#and if you tag this with 'melli because i ship him with ingo' youre a coward and a cheater

[monsoon-of-art]

Rb for a larger sample size!

[kharmii]

Kharmii's Million Stupid BJ Blankship Head Canons

(This is a personal joke, but if you know, you know)

(Big thanks to my muse, Serial Coomer Schlub on Discord who RPs stupid fetishes all day and never contributes to fandom)

(I won't include bj fantasies featuring attractive Melli or Volo because it's offensive people ship them with the twins as an alternative to all this stupid blankshipping crap)

(Send me asks, and I will make promises like your American congressman up for re-election in midterms 2022)

(When I first got into this fandom, I had people tell me they'd never check General Submas for fear of antis. The only content they'd take in is on the shipping tag, and they'd only reblog from others on the shipping tag. Have you seen it lately? Imagine that being all you get...mostly someone doubling down on dog-fucking out of spite)

(This is a parody, but it will get filthy, so it's under a cut for your consideration. I'm not using the blankshipping tag because I'm taking the piss)

1.) Vampire Submas: The twins struggle to prevent teef from getting in the way of swallowing whole-ass peen.

2.) Dead Dove Ingo: Emmet is good and DEAD. Luckily Ingo is flexible enough to suck his own dick.

3.) Emmet is a quadruple amputee. The only reason he doesn't ask for compassionate euthanasia is because he still has one mouth and one schlong.

4.) Arceus hates Ingo, so he turned him into a four-eyed llama who sucks big D from the time he gets up to the time he goes to bed.

5.) Emmet is a mermaid-man with a human-looking wang....because you know why.

6.) Omegaverse: I won't provide details because you already know it's fucking stupid.

7.) Bloahjibacorn.....nuff said.

8.) Instead of a penis, Emmet has twelve tentacles with dick heads on them. Ingo ends up in Immediate Care with blower's cramp (similar to soy face) where Nurse Joy tells him his face is stuck like that. There's nothing they can do.

9.) Emmet has Ingo locked in his basement with his leg cut off. Even though they gave each other bjs like a hundred times a day, Ingo refused to tell Emmet he loves him....because they brothers an' sheeit..

10.) Ingo is a huge tiddy sucubus who sucks out parts of Emmet's soul along with his bodily fluids.

11.) Zombie!Emmet: One day Ingo looks in utter horror as Emmet's putrified dong just falls off. Emmet nonchalantly picks it up and sucks on it like a rotted sahsage.

12.) The twins are pony princesses, and Emmet is peeved Ingo was born seventeen minutes earlier making him the heir to the throne. It ends up not mattering because they find out the only way they can save the pony kingdom from the evil horde of nasty-wasties is through the power of love and friendship (and by 'love and friendship' I mean bjs and back rubs).

13.) Robot Emmet: Ingo created him because he has a YUGE fucking ego. I'm sure we can work robo-bjs into this somehow.

14.) SerialKiller!Emmet: Emmet is a serial killer known as the 'Two-Dollar Hooker'. He offers to suck someones dick for two dollars. After he leads them into a dark alley, he goes through with the bj, takes the two dollars, then kills the guy. Later, he buys a toothbrush with the money.

15.) Nothing about trains, pokemon or the twins being big, creepy puppets though. I just can't work with that crazy shit. I don't even really like any of that shit and don't get why I'd do this. Maybe I just like to take something cute, quirky and innocent -such as gardevoir or train clowns- and smear dog poopy on it.

[poisonouswritings]

Massive Mass Outbreaks Are Dangerous(ly Fun)

GN!Reader, little bit of action, fluff, some are ship-y and some are not

(Adaman, Mai, Melli, Irida & Palina, Ingo, Volo, Laventon)

This takes place in the Blessed!AU, where MC has super-healing thanks to Arceus

Adaman

Massive Mass Outbreaks (or MMOs as you've taken to calling them) are incredibly useful when it comes to bulking up your catch-per-survey. Maybe you use the random events as an opportunity to fill out Dex pages, maybe you're shiny-hunting, or maybe you're just in it for the money. The point is you're Not Wasting Any Time™!

Neither is Adaman.

Any time with you is well spent

Speaking of time, he's been having a rough one lately. The MMOs are scaring his clan badly, and there's been some damage to the food storages from curious and hungry alphas. It took nearly a month and a lot of help from the Scavenger Team to build the reserves back up.

Anyways you and Adaman have set out to explore the MMOs. While Mai teases Adaman about something (you're not really sure what, but they keep looking over at you and he's all red-faced so there's that) you go ahead and feed Munchlax some berries.

Monch monch monch

You check your ArcPhone to see what's nearby and - oh. Hello. You glance over at the clan leader and bite back a grin. Mark the location on your map. Summon Wrydeer. This should be fun.

You help him onto the saddle and spur Wrydeer off at a sprint. Adaman squeaks and tightly wraps his arms around your waist before he falls off. You're a pro at this so you while you do feel a bit of pity for him, you also are struggling not to laugh. You can't really calm him down while riding so you just try to avoid jostling around too much.

It only takes around ten minutes to find the outbreak. You tug on the reins, bringing Wrydeer to a stop. When you go to hop off you find that you can't because Adaman is still clinging to you. You start to ask if Mai never took him on rides or something when he was younger when he, wobbly-kneed, drops to the ground. Since he was never very good at playing his Celestial Flute, he never really summoned any Noble Pokémon, which includes Wrydeer.

'But riding on Wrydeer saves so much time!! :) '

' >:/ '

Anyways his annoyance at you fades immediately when he sees the outbreak; a bunch of Alpha Eevees

Oh! He melts!!

Maybe it's because the only Pokémon he has are Eeveelutions and he's covered in their scent or something but they immediately start cuddling up to him. Within a few seconds he's laying on the ground being mobbed by fluffy Eevees and having what you're fairly certain is The Time Of His Life

He manages to shift the Eevees off of him enough so he can sit up and look over.

Grinning like a fool,, this is the first time he's felt like he has the time to breathe in a while and he wants you to relax a bit too

Hehe Eevee cuddles

Mai

While she comes along to have Munchlax reveal spawn locations, she never actually explores the MMOs

Until today!

When you first asked Mai to come with you, she said she couldn't because of 'duty' or whatever.

Look her in the eye. Pick up Munchlax.

Just,,, just walk away. Munchlax flaps his little hands and seems to be having fun. Mai eventually darts after you, but by then you guys are far away enough from base camp that she concedes and tags along on your adventure.

She's a lot more cool and collected about it all but she's also really interested in the Pokémon.

You guys take Wrydeer and roam around. She's smart enough to not wanna get close to the outbreaks, so you admire them at a distance.

She steers,, looks over her shoulder at you and says you can hold onto her if you get scared,,,, winks,,,,, oh i have simply died,,,,,,,

I mean yeah sure you're pretty experienced at steering Wrydeer by this point but like,, hello? Prime cuddle opportunity?? Take advantage of it???

Munchlax keeps zooming around to find and eat berries. No matter where he goes, Mai seems to know how to track him. You finally find him passed out in a little tuft of grass, surrounded by half eaten berries,,, snoozing,,,,

You and Mai find a little pile of uneaten berries and sit under a tree, snacking on them. She tells you stories about the other wardens and funny experiences she's had with them while you guys listen to the rain.

Melli

Ever since you soothed the Frenzy, you make it a point to come visit each of the nobles every other week or so to make sure everything is fine. None of the other Wardens give you trouble with it.

Except for Melli.

He seems to have finally acknowledged that the Frenzy was not, in fact, a blessing from Almighty Sinnoh, but he still insists he knows Everything About His Lord and if anything is the matter, he'll let you know (not that he'll need your help dealing with it)

Anyways you're arguing like usual when an MMO breaks out. And Melli comes up with the brilliant idea that, hey, if he's able to clear three outbreak sites before you can, then you aren't allowed to question his greatness anymore

... You consider pointing out that you literally have three gods on your team but quickly decide it isn't worth the effort, instead just agreeing.

Palkia, Dialga, and Giratina make quick work of their tasks, and you even manage to catch a shiny Geodude for your trouble

You head back over only to find an outbreak of Aipom tossing Melli's beanie around, while the frustrated warden darts around trying to catch it. You ask him if he wants any help but no!! He doesn't need any aid from the noodle!!! He can get it himself!!!!

You, Palkia, Dialga, and Giratina spend the next ten minutes just watching the scene while snacking on some mochi Beni packed for you.

Eventually Dialga discreetly uses telekinesis to catch the hat mid air and drop it into Melli's hands. He is Incredibly Proud™ of himself. You give Dialga an extra mochi.

On the way back, you guys run into an angry outbreak of Electivire. You go to lob a Pokéball when Melli slides in front of you, telling you to run.

He is A Warden and you are A Dumb Noodle. He will protecc you (and probably bully you for it later).

You stare at him for a good ten seconds,,, which is just long enough for him to get electrocuted. Then you drag him behind you while directing Dialga to Roar of Time them all back into last week.

Melli is embarrassed and insists his way was Perfectly Fine Thank You Very Much. You give up on arguing and just agree that He's Great and haul his ass back to base camp to be treated.

Irida (ft. Palina)

Irida thinks she's being tortured by Almighty Sinnoh Palkia. She isn't, but she thinks she is. That's what it says on the note she used an Abra to send you, along with a plea for you to come help.

So you dress in your warmest clothes and head out.

When you get to the Icelands, a blizzard is ripping through the area. You brace yourself and summon Braviary, shooting through the air towards the Pearl Settlement. You bury your face in your arms to keep the stinging wind from cutting your cheeks.

You don't look up again until Braviary is descending. From up here it seems like there's a random ring of,, moving,,, fire,,,, You hop to the ground and run over to investigate.

There's Irida. Surrounded by flaming Cyndaquil. And standing just outside the circle is an amused Palina. As you walk up you can feel the wave of heat that crashes into your face. You grimace and unzip your jacket, pulling it down around your waist. At least you still have the ice at your back. Poor Irida is melting into a puddle of sweat and misery.

After spending so long tracking and sneaking up on Pokémon, you've learned how to move without making a sound. So you slide up behind Palina. She's distracted saying something to Irida-

You grab her shoulders, making her jump, yelp, and hit you right in the nose.

O W

You stumble back, swearing under your breath. Luckily your Blessing is still in effect. Before Palina can even process that it's you, the pain has ebbed away.

'MC! What in Almighty Palkia's name are you doing?!'

Well you were trying to play a prank thank you very much. Now what in the world is going on with Irida over here?

Palina shrugs. Says she got here twenty minutes ago and Irida was just like this, surrounded by sleeping Cyndaquil. You ask Palina why she didn't do anything about it and the warden just... Smiles slightly and hums about 'tough love'. How is Irida supposed to be the clan leader if she can't handle a little heat?

Irida is just laying in a puddle of hot melted water. You're not entirely sure if she's still awake or not.

You carefully wake the Cyndaquils up and shoo them away, sending them to go find other places to nap. Then you scoop a bunch of snow up in your arms and dump it over Irida.

The mound wiggles a bit. A very soft 'thank you' barely manages to reach your ears.

When Irida finally does emerge from her snow cave, she's fully refreshed but still red-faced, trying not to look you in the eye. You jokingly ask if she's still feeling hot. Oh no did all the Cyndaquil give you a fever? :)

She throws a snowball in your face