have ONE? And he rarely ever shares but its like okay whatever enjoy your cavities heathen

And you’ll clown the shit out of him bc his tongue is blue, his teeth are blue and the area around his mouth is blue and you cant just let that pass

And he’ll laugh when you try and come up with palpable things to call him, and when you’re both giggling uncontrollably, he’ll try to kiss your cheek bc he’s all sticky and he knows that would drive you mad

And its the same with his fingers bc theyre all blue and sticky too and he’ll hold your hand so hard that your fingers stick together and youre like yuta!!!! But you really secretly enjoy it

And then you’ll go home with bags full of god knows what and struggle to find places for everything but its okay bc the memories that come with the plastic bags and erasers from your childhood remind you why you love yuta as much as you do

Can you tell i love yuta yet or is this au too vague <3333

[lovelysad1114]

its only getting worse

i just checked out my old pictures, then cried a lil uncontrollably.. 1-2 years ago when i was working in customer service for my previous company, i felt absolutely miserable because it was such a demeaning occupation that i was apparently overqualified for. yet i cant find anything better than that. as a matter of fact im not good at anything cuz i didnt follow the conventional path to go to college picking a major thats directly corresponded to a career path. i was so miserable and unhappy over there cuz the job i was doing was dumb AS FUCK. how could someone this wise like me end up doing stupid shit like that? so i decided that i wanted to be a programmer, if i cant become a full-time programmer hired by local companies, i could find remote jobs online etc. i studied so hard at night, on the subway station which ultimately ruined my neck, during the weekends... i was motivated because of that demeaning stupid job. it was a constant reminder that i could do better, i could achieve more, that im capable of more than just that. so i just put it up, sucked it, and studied another skill at the same time. i hated it but each day i accomplished my goal i felt incredibly joyous and satisfied.

what the heck am i doing right now? nothing. i have zero income, on top of that, im not making any actions towards anything. im watching my youth fly by. i used to be so industrious... but now? im not even motivated to do the easiest thing possible. im lazy af. im also too scared of a potentially failed outcome. probably my goal is of a grandiose nature, im procrastinating because deep down i know theres a great chance that im gonna fail... this is a vicious cycle that perpetuates itself. actions must be taken, i must do something rather than nothing. 

10 years ago when i was 13 or something in middle school, i peaked... i was so industrious. i studied so hard and i received great reward, despite i have OCD. i used to the a top student in school... glorious days..

now, it seems as if my goal has no end. it seems as if theres absolutely no promise that my goal’s gonna be achieved. but still i think i should go for it.just for the sake of reviving the old me, deducted the overweight/obese/shy/reserved aspect... i want the hard working old me back...

i mean im here, how can i give up all my skills? now im able to utilize my english, it is conversational, even though im not good at it and it comes and goes, i can’t lose it, because ive put so much work and effort into it. also ive put so many hours in learning programming, i also can’t lose that skill. i have learned a lot throughout like 5 years since i left high school, regardless of certain stagnation periods in between.

its like everything’s reoccuring just like nietzche and camus said... we’re like pushing that rock up the mountain again and again, only to see it rolling down the mountain.... when my sister was pregnant with my niece i was at a loss in life. and my life was miserable as my lil niece being taken cared of by my parents at home, i was staying at home every day all day stuck with them having nothing to do... but i did try to learn english and lose weight, those turned out fine. that was all that ive done... that was like 5 years ago when i collapsed... when my sister was pregnant with my nephew, i quit my customer service job. since then ive been staying at home with my parents and my nephew whos taken cared of by them... it has been nearly one year. he was born very close to my niece’s birth day. this is terrifyingly coincidental!i its like im going through all this shit all over again! except this time its 10 times more intolerable. cuz im 5 years older. times ticking. health’s deteriorating. im returning back to the state where i used to be at 5 years ago.

funny how i dont even have a strong and clear, realistic and executable goal in mind. currently the goals i have are greatly dependent on luck as well as the mentality of the herd which i see theres no promising future or guaranteed outcome. this scares me, leaving me paralyzed to move forward. 

but maybe it doesn’t have to be like this. since im already strayed away from the “right track”, i might just as well go along with it. i’ll take a bet, i’ll gamble my youth on something im truly passionate about. i want to educate myself, and spread that knowledge to the world. if i can’t achieve my goal and what not, i think u know what u should do.

waiting is definitely not a solution. it’s silly and stupid af to keep waiting. anxiety will build up inside u. u know this doesn’t feel right. so fucking do something already. dont use ur parents and ur nephew as excuses. u can do better i assure u. u were able to do so much and now u can do it too. consider this ur last battle, if u lose, the cost would be ur identity, urself.

[bigbrothermonopoly]

EPISODE 4:

HOH: ANDREW

EVICTED: SILENCE 8-4

JESS: 

Pandora's box. You are kidding me right? I'm done. bye.

JESS:

Actually jk jk. I'm not done. Clearly this was an inside job. Two people pooled their money together and clearly got it. The real question is... will this get back to me or not. I'm so discouraged right now. I feel like for some reason people don't trust me? I'm going for HOH right now but I ALSO don't want to hear what other people think I should do with it if I get it.BUT also I should worry about that if/when it happens. WE ARE MANIFESTING THIS WIN LADIES! This are still too shaky in this house. I need more answers. I need more people. I just need a pint and a side hoe and I'm good. Everyone seems to be pairing up and I feel like I have no one to turn to right now. We got: Kristine and Chris Brien and Madison Eve and Mackenzie APPARENTLY: Dem and Andrew Austin and Silence Gwen and herself.. Kori and his "I'm in the army" references Me and my paranoia. THAT'S A LOT OF DUO'S in this game. ugh. I JUST NEED A PERSON someone I can trust. Someone who I know is going to ride with me for a while and I just don't see that happening. Which means crackhead Jess will come out eventually. So yeehaw. Also Eve wanting to take out people I'm close with like Will and Brien... no. NO. NOPE. Not happening. 

EMMA:

I think i am safe this week right now i am just trying to maintain my relationships in the house its still a little bit hard to see whos in power but i am told i am safe this week i hope i can win either week 5 or week 6 hoh because thats when those hoh effects the game.

KRISTINE:

IMMA TELL U WHATS UP!!! My life is a mess. I bought a property and Emma has the other one. We just need to find out who has the last one. And I swear to lord Jesus if it’s Gwen I’m going to be PISSEDDDD. That girl has got to goooo. I’m really nervous about Andrew being HOH because I know Chris is in danger and he’s literally my #1 person in this game. Me him and Emma need to make it through this round. I hate that Chris made an alliance that included Gwen and Brian. Since Brian knows our secret and Gwen is a great social player and honestly a comp threat that no one is taking notice of. It IS only round 4 which is fine but still... I don’t want to compete against someone like Gwen. Because I’ve trusted that person before and got super screwed. Thankfully, Chris agrees with me. Anyways. Please send me more money :))) my Venmo is https://venmo.com/code?user_id=2882981236572160313 PLEASE SEND MONEY

JESS:

Who gave out free samples of crack to the house? Last night I had a weird call with Eve. Essentially it seems like she wants Mackenzie to be given a power of the next property we buy so she can control the power via Mackenzie. I feel so bad for Mackenzie because when I've spoken to her she seems kind of discouraged about the way Eve talks to her sometimes. Which I totally get because I'm sometimes kind of shook by it all.  I reassured Mackenzie not to take it personally I just think Eve gets a tad bit overexcited with everything and kind of just shoots her shot. BUT. If these bitches think I'm their bitch they are GREATLY mistaken. In what world does me not getting the power this time when I literally gave up a property and money for Eve to get a power last time, work? If I was them I'd be throwing the power at my someone who isn't in the duo to make me feel safe and secure. I'm not giving up money and another power again, it ain't happening again. Kristine is all in my pm's now trying to figure out what is going now when it soooo transparent she doesn't trust me. Either Emma told her what I said about her and I not talking or homegirl really thinks that I haven't been hearing that she was leaking I was in a trio with Tawni and Gwen last round? Andrew being in power is good for me. He said he won't be putting me up, Eve wastes her power (although I kind of wanted it for us Chris going opens up the game a little more and takes a number away from the other "side" I see forming), and I think Andrew doing this will put some doubt into people's heads. This is all good for my game because it pushes another couple targets in front of me. My only concern right now is that Eve is going to expose that I traded her for that property.

KORI:

Alright checklist for the past 24 hours... Got both utilities to make the Monopoly... Check. Received the option to Open Pandora's Box as a result, and Opened it... Check. Is likely to get fucked over as a result of whatever twist comes of it... Check. Lost HoH and wasn't even close with Andrew winning it... Check. Was told that I was supposedly safe this week by the HoH... Check. Watched the Light Blue Properties get snagged with not much way to speculate who has them... Check. Missed out on $80 in Live Comps because I stayed after a bit at work and was driving... Fucking Check. I think that's everything, guess now I'm just gonna twiddle my thumbs a bit and hope Andrew isn't gonna nominate or backdoor me.

AUSTIN:

Su Andrew is HoH this week and he has nominated Madison and Silence for eviction but....I heard that he wants to backdoor Chris. I’m 100% ok with Chris going home because he always wants information from me but he never wants to give me any info in return. I was also picked for veto and I do not want to win because my Power Trap alliance wants the veto not to be used while my Mandela Monocles alliance wants it used on Silence so either way it goes if I won I would be screwed. Basically I threw the veto competition.

CHRIS:

HAHAHAHAH , if this isn’t a backdoor, I’m stupid. I know this is the case. For all that don’t know, me and Andrew are rivals because I targeted him in the last HoH competition and had people go after him. This caused him to be very butt hurt and a little bitch. Like bro , it’s a HoH completion where your dominating.. of course I’m going to go after you. I don’t care you called me safe, you are a threat since day one. Now I have Dem coming to me telling me all this information like bro.. what is you doing 😂. Thanks for feeding me information, you are not even in my final 5 but thanks for helping me ! This house is great and I know this backdoor won’t go through unless I’m over my head. Andrew , next time you have a chance, you should of gone for the head. 

ANDREW:

episode 4 So my plan for this week as of right now I’m gonna nominate madison and silence because they didn’t message me saying anything If chris gets picked for veto eve is going to use her veto redraw Hopefully veto is used by the winner I backdoor Chris Baby goes bye bye But also this pandora’s box is more than likely to fuck with me this week :/ My prediction is vote flip but i’m just going to carry on as normal cause i can’t ruin my game due to paranoia also my top 2 allegiances rn are Eve and Jess Lowkey scary that im not in any set alliances yet cuz i know there do be some probably But its okay bc it might work to my advantage later on when im the free agent that these whores need ALSO MARk my words here. If William nominates me when he gets hoh hes a fucking FRAUD he made a deal w me safety for safety and its a good thing cause i was going to nominate his ass instead of silence So far everything is going according to plan and Chris will be out of the house by the end of this week, Obviously if me silence or madison win there will be veto use William said he would use veto aswell Only thing: i’m rly bad at puzzles I lowkey hate that I talk so much in the house chat but I cant help it............I dont want peeps to think im annoying...Sorry I just wnt to contribute to everything its like a disease There is no better feeling than having Chris shake in his boots :heart: You rly fucked with the wrong twink babe He thinks he has the votes to stay. I just have to laugh Especially since he tried to discredit me telling him I was a threat to his game with the simple words of "Bet" Bitch Ill show u bet rq. This is gonna be a split vote i cant wait for this to potentially blow up in my face I am deadass providing a list for SIlence on people he needs to campaign to Like this bitch is not leaving the house My loyalties 

GWEN:

I really want Chris to stay. We’ve become really close in this game. People don’t know how close we actually are. If they did, my alliance would probably just want him out. The vote will be split, and sides will be chosen. Eve is trying to threaten everyone into voting Chris out. She is saying it’s a unanimous vote. Please. It’s clearly split. She needs to goooooo. Please please Chris stay!!

JESS:

What a fucking mess this vote is. This is what happens when cocky people get cocky and assume they have people on lock. I adore Eve and Andrew but... they should have thought this out a little better. I just.. I'm just.. I'm fucking livid. I don't get where Miss Thing Evelyn gets off saying stuff like "That’s my plea, stick your neck out and you will be rewarded". What are you going to reward me with? You warming the seat on the block for me after I'm gone because I sided with you? Thanks but if I wanted a seat warmer I'd go to Target not Walmart. But in all honesty, it's not like I don't want to do this move. I 10000% was into the idea but that's because I was sold the dream of it. I thought Andrew had more pull than he actually does. I knew Eve didn't have as much pull as she thought but Andrew I was wrong about. I was in a decent spot. I think? Kind of cruising the middle and now that spot is being blown up because it is CLEAR Andrew/Eve don't want to be the only ones to take the fall for this move. BUT.. I don't trust Dem to 1000% not get paranoid and flip and I don't want to be sitting on the sinking ship fucking alone. Dem is apparently going to just vote Chris so I guess I'm going to vote for Chris and hope for the best at this point. 

AUSTIN:

This week has been CRAZY! Basically Andrew won HoH and he wants Chris gone but he wants to backdoor him so he puts up Madison and Silence. Madison ends up winning the veto and Andrew replaces her spot with Chris. My dilemma is that I am in an alliance with Chris and Silence. I think Chris needs to go first because he is very sketchy. Also Silence can go next week easily. On top of all of this, I have been put in 2 alliances that I didn’t even know were forming. Each alliance wants somebody different to go home but I’m hoping that we have enough votes to evict Chris. 

JESS:

Also Brien is a shady ass hoe and I will be exposing his relationship if he fucks me with this vote. Plus, I knew his ass bought a property and traded it Emma with Kristine and didn't tell me. He's keeping secrets from me and I'm not playing this game like season 1 Sansa I'm playing this game like last season Cersei. No fucks given. I'll probably die soon. His ass is playing the middle and if I win he is going UP. Sorry but this isn't the Bachelor it is BIG BROTHER.

WILLIAM:

I'm so excited cause it looks like this is the vote that will get the game going! I love everyone and want to stay together but like I'm so ready to draw this line in the sand and cause some chaos going!

WILLIAM:

I dont know what Eve's deal is with this threatening game tactic, telling people "The vote will be 12-0" or "Is you dont vote with me it will be a mistake" but I cant wait to see her face come eviction night 😈

KRISTINE:

Absolutely no way in hell i'm letting Chris get evicted. I refuse to let my #1 ally go home because of Andrew's ego being bruised. I'm hoping that my deal with Emma and Brien goes through and that she is able to use the power to basically threaten everyone into voting the way that they said they were going to vote. Again, I REFUSE to let Chris go home this week. Not that I have anything against Silence because he's just like... there but I'm more worried about who is staying versus who needs to go. Anyways, Emma better not be lying about using this power now... or else I will come for her. Chris is like my little brother who is older then me and I will protect him at all costs that I can!

EMMA:

MACKENZIE:

i am NOT looking forward to this vote??? i still don’t know what im doing but i think this is going to be a shitshow

KORI:

So Kristine has dropped a shit load of Tea on me, which has led me to question everything. APPARENTLY there's a Gwen-Chris-Kristine-Brien Alliance. Additionally there was a Chris-Austin-Dem-Kristine alliance. (Though that 2nd one is kaputz with Austin wanting Chris out and Dem being upset with Austin.) Emma got that Vote Reveal which presumably, Myself and Jess know, and I can only imagine Kristine and Brien probably know given they were the other Light Blue property holders that both agreed to give the properties to Emma. So at the very least that's not a power I have to outright fear because I know who has it, I know what the Utilities did. (Sortof, still waiting on that Pandora's Box) The Browns are presumably gone assuming that Veto Shuffle was a one time thing. (That power honestly makes sense since Early on it's Useful but later in the game it'd be worthless.) Unfortunately either Eve or me is being hustled and given that Eve has a biased opinion others know about in relation to this vote, I'm liable to believe more people would lie to Eve about voting Chris than me just because I'm not a biased person right now. If it weren't for the heart to heart me and Chris had as well as really hashing it out with Gwen I don't think I'd be keeping Chris, however based on what I know about the Chris-Dem-Kristine relationship (Thanks Kristine) I doubt Dem was actually with Eve for the vote anyway, which means for Chris to go I'd have had to convince either Gwen or Emma to vote him out which we all know is against their best interests. My best bet right now is to try and recover from any blunders from this round with as much social capital I can walk away with and hope whatever happens with Pandora's Box doesn't just completely screw me over. I'm just ready for this headache of a week to be over, but given it's a live comp next, I'm expecting this next round to be just as trash.

[survivor-rebelsvsroyals]

EPISODE 10: I’m aligned with idiots - Ruthie

A little switcherooooo haha I wanted Seamus gone so badly. He was truly insufferable to talk to most of the time. Not because I don’t like him, but because he would constantly ask for info without supplying anything back. You learn valuable information in this game by strategically giving information. I feel like he just needed to be more upfront and I would have trusted him more. Instead he ended up looking slipperier than a wet lasagna noodle. So I love that Asya and Dane are building these targets on their back by using idols and stuff. I honestly see myself getting better than 7th (hopefully). I have been somewhat sliding under the radar but still being involved in these bigger moves without getting much blood on my hands. I think that as long as Asya and Dane continue to have this OTTN3, CPN kinds of displays, I can sit back, enjoy the show, and have clean hands for FTC. The thing that scares me though is that I will not have the direct moves that Asya made. But honestly my UTR game is something I’m working on and something I would reward with the win as a Jury member.

i was so happy to meet seamus because i knew amanda already and liked her but i didn't know seamus and it was nice and new i love meeting new friends. i think he's FUNNY. COOL. NICE. LMFAO. and i thought seamus and i would be F3 like tight tight best allies. but every hoe coming out being like "love seamus, my best ally, i was so close to him" like bitch me too the fuck!!! little crackhead !!!!!!!! who was ur real f2??? what's this i hear about an alliance with anabel and dane???? still love him. 

* a little while later after that*

i miss amanda ugh we would be calling and stressing about votes and it's thursday night right now and i have friday saturday sunday off work and we could've called and had fun times and be rats. the game got interesting when we merged and then she died like i hate my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and seamus too ugh and they're both gone. and now all i do is talk to sweet john and get high hehe. i hate that i'm also on the opposite schedule of rtp and ruthie i'd like to get to know them more.

As much as I miss my daily memes from Seamus...  I'm not too sad that he's gone.  If I made it to the final three with him he would have won HANDS DOWN.  he was playing hard and I respect that but I need to keep on keeping on! I'm now in an alliance that Seamus made with the Ryans and Linus.  I trust them all to and all but I trust John more than ANYONE else in this game.  I'm playing around with the idea of telling him I'm in an alliance.  I also kind of want to tell Dan but I'm scared then word would get back to Asya and Dane.   I just really want to keep playing both sides and see what happens! When I get caught I'll just deal with it, lol. I'm pretty sure Linus and Lachie also playing two sides.

*two seconds later*

My big mouth just told Dan about the alliance I have with RTP, Ryan and Linus that Seamus made.  WHY DO I TELL EVERYONE EVERYTHING?? I am so bad at this LOL. I trust Dan but he's no fool, I know it is going to get back to Asya and Dane and then my alliance is going to disown me; Interesting though, he told me that he heard Lachie's name and I really thought that Lachie was with Dan, Asya and Dane. Part of me keeps wondering if I should have voted Ryan out that first merged tribal, I am so crackedt right now. I feel like the rat that is scampering off from group to group and I just have this feeling that my time is going to be up tonight.  I don't know who to trust and who not to trust at this point.  I talk to Dan and John the most and I do talk to Linus a good bit but like... I'm just in constant conflicted mode.   I do like the idea of Dan and I working together if he is with Asya and Dane and I stay with the others.  We could secretly feed each other information or something but hopefully I didn't just ruin my entire game.

*later*

I think??? I should be safe.  Dan told me that he ALSO is in an alliance with Dane, Asya and Pippa which Pippa being aligned with them REALLY surprised me.  I thought she was just doing her own thing and living her best life but it really makes a lot of sense.  I think that we will eventually pull John in and make an alliance with just the three of us.  Also I'm thinking that Lachie is going to go which would be the BEST case scenario for both Dan and myself and maybe starting next week we can start kicking members off of each alliance that isn't myself or Dan. I don't want to get cocky but I feel like I'm in a really good position right now and that Dan is officially my ride or die in this game.

This vote seemed too easy???? Like it landed on Lachie and I’ve heard nothing else? I’m just like nervy. I opened up to Ruthie today about my position in the game. She and I compared notes..... and alliances. We figured out we were kind of on either side of the game. We promised to keep the info we told each other under wraps, which I intend to do. Ruthie is a likable person and down the line a sleeper threat to win, I just want options. She seems to be willing to cough up some info from time to time so we’ll see where this leads. I’m just paranoid bc I feel like it could very well be me this round? Idk. I also don’t really care lmao

*a half hour later*

So now it flipped to RTP? I love that but I’m always the last to know and I’m getting #overit

ok so i cant make a video bc jacob is here but heres the rundown lost immunity, ryan m won who do i want gone the most? rtp fuck that man. however, lachie didn't even submit for the challenge so people are like ok lets just do him which like?? fine?? i guess?? fuck lachie too cause he's another traitorous ass bitch, but i'm not scared of him. i can kill him later. so when i hear john wants him to stay and for a royal to leave, suddenly he and i are best buddies again. he wanted pippa but like i just spent the last round telling pippa i would fight for her and so thats what i did! i told john that we needed pippa and that i could make her vote rtp, so now, what i'm being told is that myself, dane, dan, pippa, lachie and john are voting rtp. only guess what? the others aren't voting lachie anymore. no prizes for guessing who these bitches flipped onto (: anyways now that lachie isn't in danger it's very likely that he would flip on me, making it 5-5 instead of 6-4. in a tie, these bitches will absolutely flip on me. like i just know it. maybe i'd have dane and dan but thats it. and that pisses me off. i feel like i've been working my ass off and to have it end here is like... mentally i know it's good for me bc this game drives me crazy but like. i fucking deserve to get farther than people who don't even play the game. i just do. i owe that to myself. anyways. dane thinks he can get linus on board as well. i tried patching things up w linus and he left me on read so like i don't see why he wouldn't vote me. not hopeful there. if i'm voted out let it be known that i remain the baddest bitch in this game and i will be an incredible demon at ftc. thank u and goodnight. ps stream jackboot jump

My alliance hoping for rocks?  I'm aligned with idiots. I've told Dan EVERYTHING I've been hearing all day and I really hope it doesn't all come back to bite me on the ass.  He's gotten very quiet and isn't the only one.  Suddenly everyone is quiet and that is never a good thing right before a vote is due, it makes me think that it has been changed to me.  SURELY these people would tell me right?  I've had the curtesy to tell people when it is them to be a suck up... SURELY people will tell me too... RIGHT? I don't know. Rocks is beginning to sound better and better though.   

[a-panda-reads-act-omega]

ACT OMEGA PART 9

THE 25/10/16 UPDATE

WOW, third update in one day? I must be extremely bored or something. Anyways, I think we’re just gonna start this up without the big fucking intro part. Lets just. do this.

Come on you gay fucks, make up and KISS.

G U Y S. Also Jake, look at Dirks face not his ass.

OH man Jake looks sad and awkward.

DIRK: (Son of a fuck.) DIRK: (That was you trying to get me to leave you alone, wasn’t it?) JAKE: (I... well.) DIRK: (It’s fine. I get it, finally.) DIRK: (You don’t want anything to do with me, or this awkward dance we’ve been doing around each other.)

No damMIT, don’t leave him alone. you need to MAKE UP. not avoid eachother.

DIRK: (And I was convinced I'd actually try giving you some space so you wouldn’t have to deal with my overbearing bullshit anymore. Yet here I am.) DIRK: (Honestly, I’m not even sure why.) DIRK: (I just had this impulse to try and smooth things over with you by offering some sort of half-assed congratulations.)

You’re on the right track DIRK! You’re almost there, but instead of giving him a shitty congratulations, you need to work out whatever the your problem is dammit.

DIRK: (Sorry for making you uncomfortable for a solid 10 minutes by stringing that conversation along.) DIRK: (I’ll go bother someone else.) JAKE: (Dirk, wait!) DIRK: (What?) DIRK: (You don’t need to humor me. Or worry about hurting my feelings, or whatever.) DIRK: (You’re not obligated to care about any of that anymore.) DIRK: (That ship has sailed.)

A A . AH GH DF  Dirk you BUTT, just listen to the fuckin hope child.

pft thanks jake.

JAKE: (Thats not... oh pussyfeathers!) JAKE: (This is exactly the problem!) DIRK: (Uh.) DIRK: (It is?) JAKE: (Im so lousy at saying what i mean and then you put all of these words in my mouth and i have no idea how to make you understand!)

YES JAKE THIS IS PrecISELY THE PROBLEM! 

JAKE: (Maybe because i hardly understand myself...) DIRK: (...) JAKE: (This is all so difficult to parse. I am utterly fucking bamboozled by everything thats happened today.) JAKE: (Ive tried to politely get everything to hold its damn horses for perhaps ten friggin minutes but no!) JAKE: (Those stallions shot right out of the gate with forceful gusto and ive been trying to keep from being trampled underneath their thundering hooves this entire time!) JAKE: (There are SO MANY PEOPLE here.) JAKE: (And while im sure theyre all perfectly upstanding folk i have no clue how im supposed to TALK to any of them.) JAKE: (Especially when i cant even bring myself to engage with those whom i actually KNOW.) JAKE: (Because im certain there are a plethora of things i need to apologize for but im still puzzling out what exactly they are.)

Damn, I know the feeling Jake. When you know you’ve done something wrong, and you have no fucking clue what it is, yet somehow that makes you feel even GUILTIER because you think you SHOULD know what you did wrong.

DIRK: (Jake...) JAKE: (Honestly ive been resigning myself to the possibility of never speaking to anyone ever again!) JAKE: (Considering im such a dunce theres no way ill ever be able to figure out how to make things right with you or jane.) JAKE: (And if i badger roxy ill no doubt botch things up with her too somehow.)

Dont be ridiculous Jake, I honestly doubt there’s any way for Roxy to ever hate you.

JAKE: (So whats the point?) JAKE: (Im never going to be a good friend let alone a good anything... more than that.) JAKE: (So ive already accepted that im really just a waste of space and i ought to spend the rest of my life keeping out of everyones way.) DIRK: (Holy shit, Jake. What?) JAKE: (Its just the simplest solution for everyone involved. Im fine with it!)

Jake you BUMFUzZLING BAFOON. COme on, get a goddamn grip on yourself.

JAKE: (I was perfectly willing to mind my own beeswax and allow the rest of you to mind yours and make myself scarce when the opportunity arose.) JAKE: (But then you ambled up to me and put that plan on ice.) DIRK: (Jake.) JAKE: (Which has had me reeling for the past little while let me tell you!) JAKE: (I dont know what to do because im getting the vibe that perhaps you still want to be friends? Though I cant even begin to guess why!) JAKE: (And im so conflicted because theres a part of me that does want to give the whole friendship thing another go even though i know its bound to end in disaster.) DIRK: (Jake-) JAKE: (But if im really going to commit to that mad gamble, it feels like this might be my only real chance to try and patch things up between us!) JAKE: (Except im so blasted TIRED! And even thinking about fumbling through that conversation with all of these people around makes me want to curl up into ball and...) JAKE: (And embarrass myself.) JAKE: (Though attempting to salvage my pride at this point seems a fools errand. Nobody can possibly take me seriously while im NOT WEARING ANY FUCKING PANTS.)

DAMMIT JAKE NOWS NOT THE TIME TO BRING UP YOUR BEAUTIFUL ASS

DIRK: (...) DIRK: (Ok.) JAKE: (Im sorry dirk i just cant right now. I cant. Its too much!) JAKE: (I know its so typical of me to chicken out and disappoint you.) DIRK: (Dude-) JAKE: (Sakes alive i cant believe i just went on and on like that what am i doing???)

You’re VENTING, Jake. It’s perfectly natural and everybody should be able to do it.

DIRK: (Ok!) DIRK: (Jake, I hear you!) DIRK: (You can stop, now.) DIRK: (The fact that you managed to whisper all that was pretty impressive.)

Yeah no shit. Like, how in the fuck was that a whisper?

DIRK: (But let’s take it down a notch. Like, to breathe.) JAKE: (...) DIRK: (Are you ok? Maybe we should sit down or something.) JAKE: (No i... everyone else is standing.) DIRK: (I don’t really care, and nobody else should either. Your legs look like they’re about to give out.) JAKE: (Im really fine and can we please not talk about my legs.)

... dammit jake

DIRK: (Shit, sorry. Sure thing.) JAKE: (But. Maybe sitting isnt such a terrible idea.)

It isnt. its the best idea. sit down and TALK.

There you go, much better. Now dont fall.

DIRK: (Feeling any better?) JAKE: (A smidgen...) JAKE: (Are people looking at us?) DIRK: (Not sure. Probably not. But even so, you aren’t the only one who could use a breather. I’m sure they understand.) JAKE: (Ok...) DIRK: (So.) DIRK: (Sorry for putting words in your mouth. Looks like you already had plenty of your own in there.) JAKE: (...) DIRK: (I mean, like. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m actually kind of glad you told me.) DIRK: (I’m going to be real with you here and say I’m more than a little concerned about some of what you just said.)

Yes, this is GOOD.  Dirk’s realizing that MAYBE Jake has problems of his own.

DIRK: (But I get you’re not in a position to talk about it right now. And, hell, there are probably better people to hash that shit out with than me.) DIRK: (You don’t have to say anything else. Especially not about... well, us, I guess.) DIRK: (I don’t know about a lot of the other stuff, but I’m perfectly willing to save opening up that particular can of worms for later.) DIRK: (I’m... probably not ready for that conversation either. So it’s most likely for the best.) DIRK: (Being perfectly frank, I’m also not exactly enthusiastic about this crowd. I’m not really used to having this volume of people around.) DIRK: (And I guess we’re both kind of at a loss when it comes to approaching them all. I demonstrated my lacking conversational chops earlier I think.) DIRK: (I knew it was a bad idea. But I came over here anyway.) DIRK: (Mostly because... I think I just really wanted to talk to you.) DIRK: (I guess old habits die hard.) DIRK: (Or in this case, ridiculously young ones.) JAKE: (Um...) DIRK: (Right. Getting to the point.) DIRK: (Whatever you may be thinking about yourself, I can pretty much guarantee you I don’t agree.) DIRK: (But I’m going to put that aside for now and just say that yeah, I really do still want to be friends.) DIRK: (If there’s some part of you that’s willing to give it a shot, I want you to promise me something.) JAKE: (Ok. What is it?) DIRK: (That you’ll put all that bullshit about cutting ties with everyone aside, at least for long enough to talk about this stuff properly later.)

Good, GOOD, they’re both not being idiots anymore. this is good. because holy shit that was awkward. they’re just gonna work out all their problems, and not be dumb shits over it.

DIRK: (It doesn’t even need to be with me. But just... somebody. I mean, don’t you want to talk to your grandma, dude? You’ve been pen pals for ages. And now she’s right there.) JAKE: (That, um... Yes actually. That does sound nice.) DIRK: (Good.) DIRK: (Maybe we ought to wrap this up, then.) DIRK: (Or am I wrong in thinking you still want some space?) JAKE: (So long as were all on this platform i doubt ill be getting very far with that either way.) DIRK: (True.) JAKE: (What i could really use is a NAP!) DIRK: (I feel that.) DIRK: (But it might have to wait a bit longer.) DIRK: (Think you can manage until then?) JAKE: (Probably?) DIRK: (And just to make things crystal clear...) DIRK: (Until we get our shit together enough to actually talk about, well...) DIRK: (You know what.) DIRK: (Are we cool?) JAKE: (I think so.) DIRK: (Thank fuck.)

Thank fuck indeed. I realize I didn’t say a whole lot during all this, mainly because I’m indifferent to this whole conversation. I’m not realizing anything new about them other than that they were really annoying when they tried avoiding the subjects. in a weird adorable awkward kinda way.

Yes, there we go, fucking SMILE. 

DIRK: (C’mon.) DIRK: (Let’s go claim our reward.)

GO get’em tiger.

Alright, that was the end of their interaction! It was a little boring to read over, so that kinda made it tedious. not because the act omega team wrote it bad! i just never really cared much for either of these characters. BUT that’s fine. just personal preference and shit. BUT NOW WE GET A CHARACTER INTERACTMENT IVE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO.

Here we are aN HOLY SHIT JADES EYES. I dont know what it is about them, they just look off.... HMMmm..

JADE: (hey rose?) ROSE: (Oh, hello Jade.)

8D THEY FINALLY MEET

ROSE: (I see you’ve finally woken from your nap.) JADE: (yeah!!! thank goodness!) JADE: (now i can finally give you a proper nice to see you hug!)

OH YES HUG HER NOW JADE

ROSE: (Is that so?) ROSE: (Well, It would be remiss of me to refu-)

8D....

thats the end of this update. I suppose I can ship them next time So yeah, expect a fourth update today.

[survivorcordillerablanca]

Episode 2 Confessionals

who is bryce and how long has he been on this tribe

so my daughter emma left and im the only one who stood by her side. i still have lexi on my side. hopefully adam, jordan pines (shocking) and jay. im mostly working with jordan and jay bcuz they might know lexi and i are friends. considering i was in the india reuinon chat and kicked from it on and off for weeks. also katie is in this game and i know she's bffls with adam, so i wanna work with him to keep that door open. and katie is also bffs with jordan so ILL GIVE THAT LITTLE PINES BOY A CHANCE

Me forgetting to make a confessional doesn't surprise me. Anyway I got an advantage from the wishing well thing and I'm shook that it worked to get half the tribe on call

I think I made a pretty good connection with Chris, especially based on the fact that we are in 2 orgs together. I would like to align with one more person and make it an alliance of 3, so when I get the chance to talk to Chris, that could hopefully be set up. I want to be a bit more straightforward with my goals in this org unlike in some of the previous ones I have played recently. I've been waiting for someone to come to me but maybe if I go to a couple people, they will respect and trust me more because I want to align with them. It worked well with Chris. Also everyone listen to this goddess sing: 

So, usually i don't make confessionals, because thats lame, but my boy RTP needs them. So what can I say, I'm a giver. Anyways round 1 is fine. I have a few different alliances, each sort of mixing with the other. I got a 1 on 1 of me and adam. I got a 3 person one of me Luke and Jay. And I think I am working with Ryan and Willa. Separately of course. Anyways i'm not too worried about going home. I just hope we win shit soon.

Okay fake friends!! No one though to inform me about the idol map thing JKDSFJK. I don't even quiet get it AAAAAAAA. I searched somewhere but don't think I got a response so I think I'm wrong. Also we won the first challenge yay!! I'm really scared to go to tribal b/c I don't think I'm in a majority. I want to make an alliance with like carson, charlotte, zachary, katie but I think its too soon??? But that's what people who wait to long say so idk SDDSHFSf. Taylor Swift's new song came out earlier and its so good. Its also everywhere??? Like on so many promotional things and ads shes really getting her business. The reward challenge is usually something I'd like but I finally fixed my sleeping schedule and its about to get ruined again probably. I'm so tired but I want to win. The wishing well is also strange. I didn't get chosen this time and no one told me they did either so yikes :s! Here's hoping things look less grim.

okay i really like carson. he's really fun and probably the person im closest with. I want to work with as well, Willow. she's a queen! WOO ill make a longer one soon i promise

Congrats to me for not being the first boot. That'll have to do for my first confessional I'll do a real one later Ryan please don't yell at me.

I GET SLEEP YES. Sad I didn't get it but tbh idc. I am SO tired and now I don't have to stay up. Gonna finis the Great British Bake Off episode I'm on and them I'll be counting sheep! Hope my tribe wins <3

I dreamed a dream that I searched for the idol apparently. BECAUSE I DIDN'T ACTUALLY DSFJKSFKJFK. I don't understand why I'm like this but I'm cracking up and apparently imagining I searched Churup HSFJKDFsKJF

Just occured to me that hosts see these live not at the end of the season so now I'm extra embarrassed SJDKFS

I love how we're doing every challenge I hate!!! We won reward tho and got another shot at the wishing well but I didn't find anything again lol. I am stressed for this challenge but hope their teams just like talks or something and gets kicked.

heyyyy im back! after we won immunity (bless), i kinda just.. .stopped talking to ppl but everyone else stopped talking so its fine and idc! emma got voted out and im PRETTY sure i dont know them so idc. i know willa so im happy they stayed over emma. then came the reward, where ryan slung a ball we had to catch it to open treasure chests, and we dominated ! (well not we, but the rest of my tribe), they got 4/6 balls and charlotte managed to open the chest so we won reward and a visit to the wishing well! at the wishing well, i chose #9 bc... it SPOKE to me, and... [9:15:58 AM] Ryan Palmer: Congratulations! You have earned yourself a task from the well. Once you complete this task to the hosts appeasement you may earn a special reward. This task may put you at risk if you complete it so make sure to cover all of your bases. The next Immunity Challenge will be one where you have to earn points as individuals for your tribe. Your task is to make sure you do not earn any points for your tribe, you must earn 0 points. In addition to that there will be a rule about talking in the chat, right after your tribe has earned points you need to post a comment of celebration in the chat. You may write whatever you want, but you will then be removed from the chat. If you complete this task during the Immunity Challenge then you will earn a special reward. If you do not complete this task you will earn nothing. [9:16:02 AM] carson: SDJKSDJKSDJKSDJK [9:16:11 AM] carson: Me being one of the onl;y people to not do anything during the Reward [9:16:12 AM] carson: BYE [9:16:34 AM] carson: Also Ryan ur giving me All Stars teas.... [9:16:37 AM] carson: *cvc [9:16:40 AM] carson: I literally [9:16:43 AM] carson: SFJKSDKSDJK GOD I HATE THISSSS [9:16:47 AM] Ryan Palmer: :) [9:16:52 AM] carson: THis is literally the Same as CvC SO i HAVE AN ADVANTAGE CLUE... and the challenge is one of the task challenges and these are my favorite types of challenges and im rlly mad i dont get to play!!! this reward BETTER be good... (also me not helping in the challenge, but still getting the reward sdlsks) and im having flashbacks from failing this kinda clue in challengers vs champions, so i wanna redeem myself and get the advantage! im still gonna try and fake like im doing it, by answering questions wrong etc, but then ill randomly celebrate in the wrong chat accidentally (while we'rei n the lead bc im not gonna try and lose this SDjksdkj) !! hopefully it goes well and im not exposed and we dont lose immunity. also, nor eal updates on this tribe. chris barely talks which im assuming is bc hes busy but still!!! idk who to work with, so i guess ill wait for a tribal?? kinda wanna get an alliance together soon though idk

Im gonna be bomb at this comp n here is why eg. Q: who won Bahamas? A: *me in 0.2sec* Zach won Bahamas!!!! Yes I submitted this as a VLconf too don't @me...

I'm good at puzzles??? But I'm not I guess DSFKJSF

My ADD made it almost impossible to keep up with this high speed challenge so I kept /leave on my message box the whole time hoping it would become an option to get points... man I'm a smarty pants and also now I get to sleep!

I am so stressed for tribal. I think I have something good with Carson and Zachary but I still need two votes hopefully Willow and Charlotte vote with me and we can do Eric or Chris. Chris doesn't respond to my messages ever so I'd prefer to do that honestly but idk I am just hoping it works out

Willow told me she heard Chris's name and im like "HELLL NAW IM NOT VOTING CHRIS BAI." I need Willow, and I need Chris, and there is no way either of us 3 are going to go this tribal.

So I talked to Willow and she's like "my two top allies blah blah blah. Anonymous blah blah blah" and I'm thinking to myself, "Why would you tell me that someone other than me is your top ally. You could of had me sold if you said I was your only top ally." Now I know there is someone you might keep over me." And I have strong suspicions that her top ally that isn't me is 1 of these 3: Katie, Carson, Charlotte. Either way, I am going to remember what Willow said if we are ever in merge together and I need to think about saving her or someone else, especially if one of these suspicions are in merge with us.

SO WE WON IMMUNITY! Even without help from Jay, Lexi and Willa the rest of us killed the challenge and took home immunity. I'm so happy that we won immunity because Willa was looking like he'd be the  next person to go and I kind of don't want that? I know it puts me in a pretty precarious spot with my alliance since they agreed it's probably best if Willa leaves next. If I can't save Willa at all then I'll vote him out but if I can save him that would be GREAT for me. I want to get closer to Ryan and Adam. Adam and I talked during the first tribal council and we're both pretty straight forward thinkers and know what's best for the tribe so I'm interested with working with him. Ryan is someone who I really want to work with and he's close with Lexi which means I might have to vote her out so that he'll fully trust me?? Idk we'll see. I've been thinking about what Ulta will do at tribal because if a winner from that tribe ends up leaving and then we swap and I end up on an Ulta dominated tribe...that's bad news for me. 

So I think I'll get at least one vote here. But I feel good with my alliance that they'll have my back. I trust carson the most, then charlotte, then zachary, but I trust them all so that's good.  I think  Willow and Eric are together but I don't think they'll be able to get chris and Katie on their side. Willow wanting chris is also pretty bad so idk I think I'm safe at least I hope so cuz I'm really starting to enjoy the cast and season!! Should be a 7-1 or 6-2 or 6-1-1 vote hopefully and then 4-4 at worst

we;ll.... we lost badly!! AND I DIDNT GET MY REWARD FROM WISHING WELL BC WE FLOPPED TOO MUCH... but that dont matter, tribals more important, and chris was the plan to go... UNTIL!!! today, eric told chris that chris was going and if he wanted to stay to vote out bryce. like??? What kinda crackedt world do you live in where u threaten someone to vote someone so they  can stay SDJHDSJ (also returnee alliance made between me/zach/charlotte/bryce YES.) so... chris snitched (king) eric out and so we want eric out now... bc hes playing way too hard. NOW HE WANTS TO VOTE CHARLOTTE OUT TOO WHICH>>> SDKJSDKJ. i see why he went premerge so many times right now. like... if you try something over and over, and it doesn't work. take another LOOK!! but whatever i could be getting bamboozled but the plan is to get out eric bc he blew up his game by scrambling with little numbers, and withholding info (like telling bryce that he should vote charlotte and he couldnt tell him why but hed give him 3 rounds of safety DSJKSJK...) hopefully im not being dumb and im actually right. (also im actually... strategizing and forming social bonds oh wow! survivor is actually fun when you play it.) lets pray for no blindside of me or anyone... and lets get through this! http://photos.costume-works.com/full/furby.jpg

i just heard carsons voice on live tribal council and like i knew he was in high school but omg he sounds like such a smol baby and i need to protect him

[survivordivergent]

EPISODE 11 (PART 1) - “ FIRST YOU GET THE IDOL. THEN YOU GET THE IMMUNITY. THEN YOU GET THE WIN.” - ED

It's so interesting how a safe and secure position can come crashing down so quickly.

I have some very important questions about who was in on the idol flush. Did Eliza really feel in danger? Did Otto plant the seeds? And most importantly for me, why didn't Payton tell me the vote wasn't going to Eliza?

I'll start with the last point:I wouldn't have even doubted Payton for a SECOND were it not for what she said after tribal in the BH5 chat: "Anyway otto cussed me the fuck out because I told him I'd play my faux "idol" on him to assure that Jill would go home ;):"

To ensure that Jill would go home. Not Eliza, Jill. So why would Payton not tell her number one ally (allegedly) this vital bit of information to keep us safe, if it's obvious she knew that was the plan? Something about that doesn't sit well at all. I think I need to talk with her about that and find out what that was all about. Otherwise, I don't like my odds.

I think I'm in a good place with Eliza now. Not that I wasn't before, but an idol play isn't something most players can just brush off. Hopefully she's a rational player who realizes I want her around, and not short-sighted enough to knock me out of the game unnecessarily. I do think the paranoia was sincere last night, though I do find the timing curious as I only just told the gang about the idol yesterday, confirming their suspicions.

I'm working this reward comp hard. I would've liked to sit back and relax, maybe get myself a little off the radar, but that's not a good idea right now. There's a possibility that an idol was re-hidden, and an ally who may be thinking I wouldn't have done the same for her RE: playing the idol. I need to make sure Melissa knows we're still good, so if I can pull off another win here, the idol clue is going her way. We'll have two new clues to the Candor idol (unless she wants to see if a new idol was hidden at Erudite, in which case.... more for me.)

Partial kudos to Otto for going down swinging... in theory. But also partial WTF points to Otto for not coming to me at all during the day. He probably wouldn't have been able to swing me, but you never know unless you try. The more this game goes on, the more I appreciate Lucy and Geo. Communication is important in here. And it's a two-way street, which I acknowledge... but when it's Otto's ass on the line and not mine, I don't think it's too far out there to expect some motivation from him.

Ugh ugh ugh. Last night got so messy and unnecessarily so. I wish Melissa had told me about the vote doubler. When it came out suddenly and unexpectedly, I was sure she had flipped which is why I did what I did. Otherwise, why keep that secret and hide it from the people voting with you? Why induce the paranoia and stoke its flames?

Mostly, I'm just bummed at how wasted it was. With the time I put into that idol hunt... fuck. Given context though, it was something I had to do. I'd have felt like total garbage if it went the way I was expecting it to go and Eliza left on my watch. That said, I'd have felt even worse if Jill had somehow gone home. This tribal went well, considering our main target left. But if I had wasted my idol AND we lost a BH5er, I don't think I could have forgiven myself. That was such a sloppy read on the situation.

(EDIT: I've since spoken to Payton and she reminded me that she did, in fact, tell me the votes were going on Jill before the vote. D'oh. My paranoia is flaring up unnecessarily again. Still pissed at the flush.)

((Oh, and I'm thoroughly killing this comp. If I don't win it'll be because my Word doc got corrupted. Only way.))

HOW. HOW DID I LOSE THAT REWARD. i literally.... did it for like 3 hours... i did it during my classes... i blatantly looked up survivor facts in the middle of a class room where everyone could see my laptop and ed still beats me...i wanted to find an idol literally to blindside him but now thats impossible and he's won like every reward. he clearly has idols because he just threw one at eliza last week but my only real allies in this game payton and geo are too far up ed's ass for me to even attempt to tell them we should blindside ed. I'm ed giving me credit for doing well in the main chat like bitch! if you think i did so well u should give me a chance to look for the idol hMM!! but you won't because you don't actually trust me at all hMMM. anyways. lets hope we can get rid of melissa or jill this week or even lake because he's incredibly untrustworthy and always accuses me of being someone named "Nic" who i don't even know so zzz he can go. maybe if one of those girls go i can convince payton and eliza to do some sort of all girls thing and blindside ed... though payton literally called ed her final 2 when he got voted out the first time and ed literally used an idol on eliza even if it was worthless ahhh. i need to win immunity but like i don't even know if ill have the energy for whatever it is because like i spent so long trying for reward... maybe if i win immunity i can talk people into blindsiding ed when he's clearly running this game we'll see.

I'm living for everyone saying "Ed again, big surprise" and "of course Ed is in the top three" and "Ed again? Snooze." Don't want me to win? Get better.

Of course I shared the idol clue with Melissa as I outlined in my last confessional. Payton made an appeal to give it to Jill so she feels safe, but the downside to that is the very realistic possibility that she'd find a second idol. We don't need someone as well-liked as Jill to have two safety nets. So I reverted back to the initial plan of going with Melissa. I'm fairly confident that she would turn on others in the five before she'd turn on me.

She told me she looked for Candor, and the list of possibilities dwindled by a very wide margin. That's awesome news. Better yet, she narrowed it down to Matt Elrod and... someone. Even better news, after her guesses, there are only three possibilities. Even betterer news, I'll be getting another clue to narrow it down a little more. And the best news? She didn't get the idol, but she did most of the legwork. I take no pleasure in 'stealing' the idol from Melissa, but I'd be lying if I said having control over the idol didn't make me just a bit more confident. Not counting my idols before they hatch, though. First I gotta find the sucker. And there's the possibility that it may not even be there anymore.

I fear this round will be the culmination of weeks of posturing. Payton seems prepared to make a move against the girls. And I do appreciate the irony of a big move being planned only after Otto's gone. There's some poetic justice to that. On the other hand though, I don't doubt that Payton's best shot at the finals is to do this. I feel like I might have a bit more support in BH5 than she does. And as far as the 'stragglers' go, there's no doubt she's got more sway with Geo (who helped her look for the Amity idol,) Lake (who talks to her, I guess???) and Lucy (who's super chill and is on good terms with me, too.)

So – what's my easiest path to the end? In a perfect world, Lucy and Payton would use their Amity idol halves to idol whoever the target is and blindside one of the girls. But that poses a problem – namely, how do I get them to play the idol when they'd likely have numbers if I swung with them? I'd feel much more confident voting out Lake than anyone else. Literally everyone remaining in the game talks with me. So if Lake could be idoled and and, say, Jill were blindsided... I'd be sad to see her go, but MAN that would be good for my game. I'd still have a steadfast ally, I'd have a group of ladies hell-bent on revenge, and I'd have at least one vote on jury if I made it to the end and could explain it well.

But that's so far off in the distance, it's a speck. First you get the idol. Then you get the immunity. THEN you get the win.

Whew I almost killed myself yesterday, but I'm alive-at the cost of reward. Whatever. I'm curious to know what the god forsaken immunity is going to be though... another live challenge? K i l l m e

Anyway, Lucy  and I are almost definitely going to use our idol to take down Jill this round or next, hopefully taking down Lake if we don't go her. If I can keep up with Lucy/Ed/Geo/me to the end, and then pick off one of them at the last minute (Geo/Lucy), I'm going to the end. Given that Ed doesn't flip on my ass, but I actually trust him. I might lose to Ed if we go to the end, but I'll get second, and that will be amazing. Apparently I'm destined for second anyway.

Oh Kay! At this point in the game there is a lot that I am thinking about right now. We have the alliance of 5 that is steamrolling merge right now. It is ugly and boring, but when you are a part of it, it is hard to be mad about it.

After the last vote, Lake straight up told me that he voted for me. Which I was fine with. He then says that I need to stop confronting people when I get tea. I did it with Dani when Lake mentioned to me that Dani lightly mentioned trying to blindside me for first merge boot and then also for this most recent tribal I confronted Otto when I heard he wanted to try and split the vote between Eliza and myself. Lake was pissed that I do this because in both instances Lake gets in trouble! Dani only told Lake about maybe blindsiding me, and Otto only mentioned to Lake about splitting the votes between me and Eliza. What happened there is I heard from Payton who was told by Lake. I did not fully pay attention to that succession of information and was not privy to what exactly went down and I didn't really care. I went to Otto and heard of a plan to split the votes, but that I didn't think it was a real plan and just tried to brush it off like it wasn't anything. After tribal Lake tells me that only he was told and Otto was mad at Lake for it. Lake then says "I just didn't see the point of confronting him about it. What good did it do." and what I REALLY wanted to respond was that the point was it made Otto not happy with Lake, put less of a target on me, and Otto went home. Eliza telling Otto that Geo was the plan for that vote helped because I talked to Otto about that plan, then went over to Geo to show him that Otto was the one talking about voting out Geo. It seemed with Otto really trying to do something for that most recent vote he was very all over the place and it made everyone wary of him. Lake is mad at me, but I don't really care because he is outside of my alliance and when i spill tea that I hear he ends up in a worse position than myself so I am not too mad about it.

Now we move on to Big Hero 5 and what is going to happen at final five. I am really hoping that we actually stick together until then. At this point in the game this is the last tribal where it would be easy to flip. Only 2 out of the five need to go to Geo, Lucy, and Lake and spill the tea about our alliance and make a move against us. I think Melissa, Eliza, and I are a solid three like we have been since Four Tribe and I really don't see Payton flipping on us. The only possible worrisome person here is Ed. But what is good is that I think me and ed are in a good position. He gave me 2 idol searches and I gave him the most recent immunity. I like to think we have had each other's back and I hope that if shady things happen, they at least don't happen to me. If they happen to someone in Big Hero Five I would be upset, but if it isn't me I won't be wholly upset because it makes Final Five Tribal Council easier and maybe making it to the end that much easier as well. Also, everyone knows I have an idol and it doesn't seem like anyone is trying to get me to flush it so if i can hold onto it for 3 rounds and then have it for Final 5 that would be great and I would be much less stressed out about that vote. The only issue is that I have to make it through three rounds and with this game waking up that could potentially be difficult.

So Lake is like my secret weapon in this game, and he is putting an ENORMOUS target on his back, fighting with Payton in the tribe chat. He's asking me to vote him out, but Melissa and I need Him to help us blind side Ed at F7 like we are planning and I'm at work and my head is spinning bc my game is spiraling out of control bc Lake can't just calm down and stay quiet...... Ugh these CATFISH who CLEARLY know who each other is... Just follow the damn rules!!!

Who has the Candor idol? Ed.

Who had the Erudite idol? Ed.

Who's won pretty much all the reward comps? Ed, Edd, 'n' Eddy.

Who has the Amity idol? Payton, my closest ally, and Lucy.

Who has the Dauntless idol? Jill, who came to me this morning about working together even after we're down to five.

Who has the other idols? Who cares, they're out of the game.

Strong position re-established and it's thanks to Melissa's Candor patience, Jill's keeping her options open, and Payton's relentless Amity searching. Boo-yah.

[8:25:31 PM] Melissa Fields: supernova [8:25:31 PM] Payton Rodriguez: Supernova? yall really did that but Melissa's comes up first on my skype

listen, jenns. I'm mad.

Lake's alias name is very poorly chosen. He lacks the depth.

My time is coming to end.

The Candor alliance along with Ed and Melissa control this game and they will be the Final 5.

The only person I'm loyal to at this point is Eliza. I still tell her everything but with how much I've been acting out I don't think she will be able to keep the others off my back at this point.

I've been trying to scare the others in to not voting for me.  I really want Payton to go because I have lost all respect for her and she does not deserve to be here. I think Eliza is starting to feel the same way.

The only people I would want to vote for in the end are Eliza and Melissa but I'm not really sure what Melissa is doing in this game.

I'm completely ignoring Geo at this point and have not talked to Ed and Payton in a while and I don't plan on it.  It's kind of unbearable watching all of them hit it off in the tribe chat.

Playing this game was unlike any other I've done. I've never been so uninvolved.  Really my time is up in this game. I'm ready to move to the jury and hopefully vote for a worthy person at the end. You can bet I'll have some hard hitting questions for these bafoons.

Lake can go eat glass bye bitch. I don't care if it fucks with my plans for Jill, I'm idoling you the fuck out.

It amazes me how much power I have in this game.

And also what a total asshole I am.

Melissa and Eliza both brought up the idea of voting out Lucy because of how competitive she is. On the surface, a great idea. But what they don't know: Lucy has the second half of the Amity idol.

So, armed with the knowledge that they intend to get Lucy out, and confirming with Eliza that she'd have been okay with leaving Payton out of the loop, I went to Payton and told her that the plan to get Lucy was gaining momentum. She started being a bit aggro in the BH5 chat, and Mel tried swaying her using logic. Those two speak different languages when it comes to the game, and it's important to talk to people in their language rather than make yours heard over theirs.

So, I went to Payton and told her she should agree with the plan. Then she should use the Amity idol on Lucy and blindside someone. Doesn't matter who, I don't want to know, that way I don't have to lie about knowing who was going. (If this plan works, sorry @Eliza @Melissa @Jill @whichever of you three got clocked. Love you all.) And the best part is that I'm legitimately not around tonight, so the Candor idol won't be in play at all. The girls will probably be freaking out, Jill may play hers, but mine won't be available.

I've also told Payton I'm voting with the girls so it looks like I'm blindsided, too. This lets me have all the info coming from BH5, and lets her have all the info from the Lucy/Geo/Lake cluster. And then we can alternate our votes, picking people off from each side until the end.

That's the best-case scenario. The worst-case scenario is that Payton idols Lucy, Jill idols whoever the votes are going on (in which case Payton can't blame me, 'cause I told her I didn't want to know.) And then it's a 0-0 and I have to decide where my better chance at the end lies. Unfortunately for Payton, my style of game is far more logical than emotional. If it were pure emotional, it would be a no-brainer. But in this unlikely scenario, I'd have to give it some serious thought.

Alternatively, someone could also throw a decoy vote on someone as a safeguard against an idol. A 1-1 vote forcing a revote could also make a difference. I just threw out a variation on this idea to Payton which would idol Lucy, Lucy votes a girl, Payton votes Lake. She'd still be in a rough spot, but there's no way the girls would vote against each other and then we could get out Lake just like she wanted.

Dominoes are falling!

fuck lake

Lucy and Payton make an idol and play it on lucy. Blindside Melissa Simple and done I hope this works out

If not, i think it'll be me leaving cause i told jill to vote lucy, which will make her suspicious and think im shady so they plan to vote me instead cause they probably think im working with lucy and she has an idol, bye world

So..... there has been zero talking since the results post.... My alliance chat has said nothing. I have zero things in pm's... I'm... Nervous??? This is very unusual, that at least Melissa and Jill aren't talking to me either??? I have no idea what's doing on...

Lol sorry Melissa. This wasn't the plan, but it sure is now. Love ya hun. Have fun in Ponderosa.

That worked, we did it, Melissa is out of the game!

I can't believe it actually worked!