#and yet if hashirama HAD prioritized tobirama above anything else he never would've forgiven him for that either

[doveywovy]

instead of bad brother hashirama willfully throwing tobirama on the pyre for the sake of peace with a smile on his face, "forced-bad brother in an unwinnable situation" hashirama could be fun. he doesn't volunteer tobirama into getting married off, he gets forced into it. the uchiha demand tobirama marry izuna to make up for nearly killing him, or peace talks are off the table. "you have to kill tobirama or marry him off", to make it even more obvious that hashirama really only has the one choice (And to parallel madaras canonical demand).

so he makes it, and he and tobirama both know he never wanted to do it, and yet it ruins their relationship forever regardless. maybe tobirama wishes hashirama could've given him the choice because he would've picked death. maybe hashirama knows he would've, and that's why he refused to let tobirama choose. (maybe- though he never allows himself to think it- he wishes hashirama would've chosen him over peace, brother duties over clan head duties, but he wouldn't be hashirama if he did and tobirama knows it.)

hashirama is stuck not by a literal lack of options but by intrinsic nature of who he is and who he has to be.