#and no i don't think things will get anywhere better for minorities in the united states where its headed even with a dem in the white hous

[zanathan-aisling]

rewatched paranoia agent by proxy (reaction youtube), feeling emotionally akin to warm yet raw eggs again. great.

[lady-harrowhark]

currently sitting in the workroom crying and trembling with relief.

my program just sent out the list of practicum placement sites for next year. my former supervisor isn't listed anywhere. she won't be formally supervising any more of our students. she won't be abusing any more of our students.

i haven't had the emotional energy to talk much about the more recent updates, but here's the recap (i am really only scratching the surface here) for anyone who's been following along and/or who is interested:

last year, i was in a clinical practicum site at a hospital with a supervisor who is completely incompetent (and i believe actively harmful to patients) and abusive to students. she's been awful for years prior, but it ramped up with me (i came in with a lot more experience than the previous students and her behavior is a very transparent inferiority thing). even after they met with the site director to address issues, it finally got so bad that in april, my program pulled me from the placement early (it's meant to go a full year until june) which they've never had to do before, as far as my program director is aware. because our students are funded through our placements, the program was thankfully able to come up with funds for me for the last two-ish months.

i'm co-advised by two faculty members, one of whom was technically my primary advisor. he is also the practicum coordinator. this particular site is very important to him specifically because it's the only site (and even the only possible site in our city) for clinical experience in the somewhat niche area of our field that he and his students (including me) are in. which he trots out as a recruitment tool to potentials students and applicants, all while knowing what's been going on there. which is to say, there is a huge conflict of interest.

and this year, after all that, they still assigned a student to that site/supervisor. to literally no one's surprise, it has continued to be awful. i ended up going over my one advisor's head (with the support of my other advisor and program director) to lodge a formal letter of concern with proposed policy changes to the practicum system to better protect students that went out to the entire faculty. i'm sure it didn't look good for my advisor, and he's been ignoring me since. they agreed to implement a few of my most minor, low effort recommendations.

the hospital has another branch in a city about an hour away, and they recently announced that the unit this practicum placement is in is all going to be housed in the other city starting this summer. and the placement memo says that next year's student will be working there, under that supervisor, not the one i had. there are two other placement roles with that hospital, but one now lists someone else's name as the supervisor (will still be at the original location because it works with a different population/unit but previously had the same supervisor as i had), and the other says it will split time between the two locations and does not have a supervisor listed.

i've spent nearly two years of my life fighting back against this placement and this site. at first it was just trying to make it through each day there while trying to compensate and make sure patients didn't suffer for her incompetence and bitterness, trying to prevent anyone else from having to go through that after me, trying to recover and get back on track after leaving, and burning bridges with my advisor with my efforts to keep any future students out of there. if it were up to me, that supervisor would have her license revoked. infuriatingly, the statutory codes are written in such a specific way that i don't have anything to bring against her that would stick, but believe me, i've investigated the possibility.

i think i deserve a nap now that that weight is off.

[what-if-nct]

Idk if I should even do this because I'm... Really on the fence about saying this (and tbh I'm scared) but I personally believe it's not right to think that Canada is some anti-racist utopia and therefore, Canadians or people who grew up in Canada should know better. One of our main problems is that racism is swept to the side because "we're so diverse, we can't possibly be racist!" So we don't talk about it, we don't speak up when something is wrong. A lot of Canadians are immigrants so we're expected to blend in and laugh off any racist remarks thrown at us. It's only recently become a more prominent issue that we're looking at through a microscope. And it's only over the past few years where there is more pushback against racism.

So yes, of course we should "know better" but I'll be the first one to admit that I've only recently become more aware and careful of what I say. Yes, it makes sense that if you grew up in a less homogenous society, you should know better than to make racist and colourist comments at/about someone but that doesn't always happen. Sometimes, we just need to keep each other accountable in a respectful manner.

This is not me defending Mark because I obviously love the guy and I don't think it was in good taste to piggyback off of Baekhyun's comments. And while I do think there was something lost in translation, it would've been better to just change the subject like Kai did. I just think it's important to point out that being from Canada doesn't make you any more aware.

I think my point got lost somewhere... But yeah, I just wanted to say that about Canada as a whole. I love my country but while our issues might not be as prominent as in other parts of the world, racism still happens here. On top of that, East Asians are perceived as the "model minority" and that has driven a wedge between us and other POC. So yes, we do need to do better and speak against racism so there is more pushback, so people know that jokes shouldn't be laughed off whether they're good intentioned or not.

I'm sorry for ranting. I just get really riled up when Canada is used as some model society. I'm sure anon was just using Canada as an example because it fits the setting with Mark being Canadian, this is a topic in really passionate about, clearly 🙃

   Oh it’s no problem, rant anytime you wish. Yeah, I don’t think anywhere really has this perfect politically correct society, all countries has it’s issues with racism, colorism and anti-blackness. And even though Canada does seem to have it more together then America, a lot of countries have it more together then America, it’s a mess over here. And even though each country is very diverse Canada’s not that much different regarding race especially the treatment of indigenous people of each country.

    Also Mark hasn’t lived in Canada for a really long time so he’s probably not as “woke” as I’d like to believe Johnny to be. To be honest I do unfairly hold Johnny to high expectations, same with Jae from Day6 only because they seem the most involved and aware to what’s going on. And so far I haven’t been disappointed in them and I hope it’ll stay like that. The whole thing with teaching Chenle slang to speak to steph curry was more embarrassing for them, like who’s going to tell them no one talks like that. Like chill. Also I was more annoyed watching it cause a video showed even worse examples of idols trying to “talk black” I just got heated so I was already irritated and triggered going into the video. 

    And I think it can go both ways cause a lot of other POC can be less Anti- Asian as well and  speak up when we see friends and family say something derogatory towards Asian people. Especially right now with how Covid is framed as coming from China, which I doubt I don’t trust the news, it probably originated somewhere else and they needed a scapegoat. Sorry I just genuinely believe China is just being used as a scapegoat for it. Anyway I think when all people of color can really come together as a single unit and fight together instead of what ever the hell is going on now then we’ll see even more change.