#and with his insomnia and having to be at work between 3-5am he's barely sleeping while doing all of this

[heloisedaphnebrightmore]

Absurd ideas [Sirius Black x Reader]

Title: Absurd ideas Pairing: Sirius Black x Female!Reader and Remus Lupin x Own Character Word count: 4.7k Published: 12 January 2021 Author: Heloise Daphne Brightmore  Notes: Not my best work, but I hope some of you will enjoy it. Summary: Sirius’ jealousy causes a misunderstanding which inevitably ends up with him getting worked up and everyone else being confused. Most of all you, when you realise he thinks he knows what you feel, but he couldn’t be farther from the truth. Bingo: [x] This is part of my Make me feel Bingo Card by @girl-next-door-writes​​

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You were seated in a room, rubbing your tired eyes on a bed that didn’t even belong to you. It wasn't just any room with any bed though. You were in the male dormitory of the Gryffindor House of Hogwarts, seated in the marauder's bedroom, specifically on Sirius Black's bed. Just like on every full moon, you waited for the boys impatiently, to make sure that they were in one piece as they arrived back from their wild adventures.

It was about 5am when the sun started to rise. You barely slept an hour or two, waking up almost every half an hour, concern and worry taking over you with a pinch of insomnia that you were used to on a daily basis. The boys should have been back already, but they took their sweet time, making you even more anxious, than you dared to admit. You took deep breaths to calm yourself down, just as the door opened with a loud thud hitting the wall behind it.

Looking at the entrance, you saw James first, holding up a barely conscious Remus, whose arm hung off his friend's shoulder, before you saw Sirius on his other side, helping James carrying the boy. You ran up to them and hurried them over to Remus' bed, wanting to check on the boy as soon as you could. They placed him on his bed as gently as they could and stood back, giving you just enough space. They stood silently with hunched backs, visible dark circles under their eyes and tired expressions across their face as they watched you.

You ran to the bathroom to fill up a bowl with lukewarm water and took a face cloth off the towel rack. You walked back to the room, balancing the water in your hands, the bowl wobbling unsteadily, splashing a bit of water on the floor. Silly you didn't bring your wand, so you had to improvise.

By the time you arrived back in the room, James and Sirius already undressed Remus and threw his clothes on the floor, on the other side of the bed.

You set the items down on the nightstand next to Remus and turned towards the other boys. Peter was already in bed, slightly snoring, which caused you to shake your head with a gentle smile. He must have been exhausted and you didn’t blame him for it. You couldn’t have imagined what they were going through each full moon, but from the stories you’ve heard and the state they always returned in, you understood most of it.

James was sitting on his bed, his back hunched, his neck hiding in between his shoulders, his face hidden behind his palms. The deep, tired sighs and the posture he took on screamed for a well-deserved rest, but the boy was restless until he knew his friend was safe.

Sirius however didn’t return to his side of the dorm. He was still standing next to Remus' bed with an exhausted expression, but more of a concern for his friend. He seemed to be the most worn out of all the boys, except for Remus. You knew he wouldn’t listen, but you wanted nothing but for them to finally rest.

"Sirius, Remus is going to be fine. So just go ahead and rest. Get some sleep," you told him as you nudged his shoulder, tilting your head towards his bed. “You too Mister, you need to recharge,” you pointed at James who let out a silent and exhausted laughter.

"It's fine, we have to take care of Remus,” Sirius turned back to you, but you had no intention of taking no for an answer. You got hold of his shoulder and started gently nudging him to his bed. He chuckled at your attempt, but you didn’t find it funny, not in the situation you were in. You pushed him down on his bed, in a sitting position and placed your hands on your hips, giving him a deadly glare.

"I get it, you are worried, but leave him to me. You need to sleep. It’s written all over your faces how exhausting tonight has been. So, please, just listen to me,” you didn’t wait for them to agree, you turned around and walked back to Remus. You started off by cleaning the injuries on his face first, before you continued with his arms and then legs as you crouched down next to his bed. Blood was still dripping from his body from some of the more serious injuries. He involuntarily hissed each time you cleaned an open wound and you apologised every time you caused him even more pain. You looked up at his face, feeling guilty for hurting him even more, but you knew it was necessary.

"It’s been very hard to handle him tonight. Even before sundown he said he felt anxious and restless," James spoke up as he took off his trousers and got comfortable in his bed.

"It's over now, so don't think about it, guys. Get some sleep and by the time you wake up, all of you will be just fine," you smiled gently as you continued to apply a cream on Remus' wounds that Madam Pomfrey gave to the boy. You were so focused on your task to take care of Remus, you couldn’t even sense a presence behind you.

"Thank you for helping us," you heard and turned around to meet the most beautiful grey eyes. Sirius leaned down to you, his long black locks falling into his face and hinted a small kiss on the top of your head.

"You don't have to thank me. I feel better knowing my friends are in good hands," you replied with a tender smile. "And now go to bed, before I force you myself," you laughed softly.

"Now that makes me want to stay and wait it out," he chuckled playfully as you pushed his chest away from you.

"Shush, just get some rest, Sirius," you smiled, shaking your head, before turning back to Remus to continue his treatment.

You stole Remus’ wand to perform a couple of easier healing spells to speed up his recovery, before placing it back on the nightstand beside him.

It took you only a couple of minutes to finish taking care of him, but by the time you were done, you could hear mixed sounds of snoring coming from all over the room. You smiled at the idyllic moment, giving you a certain warm feeling to be able to see one of the most important people in your life being so peaceful.

You looked up at Remus’ face, whose painful expression has finally disappeared and has become more relaxed, somewhat content. You sat on the floor, beside his bed and laid your head on the edge, feeling exhausted. You could barely keep your eyes open anymore and before you knew it, they closed on their own.

However, you didn't realise the saddened grey pair of eyes gazing at you, as you decided to stay by his friend's side. He didn't want to be jealous, especially not in a situation where he knew his friend needed you more, but your presence so close to someone else beside himself made him feel uneasy. He shook the thoughts off as soon as he could, feeling guilty about his own emotions and tried to sleep, rolling from left to right. Exhausting, he was more than ever, but sleep didn’t take him immediately. Your sleeping beside his friend didn’t let him rest.

He got out of his bed and picked up the blanket laying at the foot of his bed, before he walked behind you and gently placed the cover over your shoulders. You sniffled in your sleep and scrunched up your nose, making him smile at your adorable expression. He removed a loose piece of hair from your face, adoring your sleeping form, before he went back to his bed and finally fell asleep. Your adorable expression being the last thing he saw before he fell into slumber left a small smile across his face.

*

You were seated in the Gryffindor common room, legs hanging over the arm of your chair as you looked over to the sofa from time to time, ignoring the book in your hands. You didn’t necessarily want to eavesdrop, but you were in the same space, so you couldn’t pretend not to hear the conversation between Remus, Sirius and James.

"When are you going to tell her?" James asked Remus. The boy’s face turned red, heavily blushing under his friends’ intense gaze.

"Can we just leave this subject?" He asked frowning, clearly unhappy about the conversation his friend initiated.

"No, we can’t. It couldn’t be more obvious that you like her. You can't keep avoiding it," James shook his head, heaving a deep sigh.

"I am not avoiding it. I can't tell her," Remus whispered, but his tone seemed agitated.

"And why in Godric's name is that?" James pushed, being tired of the same conversation over and over again. You have heard about Remus’ crush before, it wasn’t anything new, but Remus always found a reason, a fault within him that he used as an excuse not to confess his feelings.

"Because I would risk her life. Even if I took the necessary precautions, how would I explain to her that I had to disappear on every full moon? It's just impossible, James," he replied, heaving a sigh in defeat. “And why would she even like me? It’s just a lost cause, guys, so let’s just forget it,” seeing his pain, you couldn't stop the apologetic expression from spreading across your face. You felt sorry for him, for not having enough confidence in himself, for thinking so lowly of his personality and looks. He was an amazing person and you just didn’t understand how he couldn’t see that.

Without your knowledge though, someone else realised the change in your demeanour. He thought he was over feeling uneasy about you and his friend’s relationship, but to see you being upset about his friend talking about another girl, made his heart clench. He didn’t want to admit how badly your reactions to Remus affected him, but he couldn’t ignore the pain in his chest whenever he caught your eyes focused on his friend. He felt guilty, he knew he shouldn’t have felt the way he did, but he couldn’t control his feelings.

He knew you felt empathetic towards his friend, he knew you had a very close friendship, but from his point of view, he thought your side of the friendship was beyond what you should feel for a friend. He felt as if you were closer to his friend as if he was only second on an invisible list. He was hurt by the realisation that he came to find. That maybe, just maybe, you had feelings for his friend.

"Hi Remus,” a blonde girl walked down the stairs of the female dormitory, heading towards the exit of the Gryffindor common room with a shy smile across her face, eyes focused only on Remus. “Hey, guys,” she quickly added as she realised they weren’t the only one in the room.

"Hi Jane." Remus replied with a slight blush, watching as the girl offered him a soft smile.

"And there it is again," James quipped in as the girl left. He threw his hands in the air, worked up about his friend’s obliviousness. You giggled at the dramatic moment, finding James’ reaction funny. "Just do something already. She barely even realised our existence,” James groaned playfully, but before Remus could have replied, you interrupted.

"Let’s say that I know if she likes you or not. Would that change anything?” you asked as three pairs of curious eyes focused on you.

“Yes, it would,” James replied, making you giggle.

“I asked Remus,” you shook your head playfully.

“It wouldn’t change the fact that I have a couple of problems on my own,” he grimaced, clearly repeating all his faults in his head over and over again.

“You deserve happiness, Remus. We accepted your furry little problem, we love you the way you are. Do you really think no one else can accept that?” you raised a questioning brow, waiting for a reply, which never came. “So, would it change anything if you knew how she felt?” you pushed his buttons.

“Maybe- I think so-“ his unsure answer didn’t convince you, but the fact that he didn’t give you a straight up no, was a positive step ahead for you.

“Well, if it helps, she likes you,” a tender smile spread across your face as the words left your lips.

"As if," Remus shook his head with a gloomy whisper, once again trying to write himself down.

"Oh, I might have misunderstood the love letter she wrote you a couple of days ago. My bad," you shrugged acting as if it was your fault, trying to lift the negative mood.

"Wait what?" Remus looked at you in disbelief.

"Oh, now you care, huh?" you chuckled at his sudden interest.

"I mean..." He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. You placed your hand in the pocket of your robe and pulled out a green envelope. You might have accidentally stolen the letter from your shared room, before Jane could have realised that it was undelivered. You weren’t necessarily friends, but she did ask you about Remus most of the time and you had quite pleasant conversations at times.

“It’s here,” you held the envelope in the air, between your index and middle finger, looking at it as if it was the most interesting object you have ever seen. Remus furrowed his brows looking at the letter, clearly concerned.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. I shouldn’t open it unless she gives it to me,” he argued, but you just shook your head.

“I would agree, if she didn’t send this letter already. You see, technically she sent this letter to you 2 days ago and she thinks you already got it. But when her owl brought it back undelivered, she was out of the room, so I took the envelope from her owl. It, kind of skipped my mind until now,” you explained, trying to reassure him. He debated his options, before he jumped up from the couch, grabbed the letter out of your hand and ran upstairs. You chuckled at his eager behaviour which grew into a laughter as a curious James followed Remus up the stairs.

"Why would you do that?" Sirius asked, shaking his head, which made you confused.

"What do you mean?" you asked, trying to understand your friend. "I want him to be happy," you chuckled as you walked up to the couch he was seated on and sat down beside him.

"Isn't it painful?" he frowned, which caused you to return his expression, feeling as if you were supposed to know about something that you didn’t.

"Why would it be? I don't understand you Sirius," you shook your head. “Hey, what are you on about?” you tried again, but instead of talking Sirius seemed as if he was in pain. You threw your arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug, one that he has not given you for a while.

He has been rather distant, and you didn’t know how to interpret his behaviour. The boy was the closest to your heart, you could always share everything with him. If you were down and needed a shoulder to cry on, he was there. If you were excited and happy, having the best day of your life, he was the one who was beside you, enjoying your happiness first-hand.

He hid his face in the crook of your neck, pulling you closer to him, enjoying your warm embrace. He wished he could hug you more often, but it hurt him to think he was just a replacement instead of his friend.

“Hey, Sirius, talk to me,” you tried again to understand what was going on in his mind, but he just shook his head and heaved a heavy sigh. You kept running your hands through his soft hair, soothing the boy. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” you asked, which he responded to with a nod.

"Just forget it. Don’t mind me,” he spoke as he let go of your embrace and leaned back. “I was talking nonsense,” he smiled at you, but you could see through it. It wasn’t a genuine, happy smile; it was phony and forced. “I will go and check up on the boys,” he said and after placing a small kiss on the top of your head, he walked over to the stairs leading up to the male dormitory and disappeared behind the wall, leaving you with an utterly confused expression.

You have had a crush on Sirius for as long as you could remember and the thought of him distancing himself from you hurt. He was the only person you felt accepted you with all your faults and weaknesses, even more so than your friends and to think he was pushing you away felt like a stab in your chest.

*

Days passed by and Sirius' unusual behaviour didn't stop.

Remus and Jane finally started dating and you couldn't have been happier for them. Remus decided to push his worries aside, give it a go and experience love. What he didn’t expect was to feel content, relaxed, recharged as if he was always in a happy bubble. You were proud of him for choosing happiness.

However, as much as you wanted to see the new couple and sit down with them, have a fun little conversation, tease them a bit about being so oblivious to each other’s feelings, you didn't have much opportunity to do so. Sirius made it his mission to drag you away from the couple every single time you were in the same place or anywhere near them.

Whilst you loved spending time with Sirius, his usually slightly cocky and playful behaviour became dull and mostly upset. You tried to talk to him about it, but he didn’t give in. He always tried to shake you off with a ‘whatever’, ‘never mind’ or ‘doesn’t matter’. As if he was incapable of opening up to you. Which has never happened before.

You were sitting beside the Black lake, leaning against the trunk of a tree with Sirius next to you and the happy couple cuddled up to each other in front of you. It could have been a romantic little double date if you dared to confess your feelings for Sirius and if he didn’t wear that dark, dissatisfied expression of his.

Sirius sat beside you with a book in his hands, which in itself made you feel strange. Not that you had a problem with him reading, it was just a slightly unusual sight to see.

You leaned your head on his shoulder and looked up at him, wandering your gaze over his long, dark lashes, plump pink lips and unusual frown in between his brows. He was a beautiful man, but as much as you wished to be able to look at him as a friend, you just couldn’t.

Occasionally you caught his gaze wondering to Remus and Jane with his frown growing deeper, his jaw clenching as if the happy couple disturbed him in some sort of way.

"Is everything okay?" you asked him, lifting your head, placing your palms on his shoulder and crossing your fingers, laying your chin on the top of your hands. "You seem troubled," you concluded.  

"I'm fine," he replied, shaking his head, once again looking at the couple as they giggled happily about something. "Are you okay?" he asked as he looked into your eyes, as if he was trying to read you. You nodded in reply, a small smile spread across your face, feeling happy about being so close to him once again. You turned towards Remus and Jane, their happiness making you feel even more content.

"I'm all good," you replied looking back at his handsome features. His eyes however left you once again as the couple chuckled at something funny.

"Can you stop?" he growled in anger, causing you to pull back from your position, your eyes wandering between him and Remus. Jane and Remus looked just as confused as you, unable to understand Sirius’ problem.

"What is wrong with you?" Remus asked, but Sirius shook his head.

"You! I’m just fed up with you!” he groaned, clearly agitated. “Can’t you see how much pain and suffering you’re causing?" he hissed in anger. You’ve never seen Sirius act in such manner with his friends and from what you could read off Remus’ face, he was unfamiliar with this side of him too. Sirius seemed to be disappointed in his friend, which further confused you all. You looked at Remus, who also glanced at you, but both of you seemed to be clueless about what he was talking about.  

"Who is suffering because of me?" Remus asked, trying to understand his friend.

"You really are dumb, mate," Sirius retorted. "You’re cuddling your little girlfriend, while Y/n is suffering because of your ignorant behaviour," Sirius gestured towards you, causing your eyes to widen in surprise. “You should feel ashamed. How oblivious can you be? How long are you going to keep hurting her?” you were lost by his words. You had no idea what was going on and by the look on Remus' face, he was as confused as you.

"Wait, me? Am I suffering?" you interrupted your fuming friend.

"Don’t act like you know nothing. I understand you didn’t want to tell him about your feelings, but I can’t watch you being hurt over and over again, whilst he is cuddling with his new girlfriend,” he replied as if he knew your feelings more than you did yourself.

"Oh..." your eyes grew wider at the realisation, before you turned to Remus, whose facial expression changed and soon started laughing at the scenario. You didn’t mean to join him, but in the end, you couldn’t stop giggling about Sirius' absurd thoughts, leaving the boy with a dumbfounded expression.

As soon as the laughter died down, Remus stood up, gently pulling Jane into a standing position beside him and turned to you with a determined expression. "I think now it's your turn to clear things up," Remus offered you an apologetic smile and left you behind with a frowning Sirius.

You silently sat beside each other for a good few minutes, before you gathered the courage to finally open your mouth and talk. "Why would you think that I like Remus? How did you end up with such an absurd idea?" you asked as you turned your whole body towards him, playing with the grass under you, fearing to establish eye contact.

"Well, you seemed different around him," he answered, but you could still hear in the tone of his voice that he didn't understand what was going on.

“What do you mean?” you tilted your head in confusion.

“When we were talking about Moony and Jane in the common room and he talked about his crush on Jane, you seemed so upset,” he attempted to explain.

“You are going to have to be more specific. It was a quite common occurrence that we talked about Remus and Jane in the common room,” you raised a questioning brow.

“When you gave him the letter,” he added.

“Oh,” you paused for a second to recall what he could have misunderstood, when it finally all clicked in. “Wait, is about me getting upset, when he said he didn’t deserve to be loved?” you asked with wide eyes as if everything finally made sense.

“Exactly. I saw how upset you were and that’s why I asked why you decided to give him the letter,” he explained. As if the weight fell off your shoulder, a wide grin appeared across your face as you massaged your temple.

“Sirius, you can be really daft sometimes,” you chuckled. “I don’t like Remus like that. He is like a brother to me. I was upset, because every time he talks about himself, he doesn’t seem to see his good qualities, only his flaws, his problems. It upset me,” you shook your head and offered a tender smile to Sirius as you leaned closer and pulled him into a hug. “You owe him an apology,” you chuckled as he scrunched up his nose. “Thank you for worrying about me, Sirius, but it’s honestly not what you thought,” you added, pulling away.

"So, then you don't like him?" he asked, waiting for further reassurance.

"No, I like someone else," you answered emotionless, waiting for his reaction.

"Oh-" he breathed with a heavy tone.

"You seem disappointed. Should I like Remus?" you teased with an innocent look.

"No!" he replied way too quickly. As you connected the dots and realised Sirius might just feel something for you, you decided to push his buttons.

"Do you maybe want to know who I like?" you asked with a fake curiosity, playing your part. He didn't know how to reply and for the first time you saw him searching for words. He wanted you to be happy, to be loved, to be treated like the most precious person, but he didn't want to see, didn't want to hear about you getting close to someone else beside him.

"Erm-“ he was not the cocky Sirius anymore. He wasn't as confident as he usually acted and Godric knows how much you enjoyed the situation.

"Maybe I should ask him out," you said more to yourself and stood up, wearing a determined expression. Before you could have even taken a step, Sirius jumped up from his place and got hold of your wrist, pulling you flush against his chest. His sudden attack surprised you, but you certainly didn’t complain. You enjoyed being close to him and you were somewhat glad to be in such proximity with him.

"No," he whispered, looking at your face, his breath fanning your lips, slightly tickling you. “I don’t want to see you with anyone else, but me,” he confessed, but from the blank expression across his face, you weren’t sure if he realised his own words. The only thing he seemed to be concentrating on were your lips and you certainly found his just as intriguing.

"Are you sure you don't want me to ask him out?" you smiled softly, your voice hitching as he pulled you impossibly close to him, his lips almost touching yours.

"No- Wasn't I clear enough?" he asked, seemingly defeated.

"I think you would be really happy if I asked him out," you added, crossing your arms behind his neck, completely confusing him with your actions as a deep frown grew across his brows. You silently giggled at his expression, before you gave him the last push. "Would you like to go out with me, Sirius?" you asked, placing a small peck on his lips, but he didn't react, his initial shock leaving him frozen. His eyes were wide open, his jaw hung low, his lips parted in disbelief. "Should I perhaps take that as a no?" you raised a questioning brow as you ran your fingers through his soft hair.

"You’re such a tease," he exhaled finally as a small smirk spread across his handsome and relieved face. His eyes wandered down to your lips, gazing at your mouth for an impossibly long time, before attaching his lips to yours while running his hands along the small of your back, pulling you closer. You chuckled into the kiss welcoming his usual confidence back, missing his cockiness. However, before you could have even given yourself into the kiss, Sirius pulled away and with a swift movement grabbed you under your butt and threw you over his shoulder, making you squeal.

"Hey, put me down, it's not fair," you started hitting his back, but he didn't budge.

"Your little game wasn't either," he grinned, slapping your butt as he walked towards the castle with your swearing form hanging over his shoulder. "By the way, yes I would love to go out with you," he added, making you grin at his reply. Although you were cursing him, hitting him, kicking him wherever you could and as much as you could, you were still the happiest person and even the fact that you were hanging upside down couldn’t ruin it.

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