#angelo.text

[tarblooded]

Maybe you should get on your knees and let someone play with your hair and put their fingers in your mouth and rub your cheek over their crotch and ash in your mouth and maybe you'll calm down

[tarblooded]

Sorry for getting overwhelmed by the magnitude of existence it will happen another 3-4 times today

[tarblooded]

Guilt and shame will drown you

if you let it

And i want

To sink

Who am i to decide the guilt i carry

Is not mine to bear

Reaching upwards

towards the surface

Far too insolent an undertaking

(insubordination; hubris)

I ache to be lifted out

Of what i dare not strive to leave

Petrified by the spectre

Of beastly eyes

Observing

Above a rippling one way mirror

[25/02-24]

[tarblooded]

Daughter of sorrows, of guilt and of grief

By celestial body alive through belief

Of solace denied, she begs and she pleads

Treads over longing, moss and debris

Speaks to decievers in amethyst skin

Begs them to tell her where she has been

Mimetic child, pray, where is your home?

Get up once more, this is not your tomb

[tarblooded]

Look at me. Look at me.

Look at me and see how my form splits half into a liquid state and half into waves of light reflecting backwards on your retinas. Watch as i seep into the floorboards, watch how the light grows, peaks and slowly dims.

Drink in the sight, let the revelations unravel and coil around your neural pathways

[tarblooded]

In the artificial fog

In the pulsating, permeating rythm

In the shimmering darkness

In the mist of sweat

Faint, glittering chimes, metallic accessories sway and jerk in discordant unison

You are a part of a bigger organism

Here, you can reach out and feel the cellular wall

The fragile, permeable distinction where you end and you begin - where you end and everything else begins.

[tarblooded]

I need a lobotomy. And leeches.

[tarblooded]

Hello i am normal wanna go skateboards?

[tarblooded]

Help me girl in the nightsky, girl in the nightsky help me, help me girl in the nightsky

[tarblooded]

Disembowelment disembowelment disembowelment

Crushed handbones hung contorted on their tendons

Do unto me as i have wrought upon myself

[tarblooded]

Month old draft, very pessimism, why am i screaming into the online etc, forgot i wrote this, birthdays r rough when ur chronically mentally ill , etc, vent? I guess?

So. The ever encroaching feeling that it wasnt worth it.

Its so different from the hopelessness over the future, thats different, more vauge, somrthing inherently unknowable where thrres more room for doubt.

But the past? When you sit down a decade later and cant help but realize you were right? And its too heavy to bear and youre not a kid anymore, and your life still isnt yours but this time its not because of something imposed externally on you but because of the empathy youve developed for your family.

Im not a part of it. I feel like more of an imposter than i ever have, more out of place, less redeemable. And yet i cannot leave. Sometimes i feel itd be better, more morally justifiable to do so, but. Yeah.

[tarblooded]

Its been a bad fucking year.

My teeth now serve as allegory

  Lips pull back, reveal a

story

Jaws clenched tight around my tongue

  Cheeks sucked in, by molars

stung

Incisors chipping further yet

  Canines ground til nothing's

left

How strange to see

  that smile again

How sharp it stings

  to know what's been

I used to burn so fucking bright

A pyre built of fresh cut

pine

fragrant, crackling fire burns

capricious, lively child

still yearns

Like those sparks i used to singe

Like that smoke i used to

linger

I only wanted to be harmless

What i became, naught but defenseless

[tarblooded]

Try not to think about it

   Try not to think about it

Try harder

   Try more

Try harder to be human

   Try harder to be palatable

Try harder

   Try not to think about it

[tarblooded]

Yoy know what they say - better to have things inside of you what should be outside of you, than to have things outside of you what should be inside of you. Hm. Neither is good however. Having things either inside or outside of you is a neverending horror show actually.

[tarblooded]

Im sorry for being a homestuck to my core but phemiC went off so FUCKING HARD w some of the lyrics are you fucking KIDDING me??

[tarblooded]

Anyway. I need someone to throw me around like a gmod model