#and purposely trying to trigger me/my sister/anyone who u feel like making fun of

[babydarkstar]

fucking hate when parents do something they know will upset me and then laugh about me getting upset and then get angry when i dont have the quiet little ‘look the other way’ that they want

[insporaelynn]

📲 raelynn & cillian

WHEN: february 16th

DESCRIPTION: rae and cil talk about heavy shit and then make plans to go to a literal painting class with jude in tow. 

TRIGGER WARNINGS: sex mention, drug mention, honestly if cil is involved there’s some warnings. TW: KILLAIN KELLY

@cilliankelly

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

Claudia reached out to me. To apologize, and well, I don't know if she's spoken to you but she let me know that she's a week clean. Hope it sticks.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i've talked to her, yeah...

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

I didn't like. Outright give her my forgiveness, but I told her she can earn it. So. That's a step in the right direction?

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

you're more open to the idea than jude is.

he wants to cut her out entirely this time.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

I mean, if that's what's going to be healthy for him, I support it.

For me, idk, I feel bad about not taking into account that she has a disease. She didn't choose this.

And I guess. I don't know. I want to give her a chance to do good for herself. If she fucks up again though...I'm bowing out. You can't help someone who doesn't want it.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i feel the same. i mean, she's my friend you know? but it's... it's complicated.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

You have to do what's going to be safe and healthy for you.

Whatever that looks like.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

it's not really about me. it's jude.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

Yeah, but she kind of wreaked havoc on both of your lives, you know? It affected you, too.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

it did, i know... but i mean... i want to support her, okay? she asked me to come to an NA meeting with her and i agreed. but me being involved with claudia at all... it bothers him.

we're not talking about it right now. he said he was going to therapy this week and maybe we could talk through it then.

it's just complicated.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

That sounds like the right way to handle it. For him to, you know, talk to someone completely outside of it first.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

yeah. and i mean the whole therapy thing... if it works for him then that's great. i just... it sucks. this whole situation.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

I know. I feel for you both. I'd talk to him about it, but I don't want him to get upset about it all over again. Sometimes I feel like some shit is better left to his therapist.

He gave me the number of his therapist so that I can call and get referred to someone in my network...because I know I need some fucking help. But I haven't called yet. Idk.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

that's probably a good idea. i wouldn't mention claudia to him at all right now.

i still don't really know how i feel about the whole therapy thing. i want to believe that maybe it works but i don't know. i tried it once and that fucking failed so.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

All I know is that when I'm having sex, I'm not thinking about whatever's bugging me. So maybe I don't need it, maybe I just need to keep going out at night.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i mean that sounds better than therapy to me

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

Yeah like??? Whatever it's coping and I'm good at it.

Fuck report is gonna look dope this week.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i need an outlet. other than smashing things. though that it a helluva lot of fun

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

i mean there are those places where you can literally go there for the purpose of smashing things.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

but what's the fun in that?

controlled smashing?

fuck that

it defeats the purpose

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

i think it's only controlled in the sense that you have goggles on.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i don't want someone to give me permission to smash things, rae.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

maybe if you pay extra they'll yell at you to stop

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

that's another thing

why would i pay for something i can do for free?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

decent point.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i feel like maybe if i could make something. that would be... something. but what?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

Like something artsy?

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

it's stupid, right?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

no i don't think so at all. i actually have a few ideas i think?

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

like what?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

I know that they sometimes have these cool events where they get a group of people together to do a painting. You bring a friend and your own wine and just chill and paint, and when you're done you have art to take home with you.

I walked by one awhile ago, they were painting the building from the office.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i dunno rae...

painting??

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

It can be fun, I mean, I haven't done it in forever, but art class was always really chill? Plus, a lot of these people are amateurs and just there to drink and hang out, so our pictures won't look that bad, and even if they do, i'll give you mine to hang in your place and you can give me yours lmao

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

the drinking part doesn't sound bad. does it have to be wine? can i bring fireball instead?

also i'm only going if you can somehow convince jude to go.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

I have no idea actually? I guess you could probably fill one of my empty wine bottles with fireball. No one would notice.

omg, but you know he'd never.

not unless you really really wanted to.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

awwwwww bummer. guess that idea's shot, then.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

hey it's either that or color me mine

or pottery making without any alcohol

or adult coloring books at rae's house

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

at least with pottery i'd have something to break afterwards.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

cill NO

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

what?? it's my pot, i can do what i want with it.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

you fucking chaos human

i'll talk to J.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

even if he says yes, i'm STILL a maybe

cause we're gay, but we're not that gay.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

i'm doing you a favor!!!

how did this become about me!!

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

when you suggested PAINTING raelynn.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

WELL NOW POTTERY IS OFF THE TABLE BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU TO SMASH IT

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i will continue to do what i WANT, thank you

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

idk who u think ur talking to i am still the big sister here

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

your pottery is next on the smashing block.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

We're not doing pottery!!!!

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

fine, then your painting is next on the BONFIRE, how do you like that?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO DO ART CILLIAN

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i said i wanted to MAKE something that could be ANYTHING

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

oh my GOD

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i could be making a damn SMOOTHIE

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

DO YOU WANT TO MAKE A SMOOTHIE????

also Jude said he'll try anything twice.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

wait he actually said yes?

to the painting thing?????

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

I think so, I'm getting confirmation

I checked to see what events they have this week and apparently on Friday there's a glow in the dark type of thing?

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲BOT02/17/2021

oh my god.

i can't believe this.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

we're not bringing fireball because a little birdy told me it makes you horny.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i—

fine.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

this will be cool though!!

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

will it, raemond? will it?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

That's Mr. Raemond to you

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

fine, SIR.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

that's better.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i still can’t believe you talked jude into this. what did you say to him?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

All I said was that I think it'd be good for you, and probably for all of us bc it's been a shit storm couple of weeks. months. years.

And he knows that you'd only go if he wanted to go, too.

The kid will do anything for you. Can't wait to officiate your wedding aka the only valid wedding that will ever happen.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

oh my god. you’re the second person to say something about us getting married.

can you honestly see either of us getting married? like ever?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

i never used to think that jude would. but like, idk, i've never seen two people more right than you guys.

even when i still was like....the kind of person who fell in love, like even at my MOST in love, I was never as in love as Jude is with you.

I think maybe he always did even if he didn't know.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

don’t go all mushy on me rae, i will vomit.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

I'm not mushy I have no heart

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

fine then, don’t make ME get all mushy.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

basically love outside of the familial and platonic is a chemical con job and the validity is questionable at best, but i have never questioned the two of you, and coming from me, that's like, a certificate of authenticity.

i should make one and print it out and frame it for your anniversary

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i’ll be sure to hang it up.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

it might be more valid than a marriage license.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i do love him. more than i ever thought i could love anyone. he’s the only thing that makes sense to me, you know?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

i don't know if i know what it's like in the romantic sense, i mean, not anymore.

but in other senses, i mean, yeah.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

i don’t know what i would have done without you guys. jude especially but you too. and gran.

okay that’s enough of that. no more sap.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

i was literally about to tell you to shut up bc i'm literally out in public rn

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

oh? you are?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

just got done work, grabbing some water before I go get my stuff

okay water and a shot.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

in that case i LOVE you raemond, i don’t know what i’d do WITHOUT you, i don’t want to imagine a world that doesn’t have YOU in it, my heart is so FULL of love for YOU.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

I hat eyou and I'm going to kill you and eat you for lunch

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

I'm getting picked up in a car so I can go get piped by three dudes.

So this is everything

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

three dudes?

damn, rae.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

Living THE BEST life

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

have fun. i expect a full review later.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

If it's newsworthy I'll let ya know