#and the math problem is one of those mfs w -i and shit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

futurewriter2000 · 5 years

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Let’s get pissed

Today sucked. Yes, it mf sucked. I didn’t know I can curse as much as I did today. Like, new record.

So, FIRSTLY what happend was that my math teacher like - fuck him. Like how can he even say those things to students and not be ashamed of himself. To say that we are unintelligent dumbasses who can’t think for themselves just because they didn’t ask a question. Like, I’m sorry for thinking and figuring out the (math) problem on my own because whenever I aske him a question, he decides to be curt and mean, shouting at me for not knowing something he studies and repeats for 60 years of his life. Do you know how that makes me feel? For someone calling me stupid and unintelligent? Does he even know what is going on in my life. I’m great at math. Fucking amazing at it but yeah maybe I did fail my test because my family life is a bit fucked up at the moment and I don’t live in the middle of the forest where everything is quiet and peacful like he does.

SECONDLY, what happened was English class. Oh, yeah let’s talk about English class. BECAUSE GOD JUST LOVES TO FUCK WITH ME DOESN’T HE! Because he knows how much I love English and he knows how much I love to write in English but nooo, my professor had a bad day and we got our tests back and I got a 3 with ONE POINT to get a 4. And my answer was correct and it said “was” on the answer sheet but the letter a was a bit fucked up because I fixed it from the word “is” to the word “ was” but it was clear that that word was the letter “was”. And I went up to her and I asked her why is it wrong and she told me that she doesn’t know what that word meant: And I was like ??? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT WORD WAS! IT’S THE WORD “WAS” WITH A CLEAR LETTER W a bit fucked up letter a and a clear letter S. W.a.S. Andf like from my classmate who writes for shit and makes words look like a wavy line she is telling me she couldn’t read that word! And she knows I’m good at English and SHE KNOWS I love English! And I said “ It’s a was.” and she replied. “ Not to me, it’s not.”. So I sat down and tried to find another mistake and I did. My answer was correct just two words were switched up. And I went up to her and told her why is this wrong and she told me because two words are switched up. And I asked her that why does that matter because no matter how many words are switched up, the Present Simple is still converted into Past Simple and technically the sentance is correct either way, whether the two words are switched up or not. And she said. “ Not for me.”. So I told her about another mistake that was about “ did live” and “lived” which are both correct but still she told me that “lived” is wait for this...MORE correct thatn “did live”. LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?!?!? I found 3 points which I should get and she doesn’t want to give even one for me to get a fucking 4. The point is that it’s not even about the grade. I don’t care if I get a 4 or a 3 but like the fact that she knows that this 3 is about to lower my average at English class and that we both know that what I wrote was correct and that my thinking was correct she still went like “I know you didn’t study becasue you think you know English. Learn a lesson.” . The point is that it’s not fair for her to decide whether something is MORE correct than the other answer. The point that I will come to some American or English dude and tell him “ yes, he did live there.” or “ yes, he lived there.” he will understand it. The point is that RULES IN ENGLISH LANGUAGE are not used IN REAL LIFE!.It’s not like I’m gonna say a sentance to a man and think about it if I should say it in active or passive. And the worst part is that my friend who is from another country and she is struggling with slovenian (which is my mothertongue and the official language we speak in my country) and she’s struggling with tests because of it and english as well, she had the same mistakes as me and IF this professor was fair she would understand at least a bit and give her a passing grade instead of BEING A BITCH and tell her “ Well, you’re getting better at least. It’s a negative grade but your getting better.” LIKE FUCK YOU! SHE IS ALREADY SPEAKING FOUR LANGUAGES PLUS SHE’S GETTING BETTER WITH SLOVENE WHICH IS 5 AND I’D LIKE TO SEE THE PROFESSOR SWITCH UP FROM MACEDONIAN TO BOSNIAN TO SLOVENIAN TO ENGLISH! LIKE FUCK HER! Honestly, when we get those answer sheets back imma throw that shit into gabrbage right in front of her nose because if she thinks my English will be defined by those stupid mistakes and that stupid grade than she is fucking wrong! She really is going to see hell from me, now on.

Yeah, school pisses me off a lot.

Thirdly...let’s say my sister brought her ex HERE! To our apartment. My dad went into a night shift and my sister used that as a chance to bring her ex or whatever he is, they weren’t really dating, but she brought him. And backstory. That prick cheated on her, told her shit, made her feel like shit, made her cry like every three months if not monthly and that was happening for 4 years. Yes, four. Since I started High School. So, I hate the guy. I hate him and he is the worst. What he does, to those girls, what he does to his friends, how he uses people...he’s a horrible guy. Drugs, alcohol... I hate him. I really do. I just don’t like people who use other people, that’s it. Anyways, my sister called him. AND MY HEAD WAS ABOUT TO OPEN AND RIP HERS OFF HER NECK BECAUSE SHE KNOWS HOW MUCH I HATE HIM AND SHE KNOWS HOW UNCOMFORTABLE AND ANXIOUS HE MAKES ME FEEL AND SHE KNOWS THAT RIGHT NOW I AM ABOUT AS THIS CLOSE TO KILLING HER AND HIM. And she dragged her friend to reason with my anger. hohoho...like clearly she can’t fight her battles herself with me and her friend was like “ look she won’t listen to me so i support her. You should do the smae.” LIKE EXCUSE ME! YOUR BEST FRIEND CALLED A GUY OVER WHEN EVERYBODY KNOWS HOW THIS GUY RUINS HER AND YOU JUST SUPPORT HER! LIKE YEAH! IF SHE SAID SHE WAS GOING TO KILL HERSELF, YOU’D GO LIKE “ Yea, look she won’t listen to me so I support her. You should do the same.” LIKE ARE YOU REALLY THAT DUMB! WHAT KIND OF A BEST FRIEND SAYS THAT THEY SUPPORT THEIR BEST FRIEND TO GO RUIN THEMSELVES! SHE IS MY SISTER! MY SISTER! MY SISTER WHO I HAVE BEEN THE ONE COMFORTING HER FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS WHENEVER HE FUCKED UP! WHO WAS THERE TO WIPE HER TEARS AND WRAP MY ARMS AROUND HER AND CALM HER DOWN FOR HOURS AND HOURS! WHERE WERE YOU HUH! WHERE WERE YOU THEN! YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT! And then she said- hahaha- yeah, she said “ You’ve never experianced what is like being in love. It blinds you.” - Like first of all, I did and she doesn’t know shit about my life because I don’t tell everybody my private life. And secondly, love blinds you, yes BUT GOD IT DOESN’T MAKE YOU THAT STUPID! FOR 4 YEARS! I have done nothing to my sister to betray her. I have done nothing to disrespect her because I know that she took care of me when I was a baby but to see myself being used like that. To see her choose him over me, over and over again. That shit hurts! That shit hurts so much and it feels like the worst betrayal. It feels worst than a heartbreak and it feels worst to see somebody who you have known all your life, trusted in them everything, to see them exploit it...to see them exploit me. I just don’t think I can ever forgive her for that. I didn’t even get an apology. I didn’t even get a sorry... and you know what... she’s not getting me back this time. Not anymore. Now she really is on her own.

Okay, last thing. Yes, I’m making this really long. I mentioned it a lot of time that my dad is an agressive drunk. Yes, I’m just kind of giving that out there. He puts me through hell almost every day. Now, my best friend who is working in a bar where my dad goes to, says “Your dad is funny.”. Oh, don’t we all know it. HE IS JUST HILARIOUS ISN’T HE! IT’S SO GREAT TO SEE A DRUNK BEING FUNNY! HE IS SO SO SO SO SO SO FUNNY! Yeah. You know what else is funny. The time he came home and started throwing plates at us. You know what else is funny, being a kid and being scared every night and feel your heart beating so fast when you hear somoene unlocking the door at 1 am, afraid he will get another of his episodes. You know what’s funny too? Funny thing is thata he almost cut his own fingers because he THOUGHT my mom was cheating on me. Because he heard a RUMOR! My mom didn’t cheat on him until she decided to leave him and get herself a life she truly desereved. Funny things, like a 11 year old child seeing their father lose their minds and ripping his shirt off of him and shouting and giving my mother as well as me death threats. Funny, how when I was in the worst situation, he decided to attack me and I ran away. And funny how I needed to go back home and still live with this monster. IT’S FUNNY! RIGHT! IT’S SO FUNNY THAT IT JUST MAKES YOUR STOMACH ACHE FROM ALL THE LAUGHTER!

IT’S SO FUNNY BEING SOMEONE WHO HIDES EVERYTHING INSIDE OF THEM! EVERY EMOTION, EVERY SECRET, THE FEARS, THE AGONY OF THEIR LIFE. And you know what’s the worst part. When you tell someone “ I’ve had a bad day.” they reply with “ Just get over it. You’re only 18. You don’t know how hard life can get.”

And this makes me cry.

#I'm done now

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kgysj-blog · 7 years

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day 3 - 4/27/17

dear depression, hiya again!! ill just get right into it for the day since im a little late doin my daily post haha okay so i had a cute outfit sat out for school today & i got up at 7:05 & the tardy bell rings at 7:30 so i just threw on the cute outfit & straightened my hair really really fast & i had no time to do my make up so i went to school without that shiz. during first period (english) we watched wuthering heights again & it was super good. idk i just have some weird thing for doomed love stories it's weird idek.. lol. then i went to second period (math) and we got our tests back & i made a frickin 99 bc i forgot to change the sign on one of the problems & it made me hellllllaaaaa mad ugh but its gucci. we went over some more problems but ford made them harder and challenging for the people that don't pay attention i guess bc they weren't hard for me or connor lmao. i was in a great ass mood and i got to break and i was walkin in and chezly was walkin out and this nigga picked me up and took my to a chair & sat me down then patted my head and I ab died hahahahah i love that dude. then i ate two pieces of pizza at break bc it's good as shit. then i went to third period (anatomy) and did this learnsmart thing & i was actually really surprised bc i knew a few of the answers without having to go back and read on it so that was good. i finished w half an hour to just chill so i played the beer pong game on my phone (which im good as frick at might i add). then i went to fourth (economics) and we had an open book test which im pretty sure i most likely failed l o l but it's fine im fine. after that ky was crackin me up the entire time idek why i was laughing like a dumbass the whole time hahahaha but brett kept telling me shit wasn't really funny & all that & he's usually not like that and it really annoyed me tbh. like i can laugh at whatever tf i want, take ya bitter ass and go on somewhere bih. everyone was just in a really good mood i loved it (other than Brett, lol) then i went and sat in bakers w the rest of my buddies and it was like every single thing was funny and i felt happy it was weird idek i was just happy and relaxed & laid back. Andy looked over to me & he was "seriously everyone is in a good mood today" and it made me happy bc i love it when my friends are happy. so anyway, i went to career tech & i made up this test from like 2 weeks ago & i made a 100 on that bit and it put me in a good ass mood. then we had this practice sheet & i was answering correctly left and right & it was just good. then i was walking to the bus & i looked at Ry & i was like "im just really happy right now like im in such a good mood and i have been all day" and she said it makes her happy to see other people happy & that made me happy/sad bc i don't think she is.. i don't like when other people have problems bc i have a ton & it really does suck. well when i got to the bus i had a text from my bud that im not supposed to be talking to. it was just a game request thing but... why are we still talking? i am supposed to be on like my fourth or fifth day without him.. i think he's scared of what ill do if we cut off contact completely idk. he's the one that came up with the idea but now he's the one texting me. i mean im not complaining bc i dont know how id feel or be doing if he wasn't talking to me but ya know im just really confused. we played a few games & he stopped replying which i understand but, like i said, im just v confused. i slept when i got home from like 5-8. it was nice bc no practice. but i actually have some feelings to talk ab now lmao here we go. i think i have an over thinking issue. i mean i know a lot of girls do but for some reason i feel like mine is super bad. i psycho analyze EVERYTHING. its honestly ridiculous. also, i heard this song on the country radio & it reminded me of summer & Peyt and it made me sad so i turned it off bc no sadness :) i just wish i didnt have problems and we could work one day :/ last week its like i had come to the conclusion that he was ready to be done which meant i had to be obviously & i was hella fucking depressed and cried every single day but it wasn't all bc of him. i just have those kinds of problems & for some reason i couldn't control myself last week it was strange. last week it's like i had come to terms w being done w him & then he texts me on friday and tells me we need to talk in person and clarify some things & all that. well i thought what he said ab us needing to distance ourselves meant we were done so i was confused on what else there was to say...? but anyway i was kinda looking forward to closure and all that in person. like finally getting to hear his thoughts face to face so he could get it all out and us be done and learn to move on. well he never texted me back about it and then at like 1 am Sunday morning he tells me we don't have to talk anymore? idk THE WHOLE THING IS A MESS. we talked and said we needed to not talk until i had bettered myself bc my cutting and all that scares the shit out of him (and all my friends) and that he feels he is part of the reason. it made me sick when i read that. i don't want him ever upset or scared or anything when he thinks of me... i felt really bad. but i was like okay ya know we are gonna have to learn to not have each other soon anyway so i guess starting now would be helpful. and i was completely on board. and now we've talked every single day. and its so confusing idek. I just know i still love him and for some mf reason i can't change it and its embarrassing bc i feel like we will never be the same or even be together again. idek i just needed to get it all out :) i have sectionals tomorrow and i am really freaking nervous like REALLY NERVOUS but i need to chill out and focus so i can get top 3. i guess that's all for tonight.. goodnight :) love, g

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kgysj-blog · 7 years

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day 2 - 4/26/17

dear depression, wassupppp biotch you still havent gotten me yet ayyeeeee *quickly knocks on wood* anyways imma talk ab my day/issues!!!!!!! so i woke up & wore this dress bc i didn't feel like wearing pants ya feel me ? well i made it to school in 4 minutes bc ya girl attempted eyeliner this morning AND IT DIDNT SUCK TERRIBLY WOO!!! oh yus. anyway i felt pretty today :') i got to first period (English) •total side note but the song that just came on is 'how would u feel' by ed sheeran and i absolutely fucking adore it man• and when we i got there i expected us to finish wuthering heights which i also absolutely adore. instead we had to do two worksheets front and back and it lowkey kinda sucked :/ but it's ok I finished them!! also it was sent around that the teachers met this morning to decide which day will be the last day for seniors to show up which makes me feel lit as fuck like let's fuckin go FUCKKKKKK white plains HAHAHAH :)))) then i got to second period (math) and coach ford wasn't here today so she left us a worksheet to do that had 36 equation problems & don't get me wrong, that shit easy af, it just takes time to write it all out fr. well im in a class where everyone likes to talk other than the guy that sits beside me (connor w. my mf nigga). well i start this worksheet w one headphone in & these inconsiderate fuckers who aren't even doing their work START TALKING LOUDLY and it nearly made it impossible to finish this long ass worksheet so I put my other head phone in and crank the music up as loud as possible. well it's be about 5 minutes and connor has done the same thing w the headphones, and these rude humans throw a pencil at us bc my music was too loud. MY music was too loud. well GUESS WHAT?! if you'd stfu i wouldn't even have to play music :-)) anyway i finished that bitch in ab 10 minutes then I took a good ass nap till break. after the bell rang I was walking to drop my back pack off in coach crews classroom and doddie and nugget pull me in a classroom & doddie has ranted ab this guy (not gonna name names) making fun of her and making sly comments ab her being gay!!!!!! it lit me tf up. but it was gucci she rented it all out and posted it on her spam & i ab died. then i went to break & saw my buddies and then went to third (anatomy). Me & brettford finished up our poster which looked good af & turned it in. then I saw dots spam post & ab died hahahahah I commented "can I tag him" then "I'll tag him" then "he's a little bitch" bc he is!!!! the girls doddie pulls are like gorgeous & his ex gf was not that pretty :/ I don't wanna be mean and say bad things ab other girls but :/// then we went to fourth period (economics) and Matthews hit me w some more of her bullshit. she stays mad at me fr solely bc of the table I sit at bUT GUESS WHAT! those are my mf niggas and imma sit w them bc this is the last time I'll frickin be able to bc #senioryearbitches but onward w the entry, we had to do this question thing on liz murray (refer to precious entry on who that is) and then we got to do our handprints on the wall bc #senioryearbitches. me and brettford did our hands together Bc he's my bestie and I love him!!!!! then i left and went to the store (gas station-stewards) to get pizza and when I got there, there was no mf pizza -_- I was mad af. the lady said it would take 12 minutes to cook another & it was already 11:53 and the bus gets there at mf 12:05 to pick us up so I had to tell her I had to go :/ so I went back to school and then to career tech & all was gucci. I fell asleep during class bc idk I get exhausted in moms class it's crazy Idek why. but then i got on the bus and i realized i had a text from the human im not supposed to be talking to :/ it said hi. so I said hi. Then he had screenshotted doddies spam post and said it better have not been ab him and he's dumb bc it wasn't -_- we talked ab it all for a while and then I told him not to worry & he said alright & I said okie and he didn't reply aha but I had to text him what dot said bc he had asked me to text her earlier so i did and sent it to him. then this mf replied like two hours later and sent me a beer pong game thing and we played for a while (i whooped that ass three times in a row) anndddd he stopped replying again. but i guess i needa get used to that bc im not supposed to be talking to him anyway. we decided Sunday we were gonna stay out of each other's life's until I was better & we have literally spoken every single day since then lmaooooo but it's okay. I got in my feels heavvvvyyyy ab him during moms class which is why I went to sleep I guess. Idk I just miss him n stuff.. it's okay tho no sadness!! I went home and sat and talked w dad for a little bit and it was nice I luv my dad. after I showered and all that I was chillin in bed listening to music & Dad brought me fresh flowers to my room :/ I had told him Sunday I love fresh flowers & then monday on our way to bham for my javelin lesson i told him a little bit about my depression stuff & told him about why I can't talk to Peyton right now and all that and I think it made him sad a little. :( but he is the sweetest most of the time and it made my heart super happy!!! but anyways that's all for today :-) it's 11:54 so imma hit the hay, goodnight!!!! love, g

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