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#and my gag reflex to chill out more bc its coming up just thinking about it....gid
youremyheaven · 2 months
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helloooo hope im not bothering you but do you have any natural remedies for anxiety? i figured you would know because you really do seem to have experience with things like this
methods that preferably don’t involve ingesting anything because sometimes when it’s really bad my gag reflex kicks up with everything i put in my mouth 😓😓 for context ive been properly diagnosed with an anxiety disorder but i remember there was a three week period as a child where i was effectively mute because anxiety and i couldn’t make eye contact or everything and now whenever i get a panic attack i think of that muteness and panic even more because i cannot risk losing my voice again at this big age 😭😭 must be something with the sky and planets or it could be my third house saturn making itself known again
- mother anon (also so proud of you for your new boyfriend!! who would’ve thought? (i did. i knew the very moment you first mentioned him.) but also like how did the confession and entrance into the relationship happen?? from fwbs to lovers is so 🤞🤞 cute but how does a conversation like that even happen and go ANDDD the fact that you previously mentioned your type to me in response to an ask and now this guys seems perfectly like that? okay go manifesting queen i see you 🤭)
selective mutism is something i struggled with as a child so i know how bad it can get and how awful it feels!!!
yoga and meditation is what helps me with anxiety. also camomile tea, peppermint tea, green tea etc helps calm you down. ik a lot of people think its hogwash to drink tea to help with symptoms BUT I PROMISE YOU ITS NOT, these are crushed plant bits and these plants have actual medicinal properties!!! this is NOT placebo!!! its the OG natural remedy!!
throat chakra cleansing mudras and asanas could help u. when i was at the peak of my panic attack-y anxiety episodes, i would lie face down on my yoga mat and just stay there until i felt better (sometimes this would take hours). my therapist at the time told me to submerge my feet in ice cold water because it makes the nerves chill out (literally) and that helped too. running or walking could also help you. chanting really helped me and thats also what my therapist recommended.
JSJDHHDHHFHF u guys being proud of me for getting a man is so funny 🤣🤣like its not an achievement but tbh it does kinda feel like one hehe 🥺bc my pookie is a good man
firsttttt of all, we weren't fwb 😭he had asked me out before and i had said no 😭 (this was a few months ago) and then we started hanging out (one on one) (in July) and one night after i hadn't seen him for like a week (because he had gone to a different city for work) i felt feral for him (i was also ovulating) and although i had no intentions as such for the two of us, I started touching him and coming onto him and he just 😊was clueless until I started kissing him and told him I want him inside me lmaooo. so tbh, we were kindaa??? dating?? (going out and spending time with a person, holding hands, cuddling etc) i think its after i became intimate with him that i realised how much i liked him lmaooo and then i wondered about where this was going etc and i asked him and we were on the same page (we both reallyyyy like each other and want to be together).
idk about other people but he wasnt someone who went from friend to fckbuddy to boyfriend. he was a guy in my social circle who had asked me out and made his intentions with me veryyy clear from the get go. I had friendzoned him 😬and despite never having friendly intentions 😈he was always respectful and never tried to cross the line. (he's a Jupiter influenced man after all hehe<3)
it wasnt an overnight switch,, it was always romantic from his end. i didnt realise how gentlemanly and chivalrous he was until i started hanging out with him (by the time we had become intimate, i had already gone out with him 4 -5 times) and he's just sooo manlyyyy and mature,, its so hot to me. so for me, it took more time to see him that way??? so even tho i said i had sex with a friend, we were technically dating at that point lol,, it wasnt a random "hey meet me, i want to bang u tonight" situation
he does fit my type to a TEE hehe <333 i hope i manifest everything else in life this way<333 like everytime im with him, im just like??? did i write this man into existence?? bc wtf ??? 🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬🧿🪬
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masonscig · 4 years
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pairing | mason x detective sofía olmos
word count | 2.8k
warnings | smut. very nsfw. minors keep scrolling
tags | @raleiighcarrera ; @pixeljazzy ; @lyuyu ; @bellarxse ; @bceky ; @twc-thoughts-you-didnt-ask-for ; @brightpinkpeppercorn ; @pixelsandkink ; @katbee ; @admdmrtn ; @agentsunshine ; @echohauville 
author’s note | well! the prompt is pretty self explanatory. and plus it’s mason. yall know its ab to get smutty. this is my first and only submission for day 14 (throat) for @31daysofwayhaven also kudos to all the writers that’ve managed to be consistent – hats off to you seriously! um i’m terrified bc this is my first mason smut piece so please be nice [kudos appreciated on ao3]
read it on ao3
•─────────────────•
He laced his fingers through her thick hair, reveling in the way his skin looked contrasted against the midnight of her hair.
On her knees, clutching his thighs with a grip that nearly broke the skin, his cock buried in her mouth, she took him all in. Her lips pursed around his head, tongue sliding against his shaft as he eased his hips forward.
“You almost got it,” he purred, watching as her mouth opened wider, lips tightening as he pumped into her slowly. “That’s it.”
Her throat pulsed, and he felt spurts of air from her nostrils against his lower stomach, sending a chill up his spine.
He held her in place, feeling her tongue writhe against him. A groan rumbled through his chest, his grip tightening on the back of her head.
The moment she choked, coughing, he pulled himself free from her mouth, his cock twitching at her initial gasp. Her eyes fluttered, gaze fixated up at him, spit glistening on her chin, her mouth parted as she hungrily gulped the air.
“Did you like that?”
She nodded, blinking rapidly. “Yes, I did.”
She stuttered, like she couldn’t believe she was saying it herself.
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course,” she breathed.
“You’re gonna try to take it all for me, alright, sweetheart?” He smirked, one hand sliding from the back of her head to pinch her chin between his thumb and forefinger.
He leaned down, kissing her open mouth, tugging gently on her bottom lip, caught between his teeth. She groaned as he pulled himself back into standing position, belt buckle jingling at the movement.
“I know, I know, I’m hypnotizing, but I need to know you want this,” he laughed breathily, watching as she came to, nodding furiously.
“Yes, please,” she nearly whined, her hands clutching his thighs once more.
He repeated the first few steps, pumping himself in her mouth slowly, the short strokes making his eyes roll back into his head. He’d normally throw his head back and focus on the feeling, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the way her lips stretched over him, her rosy lipstick rubbing off at the corners, streaking down the sides of his shaft.
God, sloppy, messy head excited him. After all these years, all the people that sucked him off, he’d never get tired of that particular disheveled look.
But if he had to pick his favorite person wearing that look, it’d be Sofía. He wasn’t even close to being finished with her and he knew she wore it best.
He pushed a little farther into her mouth, deepening his strokes, feeling her tongue flatten against him.
“Fuck…” he moaned under his breath, inciting a hum from her, and when it traveled up his body, he was the closest to heaven he’d ever get.
The typical person would think Mason preferred the act of coming, the brief euphoric peak that overtook his already heightened senses a high he chased often – but it was completely the opposite.
He loved the chase – hunting, trapping, planning on how he’d go in for the kill. That was what excited him the most.
So watching her try her hardest to hold it all in for him was nearly pushing him over the edge. He couldn’t recount a time where he was that close, that fast.
He watched her carefully, pushing himself all the way in, her lips grazing the trimmed hair above the base of his shaft. She held eyes with him, squinting as she tried to hold back a gag.
Tears formed at the corner of her eyes, and her chest flexed, like she needed air. He pulled himself out of her mouth, watching a thick string of saliva drip onto the floor.
She gasped, eyes half lidded, lipstick smeared onto her glistening chin.
“You want more, sweetheart?”
She nodded, mouth open, tongue pointed. The tip of it grazed the head of his cock, making him inhale sharply.
This time, he pushed himself in all the way, a little rougher than before, eyes still locked with hers. The broken garble that came from her as he pumped into her mouth ripped a growl from him, every sound she made triggering an animalistic response of his own.
“Fuck, Sofía –” He breathed, gripping her jaw with his left hand, his other hand tangled in her hair.
She tapped his leg lightly, a gentle warning, so he pulled out once again, revelling in the way her desperate breaths sounded, the way her chest glistened, adorned with spit, the way her lengthy locks looked against her bare skin, freckled just like his.
“I can handle more,” she breathed, leaning forward to suck gently on his head, hazel eyes transfixed on his.
He’d been looked at before by a woman on her knees, but never like that. Something about Sofia brought out his most primal instincts. He couldn’t deny that she was stunning and as adventurous as he was – and something about that made him want to stake his claim on her.
Despite her voice, which was dripping with desire, her eyes were glimmering innocently, like every word she said doubled as sexy and sincere.
“‘Do you trust me?’ ‘Of course.’” It played on loop in his brain – the way the words fell from her lips without hesitation. Like a reflex. Like it was second nature to do so.
“If you want me to stop, tap my leg just like before,” he said, barely able to choke through the words as she lazily swirled her tongue around his tip.
She nodded, squeezing his thighs in anticipation.
He cupped her face around her ears, gripping her head firmly. This time, since she was eased into the idea, he went all in.
His hips snapped into her, burying himself in her mouth, watching himself disappear behind her pretty lips. Saliva bubbled out of the corners of her lips, leaking out and down her chin. Making a mess of her was his favorite thing.
His hands snaked into her hair again, this time gathering it at the nape of her neck. She groaned, evoking a soft “shit” from his lips, followed by a sharp intake of breath. He twisted the hair around his wrist like a dark rope until he could guide her bobbing head at the pace he wanted.
He felt her tighten her lips as he pumped into her, the heat of her mouth making him shudder. She dug her fingernails into his bare thighs, eyes watering, brows furrowed. Her knuckles were white with the effort, but she didn’t tap his leg.
She just kept her eyes focused on him like he was the only thing that mattered.
God how the fuck did she manage to make throat fucking into something more with a single look?
But he didn’t mind it. Or at least he didn’t think he minded it. He’d figure it out later. She didn’t say she wanted more than whatever their arrangement was. So maybe she didn’t. Maybe the look was nothing –
A tap on the leg broke his train of thought.
When he pulled out, she gasped, swiping the back of her hand across her chin, smearing the rouge color even more.
“Trying to clean up the mess I made?”
“Maybe,” she ran a tongue over her bottom lip, a soft, sultry smile blooming.
“Well, don’t. I worked hard on that,” he laughed breathily, a smirk tugging at his mouth.
“What’re you gonna do about it?” She whispered, one hand still firmly gripping his thigh, the other slung between her bent legs, grazing her inner thigh.
Mason hadn’t seen her since she left the meeting a trembling mess, her bounty weighing heavy on her conscience – as he expected.
He realized later that walking to her car, thinking about her on and off throughout the day, and the general uneasiness he felt at her absence was unmistakable – he was concerned for her.
He didn’t hate the feeling, but it tugged at him, distracting him from his normally laid back demeanor. He was on edge.
So days later, when he volunteered to visit the station to check on her and found out she was off for the first time in months, he jumped at the chance to see her. Smoothly, of course.
“Yeah, after the, uh, ‘news’ I kinda need a weekend to relax… but I don’t even know if I’m capable of that,” she chuckled, nervousness fraying the edges of her laugh. “I should be on high alert, you know? But instead I’m looking for a distraction.”
She chewed her lip and wrung her hands, staring out at the setting sun. The wind swept her bangs around, catching a loose strand in her glossy red-toned lipstick.
He liked Sofía like this. Deep in concentration, brows furrowed, gaze set. Quiet.
“I can help with that,” he said, matter-of-factly, breaking her train of thought.
“Huh?”
“I can help with that,” he said again, unwilling to explain.
“You don’t have to distract me, Mason. I’ll be okay,” she shrugged, but it didn’t meet her eyes.
She was way too easy to read – half of the time she turned him down because she wanted to hear him ask again. 
“You and I both know you’ve been waiting to get your hands on me since our meeting,” he said under his breath, stepping towards her, where she stood next to the front door of her car.
“And you haven’t?” She asked innocently, but challenging nevertheless.
She always did that and it both infuriated him and made him hard – she acted like she didn’t know that she was driving him crazy. But she knew. She had to.
“You know I have,” he grinned, taking another predatory step towards her, trapping her against her car. “I’ve been thinking about you wrapping those pretty little lips around my cock.”
Her mouth parted, but no words came. The flush that spread across her face was swift, like a wildfire of scarlet. He never really knew what would do the trick, so he found himself trying anything to get her to trip over her words.
“Do… you wanna come back to my place?”
He knew she was gonna ask but it didn’t hurt to hear it.
He knew she was gonna click the radio on, apologizing profusely when it burst through the speakers, grating at his ears.
He knew she was gonna refuse to look at him from the walk to the car to the apartment, like she was unsure it was really happening – or she was embarrassed.
He knew she was gonna lock the door behind them and immediately stride to the kitchen to offer him a drink. And he knew she knew that he would turn it down every time.
He knew she was gonna wait for him to be the first to make a move, darting across the room to wrap her in a frenzied kiss, feeling her melt in his hands.
He knew she was gonna eventually writhe beneath him, fingers knotted into his hair while his mouth worked its magic, her gentle moans of his name falling from her mouth so adoringly despite him never saying hers that way.
He knew she was gonna eagerly reciprocate since she strived for perfectionism in every aspect of her life, especially one where she knew the other person was more experienced than her.
But what he didn’t anticipate was the way it felt that time. The way he felt – the way she was acting. Something was different. Like she had something to prove… more than usual.
Wordlessly, he pulled her up from her knees, gripping her chin in one hand. He kissed her open mouth, revelling in the familiarity of her scents that enveloped him. The faint minty gum on her breath, the lingering smell of her floral shampoo, even the remnants of the lipstick on her chin smelled sweet.
“You always have something to say,” he nearly growled, backing her towards the countertop. “But you never tell me what you want.”
Normally they could manage to stumble back to her bedroom, but neither of them could wait. She barely had time to offer refreshments before his pants were at his knees.
He lifted her onto the counter, splaying her thighs out, ignoring her yelp as the cold countertop hit her skin, raising goosebumps on her legs.
“Mason…” she breathed, half-lidded gaze trained on him.
“Tell me what you want me to do,” he smirked, nipping lightly at the skin of her inner thigh, laughing softly as he heard her pulse jump. “Can’t do anything if I don’t know what you want from me.”
She chewed her lip and he half-expected her to blush again, but what happened was the complete opposite.
Her hands slid down her stomach, towards her lacy underwear – the ones she wore when she thought she’d see him (he noticed). She pulled the crotch to the side, exposing her glistening lips to him, parted, beckoning him closer.
“Make a mess of me,” she breathed, slowly swiping a finger upwards towards her clit, before circling it languidly.
Fuck.
He gripped her hips and tugged her forward, face fitting snugly between her thick thighs. The second he dragged his tongue through her folds, settling on working her clit, a strained whine escaped her lips.
“Mason – oh, fuck –” her breath quickened, her hips bucking slowly like she was trying to ride his face from her position on the counter.
He flicked his tongue against her with fervor, taking note of her short breaths.
“I’m close – please –”
Before she could chase her release, he kissed her inner thigh again, suckling her skin lightly, grinning as she let out a frustrated huff.
“You’re really gonna tease me like that?” Her voice was hoarse. They’d barely begun and she was already disheveled.
“You’re asking me if I’m teasing you? Sweetheart, you must be joking if you think I’m gonna let you get what you want so easily,” he grinned, slowly sinking one finger into her, curling it towards him, hair raising on his neck when the moan rumbled through her chest.
“And you’re asking me to beg?” She laughed through a moan, thighs flexing as he pumped in and out of her.
A growl rolled through his body, mirroring the moan that traveled through her own, like she’d passed the torch to him.
Whatever she was doing, he wanted more of it.
“No, I’m telling you.” He tried adding a second finger, but her hand was quick, grabbing his wrist and tugging him out of her.
“And I’m telling you to keep going. Make me come,” she said confidently, while her hands quivered, giving her away.
That line alone made him want to throw her leg over his shoulder and fuck her until she forgot her own name.
But her hesitation afterwards made him think twice.
“Make me forget,” she said, quiet and unsure, her demeanor nearly deflating.
Before she could take another breath, he surged forward again, flattened tongue licking precise stripes where she wanted him most, a firm hand holding her left thigh down, the other curled under her thigh, hand splayed on her hip.
“Oh my god – fuck –”  She sighed as he expertly swirled against her clit, her hand shooting out to grip his hair.
He wasn’t a masochist by any means, but the way her fingers were tangled in his hair, roughly guiding his face like she wanted – he didn’t mind the pain.
Squatting so that he could get a better view, he watched her expression contort with each stroke of his tongue.
He liked her like this, too. Deep in concentration, brows furrowed, gaze set. Loud.
Her mouth was prettiest when it stretched around his name. The drawn out “m” sound when she got lost in his touch, barely able to finish her thought, drove him wild.
But none of that changed her eyes – through her climax, she looked at him like he was it for her.
The twinge in his chest told him all he needed to know.
It wasn’t just a self indulgent fuck. He was doing what he did best to help her feel better.
He still had no clue what about Sofía drew him to her. But he wasn’t gonna deny there was some pull.
As her legs shook beneath him, and he tugged her over his shoulder to lug her to the bedroom, he shoved another realization to the side.
Yeah, the chase excited him, but Sofía’d already hunted, sinking her trap into him innocently – like she didn’t even realize she was doing it, despite clearly vying for a place in his life more than he ever tried with her.
He’d let her catch him. Just this once.
––––
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thethirdwheel404 · 4 years
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Med Rewatch Series (#2)
\haha yeah I was totally planning on sleeping but I literally cannot think about anything else other than getting this idea out of my brain. so, we will try to get through the finale of s2: Love Hurts. please enjoy.
-okay so right off the bat before even starting the episode, i noted a few things. the episode description is “Robin experiences complications and a new face arrives at the hospital.” How fucking annoying that it’s the season finale and the entire episode is centered around connor? of course, at this point we don’t know that the ‘new face’ is his future love interest.
-also!!! the fact that ava is mentioned in the episode description of the season finale? That’s huge!
-the episode description makes it sound like nothing fucking happens in this episode.
-also i am extremely scared to start the ep bc i feel like it is going to through me straight back into the deep end and put me in a state of emotional shock.
-i will try to take very deep breaths before the episode starts. okay. here we go.
-does this episode open with robin being carted in on the ambo bc if this is the ep im thinking about, i remember appreciating how angsty this scene was
-i still remember charles yelling ‘2 of adavan!’
-okay hi sarah i really was not expecting to see you this soon
-oh wow. just. sarah calling shots in the ed. in control. you love to see it. also. im just now remembering how early in the ep we get to meet ava. i always remembered it as being at the very end but. i remember connor being distraught with his messy hair.
-also i’m highkey loving how out-of-control connor is rn
-reese. god i missed you so much.
-they counted again. love that.
-okay but like i have no analysis just every time sarah’s onscreen i just want to say ‘i love you’
- i have not heard sarah speak in a HOT SEC and god i forgot how deep her voice was and it is sending me (its not even that deep i just like, forgot.) It has been years and I honestly think i have forgotten who sarah really was. sad.
-like i don’t remember the last time i could describe her as in control but right now treating robin she’s calm (honestly bc she’s the only other shrink on the show, but HOLD ON WAIT DOESNT CHARLES GET SHOT AT THE END OF THIS EPISODE WHAT THE FUCK. reese has one moment. and then her and charles start bickering. i remember why i was so mad)
-i’m in love with her.
-i really have to sit through the next 40 mins of this and just everytime i see sarah going ‘i love her,’ and now you do too.
-oh my god CHARLES SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU CANNOT BLAME CONNOR FOR THIS
-also the reason i became disillusioned: dr charles just started being suuuuuper sus.
-i do love sarah. and honestly, connor, not my favorite, but this storyline really made me empathize with him. his girlfriend is having a psychotic break and people keep shitting on him. (maybe the reason i didn’t like ava at first. really kicked him while he was down)
-I... haha. sarah. hnghhh. you can guess the rest.
-if you were in this situation, with robin, would you be thinking like connor or would you be thinking like charles? personally- connor. Robin was fine. maybe a little impulsive to take her home, but charles was being suuuper overprotective (from what I remember).
-Charles: “This is on you. You did this.” I remember that line hitting really hard when I watched it the first time lmao damn.
-SARAH. HER EYES ARE RED. SHE’S SAD. SHE’S CRYING! COME ONNNN MEDDD YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME!!! (and I swallowed my water the wrong way which somehow triggered my gag reflex so now im crying too please god stop Im sorry what did I do)
-yay sarah. hey guys look at that. sarah gets to, like, do her job.
-ALSO I JUST REALIZED THAT S3 STILL SUCKS FOR SARAH BC OF HER INTENSE INTENSE PTSD??? LIKE SHE WHOLE ASS PEPPERSPRAYS HER PATIENT???
-also these are the clothes charles got shot in and honestly i’m not even mad. I’m mad that him getting shot put sarah through so much pain (i talked a lot about ava but y’all are really gonna see just how protective i am of sarah. like god even I forgot.)
-you can see how much sarah cares about connor. which is like, fantastically crazy. (it fuels the rheese shippers which is why i tend to be against it) but just like, that’s just how sarah is. she cares so much. she’s not even close to connor, but you can see how much she cares. this is why its so unfair for sarah to work in psych. like, she’s way too soft for that come on man. (y’all remember the huge car crash episode and at the end she tells ethan that it was nice to be back in the ed bc you can fix people’s bodies but not their minds? 1) she was adorable in that. 2) i am so scared for her. she just cares too much)
-okay but the above bullet is probably the exact reason why people ended up shipping ava and sarah. they both are characters who care way more than they let on. sarah is the only one in the hospital who would probably give ava a second chance after an icy first encounter. That being said, being realistic? ava is probably the only one who would she the bullshit that sarah has to go through everyday, so she would never have the icy first encounter. which in turn sets sarah’s empathy bells off or whatever.
-honestly? ava is a mean to people because she thinks they deserve it. that’s it. she’s not a bitch or anything like that (and yeah, ava stans do a little bit of overlooking her behavior bc hey if a careless med student bumps into her while passing by, thats on them). (and of course, in this world and in reesker minds, sarah has never done anything wrong, ever.)
-look guys, i did it. i boiled reesker down to its bare essentials! (lmao tho literally walking through it again from almost a totally fresh perspective, it is still so easy to see how they would have been great together.)
-also. uh. not to pile on the reesker but. ----- connor just got paged by latham. is-is it happening?
-refusing to go home and sleep because the person you care most about is lying in a hospital bed is such classic angst oh my god
-wtf? charles has meds i completely forgot? for his heart? when is he gonna get shot the suspense is killing me.
-ALSO. YOU ARE TELLING ME. THAT S3 SARAH HAD TO DEAL WITH PTSD AND A POSSIBLE PATIENT LAWSUIT. AT THE SAME TIME HER FATHER WAS BEING SUSPECTED OF MURDER, AT THE SAME TIME HE TRIED TO RECONNECT. it is a fucking crime that that is the season we have to rewatch. its a crime they abused her so much.
-waiting for charles to keel over and die like
-the worst thing is that like, he actually cares. he actually truly cares about sarah, he just did a lot of bad things. so sarah has to justify them all! and sarah had no idea how to feel because now she’s disillusioned again. please chill
-lmao stoll wow 
-oh. soft sweet boy noah. he really doesn’t know better, and that’s almost the worst thing.
-also. dr. shore. that’s really all i have to say about that.
-ohhhhh my god nat fucking chill
-what is it with couples on mad and not being allowed to be happy. (this could be about reesker if you, like, reallyyyy squint)
-aw! hey, look! it’s jay! he’s nice to look at too. ooh i also forgot how deep his voice was lol
-counting
- i honestly forgot what a good source of angst this show was. this guys parents are flying in from germany to go to his graduation and then he got hit by a car??? damn
- i still forget how much i like the cop/doctor brother duo. I love it.
-GUYSSS
-GUYSSS ITS HAPPENING
-the air literally left my lungs I am not ready.
-ITS FUCKING
-oh my god
-it is 3 am and I just screamed out loud holy shit
-I FORGOT I FUCKING FORGOT. IT DOESNT HAPPEN WITH HER IN CASUAL CLOTHES. THAT IS AT THE END. I FORGOT THEY INTERACT WITH HER IN SCRUBS
- I FORGOT I FUCKING FORGOT
--holy shit she is fucking stunning. she was just allowed to be like that? in her first introduction? while connor looks like complete shit? IMAGINE THE POWER SHE HAS HOLY SHIT. THIS IS THE GREATEST POWER MOVE IVE EVER SEEN.
-uh for those of you who are confused, ava bekker has entered the scene and holy. shit. is she fucking amazing. and she hasn’t even said a word yet. all she did was turn
-H E R P O W E R
-uhhuufhuahdoas back to the analysis - latham reiterated all of the points we just discussed in the premiere, only goes to show how this was planned, from the start.
- t h e p o w e r ava has to step on the scene and instantly fuck things up. I ASPIRE
-okay let me try again to move forward. (nope. i tried to go back to the tab and just. the expression on her face. guys. i cannot express the emotions. we will press on)
-deep breaths
-she’s so pretty oh my god
-I-uh- okay listen. it is really, really, really hard to analyze this because i have not watched an actual scene or actually heard her talk in her very very pretty accent in two years. I, uh, i need a minute.
-i honestly cannot recall a thing she just said. (i am literally in fucking love) (i’m gonna go back and rewatch the scene and see what I pick up)
-THE----the fucking way she puts her hand back in her pocket
-GOD IM FUCKING GAY
-as for analysis - god that cheeky little smile.
-she’s blunt. is what took me about 75 words to say. this is gonna be a nightmare. (if i torture myself and make myself watch s4 and s5 then I’ll be really sad) (at this point can you imagine what would’ve happened if i had watched her death? I’m remembering exactly how crushed I was)
-OH. YEAH. IN CASE YOU FORGOT? THAT GIRL? THE SNARKY ONE? ON SCREEN RIGHT NOW? SHE’S. FUCKING. DEAD. CANONICALLY SHES DEAD. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
-like just that fact is sending me so hard. i am already so sad. I had like thirty seconds of elation. it’s not FUCKING FAIR
- i need another minute. AND SHE STILL HAS ANOTHER LINE.
-this doesn’t really pertain to the theory but the “loyal, that’s sweet” line has got to mean something. Like something to be said about how connor couldn’t commit to her in s4. (its just so fucking unfair that she’s dead but we really need to move on)
-this also means that ava isn’t entirely loyal? bc she’s looking down on connor for being loyal? I um really don’t have all the info to unpack All of that, but it should be noted.
-DID YOU CONNOR? DID YOU ENJOY WORKING TOGETHER???
-from ava stan perspective: @ connor you like made her life hell, which wasn’t your fault but still. uhh she’s the one that’s dead, you’re not, so obviously one of you enjoyed it a little more. let’s move on.
-i love her.
-haha oh man jack kelloggs back. FUCKING MERC HIS ASS (i don’t hate charles that much and this storyline gave me so much fucking anxiety throughout the ep)
-god jack kelloggs such an asshole
-OKAY BRUH ETHAN AND APRIL HAVE A THING THIS SEASON? jesus this show really moves
-there are a lot of things I could complain about.
-will: “Why’d she do that? Cut her hair. A woman makes a change like that, it’s a big deal.” S4 AVA WHAT DOES IT MEAN
-i can’t believe its the season finale and they have enough time for will to ask maggie why nat cut her hair. this show is the reason I have anxiety. charles is about to get shot and what are you doing
-oh. oh wow. noah and sarah bickering/noah flirting. it’s like, adorable. which i don’t think is really fair. just, sarah’s the best
-I- uh- can’t believe that was the first time I watched an ava scene in years? that was a really big step for me?? god wow.
-god remember how sarah just like, saved robin? yall remember that? REMEMBER WHEN SARAH COULD DO THINGS? there’s a reason i hated this show.
-okay but just like the fact that charles was - content with letting his daughter be holed up in a room for the foreseeable future? when sarah had a perfectly logical answer? who is he trying to undermine here? (and that is why i hate charles)
-sharon: “where’s the daniel who doesn’t give up? doesn’t your own daughter deserve that much?” kind of a reach but if charles really cares about sarah as much as he does, and sharon knows this, the double meaning here is almost impeccable.
-oh hey guys! ava’s back!
-okay this is like super nitpicky but at this point it feels like norma didn’t have the accent down packed and its a little exaggerated and awkward at times but, come on, still love her.
-Ava: “excuse me, you’re an emergency medicine resident, why are we even talking” AVA BEKKER REALLY TAKES NO SURVIVORS (the writers just really weren’t banking on the fans being that attracted to ava) (like i forgot how blunt she was and holy shit. wow. i kinda see where the haters were coming from. its amazing to see how we clawed her back tho [by we i mean the lesbians])
-analytical. That’s what ava is. It’s almost like that thing where people purposefully say something outlandish just to gauge people’s reaction. she doesn’t argue with connor, at least not now. she just looks between him and ethan, sees she’s outnumbered, and walks off. She doesn’t know how the place works yet. she’s testing the waters. - this could be why she slowly gets more and more confrontational as the series progresses. she sees that no matter what, everyone will be on connor’s side. she doesn’t fight a losing battle. but when you’re constantly losing, its frustration. (reminder, these things only hold true in s3. s4 doesn’t exist)
-I’m fucking?? where the hell did jeff go?
-also, oh, this is maggie’s storyline. the guy dies right but he wanted to propose to the girl? wait no that doesn’t seem right...
-yooo its the girl in the gorilla costume. certified iconic. also how the hell did they have enough time for all this crap in the finale. this show fucking moves.
-for like a split second i forgot that noah and april were siblings
-noah’s a sweetie
-oh hey look it’s ava
-knock knock. who’s there? oh boy, point one for ava stans, she’s right about the surgery (potential evidence showing how this is the first scene of connor not being shit/actually being out or equally matched)
-OKAY WOW SARAH GO OFF (she’’s just fantastic i mean look at her. she’s adorable)
-ava: “Why do all the residents in this hospital think they can offer their opinions?” DR BEKKER PLEASE (okay but like i said last ep i had the exact same question. go off ava)
-connor just took control of the case (first instance of ava outright saying ‘i disagree’) (and let me guess, he’s gonna be right in the end because he literally fucking always is)
-if you look at it from a different perspective, ava was necessary. they needed someone to put connor in his place. at least, she tried. (very disappointing that she also had to sleep with him but that’s not the current point) if they wanted to fix his problem of coming off as spoiled, ava gave him a force to fight against, to earn his stars. they could’ve done it better, and actually had him lose a few times. because what does constantly letting connor win do? it undermines ava, it also undermines his attending. his attending who he is constantly having to stick up for. dude. hero complex chill. ava never had a hero complex. which cannot be said for a lot of the people on the show (IF YOU EVEN TRY TO ARGUE THIS POINT IS WRONG I POINT YOU TO THE EPISODE WHERE AVA PUSHED THE CREDIT FOR THE SURGERY ONTO CONNOR WHEN A FAMILY MEMBER WAS HUGGING HER) they did it wrong. they tried to, idk, fix connor by giving him humility, but they kind of completely forgot the humility part. and the part where he learns things. HE EVEN HAS TO STAND UP FOR AVA TO HER OWN MENTOR. LITERALLY? DUDE? FUCKING. CHILL.
-okay but that’s what it is though. ava was always meant to be the villain. because she was always a counter for connor. and connor is the hero. (you may be thinking this goes against my theory because I’m fighting for ava rights, but my actual theory is that ava was never supposed to stay past s3. the only reason she stayed was because she became a fan favorite. she was supposed to take connor’s mayo clinic offer. and you know how it probably would have happened? Connor probably would have gave her the offer. letting him be the hero one last time. [of course, this isn’t what happened. we all know.])
-OKAY FUCK THIS RESIDENT? “good call, Dr. Rhodes” SHUT THE FUCK UP??? (resident speaking rights revoked)
-I have nothing for this but just want to point out how she looks around and says “yes” all contemplative. god if i could just think about what she was thinking
-jack bro stop
-okay. was there ever an active shooter in the hospital when ava was around. bc if there was. i legally need to know
-lmao stoll
-sarah... makes me smile.
-fun fact: we are at about the half way mark. I am so sorry.
-no no no nono. so, robin just got diagnosed and is getting prepped for surgery. Sarah. don’t give charles credit for solving it. stop.
-Hey! yall remember how the best characters on the show only got thirty seconds of onscreen time together? yeah! I’m still mad about it too!
-aww connor being worried. (i think im fine with connor as long as like, ava is no where near. this scene is just very pure)
-when is this guy gonna get shot already
-aww he loves her. i want to kill him. (why? playboy. gets feelings way too quick. stop him. keep him away from ava)
-HAHAHAH okay. robin just got put into surgery and latham and ava are performing it (is it a brain surgery? yes. are they ct surgeons? yes. don’t ask questions) BUT you can see this emotion on ava’s face. she feels sorry for him. it’s up for us to decide if its condescending or she just feels bad for or bc she is on a surgery he wanted, but for the sake of opinion, i’m inclined to say she just felt bad for him (cough empathy cough)
-literally everytime charles is on screen im like when is he gonna get shot
-this scene where both connor and charles admit they were wrong is very nice (hey actually look, connor does have humility! not in front of ava tho so hmm) (sexual tens- literally no, shut the fuck up)
-HAHA HOLY SHIT I FORGOT CONNORS MOM KILLED HERSELF?? HOLY SHIT? THIS FUCKING GUY LITERALLY CANT CATCH A BREAK (maybe take a hint bro? and go far far away? well he did. too little too late ig)
-connor: “i obviously couldn’t save my mom, but I sure as hell didn’t try to save robin” *through cupped hands* HEY! HEY CONNOR! D-DID YOU TRY? WITH AVA? DID YOU TRY? okay literally what is it with this guy and people dying. for such a good surgeon... oh yeah, irony.
-hi sarah! how nice of you to check in with connor and charles about robin!
-sarah: *looks between charles and connor, who have probably agreed on something for the first time since connor got with robin* “everything okay?” literally she’s so sweet my heart.
- sarah: *laughs in disbelief* SARAH STOP MY HEART IS ALREADY FULL
-this man needs to button the top button of his shirt, i do not like that i can see it
-I------ HOLY SHIT?
-WHY DID NO ONE FUCKING WARN ME THAT JOEY WAS STILL ON THE SHOW???
-FUCKING EXCUSE ME???
- the air left lungs on that one again, i was Not expecting that.
-HOLD THE FUCK ON. I JUST WENT OF HIS WIKI AND HE APPEARS IN S4??? FUCKING WHAT??? SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT HE FUCKING DID AND IF IT WAS IMPORTANT
-sarah reese is such a fucking dork she got her boyfriend a rubik’s cube as a gift?? a guy who is so nerdy that he definetly already has like five of them. hmm. things don’t add up. also he’s nerdy enough to give back a gift at the breakup. dude seriously. get some social cues. in like the bargin bin at goodwill. please.
-IF SARAH FUCKING CRIES I SWEAR TO GOD
-oh yeah she’s pregnant. that’s how the story ends.
-okay. natalie comes off as empathetic but like, in the most condescending way.
-like its fucking obvious she’s only ever caring about herself (ava bekker would never. sarah reese would never. get your head out of your ass) (ok wow that aggression came from nowhere lmao)
- i really wanna say something about - Connor: “We all know that love can hurt, but loneliness? that’ll kill you.” have fun with that fic writers. (insert obvious connection to loneliness killing ava? have we had enough? this doesn’t pertain to the theory)
-jesus will at this point stop hesitating at the ‘if we’re wrong, it could kill him’ stage. we all know you don’t care
-how funny would it be if the family just like, disowned that girl
-this will nat and co. love triangle is already so fucking exhausting
-JAY REALLY SAID WILL I AM TAKING NONE OF YOUR BS
-is he really about to break up with her. right now. i swear to fucking god
-this is so fucking stupid (what i would pay for ava to hand him his ass right here right now) (that’s a hc idea right there)
-FUCKING LEAVE ALREADY WILLIAM
-sarah and noah stay adorable
-aww stolllll, my heart
-lmao i forgot the girl who played robin was on once upon a time and i was like ‘ive seen her recently what was it’
-FINALLY HES GONNA FUCKING GET SHOT! HELL YES!
-charles looks high as balls
-the queen returns. she’s back
-IM GONNA FUCKING JUMP OFF A CLIFF
-okay. from the previous ep i mentioned ava’s line being something like ‘you’re quite the gossip magnet, your mother commited suicide, drove your girlfriend crazy, and you murdered your attending.” right?  we all remember that?
-well lads, do we remember connor’s response?
-connor: “...Well you’d better watch yourself, hadn’t you?”
-...
- I-
-hahahah this is not okay.
-AND GOD. JUST THE WAY AVA TAKES IT AND JUST SMILES, ACCEPTING THE CHALLENGE. holy shit. this fucking breaks my heart.
-i like almost can’t even appreciate the easy ending of noah’s grad party.
-oh yeah charles still hasn’t gotten shot.
-god sarah is still adorable. the way she finally relaxes FOR ONCE and lets herself have fun. fun fact: this may be the last time we see sarah just easily enjoying herself. also maybe the first.
- i am officially starting the save ava campaign, anyone who wants to join can. the goal is pretty simple. save ava. save our hearts.
-oh my god is he finally going to get shot?? like what dude come on
Okay. another episode down, the first full one, and what have we learned?
Well, this was Ava’s first episode and we learned how it seems she was doomed from the start. It makes no sense, even just her writing is disconnected from s2 to s3, like how do they do that? This ava lines up so well with s4 ava it’s almost uncanny. if you completely cut out s3 her character arc would make complete sense, in a frighteningly tidy way.
Like I said at the top, the fact that Ava was referenced in the episode description of the season finale is huge. It means she is a big character, ground shaking, almost. I really don’t know why they had to make this introduction at the end of s2 and not the beginning of s3, other than making it fit with the three month time jump that i’m pretty sure starts the season.
The way I see it, Ava had 4 main interactions/points. 1) She called connor loyal (and was blunt about Latham) 2) She remarks that residents shouldn’t have speaking rights (that one’s just funny) and disagrees with connor on the surgery, which they go with connor’s decision because of course they do. granted they switch to her plan midway through) 3) connor takes over her surgery after they disagree on whether or not the patient can be saved. Connor is right. and 4) we have the final ‘I like dangerous men’ interaction.
Let’s focus on the train of Ava vs. Connor disagreements. If we go by my previous statement which was Ava was designed as the villain to Connor’s hero, so the hero could win the favor of the public by defeating the villain, the trajectory of their interactions is not surprising in the slightest.
First, Connor wins the first point bc they initial go with his plan. Then, mid surgery, they have to switch to Ava’s plan, because she was right. This obviously pisses him off, that he was wrong and she was right.  His crown had been knocked askew. But then, he wrestles it back. They disagree on whether or not the patient can be saved, connor takes complete control, and he actually ends up saving him.
It’s interesting that the final disagreement came at the sake of a patient’s life. Ava was quick to dismiss the heart as gone, but Connor fought for it, being the hero. It’s easy to shut Ava down right then and there, call her heartless and call it a day.
if s4 had come immedietely (i have no clue how to spell that) after, it would be completely in character for ava to be a psychopath from what little we’ve seen. And honestly, no one would care. The villain would get her due justice.
Let’s switch gears to the conspiracy theory, or the redemption arc. whichever sounds cooler.
A hero is only as good as their villain. That’s really my argument. At this point, yeah, s4 seems like it was planned, just based on s2.
Okay, so, what? Is that another layer of the theory that I’m adding? that the connor/ava plot of s4 was ACTUALLY supposed to be in s3? I... no. we’ve established that is is very rare for the med writers to plan storylines that far ahead. so what am I saying?
I think that the s4 plot was actually a scrapped plot potentially to be used in s3. and when they were left floundering at the end of s3 for an answer? they retreated. sacrificing character development in the process.
So what the hell happened in s3? A horrible fluke? why was it so different?
in s3 ava became more of a rival and less of a villain. while those words can have very similar meanings, the bulk of it is that neither of them really wanted to be that mean each other, they never went out of their way to stomp on the other (at least that I’m aware of). they just were always forced to work together, naturally leading to friction.
This shift meant all the difference. Connor no longer had to beat Ava. it wasn’t required. as a result, ava was very very slowly allowed to interact with people other than connor. she was allowed to slightly develop.
Why the shift? well, the conspiracy theory suggests it’s because they wanted someone who could follow up connor if he left at the end. IF they were true rivals, each of them should be able to hold their own without each other.
okay yeah, i managed to get like 4k words out of like 5 minutes a screen time and 8 lines. jesus christ.still didnt do my hw tho
next we watch the premiere of s3 and see what happens. thanks for reading
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read the next parts:
Part 1 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra
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