#and then just things go moee and more wrong and just :((((((

[pzyii]

Be Nice To Me by The Front Bottoms

[bipresso]

I thought listening to a podcast about setting long-term goals setting would help, but it made me realize I don't have any goals, just stuff i feel like I am supposed to do. I don't feel like I have a future, even as i've a lot of efforts into stuff that's supposed to help me get back on my feet.

basic computer job skills course is almost over... I feel like i'm not the only one whose lacking confidence with life after the course. even if everywhere is hiring, the salary and hours suck.

with the course ending, my family is also more and moee barging in with their ideas about what I should be doing. I hate talking hearing them assume my next steps. they set the timeline for me, without considering where the fuck i am at rn.

they don't understand how deeply i struggle with very basic stupid shit. cause how can a human be that fucking useles??

and they have more important things to worry about anyway. i don't expect them try and understand what's wrong with me, to read the book on bipolar that I suggested... cause they dont understand my diagnosis. I am glad for the family members who did reading, but the person who should have done that the most hasn't.

anyways, it's been getting really hard again for me to keep a schedule of very basic habits, like waking up and eating. my doctors are starting sleep and mood tracking stuff with me. it has been a week and I notice patterns in my mood related to sleep, but also also what's going on day to day.

i am crying a lot more, spending night or entire days feeling hopeless. I know it's because I have no confidence in job applications and job interviews. i done it before, every few years... but i hated that process so much.

i know when i "re-enter" society, it will be very different from how i used to participate in society before. people who know me see huge potential. but the higher i had climbed before, i would look down and think how jumping off seemed.

[vampiricsheep]

Oh before i go to sleep i just remembered the story/daydream i fell asleep to last night and wanted to share bc it could be an idea for a future dnd campaign (hahhh nobdy plays 3.5 tho which is the only system that doesnt need homebrew for it)

But basically a stray horse wandered into the woods (lost its rider? Jumped a fence? Idk) and drank from a pond that turned out to not really be a pond but more of a spirit

And the spirit, too week to guard what was a failing domain with the encroachment of lumberers, imbued the horse with the duty and drive to defend the forest, and it was marked with a horn that represented that absorbed magic (so, unicorn. The horn could only be seen by someone who knew what to look for or was imbued with wild or fey magic.) And that magic let it shapeshift into whatever form was convenient for this duty, whether it be to intimidate encroaching lumberers or to lead people away in the form of a lost human

Anyways something came to raze the forest and the spirit, panicked, urged the horse(?) to flee carrying a stone (it was about the size and shape of an ostrich egg but opalescent) imbued with the spirit's lifeforce and to take it somewhere safe where it could establish a new haven

Another important detail was with each transformation the horse absorbed a little more of that form's traits and thoughts and instincts, so it gradually grew more and more sentient. Returning to its horse (unicorn) state required concentrating on what it was supposed to be, but losing itself in some of those thoughts meant it couldnt always shift fully back, resulting in its hide rippling with shifting colors and patterns

The stone was carried in sort of saddlebag harness

Oh one other detail is the clothes in any one form stayed with that form when it shifted instead of being stuck in the material plane and around the new form

So since this stone was very important and secret when it's traveling along a path north in its search and hears a group of travelers coming up on it it assumes the first form it can think of that wont be hunted, killed after being seen as a threat, or interrogated. This ends up being a hound dog. That the group adopts. The longer it stays in the form the harder it is to remember who it is, and it finay breaks out of this conundrum when it jumps in front of an arrow to defend one of the group, which returns it (unharmed, but rattled) to its unicorn true form.

panicking and needing to think quickly to hide the truth, it turns into the form of a maiden and ends up making some story up about being on its way north for something, but the group is now suspicious and it ends up having to stick with them out of fear its identity will be leaked to the wrong parties if it's not around. Eventually it leaves them behind and takes that risk knowing the longer it does the moee urgent things get

Oh and the spirit in the stone can talk to it psychically but only when it's present, so when it was stuck in the harness on the unicorn form when the unicorn was shifted it couldnt reach it. Very harrowing for the spirit when it was stuck in dog shape for so long, started wondering if its fate was to be trapped in this prison of its own making

In 3.5 this would be like. The shifter prestige class that druid can take, with a talking/cursed magic item. The unicorn thing would need to be discussed with any dm fjdjsksk

Im. Considering plopping this idea onto a gw2 character for the time being :0

[sockpansy]

Why are you guys sleeping on Cinderella?

Alright, so a few days ago, i watched all 3 Cinderella movies and just...

This girl

Is amazing!

In her first movie, she has to do all the chore and be a maid to her stepfamily, but she still works hard, but she doesnt take everything so easily. This girl has attitude every small chance she gets! She axts nice when she is getting in trouble for something that isnt her fault, but she still triws to defend herself. Even thoughout the movie she tries to speak for herself and has snide comments when she can.

Dispite the hatred of her stepfamily, she is still kind to others! She even manages to convince her stepmother to let her keep a dog, so long as he doesnt cause trouble. She dresses, saves, and feeds the mice, just because she can. She is always looking out for others, even if it ia a small thing. And all her help got her repaid when the mice made her dress for her, although they did (technically) steal- causing the dresses destruction.

She wasnt after the prince actually. It seemed that the prince was far from her mind. She just wanted a magical night of fun, to go to the ball, and she worked so hard to get all her chores done so that she could...she aaid she wouldn't go when her dress wasnt finished, but quickly ran down in the new dress the mice made in excitement.

Then it gets ruins, and she runs iut to the garden. Cinderella had put so much effort into just having one fun night....so much work just to have it ripped from her last minute. It is perfectly understandable that she would break down crying after all that. Then fair godmother shows up, and cinderella doesnt stop thanking her.

Plus! She didnt know it was the prince she met st the ball. Althought we dont know whag they talked about, it is shown thst cinderella and prince charming spent all night together - and she disnt even know he was the prince! She says it when she runs away.

Then the rest of the story unfolds. The prince has the grand duke search for her, she geta locked in her room, the mice come to her rescue, and after the glass slipper breaks, she shows thst she has the other slipper, and gets to marry the prince.

In the first movie, she was her own person, who wantwd a night to have fun, and got a lifetime of happiness after all her hard work, and help from others when it was needed!

But movie two shows a bit more if herself.

Movie two has three stories in it, and I love that they made Anastasia redeemable! She became my favorite. But this is not about her (yet).

Cinderella spends the firdt story, trying to be the best princess she can be, by doing jt by the book. She puts forth a lot od effort, not for the man she loves, because she wants to. In the end. She decides that doing it by the book isn't her, and she changes it up, but doesn't shoot her teacher down. She is still friendly ans inviting to her, she never says that her way was dumb, she just wantws to plan things in a new way. She opens the curtains, has dun with colors, music, and dances, and she incites the commoners into the castle. In the end, she has the most slpendid party, and the king and prince approve.

The second story is mostly about jakjak wanting to her cinderelly more, but we do see how cinderella is always finding ways to help people.

The third story is about Anastasia finding love, amoung a common baker. Cinderella finds her, but instead of laughinf st her or ingoring her, she offers her help. She teaches Anastasia how to be beautiful as she is, and helps her find a way to end up with the baker, and speak up for herself. Agian, cinderella was more of a background character here, but she was more active in thsi one.

Now Cinderella three.

This movie takes the cake.

Now, the secibs movie is completely ignored. Anastasia isnt with the baker, and instead, end sup stealing fairy godmother wand, which the evil step mother uses to turn time back to the moening after the dance. She makes Anastasia fit the shoe, and Cinderella misses her chance to show the prince loves her. Now this movie has character developement for EVERYONEA. Cinderella, Anastasia, the prince, and his dad! Cinderella is threatened to never go near the palace, but she knows that her night st the ball wasnt a dream. She sings the most bomb aong ever, and like, why is 'a dream is a wish your heart makes' her song? Like...this one is so much better (in my,personal opinion). She sets oht for the castle, where she sneaks in as a servant, lies about being the royal mouse catcher, hunts down the prince (who was spelled to not remember her) tried to get him to remember, and yeah, she give a up a bit, until the mice tell her that the prince was cursed. Then she is back tenfold! She works to steal the wand, and almost manages to save the prince, before the gaurda catch her. She end sup on a boat, out of the kingdom, and she actually gices up here, which is understandable. But the prince chases after her, and it is a bwautiful scene, go atach the movie, please, the boat scene is adorable. After that, when Anastasia is turned into her, she is asking if it will make anastasia happy, and when she is in a runaway pumpkin carriage of doom, she keeps the mice as safe as possible, while fighting an evil cat. She then crashes her own wedding, and stepped in front of anastasia to protect her from the spell that the stepmother was going to cast. She was headstrong and determined, and she always gave it her all, for even a silver of hope. She only gave up when there was nothing she could do anymore, and it is wasnt given back to her.

Anastasia found out thag she wanted to love someone who would love her back, and (kinda) turned agianst her mother, she refused to msrry the prince, and stayed by Cinderella side, but she still loved her mother, never telling her off. I found it kinda nice, they didn't turn her around to hate her mother suddenly. Anastasia had always worked for her mothers praise, and im sure it hurt to be called a 'spoiled ' child, but she did what was right, for everyone, and her heart as well.

The prince was given moee than a few lines, and was a key part in the story. Not jsut a driving force. He was shown as talented in many things, like a prince would be, but had humor to himself too, he saw anastasia the firdt time, and flat out asked if he was in the wrong room. He believed talking mice when they told him he had the wrong girl, and he JUMPS OUT A WINDOW for her. He also calls her cinderelly, which was a nice little laugh. He uses his sword to hit thw final magic spell to the stepmother, and spwnt the entire movie just looking for the love of his life.

The king was a good laugh, and wss more than just a shott tempted dad aho wants grandkids. He had some logic to him flst out saying "you csnt pick a girl all because of her shoes" and he took anastasia aside to give her a shell that means the world to him, because it was a symbol of the loce between him and his wife. He was still shorttemped, but was showing more of the dad side of him.

Overall, Cinderella herself, as a princess, is more than someone who waited aeound for help. She was always working for a happier life, and when she got the chance, would give it all she got until she couldnt anymore. In conclusion

We stan

[tbh-i-miss-u]

How is it that I still get insomnia every fucking night. Every night. Just nothing but thinking of you throughout the night. I just.... You occupy my mind 24/7. I have so much free time in the day i try to sleep, since I can't sleep well in the night. It only leads to me thinking about you even more. I don't know. You've been so friendly to me this year and we've grown so much closer, experienced so much moee stuff together. But one thing stays the same. Everytime you text me it excites me. When you start chatting more with me on text it brightens my mood. When you comment on my instagram to cheer me up I instantly smiles to myself. This feeling is addictive. It's tiring me out yet I feel so happy just thinking about you. You've changed from that person who seem cold on text replying one word to me in the past, to someone who can send me a chunk of words just to tell me how much you appreciate me. I feel so... Blissed and tired. I've been lying to myself the whole time, telling myself that maybe it's ok that you don't love me back, as long as I love you. I don't expect anything from you in return. But I've been so so wrong. I do expect you to eventually like me back too. I've been wanting to be together with you and I feel that if I try hard enough, It may actually work out. I can't imagine you being with someone else. I feel like i know you more than anyone else. And that sucks. I know I'm being selfish. I know you don't feel the same. I know you will feel stressed out if you realise even after a year, I haven't let go. Maybe it's why when XT asked me if you know about me still having feelings for you, I didn't know how to answer. I didn't know that I would give such a guilty look. Sub-consciously, I know that all these thoughts are wrong. It will never be a happy ending. All these times i've been saying I feel blissful, it's true. With a tinge of greed, wanting you for myself.i don't know how to deal with my emotions anymore. I don't know myself as a person anymore.