#and Jake doesn't have a ton of memories of him because of their age gap but he always sort of idolized him in a way

[kylejsugarman]

can you fucking imagine being jake pinkman and you live in a pretty nice house with your parents who give you lots of love and attention and always make sure you’re practicing your instrument and doing your homework and hanging out with the right kids. you feel like maybe they don’t know exactly who you are as a person, but they give you attention and come to every tournament and concert and that has to count for something. you have memories of your older brother playing peekaboo with you on long car rides and letting you ride his two-wheeler even though your parents said you were too young for a two-wheeler. your parents sometimes act like these things didn’t happen, but you remember them and that has to count for something. you don’t see your older brother a lot and you hear your parents whispering about him when they think you’ve gone to bed, furiously arguing about things you aren’t familiar with and have to casually ask your friends about at school the next day. and then one day you see a news story. you see photos of a cage, of a grate and a bucket and a leash. your mom tries to rush you out of the room and your dad is scrambling for the remote control, but you see his picture anyway. a mugshot. if you google your last name + albuquerque, that mugshot is one of the first results, but you don’t see him in that flat, poorly-lit photo. you see his eyes (like mom’s) between his fingers. you see him pulling his sleeve down over a new forbidden tattoo and shushing you with a wink. “is he dead?” you ask because they keep showing that chain, that leash, and it’s so much thicker than the one on their old family dog and you’d rather he be dead than chained up like that. “no” your mom finally says, and it’ll be a few months before any one of you can say his name again but you never picture him in the cage—only popping wheelies on a two-wheeler and cutting the crusts off of sandwiches. and that has to count for something.

right?