#and you realize you are really a fundamentally unlovable person who has wasted over 20 years of life that others have used to build familied
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#dont read this shit lmao it sucks#that christmas feeling when you realize that one or two good days doesnr break you out of the suicidal funk youve been in for months.#and you realize you really have no accomplishments and nothing in life to be proud of or look forward to.#and you realize you are really a fundamentally unlovable person who has wasted over 20 years of life that others have used to build familied#and you realize it will always be this way because something inside you is just fundamentally broken and undesirable and just.#just useless and completely unneeded by people and by the world at large and that youll never have the life you wanted#you just dont have the tools or the mental fortitude to start over and create the life you wanted for yourself and you never will#and all you have are temporary comforts that have no lasting impact on the world or even on your own life as a whole#and that you are basically just a parasite wasting space and wasting time until you finally die because nobody will ever truly want/need you#even if I got a job today thats really all im doing with my life. just waiting and wasting time and trying to make it more comfortable.#until i finally die and look back and realize thats all I ever did and i didnt even deserve that.#sorry but I feel like I just need to scream into the void even tho I hate being like this online.#but everyone i know has other bigger problems and they dont need to hear this so im just yelling at computer#i just want to be happy and feel fulfilled!! i just want to be loved!! but i am born incapable of these feelings bc i was just.#made wrong#or i made myself this way idk#but something went deeply wrong with my life and Im just stalling until its finally over#bc Im too scared to just end it myself no matter how much i fantasize about it.#this isnt a cry for help or anything I just feel like I need to say it and feel seen before I explode.#anyway I really deeply hate myself and I feel I am fundamentally not human and not deserving of my life#but i still hope maybe you wont unfollow bc maybe this stupid blog made uou smile once#and that maybe that makes you feel a connection idk. thats all i can do. thats all im capable of.#suicidal tw
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