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#and somehow you keep getting those messages even tho your current work is sparse on comments and reblogs
visceravalentines
·
4 months
Text
this is a post scribbled angrily in glitter pen in my diary pls ignore <3
#this is so insecure and bullshit but like
#sometimes writing fics is. no fun
#bc you feel like you can't keep up with other writers just churning out fics and they're all so good and nuanced and better than yours
#or bc you can't keep up with your own brain and all the ideas and you don't have the time to do them all justice
#or bc you just can't get a spark of a conversation with other fans to catch fire the way you want to so you're just.
#spinning wheels in your own head wishing you were better faster friendlier less alone
#and let's not forget the fucking commodification of fandom
#getting messages in your inbox only to find it's people harping for more content for a fandom on the back burner or a fic you've left behin
#i love that you love my work like that but. it makes me feel like i'm at a family reunion and my aunt is asking me about the job i had
#two jobs ago
#and somehow you keep getting those messages even tho your current work is sparse on comments and reblogs
#so you spend your slivers of free time writing something you hope is good for these characters you love only to feel like you're standing
#alone in the street hawking a mediocre finished product and everyone is walking past you disinterested
#it's fucking isolating. it's draining
#you can only write “for yourself” so much before it's not worth the time and effort
#obviously i will keep writing. but like. it's fucking frustrating. and i feel like a petulant child about it but i just can't shake it
#anyway. here's wonderwall or whatever
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