#and my last memory of writing papers is reallllly terrible (senior year end of semester covid and being at home fucked me over) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

girlscience · 4 months

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Well, I went from 970 words to 1203 words and the order is better and a lot of editing was done (went up to ~1500 words for a bit and edited back down), but wow I can't focus for shit. This paper is still definitely not the quality it needs to be and for trying to work on it for about 9 hours today and only ending up here, I am honestly super disappointed with myself. I have never been the fastest writer, but this is abysmal. I will not make it through grad school if I can't write papers.

#I apparently have very little ability to make myself write without a lot of external pressure #because even though I have a deadline for this.... if I don't do it nobody but me will really care #I have to be doing it for myself and my life #and apparently that's not sufficient motivation to get past how much I don't like writing #which is DUMB #I write on here all the time. I write huge dissertation type messages about stories I like #I write whole documents on worldbuilding that I'm doing #I also think I'm very much out of practice with writing unfortunately #and my last memory of writing papers is reallllly terrible (senior year end of semester covid and being at home fucked me over)#and I think all of that is compounding on top the fact my attention span is smaller than it used to be #and so it's like trying to herd cats just to type a fucking comprehensible paragraph #I know I spent probably 7 of my 9 hours on the computer today on youtube or tumblr #and I probably spent 1 hour just staring at the document #I just want my brain to WORK #I don't know how to make it WORK #productivity hacks really don't help much... I am think I need to try the boredom one more though #that was definitely what got me to make calls and write emails the past couple weeks #maybe I can make it work for this. I just have to get up the discipline to not get on another website #the hack is basically 'if I won't do this thing I need to do I just have to sit here till the boredom is so strong I'll do anything'#so you can't get on another website or clean or listen to music or anything #just sit until your brain is screaming that it will do ANYTHING to not be bored #and so it forces you to do the thing because at least that's doing SOMETHING #but it does mean I have to be strong enough to not do anything else #which has mixed results. but it has worked a little bit so I guess we'll try that this week more

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