#and that shouldnt get to me because they both have physically intensive jobs

[sammyloomis]

dysphoria is awful and i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy

[dragon-age-my-beloved]

Me: "What I do with my relationships is not a burden you need to bare. It is no ones but my own. Although I love that you care about me to do it without asking, I don't wish you to invest yourself in me in a way that hurts you.

I talk with others about my social problems because I need to reflect off others that I am responding appropriately, not for them to actually go out of their way to help me. I seek understanding and emotional guidance more than physical direction. More akin to "I understand that you are upset, I would be as well. You dont deserve that/you reacted inappropriately" rather than "get rid of him/ your better off not doing this/ if you want to be happy you need to do this" But no matter what if someone is to provide me with advice I dont just throw it out, I mull over it. But I mull over it until I am ready to act on it. I have been considering getting rid of Ryan for months. And I know it is the right thing to do. But the fact of the matter is I'm not ready yet and that's a decision I need to make, not someone else's. I work at a slower pace than others when it comes to understanding. I always have. My need to understand isnt an external one, its internal. I dont need to know where the other person is coming from in negative relationships. The things I need to understand are "Once I get rid of ryan how much do I want to avoid him? How would I even go about doing it? Around how long will it take for me to feel okay? Am I emotionally stable enough to go through with this action?" And honestly losing William then directly having to deal with ryan and now how much stress I am under currently, I know if I threw things away with him right now it could be alot worse than if I waited for when I was better.

I know you arent the type to let your emotions out unless you need to. On the other side I have also never been one to pry because I see it as disrespectful. I am very upfront and forward with my emotions because I have had too many friendships end because someone wouldnt communicate with me. So I compensated by drowing them in my own feelings hoping it would encourage them to open up as well. It doesn't always work but I have honestly had difficulty finding another way to do it when I can't understand social queues.

I dont look people in the eye unless I am completly at ease or I'm in a job interview. I didnt know Nick's eye color until 11th grade despite knowing him since kindergarten, and that's only because people were talking about it. My tone of voice comes out wrong almost all the time. And with that so do my words, though I have gotten better with those in the written form. I have been told numerous times that my tone of voice is disrespectful or makes me appear to others as angry. When in reality it usually starts to happen because I'm not paying EXTREME attention to it. If it helps, I have been told that my facial expressions tend to express what I'm really trying to convey. I'm obsessive, very prone to addiction. I am either rigid or I am tapping or doing some sort of thing to make noise. I dont relax fully around people, physically or mentally.

Not often will acknowledgment of my actions lead me to being upset. If you can be upfront and say "macy, the way you said that hurt my feelings" I will 100% add it to my list of things I shouldnt do. Because the only reason I have gotten this far in life is from people telling me. I don't catch on to things. I cant read a room very well. I can't do a lot of things involving interaction properly. I can tell you I am trying to get better at it, but it's one of those things that I need told to me because I HONESTLY cannot tell. Every social interaction I'm in is a guess unless I have been through the same exact conversation a million times.

I'm not saying this to try and guilt you or anything bad like that. I just came to the realization that I don't think I ever told you about it. This has been a serious work in progress my entire life and it's not just you who has had to deal with it. I'm 99.99% sure it's the actual the reason all of my friends from high school dont speak with me anymore.

It probably isnt anything that will help my case, but this is honestly the best I have ever been with communication. And that's probably partially why it is only coming up now. I used to be a lot worse. I make people upset and can't tell. I constantly am freaking out over people because I'm scared everytime I talk to someone I'm messing up. And when I become closer with someone I start to relax around them and it becomes an issue again.

You are under no obligation to have to adhere to these issues I have. But for a good friendship with me they do need to be taken into consideration. Because it's not something that will go away once I "find myself" or whatever. There is no medication that makes this better, there is no growing out of it, it is constant hard work for me every day to make sure I'm using the "right" words or whatever else is being taken into consideration at the time. If you think it would be easier for you, you can give me signs that you are retreating or something of the like if you are comfortable disclosing that to me. It wouldn't be just you, I want to work to have a better communication style with you.

I never want my friends to feel uncomfortable or upset because of something I've done or said. I care very deeply about people. More than I have ever shown any of you. And I know it's bad of me, but I am trying really really hard to get to the point where I can genuinely express it. It took me a year and a half of being at college to actually feel like the people around me were my actual friends. And only in the past year have I truly believed that they loved me back. I have been trying to express it more since then, but it's difficult.

To express my love I try to tell people. I take photos and videos of my friends because I want them to know I want to remember them. I try to match their emotions that they are telling me about so they wont be alone in them. When my friend Wanda told me she appreciated written word I wrote her a few letters. It took a few months but me and lydia struggled with it a lot. But we are now at a great place, when she is upset I give her space until she wants to talk and then I physically comfort her. She knows when I'm upset I hate being touched and I just want to run the course of my emotions to let myself fully feel it before I'm calm. This usually includes ranting, not speaking at all about it, or just crying a lot.

For us both to feel comfortable in a friendship together you need to communicate with me. No maybe, you NEED to. Otherwise your emotions will boil over and it will all feel over whelming and there will be nothing I can do about it. I would like to work on it with you. It took a little while but me and lydia worked through much much worse than this and now she is one of my closest friends.

You told me not long ago that I was one of your best friends, and I told you that you were one of mine. I honestly don't think a rough patch of communication during a pandemic is unheard of. But if you are willing to open yourself to me now with your honesty as you have, I hope you can continue doing so at more regular intervals. Possibly check once a week if there is something we have done that has bothered the other and we can address it in a stress free environment. If it is more regulated and expected I feel it might possibly limit the amount of stress you feel addressing it, and I can limit the amount of stress I put you under by springing my emotions constantly which I know can be overwhelming to others.

I know I am intense, it is the word I get most often attributed to me. But it's because I am a very focused person, just not always on the right thing. I get completely absorbed into people, into staring at a spot on the wall for 20 minutes, those stupid slot machines at my senior prom that made me realize I should never go to a casino, or most often just on what is happening inside my own head. It's never ill intended, it's just the way I have always been and how my mind works. I hope you can understand."

Me: I just really hope this isn't one of the last things I say to them. Probably one of my most disliked things is to bare my soul for nothing. Stuff like this is why I hardly ever fight for people. Because they are probably better off anyways. I hate... I hate that I am like this. I'm so exhausted, all the time. I just want it to stop.

[overhaulbids]

Liftoff Simulator Pine Valley Track 01

$(document).ready(function(){ $(".accordion-toggle").on("click",function(){ var th = $(this); th.toggleClass("expand"); th.find(".plus-sign").toggle(); th.find(".minus-sign").toggle(); var th = th.next().slideToggle(); }); $(".accordion-toggle").each(function(){ var th = $(this); th.prepend("<span class='plus-sign'>+<span class='minus-sign'>-"); }); }) Advantages of Long Leaf Pine Straw in your landscape: It provides the best level of level of acidity for your plants to absorb maximum soil nutrients It does not drift and wash away and breaks down more gradually, so it does not have to be reapplied as regularly as other mulches It is much easier to handle and lighter per cubic foot than other mulches: one large bale can cover as much location as 30 cubic feet of many mulches the cost per square foot is competitive with other mulches It breathes much better, does not compact, and enables much better water infiltration It is simple to use: just unroll the bales and scatter by hand It doesn't attract termites It adds natural material and nutrients to soil and reduces weeds The consistent color and fine texture of pine straw draws out the color, contrast, and texture of your landscape You can use it for erosion control where yard will not grow to hold soil, even on hillsides and paths Frequently Asked Questions

Ants Are Invading My House... Any Tips Or Solutions? My Husband And I Live In Central Fl. We'Ve Been Having Thousands Of Ants In Our House. I Clean The House Twice A Week, And I Don'T Leave Any Food Around. We Live In A Mobile Home, And I Have A Feeling That The Problem Started After We Put Pine Straw Around The Front Of The House. Could That Be The Problem? If So, I Want To Clean That Up Completely... And I Was Wondering What Kind Of Product We Could Use To Spray Around Our House. We Have 2 Dogs, And I Didn'T Want Anything To Poison Them. Also, What Can You Suggest For Covering The Area Around The House Where The Pine Straw Is Now? (Rocks Are Expensive...) Thank You!

When ants decide to go into a home they go in. They even go into million dollar spotless houses. The first ants leave a scent trail for the other ants to follow. They are looking for food to carry to their nest which is the source of the ants. Yes, the pine straw collects moisture that attracts the ants. And spiders love it. There is something called Textraw that does not collect moisture. It is used around businesses and other places. Terror gel is for ants that like sugar. Combat gel if for ants that go for meat, greasy foods. They come in syringes that makes them easy to use. The ants eat this and get it on them and carry it to their nest. It kills the queen and the ants there. In a short time you will see less and less ants.

How Can I Decrease My Gardens Ph? I Recently Got My Garden Tested For Ph Which I Used Last Year And My Neighbors Garden Which He Is Just Starting This Year, Both Came Out To 7.5 Alkaline. We Probably Shouldnt Have Been Surprised Because The Valley We Live In Actually Long Ago Used To Be A Limestone Quarry. Our Gardens Are About 10,000Sq Ft. Mines In A Square And His Is In A Rectangle. He Used To Have Cows And I Still Have A Few Llamas So We Both Have What Some Might Some Consider Fresh, And &Quot;Aged Manure&Quot; Although I Would Think &Quot;Aged&Quot; Means In Some Drying Area But We Dont Do That. Anyways We Are Working Together On This And Sharing Equipment And Work So We Can Both Feed Our Families. We Are Looking For Some Way To Decrease Our Ph To About 6.5 Or 7 Would Be Good, Because Thats Where Our Plants Like. I Grew Some Food In Mine Last Year But It Could Have Done Better Which Sounds Consistent With Being Outside The Ideal Ph Range. I Have Heard Of Aluminum Sulfur Or Something Like That And We Really Dont Want To Use That If Its A Chemical Thats Not Natural. Also We Looked Into Composting And That Was To Confusing And Time Intensive Especially On Our Scale Which We Mostly Do By Hand And Tractor But Fixing Tractors Takes Time And Money, So We Try To Limit Our Use Of Those. Anyways We'Re A Month Away From Planting Which I Know Is Not Ideal But Is There Anything We Can Do To Start The Process Of Changing The Ph But Still Be Able To Plant? Any Idea Will Do. Oh I Also Heard About Manure Tea And Pine Needles. And He Has 50Gallon Drums And I Have A Few Hundred Feet Of Pine Trees. So Thats A Option To If We Need To. Let Me Know What You Guys Think, Thank You!

I use aluminum sulphate, although you can acidify your soil with sulfur, oaks leaves, pine bark and needles, peat moss, and use of an acidified fertilizer, etc. Your local garden center can recommend the best thing to use. If you want to go strictly organic, peat moss is your best bet. Aluminum sulphate is being used for my blueberries. It has done a good job.

How Would I Do This? I Want To Litter Box Train My Rabbit But I Dont Know What To Use For Litter Or What Kind Box A Cat Box Or Do They Have Ones For Rabbits And I Wouldnt Know How To Go About Doing It Please Someone Help Me

heya i think i have given you advice before, So is your rabbit indoors i asume get your rabbit to do its business in its cage you dont really have to have a litter box my aunty did't but here is some advice from someone with a bit more exsperiance in rabbits then me:Rabbits usually take well to litter training, although some flexibility may be required by the owner. Rabbits naturally pick one or more toilet areas, and owners can take advantage of this in litter training. First a suitable litter is needed. You rabbit will probably like to lay in the litter box and may even nibble on the litter, so something absorbent and safe is necessary. Rabbit urine also has a strong odor, so something that absorbs odor is ideal. Do not use clay or clumping litters, or cedar or pine wood shavings. Organic or paper-based pellets and litters are a good choice (brands include Critter Country, Eco-Straw Pellets, Gentle Touch, Cell-Sorb Plus and Yesterday's News - see Top Alternatives to Cedar and Pine Shavings for more options) Some owners simply use rabbit pellets as litter. These are economical and safe, but are not a good choice if your rabbit continually eats extra pellets from the litter box and/or is overweight. For litter pans, cat litter boxes work pretty well, although smaller pans such as cake pans may work for smaller rabbits. If your rabbit tends to back right up to the edge and deposit outside the box, some creativity may be required. A covered cat box is a good option, or a dishpan that has higher sides can work as well (an lower entry can be cut into one side). The larger size of corner litter boxes might work well for smaller rabbits too, as these usually have fairly high backs. If your rabbit tends to tip the pan or kick the litter out, try a heavier litter. To start, confinement and supervision is the key. If a rabbit is allowed to urinate and defecate wherever it likes from the beginning, it will be much harder to train. At first, keep your rabbit primairly in his (or her cage), which should be fairly small at first, with a litter pan. Place a litter box in the cage, and note where you rabbit eliminates. He (she) may start using the box, or may be pick another corner of the cage as a toilet. If this is the case, then move the litter box to the area your rabbit seems to prefer. Flexibility on litter box placement may be necessary both in and out of the cage. Once your rabbit is using the litter pan in the cage, allow the rabbit out of the cage in a limited area. Provide a litter box within this area, and perhaps make it enticing by placing a a treat or favorite toy in the box. Watch your rabbit for signs he is about to urinate or defecate (they usually back up and lift their tail slightly), and try to herd him to the box immediately (if your rabbit is very calm about being picked up it should be okay to place him right in the box). If your rabbit uses the box, give the rabbit a treat (food, toy, petting, or praise) right away. If you notice your rabbit tends to head to one area to do its business, consider putting the box here. Accidents will happen, and punishment has no place in training a rabbit. Your rabbit will absolutely not be able to make a connection with physical punishment and elimitnating outside the litter box. If you catch your rabbit in the act calmly and gently take him or her to the litter box immediately. But, if your don't physically catch your rabbit urinating or defecating, it is too late for your rabbit to make the connection. Just clean up and watch your rabbit a little more closely next time (clean the spot diluted vinegar, or a commercial pet stain/odor remover). The key is to get your rabbit to the box before he goes, so a trip to the litter box every 10 minutes during playtime can be helpful. Over time, your rabbit will probably develop a preference for using the box, and amount of freedom you give your rabbit can be increased. You may need to provide more boxes as you allow your rabbit acces to more space (rabbits may not go far in search of a box so have them handy). Again, if your rabbit repeatedly chooses one place in he room to eliminate, consider putting or moving a litter box there. Try to work with what your rabbit naturally wants to do, but if the location they "choose" is inconvenient, you can try putting a litter box there for a while and then gradually move it to a better spot. Sometimes, placing a bowl of food where you don't want them to go works too. The process sounds daunting, but usually goes pretty smoothly as long as the owner works with the rabbit's natural tendencies and provides undivided attention to the rabbit during it's free time in the beginning. Establishing a routine with your rabbit will also help. Sometimes a previously trained rabbit will get a little careless, and this usually means backtracking and restricting freedom until your rabbit is trained again Hope this helps x

How Do I Mulch Tree/Shrub Beds? I'M In Southeastern Va. Thanks.?

Spread mulch (what you use depends on your personal preferences and what you have growing - pine straw around pines, tec.) from 2 to 4" thick in the beds and nearly up to the trunks of the tree/shrubs, but keep the mulch at least 2" away from the trunks to avoid rot and insect damage to the plant.

Whats The Best Way To Control Weeds In A Vegey Garden? I Have A Small Garden With About 60 Or So Plants Mostly Peppers Tomatoes And Mellon Plants Ever Day I Go Out And Pull The Weeds Is This My Only Option Its My First Garden And I Just Learned About Weed Guard So Its To Late For That What Should I Do Keep Pulling?

I remember my first garden. The first thing I learned was a lot of respect for farmers and for my mother. Now I have a garden probably a tad smaller than yours. Here in the Northwest, where we get more rain than sun, weeds are a problem. Keep pulling, don't let the weeds get a good start. At one time I thought that being on my hands & knees pulling weeds & mucking in the dirt was good therapy after a day in an office. I still believe that but after I reached senior citizen status my back disagreed with that notion. Next year try mulching with bark or sawdust or leaves (never tried newspaper but I'll try it). DO NOT use pine needles for mulch. Tried that one year and found out that they are highly acidic and my veggies hated it. Try to use little or no chemical bug killers. Liquid fertilizer is a good idea. Soon you will be harvesting and will be really proud of your efforts. Enjoy, there is nothing better than a home grown tomato.

Liftoff Simulator Pine Valley Track 01

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Goose Creek

[merrysithmas]

The twitter post on nonbinary gender that you posted....ever since you started specifically posting about nonbinary gender, I've been wanting to ask you its meaning because I had never come across it. But I was scared and embarrassed to ask you cause i thought you'd get mad at me. Sometimes I want to educate myself but then you don't know who to talk to or ask about things. And also thank you because through your blog I am learning so much about gender.

oh thank you!!! thank you so much for sending this and asking. i am always here for questions and thank you for having an open heart and a kind soul. i know sometimes it can be intimidating to learn – and it shouldnt be. we live in a very divided world right now, and i wish people would be more receptive to questions and bridge building.

it is my personal philosophy there is a difference between anger and hate – anger can be channeled into action and example and good. hate makes you have a commonality with all the other evil sectors in this world and i refuse to be a part of it.

as for nonbinary gender – basically this is an umbrella term which means “is not male or female”. nonbinary people are included under the T or “trans” letter in LGBTQ because their assigned sex (AFAB, AMAB assigned female/male at birth) does not align with their gender. however, many nonbinary people do not consider themselves trans and consider themselves simply nonbinary. but many do consider themselves trans. it is up to personal choice.

there are several nonbinary genders: agender (feeling like one does not have a gender at all, genderless), genderfluid (fluid gender which switches to more female or male depending), genderqueer (a catchall term for many of these identities or some combined), nonbinary (feeling neither totally male or female, or feeling both, or feeling both but one more than the other, or feeling a new gender which is male/female combined), Two Spirit (a term specifically for use only for certain people from various indigenous societies/cultures which describes a lauded subset of people who have two genders or a conduit between genders), demigender (feeling partially male or female), etc. the list goes on.

i know a lot of people will scoff at this and think - “oh that isnt REAL” “there are only two genders”. well guess what? it is real. it has been my life for literally as long as i can remember back into childhood. it wasn’t until a few years ago i discovered the term for it, and it wasn’t until last week that i decided i want to use gender neutral pronouns. i remember one day when i was in highschool i asked myself “am i trans??” i remember being so scared i cried for a day and repressed it so hard. i have never aligned or fit in in that way. i remember telling my mom as a kid i wasn’t a boy or a girl. i remember always struggling so hard trying to decide who to be. i remember doing a google search as a kid and reading about Two Spirit people of various indigenous cultures and thinking — my god. it’s “me”. it was the first thing i ever saw that spoke to an understanding of my identity, and i felt such immense comfort i cant even describe it to you.

but now, after coming out to myself and the world i am literally the happiest with myself i have ever been in my entire life. i finally feel like i am not living inside myself, that when people meet me they know exactly who i am because im not hiding it anymore. my whole life i always had this little voice in my head saying “the person they think they are meeting/seeing isnt the whole you and they will never really know you, no one does”. i am “out” to my family and friends who matter and i am so proud of myself. im not afraid of being visible. in fact, i want to promote it.

im a future doctor and i can tell you with 100% certainty there is biological basis for separation of gender and sex. whether it it hormone levels, chromosomal activity, genome structure, brain chemistry, brain physiology and anatomy, or likely an infinitely complex amalgamation of all that and more. but one doesnt have to be a doctor to have credit in saying this: i can tell you, just as me, a nonbinary person - i am real. and i dont want to hide or suffocate anymore. society’s rules and binaries are truly blind. they leave out so, so many people. and we are at a revolution in our culture right now that i hope is going to change that exclusion forever. i hope people will see other people free and realize the strictures and rules they were brought up to live behind arent all that exists.

i always say it like this: if you are cisgender (a person whose gender matches their sex at birth) it is not your job to “understand” a trans or nonbinary person. because you literally cant. you can’t pass judgment on something you literally cannot experience. a cisgendered person’s brain is not built with the chemistry/function of someone who experiences a nonbinary life. there is nothing wrong with that. but the job of a cisgendered person is to say: “i will never understand what that feels like, but i will -believe- it is real because trans and nonbinary people have the dignity of personhood, they are PEOPLE, just like me, and if they tell me this is how their bodies work it must be how it is working inside of them.”

and one more thing - gender identity has nothing to do with gender presentation. which means, a nonbinary person who dresses femme, wears make up and has long hair is just as nonbinary as a masculine presenting nonbinary or androgynous nonbinary person. a cisgendered woman who wears tshirts and baseball hats because that is what makes her comfortable is still a woman. a cisgenderd man who wears makeup is still a man. a trans woman who wears suits is still a woman. a transman who likes makeup is still a man. your gender is in your head, your sex/genitals are in your pants, and your aesthetic preference is just how you hapoen to like to decorate your body.

sexual orientation is separate from all of this, and is simply who you are attracted to. a cisgendered woman can be attracted to women: lesbian, poly, pan, bi. a nonbinary person can be bi, pan, poly too. a transman can also be bi, gay, pan, asexual, etc. a cisgendered man can be hetero or gay.

dysphoria is psychological and physical discomfort with ones sex/genitals/body/body function because it does not align with one’s gender. some trans/nonbinary people experience and many dont! so for instance as a nonbinary person i sometimes get intense dysphoria over my chest (breasts) and menstruation. more often than not i deal with it, sometimes im even proud of it, i am proud of surviving as a female-bodied person in this misogynistic world! im proud of the perspective it gives me on humanity. but if i could get rid of them would i? most days, most likely! ive always wanted to get rid of my breasts, i legit hate them. but some days i can deal. i console myself by saying all genitals are homologous to each other - male and female gentials are essentially the reverse of one another and so the same. they dont dictate who you are. if a woman with cancer gets an oophrectomy does thay make her not a woman anymore? of course not! if a man has his testicles removed is he no longer a man? am i a woman because i have a vagina? nope! gender isn’t one’s body. as a nonbinary pansexual person my identity is pretty firmly in the grey area lol. i consider myself an attractive androgynous. i am proud of who i am and what i look like, even when im not totally content.

i hope some of this helps and i hope you will spread acceptance! sorry this got so long but i wanted to give a real answer. always feel free to ask anything else, weird or not weird, i promise i wont get offended. :)