#and people who DO ship polin never have anything good to say about him either

[dollypopup]

no but like. . .it really is just so fucking depressing. it's *so* fucking depressing walking into the tags and the archives and seeing post and after post and narrative after narrative of the same damn Pen stan power fantasy of Colin on hands and knees for forgiveness. of how stupid he is. of how we want other people to swoop in for Penelope.

I love this character. That feels like a rarity in this fandom, but fuck it, I do. I love him. I love Colin. I love Colin's recklessness and his silliness and his honor and his hero complex. I love that he doesn't say the right thing and that he's all but howling for someone to hear him. I love how he makes friends with all the unconventional people and I love how he doesn't subscribe to the same narrative as all the other couples. I love him for all he is. For his mess ups and his triumphs.

And forget what the show will have happen, but what is *wrong* with us, that we can't muster up ANY empathy for him at all? Don't you remember being 20 and with no idea what you'll do with your life? Don't you remember being young and aimless and unsure? Are you always perfect with what you say? With knowing when other people are interested in you? Have you never hurt someone's feelings without meaning to? Have you never said something about someone behind their back who means so much to you in a moment of poor judgement?

Don't you deserve tenderness and understanding, too? Why are we so punitive with him? I understand angst, I understand drama, but I don't know how we can be here for any period of time and not hate what we've done to him? Hate what we've done to *them*?

Is anyone listening? Is anyone there?

Do you know? Do you even *understand* how shitty it is? To pour so much love into this couple and see nothing but us hating on him? To have him as a favorite and see people calling him stupid, useless, hoping other people make him feel like shit? Nowhere is safe for us. Even his own SHIP isn't safe for us. It's just wanting him to grovel and be humiliated and jealous and sad. Where's her pride in him? Their support for each other? Where's the encouragement? The tenderness? Why have we taken their love story, that was meant to be about being messy, making mistakes, and being loved regardless, through it all, and turned it into a 'You have to suffer to deserve love' narrative, instead? Into having to be on hands and knees begging for care? Why is it everywhere? Why is there nowhere to go that isn't permeated with it? And why are WE the weirdos for loving him? Why are we the ones who need to suck it up and shut up? Why are we the ones getting bullied by other members of our ship? IT'S HIS SHIP.

What have we turned them into?

Colin is one of the best love leads in the entire series. THE best male love lead. No, I will not change my mind. And yes, I wholeheartedly believe it. Because I LOVE this couple. I love this couple so damn much. And every time I walk into these archives, I feel like some weirdo because everyone is salivating over the same Puritanical 'MAKE HIM SUFFER' shit and there's NOWHERE to go. There is never anywhere to go.

Why don't we love him more? Colin is fantastic. And doesn't Penelope deserve a fantastic partner? Doesn't Colin deserve a partner who strives to understand him?

Is the shape of our ultimate love story really one that's drawn facedown in the dirt?