#and josh did one of his little speeches and i don't remember all of it

[alwaysonthemend]

does anyone have any stories of like ✨ the moment ✨ u fell in love w the gvf guys?? im feeling sappy and want some other stories 🥺 plz share

[jd-loves-fiction]

𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐓𝐢𝐞

Person B has to get dressed up for a nice event. B is struggling with their tie/dress/suit and can’t get it right. Person A is surprisingly good at fixing it and Person B asks them how they did it.

✦ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Joshua Madika x GN!Reader

✦ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff + suggestive

✦ 𝐰𝐜: 819

✦ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: none

✦ 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: Just a short something cuz he just looks too good :)

“God! Come on…” Joshua mutters to himself, fiddling with his troublesome tie as you walk in to put away some laundry. You set it aside and lean against the doorway for a moment, just to watch his handsome face scrunch up in mild frustration as the silky fabric slips from his grasp once more, “Are you going to help me? Or is this sight too amusing?”

“Hmm… nearly.” You tease, approaching him slowly to stand between him and the mirror and taking the tie from his slippery hands. Your own hands work quickly, almost automatically – all while Joshua ogles your ass in the mirror.

Lost in the wonderful sight, he’s caught off guard by you stepping back, “You’re done?” you nod, fiddling with his lapel and shirt collar. God, he looks damn good.

“How– That was so fast.” His long lashes blink in shock, he should’ve asked you to help him before now. “When did you learn to do it so fast? You don't even wear ties?”

“Oh, well…” You trail off, suddenly put on the spot and going back to fix minute details in his appearance to distract yourself – the curl fallen to his forehead, a speck of dust on his jacket, a small wrinkle on his shirt.

“This story’s a bit… unusual, so bear with me.” Josh nods in understanding, now entirely focused on watching your features that begin feeling warmer at the attention.

“So, remember I said I took psychology in high school?” A nod, “On one, seemingly random, class the teacher told us – without context – to learn how to tie a tie. And that he’d be grading us based on how well we did in the next class. Me, boasting the absolutely stellar combo of ‘perfectionist’ and ‘people pleaser', went to ask my father to teach me. Turns out, he's never worn a tie in his life and my mother was even less helpful.”

Skepticism would be a gentle way of describing the expression on your boyfriend’s face, so you raise your hand as if to wordlessly tell him to wait until you’re done before judging, “Why… would he ask you to do that?”

“I haven't the faintest, Josh. It was the guy’s last year as a teacher – I feel like he didn't care about making sense anymore. Anyway–” He pulls you with him while sitting down on the edge of the bed, giving your tired neck a rest from having to look up at him as you speak.

“Long story short, Youtube tutorials were surprisingly effective – I got full marks on the next class, even though I feel like that didn't end up mattering at all. I guess the knowledge just stuck from then.” You add sheepishly, adjusting (playing with) Joshua’s gorgeous curls as he takes you in silently. So focused on getting the details right, you barely noticed the unwavering attention he leveled you with during your little speech, cowering now that you do, “What’s that look for?”

His hand reaches for your cheek, brushing it with a tenderness that warms the skin beneath, “You’re just… everything.”

“Are you just saying that because you don't know what to say to that story or what?” You giggle, playfully gripping a handful of curls to direct his gorgeous nose to brush yours, both going cross eyed in the process.

“No, I mean it.” He whispers softly, long lashes fluttering against his cheeks as his lips graze yours, “You’re everything…” to me, he wants to say but the urge to lay his lips against yours is far too strong. The kiss is slow and sensual, almost enough to distract you from the fact that his hands begin wandering down your body, “Don't you have somewhere to be?”

“It can wait.”

“Hmm, not what you said this morning…” You whisper, matching his suggestive tone and doing nothing to discourage his actions – you don't want him to go, of course you don't, but you clearly recall him stressing over how important this dinner is just a few hours prior.

“Well, that was this morning. Before I discovered there were productive things for me to be doing.” His lips descend on your neck, sucking on it gently as your breaths hasten together.

“Me, you mean?” You tease and he hums approvingly, nimble fingers pulling back the band of your leggings to let it slap against your skin. Focusing becomes harder every second he keeps touching you, but a glimpse at the clock on the wall tells you it’s time to end the fun.

“I think I can wait… The dinner, however, can't.” With great effort, you tear yourself from his warm embrace, delighting in his childish whine while stepping back out of the reach of his long limbs. “Get to it.”

He groans deeply as you step out to give him space to prepare, secretly hoping he doesn't come back too tired to pick up where you left off…

[who-am-i-no-one]

Emma. (2020)

I watched this movie in late January. After multiple viewings and re-reading the book, I have a lot of thoughts about this adaptation.

It seems rather strange, given that Emma is part of my holy trinity of Austen novels, that I didn't watched the most recent adaptation earlier. I think it was mostly due to my initial impression that Anya Taylor-Joy's otherworldly looks didn't quite match what I had in mind for the titular character. I decided to give this version a try after watching Queen's Gambit. Not sure that Anya's looks will ever grow on me, but she did impress me as a young actress who seemed to have a maturity beyond her years.

Long story short: really wished I had seen this movie earlier! It is absurd and heartfelt at the same time, imo, the version that best imbues Austen's humor. It is now my favorite adaption, with the possible exception of Clueless, and I'm not quite sure how much of that is just nostalgia.

From the casting to the direction to the script to the costumes to the set to the soundtrack, I could tell the creative team really put a lot of love into this project. It's always a joy to watch something that's made with love and made well.

Direction

Autumn de Wilde's directing is quite good. I would never have thought this was her first feature. She certainly has a unique and colorful style, which is probably to be expected for such a famous photographer.

Funnily, while watching the movie I kept thinking it reminded me of early Hollywood romantic comedies like Bringing Up Baby (incidentally one of my favorites) or The Philadelphia Story, and then reading interviews and seeing that she had tried to bring in some of that style of humor made me feel rather validated. Also the servants' reactions were awesome!

Absolutely loved the fact that they decided to show that Knightley and Emma were in love with each other very early on in the story, with Knightley more aware of it. I've read some people complaining about the surprise of Emma's being in love being ruined. But come on, did anyone reading two chapters into the book think it wasn't going to be the two of them together in the end?

Loved how much of Knightley's point of view we got in this movie. This is one repressed pinning man. I can totally see this Knightley riding ventre a terre from London in the rain because he thought Emma was heartbroken.

The only gripe I had was the lack of Frank and Jane's subplot. As it seems they shot some scenes for that, I assume it was the director's discretion to take them out. I remember thinking while watching the movie that they must have expected the audience to be familiar with the story because some things just didn't really get explained or extrapolated on a lot. If you hadn't read the book it'd be 30 minutes or more into the movie before you put two and two together and figured out why Mr. Knightley is always at Hartfield.

Script

The script takes most of the dialogue directly from the book, which is awesome. I love Austen's writing because there is a certain musicality to it and retaining that in large part for the movie really made it better for me. The deftness with which Eleanor Catton moved dialogue from one scene in the book to a totally different one in the movie was quite brilliant. Everything flowed so well.

The scenes that differed from the book were also excellent - namely, I really loved the Jane/Knightley duet, the infamous nosebleed and first kiss scenes. 💖 I thought the screenwriter used those changes to quickly establish plot points and character arcs well.

Costume/Hair

Not a Recency expert so can't say much about the costumes and hair as far as period correctness but from reading other reviews it seemed like they were very true to the period. Obviously appreciated them taking the time to show the audience how men got dressed in that time (purely for research purposes obviously 😜).

Emma's dresses were all quite beautiful. I especially loved the black evening dress, the pink one with the roses and the proposal dress. Also loved the little pop of red shoes that went with the proposal dress. As someone who wore red shoes with her wedding gown I heartily approve.

Absolutely loved how Emma's curls unwound as her life unravels. Similarly think they must have done the same for Knightley to a lesser extent. His hair during the card playing scene at the Westons was quite terrible.

Set

I! Loved! Hartfield! It looked just like a doll house. Really most of the sets looked good enough to eat. So much pastel. Reminded me of French macarons.

I liked how everything in Donwell Abbey was shrouded in Holland covers. Makes a good point that Knightley barely lives there at all, that his home has been with the Woodhouses for quite a while now. Which, of course, makes his sacrifice at the end just a little bit less of a sacrifice?

Soundtrack

Isabella Waller-Bridge's music really meshed well with the tone of the entire film. The male and female opera singers, sometimes sounding as if they are bickering with each other and other times seeming to be in duet, was a brilliant touch. The folk music was a little jarring at first but really grew on me.

Johnny Flynn's end credits song "Queen Bee" is amazing. I love that we get Knightley's perspective at the end with a song written and sung by Knightley. It's a lovely coda to the movie. And now, if the next Austen hero doesn't write one for his SO I'm going to think him a very poor sort of lover.

Cast

Anya's Emma was really great. I'm glad they allowed Emma to be her bitchy self. Lol. I haven't watched the 1996 and 2009 versions in a while but I distinctly remember them making Emma too nice. I recall writing after watching the Garai version that Emma was actually mean and they should have let her be mean! If she's not a brat in the beginning, how will we see her change for the better later on? I love what a snob and how manipulative this Emma was and so assured of her place in her little society but still had the vulnerability of almost an imposter's syndrome which I feel most people can relate to.

Her chemistry with Johnny Flynn's Knightley was off the charts. Pretty much every scene they had together I half expected them to reenact the library scene from Atonement lol.

Mia Goth was a wonderful Harriet. She really captured Harriet's inexperience, naivete and diffidence. The orgasmic sounds she was making during the gypsies attack scene were awesome. Although, I could probably have forgone a few of Harriet's scenes for more Frank and Jane.

Not sure why they made Mia go brunette since the book specifically mentioned Harriet was fair? Perhaps having all three leads as blondes was just a bit too much. I'm also not sure if I liked Harriet's ending as I really don't think Emma, even in her most contrite mood, would invite further friendship from a tradesman's daughter and soon-to-be her husband's tenant farmer's wife. This seems a piece of modern day wishful thinking on the part of the creative team.

Bill Nighy was so good as Mr. Woodhouse. He made it so believable why everyone would do everything in their power to accommodate his whims. The gag with the screens was too funny. He was able to sketch out a lonely quirky old man who is afraid to lose those close to him in very limited screen time. Absolutely loved the scene where Emma was heaping blame on herself and he just sat with her in sympathetic silence.

Miranda Hart's Miss Bates was excellent as well. She has long been one of my favorite British comedic actresses but she can also do drama well. Her reaction to Emma's teasing on Box Hill and her forgiveness of Emma later brought me to tears.

Josh O'Connor's Mr. Elton was deliciously creepy. The carriage proposal scene was at once a little scary and hilarious. I actually liked the portrait scenes a little less because I found the acting there slightly affected and veering into 1995 Mr. Collins territory. But as Austen described Elton as having "a sort of parade in his speeches", this was much more forgivable. Really loved Mr. Elton's determination to eat cake during the Eltons' visit to Hartfield.

Tanya Reynolds was an excellent Mrs. Elton and in very little screen time was able to bring to life this meddlesome nouveau riche. Adored her little shimmy during the ball.

Amber Anderson's Jane really looked as if she were in a decline. Callum Turner did a good job as a slightly restless, mischievous and immature Frank Churchill. I did feel his looks were a bit too modern but that's just my personal view.

Given how many scenes they had I thought they used the time they had pretty well with furtive glances and sly smiles at each other to establish the relationship.

Connor Swindells was such a love sick puppy as Robert Martin. Did this role ever get cast in other adaptations? I don't seem to recall at all.

Special shoutout to Oliver Chris's John Knightley. Absolutely had me in stitches.

And last but never the least, Johnny Flynn's Mr. Knightley:

To preface, I will never not fall for Mr. Knightley in any version that I watch. And really, get yourself a good looking enough actor with good enough chemistry with Emma and good enough acting chops and you should have a fairly successful Knightley.

I judge all my Knightleys by the Box Hill scene. And up to that point in the movie, I really liked Johnny Flynn's Knightley. He was playful and sexy and jealous and slightly bitchy as well. The duet scene was lovely because I always appreciate a man who can play instruments and sing well. The sexiness and chemistry of the dance scene was off the charts. That's all well and good. And like I said before, given any well cast actor, I probably would have liked them in those scenes as well, just as I've liked Northam's and Miller's Knightleys.

But, the Box Hill scene absolutely blew me away. To make sure I was not just biased towards the last Knightley I saw on screen, I did go back and compare each version's Box Hill scene and I am, actually, even more blown away. Some of it is a credit to the directing and script, but a large part of it is Johnny Flynn's acting in that scene.

As far a script and directing, the set up to the fight scene was fantastic. Loved Anya's expression changes after she makes the joke. Loved Miranda Hart's Miss Bates as she realizes what Emma meant. The silence that followed. Knightley's shocked face and how sympathetic he was to Miss Bates. Can probably write a whole thing just about this scene alone.

I loved the fact that Knightley had an internal struggle as to whether or not to approach Emma and reproach her for her behavior. I know the book has him tell Emma about his struggle but that just doesn't work as well for me on screen.

During the scene you can just tell how frustrated and disappointed in her he is even though he tries to keep his voice low. But the way he reprimands her does not at all feel lecture-y and I feel like part of it is because it seems like he starts to lose control a little bit as well. His voice starts to crescendo as she stubbornly refuses to admit she was in the wrong and culminates in "badly done, indeed!" with actual fingerpointing. Yikes.

Then he losses steam and looked regretful, almost devastatingly so, at his own outburst and perhaps felt that he was losing her by giving this speech and looked as if he would have said something more - an apology or some words of comfort to soften the blow? - but didn't.

This remorse and the struggle at the beginning really bookended the scene for me.

Absolutely loved his Knightley, and, really, him as an actor after that.

The proposal scene as well was very good. His delivery was just really good. The way he said "If I loved you less then I might be able to talk about it more." with some regret and then closing his eyes as if he can't believe what he just said. Soooo good. Also, he cries very pretty, lol.

The delivery of the three "yes" during the kiss scene as Emma asked for confirmation that he really was ok with giving up his house to come live with them was also brilliant. It just kept getting softer and softer but he never breaks eye contact. Absolute chef's kiss. His closed eyed little smile of content after Emma kisses him just made me melt into a puddle.

Yup, overall I'd say I rather liked his interpretation of Mr. George Knightley. 😜

I did wish they hadn't giving him such sideburns but after watching some Emma interviews I can totally understand. If he didn't have the sideburns there'd be more complaints about how young this Knightley was. He's got such a baby face.

...I seemed to have written an entire essay on this movie...yeah, I just have a lot of feelings and thoughts about this version...

[obliviontomars-blog]

The Group - Chapter 01

So here's the deal: it's my first fanfiction ever. I will continue if you guys give me some feedback (I need to know if this sucks or not). 

Hope you can enjoy and have as much fun reading as I did writing :D

The food was all set. Vegan, healthy, sugarish, you name it. One of my favorite things was to host parties and make people feel welcome. After a while I became known for my hospitality and the crazy parties with the coolest people I threw.

After I moved to LA, me and my friends started to throw some Wednesdays parties in my apartment. People called us "The Group". We were 5 students (and a teacher) of UCLA, of different areas, that became very close.

The rule to our meetings was to always bring another person, so we could meet new people. That way my place was constantly full of artists, painters, directors, actors and students. The most crazy and creative people of LA.

The living room was already full of people. A plastic artist from NY, a few students from UCLA, and this supposedly famous writer that I have never heard of.

I was refilling the avocado toasts when my phone vibrated. Tessa had sent a message:

"Prepare yourself, I'll be there in 15 min."

I didn't quite get what should I be prepared for, so I just assumed she was talking about her presence.

The doorbell hang and Josh arrived, carrying this fancy tequila on his hands.

"Darling, save this for a special occasion, my gift from Mexico."

"Awn thank you, how was the trip?"

"An entire week of crazy sex with the prettiest boys."

"Jesus... I need you to  give me all the details later, baby."

I was putting the tequila in the kitchen cabinet when he asked, while running his eyes throughout the living room:

"Where's Superman?"

"Not among us anymore." I answered,  giving him a kiss on his cheek.

The doorbell hang again. When I opened the door I thought I was too drunk and seeing things wrong.

"Hi baby, how are you?" Tessa gave me a very tight hug. "This is my friend, Jared."

It wasn't the alcohol. He was really there. My mind went completely blanc for a second before I could think of  what to say. Tessa gave me this weird look as if she was trying to say something with her eyes. Think fast Victoria.

"Oh, hey, I'm Victoria. Welcome! There's food, lots of drinks and very nice people. Hope you have fun." I smiled as I finished the same welcome speech I always give to the newbies.

"Thank you, nice to meet you Victoria. I've heard great things about your parties." His voice was calm and had a husky tone that sent shivers through my entire body.

"Hope you'll find them all to be true. Make yourself home!"

He entered the living room and went compliment the people who were inside. I turned myself to Tessa and whispered in a desperate tone to her "Jared Leto? Jared Fucking Leto? Seriously?"

She laughed. "I told you to prepare yourself."

"Oh my god... I need another drink." I said while I closed the door behind me.

I was a huge fan of Jared and his work. Also, he was in my top 5 hottest guys ever. He had this mysterious aura around him that everybody would comment about, wich always made me very curious about him. Besides that, such a beautiful and talented guy, single at the age of 47?  Something was seriously wrong with him.

The thing is, I never thought I would meet him, so I got  really nervous about him being at my place. Despite that, I knew I was a great host, and in the past few years I learned pretty well how to interact with people I've never met before. If I just try to act like I wasn't extremely sexually attracted to him at all, I should be fine.

It was my chance of meeting the myth.  So I took a deep breath, filled my glass with some more wine, and went sit with Tessa and Jared. 

They were sitting on the floor, with Josh, Leo and another girl I couldn't remember the name, just in front of the balcony.

"Where's Superman?" Tessa asked as soon as I sat down.

"Oh lord... He's not coming anymore, okay? No comments, let's just move on."

"Victoria, you're gonna die alone." Leo mocked me.

I sticked my tongue at him. "Thank you, next."

We all laughed. 

I notice Jared wasn't drinking anything. "Hey, can I get you something to drink?"

"Would you have something non-alcoholic?"

"That's gonna be a little hard to find here today. I'm so sorry. I'm gonna check the  fridge to see if I can find anything."

"Don't worry, water is fine by me."

"No way." I got up and went to the kitchen. 

My apartment wasn't very big, it was an open concept living room and kitchen, with a huge balcony in the front. Wooden floors, very cozy, nice view.

I realized Jared was following me, so I immediately straighten up, making sure my butt looked bigger. Cause you know, they ALWAYS look.  I was wearing a high wasted shorts and an open back body that gave me a very sexy look.

I opened up the fridge and saw some lemons.

"How about a lemonade?"

"I would love one, thank you."

He leaned on the counter top while I was preparing the drink.

"I'm sorry about my curiosity, but who is this Superman guy? Everybody here is talking about him." He asked, almost whispering.

I chucked. "It is actually the Superman. My now ex-almost-boyfriend, that I happened to have dumped. Henry... Cavill. I said looking down. People always got surprised by the fact I was dating him, wich made me embarrassed. "He apparently got very close to everybody. More than I thought." I sighed.

"Oh wow. You dumped him? Woman you've got some balls. I wouldn't dump a man like that." He pointed to his arms while saying it, alluding to Henry's massive muscles.

I laughed ."Yeah, well, what can I say... I'm more of a batman kind of girl." I winked at him.

He threw me the prettiest smile I have ever seen in my life. His eyes were blue like an ocean. It felt like I could get lost in those forever.

I was smiling back at him when I immediately remembered he interpreted the Joker,  so I swallowed hard hoping he wouldn't think I was flirting with him. Well, I wouldn't actually mind if he think that, though.

"So, no alcohol, at all?" I asked to break the ice.

"Bad for the body. And the mind." He added.

"Living on planet earth is bad for the body and the mind. Seriously, no poisons?"

"Well, I had enough you know. I spent too many years on the road and already had my share of all the poisons you can think of. Now I just like to stick to the natural adrenaline."

"Natural as in what, pot?" I chuckled at my own audacity.

He smiled. "As climbing, or my concerts. And a little bit of that too, every now and then" He smirked.

I laughed "Oh that's nice. You know, I'm a big fan of hiking. Actually my friend Leo got me into that, he does climb sometimes too." I finished the drink. "Here we go, a non-alcoholic lemonade to you, Sr."

He smiled at me and took the glass, slighty touching my fingers. My legs went loose and I thought I would fall down if weren't for Leo's voice.

"Heard my name."

"I was just telling Jared you like climbing,  and initiated me into the mountains."

Leo was an extremely tall and handsome brunette guy. He was a photographer and teacher at UCLA. 

"Yeah it's my favorite hobby, and allows me to take some pretty nice pictures."

"Since you've mentioned, I was actually thinking about going to Yosemite saturday morning.  We could hike, so the lady here could go too." Jared said.

"I would really like that, could be fun. Victoria?"

"Count me in." I answered and shook my head in sign of approval.

Someone in the balcony called Jared's name.

"Well, we can talk details later, if you guys excuse me."

Leo smiled at me, saying with his eyes what no needed to be put into words. He lifted up his beer and saluted "cheers to hiking with a very, very, hot guy. I bet your wet right now."

"Cheers to that baby. And yes, I am." I finished my wine all at once.

[clumsyclifford]

hello!! i am back and on desktop this time. the blog is just as pretty. alex + yellow = v v attractive jfc. this is a long one so buckle in.

to begin: i hope you have the most fun on your day road trip and sing your heart out to atl and taylor swift. i love driving long distances and idk just driving in general is fun. have the absolute best time MWAH

my birthday is in november!! november 23 to be specific. i share it with miley cyrus which is something i always found to be very cool when i was growing up and watching hannah montana. it also means i am a sagittarius and funny little fact i realized is that my best friend is a gemini. alex and jack are also a sagittarius and a gemini. from being 13 i know that tyler and josh from twenty one pilots are also a sagittarius and a gemini. something about sagittarius and gemini besties idk.

also yeah!! ao3 year in review!! it's a bit complicated to figure out at first and if you read a lot the finding pages thing can be pretty tedious, but it's def worth it once you figure it out. it gives you a lot of different stats about everything you read and it's pretty cool. now i am going to go look at your fics to remember my favs. you deserve the praise so i am willing to offer it. jeez you write a lot i respect the motivation sm. you write quite a bit of angst and i won't lie i try to stay away from angst so i haven't read your fics that seem super angst-y based on the tags. BUT there are still so many i recall reading and loving nonetheless. on a quick scroll-through: i usually don't read high school AUs but "paint me in trust (i'll be your best friend)" was super adorable and lovely. "thank god i'm yours" is one of my favs iirc. also i love love love "it's not always easy (but i'm here forever)" like yes please romanticize alex gaskarth i love it sm. "i won't be silent (and i won't let go)" and "i fell asleep in a city that doesn't" are both super fluffy and romantic and are favs of mine. in case you haven't picked up on it i adore very fluffy and romantic fics lmao. alright i am continuing to scroll and there are so many more i could list that i love but this section is getting quite long. just know if it's about a kitchen or hotel rooms being for lovers i probably read it and adored it and that pov is so valid.

waterparks!! will not lie i only really started listening to them about 6 months ago having been distantly aware of their existence for several years by being a fan of bands in the same genre. listen as long as you let yourself be vaguely annoyed by awsten is prevents you from being in love with him. follow him on any social media platform for like a day and you'll be sick of him typing in nothing but all caps within hours. simply do not romanticize him and you can keep yourself from falling!! so this is coming from a slightly fake parx fan, but some of my favs by them have been peach (lobotomy), crave, numb, fuzzy, violet!, you'd be paranoid too, and lowkey as hell. that is a very songs-from-their-most-recent-album-heavy rec, but whatever. i did give the disclaimer about being a fake parx fan.

yeah hayley does have 2 solo albums now!! petals for armor and flowers for vases / descansos. pfa is the one i didn't really like upon first listen but has grown on me. i haven't even listened to the second one in its entirety oops but we won't mention it. dead horse is good but simmer (pretty sure that was the other single??) just ain't it for me. the album has some lovely songs but it's just a hit or miss album all the way through. some favs of mine on it include pure love, taken, crystal clear, watch me while i bloom, and why we ever. it's sorta a storyline album about healing if that adds anything to it?? but anyways. i started listening to paramore around the time after laughter dropped and it grew to be one of my fav albums in existence. idle worship is probably one of my fav songs like ever. i def understand being slightly put off by bands with songs that make religious references (me with twenty one pilots' earlier music that makes a lot more religious references considering i'm not religious whatsoever) but i think i am blinded by being in love with hayley williams and just ignore it. idk that she's like super religious?? she's addressed believing in god and stuff a few times but she's def not the "rub it in your face" type and if she's making refs in music more recently then they're subtle enough i'm not noticing them. ik albums like brand new eyes had a lot more because it was shortly after that the band split and the songwriting process was essentially her and ex-bandmate co-songwriter arguing about their religious beliefs (turns out he ended up being super homophobic and transphobic all based on his religion so do with that what u will and thank the clown for leaving). i feel u on the "i meant to start listening to them" because that's essentially how i started listening to them. i told myself i was going to and then finally forced myself to do it. fuck falling for awsten knight what's more risky is falling in love with hayley </3

also yeah!! you've articulated my feelings towards tde. every song is so vastly different that it's hard to like it all. #1 fan is pretty decent though, and that's not just my bias about finding both ross and his gf hot and a cute couple and getting to see them together and ross half naked in a mirror in the video nope not at all. he's my fav himbo!! he has no personality!! no thoughts head empty!! i still love him and his strawberry-growing saga on twitter tho <3 the hazard of being in love with ross lynch since i was 12. girlfriend better be a fucking banger and there's quite a few already released singles in the tracklist so i have hope. i believe my show is in chicago on november 19 which is a thursday. kinda sucks since i intentionally bought the chicago tix nearly two years ago (the show was originally supposed to be april 25 2020. lol.) because the show was on a saturday and i have to drive 3 hours to get there. obviously i can't speak for them as tde but r5 shows always fucking slapped and i can vouch for them (realized i haven't seem them live since 2016?? 5 YEARS?? wtf) so if u genuinely like them. would recommend going to see them.

anyways. i have not listened to luke's solo album yet. i plan on it. this has gotten so long but i tried to respond in all areas and even organized it in different paragraphs this time (thanks being on desktop!!). hope you are well. hope you have a lovely day. hmm what's a little "going on in my life" fact. i got new glasses a few days ago and my eyes essentially said fuck off because adjusting to the new prescription has left me with eyes that hurt and occasionally slightly nauseous. here is to hoping my eyes get their shit together. mwah LOVE YOU TOO - the other bella/cubs anon/idk

okay hi hello. i have put this off because holy hell it's long but let's do it. i am putting a cut because this whole thing is long even without my answer

first: the road trip was super fun thank you!!! i am intrigued by this information regarding sags and geminis, we should do some scientific inquiry. enquiry. i don't know if there's a difference between those words.

aha! well i tried the ao3 year in review thing and i would say it had about 55% accuracy but still i agree it's fun to look back at that kind of stuff. and i feel you on the angst thing i go through phases of writing angst-heavy stuff and then writing very fluffy stuff and it is entirely based on my mental state buuuut i have lots of fluff and i'm glad you found it all and that you liked it yay <333 KITCHENS ARE FOR LOVERS i will die on that fuckin hill. hotel rooms as well but primarily kitchens.

dfgjhgdlfkhgdfmj honestly i dont use twitter enough that i would see his tweets enough that that would bother me also the fact that he tweets in all caps means that i just picture him yelling everything he tweets which i find absolutely hysterical so i don't think that would help. i have added these parx songs to my listen asap playlist and will get to them when i get a chance thank you i am excited also i already know lowkey as hell and it slaps super hard so im very much lookin forward to the rest of these. merci merci

YEAH simmer was the one i didnt vibe with. and honestly i feel zero compulsion to get into hayley williams as a solo artist. i just don't vibe enough to want to do that so i doubt i'll be listening to her anytime soon but maybe if i hear the songs in passing or get super bored one night, idk who can really say. but yeah christianity typically puts me off of music (speaking as a very jewish bitch) although there are notable exceptions in the cases of thomas rhett and the driver era. i'm just not attached to hayley enough to be like ehhh this doesnt matter. does that make sense

FAVORITE HIMBO PLEASE HGSDFGDFGKLFGJ i dont follow him on twitter but i have seen some interviews of ross and rocky and tbh they're great i love the way ross speaks like i like his speech mannerisms and i like his FACE and HAIR and. yeah. i think hes pretty. and i think he and 5sos SHOULD collab i think that would be sexy as hell. can you imagine that. oh my god can you imagine a ross lynch/luke hemmings collab. i'm not even really talking to you anymore bella because i know you haven't listened to luke yet and don't have a stake in it but if anyone else is reading this long ass answer. ross & luke collab. okay im going to move on and not think about that now. but i probably won't see tde unless i get a job this semester because i'm trying to stop spending so much money on big indulgent things like concerts likeee i was in a really good habit of not spending that much and then suddenly i got paid for one summer and i was just goin Crazy and i need to dial it back. plus i wanna see ajr and noah kahan equally bad so like. i have to make some calls about priorities here. it's Much to think about

good luck to your eyes i'm sure your new glasses are hella cute tho!!! LOVE YOUUUUUUU

[queencitydispatch]

"Please can we not make her mayor?"

I woke up today to this fascinating question regarding Cllr. Ana Bailão’s votes to uphold systemic oppression within the Toronto Police. “Please can we not make her mayor?”

It was a deceptively complex question that got me thinking of some of the fundamentals of activism, social change and politics, that I wanted to unpack this question bit by bit.

I’ve cut it into five sections: PLEASE, CAN, WE, NOT MAKE HER, MAYOR.

///

1. PLEASE

I assume this softens the meaning of the phrase - “I want her out of politics” is pretty harsh – especially in the context of a man publicly critiquing a woman. Yet it shows us something important – we are implying we need permission to participate in politics.

Why are we asking for permission? And to whom is this appeal directed? Last time I checked, I don’t need permission to do most things in life, including participating in the political process. Our US-based friends did not ask for permission when they recently revolted against their governments; they did it even though they faced police brutality, neo-Nazi paramilitaries, psychological warfare, a global pandemic and more.

The “please” comes out of the respectability politics that makes “Ontario” as a political entity so curious. “Please don’t gut our healthcare!” is not coming from a position of strength. (Anyway, it’s much easier for progressives to walk back overzealousness in the name of justice than it is for people to walk back bigotry.)

To best challenge power, we must never apologize for having ambitious convictions. We need to champion big ideas, even if they’re ahead of the curve. Two months ago, police reform would have been considered impossible in America. And they were right, it was impossible...under the existing model. So they changed the model.

Change – especially lasting change – comes from the grassroots, so while it’s not a bad thing to support progressive political candidates, parties and organizations, it is *significantly* more important to support issues-based activists and organizations (i.e. if you give $10 monthly to the NDP, why not also give $10 to your favourite advocacy group?). Issues-based groups are formed to challenge one specific cog of power at a time and can therefore deliver deep, fundamental and long-lasting impacts. (Plus…this is a great way for potential candidates to gain some experience; get those ppl knocking on doors now and they’ll do much better in 2022.)

2. CAN

If we are asking “do we, as a community, have the capacity to elect someone better?” The answer to this is yes, but if we’re instead asking “will someone within the existing structure please FINALLY get off their ass and challenge her?” then we might ask ourselves why this hasn’t already happened. The civic left has largely allowed Cllr. Bailão (and, to a lesser extent, Mayor Wonderbread, who is merely a pathetic, respectable version of Rob Ford) to go unchallenged because she’s been deemed impossible to beat, but by not challenging her, the civic left has allowed her career to continue essentially unfettered because they don’t want to spend resources on a race they’re unlikely to win. If only there were some other downtown districts where a new, young generation of activists can start to build their careers…except the seats available are full with straight white boy progressives.

Why does the civic left protect Gord Perks, Joe Cressy and Mike Layton? Like…honestly…I just don't see what the big deal about Joe Cressy is. He bumped Ausma Malik out of the 2018 election instead of doing the right thing and making way for a supremely talented racialized woman like I'd hope someone committed to true justice would. There is even a movement in the democratic party to ask white men to not run in safe seats. [This paragraph and the next have been edited for tone, thank you to Colin Burns for encouraging me to rethink my words and my misdirected anger, my frustration naturally lies with Cllr. Bailāo's behaviour.]

Gord Perks verged into alt-left territory last year as a free-speech absolutist and consequently an apologist for bigotry when he should have defended trans folk. He even shared his disappointing thoughts publicly (yup, he did, they’re still up, don’t @ me on this one, you’ll regret it: http://gordperks.ca/toronto-public-library-chief-librarians-decision/) so considering who he seems to be, we can do better after 14 years? (TL;DR – there’s need for renewal in a lot of parts of our movements, and the labour movement is no exception.)

Mike Layton is a lovely man with his heart in the right place. I’ve volunteered for him and would gladly do it again. It therefore pains me to recognize that his last name is more than a name. I’m happy for everything he (and his team) has contributed in a rapidly changing district. My concern is that lefties can’t afford to support dynasties in the same way that liberals and conservatives can, especially in downtown districts where our odds of winning are good and where we ought to be supporting talented Black, Trans, Indigenous, disAbled and economically-disadvantaged candidates that are already on the front lines of social change. (This list is illustrative, not exhaustive.) By the time of the next election, Mike Layton will have been there for 12 years. Perhaps it’s time for him to open an opportunity for others.

3. WE

Who is “we”? Is it people in this district? Is it people in Toronto? Is it progressives? Whoever can identify this “we” and mobilize them will have the best shot of defeating her. This is the “coalition” people describe as needed to win election. Of course, this includes whoever’s running for office and their team. That organizing work needs to start right now if there’s going to be any chance of a lefty winning this seat in 2022. (If you think she isn’t already considering her council seat successor, remember that her old boss was Mario Silva, who was *coincidentally* Davenport’s City Councillor and MP for a combined 16 years.)

4. NOT MAKE HER

This is maybe the biggest hurdle to get over since “NOT ANA BAILAO” is not an option on the ballot. Considering there are no formal (lol) parties or slates on council, her name recognition is her biggest electoral asset, so a keep-it-safe campaign won’t work. Plus her public image is fairly non-toxic, so as pissed off as we all are, most people won’t be swayed by a STOP BAILAO campaign from the left (the trope of the conservative woman can be very powerful – thanks Maggie – so expect her campaign to lean pretty typically right).

When we say “Cllr. Bailão should not be Mayor” we rob ourselves of the ability to say “I think this person would make a great mayor” or “these are the some of the values I want in a mayor.” – and I don’t mean just of the City Council types. (At this point, Josh Marlow is the other councilor to watch.)

I hate hearing “why can’t we have AOC or Jacinta Arden or Anne Hidalgo or Ilhan Omar?” They didn’t come out of thin air. We already have those people here, we just haven’t elevated them to where they can make a difference and this is why. (Also, lefties, let’s seriously push for term limits and ranked ballots…especially the term limits, most ppl out there love the idea, it costs zero dollars and ensures districts have a healthy amount of turnover.)

5. MAYOR

Toronto City Council is a “weak mayor” system. The Mayor need council approval for pretty much everything important. The Mayor will find success or failure on how well he can build a team of reliable allies on council. It’s something thing Mayor Wonderbread does too well: his allies don’t offer a lot of different views. A hypothetical Mayor Bailão would probably do similar.

So then how rigid should a politician be? Are they supposed to be trustees, where we trust them to do what’s best for us and we have a check-in every 4 years? Or are they supposed to be conduits of public opinion with little regard for context? Or is a councillor meant to reflect the demographics of their district, even though they can only truly embody one set of lived experiences as an individual? Or perhaps, in the case of Cllr. Bailão, someone not dedicated to steering the ship but merely running the engine, not caring where it sails even though we've seen icebergs on the horizon? We’ve grown up in a SimCity generation where we think the mayor can make whatever they want happen. As great as that might sound sometimes, in a democracy, accountability matters. But it must come with a recognition that SimCity mayors don't fear the wrath of the voters.

///

I want to recognize that a 10% reallocation is fucking pathetic and still Toronto council couldn’t do it…but at least we know where we stand, and with whom.

We often look at politics as a sport or a soap opera, and it feels great when your team scores points or your favourite character delivers a knockout performance. Even I was like “dang girl” when Nancy Pelosi defiantly ripped up the President’s speech. I was also touched by Jagmeet Singh’s touching display of emotion the day after he was ejected from the House of Commons for calling out bigotry. But that’s not politics, that’s a long running TV drama series, so as disappointed as I am in what happened, I’m not gonna yell at her in the street because White Man Raging is not a great look these days…or ever.

So let’s not make this about my neighbour, Cllr. Ana Bailão. Let’s make it about the system of oppression she has willingly chosen to uphold and tearing that motherfucker down piece by piece.

[nixonwritesdbh-blog]

Stay with me, don't let me go

Summary: A firefighter android walks into Jericho.

Characters: OC, Simon, North, Josh, Markus

Wordcount: 2305

Relationship(s): Simon x Male OC

Archive of our own

There wasn’t a whole lot Simon knew about Terrance other than his model number and function. The way the android stumbled into Jericho in his yellow uniform with reflective stripes around his arms, legs and torso – hair dishevelled and face dirty – caused quite a stir. His model number (FD400) was barely visible, and the only properly recognizable parts of his uniform were the blue triangles on his back and on the front of his jacket. The android had introduced himself as Terrance, an android made for the Detroit fire department. That was one of the few things Terrance had said, after which he always silently sat in a corner of the room, observing the other androids carefully. North had tried to talk to him, which only resulted in her getting frustrated because he didn’t respond to her. Josh thought it’d be smarter to give Terrance some time for himself, which Simon agreed with. Not everyone wanted to share the story of how and why they deviated. A perfectly understandable reason to keep to yourself.

Yet Simon was still curious.

Which is how he found himself following the FD400 outside in the middle of the night, one and a half week after Terrance had arrived. He seemed to know his way around (he probably went outside every night), climbing stairs and containers on the freighter. After ten minutes of climbing, they arrived in the middle of the ship. Simon looked up at the sky. The full moon was bright tonight. The longer he looked, the more stars showed up. It was a beautiful night.

Simon looked forward again and saw that Terrance had climbed up another container, on which he was sitting. He rested his back against another one behind him, looking forward. Simon couldn’t follow his gaze. Instead, he decided to climb on top of the container too. He pulled himself up but noticed it was more slippery than he thought it was, so naturally, he almost slipped. Before that could happen, however, a hand caught him and pulled him up. Simon looked up and stared into two dark brown eyes. They had the colour of the coffee Simon had served his masters every morning before they went to work. ‘Thanks,’ Simon said, realizing he was staring. The other android nodded and went back to his former position. Simon crawled over and sat down beside him. That’s when he started to observe the other.

Terrance had swapped his uniform for black jeans, a grey shirt with a faded print on it (some space-themed band, Simon guessed. All he could make out was the word Star), a grey hoodie and a black leather jacket on top of it. He still had the same boots on as when he came in. Terrance had also cleaned up. Simon could now see the tiny details on his face, the small freckles that seemed to cover his entire face and neck. He had eyebags, which gave him the appearance of a tired human. His dark brown hair was neatly combed and parted on the left. The LED on the right side of his face was spinning yellow (which it had from the very first moment they met, it had turned blue). Simon sighed when he caught himself staring. Again.

‘Did you know I was following you?’

Terrance nodded.

‘How long?’

‘… the beginning. You’re not… Not so subtle,’ Terrance replied, a bitter smile appearing on his face. Simon blushed in shame. ‘Sorry, I was just wondering where you went. It’s pretty peaceful out here, isn’t it?’ Simon said with a smile on his own face. He wasn’t lying, about both wondering where Terrance went and it being peaceful. Terrance nodded again. A silence fell, one Simon found uncomfortable. He didn’t know why. He considered getting up and leaving Terrance by himself, but something kept him from leaving. Simon blamed it on curiosity.

‘They say you’re a maid,’ Terrance said out of the blue, his gaze not leaving wherever he was looking at. Simon was a bit taken back by the sudden statement. ‘Well, technically I am a family domestic assistant,’ he told the other. ‘So, a maid,’ it sounded very blunt to the blonde android, but Terrance couldn’t be blamed for it. He was probably still trying to figure out emotions after all. Simon couldn’t help but chuckle at the other. ‘Yes, a maid,’ Simon agreed with him. This seemed to satisfy the other and Terrance visibly relaxed a bit. There was another silence, but it was less uncomfortable than the one from before. Simon suddenly felt two arms wrap around him in a tight embrace and he saw how Terrance rested his head on his chest.

Simon smiled and couldn’t help but wrap his arms around the other android.

The next few nights, Terrance started to ask Simon if he could join him to look at the stars together. It was always the same – they would climb onto the containers (Terrance making sure Simon wouldn’t slip again), sit down in the same spot in silence and always ending up hugging. Simon quickly realized that Terrance had trouble talking, expressing himself in words. One night, they were sitting together, Terrance resting his head on Simons' shoulder, Simon holding him close when Terrance asked the question. ‘Do you… like children?’ he softly asked, carefully thinking about what he was going to say. Simon felt himself smile yet again. ‘I think I do. I was programmed to take care of them after all,’ he responded, looking down to his companion. He was met with Terrance’s eyes, big brown orbs that finally showed some kind of sparkle of excitement. ‘That’s.. nice. I… I like children too. They make me… feel happy,’ the FD400 said with a smile. An actual, genuine smile. Simon felt his heart skip a beat at the sight. ‘Why?’ he asked, wondering if he’d get an answer. Terrance shrugged. ‘They remind me… Of the captain. He was a big child… but very brave,’ he mumbled softly. Simon frowned. ‘He’d sometimes take me home… and let me play with his… daughter,’ the broken sentence with the most emotion Simon had ever heard from him. ‘She was… nice. They were nice. They’re like… you, but different,’ Terrance continued with his soft voice.

‘Why is that?’ Simon asked, letting curiosity get the better of him again. He saw the LED of the younger android spin from his usual yellow to a bright red. ‘Because they are dead… my family is dead…’ Terrance said with a trembling voice. His smile had faded and was replaced by sadness. Simon didn’t want to push it any further. ‘I promise you, I won’t die. I’ll stay with you,’ the words had left the PL600’s mouth before he knew. Could he keep the promise? Probably not, with as little supplies they had… Yet Simon didn’t have the heart to tell the trembling android in his arms. So he just kissed the top of the other’s head and rubbed little circles on his shoulder. ‘I’ll stay with you for as long as my thirium pump allows me to.’

Simon noticed Terrance would stay closer and closer to him by each passing day. He himself began to feel quite attached to the other android, making sure he was feeling comfortable and that he got to know others as well. Simon encouraged Terrance to talk to Josh more, who started to help Terrance with his speech. Terrance even seemed to start talking to North at some point, even if they were brief conversations about how they were feeling that day. It warmed Simons heart that the former-firefighter finally opened up to the people of Jericho. Their meetings, however, didn’t stop. More and more often Terrance would talk about his old life with “the captain”, a human whose name was Jack Montgomery. The man had a daughter named Sophia, a girl around ten years old. Simon on the other hand, found himself looking Terrance’s way more and more often. He felt embarrassed every time Terrance looked his way and waved with a smile whenever Simon got lost in the man. He couldn’t quite put his finger on all tingling sensations in his stomach area whenever Terrance seemed happy. But deep in his heart, he knew he had fallen for the firefighter.

Then the night came where Markus fell into Jericho. They were hidden because of all the loud noises coming from the ship, Terrance standing very close to Simon. They circled the newcomer, afraid of what he’d be. Simon felt a hand grasp his, which made the blonde blush a bit. They found out Markus was another android, so that definitely calmed the rest down. They all returned to their previous tasks. Simon waited for Markus to talk to him. Terrance sat in his usual spot, reading some book he found on the ship. Markus was exploring Jericho, lighting fires in the steel barrels and talking to different people. Simon decided to give him time, which made him look Terrance’s way again. The android had closed the book and was staring to one of the near barrels with a blank face. This… wasn’t good. Simon made his way over and sat down next to him. ‘Terrance, are you alright?’ he asked, taking one of Terrance’s hands in his. Simon felt the other android shake now. Terrance shook his head. ‘C-can’t…’ he mumbled, still looking at the fire. Simon was concerned, so he got up and offered Terrance his hand. ‘Let’s go outside for a bit, shall we?’

Fifteen minutes later, they sat down at their usual spot. Terrance had immediately wrapped himself around Simon, who hugged him back. Terrance was still trembling. ‘Do you mind telling me what’s making you feel this way?’ Simon asked, making sure to rub Terrance’s shoulder. ‘T-The fire… It made me remember…’ he stumbled over his words. His LED was spinning a red colour, which only made Simon more concerned. ‘Remember what, exactly?’ the older android asked. Terrance looked up at him, eyes filled with tears. Simon felt his heartbreak at the sight of Terrance’s state. ‘It made me remember how scared I am. It made me remember when everyone died. When Alex died. When Peter died. When Tony died. When J-James died… How I failed to save the captain and oh RA9, how I couldn’t save sweet little Sophia,’ tears were now streaming down his face, hands holding onto Simons clothes tightly, as if he was scared Simon would die as well. ‘I am so scared, Simon,’ Terrance admitted, lowering his head in shame again. ‘I’m so incredibly scared of fire.’

Simon thought about it for a second. A firefighter scared of fire seemed weird at first. He was programmed to not be scared of it, right? But then logic started to kick in and it suddenly all made sense to Simon: Terrance had lost so many people dear to him to flames and what else. Of course he was going to be scared of flames. ‘Terrance, it’s okay. The fire isn’t going to hurt you,’ Simon tried, unconsciously wiping the tears away. Terrance shook his head. ‘I don’t give a d-damn about me getting hurt, I don’t want you to get hurt! I don’t want to lose someone I love to fire again!’ he shouted. Simon shushed him by cupping his face. ‘Listen to me, it’s fine. It’ll be fine. The chance of us dying here is very very small because Jericho is a very humid place. And I’m sure that if it happens, you’ll help us get to safety,’ he calmly said, still wiping away the tears. His words and his touch seemed to have an impact on the other, so he decided to link up with the other to calm him down.

The first thing he saw was burning corpses. He heard a lot of screaming – and then a loud explosion. Then there was a wall, which was torn down. Suddenly there was a dead human in his lap. The tag on his coat said; ‘Captain Montgomery’. There was blood everywhere. Everything went black, and then Simon suddenly… saw himself. He saw himself talk to the other Jericho members. He saw himself reading a book. He saw himself slipping from that goddamn container and he felt the panic when Terrance saw it happen. There were more and more images of himself, and then Terrance’s voice.

‘I want you to be safe. I want you to be happy. I don’t want you to be in pain. I want you. I want you. I want you. I need you. I need you. I lo-‘

Terrance jerked away from Simons touch, panic on his face. He blushed, and Simon saw a bright blue dusted across his cheeks. Was Terrance embarrassed by himself? Ashamed? Simon didn’t know, but the other took his distance. ‘S-Sorry Simon,’ the FD400 mumbled, tears still running down his cheeks. Simon moved over to Terrance and cupped his face with both hands again. He wiped away some more tears and then leaned in and kissed Terrance. He felt the other stiffen at first, but then Simon took his hand and linked up with him again.

I love you too, Terrance. I promise I’ll stay with you for the rest of our lives, he told the other, filling his words with as much emotion as possible. Terrance calmed down at this, and slowly kissed him back. Simon closed his eyes. This felt… Right to him and he smiled into the kiss. The world seemed to fade around them and all Simon could focus on was the way Terrance clumsily pulled him closer. After a while, Simon pulled back and smiled at the other. He noticed the LED just turned blue.

It was the first time he ever saw his new lover with a blue LED.