#and then she started asking me more questions abt my sensory issues and social problems and then she pointed out that i | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

electoons · 8 months ago

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my psychiatrist was trying to explain that a lot of my depression and anxiety probably stems from my trying to force myself into a (neurotypical/allistic) mold that i wasn't made for and that it's nothing to be ashamed of and she listed elon musk and bill gates as my fellow autists and that made me cry harder

#mia.txt #i wasnt like crying bc i was diagnosed with ASD it was more just crying cause i cry all the time now and it was a cathartic session #oh i forgot to mention it but god i cant even describe the weird feeling of being told im actually autistic (UNPROMPTED)#after like. wondering for so many years but being too scared to bring it up to any psychiatrist #so i was just like well maybe i am or maybe i just have adhd. thats ok im not too worried about it :)#and then i was just like talking about my sensory issues being exacerbated by my meds #and then she started asking me more questions abt my sensory issues and social problems and then she pointed out that i #had been rocking back and forth the entire time. which i genuinely dont even notice anymore like i was like oh shit i sure am doing that #and she basically went through the whole questionnaire and was like has no one really ever brought up the possibility that you were #on the spectrum. because you definitely are #and i was like 🤷🏻‍♀️ idk! im not sure #but it was probably pretty damning that the one other time i had gotten tested he literally gave up bc the questions were too vague #oh but anyway like no that doesnt help actually 😔#i really don't think its shame-based like i KNOW im Different(TM) thats not shocking to me #but i do expend an insane amount of mental and emotional energy trying to be Normal and pretend i am not autistic #the masking that is causing me so much stress is the very thing that prevented me from being diagnosed earlier lmfaooo

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