#and therefore this is such a perfect raw kinda tense moment I NEED IT I PHYSICALLY NEED IT

[ralfstrashcan]

3x05 Malec Scene Analysis

I already gushed about this scene in my reaction to that episode but honestly, there is so much to this that it needs a separate post. Here we go.

He says this so flatly, the implied question “Why didn't you answer?” isn't even a question anymore. I feel there is slight accusation in his voice, betraying his nerves, showing how on edge he is, before the box-immortality-topic is even addressed. This shows that it's been in his mind all day, since he first peeked into the box and it hasn't left his thoughts ever since.

*“I've been busy.” (Damn, incorrect subtitles, driving me crazy.)

Sure, Magnus, so busy with accounting you didn't have time to answer your boyfriend. You're not fooling anyone. With the knowledge that Magnus already knew that Alec had looked through his things I think it's pretty obvious that Magnus has been avoiding Alec. Why? Maybe he was hurt and/or angry that Alec would invade his privacy. Or maybe he couldn't bear the thought that he'd talk to Alec and Alec won't mention what he did, will lie about it, even if it's only lying by omission. I think after that whole Soul Sword Debacle it's safe to say that Magnus is a bit sensitive about that.

I love that Alec is so honest, because this is who he is. Even with that Soul Sword Debacle, he immediately admitted that he knew when Magnus confronted him.

First off, I hope that Magnus would have addressed this matter himself if Alec hadn't, but since Alec did we'll never know. Second off, notice how Magnus busies himself with things to do? He is clearly tense about this whole affair, and this is the first indication.

“I had no right. It was an invasion of your privacy and I'm sorry.”

I don't need to say anything to Alec's apology except it's very Alec: short and to the point, very accurate, and not trying to find excuses for what he did. He's taking full responsibility for his actions.

“Apology accepted.”

Magnus forgives easily, this isn't news, but I feel like he should have tagged on an “if it never happens again.” I don't think Alec would do something like this again and Magnus probably thinks that, too, but. I don't know. I feel like it should be acknowledged from Magnus as well that what Alec did here was a serious breach of privacy and this is something huge. Even if it is forgiven almost instantly I imagine Magnus was pretty worked up about it when he first found out and he should communicate that, because I feel like he tends to gloss over how much stuff affects him.

“He.. must be special.”

I love everything about the way this line is delivered. The hesitance to ask (curling his lip, glancing around), his tone... perfect. On any other occasion I would think it insolent to talk about something you found out by looking through another person's stuff without their permission, especially because Magnus's reaction earlier left no doubt that he didn't want Alec to know what was in the box. But in this situation I can't really fault Alec, because the way this must have been invading his thoughts all day is so relatable. His tone is vulnerable, he sounds wary, as if he's scared to ask. And I think he kind of is.

“He was. A brave soldier. Like someone else I know.”

I get it. Magnus is trying to lighten the mood or maybe trying to convey that he cares for Alec, but this is like the wrongest thing he could have said, and I honestly don't understand why he didn't realize that. If there is a way to make Alec feel like he's replaceable or maybe even being the replacement, comparing him to an ex Magnus obviously cared about is the best way to do that.

This pained face says it all. Alec tries to credit Magnus's attempt to cheer him up, but he can't. The fake smile falls right off his face because the implications of Magnus's words, or at least what Alec understands from them, hurts too much.

I don't really understand this smile, to be honest. It's not an “Ah dammit, that fell flat”-Smile and Alec's :l-face really doesn't warrant a real smile, so. I don't understand it. Suggestions?

Especially because Magnus senses the fraught mood and tries to distract with cocktails immediately after this. He wouldn't do that if he honestly thought everything was fine i.e. he believed Alec's fake smile.

>>fast forward>>

I love this. I feel like half the time Magnus's No. 1 Coping Mechanism with issues is Ignore It Until It Goes Away. (Just remember the Soul Sword Debacle: “It's all in the past.” Wtf dude it was literally two days ago and it was a big ass issue and not talking about it is really not helpful... but whatever, that's not the point here.) Magnus had the perfect set up to ignore the issue at hand. If he'd gone and come back with drinks I have no doubt that Alec would have let it go, put on an unaffected face and faked his way through, acting as if this didn't eat him up inside. Magnus probably knows this, too. This is the moment Magnus realizes he can't do this to Alec, to them. And even though it's the harder choice he chooses to address it.

“You're not jealous, are you?”

Perfect.

“You were weird before, when I asked about moving in.”

I love how this isn't objectively an answer to Magnus's question, but really is. This isn't about some soldier guy or jealousy. This is about Alec wondering if he's the only one currently residing in Magnus's heart. I love that the box wasn't the only cause for his wondering; the Moving In Talk was a different incident factoring into Alec's thoughts. He didn't see the box and freak out – he's trying to piece a picture together based on two unrelated events.

Magnus. This isn't an answer. The way he delivers it, dismissive head shake and all, is (in my opinion) a calculated move. It really doesn't seem that way, but Magnus is a good actor. (He gets that form Harry. Hahaha ok sorry for that li'l punch through the forth wall. Shutting up now.) I get why he does it. He must have realized by now that Alec is feeling insecure, and going into how these people still mean something to him, and how he kinda in a way maybe still loves them isn't really the right conversation topic for now... but you can't tell me he would just shake off a past lover like that, like the fact that he's been dead for a century means he lost his place in Magnus's heart. Just remember the reverent way with which Magnus touched the objects in the box earlier. He wouldn't do that, wouldn't have this box at all if he really meant that head shake.

*“The man's been dead for over a century.” Incorrect subtitles strike again, trying to smoothen that statement. “The man”? You can't convince me Magnus would talk like that about someone he loved once.

>>fast forward>>

Again, perfect delivery. There's impatience, incomprehension and undeniable tension. He could have made sense of all the stuff being George's, but to keep all these things from different people.. he can't understand it or doesn't want to understand what it means, and it's clearly alarming him.

Damn. You can see the pain of memories, the melancholy in his eyes.

*“Why do you keep it?”

I'm not too sure what to make of that line, because it lacks the urgency from before. Alec seems kinda relieved to know that the stuff didn't belong to one person alone, tho why? The only explanation that makes sense to me is that he doesn't expect a relationship to have that much of an impact past its expiration date. Like Magnus's life is divided into different compartments and now that he's with Alec, all the past relationships he's had are in closed boxes (pun not intended) and don't interfere. It's probably a naive way of looking at it, but this is Alec's first relationship and even though he is very mature in most aspects of his life I believe there are some things you have to experience to extend your expertise past a certain point.

Okay, thanks for casually breaking my heart. As an avid fan of Merlin and Doctor Who I'm no stranger to immortality angst, but this is the one aspect I tend to ignore because it's too painful to deal with. Outliving everything and everyone you know is one thing, but forgetting them? And being entirely helpless to do something against it? To be honest I'm very glad I'm mortal.

>>fast forward>>

“Well. Now that I've seen some of that history with my own eyes...”

The way he looks, the way he closes his eyes for a second, the way he swallows. He's scared of rejection. He's scared this will turn out to be a thing Alec can't deal with. All honesty wouldn't have helped. It would have all been in vain, and he's bracing himself for that.

I'm not usually one for symbolism, but this, this even I couldn't miss. The shot shows Alec and Magnus in opposite sides of the frame, with a thick black void between them. This is their argument, this shows how they fail to communicate and reach one another at this moment in the conversation. (Keep this in mind for later.)

Yeah, well. That is the face of a person that has spend a lot of time thinking about that exact thing already. In general, in other cases, and about Alec.

So first off I wanna give a shout out to that facial expression because it's both hilarious and wonderful. Second off, Alec completely disregards Magnus’s perspective here, which is understandable since he's only just started thinking about that whole thing and is therefore fixed on his own perspective.

It makes Magnus's outburst all the more understandable. Because Alec makes it sound as if moving on will be easy for him. His frustration is palpable, because he's been in this exact same position often enough already to know that the outcome is always the same. He lives on, his love dies. And nothing can change that.

Also I love that even though Magnus raises his voice, probably for the first time since they know each other, Alec doesn't flinch back or anything. He just looks at Magnus, assessing him.

“I am immortal! It's not as if I have a choice. I can't change what I am and neither can you.”

And here they are now. Raw.

This is Magnus, full on pleading to let the subject drop.

The way he slowly walks up to Alec and finally holds onto his jacket. Alec can't deny him. He nods those little nods that you do when you know you have no choice but to agree, but at the same time you wanna curl up somewhere and feel miserable for a while.

Also, remember that stuff about symbolism? Here we have the second part. Magnus crossed the void and they are on the same side now. I wouldn't say that the worst part of their conflict is over, but they've decided to take a break from it for now, and that itself is a small victory.

Alec doesn't answer, he leans in and kisses Magnus, though that is probably answer enough.

And while Magnus keeps his eyes closed (the way he almost always does after they kiss) and seems to look at least a little peaceful, Alec is watching him and thinking sad, serious, alec-y thoughts.

“You're right. I love you, too.”

Yeah, I feel like that 'you're right' part only means Magnus's implied 'I love you.'

That line. It's so much. It's continuing Magnus's theme of staying in the moment, but at the same time it's an allusion to Alec's “I'm not going anywhere.” Magnus isn't exactly reminding Alec of what he promised, it's more like he's repeating it to himself, a reassurance. Because he's the one that was reminded of his pending loss by this conversation.

Alec smiles, and it does look genuine. Despite his dark thoughts Magnus can bring out his happiness.

But as soon as Magnus leaves we get this

and it's clear that this is far from over.

Also I feel like the theme that played in the background was the same as during those Scenes where Magnus was contemplating his past with his mother killing herself and he killing his father, so yeah. Great mood reference.

(Gif Source)