#and third for weird reblogs im not entirely sure what to do with

[gaspshichat]

hi chat. pearl made me cry at 9:30 in the morning so y'all know what time is it. warning there will be swears [i say the f word ☹️] bc i haven't slept but i'm somehow not sick rn which. hasn't happened in weeks

[and a quick health update: pretty sure i have narrowed down what's making me sick to three possible things. i'm hopefully seeing my doctor soon bc the refill on my meds expires in june. we're so close and i haven't been able to breathe]

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OH MY GOD. Y'ALL. IF YOU'RE FOLLOWING ME AND SOMEHOW AREN'T A PEARL FAN. HOW ???? GO. GO BE A PEARL FAN. IT'S A THREAT

pearl is funny and kind and caring. there is a reason i gave her 10k bits the other day. she deserves the entire world and more. i don't know what the world did to her that made her so kind

i'm not the only one who has a message though !! here are a few messages from people but i've seen so many in reblogs and tweets and whatnot

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from my lovely partner tay aka twitter user PandoraRxse: I can’t catch streams very often but your videos always make me smile and I always look forward to a new upload. Keep doing what you’re doing, you’re amazing Pearl

from lovely twitter user SKYBL1NGS: shes like genuinely super funny and has great content that everyone can get into and shes really pretty and i loce pearlecentmoon

from a lovely anonymous twitter user: she is genuinly such an amazing artist, both in minecraft and in real life, all of her art is so lively in a way that i'm not sure how to describe best. also she is such a kind human being :))

from lovely tumblr user sapphicwhimsy: pearl is such a lovely and sweet person. shes SO kind to everyone in chat, new or old, and creates such a lovely environment to hang around in. her streams are the only ones i can sit through fully, and she has SUCH a lovely voice! i could listen to her read the dictionary, because im sure she would make it interesting. she has such a way to make everything interesting! even things like sitting still for thirty minutes can be something interesting in a pearl stream, because shes always got such amazing things to say. shes absolutely beautiful, inside and out, with a kind soul that matches her through and through. the fact that she always tries to read everyone out personally, and tries to pronounce their names correctly - and accepts corrections wholeheartedly - is so nice. and shes so wonderfully accepting to all of her community, and always has well wishes for everyone. shes truly a very wonderful and accepting person, who deserves the world! honestly the sweetest person ive ever came across.

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anyway onto the next part of why i made this post

HOW THE FUCK IS SHE SO PRETTY. WHAT. IT'S GENUINELY UNFAIR. SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE COULD BE A GODDAMN SCULPTURE

LIKE COME ON. I WISH I COULD DRAW SO I COULD DRAW HER. SHE'S BEAUTIFUL. WHAT THE HELL. LOOK AT HER

featuring other GORGEOUS women. my god. i am so

anyway :)) it took me an hour and a half to write this bc i kept getting distracted. in short. pearl is so amazing and wonderful. it's weird how she remembers things about me and actually cares ???

also. SHE PRONOUNCED MY NAME CORRECTLY ???? I'VE HEARD SUCH TERRIBLE PRONUNCIATIONS BUT PEARL. SHE SAID IT RIGHR FIRST TRY. WHAT. i kind of want to hear how karn would attempt to pronounce it

[bc yes. i'm okay with anyone, including streamers, calling me vyren. you know me better than my dad does. it's okay to call me vy, vyren, gasp, or gasps]

sleepy brain wrote this post and i want to say so much more but i can't. i had a better message when i did my 10k bits message but that thing is long gone. the only way pearl knows about those bits is if she sees this

and to her community: i love y'all. y'all are lovely. thanks for helping make my shitty life a little brighter. the world may not be kind to me, but y'all are. thank y'all for that. y'all are so lovely

pearl, if you see this, sending all the love to you and your three cats. and yes. karn is the third cat

[fauxridium]

What is exactly is the deal with pretty-boy-thamaturge? I know you reblogged a post about them and even though I'm not into that fandom that is, I checked to block anyway and they have you on a post that says ask to follow if you support him. They also made a post about a transmed stalking them, but I don't for sure know if they're referring to you, but I've been following you since you drew Zelda stuff and well, you definitely do not seem like one. Mainly I'm just concerned about their deal wit

The basic low down is that they're a self admitted conservative, pro cop, and are transphobic (even if they id as trans now, they still back up and support transphobic ideologies) so like. In general just not a good person with their world views lmao

I am Definitely not a transmed, if they were talking about me i have no idea where they would even get that from, i literally have transmed under my dni criteria in my carrd so. Lol, im also a very high fem non op trans man myself so me being transmed literally makes 0 sense fjskv

But to summerize my Personal issues with this person as best and as short as possible. I have osdd with a system member that kins faux and is not comfortable with doubles (they can cause very bad episodes of unreality that can become potentially dangerous for the body), they have did with a system member that kins faux and is not comfortable with doubles (for similar reasons as far as im aware), they joined a brc server im in (a public fandom server, not meant for kinnie stuff, mind you), and put in their intro like. Literally me no doubles or smth along those lines and listed faux, so I, in good faith, messaged them to let them know that i also kin faux and am not comfortable with doubles and would like to work something out so we could both be in the server and still be comfortable, they didnt take it well, ended up leaving the server (or being removed, still not sure what happened there because they were causing issues in the server Anyways), and then they proceeded to just be? Very weird fjeg, they had me blocked certain places, but didnt have me blocked on others, and would still try to interact with me as if we were chill. For some reason even tho i apparently trigger them (which. Idk if someone triggered me by just simply existing i wouldnt try talking to them DJDG), i ended up blocking them on everything once i was told about the kind of transphobic shit they were retweeting and them being a cop boot licker, and honestly. If anyone was doing any stalking it was them, because atp i simply forgot about it and redid my carrd to what it is now, and literally within a handful of hours of me doing it, like within the same night, i was told and shown that they redid their entire carrd to look basically exactly the same as mine, and even stole the icon i edited myself specifically for My carrd, the one im using as my icon rn, but they used the same bg and shit and while like. Everything else there could be plausible deniability on why it was the same. The fact that they took the icon i made myself just made it obvious they took everything from my carrd, they have since changed it a bit to look at least. A bit different, but are still using my icon lmao, so again, if anyone was the stalker in this situation it was def them because how would they see i changed my carrd That quickly after i had already blocked them and then. Choose to basically copy it if they werent checking my shit like. Is that not stalkerish behaviour DJSKG

Theres some other shit with them pretending to be a 3rd party to defend themselves in my bfs inbox but they ended up forgetting to hit anon on a follow up message they sent which basically just. Outed them for lying about being a third party who "doesnt know them very well but had to get on a call with them to calm them down" which like. Lol okay, mostly that's just cringe but also goes to show that they're not a trust worthy person who lies to try to defend themselves lmao

My main issues with them anyways isnt really with the personal shit, i dont like them for it sure, but i think the fact that they're trying to hide being conservative on tumblr while making it obvious on twitter by once again, interacting and retweeting from notoriously bigoted people and accounts is honestly deplorable, especially in a fandom that has a lot of trans people in it who def Would Not interact or associate with them if they knew the type of shit they were rting and posting on twitter. Hell they even admitted to being conservative themself in the replies of one of my posts, like. Idk PERSONALLY i just dont think we should allow for bigots in fandom spaces that are, again, full of many trans people. Also being pro cop but being into a game that is Very Anti Cop. Like how did you miss the point that bad lmfao

BASICALLY TLDR they are not a good or trust worthy person and anyone who is trans or anti cop or really have any morals at all should stay far far away from them lmao

EDIT: WAS JUST INFORMED THEY COPIED MY N$F￦ TWITTER HANDLE TOO. @ THIS PERSON IF YOU SEE THIS POST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR GODS SAKE FJSKGSGD

[heylavellan]

dragon age prompts: magic edition

feel free to use these and reblog them! you may find it useful to use the first letter of the theme + number.

demons and spirits

you turned into an abomination and now i have to kill you

you turned into an abomination but i really dont want to kill you so we're on the run now

"i wasn't bisexual until i met a desire demon"

trying to explain to the love spirit "no, i can't have them because they are taken"

i didn't realise i loved you until a demon used you against me in the fade

there was this really weak looking spirit in the fade so i let it come back with me. turns out it was a rage demon who needed a break.

one character attracts these really weird spirits that no one's heard of. but they swear they really did meet a demon of narcissism while bathing in a lake and that a spirit of integrity was the only thing holding a ruin together

i was going to die, but this spirit is the only thing keeping me alive at this point. let's not discuss this. (they discuss it anyway).

we got into a big argument over the nature of spirits and demons, and a third person is making us do something together to get along.

im pretty sure you're a demon, but i'd rather live in this illusion than face reality

the circle

i know im just an apprentice, but i'm really down bad for the knight commander so can they be at my harrowing?

you sneak me books from the restricted section of the library and in return i dont tell the first enchanter that you also steal supplies behind the tranquils' back

"who's going to tell the first enchanter?"

i know i'm using blood magic, but the cats keep eating my favorite plant and i would just like it to stay alive. please dont tell the templars.

this sounds worse than it is, but i accidentally destroyed all the apprentices' phylacteries. what should we do?

so this really cute new mage came in and they're from a rival noble family. im not sure if i want to kiss or kill them.

sharing a lyrium bottle to see who can make cooler illusions.

you and i fundamentally disagree on a theory of magic, but a third person has to explain why we're both wrong.

alternatively, you and i fundamentally disagree on a theory of magic, but disproving a third person's theory helps us reconcile our differences

court mages

"respectfully, your highness, i cannot maintain perfect weather in the palace at all times."

"respectfully, your highness, i could maintain perfect weather in the palace, but it's a waste of my talents."

the heir keeps sneaking into my office and messing with my calculations to support the upcoming battle. please stop.

the commander and i CANNOT be in the same room under any circumstance because we will get into a fight

i'm really falling in love with one of the heirs, but i'm a mage so i really can't have them. oh, they're engaged now? ouch...

"why am i your court mage if you refuse to take my advice?"

"i can guarantee you that no one in this meeting is possessed."

look, my parents don't really care for the plight of mages. when i become monarch, i'll make sure mages are listened to

i understand those are your circle robes, but now you're in my court and you really can't wear something that ugly.

apostates

i don't get why anyone calls you an evil witch in the forest, you're quite nice and give me tea on wednesdays

so if your entire family are templars did they just let you be an apostate?

please don't call me an apostate. it makes me sound ugly. maleficarum makes me sound sexier.

you spent the past year chasing me because im a blood mage but do you really want to stop the hunt? do you really want to kill me?

i swear i saw my true love in the forest, they just changed into a mouse and ran away.

"nothing you say will ever make me trust an apostate."

you are the only apostate i've never handed over to the templars

i'm a grey warden recruiting folks, and you are way more competent than circle mages. wanna enlist?

tranquility

you are the reason i no longer believe all mages should be tranquil

something happened, i'm no longer tranquil, and i'm freaking out.

after being made tranquil, you were the only one willing to hire me. your treatment of me is unexpected.

i thought you deserved to be made tranquil, but seeing you after i'm not so sure

sharing our last kiss before we're both made tranquil

after being gone for two weeks, i come back and found you made tranquil.

"life would be better if i was just tranquil!"

[s1utspeare]

OMGOMGOMG U REBLOGGED THIS OK UHHHHHHH GIMME FO YE FEELS

FO-YE???? YOU WANT FO-YE?????? 

How I feel about this character: i fell in love with fo-ye literally yesterday. cause like. ok ok it was so funny cause i started mystic nine under the impression that fo-ye was like. an old wise dude cause zhang rishan was always like “my master. fo-ye. i must follow His Path.” so i thought fo-ye was just gonna be chilling at ninety but then HE TURNED OUT TO BE GORGEOUS??? LIKE HOLY SHIT SIR. but I was still on the M9 bus for zhang baby rishan and thEN i saw a behind the scenes blooper clip where William Chan laughed and i was gone. sorry. i love him now. 

also writing the Fo-Ye scenes in Swiftly Tilting ended me and i would like to formally sue myself for emotional damages

All the people I ship romantically with this character: i am a firm supporter of the er-ye/yatou/fo-ye/xinyue polycule. They would all?? be perfect together?? also it just makes sense. fo-ye is literally SO GAY for er-ye it’s insane. This man sold all of his shit for er-ye. he would do anything for him. and I think that he and Yatou would also get along very well?? like they’re the two introverts of the group, and they have quiet chats over tea while er-ye teaches xinyue stage combat in the yard. and i genuinely really like him and xinyue together! she’s so bright and feisty and doesn’t take any of fo-ye’s shit! also (im only on episode fourteen so this might become True Canon later) i headcanon that zhang rishan ADORES xinyue and they’re like. best friends. xinyue is vp of the fo-ye fanclub only bc zhang rishan is way too good at being president. 

also they’re all like. real actual adults?? like they have their SHIT together i just want them to live happily ever after with each other in domestic bliss and invite fuba over for dinner. and also they have the biggest bed known to man bc xinyue does NOT like cuddling when sleeping and also she kicks and er-ye always has to be the big spoon bc he’s a caretaker at his core and yatou like sleeping on the outside bc she doesn’t want to feel trapped and fo-ye secretly takes a lot of comfort in being in the middle of cuddle piles bc he likes being able to tell where everyone is subconsciously so they have like a specially built bed that’s like a double king so they can all sleep together but also have their preferences be met. damn why did i write so much about their bed. uh anyway. polycule rights 

(also i kinda ship fo-ye/Third Prince bc all of their interactions at the auction WERE FUCKING ADORABLE)

My non-romantic OTP for this character: ZHANG BROS BABBBBYYYYY also i really like his relationship with ba-ye??? i would never ship them romantically (mostly bc ba-ye is Way Too Done with fo-ye at literally any moment) but they are SO GONE FOR EACH OTHER PLATONICALLY. like episode one we had fo-ye coming in to kick Everyone’s asses and save ba-ye and if that doesn’t give u BroTP vibes i don’t know what will. Also love all of the ba-ye and fo-ye Life Changing Field trips. 

My unpopular opinion about this character: he’s kind of a dick??? like not overtly and not a lot but like. he sort of ruined peng sanbian’s life (not that peng sanbian was a particularly good person) and his marriage?? and he arrested chen pi for like no reason instead of just talking to him and then fucked off to beiping and let zhang rishan deal with that mess. and he’s constantly going behind er-ye’s back and manipulating him into doing things and also that one scene where he made zhang rishan and ba-ye just stand there and watch while he investigated the Weird Tomb when he KNOWS that zhang baby rishan would literally be so anxious the entire time and inevitably Fuck Something Up due to his constantly need to Be of Help to Fo-Ye. And don’t even get me STARTED on whatever the fuck he was doing in Gutongjing. And making Zhang Rishan feel like he could never move on or be happy bc he had to follow him, even in death. and i think he knows that he’s doing it, too

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I WISH WE KNEW FOR SURE HOW HE DIED I WISH WE KNEW THIS. it feels like there’s something so huge missing there and i want to find out about it ASAP. like. we sort of have an idea of it but he’s so intertwined with Gutongjing and Jiumen and Warehouse 11 that it seems super remiss to just leave out his death and the events surrounding it, but then again the series isn’t finished so if we get fo-ye death backstory in sha hai 2 i’m committing atrocities

IN CONCLUSION FO-YE I LOVE HIM here’s a screenshot of Zhang Baby Rishan checking out ✨Dat Ass✨

[l0chn3ss]

l0chn3ss update

I feel like the last time I ever really active on tumblr was in the year 2016, so i want to address my absence between 2017-2020. Part of it is because I feel like I owe it to my friends and mutuals who I just basically left on read and another part is because I’ve always treated this blog as a personal blog that documents my life and my growth. I put off writing this for a long time but now that I have a huge paper due, now is definitely the time.

You are welcome to skip but I will address a few hard hitting questions I feel should be answered, especially since I feel like I departed like an anti-hero of a bad tv show.

Where I am currently: I am in grad school to obtain a master’s in library and information science. I have a full time job at different middle school libraries, though I work from home now. I also tutor kids on the side to pay for my tuition because I basically make minimum wage. Quarantine messed with my head at first, but now I’m feeling much better and I’m trying to reconnect with friends and close a lot of loose ends.

TLDR: I took an extended break because tumblr mobile sucks and my laptop needed serious repairs. I made a huge migration away from social media in 2018. I prioritized my education and in-person connections, which fell to shit because of my fandom involvement in the past. I did not like the direction of the main fandom I participated in and knew that many of the people I once respected did not respect me in return/ Us versus them mentality. I recognized that I treated my life on tumblr too seriously and took petty drama personally. I am sporadically on tumblr now because I genuinely enjoy the social connection and because I still like running fandom events.

Yes, you can reblog this. I’d love for this narrative to be heard.

Long version: To preface this, this post is being written to give myself closure and because I really am procrastinating on my final big paper of this semester. I’ll be tackling on the points in the tldr in a longer narrative that will appear to be in an expository fashion, which I recognize will be a source of contention, but my intentions are to throw it onto the table so that I can be freed. I can let it go and move on. I’m no longer a 20 years old who cared too much of what other people think and will think; I think differing perspectives are important and I want to give myself a chance to say my piece. That and I recognize that I lost the audience that I once had, so I doubt this will be an issue at all. It’s been 4 or what ever years, let’s just not.

Back in 2015-2016 there was a huge back and forth between three groups of people in the SE fandom. The reason why I’m not listing out the name is because I don’t want this to show up in the tags. I’d say that the three groups could be seen as quite literally the soma shippers (mostly white, demi sexual girls), lgbt centric bloggers (very kid or star oriented, very fed up with soma), and the people who were deemed as alright to soma shippers (c r ona, ste inm arie, jac k im centric people). There was a constant (and understandable) tension between the first two groups while the third was like the weird cousin that everyone in the social circles liked because they sprinkled in soma for the masses. Don’t argue with me on this-- this was literally how the fandom was in 2015 and you know it.

The main issue was that one group felt that they were being inclusive towards identities and sexualities while the other felt that they were not. I remember that one of the arguments was that soma WAS an LGBT ship because people headcanonned the members to be demisexual. However, the other side of the argument was that it wasn’t good representation of a gay pairing. Now that we can look back at this 5 years later, I have two things to say: 1, I now very much understand why the argument broke out because of how heated the topic is, and I do believe that I lean more towards the “other side” now that I’m not wearing rose tinted glasses, but 2, I need to make it clear that demi people are lgbt, but a headcanon is not fact and ship diversity was the main question at hand, not the ship itself. This argument lasted for weeks, destroyed my friendships, and no matter what I felt I did in the moment (which was to mend the fandom), it was taken as an insult.

(Side note: Somethings that I remember was being in someone’s DM’s to encourage them to participate in the large fandom events more, but once they twisted my intentions and rallied their friends, I became their enemy. I also became the mods’ enemy but then again, when was I not? I was made fun of for saying “queergender,” a term that is now currently being widely used, quite openly by someone I wanted desperately to be friends with. I was outwardly mocked by popular users who only apologized behind closed doors but didn’t bother to clear things up with their followers. Adults who were in their 30s quite literally attacked a 19 year old. It was in that moment that I realized I would never become friends with either side, and not because I didn’t want to.)

I bring this up because as I begun to stop writing soma fics, I also begun to see and understand why people moved away from it. It wasn’t the ship itself, it was the culture surrounding it. However, on tumblr we have the ability to connect intensely with the content we produce. Therefore, the ship itself began to be connected with the shippers and their attitudes towards outside pairings-- that attitude being tied into elitism.

I say this with every ounce of love I can because I once had the exact same mannerism. When you become so tied into one pairing to the point where other ships appear to threaten the existence of it and you react negatively towards it, you become rancid. The popular tag “everything is soma” takes a very dark turn. Even if readers consume another pairing’s work, they will be obliged to say “I ship soma more BUT that was cute.” They will read an entirely different topic and wonder why soma wasn’t inserted into it in the background. They will reject pairings that separate the two as if breaking them up is sin and an insult.

The only reason why I stopped writing my soma fics in 2016 was because I saw a real need to fill in the gaps of other pairings. I took what people were saying to heart and I wanted to change my ways and my perceptions. I saw the animosity of the ship culture and rejected it. I wanted to use what little influence I had to make the fandom just a bit more accepting. In 2016, I don’t think the fandom was ready for it. In 2017, they still weren’t ready for it. In 2020, I see hope, but I wonder sometimes if it’s masqueraded pity because of previous treatment.

In the middle of it all, I went from being the soma angst master to becoming the weird person everyone once knew. I was the friend that people excluded from group chats and I just “wasn’t the same.” Cliques grew extremely large in power in 2017 and exclusion hurt like a bitch.

The straw that broke the camel’s back and completely shut me down was in 2017 when I was graduating as a bachelor. There was a fandom event that I decided to go all in to. For context, there used to be a huge debate on how many times a person should enter in an event, but in my mind, the more exposure the better. My graduation and the event took place at the exact same time, which was cool, but what hurt me was what happened after.

I was lucky enough to be accepted into field school (when you travel to do outdoor excavating) for my major. I’m an anthropologist-- it was an honor. I didn’t plan in advance for it, and if anything, I thought that I would be committed completely to the events and my 5 or what ever entries at the time. I’ve always prided myself in communicating with others, so I made sure to let my partners in the event know what was going on. I was so excited to be going on my first ever excavation and no one at the time said anything otherwise, in fact, they all seemed incredibly supportive. 

What I didn’t know was that I would be called out by name in the event feedback response by one person who felt that I didn’t take the event seriously enough and that I should’ve prioritized my time accordingly. Two of the mods let me know because it referred to me directly, though the name of the submitter was not included. It was not only a slap in the face, but a dumbfound moment that reminded me that wow, fandom content really is someone’s life out there. My enforced silence because of lack of internet in the woods actually upset someone and made them believe that I wronged them, because I put my real life ambitions first before a fandom event.

It was then when I woke up and I remember very clearly thinking to myself: I don’t want to be like them. I don’t want to treat my fandom life seriously. I want to participate in fandom for fun, not out of duty. I don’t want to prioritize this life because in the end, if I am hated for putting my work and education first, then I don’t want it.

(For context, I suspect that it was the same person who made a 200 note call out on me during the fandom tension. I respected this person immensely, but I also treated them like the flawed person I believe everyone is. I’m sure because of this, I’m pretty much trash in their eyes, which is totally fine. They have really cute cats so they can’t be all too bad. Don’t look into it too deeply.)

Once my month long field school was up, I was already used to not being on the internet or any of my social media accounts. I didn’t play my mobile games for a month. I didn’t read the news for a month. It was like going cold turkey on the internet, which reshaped my habits entirely. The only time that I had online within that time span was during the weekend, but I spent my time working on my projects and catching up with friends instead of being on apps.

I was also completely fed up with tumblr’s mobile app at the time, so one by one, I deleted my apps. Good bye to tumblr, snapchat, what little I used of instagram, twitter, everything. The only thing I kept was facebook, which was because it is the main platform that I use to message my boyfriend. That meant that any friends I retained from the fandom (who I still contact now) were also friends who had the chance to add me on facebook.

This was the cause of my 2 or 3 year hiatus on tumblr, and therefore the fandom. I occasionally checked back every 6 months to do a few fandom events, but I have several unopened messages and notifications that I haven’t been able to get to. I open my instagram for a few days once a year, and I only go onto twitter if my friends tell me (through facebook) that they dm’d me a post there.

When I left my online persona behind, I quickly strengthened my in person connections. New drama that erupted every other day became replaced with starbucks and boba runs. Reality TV shows replaced fanfiction. Text messages replaced the tumblr activity feed (which still doesn’t work on mobile BTW). I study at cafes unironically with friends instead of typing alone in my room. Overall, it opened my world considerably.

I still like making fun of myself and I try not to take myself seriously. I still make self depreciative memes to send to friends but then double up with kermit heart pics. I’m still a plot bunny, I still write my fics, I still watch my anime, I still play video games, I still sleep at 4am, I still take my depression medication, I still love potatoes, I still use my voice for people who can’t find theirs yet. But I think I’m in a much healthier mindset now, even if I still make stupid shifty posts calling out bad behavior.

Nowadays, I’m working on my Master’s degree in secret. My parents don’t know about it because my mom doesn’t like that I want to go out and do unladylike things like getting an education. I tutor kiddos and I’m really good with younger children, but I’m not going to do anything with kids because I just don’t want to. Instead, I want to work at an archive or a museum to bring my library interests and my anthropology background together. If I had my dream job, I would be a marine archaeologist; however I love my boyfriend of 8 years whom you probably all remember and I really came to terms with my grandeur dreams. I’m extremely happy with living in a small town with loved ones now, and I don’t need to move somewhere far away from my parents to be content. It’s a huge realization.

From 2018 to 2020 I got into actual drama in person while I was job hunting. Adult people suck and honestly it’s kind of embarrassing how ill equipped some people are. Even so, I currently work in middle schools as a media assistant. One of those realms is the library, and honestly it’s like fulfilling a prophecy. As much as I love the social aspect, public schools are an absolute train wreck.

I’m going to wrap this up now. This post is meant to help me close the past and move forward because the fandom culture feels different now. Things from several years ago don’t need to resurface. I want to enjoy my life fully, and fandom life is one of those aspects that I truly did enjoy. I’m going to keep using my voice and act like a fool, but I’m also not going to be losing sleep because of this. People are going to talk about you no matter what, whether positively or negatively, and it’s important to not take it personally.

Idk, go enjoy yourselves. Do things for yourself. It’s more fun that way.

[toziers]

can you explain what's going on right now? i keep seeing big IT blogs talking about some discourse or something but i have no idea what they're talking about other than it involves you lol

alright i like. i truly do not like having diScOurSE out in public because i’m not one to air out my dirty laundry 24/7 but seeing as how it was brought into public against my will i feel like the least i can do is clear up the situation for those who’ve been seeing the posts. 

i’m putting this under the cut bc it’s long. tws for some biphobia, brief mention of transphobia and, at the end, a rape mention. 

so if you don’t know: hi, i’m migz, i’m an it fandom blogger. its okay, i know, its really cool. part of my shtick here is that i like to turn normal thirst tags into works of art for the sake of comedy. perhaps you’ve seen some of my highlights from my “fhg” tag - perhaps your brain has been spared. either way, it became kind of “my thing” around the third or fourth week (mid nov) of me having this blog. at first, i tagged just about every ask i got mentioning the thirst tags with “bill hader” - they had to do with him, so why not tag him? it would draw more like minded people! about two days into that i got a message asking me to tag my nsfw. i am a big dumb idiot, and apologize for not initially doing it. i havent had a following bigger than like 10 in several years and completely spaced on basic etiquette. so by the end of november i was tagging everything applicable  with “notsfw” and “bill hader”. 

now you’re caught up.

on december 1st i got this message from user billhaderanti:

now i want to start by saying i absolutely was in the wrong here. i didn’t even think about how many people were being subjected to the asks i was getting - especially ones who had no idea they were all jokes. i don’t track the bill hader tag, so it just didn’t even occur to me - that’s ignorance on my part, and to anyone who was subjected to the terrors of me before my tagging system: i am genuinely sorry. i relay the same sentiment in my response, though you can tell i’m on edge.

and they replied:

clearly they Were offended by it but thats.. not the point. at this point, im feeling Really weird about the whole interaction, but still understanding, because again - i GET it. i know my posts are gross - that’s the point. it doesn’t make it excusable, though, which is why i understand why people are offended. so i responded with the only solution i Knew would keep us both safe and happy posting on our own blogs. 

so i thought this would be the end of things! i’d been pretty anxious lately already since i’d started to receive anons telling me i was gross and whore-ish for thirst posting in this way (i delete all of those, so if ur thinking about sending one, i guess no one’s stopping you but it won’t be seeing the light of the dashboard). i’m unsure if it was immediately or a few hours later, seeing as how i have a bad concept of time and the post-dates are right on the edge between nov 30 and dec 1, but i went to their blog - because anyone who has been on the internet knows the opportunity to vague post is near irresistible. and...what do ya know

fair! it’s their blog. however i am an emotionally fragile egg girl and immediately got freaked out. the odds that they were the only one who thought this were low. and, again, i’ve been very open on my blog about how important it is to respect boundaries; my posts are absolutely prone to breaking those boundaries people have created for themselves. 

so i made my own, semi-vague post, letting my following know (and i’m pretty sure i’d answered asks about it before, but this is going to be long enough w/o me searching those up too) that i understood if they wanted to block me or unfollow or whatever - people need to create their own safe spaces. the tension is pretty clear in the tags, i’m not trying to hide that. i felt that the way this woman slid into my dm’s was pretty abrasive (just my opinion/how it made me personally feel) and i let myself be a lil emotional about it in the tags of my post.

alright! maybe this is the end. maybe we both go our separate ways and post happily on our own blogs... except it’s not the end. later in the day (some of this was happening like 1/2am, so now its Day day, i believe - again, not good w time passage lol)

clearly, i’m upset. my groupchat double checked that i didn’t get too emotional in my response - did i mention im anxious about discourse lol - and apparently.. it did the trick. she didn’t message me again. great. it was over. 

at this point, i decided i needed to make an even bigger change. so a few days after i’d calmed down i created an entirely new tag for my thirst posts so if people hadn’t already hidden the notsfw posts or just blocked me outright, they’d have a third option to escape the madness. at this point, id had my blog about 6? weeks, but there were still 2k posts for me to sift through - some of them were completely untagged. i also had to do it post by post, because one of xkits features - the mass re-tagger - was getting blogs deleted for some reason, and i wasn’t going to do that. so i spent a few days going through all 2k+ posts, adding the “fhg” tag. 

YEEHAW! a brand new tagging system, no more hopping into the bill hader tag (minus one or two really funny, not super explicit asks, like the bill hader farquaad meme), and, tbf, i’d completely put this woman out of my mind. i don’t seek out drama and do my best to stay in my lane. yesterday, i checked my activity for the first time in awhile since id put out a couple new original posts that had started to get traction and i Love reading tags. i noticed a mutual had @’d me, and realized i havent checked my @’s in...ever, maybe. i see a post from my good pal billhaderanti. 

since i dont follow them and never check my @’s, i’d completely missed it. however, once i did see it, i was horrified. id gone through all that fucking work to keep my blog My Blog and also respect everyone’s boundaries and it still hadn’t been enough. i’d been awake for almost 24 hours and went. a little crazy. and i didn’t reply immediately because i just had no words. i sent it to my friends because i... i just wasn’t going to be able to figure it out myself. 

there’s a lot to unpack in this post alone, but whatever, i’m gonna put my own grievances with the immaturity of 1. making a callout post to begin with when i’d been nothing but civil 2. making a callout post about something as (in the grand scheme of Life) minor as some tags where i refer to a someone’s genitals as a “whack pack” and 3. making a callout post in such a rude way - aside. at the end, she calls me (and whoever else!) a demonic mlw (man loving woman, we assumed, and then later confirmed with a post further back on her blog). 

which - yeah, we started scrolling. at first we were looking for more vague blogs, and then we just...started finding things. billhaderanti is a self proclaimed lesbian separatist, which... fine. but it’s already pretty clear that this woman hates me on some level simply because i am a bi woman (demonic mlw, remember!) which is just. damn man i can’t believe we are still fighting the biphobic fight lol. so the more we scrolled, the more we uncovered - and not just the biphobic / vaguely mtf transphobic things they posted (or put in tags), but we also found that they had their OWN thirst tags. certainly not as hyperbolically comedic as mine, but they were there, talking about his body and his person the same (and, frankly, a bit creepier for other reasons) as mine. 

there’s one post in particular that snatched my wig in it’s creepiness - and i say creepiness in the sense that it feels personal. like this woman feels like she knows bill to some degree where she can say these things. my tags have always had a sense of distance, as they’re written for humor. and maybe this particular post was written for comedic purposes, but it doesn’t read that way, and if it WAS, then she has no right to call ME out for MY comic tags and posts. 

i’ll let it speak for itself, mostly because i don’t want to read it again. 

i also won’t be going through her blog again to find the posts with biphobic and other Interesting:tm: tags because there are plenty and i just really! want to be done with the whole ordeal! her blog is public and i’m sure you can all find it and look to your heart’s content. 

feeling a bit feral and a bit pissed off now that we knew the depth of how rotten this woman’s vibes were, a couple of my pals made a post or two similar to what my tag’s are like except turned up to eleven (if possible) - and tagged them with “bill hader” (and notsfw!!). yes, a bit childish, but at this point, the entire situation was childish, and making jokes was truly the only way we were going to get through it. another vague post went up on her blog soon after.

talking down to us, calling us children, and then for whatever reason calling us virgins... whatever, weird post. around this time most of us (est) went to bed, because it was nearing 3 or 4 in the morning. 

and then today happened. i woke up fresh and ready for the day after a wonderful 4 hours of sleep and found that jane had made an incredibly intelligent post in response to the situation. i won’t ss it, but i’ll LINK in case you missed it. attached there in the reblog is my own response. i think they can speak for themselves. 

after that, things were kind of jumbled, since i wasn’t online a lot and when i was i was Not checking my activity simply because i was afraid of what i’d see. for the most part, it ended up just being support (which i am very grateful to all of you for - it means a lot that you all enjoy my content to any degree). 

there was some more vague posting from both “““““sides”””””” of the “““““argument”””””” - mostly just people restating the fact that this is a public space and we should All be aware of how we effect others. i still hadn’t heard directly from billhaderanti, so i assumed we’d all be dropping and disengaging and moving on. i still wasn’t blocked, though, so who really knew what would happen. 

eventually, it culminated in this last post. tw for mentions of rape

i’m going to start by saying that 

1. there are nearly no teenagers that were involved in this. im turning 23 in january and most of my friends are 20+. maybe one or two are 19. 

2. none of us sent any sexually violent asks - most of us didn’t send asks at all. i believe one or two of my friends admitted to sending asks however they assured me their nature wasn’t bad; as far as i know, everyone remained civil in whatever went on (again, unclear to me as to what was being sent; no one was actively posting or talking about it. if billhaderanti wishes to elaborate, they can, but i don’t have anything to put in). 

3. before i finish this, i would like to apologize to billhaderanti. as a comedian - not just my stupid tags, i mean in real life, too - i know that humor can hurt. it’s not always funny, it’s not just stupid hahas. sometimes things that are supposed to be jokes just hit people differently and cause bad things. i recognize that. i never meant to trigger you (if you’re reading this) or cause you any severe mental/emotional harm. i apologize for my humor bringing up your trauma, and i never meant for that. regardless of my own thoughts and opinions about the nature of my posts/the thirst tags themselves, they hurt you, and i’m sorry. 

anyway, i’m going to wrap this up (i’m bad at endings, what can i say! steven king and i took the same writer’s class!). if you read all this... sorry. i probably won’t be taking any asks about it, because i find the whole “drama” of this to be stupid and rooted in some seriously biphobic issues this fully grown woman has. 

tldr; i attempted to contain my blog so this woman could exist and function safely on her blog, but it wasn’t enough for her, so she called me out, and then some of the fandom called Her out for being biphobic and mean and overall just immature about the situation. as of now, she’s yet to block me, though her and her wife have blocked a few of my friends. her wife continues to clown on my friends. this post was made for clarity’s sake. the end, i’m getting a drink. 

[fxxtballsajoke-blog]

SHIPPING INFO  //  answer the following for your muse(s) so people know how shipping works on your blog. REPOST.  don’t reblog.

WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE? : JYDIA. Second and third falling to scackson and stackson considering I’ve had the honors of forming those ships with some beautiful people

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING? : Anything except maybe anything involving extreme kink and Incest. I’m picky on when I’ll write nsfw things but im open to most. Prior discussion is appreciated just in case though

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE? Depends on the plot and comfortability over all. Jackson being 18+, I’m okay with a fairly large age gap.But I will not force any ship with significant age gaps on my partners. It only gets weird if one muse was under the age of 17 and the other had more than a decade on them.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING? : Not really. Chemistry is key, but I only have a few select ships I’m not entirely fond of.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NS.FW? : When clothes are being stripped and more detail of genitalia is mentioned. Anything prior is tagged nsfw-ish

WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH? : Easier question is who don’t i ship jackson with? I love my Allison, but I’m on the fence when it comes to shipping jackson with her. Everything is plot dependent though for sure.

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU? :  Well, if the plot/thread kinda leads there, thats cool, but asking is always okay. If you want it to be a ship, let me know! I’ll never purposefully lead a plot there of course, but testing the waters is okay. But if you’d rather not ship, letting me know is also okay!

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP? : all the time always.

ARE YOU MULTISHIP? : yis

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS? : i love sailing me some ships but i try not to control my blog.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM? : with jackson? Jydia of course, but any of my otp. Top overall and currently? its a tie between scallison, scira and sciles (team scott)

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU? : INBOX ME

tagged by : no one in particular

tagging : @mccallofthewild @littleredhccdie @lilmisslydiamartin & anyone