#and they're more along the lines of hating society and not enjoying time (tm)

[bitegore]

being able to catch your fucked up mentol eelness thoughts when they happen not being able to tell that they're fucked up except from an outsider pov is so genuinely weird. like, i'm used to them being from shit like anxiety or depression or random hallucinations which i thought were normal until like last year and those all have a particular flavor, that like. makes them wrong. you know? like you can tell something is wrong.

i got really upset with a friend the other day and was talking to someone else about it, not shit talking them, just. talking, you know? to get the feelings out, because i knew it was in confidence and i didn't particularly want it to go anywhere and it was that or spit my brain on tumblr or twitter the way i do. and midway through my friend was like "uh dude these statements make no sense" and like. i blinked and went oh yeah okay that was deeply uncharitable. maybe true, maybe not, but uncharitable. and like it wasn't even true, honestly, after i sat for a while it didn't really make that much sense, and my friend also pointed that out, but like- i spent quite a while sitting on the bpd dsm-5 page going "well shit, i do all of this but the splitting, huh" and nope! no, i apparently very much do do that! i just literally can't tell because it just feels like being annoyed and uncharitable, and then when i'm back to baseline i am like "wow i was really pissed off and uncharitable earlier but now i'm good and that was incorrect" and like. huh

how am i supposed to stop doing something i can't even tell i'm doing?