#and will withdraw from bf etc bc everything feels pointless and unfair
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Also for someone so obsessed with pure, true romantic love and finding it, i sure do struggle with emotional permanence
I say as if I'm not mentally ill with attachment and polarisation issues that i am the classic textbook definition of
And I've noticed my attachment style is changing a little. Still very much anxious, but with increasingly disorganised tendencies
#one moment ive resigned myself to a fate of never being understood and loneliness#and will withdraw from bf etc bc everything feels pointless and unfair#then a couple of hours later ill be clinging onto him for dear life and worshipping every little affectionate gesture#i dont display it and i act regulated bc its not fair to make people suffer just because i am#like i dont mask sround k 99% of the time bc our average is the same and we both like silence and stony resting faces#so he'll know if I'm sad or spiraling and he'll comfort me (and vice versa) and well talk about it sometimes#but im cautious of his feelings and dont let out my endless stream of consciousness regarding my moments of avoidance#suffered enough from partners with uncontrolled avoidant tendencies who didnt bother trying all and i refuse to put anyone through that
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