#and without beong a heartless bitch. abd this doesnt matter
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its vv rare do i fucking get the "unreachable amd unanswerable dealer" trope but i am . my eye is twitcging
#BRO WHAT ARE U DOING.#u said '20mins' at 10:30 it is 1am i .#shut up no one say a word im in the deoths of my own fucking torment rn i dont wanna be SOBER rn .#abt to whip out the vlender make fucking . daiquris or wtv its spelt .#bc i have alcohol ! and frozen fruot ! and a desire to not Feel rn ! its not even that im so numb to all of this now#like thes a level of detachment to this emotion. bc i dont wanna deal with this Actually so im side baring it in a seethriugh woven box#bc wtc it is is seeping fromcthe box into my blood !!!!!!!#being psotive is hard okay. rewirinf rhis fucktruck 9f a brsin i was givwn is HARD . esp when it comes to this fucking situstion and my self#qorth in love like idont . wanna Feel and i wanna get High to feel .#if i dont have a response by 2am i am giving up and going to bed atp. if i cant get high i will sleep#and dream of this fucker instead of thinling abt him bc it doesnt MATTER.#im half convinced we are actually cinversing jn the dream realm. vc i have an inkling this fucler can astroproject / dream travel#whether ue knows it or not ! dunno ! but theres SEVERAL DREAMS the last few weeks that have .#idk how to explain it .ive woken ul half expecting to see a conversation on my phone or . something w the way it feels#and its not in a 'ohhh were back tgth' no its 'oh some shir was said incthe dream scape that needed to be said but xiuldnt be said'#like im not allowrd to contact him. not that i WANT TO anyway. bc whay can i say. i dont know anything for certain. i cant .#put my own fucking cards on the tBlw yhat is reoestinf the past pattern with a Fat Check. i cant do Anything but cope with this#and the divine has me in a honey pot :) like u fuckers are Insane#i can feel and see them just . holding this (weed. him wtv idc) for my own good :)) bc i cant go back to old patterns :))#ajd smokign weed to cope w my emotions IS not good for me. even if it does help it . os a crutch.#its not bad Every So Often but . anyway my throat feels itchy and this now feels . fucking divine too what do u want me to do here#what am i supposed to do here.#i forget . so mych of my hwaling is more just Admitting shit to nyself than actually acting. like .#im cpnatsntly trying to be Good to people and . stixk by myself without throwing my ass under a bus#and without beong a heartless bitch. abd this doesnt matter#bc everyones got their own projections and i am not perfeft eitherway but .#fuck man. let me do this high#i sgould just sleep or . wash my dishes ir Something eye .#icdont wanna do anythibg lol i am Miserable#im not . iam not entirely happy w my job. but idk if thats bc its lulling out or if its a gwnuine disinterest in this career choice.
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its vv rare do i fucking get the "unreachable amd unanswerable dealer" trope but i am . my eye is twitcging
#BRO WHAT ARE U DOING.#u said '20mins' at 10:30 it is 1am i .#shut up no one say a word im in the deoths of my own fucking torment rn i dont wanna be SOBER rn .#abt to whip out the vlender make fucking . daiquris or wtv its spelt .#bc i have alcohol ! and frozen fruot ! and a desire to not Feel rn ! its not even that im so numb to all of this now#like thes a level of detachment to this emotion. bc i dont wanna deal with this Actually so im side baring it in a seethriugh woven box#bc wtc it is is seeping fromcthe box into my blood !!!!!!!#being psotive is hard okay. rewirinf rhis fucktruck 9f a brsin i was givwn is HARD . esp when it comes to this fucking situstion and my self#qorth in love like idont . wanna Feel and i wanna get High to feel .#if i dont have a response by 2am i am giving up and going to bed atp. if i cant get high i will sleep#and dream of this fucker instead of thinling abt him bc it doesnt MATTER.#im half convinced we are actually cinversing jn the dream realm. vc i have an inkling this fucler can astroproject / dream travel#whether ue knows it or not ! dunno ! but theres SEVERAL DREAMS the last few weeks that have .#idk how to explain it .ive woken ul half expecting to see a conversation on my phone or . something w the way it feels#and its not in a 'ohhh were back tgth' no its 'oh some shir was said incthe dream scape that needed to be said but xiuldnt be said'#like im not allowrd to contact him. not that i WANT TO anyway. bc whay can i say. i dont know anything for certain. i cant .#put my own fucking cards on the tBlw yhat is reoestinf the past pattern with a Fat Check. i cant do Anything but cope with this#and the divine has me in a honey pot :) like u fuckers are Insane#i can feel and see them just . holding this (weed. him wtv idc) for my own good :)) bc i cant go back to old patterns :))#ajd smokign weed to cope w my emotions IS not good for me. even if it does help it . os a crutch.#its not bad Every So Often but . anyway my throat feels itchy and this now feels . fucking divine too what do u want me to do here#what am i supposed to do here.#i forget . so mych of my hwaling is more just Admitting shit to nyself than actually acting. like .#im cpnatsntly trying to be Good to people and . stixk by myself without throwing my ass under a bus#and without beong a heartless bitch. abd this doesnt matter#bc everyones got their own projections and i am not perfeft eitherway but .#fuck man. let me do this high#i sgould just sleep or . wash my dishes ir Something eye .#icdont wanna do anythibg lol i am Miserable#im not . iam not entirely happy w my job. but idk if thats bc its lulling out or if its a gwnuine disinterest in this career choice.
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