#and kabru keeps trying to come up with reasons as to why he might be sinister or evil but.... kabru knows hes not

[technicolorxsn]

kabru is so fascinating to me.... girl what is wrong with u

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 11: “I Can Either Have Fun and Lose or be boring and lose” - MJ

guess i got stoned

I know I haven't made a confessional is what's probably around two weeks, but there are some things you just don't want to remember and shouldn't bother saying in this heat of the moment so from tomorrow on, we're starting fresh. Or as fresh as you can be when you're 10 feet into a giant hole you dug yourself. 

Dang – my first vote against in the entire game so far, and it was more of the "You rock but I have to vote SOMEONE" variety. Seems like I always get those. Or the avalanche of blindside votes. Not much in between.

Anyway, despite being generally pretty messy as far as tribal councils go, both of mine went as planned/expected. I'd have really liked to save Matt if I could, but MJ was being overbearingly pushy on saving Jake and nobody seemed intent on upsetting the apple cart. Not much you can do when nobody else will follow. Wes and I were pretty much on an island and, with tribe sizes still being this big, it didn't make sense to fracture the tribe. Not when there are still reasonable targets before myself.

Caspian, though, came as a surprise. Wow. Owen was saved from being double-clocked and Logan (!!!) lost a life. Unexpected as hell. But they don't seem too torn up about it, which is excellent. Doubly so because it's the music video challenge.

So why am I in a good spot on this one? Well, for one, I'm pretty good at editing video. For two, I've got Jack/Steffen on Andaman and Logan/Jake/Ruthie on Kabru who can devote all their energy to the one tribe. I can imagine having too many people spread too thin could be an issue, so I'm glad we have a good balance.

Now, why am I in a bad spot? I worry I may have bitten off more than I can chew. I'm responsible for editing two videos and filming myself lip-syncing to them, too. That could be an issue. I really can't procrastinate on it. I'm at work til 4, so I'm spending my day with Victorious (our shape-inspired tune) and The Galaxy is Ours (space, whaddup!) on loop. Hopefully I'll know the lyrics by tonight. And in the meantime I've also started gathering some stock video footage that I think could look badass in the right circumstances.

On the Kabru side, Logan (all-star that they are) has already sent their video my way, and it's absolutely awesome. After the HvV2 video, I'm totally not surprised. They go all out on these comps, and there are probably a very usable 2:15 out of the 3:00 video. If everyone on both my tribes approaches the video with this kind of enthusiasm and commitment, I have a hard time seeing either one lose.

Nobody has yet sent in on Andaman, but it's still super early. Lydia and Jack both sent pictures of their makeup last night (Jack in Skype, Lydia via Snapchat) and they both also knocked it out of the park. Steffen said he'd get on it after class, and I suspect Kait will follow suit. But I know she's also filming two videos so I don't want her getting overwhelmed, either.

As far as my videos, I've got a fairly basic idea for the space video. I might even be able to do a Bowie homage with a red lightning bolt on my face while air-playing my guitar?? Idea just came to me, but it could work. I'd need to do that video after my Kabru video though, otherwise the makeup might leave a mark that I can't immediately get off. I also had an idea involving a lightbulb, but I'll keep that one under wraps for now. Much more fun to see the end result.

As far as the Victorious vid goes... gosh, I really don't know. High energy, high impact, lots of aggression is the guidelines we set for ourselves. I've got some workout gear in the basement – maybe a high-intensity type workout vid? Getting in shape fits the theme too, right? Just spitballing at this point. I won't even be able to put much work in until after work, so I'll be caught up in my head in the meantime.

But.... AAAAGH, I love these comps. Forcing the creative side out usually ends pretty well, especially when others are around to do some of the heavy lifting. Steffen was great in offering ideas last night for the music video. We didn't end up using them because they just didn't fit QUITE right... but it's not an easy thing to be willing to throw out ideas like he did. He's down on himself for not being able to contribute much, but from my perspective he was the only one trying to provide concrete ideas. That gets him some brownie points in my eyes. Four brownie points, to be exact. Four for you, Steffen Coco. You go, Steffen Coco.

Okay, I'm brain-spewing all over the confessional page again. I'mma wrap this up. But I'm ridiculously excited to see what we can come up with here.

Phew. Everyone has been killing it today. Since the last confessional, we got stuff from Kait, Lydia and Jack on the Andaman side, with myself and Steffen still to go. On the Kabru side... less content. But Logan's still a star, and they sent me the intro that's going to kick so much ass paired with the video.

I'm in the hero or goat position right now on both tribes, I think. Andaman has been absolutely crushing it. The only way I see us losing is if I don't pull through on this video. And to do that, we still need a few shots that I'm planning on doing. But I've already gone through the content I've got and made notes on where the best segments are. Should speed my job up tonight a little bit.

As for NuNuKabru (which, it just occurred to me, has the same syllables and cadence as goo goo g'joob) I'm not exceptionally worried. It would be nice to have video from others, but I think Logan and myself alone could make a great video if we have to. Everything else is just a bonus. And fortunately, I know Ruthie's planning on sending something. Pretty sure Jakey is, too. The more, the merrier, and the better content we'll have to make a video we can be proud of.

The music video is horrible and I will never forgive myself if we lose this challenge. THIS IS MY CHALLENGE I HATE IT. Thank god I took over the album creation because my tribe would have been toast.

ummmmm so MJ and Logan went to rocks for me which I'm really grateful for. I know Ryan and Ari and Jenna all really love them and say they're an ANGEL CHILD and I was always like "ya logan is rlly nice" but now like NOW. NOW. NOW THAT LOGAN AND I HAVE TALKED MORE AND LIKE..... THEY DID THAT FOR ME JUST. WOW. I love them so much and I understand why they are so well-liked, because they really did do that selflessly for me and I dfskajhksdj oh wow. MJ idk about. Apparently he had to "flip a coin" in order to decide. And like... He went and told Kait that Jenn had told me that Kait wanted me out, but Jenn thought that I had told Kait and was like "I'm sorry but I can't switch my vote, I don't know what you told Kait but I'm done" or something along those lines and I.... whew. So MJ like.... I don't get it. He could've flipped on me, in which case yeah.... I would've revealed everything he had told me. I have it all written down, and if he crosses me somehow, then without a doubt I'm blowing up the things he said. 

At this point, I need to give up any inkling of confidence or control I might have had some point earlier in this game (which honestly was never that much). Now, it's all about survival. I am literally hanging on like.... by my teeth or whatever the phrase is. I'm terrified. If we lose this immunity (which by the way fuck all of you for making us do this when I had strep and also when I'm on a tribe that needs to win and is dysfunctional af), then I could very well be screwed because Logan drew the rock and Steven, Jenn, and Jimmy all just voted on the same side...twice.

I've been working on building a relationship with Steven. I do genuinely like talking with him, and if anyone is gonna maybe flip to help me, it COULD be him... Especially if Steffen talks to him about the whole Kait/Jenn/Jimmy thing. But idk

MY LAST CONFESSIONAL SUBMITTED WIHTOUT ME BEING DONE SORRY

anyways... STeven. Idk why he'd go against people who just went to rocks for him. And then... Maybe I could try to turn the three of them AGAINST MJ, but I seriously doubt it. And if MJ is INTENDING to stay loyal to me, then I could end up burning the one connection I have.

And theeeen there's Jenn. Idk if there was ever any hope of her switching her vote last time. Maybe she never planned on it. But we talked for nearly an hour before she thought I told Kait something.

I waited a couple of days before talking to her again, and I just kind of told her that I didn't want to ruin anything personal between her and Kait or her and I. I still like both Kait and Jenn as people, and I don't want there to be any hard feelings about anything that happens in the game. That has always been my philosophy. I'm a little bit hurt that Kait completely lied to me for honestly no reason... She didn't HAVE to come to me and say she was "so upset" like.... If she wanted me to be dead meat, and I'm already not on a tribe with her, and she ISN'T talking to me now, why did she have to be fake in the first place? Idk. I guess I'll find out after the season ends. I won't hold a grudge over it though, I'm sure she thought she had to or something. oh well :~) All it did was take the very little trust I had left in her after the not voting Jimmy and not submitting her immunity thing and...completely destroy it!!! Whew. Like I am justified now in any action I can possibly make against her (not like that time will ever come).

I don't know if I could reach out to Jenn if we end up going to tribal. Regardless, I may have options. Very few options, but options nonetheless.

I mentioned in a prior confessional that I wanted to see the Malaysia trio CHOKE kfdshfdj in the game, and yeah... That's still true. I don't want any of them to make it far at this point (if they do, good on them). But I want to make myself very clear in saying that that is on a game level only. Personally, I enjoy all three of them, and I think they're great people, and I don't wish them any harm. But they've all wronged me in this game way more than I've wronged them. If I can get one of them to trust me again, that could be ideal (like Jenn...) but unfortunately, it seems hella impossible.

Please let us somehow, by some miracle, win immunity. I will praise the all star gods that be if I can just get SOME SORT of break here. I NEED it.

im getting a really awkward vibe from people on kabru.

at least im safe on andaman i guess, but im so paranoid that even pat bit my head off so! who knows i might be going but i just gotta hope.

im willing to flip the game, if other people are.

i cant believe challenge results ruined my entire day. time to die.

Steven said he'd talk to me tomorrow which is good. The problem is like... MJ has hardly talked to me since the vote tied initially. I don't get it. He went to rocks for me and like legitimately risked his alliance with Kait and Jenn in order to protect me and....idk. He HAS been going back to school though, so I don't blame him and idk. He's probably as tired of this as we ALL ARE.

If MJ sticks with me and I can somehow flip Steven, that'll be good.

Otherwise... I go to Jenn. And try my damnedest. 

jessy, i said id work with jake. lets see if this works.

if me, ruthie, and mj vote together we can take control of this tribe? but idk about mj. mj's insane and is playing a gr8 game everyone loves him. but. lets hope he tries to mix SOMETHING up.

Well, one out of two ain't bad. 

I feel pretty bad about the terrible video quality on the Kabru video. With more time, I could have salvaged it. But we were pressed right up against the time limit. I got the video in with one minute to spare. Remind me never to sign up to edit two videos again.

I'm glad we killed on Andaman, though. Everyone kicked ass (except Carson, who did nothing because it "wasn't a good time for him." Sorry, dude, but we're all busy.) I feel like Andaman would've been an easy vote for that reason, but I'm glad we didn't need to go there. I'm especially impressed with Jack for the booklet and the trading cards. He went to infinity and beyond. (See what I did there?!) But everyone who participated really carried their weight, and that was a hard-earned win.

On Kabru, I take a lot of responsibility for the way that went. My video was not the best quality, and it was hard to edit a cohesive video with such mediocre content from myself. Ruthie had some usable clips that improved the video, and Logan, as mentioned in my previous confessionals, thoroughly killed it. IMO, they carried a lot of that video.

Where we lost the points was adherence to the theme, which... ehh. I thought we did a good job of outside the box thinking, but I guess the judges disagreed. C'est la vie. (Oh, and @Jenn Tramkellan @Justin, YOU try memorizing lyrics to two completely new songs in less than a day!!!)

Anyway, I think Jenn's comments about this tribe being full of clowns isn't entirely wrong. It would've been so much better to have more people contributing to the video. Out of seven people, we had three contribute to arguably the most visible part. Credit to MJ and Wes, the cover art was beautiful and the execution was fantastic. But some more support from a video perspective would've been appreciated. I was expecting more footage than we got, and had to use a lot of stock footage as a result. Had I known what we were getting, I might've tried to incorporate more.

Anyway, no sense looking in the past. This tribal is looking more or less straightforward. I think most of us are on board with taking out someone who didn't contribute on this challenge. MJ might object on this tribe, given his links to Carson and Jake, but I'm not playing MJ's game. I'm playing my own.

He's probably going to target Ruthie, but I'm not writing her name down this round. For one, she's taken enough hits recently, and two, she was a key contributor to the video. 

With a merge incoming, the thought of taking out a competitor is crossing my mind. I haven't made it a secret that I want Jake out, and this round is no different... but a part of me would feel bad taking him out now, given his circumstances. I hope his friend gets better. 

It sounds like Carson might have stuff going on in his life, too? But literally the only thing he said was "I'm so sorry for not helping that much but this is just not a challenge good for me at this time". And... it wasn't exactly a great time for me to put in five straight hours of recording and editing, either. But that's the name of the game, right? 

Anyway, I'm going to push Jake a little bit if the opportunity arises, but I already get the sense that Carson's name will get a lot more traction. And this is prime 'anybody-but-me' territory, especially with a presumed merge looming.

Anyway, this game has gotten past the super stressful portion. I'm doing better than I expected already. Since this round started, I've just been having a ball. This is the most fun I've had in a game since early October when I was still delusionally happy in Crusade.

Yikes I gave up on these. Literally had heart palpitations over the revote and all that jazz and luckily the rock draw worked in my favour but honestly now I'm starting to develop some personal dilemmas. Owen has been talking to me a lot more now and I know it's because we're both on deaths door waiting for someone to take our last lives. Kinda puts me in a predicament though if I were to work with him. I feel I may have revealed too much so he may #expose me but meh tbh LOL. He has good motives tbh. He brought up about us outsiders trying to band together if we can all survive....which all tea all shade I really want to do, especially with my tea time queens Ruthie & Steffen if they make it. I'm not sure what tribe Ruthie is even on though so if they were to boot her and I made a move I'd be down one. However Lydia has told me she feels kinda lost in her group, obviously. Only thing is every time she talks to me she disappears after 2 messages like hun. I need a convo not a passing hi. Anyways I know she likes Owen cuz of things and I know we have our past experience together, both good and bad but we could work something. I just feel with every group I go to I'd be thrust to the bottom. I think the Malaysia 3 want me as a number should a splinter in the two lifer group happen, which it will have to eventually. I just don't know what to do. It would really hurt my personal character to boot Jenn or Jimmy. I would vote MJ, if Owen would to survive. However that means flipping the Malaysia pair which may not happen because they probably don't want so many people left with 1 life b/c of them. I need to be careful not to put my eggs in too many baskets because knowing my luck a fucking elephant would stop over all of them. 

mmmmmmmmmmmm im trying to be quiet this round idk. just hoping for the best for tribal tonight. not much has really been happening on my end bc ive been busy, but yesterday i mostly just tried to do some light damage control w the malaysia ppl.

im the only person going to both tribals this round which makes me v nervous. jake is getting targeted on our tribe and the only way i can save him is if he, ruthie, carson, and i all vote for logan (blindside). which would suck bc i like logan a lot.

the issue w that is that im gonna be alienating pat and wes and theyre really gonna feel like they cant trust me after that if that's what i decide to do. the only like, thing that like...idk. im just thinking like, its still early in the game (f15!), are they really gonna hold a grudge against me for the rest of the game, especially with a merge literally right around the corner? but ugh. its just v messy. i hate being the middle man and having to make decisions like this. i feel like ppl (pat and wes) will be intimidated by me if i go thru with this logan thing. it just really sucks. idk. voting out logan would make kait suspicious of me too its just all a big mess.

i really dont want jake to leave tonight because i think that would be really boring and tbh i dont think he deserves to go pre merge? like he already lost his closest all early in the game like... that sucks. nobody gave him a chance to play and he was just constantly given a bad hand. obvs him blowing up when he got voted out of A didnt help v much but like........ whatever. jake staying in is good for my game. its better for my game than for anyone else's. this is gonna seem v selfish of me but ive played selflessly in all of my other seasons, helping GROUPS of people as well as helping myself, and that's only gotten me the win ONCE. so clearly i need to play it differently here. i should benefit myself more than others.

additionally like.....its already v unlikely ppl will let me get to the end so i might as well try to make this season interesting and keep ppl on their toes so they play harder. i can either have fun and lose or be boring and lose, so obvs im gonna take the fun route at this point.

i need to talk to carson to get him on board with this and hope for the best. jake leaving would be a p bad hit to my game anyways.

I can't wait to be idoled out tonight. Please god, Ryan, Jules, Ari and Jessica make the merge be after this tribal council. I can deal with the disadvantage myself but I'm sick of these tribes. 

AHHHH

stuff is actually happening in this game

im willing to make a move with jake because i feel like im on the bottom and i owe jessy and jake.

however, while jake and co are not certain about if not mj will flip, i think ruthie might flip because shes pretty much saying that she'll flip on jake.

while others might not see ruthie as a threat, like i havent, i definitely see her as one now.

BUT, if we can pull thsi flip off with me mj jake and ruthie, and get out logan, thatll be PERFECT, because something will actually happen in this game. im nto too worried about repercussions because... fuck that. im playing for fun

soooooo I've made a lot of progress with Steven today. He said nobody had really talked to him yet fsdkjdfshj so it's a good thing I did. Last round, Jenn so kindly emphasized to me the fact that she's worried that I'm going to form some sort of super counter-alliance with Steffen, Ruthie, Jake, Lydia, myself, and Steven and some others... Which was not true before. But now? Thanks for the idea, Jenn!!! hehehehehe :~)

I went to Steven and said basically like... There's a big group of people running things, look at who has two lives and at who has one and it's pretty clear. And I appealed to the part of him that has been just trying to survive these last few votes and told him if we joined forces with people like Steffen and Ruthie (who I knew he likes) then we had a chance to be making a change and making moves instead of being used!!!! And he said he agreed :~) He said he was morally concerned bc Jenn and Jimmy went to rocks for him but... I dont' think he'd have any reason to lie to me. And we talked for a loooooong time about all the group dynamics and how something needs to be done. I genuinely like the guy and I think he feels the same about me and if he isn't lying to me then damn I have a CHANCE in this game again.

I told MJ to go and talk to Steven and Steven was gonna talk to MJ and... If they can just decide on a damn name then whew. whew. whew. whew. whew. Pleaseeeeee Lady Gaga and other goddesses above let me have this one more chance. I need to make it a little further. 

I've always talked about how I have a lot to prove and I CANNOT fathom coming in a place that is DOUBLE DIGITS again after FUCKING OLYMPICS. I'm DONE with that! Awful horrible scary time. I need to make the merge at least or jury or something, hot DAMN

I might not be dead yet

coup ko͞o/ noun 1.a sudden, violent, and illegal seizure of power from a government.

Get ready, bitches. A coup is coming.

#SURVIVORNOTFRIENDVIVOR lets get this hashtag trending!  A possible alliance with MJ, Carson and Jakey?  SIGN ME THE FUCK UP!  It sucks because I love Logan and Pat (Wes I could care less about tbh because I feel that he hates me :/)  I'm just ready for big moves and for the game to really start. I have no idea of what we're doing but I'm so ready for this, bring on the fireworks <3

ok but also i'm probably screwed anyways rip

im nervous now bc even if ONE thing goes wrong, this plan is ruined.

if even ONE person rats, this might blow up in my face.

guess thats the problem with big moves, huh? 

we'll see what happens i guess

oh wow im a flop with confessionals huh... anyway just when u think im down and out i keep on kicking! I will not DIE in this game, @jenn remember sarawak?? u should know by now never to count me out!! mj and carson and voting with ruthie and i to blindside.... basically everyone in the game LJFLJKFKLJ. IM LITERALLY SHOOOOOK THAT I GOT CARSON TO DO THIS LIKE I DIDNT THINK HE WOULD... cause hes such a "idw rock the boat D:" type of player. but i literally sucked his ass these past two days to get his vote like im literally exhausted LKJHF.. mj wouldnt go to carson about it so i had to convince carson of it so carson goes to mj and im just shook that happened..

its funny bc logan is mesaging me like "sorry ur going :(" LKJHFLKJHF

me: omg its okay i knew it would happen :( i hope u do well!

KLJFHKLJF GODDDD... sucks bc i like logan WAY more than wes and pat but they have way too many ties and they only have one life left so we need to get them out NOW because if they make it to merge/swap theyre literally SET to WIN this game. no fucking joke. sorry logan if ur seeing this bc you were the nicest to me this whole time on this tribe but i have no other means of survival.

i cant wait for everyone to literally be shook it will truly be something. theres a chance carson is lying to mj/me/ruthie but that would be so stupid of him?? i hope he has enough intelligence to pull this off! i have faith in humanity! yeah, wish pat had one life kljfh

WHY! Why do I get so attached to people? Literally the last few days I've been talking to Owen a lot and I feel he's a strong potential ally but I've had to play fake because despite Owen's suggestions MJ hasn't seemed to bite Owen's idea so I also can't have it even just as an option. Ideally I would like to vote off MJ because out of everyone on this tribe he's extremely connected and he has no relevance to my game, nor me his. It leaves me yet again with a dilemma. I'm half tempted before tribal to send Owen my fake idol which seems kinda legit and say I'd play it on him if he voted MJ. Only thing is I'd have to get Jenn or Jimmy to also switch to MJ and when it's proven the idol is fake by not being played I've pretty much lied to everyone so I'm like? I don't think I could do that much for someone who so staunchly wanted me out only a week ago. It's hard because I like his motives further down the line, and he's also connected to those I'd like to hook in with. I don't know. I know I've had to play the liar tonight and I really don't like it. It's not me and it's not kind. False hope is worse than knowing you're leaving, and boy do I know how it feels. 

Why does everyone I get attached to leave as soon as it happens? If I somehow magically leave tonight then damn, but in all fairness I have no connections anyway? The Malay 3 is a nice group to be attached to, because I know they're carrying me a long, but I don't think people are attuned to the extent we're aligned, or how prepared I would be to chop ties. 

Steven's been quiet for the past hour. I think I'm gonna take that aaaas he's voting me out. So if this is it, peace out, it's been a little bit fun and mostly hell.

History sure does repeat itself, huh! Last TS season I was in: hosted by Ryan, 25 people, small ass tribes, and me getting screwed over by a group who were already friends.

sounds a lot like this game

So hey felicia, AND I HAD TO DEAL WITH RUTHIE THROWING HERSELF UNDER TO, even to the point to save my game in the future which is great, but like that still means I lose an ally, which is annoying, and honestly, had I not been skating by with 1 life, I would've been a lot more aggressive.....or I would've still been crying in a corner, which one is more realistic tbh.

But anyways, we now got a couple of days to do the music industry challenge, which is like the general lip sync comps that I LERV, but with a bunch of this extra shiva, so Im rolling in pain here, but here my team comes in clutch, Pat and Jack win us immunity and I MADE DAY 29 OFFICIALLY, IM AT DAY 100 I CAME AND I DID WHAT I NEEDED TO DO!!!!!!!! But now I need to continue whatever the heck I'm doing and if this is not merge, WHICH WOULD BE EVIL YA BUMS, I will literally die cause this is 10 people left in each game, like what freaking else am I going to be able to do. Especially with freaking someone having an idol, and yes someone (probably Carson) has an idol, cause Owen got the clue from Alex, but someone got it at the volcano which is dumb as heck, or not really dumb but now Im skating on eggshells again cause this aint gucci at all.

So as we won immunity, we got to go to the adventure again, and UNFORTUNATELY, I made Lydia waste 2 of her lives on mercury cause I can't figure that out, but APPARENTLY, I figured out the way to safely get through Jupiter, but I couldn't beat the flash game so now Im sitting here without the ability, so now Im here trying to get Pat to do it too, and turns out THIS FLASHGAME IS HIS JAM, but I'm also sitting here with a Danny Devito picture and a crying Pat and rn this just feels weird.....BUT IM ROLLING WITH IT.

So now Im waiting for tribal to happen, waiting to see what hell is raised and hoping for merge real quick but who even knows at this point, Owen feels dead and Steven ain't telling me anything but Im also here predicting immunity results

On 1/30/17, at 8:54 PM, Steffen Bøhn wrote: > I stay safe in game a On 1/30/17, at 8:54 PM, Steffen Bøhn wrote: > how about you stay safe in game b remember when I quoted the future

that was in a pm with Jimmy

Like back off Raven cause Steffen is in town, *hair flips*, anyways gonna die like a bum, so lets see what the announcement will be tonight.

and that's how owen died

I hope MJ gets blown up somehow. He's playing the best game wihtout a doubt.

I didn't expect it to hurt this much but I think it's because I know if I would've survive this then I could've gone to merge and jury. I would've been okay with just...making it to that point. I'm really upset now though and idk what to do. I'm sure it'll be fine. I just wanted a lot of things very badly and idk anymore kdfsjhdsfkjfhdskj

I'm a little upset with Kait for not ever messaging me at all like....even now? Nothing? Idk. I don't know if I'll feel upset at these people for a long time or what. I think I just need to take some time away.

Thank you hosts for a great game and a great twist. A lot of things didn't go my way and I really really really really wish they would have :( 

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 10: “Did I really win or is it an alternative win?” - Logan [ PART I ]

matt exposing the dynamics of the game to me is my kink

most of it i already know but i just play dumb

also, apparently people know me and mj are close? so... yikes. i need new allies

I honestly don't know what the hell happened today other than it really sucks to go to two tribals, but I'm laughing because:

[2017-01-25 11:35:37 PM] Owen (Myanmar Host): apparnelty gage told the vl upon arrival that the alliance of u me and logan is "taking over the game" :~) oh we did that huh

And I really almost voted Owen out tonight. If this is a real thing....

ALRIGHT serious update time. Chronologically since the reward:

(-) Both my tribes won. Hell yeah. And thank god Steffen is only around on one tribe, because PHEW. (-) Neither adventure led to anything good, and one actually led to a disadvantage which I immediately shared with my tribes. I'm curious as to how I could be disadvantaged on a list comp. (-) The good news is that between MJ and myself, we've officially concluded that Mars is tapped out. There's nothing left there unless taking a different pair of sunglasses at the start gives something different, and I'm not convinced. (-) Carson and I collaborated as well, as did Steffen and I. Both went to Mercury and guessed at SPF numbers. This is going to be so much random guesswork and process of elimination. I'll be impressed if it's gone any time soon. (-) Like an IDIOT, I totally spaced on telling Kait and she wasted her adventure going to Mars. Dammit. I need to get better at looping her in on things. (-) I called with Lydia yesterday just to soothe her nerves before the vote. We talked politics and board games and it was a super chill and mellow call. One thing we didn't especially discuss is game, and I think it did both of us some good. Turned out her fears were totally unfounded too, which is great. (-) RIP Gage? It's a shame because I like the dude quite a bit, but it's not like we spoke very much. (-) Everyone going to tribal again two rounds after the first is too stressful. Eep. (-) As soon as that came out, Matt came to me saying he knows I'm his target. Which... is a weird way to play that. Why tackle me in an immediately aggressive tone rather than try and continue construction on the half-built bridge? (-) Anyway, he goes on to tell me that this game is all about cliques and it's not meant to be 'Friendvivor.' Super clever. I'm not sure it's about cliques so much as it is about who works well with each other. If it were that simple, Lydia and Kait probably would have taken a million shots at each other by now. (-) But... he made a point about Jakey being the obvious target and about how it wouldn't be in my best interests to get Matt out. He makes a lot of sense. Matt's not gunning for me. It makes more sense for MJ to keep Jake than it does for me, and that's why MJ is the one pushing the Matt idea. Hm. (-) I'm worried for Ruthie on Andaman. She seems like the obvious round-delayed revolving-door boot. I don't like it, but I mean... who else am I going to vote? Not Steffen. As wishy washy as he is, he doesn't seem inclined to vote me out any time soon. And he's super pleasant to talk with when he's not hemming and hawing. Not Lydia or Jack for obvious reasons. Not Kait because duh. Not Carson because he's proven to be an even better ally than I'd anticipated. Ruthie fits into the Steffen category quite a bit, but she also wanted to keep Jake last round. And I know she's against Wes and MJ and Kait, three people who are in my corner. (-) Ugh. I don't like booting Ruthie again. She's the kind of person I'd love to see win if I couldn't. But strategically, our games have been at odds since the Wes vote. I'm trying to find a reason why it makes sense for me to keep her, and the only reasons that come up are applicable to everyone else on the tribe. Friendly. Fun to have around. Not likely targeting me any time soon (?). So I'm not gonna be the one to throw out the name. I need to bide my time and wait until it's beneficial for me to say a name again. Right now, I'm best served to keep my hopes up high, head down low. (-) God, imagine ANOTHER "lol we wouldn't send every tribe to tribal Ryan's not that evil! BUYBACK COMP!" bit. I'd die. (-) Super bummed to read about the VL leaks this morning. Who really wins from affecting the integrity of the game like that? There's plenty of information to process within the game without making the conscious decision to go outside it to gather more.

tl;dr: I like people, I'm dumb for not sharing adventure clues with my close ally, calling with Lydia is fun, targets are Jakey on Thotse and Ruthie on Andaman. Time to go to work.

Oh, and this list comp has always and will always suck mega donkey balls.

I said Thotse. I meant Kabru. Old habits die hard. #megara tribe is still best tribe

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I AM KAIT ON HER OTHER TRIBE HAVING SO MANY FINAL 2 DEALS THAT SHE COULDN'T SUBMIT A LIST! I HOPE THEY SEND HER PACKING, I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T RANK HER LAST HOW STUPID AM I? 

Kait I love you, I really do but I am going to be so salty if I get out before you. <3

Pat is my favorite thing about this game. 

as nice as it is to float, my name is bound to come up, and it has, from what pat tells me.

most likely, its ruthie going home on andaman, but i REALLY dont want that because she doesnt deserve it and i already feel bad for voting her.

also me and ruthie are just raging about how cliquey this season is

i feel like im about to Get Got™

I'm trying to make Andaman feel paranoid by telling them all to vote for me.  HOPEFULLY this will work and they will think I have an idol and my life will be spared.  This is either really genius or really stupid but I can't wait to see it all play out!  

Pat is legit my favorite person on Andaman though and I'm more than likely going to be voting him out so... we'll see. I'll probably be down to one life but I love little miracles <3

I really want to trust Jimmy/Jenn for this next vote but I'm awful nervous. I'm kinda half tempted to pull out the idol just to direct votes off me in case Owen has an idol. Apparently Jenn spoke with him to tell him he's leaving in game B which sucks because now if he has an idol he'd most likely play it in game A, which would send me home if he votes me, unless he'd like to revenge boot Jenn. I'm scared yet again that my time has come. I don't think Jimmy would lie to me though, but maybe I should push to shift the votes towards Logan should an idol appear...

also it looks like Matt will be "leaving" but I think he has sourced an idol which is great! Rooting for him all the way. 

[1/27/17, 8:54:15 PM] Ruthie: Who should I vote for on Andaman, why is no one suggesting names? D: [1/27/17, 8:55:24 PM] carson (tibet host): Idk people probably think you have an idol when you say to vote you so theyre scared sdjlsjkd [1/27/17, 8:58:06 PM] Ruthie: LOL I wish I had an idol. [1/27/17, 8:58:26 PM] Ruthie: Everyone is still voting for me right?

ESSSSSSSS.  The fact that this may work? Yes. <3 

i have a REALLY bad feeling about this tribal, and honestly, im just hoping i stay in both games.

if matt votes me like ruthie is saying and then plays an idol, im fucked. SO! i might throw a vote somewhere, who knows.

Hmm.

[survivor-all-stars-blog]

EP 8: “I’m Tired and feeling reckless” - Jenn [ PART I ]

So for some reason I thought that this game to return would have incredibly high scores until I found out that in the 600s seems to be the norm which is a little annoying considering I was just hitting 600 with half my time left before I fucked up. I hope Ruthie wins her way back into the game because she's the biggest angel this game has. I think Jessy fucked up too and I'm devastated b/c she's become one of my best friends in the game. It was strange finding out we've actually played games together before but didn't realize it until 2 weeks into the game and we just got on like a house on fire so I'll be really and truly sad to see her go because she's a bundle of joy. The voting at this mass tribal was honestly awful. Everyone in my expendables alliance lost a life, Ruthie lost both hers and Ricardo lost his last one. Literally anyone I was/would have allied with in the future. It's sad because I see exactly the direction where the game is going, those who had strong pre-existing bonds with lucky tribe swaps have managed to keep squeaking by because the people they've pulled in are too afraid to do anything against it. 

Owen clearly has caccooned himself into a currently unbreakable alliance with layers of protection. Pat seemed to recognize this which was good. I'm just really pissed at the current hierarchies of dictatorship that are running the game. It's boring, switch it up huns. 

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

I AM BACK BITCHES! AND I'M BACK WITH FURY AND I CAN'T WAIT TO GET KAIT, MJ AND CARSON OUT.  THEN WES  BECAUSE HE WAS OBVIOUSLY IN ON IT FOR THAT COMMENT HE MADE BEFORE MY TRIBAL. 

I'M GOING TO BE SWEET AND TRUSTING TO EVERYONES FACE, THEN I AM GOING TO FUCK THEM ALL UP, I CANNOT WAIT TO CAUSE SOME CHAOS.  <3

RUTHIE DID THAT

@hosts do yall want me out THIS BAD??!! I can't deal with this swap im crying and hysterically laughing at the same time! Literally as fucked as fuck can be! At least queen Ruthie won her way back into the game. Honestly all my friends died that last round so I can't wait to go on premerge holiday with them cuz it'll be LIT! 

I love Jenna

Kait and I just got in a fight and I've never wanted to quit this game more in my life.

Okay, who's ready to read a novel? 

The last immunity challenge was some more than complicated balls and holes interaction. Going into in, I was of the mindset that anyone other than Jessy had to win, because I didn't know what I would do if she did. I heard rumors about Wes stepping down in this game because he didn't want to vote for anyone on Thotse, and I've never felt so connected to an otherwise literal stranger before. I was also told that Abbey was sitting out because of...dog situations, which is different. It's honestly #puppygate2k17 at this point. Anyways, god bless Kait for winning because it could've been worse than it already was. When results came out, seeing Owen win on Kabru kind of sucked because I had been leaning to striking against him since he threw me under the bus to Ricardo. Which left me at a stalemate on both of my tribes because no matter what happened, I was voting out an ally. 

On Kabru, Owen and Logan seemed open to anything. I told Gage that I was on strict orders from Kait to work with him and make sure he was safe. He seemed to take this as good news, and I think our relationship has grown from that point but I can't tell if he's just being fake to my face. I love karma. In Game A, I had to deal with Jake trying to save Jessy. Right after results are posted, he calls me. It's all fine and dandy but c'mon, let's just address the elephant in the room - he's calling to try and convince me to keep Jessy around. In short, because Kait is immune, I'm supposed to vote Jimmy and we're all supposed to be one big happy family. I told him I'd think about it, and I truly did. I am incapable of voting against close friends in games, and right now, this means Jimmy and Kait. I was thinking that maybe I should step down, save my conscience from the pain, but the more I thought about, the more it made sense from a strategy perspective. If I let Jessy stay over me in Game A, I keep more allies for myself since I would be safe in Game B. That way, if I make a merge, I have the optimal amount of people on my side. 

Friday comes, and I'm away all day. Out of nowhere, I get a message from Kait saying that Carson told MJ that Jessy had an idol. Kait is at work, so MJ calls me and relays all this info. I'm thinking I should go straight to the source about this, and call Jake and Jessy to confront them. Kait is worried about Carson feeling like we threw him under the bus, so I let it be. I talked to Jake and Jessy, and told them if she wanted to stay, she needed to vote for me. Jake says I can't do that, and he can't call but he'll explain to me shortly. When I told him to get Jessy to vote for me though, it sends him into a tailspin and he suddenly forgets everything he was supposed to tell me. I called him out on it, and he said that he "misinterpreted a conversation" with Owen earlier in the day, but he was wrong. This came after he said it was crucial and top secret info, so it was already shady. He explained that I couldn't leave in Game A, because Steven, Gage and Owen were going to blindside me in Game B. Oh honey, not on my watch. At this point, everything is a shit show, I'm baiting Jessy into voting for me, she's telling Kait and I conflicting things, Jimmy is trying to calm me down and I'm getting paranoid about Game B. So I get pissed at Owen, and contemplate flipping to save Steven with Logan and take out Gage. I don't want to leave though, so I confront both Steven and Gage about the plan to take me out. Gage says it's news to him and Steven sends me receipts that he hasn't talked to Owen since the immunity results are posted. Okay, so I'm safe for B. I go back to Jake and ask him one more time to be honest about if Jessy can save herself. He says yes. I freak out at Jimmy and Kait because I think they need to vote for me. Tribal comes, and Jessy posts a picture in the tribe chat about having an idol. I'm about to need new pants before Ryan says that the idol is fake. Now I'm just hurt (cue crying time #2 in this game) because if Jake really wanted to be my ally, you'd think honesty would be the policy. 

After tribal council, it's announced that someone in each game will get to return. Now I love to gamble, but I suck at it. I'm thinking that easily, Jessy and Jack will return in A and B respectively. Seeing Ruthie absolutely demolish everyone today, I mean it wasn't the worst thing to happen for me, but not the best either. She and I don't talk, but I didn't have a hand in her leaving. It also means Jessy is gone for good, and although we cleared the air today, I'm still pissed that they used me when they knew how guilty I'd feel. Anyone who uses emotional manipulation freely like that...that's a little fucked up. When those people were added back to the chat last night, and Jessy said "Malaysia better watch out", I don't know if she was kidding or not, but where does she get off saying that when I literally would've left for her? 

Kait said she talked to Jack, and although we don't all talk, he insists that the Malaysia crew is a family. Kait is trying to develop a showmance with Pat, so he can be the new Ben. I don't know what to think about that, and I feel like I should warn him but then, I don't know how their relationship actually is and I'm not about to get in the middle. We swap again tonight, and I'm happy because I'm with Jimmy on both tribes, but worried that Malaysia could be a target in Game B. Not too mention, I'm stuck with Owen on both tribes again too which makes me suspect. I'm increasingly aware of how little he tells me. I called with Jake to make sure we were on the same page after last night, and he pins the entire plan on Jessy and tells me that Malaysia is a sinking ship with Kait at the center of it so he can't be allies with her for much longer. I relayed this information back to her, but it started something bigger that I wasn't ready for. Apparently I'm the better player, have more connections, are more social, blah blah blah and yet she's bearing all the blame for the Malaysia alliance. I felt like it got low-key passive aggressive and cue crying time #3 in this game. After almost a week of planning to make a move against Owen at some point, she wants to go and tell him that they are the two kingpins in the game and need to work together. 

I feel like I'm in the middle of everything and I can't make any decision without being criticized. Like Jake, telling me I was giving away my game to Jimmy, and that I should just vote him out because it's "not that deep". You're right, it's not that deep, it's fucking bottomless. Let me educate you all really quickly here: Jimmy is the best one of all of us here and the list about why I'm not about to vote him out would keep you reading this confessional for days. Kait telling me that she thinks Logan might have the idol, and now I have to decide whether to walk by her side or take a shot with Logan and give them a heads up. I'm tired and feeling reckless, so who knows what'll happen?

Righto, when life gets busy confessionals get chucked to the wayside but now I have 0 things on my plate and can go ham!

Let's go way back to my first tribal. Malaysia coming to have a party all being on a tribe together and a party we had. JC was an easy choice for me at least, was around very little and talked absolute nothingness with me. They came to me 8 minutes before the vote was revealed -_- 

Next was the rice challenge.... Of the 24 hours we had to do that challenge, I had to work 10, and sleep a decent amount so that left me with the 3rd lowest score. I spent every free minute I had doing it but still was shit house compared to others. Lucky for my tribe's woeful performance Jakey used the old switcheroo and we got to avoid a tribal. Good news for me, but still feel pretty shit for the people that monstered that challenge for nought. 

And then when those tribals were all said and done, these shudder-trucking hosts throw us a octuple tribal. Yeah cheers for that you bloody clowns! (Lydia asked for a shout-out conveniently at this time, guess she's a clown). Well I though Game A aka Maslaysia was going to be the simple one, and Game B be a little all over the shop, but little did I know. Game B was sorted in two minutes with a quick convo with Matty and Abbey and Ricardo was Ricardone. Game A on the other hand was wild. Mega-props to Jessy for being savage and causing absolute mayhem among the ranks. We had all 3 of us trying to save one other, Jenn self-voting, Kait voting me and me just chucking a John Kranski at the cameras as the forest burnt down around me. Jessy was hammering these guys with "I have an idol" business and some (won't mention names [JENN]) bought it hook, line and sinker! and entered super crazy cat lady panic mode. Thankfully with 20 minutes to go, common sense prevailed and we decided that if Jessy does all of a sudden miraculously have an idol, there would be no point us chucking votes willy-nilly at each other in order to protect one another in case she doesn't and it forces a tie. From that little anarchy I've got indents in my head from my fingers as I did the "what the muzzlewomp is happening?!" half facepalm/half thinking pose. 

This game is still a hoot of a time. Other tribals showed some rowdiness - i.e. the tie between Jack and Wes :O, Ruthie getting doubly wrecked :(, and poor old Steven getting done :/. 

honestly i'm crying 

the ONE TRIBE i did NOT want to go to TRIBAL COUNCIL goes. Like we needed to win because now what???

Jenn/Jimmy/Kait  aren't going to vote against each other. Lydia and I really N E E D Abbey. And Gage is probably up Kait's  A$$ so like fdsjkhsdf what the fuck is gonna happen like???

I don't want Lydia to have to use her idol and idek what good it would do anyways unless somehow like the same person left at both tribals or something but idk I'm just freaking screaming.

Lydia talked to Kait and Kait keeps telling Lydia she wants to work with her but then Kait also says that to me and??? I don't know. I don't know how to feel about Kait because she makes it seem like we're super close and maybe that wouldn't be that bad of a thing to be super close with Kait but it's so so so obvious she has other people in this game and she hasn't done a single thing to try to get me in with those people. I guess she has some group with MJ/Pat and herself, I'm positive she has one with Jenn and MJ probably, like.... She's gotta have all these groups and I'm not in a single one. So everything in me is like..... Telling me not to trust her because I know she won't give me the same trust? And she didn't tell me about ANY of the shit Jake was doing last round, Logan did.

Which leads me to like.... God.

In an attempt to save Jessy I guess, Jake told Jenn/Kait that I was teaming with Steven and Gage to try to get Jenn out??? And AFTER the vote, Logan came and told me this. So Jenn and Jake didn't talk to me about it... Logan did.

So I went to Jake and pretended like I didn't know he was the one who made up the rumor I was like "omg someone was saying shit about me!!!!!!" and he ended up confessing to it he was like 'They thought you and I were a super secret alliance so I made that up' like... Okay, Jake, way to not tell me :) It's clear he wasn't doing it for anything but his and Jessy's own interest. 

So I go to Jenn and I bring it up and say that it was all a lie and that Jake had told me he made it up and.... She says it's okay and that she wants to keep working together in our group with Logan. BUT THEN SHE WENT AND TOLD JAKE WHAT I SAID ABOUT HIM!!!!?????

How fucking messy can these people be??? Like, Logan said I was messy look at these people??

It's just a whole freaking cluster of lies and truths and NONSENSE and I don't like it. I obviously can't trust Jenn. I seriously doubt I can trust Jake. I don't think I can trust Kait, and I really don't know how to feel about Gage. Lydia is the only one who is honest with me, I guess, and if I found out after this season that she's been lying to me too i'm gonna SC  R E AMMMMMMMMMM :)

I don't know what to do for tribal. Maybe I'll get something in the adventure.

WELP! only going to tribal in 1 game

mjs talked to me about some pretty interesting points, and honestly, i need to kick my social game up because otherwise i have no chance of making the merge.

ruthie joined both of the tribes i'm on which is interesting, but who knows why she did that.

ruthies smarter than she lets on, i know that, and she's such a big threat that it'd be dumb to let her make it too far in this game.

i feel like im DECENT with the amount of allies i have, but who knows. all i want is merge, and hopefully its sometime soon.

Carson, I see you all up in my PM's now sweetheart.  Like I literally told you ALL my game.  I told you about my alliance with Kait and MJ right before tribal and just UGH.  I'm so glad I'm immune!  

Best case scenario for my personal game would be Kait leaving and I'm going to try my HARDEST to get that to happen! She has way too many friends up in this game and she is connected to everyone.  I'm being careful from here on out what I tell to any of them and as much as I love Steffen I'm putting my own game first from now on, I'm still in this thing and I don't plan on being voted out again for a long, long time. 

I got swap fucked lmao. I finally get onto a tribe with Lydia, but most of the tribe are already friends. Amazing content 

So... I may possibly soon be in an alliance with Jakey and Jack?  YES PLEASE. I'm just glad I might have the numbers for something soon. 

WHAT THE HELL IS MJ DOING UP IN MY PM'S THIS TIME.  Let's see, probably trying to make sure I don't vote out his dynamic duo Kait. 

Okay he apologized for voting me and told me he felt closer to Carson and I really do appreciate his honesty.  I wish I hated MJ but I just can't UGH. MJ WHY ARE YOU SO LIKEABLE?

I'm so chuffed that we won immunity and that I won my battle and finally got to go on "reward". So I found myself a nice disadvantage to take back to my tribe which will only build my shitty target I have on myself. I'm still hoping that people will start to make big moves before the merge to take out a potential threat to their individual game. It would make sense to do that but they haven't so far and the run of the mill stuff is a little boring. I keep trying to throw out messages for conversations but no one really seems up for talking so maybe I'm a bit abrasive? Who knows. I guess since I'm becoming more confident as an individual player from my last game that that could be the case. Even Lydia thought I was having a go at her when I just wished her good luck at tribal? Or that's the way it came across. Annoying since I thought I was given Steffen pointers to pull her into the old Hudson 3 in that tribe to make a block of 4 which would guarantee them a tie. I'm hoping Steffen survives b/c he's honestly the only true ally I have left, who talks with ease. Of course I've other connections with Matt, but we're all surviving on one life so I'd be surprised if any of us made the merge. 

[4:23:03 AM] kait ~~/: if abbey leaves this vote [4:23:05 AM] kait ~~/: i'm [4:23:12 AM] kait ~~/: gonna have to vote jimmy after [4:23:16 AM] kait ~~/: dont leak

WHAT THE SWEET HELL IS THIS? If Abbey leaves, okay fine even though I wanted Owen to leave, but if this is some sort of deal with Lydia... DARKSIDED!

Another day, another tiebreaker loss. But at least it's not both. I've been spending a lot of time on calls lately. Probably more than I've ever done in a TS game. I guess that's the way people do things now to avoid receipts? I haven't REALLY played since HvV2, and nearly everything was done in writing. So it's weird. Most of my call time has been with Kait. She's a badass. Despite her assertions to the contrary, she's a killer gameplayer.  Maybe a bit on the abrasive side, but that's not a bad thing when shit needs to get done. And once the game talk is out of the way it leaves us free to just talk. The best alliances are formed with people you're super comfortable talking with, and she definitely fits that bill. We firmed up a F2 last night and I feel so good about it. The next-most call time has been with Lydia, and I feel the same about her. Both her and Kait have a tendency to get a lot of hate for their voting habits and styles, but a big part of me does wonder how much of it is truly deserved. I know Kait's a bit on the aggressive side, but I've never played long enough with Lydia to see why her votes always leave a trail of hurt feelings. She suggested yesterday it might be because people think they can control her, she does her own thing and they get upset over it. I could see that, honestly. Right now, Lydia and Kait are working together out of necessity. Both are trying to rebuild the friendship that took a serious hit in Animal Crossing (if I believe them. I'm not naive enough to think I'm the only one obscuring relationships.) I'm happy to ride along with that. Jack's probably next on my list. We haven't been talking quite as much since the swap, but I still feel good with him. We called with Lydia yesterday and talked out the vote... frankly, if he were to turn, now would be a great time to do it. I couldn't even be too mad. But I don't think he will. I just don't get that vibe from him right now. Next up is gonna be MJ and Logan. These two are in a dead heat and that's because I enjoy them both so much. Logan has been super communicative all game, and I really appreciate that of them and their game. I know we've had some... rocky moments in the past, but I've always liked the times where Logan and I can work as a unit. They have a great mind for the game and don't mind putting their thoughts out there. My reservation with going all-in with Logan: I know their style. They're so predisposed to slide along undetected until the end behind bigger targets and nobody targets them because, well shucks, they're just so likeable. And that's when they strike. MJ has also been really communicative. I mentioned at the outset of the season that I was unsure about working with him, but he's done a lot to soothe that thinking. I get great vibes from him, he talks to me, he seems to be including me in his plans, and we called yesterday just so he could share intel, even though we aren't hitting tribal together. All great things. My reservation with going all-in with MJ: I've seen firsthand how effortlessly he can deceive. And while that's no different that Kait or Lydia or Jack or.... most of this cast, really, there's just that ingrained 'ugh' factor from Olympics. I'm trying really hard not to let it impact this game, but... I know it's affecting my outlook on him. I don't like that. Wes is a tough one to place. Instinctively, I'd want to put him ahead of Logan/MJ. But our communication has really crawled to a standstill since his Hudson death. I still do trust him, and I know what an insanely valuable and loyal ally he can be. But I also know there's a very clear understanding by most people that Wes and I are together. And that's fine... better to have a strong known ally than a weak unknown one. I'm just wary about potentially being targeted for it... but I'm also aware that there are bigger, more visible duos and alliances out there. Jenn, I've got very mixed feelings on. I love her to death. She's absolutely fantastic, and really engaging to talk with. But it lowkey kinda bothered me how she seemed to be okay with laying her game down last round? I know, Jimmy's a good friend. I can't blame her for wanting to protect him. But I really don't know if she'd do the same for me. I suspect not. And that would be one of those stronger duos I was talking about. I really wouldn't want to be the one to cut Jimmy, though. If Jenn gets free of that relationship in here, it'll be akin to trying to steal a bear cub from its mother. Which is not to say that Jimmy's a cub – he's a very bright and entertaining dude himself – but, at the risk of being set in my ways, I still think Jenn is the more dangerous player. Steffen.... agh. I'm still super sketched out. I'm trying, my dudes. But he's been giving me the same runaround on this vote that he did with the Wes boot. Which... would be fine, I guess, if I was hearing he was doing the same elsewhere. But Lydia said he's looking to take out Carson, and it kind of bothers me that Steffen wouldn't trust me enough to throw the name out? For all the talk about trust and having each others' backs, actions speak louder. And his actions and words just aren't jiving right now. Christ. Jiving. Have I ever sounded like more of an old man? There's a big drop-off on the trust radar after Jenn, anyway. Beyond Steffen, I also get conflicting feelings about Matt (who's been MIA for much of the pre-merge and has only really re-opened communication lines recently, plus he shot himself in the foot with his Eastin-like rant in the OW chat,) Ruthie (who I absolutely adore but who I know I won't be able to keep around next time Andaman hits tribal at this rate,) Owen (who can leave now thanks. Not about to see him sneak his way to the finals like he usually does in side games or the BB community,) Jake (DUDE, if you really are a free agent, TALK WITH ME. WE CAN DO STUFF. It's hard when our conversations feel like I'm just playing tennis against a brick wall.) I'm breaking this off into a separate paragraph because that last one is getting hard to read. Anyway I think Carson is working with me more out of necessity than a strong desire to do so, and if I'm right then the feeling is definitely reciprocal. Abbey... well, our paths haven't crossed since OG Andaman. Hard to tell where she's been or is going, but I'd be surprised if I were in her plans come merge. Steven is too close with Steffen and Ruthie for me to be able to put 100% faith in him, even though we had some pretty rad chats on Hudson and before. And Gage and I have never been together in here. I do worry about him being in the same vein as Logan and Owen, though – being able to slide to the end under the radar. Oh wait up. I just wrote all this out then remembered there's a chance someone does an Edgic for this season. Dammit. I need to start shading more people. Um MJ EATS BABIES. JIMMY IS THE KIND OF PERSON WHO SLOWLY DRAGS A CHAIR ALONG THE GROUND BEFORE SITTING IN IT, MAKING THAT AWFUL FUCKING GRINDING NOISE EVERYONE HATES. OWEN IS HUMAN FRO-YO. IF PAT WERE AN ICE CREAM FLAVOUR HE'D BE PRALINES AND DICK. I think I went too far with that last one.

i just went on call with kait but im PRETTY sure she was lying to me? like it didnt sound rlly truthful? but idk i might as well trust in her bc mj trusts her but that malaysia shit IS strong, and i wanna keep jake with me, so i dont wanna vote him. i might need to try and steer the vote somewhere else? so that both the people i trust are safe (also if kait acc did throw me under the bus ill be pissed)

Im going home today!!!!!! Lydia tried her damndest which is really cute i love her so much. But yeah theres nothing I could do. The other people on denali just know each other too well and I'm just the odd man out which is fine! Im not mad at anyone at all I still think taking games personally is dumb. Im gonna be petty tho bc theres no hope for me ad I've never gotten the chance to be petty in a game before!!!!!  Anyway I enjoyed my time in the game, I wish I could have played more with Lydia but oh well, shit happens. I hope she wins how cute would that be. We would be a true power couple then

not important

i have this sinking feeling that im gonna be blindsided? idk ahhh im paranoid

55 mins to go!

If Kait doesn't go home tonight I am SO screwed. I think that just MAYBE we might be able to pull this off if I can get Carson on my side again!   Also, I'm in an alliance with Jakey and Jack and I am ABSOLUTELY LOVING IT!  I couldn't ask for a more perfect alliance and it's time to take on EVERYONE together... but first Jakey cannot go.