#and one of the things he said was how he isn't against trans people infact Marsha P. Johnson was his biggest fashion influence hence the

[lunityviruz]

Uhhh the funniest fucking gag on tiktok is when Cooper Neidecker uploads a video talking about ANYTHING and a nigga stitches it with a Marsha P. Johnson joke

[nathank77]

8/10/24

9:48 a.m

I was not the anon but I saw an anon on someone else's profile. Some of what he said really stood out to me.

'Appealing to cis people only gets you so far youre still always, "one of the transgenders."'

I once convinced myself I was cis gendered. I mean I identify more with male than transguy. I usually select male on gender, male on gender identity and non disclosed on sex. I think internal transphobia is much to blame on that and fear of what people will think or do to you.

Over the last year I've embraced my trans identity much more than I had even at the beginning. I'm sorta out. I wouldn't want to come out to my new family if I get a girlfriend bc of what they would think about me..

Often people had made assumptions about me bc they knew I was trans, like," oh so that's why he doesn't know how to cook on a grill. " or, "oh so that's why he isn't handy." Or, "now that I know I can kinda see it."- that's the most disgusting one. The one that makes me not want to tell people.

I am both out and inside the closet all at the same time. I kinda like having one leg out of the closet and the rest of my body in the closet. Why?

My family and all my old friends and everyone I grew up with will always know my dead name and that I wasn't born male. And the more people I tell the more people who will look for reasons why it's obv I wasn't born Cis gendered besides for the obv like my scars.

Beyond that though referencing this anon, I know that having friends who don't know could result in me finding out after a significant time in a relationship to only find out that they are transphobic and very against my entire identity.

I found that out with an online gamer friend who I had spent countless hours playing with. I brought up trans people and how they aren't freaks, and he said, "well umm they kinda are."

I wasted years playing with that guy. Years..

Then I think about John and how he only called trans people,"they," even when their only pronoun was he or she, I made it a big deal bc he didn't know i was trans. And I almost cut him off over it.

They is only acceptable if they want to be called they... I came out to him under the radar. I didn't tell him but I posted on my fb about it. Before that he since resolved the they them issue but if he did it again I'd disappear on him.

When you pretend you're cis you find out a lot of people are fucking nasty and talk to you very differently when they think you're cis too. Their whole jiggle changes when they know you're trans too. And that is both good and bad. Bad cause you wonder when you're out, are people just placating you bc they don't want to disrespect you outright (are they talking behind your back, "oh I can tell bc his smile is feminine.") Bc that's the worst part about being out. People compare you and pick out all the reason you're not really a guy.

Or you live under the Rader and find out half the people who you're friends with that don't know are actually transphobic. It's happened to me a million times and it makes me feel like I wasted every minute with those people.

Being trans is both beautiful and really sad. It's beautiful bc you get to be authentically you and ascende much adversity to get there but sad for 2 reasons:

1) you don't get to have a past- no baby pictures, no childhood photos, you missed out on half your life pretending to be someone you're not to appease everyone around you. All your old things have your birth name scribbled on it and you feel disconnected from your past. You scowl at your old photos and the way you used to look.

2) the worse of it is chosing, should I be out and know that the majority of people are shitty and will always see me as half a man. Or should I live under the radar and be as authentically me as I can and find out that half the people i meet at least will speak candidly to me and reveal they are monsters and I have infact wasted years of my life thinking they were a good person?

It's a battle I've been dealing with for a long time. I lived under the radar for a long time. And saw the ugliness of people.

Then I outed myself and also see the ugliness of people.

What's more ugly? Idk. I think it's that people are shitty and most aren't worth knowing...

I also think that even with the kindest of individuals who are cis are still looking for, "oh wait now I can see he wasn't born male.".....It's disgusting how candid people will be with you when they don't know you're trans bc they assume even if you're liberal or trans friendly they aren't hurting you.

I actually think it's more disgusting and more demoralizing to know everyone is thinking, yea his smile is kinda feminine....

I haven't figured out the right way to live....I feel as though I am more true to myself being in the closet. Only cause then Nathan is the only person people care about. They don't go looking for remnants of someone else who never existed.