#and this is why i AM TERRYFING of the future of them

[opuestocomplementario]

i don't know if anyone has noticed it but boom really likes to be good and being acknowledged as such. And idk I think it is refreshing in a way? like he knows he is good and he is proud when people call him best actor, said the scenes are so good, hype the trends and the hashtags ecc ecc. and this thought lead me to the other when you can tell topform was a group project that everyone wants to be acknowledge of participating in it. like the live with boss and the producers, or the editor doing the thread while editing the show. where else have you seen this amount of involvement from people in BL?

and these people obviously want to be appreciated and the trends do matter to them, not just like to be put on a podium.The b & w honey scene wasn't a price to fans to see a more explicit scene, it was a genuine work of art that they wanted to show once people got to the show. ofc at first it might have been a price bc nc scenes are the ones where most people start a show, but with topform, by doing something new, interesting, honest if you will, it lead to another route we are not used to see

[dabiboy]

It’s finally here! Chapter one of my new Hawks fic! Is a bit short, but everything will be cleared out in the next chapters, by now enjoy the cliffhangers!

[small background: Reader was told that she was going to be part of a medical program to treat her disease, but the truth behind it was darker. There waa no program, nor treatment. After ended up trapped in feudal Japan, she gets back to Tokyo to stop the man who screwed her life. The problem? A young handsome hero is on the way. Will they be able to get rid of him? Or that young winged hero will mess with their plan? Find out in this fic!]

Chapter one: Strangers in a Not so Strange Land

Present time

''I hate these shoes, they're too tight'' The teenage boy complained as he took them off and sat on the floor, massaging the limbs. 

''Don't be an ungrateful human. You wore wood sandals for years, those shoes are more expensive than our dinner'' You rolled your eyes, turning on the old tv and sitting next to the young man, so then you could open the bag and take out the rice and dumplings.

''Yeah, that's why I'm complaining. I was used to those, you know'' He shrugged his shoulders and grabbed his portion. ''Can't I just wear them often?''

''People would look at you weird, and we can't exactly explain-'' He cut you off.

''That we are basically from the feudal time? Yeah, I get it''

''That you, are from the feudal time. I was stuck there, don't mix things'' You raised a single finger. Right after you grabbed the chopsticks to get some rice. ''Besides, it would fuck everything up before even starting it. I don't think there are to many people like us here''

''Yes, but stuck over a hund-'' The teenager said, and you could see the smashed food.

''Eat with your mouth shut, kid'' You scolded him. ''And it was not a hundred. More like... Fifty, or some shit like that'' Your eyebrows furrowed at the answer.

''Yep, you're starting to look old. Old and grumpy'' 

''One more word, and I'm sending you back there. Now eat your food before it gets cold'' You said one more time, hitting his plate with your chopsticks. ''Besides, my biological clock worked differently. I just grew three years older, or so. 

''Whatever you say'' The black haired kid laughed ''Do we have something to drink or do I have to walk to a river?''

''Uhm,'' You thought, looking at the small portion of food you could get ''It was a drink, or two food portions. Can't afford many things right now'' 

''You should get a job'' He raised his eyebrows, holding back a laugh at your confused expression.

''I got one before being part of that fucking program, but I'm guessing they are not hiring me again'' You frowned your lips.

''Yeah well, there are many things you coul-'' This time, you interrupted him.

''Shit, sorry. Wait a second'' 

You stood up quickly, and walked towards the tv to turn the volume up when you saw him. The man who had sold you a lie four years ago, screwing your life, your relation, your job, everything. And yet there he was, with a happy and unworried smile on his face talking to the cameras. Every single scar in your body burned in anger, feeling every cut as if they were freshly new. But they were old. Ages old. And that anger grew even bigger when you heard him speak, in front of all the reporters, media, important people, the world. He was selling a lie to the world. One more time.

''It's such a pleasure being here tonight, especially to inform you that the applications for our program are open again!'' The crowd clapped in excitement ''Together with the Hero Public Safety Commission, we are launching this new technology that will help us to move further into the health world. Terminal diseases, intricate health issues are all going to be solved, and treated with the best of care. the Hero Public Safety Commission has patrocinated previous researches, and they have also supported us with new technologies that are going to help us make this faster and accessible for those in need'' You clenched your teeth are such inaccuracies. The same speech was sold to you, and there you were, fucked up in many different ways. ''And surprises are not over yet! Number two hero is going to be the new face of this campaign, a sign of hope, light, and of course strength! Wing Hero Hawks, would you like to say some words?

''Uhm, I guess so. Good night y'all, as you know the main focus of this campaign is to help those in need, to give them a better future and hope for their lives, because you all deserve to enjoy this little world of us, am I right?'' He laughed and the crowd went crazy.

 How could they keep lying like that? Your blood was boiling in wrath. To take care of people? To give them a brighter future? Bullshit. That bastard was creating biological weapons, and you saw it all. Lived it in your flesh and bones. But you were not letting others go through the same. There had to be something. 

''We are going downtown tomo-''

''Found him'' You turned around quickly to see what the kid had found. ''Hawks's agency. And I might have an idea on how to get in'' 

''Why would we go after him? He's just a publicity image. We gotta get- Where the hell did you get that phone?'' You asked in total confusion when you saw him using a cellphone. So skillfully that it was almost terryfing. 

''Some man left in on the entrance table when we were waiting for our food'' His brown eyes were still on the shiny screen.

''Wait, what? We don't steal here, wanna go to jail?'' You asked in disbelief. This was going to be harder than I thought. 

''But you made me steal when we-''

''Yes, because there were no laws back then! At least not in that shitty village, and we needed to eat! this is different, kid! '' You tried to explain, but he was just to concentrated on his search. 

''Yeah, yeah. The agency is not to far from here, here says that it is some thirty minutes away'' 

''You know, to be a sixteen year old kid coming from a whole other era you're quite smart'' Surprise was in your voice, still amazed at how fast he had learnt using a phone. And an Internet search system. ''Well, I'm all ears. What do you have in mind this time, Haru?''

[Tag list: Open: @waffleareniceandfluffy ]

[coldlittleturtle-blog]

mic drop.

“no need to see each other ever again, this is my last goodbye mothing more left to say, don’t even apologize”

i am done with feeling pity for myself. cause thats all ive been doing. cause i dont know what else to called for this never-ending stories. so here it is, the last rant. cause i am not gonna waste my emotion for u, there’s no more anger, no more hatred. goodbye. 

u know about u cant really relay on people. so u basically putting ur guards up and just keep ur circle tight cause u just people dissapointed u 

despite what ive been saying, that, i like this major- it cant help but have it perks.

like i know, having bad btch on groupwork one of the factors- but im saying perhaps this because of me, once again. this is because of my shitty self which need a lot of work.

i have been quite a mess since forever. my grades quite nice, i can say i worked my ass off for every score i got. despite that, still, im quite a problematic student. i skipped class. i went in and out to 'guru bp' or student advisory just to rant my thoughts and how it bothers me. 

the depression i got when i was on economic major and bravely quit, is one last straw. all i knew back then was i cant go on, this has to stop. and im sorry, but perhaps quitting this major and start a new life on would probably the best idea. well, maybe it was.

ive never felt the relapsing and recovery as real as those 9months.  i went off dancing. my emotional eating was at its highest. i become a master at numbing the pain. i cry every now and then, i cant sleep. i told my mom i went off watching kdramas when in real life- i just distract my brain from thinking stuff.  and not able to sleep soundly cause the terryfing dreams i'd face if i close my eyes.

im pratically high. i 'open' at any possible genre, even kpop. i always said kpop is just a bunch of beautiful boys that looks like girl. and they dont even use alphabet. but there i was, watching running man and fell in love with bigbang. loser got me. and then all the hype song they had which i can dance with.

i fought my battles alone. cause i had no one to go to. other than those suicidal preventions site and tumblr posts.

i found out talking to those student advisory when i was in school is a bullshit and just coverin my attendance which was mess cause i often skip class. fact is, everytime i 'ended up' skip class (aka skip school) i was already arrived- my nerves just got really bad and i cant bear myself getting out the car and go to school. why am i feeling this- cause i just done the same bullshit today. i texted my student advisory asked her for a private session. it'll be on monday, but yeah- i thought everybody goin thru the same shit why would i be important. 

so i asked her again to 'can i just share it here, no need to come directly to u' and she said she's on a rehearsal (shes a drama club supervisor too) and i went no, its okay it doesnt have to be now.  and now i dont know what to answer again or just 'not saying anything and just let it slide to monday'

the point is. i realized i have spent years talking to the same 'advisory' they are no help. theyre just there-

so i see this as a 'im not going back there again, imma fight this my own- imma share it to this little circle i have and NOT some strangers with titles'

bts saved me. those stupid tumblr posts saved me. and i found out i get help from those things- and not some strangers. after bangtan i met u. i opened up my wars. my wounds are wide open now, and i feel everybody know the real me. the shit ive been going thru.

i realized now.. i dont need to be moping around tellin my stories to people who dont even care.  but i can inspire those who can appriciate, and be a good person for them. a good friend, cause they know my worse, and they're worthy my gold. 

all im saying is that, i am done with all this. yes, i am likely to be having those days, but i will go through it simply. i am gonna work my best on school, i am done pitying myself but i will still know my worth. 

i am done telling the stories. but i am also done numbing the pain. i am going to embrace those shitty feelings cause thats what it means to be a human. and for my past- i forgive you. i will not talk about you anymore, now i am just grateful that because of you, i can be this person right now. 

i am still going to make a post about it, later on. but just know, that everything i will write in the future- will be just fine. 

this is my story. and i am gonna be just fine.