#and the english name for þ is THORN????? fucks so hard

[wordfather]

the icelandic alphabet has the correct idea þ fucks so hard. æ is so beautiful to me. ð has a special place in my heart. þrumur. æska. orð. bangers left and right

[drtanner]

So some of you will know that I am writing a book, specifically a medieval Europe-adjacent fantasy story. You may have guessed, by this, that I have a passing interest in medieval history and culture, and that I’ve gone shoulder-deep into a few Middle English documents and compendiums in the name of inspiration and research. I’m pretty good at making sense of Middle English now! It looks daunting when you’re reading it, but it’s not that hard, actually!

Learning this and having it as an Interest™ has been an enormous source of joy to me. Not many things make me actually, physically smile, but some of the shit I’ve read, dude. It’s so good. Like, you’ve all heard the Middle English “frogge” passage, that was a video that was going around a while ago, but did you know that they cut out literally all of the best parts? Here’s the whole thing:

A frogge biþ a smol beaste wiþ foure leggys, whyche liueþ booþ in watyre and on londe. It is broune or grene or yelowe; or be it tropyckal, he may haue dyuers coloures, and liue in treys. It haþ longys and guilles booþe. Frogges need þe watyre to reeprudus. Eet haccheþ from an ey and it þan ete ys a tadpolle. It groweþ to þon a frogge, if it þan ne be nought eten. It ets smal bogs like cricets, fliys, ir evn wurms. þey haþ tung þat ben long and stikey. þere are pisoinis frogges out þere. Yuv migt se a frogge ef yu eentr þe forets, or þe laeks. A frogge biþ founde in al contynens ecsept Antartika.

A frogge biþ broþers wiþ a toade.

Some tips for reading Middle English:

The “þ” is a thorn and it is pronounced “th”.

If a word looks like nonsense, say it out loud and you’ll probably understand. Spelling wasn’t standardised in Ye Olden Days, so a lot of the stuff you’ll read will be phonetic.

In fact, just read the whole thing aloud. Your life will be better for it, I promise.

This whole passage is genuinely delightful to me. This person just comes through with all of these absolutely wicked frog facts. “It eats small bugs like crickets, flies or even worms”, like, shit, dude, it sure does! “There are poisonous frogs out there”! Hell yeah there are! “You might see a frog if you enter the forests or the lakes”!! Fuck! I might!!

But did you know that there’s also a Middle English description of the catt that you can read?

Þe catt ben a ſmale meet-etyng mammal. Þe catt was worschipped, by þe peple for felawſchipe and abilite to killen vermin. Cattes been alſo keped as houſdeeres, and a ſmal catte be cleped a kitoun. Yif so keped hit was mene to namen hem wiþ phancie. Some good ekenomes been Swiftpawe or Greyemaulkin. Þes kitouns enjoyen to be at pley, wiþ balles and ſtrynges eſpecially fauovred. 

Now we get to meet the “ſ “, which looks kind of like a weird “f” but is actually a “S” sound.

This passage states that the cat was worshipped by the people for “fellowship and ability to kill vermin” and that it was “mean (common) to name them with fancy”. It suggests “Swiftpaw” and “Greymalkin” as good names for cats. “The kittens enjoy to be play, with balls and strings especially favoured.” Hell yeah they do, man!! Shit!

A dogge is a mammal fro þe familye Canidae.  Þe word is vſed for boþ wylde doggis and houndes.  Houndes haven ben þe moſt wydly keeped werking and compaignoun beeſtes in mennis hiſtorye.

A dogge is a beſte þat men haue as a houſebeſte, or to herde schepe.  Doggis ben "mennis beſte frend" as þe ſeying goþ. A dogge haþ a long tongue and likeþ to jump and ronne. A dogge haþ hair whiche ben reed, yelwe, broun, blak, or whit.

Shit, a dog is a beast that men have as a housebeast!! You’re so right!! DOGGIES BEEN “MAN’S BEST FRIEND”, AS THE SAYING GOETH.

A whal ben a gret beeſt. It liveþ in þe ocen. It lookeþ lik a fiſse, þouȝ it nis, for it vſiþ eyre þat ben nat of þe watr. þere ben 2 kyn:

Balene whals

Tooþed whals

A whal eteþ fiſse and oþer wee ocen beeſtis. Þe bleu whal ben þe gretteſt whal, and þe gretteſt beeſt on Erþe.

This one has a “ȝ” in it! That’s a “gh”, like in “though” or “nought”.

Shit, dude, it does look like a fish! But it does useth air that be not of the water! Incredible. Fucking amazing.

Anyway, this is my life now. Every time I read something in Middle English and see that someone has spelled “horrible” as “orrible”, the light inside me grows a little brighter and I feel a little more thankful to be alive.