#and mckenzie saying 'you jump I jump jack'

[leupagus]

Guys I Might Have Three Nickels

I've been watching "Agatha Christie's Marple" for the past few days and it's pretty good! Marple adaptations all tend to have a better caliber of actors than a lot of bog-standard mystery shows (looking at you, "Madame Blanc"), and while Joan Hickson's Marple is right up there with David Suchet's Poirot and Jeremy Brett's Holmes as "literally can never be beaten, these are the best anyone's done it," both Geraldine McEwan and Julia McKenzie do a fantastic job as Miss Marple.

Then I got to "The Secret of Chimneys," Season 5 episode 2

and guys

Guys

So there's a murder of a viscount, like there is, and this detective Finch rolls up and immediately spots Miss Marple (in her NIGHTIE! standing at the window like some kind of hussy, honestly Jane) and doffs his cap to her with that little smile that makes you go, "huh."

At this point I've watched a couple dozen Miss Marple episodes where she goes through detectives like wildfire and this guy's supposed to be a "*guru*" so I'm expecting some battle of the egos or something and like, Stephen Dillane is great! But bleh, I might have to skip this one.

Then my dude asks Miss Marple to SHOW HIM THE BODY, with a pleased little smile at her as she goes "uhhhhhhhh but my knitting?" (He even does that thing where you use someone's honorific and wait for them to give you their name, and that's when I was like "ohhh this bitch knows exactly who she is.") What follows is what I can only describe as a meet-cute in the secret passageway where the viscount was shot (and in fact the body is STILL THERE) and where Miss Marple literally asks the police equivalent of "is there a Mrs Finch" and he looks at her like this:

At which point I'm like "ohhh my dude not only knows who she is, he deliberately came here without a sergeant so he could draft her," and sure enough he just starts...handing her pieces of evidence like "hey babe can you decipher this note for me thanks love you" while Miss Marple is like, "this approval and camaraderie coming from a cop... not sure if want."

Next is a series of romantic strolls through the gardens while they discuss murder, during which Finch reveals his undying love I mean his research into Miss Marple and the "dozen case files" of her previous exploits that he's collected like some deranged fanboy. Miss Marple responds to this by BLUSHING LIKE A SCHOOLGIRL and stammering about how pish tosh it's nothing really, and I couldn't find a gif of it but he's staring at her like this:

Yeah I bet u r tempted

He also makes a half-hearted attempt at negging her "amateur sleuth" status, only to then immediately assure her that he makes like, so much money being a big fancy detective and can keep her in all the yarn and garden seed she could ever desire.

There's also a late-night tryst at the compost pile right after Finch has been (mildly) poisoned and Miss Marple is like "men are so weak" as she roots through the garbage for clues.

Not how he wanted their first date to go D:

The next morning there's another murder which: bummer, but also allows the two of them to read love letters together and for Finch to give Miss Marple the following look as she explains how secret assignations among lovers can "quicken the ardor":

Miss Marple then goes onto solve the murders and btw hands over the priceless diamond that's been literally missing for two literal decades that she found in her spare time. The entire scene features Finch looking at her like this:

After the dust settles, Finch and Miss Marple have a lovely moment where he calls himself "another one of your casualties," then super casually mentions that he's probably going to have to go on assignment to use the diamond in a daring international espionage case and I can't decide if he's asking Miss Marple to go with him or simply trying to show her that he is cool and smart and would make an excellent wife, but either way the episode ends with her turning him down and Jane, we need to talk about your priorities.

Anyway I've already written 2K about the subsequent 10-year epistolary romance these two have following this episode because I make poor choices.

[poledancingdinos]

You’ve Got Me Hooked - Chapter 1

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC (Riley McKenzie)

Word count: 2.3k

Warnings: Sex work, Stripper, OnlyFans

Catch up: Series Masterlist

Taglist: @peaches1958​ @identity2212 @utterlyhopeful-fics @marantha @kebabgirl67 @littleone65 @omgkatinka @luclittlepond​ @amberangel112​

A/N: I finally found a title for the fic! If you want to be added or removed from my taglist, let me know!

Divider by @firefly-graphics

Masterlist

Sy

"Holyshiet,” I blurt out, catching my friend’s attention, “that's fucking cheap. How is that room not taken?" I turn my phone screen towards Jared so he can look at it from across the table.

Jared only shrugs, turning his focus back to the laptop in front of him. "Maybe the guy rentin’ it out is a freak. Or maybe he just didn't bother takin’ the ad down. What’s it say? Posted over 30 days ago?"

I read the ad again, scrolling through the pictures. "The place is nice but the ad doesn't say anythin’ about this Riley guy so ya might just be right ‘bout him bein’ a freak."

At this point, what do I care? I’ve been looking for a place to stay for the last three weeks and so far I’ve found jack shit. Not a single one bedroom is available anywhere in this town or in the two neighboring ones which means I had to start looking at rooms for rent. There were a couple of other places in my price range but all of them involved sharing with a couple of college kids. I’m a thirty-five year old retired army captain. It’s bad enough that I gotta bunk with a roommate again, I put my foot down at sharing with party-loving frat boys who just want me around to buy them cheap beer.

Yeah, this guy might be a freak but the place is about a hundred dollars less per month than I was expecting to pay and there would only be the one roommate. It beats sleeping on Jared’s couch and constantly being a third-wheel to a married couple. I feel like I’m one of those man-child characters on a TV show where the married people set up an apartment over the garage because the husband’s best friend can’t live on his own or hold down a job for shit.

"Only one way to find out," I begrudgingly say, copying the phone number into a blank text and typing up a message.

"Riley?" I ask as I approach him. 

I step down from my truck to find an older man standing near the back entrance of the building. He holds a cigarette to his lips, taking a long drag before pulling it away and stamping it out on the brick wall. 

The man shakes his head, extending his hand for me to shake.

"I'm Clayton, the landlord. I'll be showin’ ya the apartment."

"I thought I'd be meetin’ Riley today.” That pisses me off. Either the guy isn’t reliable enough to hold his appointment with me or he just didn’t give a shit and blew me off.

Clayton unclips a packed keyring from the buckle of his jeans and unlocks the door to the building.

"Riley is out of town for the week. It was a last minute thing."

I follow as we climb to the fourth floor landing. Oh the guys are gonna love dragging my mattress up these steps. If I end up moving in here, I’m going to owe them more than pizza and beer that’s for damn sure.

"How long has this room been available?"

"Oh, 'bout, three months or so."

My eyebrows fly up before pulling together in a frown. I had guessed it had been a while but three whole months?

"This is a steal for the market right now, how has no one jumped on this place?"

We reach the top floor and Clayton moves to the door on the far left. He flips through his keys until he finds the one engraved with the number 401.

"The girl who rents it gets the final say in the matter.” He turns the knob and pushes the door open. “She filters the people who text her then we do the visits together 'cause it lets me get a feel for who might be livin' in my property. If I approve, she does an actual interview."

Did I just hear that right? "Wait, the person livin’ here is a woman?"

"Yes. Is that a problem?"

Is it a problem?  It’s not what I expected but I’m desperate. Would living with a woman really be worse than with a guy? Maybe if I planned on taking girls home every night but after how shit went down with Lisa, that won’t be happening any time soon. Hell, none of the girls in this town will even look me in the eye anymore. They’re all too afraid to invoke Lisa’s wrath.

Who am I kidding, of course it’ll be a problem.

"No, Sir. It's not what I expected but I'm not against it."

I step through the threshold, taking a few steps before stopping behind the worn gray couch in the living room. One of the reasons I assumed that a man was living in the apartment was the fact that it was completely devoid of any personal touches or decorations. There is a large flat screen television and coffee table but an empty space where a dining room table and chairs should be. Instead there is a pair of barstools at the kitchen island. 

"The last three men I met were all outta here before I’d even had time to finish a cigarette after leavin' them alone for their interview so I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you."

Oh great. This girl is sounding more and more frustrating by the minute. If she doesn’t want to room with a guy then why the fuck not put it in the ad?

"And what about the women?"

"There haven't been any who came 'round for a visit.”

Huh. That was an unexpected answer.

“She lived alone for almost two years before decidin’ on gettin’ a roommate. I get the feelin’ she's usin’ this as a substitute for that Timber business."

I almost correct the man but I get the feeling that having a strong knowledge of hookup apps might not be the best way of selling myself to a potential landlord. I follow as Clayton steps further into the apartment, leading me down a hallway with three doors and opening the last on the right. "This right here would be your room, the bathroom in the hall would basically be your private bathroom since the master on the other side has its own. The old owners had a shower and toilet added into the laundry room for their son which is why you’re lucky enough to not have to share."

Clayton's cell phone rings and after checking the caller ID, he excuses himself to answer it out in the hall. I take the opportunity to check the plumbing in the kitchen and the bathroom, flushing the toilet and making sure the hot water works well everywhere. The place appears well looked after and the bedroom is more than big enough for the few belongings I took with me after splitting up with my ex. I threw it all in storage while I crashed on Jer’s couch. I wanted to get out of my old apartment so badly after the breakup that I didn't fight for any of the things we bought together — scratch that, the things I bought at Lisa’s request — only taking what I already owned before moving in. Luckily for me, that included the bedroom set with the king bed. 

By the end of my inspection, I’m convinced that this would be the perfect place for me. It’s close to my work, in the same part of town as most of my friends and far enough away from Lisa that the possibility of running into her on a day to day basis is relatively small. Plus, I saw a nice communal yard in the area between the four apartment buildings in the collection which would be great for letting Aika out to run.

"Sorry 'bout that. There's a heatin’ problem at another one of my properties so we may have to cut this short. If ya don't mind, I've got a few questions for ya before I let ya go then Riley can be in touch herself to reschedule a meetin’."

Maybe this time she’ll actually show up.

"All right, shoot."

"Why don't ya have any references from previous landlords? Ya look to be in your thirties but there ain't one person listed on your application."

"I've been in the army for the last decade. With me bein’ overseas a lotta the time it was easier to either let my ex or my previous roommates take care of that stuff. My name has never officially been on a lease."

The man hums, nodding his head.

"My son was a Marine. He never spent much time at his apartment either."

I notice how Clayton is only using the past tense but I know enough not to bring it up. After a moment of silence Clayton clears his throat.

"Ya said ya got a dog?"

I can’t help but smile when he mentions Aika.

"I do. A German Shepherd."

"We got a lotta little dogs in the buildin'. I don't like their odds ‘gainst a hundred pound Shepherd."

"That won't be a problem, Sir. She's incredibly well trained, the army saw to that."

Now, if any of my potential neighbors are fixing pipe bombs in their apartments, that’s a whole different story, but somehow I think he might just forgive a bite in favor of keeping his building in one piece.

Clayton seems satisfied with my answers. "I got no objection to ya movin' in here but, like I said, Riley will make a decision after she meets with ya. She'll be in touch."

I follow the man out of the building then say a polite goodbye before climbing into my truck and making my way back to Jared's house. I really wanted this place to work out but after what I heard about Riley, I’m far from sure I would meet up to her standards — whatever those might be — and I’m even less convinced that she would meet up to mine but beggars can’t be choosers. 

The corner apartment was nice and bright from the big windows. The high ceilings and open floor plan made it plenty big enough for hosting a football night but the kitchen, living room and dining room being open also means there would be no privacy save for our bedrooms. The place was spotless but that could have simply been due to the fact that she was out of town. Mostly, I wonder what was said between Riley and the three other guys for her to turn them away less than five minutes after sitting down with them.

Riley

This past week in Vegas has left me absolutely exhausted. The blisters on my feet have blisters of their own, I have more bruises than skin and I’m sure that once I go to sleep, I won’t wake for at least a week but I agreed to meet Sy tomorrow and I’ve already blown him off once so my prolonged nap is gonna have to wait. The first thing I have to do when I get home is rinse off the damn glitter that I somehow keep finding everywhere despite my multiple showers since my last performance. Let’s just hope the increase in subscriptions and followers is worth spending the last of the emergency fund I had saved up.

I’ve been looking for a roommate for over three months but so far, I haven’t gotten along with the few girls who showed interest and the men, well… All of those I agreed to meet have recognized me as soon as they’ve seen me. One even thought it was completely sensible to ask for a private show right there on the spot. Thank god none of them said anything in front of Clayton.

The process hasn’t been fun but I really need someone to split the bills with me. After I lost my job, I started waitressing. When that didn’t cut it, I started working at a strip club two towns over. It was good money considering I worked four nights a week but it still wasn’t enough to pay for my living expenses and my stupid student loans. At first I still tried to find something — anything — in the business or marketing field but when I ran out of places to apply to, I gave up and started running an OnlyFans page instead.

I get to the strip club early most nights to film while there are fewer customers around. I even partnered up with a few girls who have popular channels, taking every bit of advice they have to offer and even filming content with them to post once a month. In the brief time I’ve been running my page, I’ve used more of the skills acquired during my marketing degree than I did in the two years at my old job. Maybe if they had given me greater freedom to execute the projects I pitched to them they wouldn’t have had to downsize… or close altogether.

I originally chose a club two towns over to avoid being recognized; only it seems that many of the clients have the same thought. Luckily for me, my landlord is not one of them. He hasn’t questioned my reasons for bringing in a roommate, only asked that he do the same checks he would for any new lease. I normally meet the girls at a coffee shop or something before setting up a visit at my place but with the guys, I prefer the extra safety of having Clay there for the first meeting.

He doesn’t know how badly I need money. He’s been kind enough not to increase my rent since I got here because I always pay early but who knows what he would do if he knew I was barely hanging on and that bringing in a new tenant would make at least three-hundred bucks more per month. So what if I haven’t had a proper meal this week. Ramen noodle packets are a food group right?

Chapter 2

[abrilliantarchive]

HOW TO BE HAPPY: A Brief Guide for Citizens [Part 4 of 4]

( Ahhhh, sorry this is so late ! I’ve been working on making other things for the WHF community and got a bit distracted. But here is the final part of the book ! Hope it’s helpful to you all ! )

    HAPPINESS HELPERS : THE EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE

The Executive Committee is in charge of both public welfare and public happiness. There is almost no end to their good works:

- Ensuring a stable food supply - Redacting newspapers so we don’t inadvertently see unpleasantenss - Funding Joy research - Encouraging Technological Innovations - Establishing new holidays - Training doctors and furthering medical research - Building new playgrounds - Verifying the prize results of Simon Says - and more!

                                     WHO’S IN CHARGE?

 ( Hi so this one is kinda hard to transcribe bc it’s a flowchart, but it was worth putting in just for reference, so I’ll do my best! )

- Chief Constable - Victoria Byng ( Reaction ) - Motilene Ministery  - Harry Haworth ( Haworth Labs ) - Johnny Bolton ( Minister of Intelligence ) - Playground Committee  - Davey Hackney ( Clayton Centre Curator ) - General Byng ( Military Camp ) - Harold Ridgewell ( Medical School Director ) - Ministry of Paperwork ( Position Open )

                   EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE APPOINTS                FATHER McKENZIE TO ORGANIZE FUN

Still can’t figure out how to amuse yourself in Wellington Wells? Never fear! The Executive Committee has appointed Father McKenzie to be the new Village Activities Coordinator.

“He has such a knack for getting people to try things that they wouldn’t otherwise,” says Executive Committee member Victoria Byng. “If you’re feeling glum, Father McKenzie can surely find a way to relieve you of your troubles.”

             WELLINGTON WELLS STATUTORY HOLIDAYS.

Victory Day ——- FIRST TUESDAY OF EVERY MONTH Twelfth Night ——- JANUARY Joy Anniversary ——- FEBRUARY Ides of March ( Marching band parade ) ——- MARCH May Day ( Summerisle Picnic and Weenie Roast ) ——- MAY Midsummer ——- JUNE Apple Holm Medieval Fair ——- [CANCELLED] Samhain ——- OCTOBER Poppy Day ——- NOVEMBER Servant’s Ball (Parade District only) ——- DECEMBER Yule ——- DECEMBER

NOTE: Medieval Day has been cancelled due to repeated injuries from unauthorized jousting. The Lady of the Lake Beauty Pageant will be rescheduled. To make up for the lost holiday, all Wellie workers are now invited to take off their birthday!

                                    HOME IMPROVEMENT.

Decorating one’s home creates a happy environment! There’s no need to live in 19th century dreariness when bright, modern furnishings are cheap and readily available.

How do you get the latest look? Tastemakers at the Design Centre suggest mixing patterns when possible - stripes, polka dots, florals, you name it. That way you always have something fun to look at it. And by the way, colours don’t actually clash - that’s just a myth. So mix and match however you want!

Pair bright, colourful patterns with streamlined furniture and voila - your own pad can be as stylish as any in the Parade!

                                          ENTERTAINING!

We Wellies are quite sociable and always have a warm welcome for impromptu guests. To entertain unexpected visitors, where are a few easy-peasy party ideas.

MAD HATTER’S TEA PARTY.        Simply brew a spot of tea and ask your friends to wear their favorite party hats! If they haven’t brought a hats, lampshades and tea canisters will do in a pinch.

WELLINGTON DAY.        Any day can be Wellington Day! Celebrate our namesake admiral with a navy-themed fete featuring Pin-the-tail-on-Napoleon and jaunty sing-along of ‘H.M.S. Pinafore’!

PARTY GAMES.        Amuse your guests by playing King Across the Water (tug-of-war, or perhaps a game of Sardines - though do be sure you haven’t taken so much Joy that you forget you have guests hiding in the closets!

MASQUERADE BALLS.       Easy to arrange on the spur of the moment, as everybody smart is already wearing a mask! ( If, however, you have dull friends who have not yet adopted this new trend, you can make your own masks. )

                                            TV LISTINGS.

If all else fails to amuse, just tune into The Uncle Jack Show! He’s always on, except when good citizens should be in bed!

8 AM............Wake Up With Jack! ( Jumping Jacks and Calisthenics ) 9 AM............Good News Hour 10 AM............The Daily Business Report, Featuring Bloopers 11 AM............Advice to the Lovelorn, Sponsored by Joy NOON............That Tastes Delicious - What Is It? 1 PM............Famous British Victories 2 PM............Silly Things the French Do 3 PM............”Simon Says” Recap and Prize Ceremony 4 PM............Teatime Mystery Hour 5 PM............Know Your English Pottery! 6 PM............Around The World With Jack ( Charming Foreign Customs ) 7 PM............Henges and Hedgerows: Historic English Landscapes 8 PM............Jack About-Town 9 PM............Good News Evening Edition 10 PM............Go to Bed With Jack! ( Bedtime Stories ) 11 PM............Sign Off

                                   PLAY SIMON SAYS!

Nothing brings more delight than a rousing game of Simon Says! But did you know you can play Simon Says all by yourself? Simply follow the instructions below!

Simon Says: PUT ON YOUR HAPPY MASK!

Simon Says: SPIN AROUND IN A CIRCLE!

Simon Says: PLAY PATTY-CAKE WITH YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR!

Make a frowny face. AHH! I DIDN’T SAY SIMON SAYS!

Simon Says: POP A JOY!

There. Now you feel much better, don’t you? Of course you do!

         THERE! DON’T YOU FEEL HAPPIER ALREADY?                                   OF COURSE YOU DO!

[jflashandclash]

Traitors of Olympus IV: The Fall of the Sun

Twenty-Eight: Calex

If All Your Friends Jump Off a Cliff…

             Calex wanted nothing to do with this. He wanted to be back at home, at his flat in St. Albans. There, he would be sipping a cup of tea, eating some of Winston’s terrible attempts at supper that he made when Tiwa was running late at the hospital, and hearing Gretchen complain about boys and Tom tease her.

           He wished he’d never learned who his biological father was, never read about the adventures of Percy Jackson and the Heroes of Olympus, and never stepped foot in America.

           He didn’t know what he was to do.

           Then again, both Reyna and Axel had directed him to the same task: go to Euna. Just what to do when he got there eluded him.

           Before he could mutter something about how Axel may have bollixed his chances with Reyna, he stumbled away from their fight.

           The two warriors clashed into each other, a scrambling mess of golden armor blackened by dried blood to a dull mustard, like they’d decided to have a good ol’ scrum in a pool of black pudding.

           He didn’t know which one of them to help and doubted he could help regardless. Their movements were so fast, so brutal that he knew he would just get in the way. Besides, especially with his Eros gifts, he knew their fight was a tad personal and not something he’d want to interrupt.

           He walked towards Euna, careful to step around the vines linked back to her. He edged around Thalia’s swearing, shifting, angry cocoon. He didn’t want to know what kind of butterfly he’d emerge if these vines captured him.

           Euna pocketed Persephone’s box and held a hand out towards him.

           The updraft was violent. His scarf fluttered up and smacked him in the face as he approached. The roar was deafening, though he thought he heard a crackled hum alongside it.

           Despite their surroundings, or maybe enhanced by the bleakness of their surroundings, Euna’s loveliness was distracting. She looked older, colder. Her skin glowed faintly. Red, spiky flowers, trumpeted purple ones, and tiny, white bell ones dangled from her hair and clothes, tenderly brushing against her skin. Dark purple berries, and clustered brilliant red ones formed a crown along her head. From what Calex vaguely remembered from the Alnwick Gardens, all of those were toxic. Vines were the only thing keeping her tattered outfit together, and Calex had an uncomfortable moment of wondering whether Euna was puppetting the vines or they were puppetting her.

           “Right, Euna. Hey,” he said lamely, taking her hand, hoping he wouldn’t immediately pass out from the poisons. How his journey would end, unconscious by the pit of Kaos: There and Not Back Again: a Story about a Dumb Prick by Calex Rupin McKenzie.

           Her hand was rough.

           He remembered her distant gaze when he’d given Euna her first kiss and how taken aback she was with their godly audience. (And, how he’d been more than a bit mortified that she’d taken a fancy to a woman right after, though Calex knew it had nothing to do with him and everything to do with Thalia.)

           Before, her dark eyes were always distant, bored. Now, they were focused, radiating hatred.

           He’d been more than a bit worried about her since Santiago killed Joey. But he never knew how to help.

           Now he could.

           “We’re going to jump,” she said.

           Calex swallowed. “I don’t follow.”

           Her gaze shifted over the cliff.

           Calex looked down. “Vertigo” was too weak a word to describe the rushing sensation he felt, the loss of self when confronted with the reality below him. This was like comparing a glance down a faucet to a glance over a cliff off Mount Everest. Except, in this case, Mount Everest was the faucet.

           It was like the world just ended. When Calex thought about what he learned in Camp Half-Blood’s mythology classes, the world did end here, like those silly old illustrations of ships finding the edge of the ocean and tumbling into nothing.

           At first, Calex thought the thing beneath him was black and dark. Upon blinking, slowing his breathing, and tapping into his demigod focus, he knew it was all colors, swirling and colliding so violently and rapidly as to blur and appear a swirling vortex of nothing: a cycle of existence and destruction. A creature that—with each exhale—created and eviscerated with the same attention as Calex paid to blinking.

           The updraft and abrupt suction of air wasn’t any wind. Kaos itself was spawning new particles.

           No wonder Hera had screamed when Zeus hung her over Kaos. Nothing like forcing an immortal to face its own unimportance.

           “We’re going over the edge,” Euna reiterated.

           Calex squeezed her hand. He was glad she had offered hers to him. Had he not been holding her, he was scared he’d slip over the edge, gawking and forgetting, by comparison of the gargantuan thing beneath him, that he even existed or mattered. If he did at all.

           “Did you have to put it to words?” he whispered. Cold sweat broke out on his brow. Calex swallowed again. He forced his eyes away from the eminent evisceration and rebirth, glancing at Euna, who seemed unaffected by the gravity of Kaos. “Wait,” he said, “Euna, before we get ripped to pieces by that… thing beneath us, can you promise me something?”

           Her cold eyes examined him curiously. Unlike the others, it was clear she wasn’t on a time schedule. He guessed a godly killing spree didn’t need a special date or RSVP.

           Calex felt like he was supposed to say this isn’t what Joey would have wanted, but this was EXACTLY what the overdramatic girl would have wanted. Except, maybe, with a musical number with the pit of Kaos as a DJ scratch booth. Not—as Calex finally identified—the hum of a decapitated head dangling off Euna’s belt.

           He shook his head. “Assuming we live through this and all that unlikeness, we’re going topside to save the camp, slog Phobetor in his stupid piggy face, make sure Kally, Merry, and the others are okay, and then we’re going to get some pizza afterwards and have a long chat before you decide to jump off any other cliffs,” he said, “There are other ways to mourn.”

           Euna’s sternness broke at the mention of lunch. Although it had to be his imagination with the roar of Kaos, he could have sworn he heard Euna’s stomach growl. She pulled his hand in, so she could touch her belly. She frowned. “I really should have eaten more before this. And taken a nap. Add napping to the end of that list.”

           If Euna threw fists when members of Cabin Four tried to wake her from training, he’d be terrified for the poor bloke that tried to wake Euna after a plotting-the-destruction-of-the-gods nap.

           “We’ll have to get you another shirt along the way, least you kill Axel and Thalia with embarrassment.”

           “My shirt?” Euna asked, confused.

           “Is torn,” he said.

           Euna glanced down. “Ah.” She shrugged. “So it is. I don’t know why that would bother either of them.”

           Calex shook his head, almost smiling from her aloofness. This was still their Euna. “Shall we then? Lovely day for a dive. Or night. I have no real concept of what time it is.”

           Something slithered up along his legs to his hips. For a horrified moment, he thought he’d miss-stepped onto one of Euna’s traps. Then the vines pushed him against Euna.

           “If we get separated, you die,” she said as the vines laced their legs together. He was grossed out that Jack’s humming head bumped his thigh.

           Not that there aren’t 50 other things that will make me die here, he thought.

           Calex was already scared of tripping over the edge. Now he frantically struggled to keep his footing. For an absurd moment, he wanted to protest that he was covered in blood and would get Euna dirty, since that was clearly high on her priority list. Euna was shorter than him, and their proximity brought the poison berries to his chin height. Her hair tickled his throat and he got lightheaded when he inhaled the sickly sweet scent from one of the white flowers. Angel’s Trumpet, a devil of a flower, he remembered an Alnwick tour guide warning.

           She released his hand to hold up the rosewood box from her pocket. “Calex, I need you to make a tiny portion of Kaos fall madly in love with this box. Jack—” She glanced down, her face brushing Calex’s chest. “I need you to keep the rest of Kaos from getting near the box. Or us.”

           Jack had been humming Poison by Alice Cooper. A real oldie Calex knew from Winston. “Aye, aye, Captain Euna! That sounds like something I might be able to do.”

           “That’s it then? Make the primordial god of creation fall in love with a small, wooden box?” Calex asked, trembling. He swallowed a third time. His head already felt like it was spinning, though he couldn’t tell if that was from the toxic fumes, the terror, the continued vertigo, or the annoyance of remembering Jack was a real person and not a Halloween decoration. “I’ll need use of my bow, then.”

           He was too close to Euna, and he didn’t think he could wrap his arms around her and shoot behind her back. The scythe might also get in the way once they were falling. He unslung Soul Pain from his back and awkwardly held it to the side.

           “I’ll make us tied back-to-back once we’ve fallen and we know the vines are secure. You’re going to want these.” She placed something gooey in his free hand, then tapped her ear.

           When he stared down, he could see something that resembled plant goop.

           “I’ve got some lungs on me. Well, I don’t anymore, but I’m still a loud Jackie-boy,” Jack explained, and Calex could hear him grinning.

           Earplugs? Calex hoped these earplugs weren’t also poisonous, though at this point, he more hoped that Thanatos would still collect his soul here before it got turned to particle rubbish and that the god of Death wouldn’t chicken out since Calex would die so close to Kaos.

           When Calex pressed some of the goop to his left ear, the liquid seemed sentient, sliding in and clinging to his eardrum. The roar of Kaos, Jack’s humming, and the shouts and clang from Axel and Reyna’s fight dulled to a muffle. He pressed the remaining gunk onto his other earlobe, on standby. He wasn’t quite ready to lose all hearing.

           “Ready?” Euna asked, her dark eyes burning.

           Calex knew he was missing something vital. Euna had said mad love. Calex didn’t know mad love. He knew the fan-boy love he had for Percy and Annabeth, but there were healthy limits to that, despite Pax’s claims. Dare he call his feelings for Merry love? If it was, it wasn’t mad. He’d been careful not to let his feelings for her get out of control, out of respect that she didn’t fancy him quite the same way or at least wasn’t at a point in her life where she’d want the kind of love he had to offer.

           He’d accidentally imbued Thanatos with mad love, but that was a whim of survival. Maybe he could do it again, or maybe he’d flop and be screaming, “Bollix!!” as Kaos shredded them.

           No, Calex needed a solid example to pull this off.

           Another shout and clang came from the darkness near them, and Calex understood why Reyna and Axel were necessary for this quest.

           “I need to borrow something from you! Sorry, mates!” he said.

           Calex closed his eyes and expanded his senses. Everyone turned to colors and he glanced past Euna’s fury, Thalia’s irritation, and Jack’s excitement.

           A tugging hit his gut when he felt it: the irrational combination of respect, frustration, anger, passion, insecurity, wistfulness, benevolence, and desperation. Like a chemist listing off ingredients, Calex knew the missing element that kept the combination so volatile: trust. The perfect instability for what he needed.

           Calex mentally reached out and grabbed.

           Although he couldn’t hear them or see them, he could feel Axel and Reyna crumble as he robbed them, concentrating what was theirs into the palm of his hand.

           The emotion burned there, along the tips of his fingers. When he opened his eyes, he could see his fingers glowed a violent shade of red.

           “He’s got blood in his eyes,” Jack sang and Calex knew his eyes were the same shade.

           Calex nudged his palm against his ear, shoving the rest of the goop into his ear canal. The noises around them faded to murmurs. All he could hear was his own heartbeat and feel the thudding of Euna’s against his chest. Calex clenched his fists, one around the volatile emotions, one around Soul Pain.

           “Let’s go take part of Kaos,” he whispered.

           Euna stared at him steadily.

           Then she lifted Kronos’ scythe. The weapon was the only thing balancing them. They tumbled over the edge of the cliff, towards the swirling gap underneath the world, to steal a sliver of a primordial god, or get shredded in the process.

 Thanks for reading guys! I hope you enjoyed :D Tune in next week for Calex: When Your Spell Works Too Well.

[margsld]

Outlander Epi 3.03 Recap

All Debts Paid like a good, Red-Coated Lannister should.

As always we salute the writer of each episode. This magical one is written by the legendary Exec Producer, Photographer, Location Scout and super fan - Matthew B Roberts. *raises glass

Boston, 1956. Claire and Frank really should have learned not to have breakfast together by now.  Sure Frank is the cook this time and damn, I can almost smell that bacon-grease fried bread but all this white fashion and happy conversation is giving me indigestion. Far from book Frank, TV Frank is a cheater! GASP But he’s discreet. Oh, that makes it better then...NOT.

Meanwhile in Sunny Northern Scotland, it’s 1755 at Ardsmuir Prison.  Harry Quarry aka Old Geezer, is giving a dashing Lord John Grey (SWOON & SQUEE for Oz actor David Berry) the 10 schilling tour of his new Govenor-ing responsibilities.  Whisky is the only hightlight of being banished to the Northern-most post. Slainte! Short of hanging Lord John, this is hell itself especially since Kilts were banished post-Culloden.  Goodbye knee-porn. *reaches for a tissue

They arrive in Ardsmuir’s happy place, the yard bursting with grinning prisoners, leaping about in the sunshine. Or not. Old Geezer points out the fully clothed (drats)  Red Jamie aka Hooligan of the Highlands, who has plagued Lord John’s conscience since their last meeting. Lord John is too swoony to speak. There he was, standing right there in the shadows of the yard looking like the artful Dodger himself.  Any shiftier looking and he’d swing out an arm, only for a ladder of fake Rolex’s to appear for a fiver each.

Harry tells Lord John that he had supper with Mr Fraser, aka Mac Dubh weekly because who wouldn’t, ye fool.  Also, the other prisoners saw him as their leader and it kept the prison pleasant. That and 400 juicy rats.  Mac Dubh was not to be trusted though and was trussed up like a xmas ham in chains. Lord John declares he’ll not dine with that....I think he’s going to say ‘Spunk Rat’ here but then realises Harry would hear him and it could get awkward.  Instead, he ops for ‘Prisoner’ and we carry on.   

When it’s time to clinker back to his luxurious cell, Jamie tinkles like xmas bell until he finds a little perch. A nasty cough is heard from behind him and then a familiar voice asks if he’s met the new governer?  For the love of all things grumpy, it’s Murtagh!  Hooray! He’s forgotten to brush his teeth since Claire left and rats are eating him alive but more concerning to Dr Jamie is his cough. 

Forget where Murtagh’s been for the last umpteen years, we want to hear all about the new fella....  Jamie says he’s young, scairce more‘n a bairn which translates to.... well.... young.  Prison obviously makes you a bit gay because Jamie then notes his carriage *cough, his square shoulders then talks about his arse.  No wait, he has a ramrod up his arse.  This translates to 'educated and posh'.

Jamie is invited to chat with Lord John in his quarters, as Hazza Quazza suggested.  A rat crawls out of the dark and Lord John is mortified.  He demands a cat chase the fat rat until it’s splat.  No time for Dr Zeuss Jamie says, the cats would stop the gourmet cooking classes in the cells. Then what would bored prisoners do? 

Claire has finally graduated from Medical school and has a party at the house.  Bree is taking photos to mark the occasion and neglects to put herself in a picture.  Good parenting.  Frank is eager for them all to leave for their dinner reservations. Not suspicious at all, Frank.  Wasn’t he M16? Oopsey, Claire finds a pretty blonde lady on the doorstep.  Double oopsey, Frank didn’t mean to have his mistress turn up early.  So busted.  Claire decides its suddenly quite normal to go to reservations an hour early and clears the party goers out toot-sweet while Frank and little Miss Early-pants stand aside pretending they are decorative palms. Oh Frank.

The hills are alive with the sound of a ranting madman in Scotland.  Red coats find a hobo wandering near the coast and take him into custody. Duncan Kerr rants about Gold and curses so of course the Red coats get excited.  Lord John, smelling his golden ticket back to civilisation, hurries to Jamie to make a deal.  He’ll lose the Emo jewellery if he translates the madman’s Gailidgh and French ramblings. It's a deal.

Frank comes home from his hot date with Candy, errh, Mandy or is it Sandy and Claire is waiting for him.  He’s visibly drunk and she’s visibly ready to insert his British-issue ramrod! Claire accuses him of humiliating her in front of her colleagues.  Frank slurs ditto and that her face is like glass; no one at his work believes in their sham marriage anyway.  Claire gets snippy about his girlfriend and Frank says Sandy is no harlot, she has a PHD in linguistics.  Who saw that coming?    PS I want that bar!  He poors another drink because we all know you win arguments when you are drunker!  She asks if they’ve done the horizontal tango in their bedroom and Frank lashes back with a stinging “I think our bedroom is too crowded already”. Ouch Claire.  That’s a fine serving of karma pie you’ve just choked on.

It’s cheery days over at Ardsmuir resort too.  Jamie is trying to work out what the near-dead Duncan is raving about.  He is very interested when Duncan mentions the McKenzie, Ellen marrying silkies and a White Witch.  I fear he’s stumbled across some cocaine hustler but he insists that the Gold is cursed and the white witch will come for Jamie.  Spooked af.  Jamie tells the eavesdropping Lord John that Duncan was not making much sense.  John smells a rat and this time its a big red, unshaven Scottish rat not telling the truth.  He threatens to get it out of Jamie but Jamie just snorts.  Umm been there, done that, bought the Black Jack Tshirt already, Lord John.

Bree turns 16 and it’s evident Claire and Frank are no longer on the same page. 

Murtagh is getting more Dr Jamie medicine.  Does anyone else think perhaps it’s Jamie’s healing skills causing them all to be sick in the first place?  Murtagh is curious about Duncan Kerr’s news and when he hears of the story including a White Witch, he launches into some purvey memory about Claire and how often he thinks of her.  It’s kinda creepy but hey, prison. What is in that tea, Jamie?

 Lord John summons Jamie for supper.  Jamie decides that’s a great time to suggest the Governor let the men roam the moors and set traps so they can catch their own meat, since the British are too stingy.  At first Lord John thinks he’s pulling his leg but then Jamie explains it's another rat under the table. The prisoners can set their traps while out Peat collecting.  Oh well that’s alright then! They have supper together and Lord John explains the lack of intelligence of a pheasant but it’s good with red wine sauce.  Jamie takes a bite and instantly has a foodgasm. 

Later, back at story time in his cell, Fraser decides sweet-talking the cellmates to sleep with his tales of buttery rolls, is a kindness.  He's gone saft in the heid. If it was me sharing a cell and missing the good food, I’d tear him limb from limb.  Or lick him. A lot.

Lord John now surely needs anxiety medication, after Jamie jumps him while out taking a leak beyond the prison walls.  Jamie had escaped from the Peat Gang a few days earlier and now had returned.  Jamie confronts Lord John about their history and tries to insight him to kill him as he promised the first time they met.  John refuses to kill an unarmed man and they share a look. It's love blossoming.

They wander the nearby field shooting the breeze, as you do. John listens carefully as Jamie reveals why he had to go see if Claire was the white witch, Duncan was raving about.  And of the gold?  Jamie says he found an empty box with one jewel remaining and hands Lord John a perfectly cut sapphire. They are now BFFs.

Quick bounce back to Bree graduating in 1966 from high school. Claire chooses to wear white again. I’m sensing a pattern here.

In Ardsmuir, Lord John refuses to deny his fave prisoner’s requests.  Who can say no to that big red lion.  Lord John gets Murtagh a proper doctor.  Jamie can stop collecting Watercress now and Murtagh is vera grateful.

Jamie is playing chess with Lord John and they bond over wicked moves and their lost loves.  John confesses to losing his boyfiend at Culloden and Jamie tells John that his wife was called something starting with C. Umm, yeah, that’s it Claire.  She loved festering boils like no other.  John is impressed and jealous all at once.  More reminiscing ensues about their first meeting.... “If you found a 16 year old shitting himself a worthy opponent Mr Fraser, then it’s no wonder the highland army was defeated”.  Nah, it was the stupid bravery that impressed him mostly.  Is John blushing?  They bond like super glue to a shoe and things are going rosy.  They talk of that fun time he thought they were raping Claire too - oh the scallywags. 

Things get melancholy because alcohol. These two girls can’t handle their plonk and Lord John goes in for a raunchy hand caress.  Jamie suddenly realises he’s on the menu and tells John to take his hand off him or he’ll replace his ramrod with his sword.  John realises he’s just made a mammoth mistake and things are more tense than a rat in a prison cell before lunch time.  Jamie leaves in disgust and Lord John sheds a tear, for he needed new pants again. *squelch

Frank tells Claire he wants to move to England and take Bree now that she’s 18. She could go to Oxford while he works at Cambridge and Sandy, Mandy & Candy can come be his proper wife/wives.  Claire tells him no frikkin way. Bree is hers and he can’t take her.  He reminds Claire that every time she looks at Bree she sees Jamie and he just wants to live with a wife who loves him.  Fair point.  Insert shit storm and tears here.  He storms off out the door with his keys just as the phone rings.  Claire is called to the hospital for surgery. 

Ardsmuir is closing as it’s too comfy now for prisoners and the next garrison want to move in.  They insist they have a better recipe for Rat stew.  Jamie is pulled out of a line up away from Murtagh and is told he is being moved elsewhere.  The others will be indentured and sent to the colonies (America).  It’s a hideous moment where we are all waiting for Jamie to start struggling and shouting and trying to get back to Murtagh before they are separated by a whole ocean but it doesn’t happen. They can only exchange manly looks. Snow is falling as Jamie is tied to Lord John on a horse and is forced to walk for days.  There is little chit chat during their journey.  Lord John says they’ll have to talk eventually.  Jamie is still sulking about Murtagh but Lord John says they'll only be slaves for 14 years.  No biggy.

They eventually stop on a barren hill overlooking an extremely large estate. Ok it’s more of a palace but it’s home for now.  Helwater Estate is owned by the Dunsany’s and Lord John has arranged for Jamie to live there for now.  He explains it really is the best he could do for Jamie, short of a pardon and he should be totes grateful.  They kiss and make up and stride off into the sunset. 

Claire is soothing a patient’s stressed relative when she sees Dr Joe coming with his serious face. This can’t be good.  It’s Frank!  Nooooooooooooo!   There’s been a car accident.  Well, stick a fork in me I am done as all the feels are happening on my face.  Damn onions. 

Claire races to the morgue to see that he is indeed dead. As she enters the room, my heart shatters with hers.  Frank’s face is without a scratch and so surely he’ll pop up in a minute like Jon Snow.  Give it a minute...... ok, one more minute..... Nope. *ugly crying  She finds his dead neck most magnetic and goes in for a whiff or a kiss, we aren’t sure.  It’s a bit weird.  Claire confesses to his nearby spirit that she really did love him *eyeroll and that he was her first love. Nawwww. *tears again.  Claire slowly leans in for a final kiss and a tear rolls down her face onto Frank’s nose.  Gahh!  Too blurry to type more..... 

The End.

[sapienveneficus]

Not Gone

I also wanted to re-post my “end of run” ramblings. It’s been a year, and this show still has a special place in my heart. It’s truly not gone. 

For my last entry in this series, I thought I’d share a collection of some of my favorite Spring Awakening related memories from these past few months. This entry will be a bit more of a hodgepodge than the others so I wanted to apologize right up front if it seems disjointed. I suspect it will also be very long. You’ve been warned!

Best overall show experience:

Now, obviously, Closing Night has this award locked up. But there’s another night that I want to preserve and remember in this little online journal of mine. As far as incredible audiences go, it comes in at a very close second. Let me set the scene. On Thursday, December 10th, one of the Spring Awakening cast members tweeted that all fans should do their best to attend that next night’s (Friday, December 11th) ticket lottery. We were promised we would not regret it. He didn’t come out say that something special was happening, but he heavily implied it. He also shared a link to a Facebook post written by a guy named Jamie Grayson. The post was about how much he, Jamie, loved theater growing up, but that when he was younger he couldn’t really afford to go see the shows that he wanted to see, but now that he was older and had made a name for himself, he wanted to give back by giving fans the opportunity to see Spring Awakening. Then the post encouraged fans to attend Friday’s ticket lottery because he had “a few surprises in store for us” that night. So, naturally, I went. Unsurprisingly, I wasn’t the only one.

The ticket lottery that night was more crowded than I’d ever seen. (this was, of course, before closing night) Now I’m not a crowd size expert, but I’d say there were easily 300 people there. When the time had come to draw the winners’ names, the crowd had completely filled the sidewalk and had spilled out rather far into the street. At 6:30 on the dot, the lotto girl climbed up on her step ladder and started yelling instructions through her megaphone. She first went into her well rehearsed speech about how the Spring Awakening lottery was the first on Broadway to be done in both ASL and spoken English as the man next to her signed for the crowd. She then announced that this lottery was unlike any they’d had before. She explained that Jamie Grayson had loved the show so much that he wanted to make it possible for fans to see it, for free. So he’d bought out the entire lottery (all 28 tickets) plus 12 more for a grand total 40 tickets. The winners, she explained, wouldn’t be getting discounted tickets; instead they would get to see that night’s show for free. Well, with that announcement, the crowd went nuts. Who doesn’t love good news? After sharing this exciting development, she quickly began calling out names. When the last winner’s name was called, I hadn’t won, but I wasn’t feeling too bad because it had been a fun lottery experience. Besides, I knew I could just try again another day. But, then, the lottery girl told the crowd to stay put for a second. She got down from her ladder to consult with one of her colleagues. She then got back up and told us that the box office had just gotten a call from the show’s producer, Ken Davenport. Mr. Davenport had been so moved by what Mr. Grayson had done, that he had decided to release any available seats that night for the lotto price of $35. In short, the entire crowd had just won the ticket lottery. With this announcement, the crowd really went nuts. People were cheering, strangers were hugging, it was an incredible moment!

I won’t go into too much of what that show was like because I would just be repeating a lot of what I’ve already said about Closing Night. There were many similarities between the two. That night, just like Closing Night, the theater was full of incredibly enthusiastic fans. I sat next to a lovely group of students from Wagner College, Alex Boniello’s alma mater. They’d all been to see the show multiple times, and were thrilled to get to see it under such unique circumstances. The audience’s response to the show that night was a lot like Closing Night, the applause breaks were long and enthusiastic. I don’t want to go into all of that again, but there is one last moment I’d like to share. Just like during Closing Night, after the cast performed Totally Fucked, the crowd jumped to its feet to give them a standing ovation. Being in the 6th row of the orchestra, I had a pretty good view of the faces of each cast member. So I was able to see, as the standing ovation went on and on, as everyone in that audience had their hands raised in the air to applaud in ASL, I was able to see that one of the deaf actresses, Amelia Hensley, was crying. It struck me, in that moment, how amazing this must all be for the deaf members of this cast. To receive a standing ovation in their own language, from a Broadway audience, that must have been an incredible feeling. In an industry where they must receive one “no” after another, this moment, this moment was a resounding “yes!”

Best show companion

One of the great things about seeing this show multiple times has been meeting other fans. It’s great to have people you can team up with for the lotto (double the odds of winning) but it’s even better to have people you can text at 3am because you want to discuss tree symbolism, compare cues you’ve noticed, or share crazy stage door experiences you’ve had. Though I’ve met and seen the show with many great new friends, I think my favorite show companion has been my brother. I wanted to give him a special shoutout as I bring this series to a close because he has weathered my Spring Awakening obsession like a real trooper. He has seen the show with me not once, not twice, but three times. He’s also listened to me blather on about how much I love this number or that actor’s interpretation. He’s also been super cool whenever I’ve sent him behind the scenes videos that the cast has posted on Periscope, or Snapchat, or Instagram, or YouTube. In short, my brother has put up with a lot these past few months. I think I may have turned him into a Spring Awakening fan by sheer force of will. Well, that and he has excellent taste in music. So thank you, Jack, for putting up with my unique Spring Awakening brand of crazy. Now I just need to get you in to see Hamilton! J

Best show-related event

In addition to performing 8 shows a week, the cast of Spring Awakening has put on or taken part in a variety of activities in and around town to promote the show. They appeared on Late Night with Seth Meyers, the performed at the White House, they hosted an Ovation Series panel discussion at The Strand, and they performed a concert at 54 Below. It’s this last even that I want to talk a bit about. For those who don’t know, 54 Below is a cabaret club in midtown Manhattan. It’s a great place to see Broadway performers try out new material while having a nice meal. On January 3rd the cast performed two evening shows and as the later one was cheaper, that’s the one I attended. It started at, wait for it, 11:30pm; on a Sunday night! Those who know me know that that is ridiculously late for me, but trust me when I say the show was worth it. Almost the entire cast performed a number, and the best part was that each performance was sung and also signed. Each hearing cast member teamed up with a deaf cast member to perform a song. Some chose Broadway songs, others chose pop songs, and several in the cast, who happen to be singer songwriters, chose to perform songs they’d written.

Here are my favorite numbers from the night (in no particular order):

1)      Krysta Rodriguez and Ali Stroker singing Boom Clap by Charlie XCX with Josh Castille interpreting for them (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGazeWeeje8)

2)      Sandra Mae Frank and Josh Castille signing along to I Think I Got You Beat from Shrek the Musical (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiWsixkxTLA)

3)      Austin McKenzie singing and signing Valerie by Amy Winehouse (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MK8_AhZCB4)

4)      Sean Grandillo singing Love Yourself by Justin Bieber with Ren interpreting (hilariously) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vh6lSd5arpY)

5)      The cast performing Song of Purple Summer (with Sean Grandillo hilariously trying and failing to sign along) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=--UE0XLlfkk)

It should also be noted that Alex Wyse hosted the entire event and performed a number of his own. While his performance of Better Than I by John Bucchino was excellent, Alex’s best contribution to the event, in my opinion, was a joke he told at the top of the show. You need to understand that one of the running jokes in the Spring Awakening fandom was about cast member Andy Mientus and how much older he was than the rest of the cast. Now while this was not actually true, he’s in fact close in age to several members of the cast, it was something that he was a little sensitive about so that made it something the cast liked to tease him about. In a loving way, of course. So at the top of the show, Alex said, “You guys, I know you’re sad that Andy isn’t performing tonight. He really wanted to be here to sing for all of you. But they have strict rules about curfew at the nursing home.” Game, set, and match to Mr. Alex Wyse.

Notable Stagedoor experiences

I hate getting my playbill signed at the stagedoor. I like the end result, having a keepsake to help remember an incredible night of theater, but the actual process is the worst. Let me set the scene, you exit the theater after seeing a show, fight the crowds to secure yourself a spot near the stage door, spend several moments agonizing over what you should say if the Broadway star you’re wanting to see actually comes out to sign. Should you say anything at all or just hold your playbill in their face? No, that would be rude. You have to say something, but what? “You were incredible!” Duh! They know already know that! What about listing every single thing you love about their performance? No! That won’t work. First, you’ve only got about 10 seconds to say something if they stop and talk to you at all, and second, you don’t want to sound like a crazy person. So what about, “Thank you.  That was a fantastic performance. I loved the show!” That sounds reasonable. Not too long, but not too short. Then you can hand them your playbill, smile, and it’s all over and done with. Only once you’ve simultaneously psyched yourself up to say something and calmed yourself down so you don’t say or do something idiotic, then suddenly find yourself face to face with the actor or actress whose talent you so admire, and all your best laid plans to come off as a mature, intelligent, and sane person go right out the window! So yeah, I had stagedoored a few shows before Spring Awakening, and while I was (and am) glad to have those signed playbills, I don’t exactly look back on those experiences fondly. (I made such an idiot of myself in front of Josh Gad)

I will say, that while stagedooring is still not a favorite activity of mine, it did get a bit easier for Spring Awakening. The first time I stagedoored was, I believe, the second time I saw the show. I wanted to have the entire cast sign my playbill so that I could have it has a keepsake. I practiced signing, “Thank you. You were wonderful,” before the cast came out so I felt pretty confident that I wouldn’t say or do anything embarrassing. I mostly succeeded. I didn’t say anything terribly interesting or profound, but I didn’t make a fool of myself either. The second time I stagedoored, it was Halloween. I decided to give it a go for two reasons. First, I wanted to ask a member of the cast a question, and second, I was curious to see what everyone would dress up as for Halloween. Well, the best costume went to Ali Stroker and Andy Mientus, hands down. Andy went as Elliot and Ali went as ET, I saw a picture of them at the party they attended right after, and he was pushing her around in a shopping cart instead of in her wheelchair. So that part was fun, but the question asking proved disastrous. You see, I was asking a question for a friend, and when the actor, after answering my question asked if I wanted to take a selfie, I couldn’t think of a way to say no that wouldn’t hurt his feelings so what resulted was the world’s most awkward selfie. He’s smiling happily, and I look like I’m being tortured.

So after Halloween, I swore I was done with the stagedoor. I had my signed playbill, and I was good. But as I started making friends with other fans, I started getting invited to stay after shows and stagedoor. Turns out, a lot of people do it just for fun. This revelation rocked me to my core, because stagedooring for me had always been the opposite of what I would call fun, but I was curious to see why others enjoyed it so much. So I tagged along and after observing the pros, I’ve picked up a few stagedooring tips. Follow any one of these, and even if you’re most awkward person on the planet, you can make it through a stagedoor experience unscathed. You might even have fun.

Tip #1 – Bring a pet. A fan buddy of mine would sometimes bring her dog to the stagedoor. Now, for this to work, you have to live nearby as pets are obviously not allowed in the theater. But if you can bring your pet, do it. Cast members will stop and want to play with or cuddle your pet. This will give you a little extra time to think of something to say if you’re feeling up for it. If not, a cute pet can completely remove the awkwardness from any awkward silence, freeing you up to simply smile and hand the cast member your playbill.

Tip #2 – Be the photographer. Find a stagedoor buddy who loves having his or her picture taken with cast members, and then volunteer to be their photographer. That way you can happily stand there and take their picture, while not having to worry about saying a single thing the entire time. This is the perfect stagedoor hack for those feeling especially nervous or shy. You literally don’t have to say a thing apart from, “1,2,3, smile!”

Tip #3 – Avoid the crowd. One of the worst ways to stagedoor is from the middle of a crowd of screaming fans. Avoid this at all costs. The cast will typically exit the stagedoor and then move either right or left away from the theater, signing playbills as they go. So, the best thing to do is find out which way they typically go (left or right) and then go that way. Go down to where the line of fans thins out. The actors have to pass by you eventually because, at some point, they have to go home, and it’s much better to be as far from the maddening crowd as possible. This is a great strategy for those feeling brave enough to strike up a conversation. There’s less pressure to get your question out in 10 seconds as there aren’t screaming girls shoving you from behind. Usually, there are just a few people at the end of the stagedoor line, and they tend to be much more relaxed. I actually managed to have a few decent conversations with cast members by employing this particular strategy.

Tip #4 – Bring something. Now, this can quickly get out of hand, so keep in mind the three S’s: small, sensible, and sincere. If you’re an artist, drawing a picture is always nice. Or if words are more your medium, you can write a cast member a letter. On Halloween, a fan made little bags of candy to give out the cast, and they really seemed to enjoy that. But don’t go overboard. I doubt a cast member would appreciate a life-size bust of his or her head sculpted from a block of real Wisconsin cheddar cheese. Even if the cast member is from Wisconsin and loves cheese, no one wants something like that.  

On Closing Night, I wrote out little thank you notes for the cast. I stayed after at the stagedoor to hand them out. I took my own advice and stationed myself down towards the end of the line, and, you know what? I had an okay time. I was able to hand out my cards, say thank you in person, and get everyone who came out that night to sign my copy of the play. The best signer that night, hands down, was Alex Boniello. Under composer Duncan Skeik’s name, Alex wrote, “is nice” with a smiley face before signing his own name. The most simultaneously uncomfortable and sweet moment came when I gave Russell Harvard his thank you note. He took it, I signed thank you, he signed my copy of the play, and just as he turned away and I was starting think that I’d successfully completed another exchange, he leapt forward and hugged me. Now, anyone who knows me knows I am not a fan of hugging. Especially hugging people I don’t know. But while this made me a little uncomfortable, it was also a really sweet moment. Here was an actor, overcome with the emotion of closing night and the outpouring of support from fans of the show, saying thank you in his own way. Even I can be okay with that.

Well, we’ve come to the end of my Spring Awakening series. Spring Awakening will always be my favorite musical, and I know I’ll always treasure the memories of being in the city and getting to experience so much surrounding the Deaf West revival. I hope you’ve enjoyed my ramblings!

[markoutmania]

Progress Wrestling Thoughts

So I got a month subscription to Progress Wrestling and am attempting to watch all the 2019 shows so far. Here are some thoughts on the first 2 shows I watched for 2019. 

Chapter 83: Remove Child Before Ironing Show date: 20th January 2019

Ilja Dragunov vs Timothy Thatcher -What a HARD hitting STIFF match! These dudes beat the HECK out of each other! The match was quite sloppy at times but it was a lot of fun. STIFF BEATINGS in this match! 3 stars!

Nina Samuels vs Laura Di Matteo w/ Jinny -Much of this was sloppy and very formula, by the numbers match lay out wise. Meh. 1 star.

Eddie Dennis and Mark Haskins vs Do Not Resuscitate (Spike Trivet & Drew Parker) -Some of this was a LOT of fun, some of it was sloppy & flat. Haskins was the best worker in the entire match, weird seeing Dennis as a face since he is a heel in NXT UK. Wasn't awful, had some really fun moments but also had some not so good. A mixed bag but decent enough. 2 stars.

Angelico vs Jody Fleisch -That was good! There were a few awkward moments where Fleisch would take a while to set a spot up but otherwise this was a good aerial vs strikes & submissions battle. Angelico's llave game is on point and you know, him as a guy hitting strikes & tying opponents up in lucha submission holds is a version of Angelico I'd love to see in main events vs his current role of being the straightman to Jack & opponents. Loved the quickness & smoothness Angelico put on that llave to end the match. Good stuff! 3 stars!

Aussie Open vs Do Not Resuscitate -Decent match. Chuck Mambo & his partner (did not catch the bloke's name) were sloppy as heck and have some of the worst looks I've seen in wrestling. They have bodies/physiques & gear of total green amateurs and I got the impression that is not what they are. Aussie Open were better, cleaner execution of moves, cooler offense, better teamwork. This was a very formulaic match but decent enough. 2 stars.

Shigehiro Irie vs Chris Ridgeway -Good match! Hard hitting, some good back & forth, felt like a fight. I did not buy the finish at all cos Ridgeway does not lay his strikes in that solidly so I don't buy his flimsy PK being something that would put this big ass Japanese guy down but, finish aside, good action and this was a lot of fun. I enjoyed it! 3.25 stars!

Swords of Essex (c) vs CCK - Tag Team Titles -Oh Man! This was a really good match until Lykos' got injured and the whole mood of the match was kind of killed. Poor Lykos. But until that, this was a pretty good match! Good action, good sequences, some cool double teams & spots and it was building up really well until.. The injury and the energy just left the crowd & the match. Aside from the sad ending, twas a good match! 3.5 stars!

Overall Thoughts: Decent show, some fun matches and I really liked the ring announcer/host of the show, he was hilarious. Looking forward to more 2019 Progress! ***************************************************************************** Chapter 84: Eskeewd beef! Have anybody got any bokkle oran doove? Show date: 24th February 2019

Mark Haskins vs Do Not Resuscitate (Trivet and Mambo w/ Parker) -This was a lot of fun! Wasn't great wrestling, Mambo was again not impressive at all and I didn't think much of Trivet either but Haskins was good and this was fun. The Jimmy Havoc angle afterwards was actually pretty awesome! I MARKED for it and I'm not crazy for Havoc's work. But this was a lot of fun, set a good tone for the show. 2 stars.

Bea Priestley vs Millie McKenzie -This was ok, but not great. Bea was very sloppy here and a lot of what she does comes off as cosplay more than style. Millie was fine, I had no problems with her in this match and the way she soldiered on after Bea attempted rope jumping dropkick that turned into land on Millie's face & body as  hard as possible showed how tough she is. I'm being generous and saying it was ok, it really wasn't good at all but Millie did her best with what she was up against. 1.5 stars.

Eddie Dennis promo -Meh?

Jinny w/ Laura di Matteo vs Nina Samuels -Did not care for this. Nina Samuels has not been impressive in NXT UK or here. She is around mid to late 2000's era WWE Divas level. I've seen Jinny have some decent matches in NXT UK & in last year's MYC but she didn't seem that much better than Nina here. Not a fan of this match, was like a longer 2000's Divas match. Meh. 1 star.

Travis Banks vs Jordan Devlin -Oh man! This was a good match, developing into a really good match when the run-in DQ finish cut that momentum short. But good hard hitting action between these two who had those really good matches in NXT UK. In the end, Banks' New Zealand protoges ran in to save him and we get a DQ finish and then the 3 Kiwis destroying Devlin. Good match! 3 stars!

Swords of Essex (c) vs Aussie Open - Tag Team Titles -OMG!! This was FANTASTIC! The atmosphere was great, Ospreay & Robinson have such a hostile relationship w/ the crowd, great crowd heat for this. Great action, dramatic nearfalls, back & forth momentums.. This was just a ton of fun. Really enjoyed this! Cheap finish that works in setting up an even bigger rematch, a TLC match for the tag titles, and was great pro wrestling. Can't say enough, dug the heck out of this! 4 stars!

Trent Seven (c) vs Timothy Thatcher  - Atlas Title -WOW! This was really good! And sooooo STIFF! So many hard chops & European uppercuts! Hard hitting back & forth match! So much fun, this was really good! Simple story to it but it worked, good stuff! 3.5 stars!

WALTER (c) vs Chris Ridgeway - World Title -DANG! Another good match! Hard hitting, goes w/out saying of course, HARD STIFF shots aiding a simple in ring story for a fun match. It didn't go very epic or take things to a next leel but it was still pretty good! I love watching Walter destroy opponents, I must confess. Walter may not be everyone's cup of tea, and I personally think he goes in too hard on the chops, but I really like his basic moves turned lethal via his power style. Good match! 3.25 stars!

Postmatch Trent Seven-Walter angle: OMG!! Trent Seven challenges Walter to a title unification match at a future show and I WANNA SEE THIS MATCH SUPER BAD NOW!!! I'm legit MARKING OUT!

Overall: This rocked! Especially the final 3 matches, they really brought it in these last 3 matches. Super excited for the next chapter!!

[365footballorg-blog]

Jim Curtin: Auston Trusty, Mark McKenzie "playing well beyond their years"

div.video-js { width: 100% !important; height: 0 !important; overflow: hidden; position: relative; padding-top: 56.2%; }

July 19, 201811:15AM EDT

CHESTER, Pa. — The last time Orlando City SC came to Talen Energy Stadium, back in April, teenage center back Mark McKenzie tentatively entered the game in the second half, making his MLS debut when he replaced an injured Jack Elliott.

When Orlando visited on Wednesday night, McKenzie looked nothing like that nervous teenager from three months ago, playing arguably the best game of his young career as the Philadelphia Union beat the Lions 1-0 in the U.S. Open Cup quarterfinals.

“He was a beast,” Union head coach Jim Curtin said. “His ability to not just dominate physically whether it is in the air, in duels, or in 1v1’s — but also what gets Earnie [Stewart] and I excited is how good he was with the ball. He played through the lines and played passes that eliminate five or six defenders at a time. I think he had one mistake maybe with the ball; we will still pick on him and be hard on him because we want him to get better. But we’re really happy with his growth.”

Curtin admitted that McKenzie has had some difficulties against some of the league’s top strikers since entering the starting lineup in April, particularly Atlanta United’s Golden Boot leader Josef Martinez. The Venezuelan international has scored four goals, three coming from the spot, in two games against McKenzie and the Union this year.

But on Wednesday, he teamed up well with fellow teenager Auston Trusty to take Orlando forward Dom Dwyer out of the game and lead the Union to their first shutout since a 4-0 win over Vancouver on June 23.

“I think that Mark McKenzie and Auston Trusty are playing well beyond their years,” Curtin said. “You are starting to see them now advance the ball through the midfield on the dribble, play through the lines. And they are are a really solid partnership there. Dom Dwyer is not an easy guy to deal with for 90 minutes. I thought they did an excellent job.”

While Curtin said Trusty still has aspects of his game he can work on, especially on the offensive end, the Union coach praised the rookie center back’s “physical tools” as “something I cannot really teach.”

“There is not a No. 9 in our league that jumps with him where I kind of worry,” Curtin said. “I think he has the ability to beat almost anybody on his defensive headers. … He has the ability to take this thing as far as he wants. Earnie [Stewart] and I talk about it all the time; he has the pedigree and the quality to play in Europe. That is not to say that I am endorsing that or anything like that because I want him here. At the same time, he has the potential to be a player at the highest level and that is fun to watch.”

Curtin noted it’s also been fun to watch the partnership grow between Trusty and McKenzie, two players who came up together through the Union’s academy. And they’ll look to continue to use what he called a “real bond” throughout the rest of the season, starting with another tough matchup Saturday vs. Zlatan Ibrahimovic and the LA Galaxy (7 pm ET | TV & streaming info).

“Zlatan is world class, so you watch film on him but you’re not sure what to expect in a game,” McKenzie said. “He could come out and do something completely different. It’s just a matter of keeping composed and understanding what the game needs and trying to eliminate his chances every time he gets on the ball.”

<!–

Stay connected: Get access to breaking news, videos, and analysis from North America’s best soccer reporters via “This Week in MLS” newsletter or using our FREE mobile app.

–>

Stay connected: The all-new, completely redesigned, FREE official MLS app is your best mobile source for scores, news, analysis and highlights. Download:  App Store  |  Google Play

#block-block-188 {padding:0;} #stay-connected {border-top:1px solid #ebebeb;margin:20px 0;} #stay-connected p {margin:0;color:#4d4d4d;line-height:1.5em;} @media screen and (max-width: 730px) { #stay-connected {padding:8px 6px 0 6px;width:100%;} } @media screen and (min-width: 731px) and (max-width: 1120px) { #stay-connected {padding:8px 6px 0 6px;width:100%;} } @media screen and (min-width: 1121px) { #stay-connected {padding:8px 6px 0 6px;width:708px;} }

MLSsoccer.com News

Jim Curtin: Auston Trusty, Mark McKenzie “playing well beyond their years” was originally published on 365 Football

[thrashermaxey]

Ramblings: Svechnikov, Couture, Among Others Sign, JvR Back To Philly… But Nothing On Tavares (Yet) (July 1)

Svechnikov, Couture, Among Others Sign, JvR Back To Philly… But Nothing On Tavares (Yet)

Happy Canada Day and Free Agency Day!

Don’t forget to check Dobber Hockey for the fantasy impact of signings as they appear. Once the various hockey insiders announce the signings on Twitter, Dobber, Mike Clifford, and myself will be typing away like crazy. So between your free agency programming, barbecues, and fireworks, you’ll want to check Dobber Hockey for the latest on how players will be affected fantasy-wise.

In the meantime, the Ramblings is a great place to discuss the other hockey news of the day, including players re-signing with teams that already hold their rights. Will John Tavares fall into that category? Islanders fans can only cross their fingers.

*

The only surprise with this signing is how quickly it got done. The Hurricanes have signed 2018 second-overall pick Andrei Svechnikov to a three-year entry-level contract. According to the Raleigh News & Observer, his contract is in line with the previous two number 2 picks, Patrik Laine and Nolan Patrick.

Also mentioned in the same article: 2017 first-overall pick Martin Necas was “easily the most impressive player in [Hurricanes prospect development] camp.” As much as Svechnikov seems ready to make the jump to the NHL, he’s not the only Canes’ prospect to keep an eye on this season. Necas is listed at number 10 in the June edition of the Top 200 Fantasy Prospect Forward rankings.

*

According to Sportsnet, Logan Couture is on the verge of receiving an eight-year extension from the Sharks worth $64 million. Couture is on the final year of a contract with a cap hit of $6 million, so the new contract will be a $2 million per season raise starting in 2018-19. According to Pierre LeBrun, the signing won’t affect the Sharks’ chances of signing Tavares.

Last season Couture was the runaway Sharks’ leader in goals with 34, mainly playing on a line with Tomas Hertl. Not that Hertl is a terrible player by any means, but could Couture’s fantasy value improve if Tavares signs with the Sharks and becomes Couture’s linemate? Something for us to think about if we write a “Tavares Signs With Sharks” fantasy take article. We all have Tavares on the brain right now.

*

Early Saturday morning (at least for me on the West Coast), the Jets traded Steve Mason, Joel Armia, a seventh-round pick in 2019 and a fourth-round pick in 2020 to the Canadiens for Simon Bourque. I broke down the trade from a fantasy perspective. Some additional thoughts:

With Mason now out of the picture, the Jets’ backup goalie situation will be one to watch. According to Ken Wiebe of the Winnipeg Sun, UFA Michael Hutchinson is “expected to move on, since he attracted interest from multiple teams during the interview period.” Promoting Eric Comrie is a possibility, as he had a fairly strong AHL season (34 GP, 2.58 GAA, .916 SV%), but he has struggled in brief NHL duty (4 GP, 4.00 GAA, .880 SV%). According to Wiebe, Comrie “isn’t likely ready for full-time duty,” so I’d probably put my money on the Jets bringing in an experienced backup one way or another. There should be plenty of those for the Jets to choose from.

Yes, the Armia trade may also ensure that Jack Roslovic receives a full-time NHL job. Potentially there are a quite a few Jets forwards outside the top 6 that could be positively impacted by Armia’s departure. We’ll probably have to wait to find out whether Paul Stastny is re-signed to determine the full effect of Winnipeg’s forward lines from top to bottom in 2018-19.

*

Mike Green has reportedly agreed to signing a two-year contract to remain in Detroit, with an AAV of $5.375 million (Bob McKenzie). Expect his role to remain exactly the same in Detroit as the lead power-play blueline option. His numbers should be relatively easy to project, as he has scored between 33 and 35 points in each of his three seasons in Detroit while missing between 8 and 16 games in each of those seasons.  

*

Ryan Reaves has reportedly agreed to sign a two-year contract to stay in Vegas (NHL.com). Reaves isn’t much for scoring (10 points in 79 games), but he can provide help to your fantasy team in two peripheral categories in particular. Reaves was ninth in the NHL in both penalty minutes (94) and hits (236). I guess if you play in a deep enough roto league and you need to do some catchup in either category, then you could consider Reaves. Regardless, the gritty type of player Reaves is seems to be a dying breed.

*

Defensive specialist Niklas Hjalmarsson has agreed to a two-year extension with the Arizona Coyotes (NHL.com).

*

Now, onto news items that have come across the wire as I type this:

Frank Seravalli of TSN has stated that James van Riemsdyk has decided to return to the Philadelphia Flyers. The signing will be officially announced when the free agency period begins.  

All indications are that James van Riemsdyk is going back to the Philadelphia #Flyers on a deal to be announced Sunday. #TSN

— Frank Seravalli (@frank_seravalli) July 1, 2018

The fantasy take on how this will affect both the Flyers and the Leafs will be up on this website on Sunday, once the deal is officially announced.

*

The midnight ET deadline appears to have come and gone on John Tavares signing a maximum eight-year contract with the Islanders. Now, this doesn’t mean that he won’t sign with the Islanders, but it means that the Isles appear to have lost their advantage of adding an extra year to their offer. So I’d say that although the door hasn’t closed on Tavares re-signing with the Isles, I don’t think it’s as likely to happen as it was before. The Tavares Watch continues as the hockey world holds its breath.

Sarcasm on the internet and trolling of Islanders’ fans at the same time:  

Man, if there's this much drama for a John Tavares free agency, imagine how much there'll be for a truly great player like Barzal …

— Greg Wyshynski (@wyshynski) June 30, 2018

*

Sorry to cut this off short tonight, but I have to get an early start on tomorrow (writing this on Saturday night). You’ll have plenty to read about then. Should be an action-packed day.

*

For more fantasy hockey information, you can follow me on Twitter @Ian_Gooding.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-svechnikov-couture-among-others-sign-jvr-back-to-philly-but-nothing-on-tavares-yet-july-1/