#anw. i just think about her a lot these days and i’m so grateful i gave mending our relationship a chance

[cupiare]

getting to know my mum has just shown me that all the times i felt misunderstood was not because we were fundamentally different and she could not be there for me in the way that i needed but bcs we’re so alike and respond in the same ways and we were both waiting for the other to come forward first and agonizing over it in the meantime. i had already forgiven her anyway like on principle and moved on but its given me so much closure to know she’s always been there for me actually, we just didn’t know how to talk to each other and we’re finally learning and talking freely and i finally mean it when i tell her i miss her too

[amjustagirl]

Nikkiiii hihiii how are you?? how was your week?? how was your day?? I hope you got enough sleep >:)

I read Love knows not its depth (until the hour of separation) and... woahh

Okay first off, it just made me appreciate my parents a whole lot more. Recently I've had some downs with them (me and my habit to get distracted with messaging friends being the one at fault primarily) and idk i just felt hurt and annoyed (more so a week ago but not so much now) and its just....when I read your fic i just instantly had a lot of flashbacks of me and my parents and what all they do for me and how not easy raising a fussy child like me was and i just felt so so grateful to have my parents yk.

And second, man the beginning was so painful yet so real. Like often when people write such scenarios they quickly make it fluffy by having one person forgive the other after they change their behavior for a period of time. However, the more likely scenario that i feel happens is that when someone feels cast aside and that hurt, only a week of acting better or helping them out more really isn't enough. It could honestly take years to heal. It hurts a LOT and makes you wish it didn't work that way but it does and I feel you captured that part of redeeming oneself -due to any reason- quite beautifully.

also, ma'am, YOU PLAY 5 INSTRUMENTS I-

YOU'RE SO TALENTED OMG

(fun story, i picked up the guitar in 4th grade, learnt it for a few months and dropped it cuz my fingers ached💀 i started playing it again last year after i made some band friends [im quite a competitive being so really, all i thought when i wiped the dust from my ancient guitar was that i had to master it and play as good or even better than them...they had been playing the guitar for almost 4 years pls what eVEN] and i had to take a break for exams but i seriously started it again this year and i plan to continue it as much as i can...BUT

bruh sometimes you look at other people playing the same instrument and then you listen to yourself play it as a beginner and it just :( also, i have barely 3 more years until college and ig im just worried abt my profile and stuff too and just ajyfgetfege its all such a mess💀👌 im sorry for ranting a little ahdyfg i meant to express my awe for you KNOWING HOW TO PLAY 5 INSTRUMENTS OMG AND YOU WRITE LIKE A GODDESS TOO PLS AMAZING)

ahbyfg that will be all. Take care of yourself <333

Hello Nanini!!! it’s so nice to see you again! 

haha yes - i drew a LOT of inspiration from my mom when i was writing this story, her angst and the hardship she must have suffered bringing up two daughters along with a full time job (and a difficult mother in law) was something i really tapped on. i mean tbh i think a lot of people have fraught relationships with their parents (because parents are human, are some rly aren’t meant to be parents), so im grateful for mine and i’m glad to hear you have lovely parents too (we all go through some angst with our parents in our teenage years, don’t sweat it, it’s only normal)! 

redemption for kuroo was tricky to write. i definitely tried to build it up, show him put in a sustained effort, and show them fall in love and build their relationship again without either of them saying “i love you”. it’s...a very asian thing you know? to say i love you without saying i love you - again, something i drew on from seeing my chinese parents grow up yknow?  

i was worried at first, writing him as neglectful - was worried people might say i’ve mischaracterised him, but i feel like there’s the potential for him to lose sight of his family because he’s so ambitious. he doesn’t do it intentionally - he just has a bad case of tunnel vision imo. 

HAHA i’m not talented! my parents signed me up for piano lessons as a kid (again, very stereotypically asian), and i ended up studying music as a subject in high school so i had to pick up a second instrument (clarinet). then i joined the orchestra and picked up a few more instruments there, mostly out of necessity cos my main instrument sounds....most like a bagpipe so there are some songs that wouldn’t have a part for it! anw - practice the guitar if it makes YOU happy, and don’t compare yourself to others, its unhealthy and rly your only competition is yourself! 

as for college applications - breathe. take it one day at a time, albeit with an eye on your overall goal. i was such an anxious teenager, worrying about college exams and i sorta regret not giving myself the space to truly find myself and have fun. so i’d say, while you should work hard and work smart, don’t forget that you’re only young once, so live life and explore what makes you happy - it’ll stand you in good stead for happiness further down the road <3 

[weasterned]

Amber Liu.

1. Amber Unnie is shooo humble ! Ah really— I adore her a lot, despite her (probably) busy schedules, she always had a time to spent with Weast(s) ! She did well on updating her fc too ! ㅠㅠㅠ 2. Nothing to be fixed for ! In conclusion, she’s a really really good roleplayer ! ♡ 3. Amber Unnie, christmas is neaar ! And I really want to get closer with you, I’ll make a first step ! ;  ____  ; I hope you will spend a gooood times christmas eve and christmas and the new year itself ! ♡

1. friendly, kind, meu af, mature, good at words ; ; 2. she doesn’t need to improve anything 3. you have such a delicate and beautiful way of portraying your love to f(x), i absolutely adore this! they’re incredibly lucky to have you as fan

1. Portrays her chara well, Kind & Friendly. 2. Jiejie I don’t know how to give you a complain. Because I’m the ome eho always neglect our conversation… hehe. I want us to talk more! That’s enough. 3. Amber jiejie, its such a grateful to meet you here. Its hard to find f(x) sunbaenim roleplayer especially Amber and Victoria. Well, jiejie came and fill my timeline. I hope we can be friend too, in 2018!

1) Super kind, fun, silly, fantastic and amazing! 2) I think she’s fine just the way she is now hehe 3) Hello, Amber unnie! Happy holidays to you and happy new year. 🎆 Wishing you a super great 2018 and maybe a comeback? ;) 4) Plus : I just love the way she is. Minus : I can’t say that you should be more active but I’ll pray for you biar gak sibuk aheheh

#1 - Cool - Kind - Sometimes so quite - Can be loud too -  Friendly #2 I like how Amber interact with the others. She’s really cool. I hope she can keep it up. #3 Hello, Ambro eonni! I think we are still awkward when we talk to each other. Or is it just me who feel this way? Hehe🤔 I hope you can pardon this potato’s awkwardness 🙁 Anyway, you’re such a cool person. I like how you interacts well with the members. I hope we can get more closer as the time goes by, eonni!❤sassy, less ooc, kind, famous, friendly

1. Suweg, ATTRACTIVE, kind, oppa!!!!!, warm. 2. Keep on updating about f(x), my fave! 3. Hello, Ambroo oppa! Me is your fan. Anyway, can you teach me how to make a good thread of your character? T_T I envy your thread and anyway you’re such a nice girl! And omo. Very very girlcrush. Ah me likey. Anyway, enjoy your xmas and new year!

1. the most less ooc, nice, humble, funny, savage, inspirational 2. once again, i dont want you to improve anything, youre already good at portraying amber, i wish i could be like you someday :   ( 3. Dear Amber eonnie, you’re such an inspirational person in my eyes, i adore you so much and knowing you through this agency is such a big matters for me, i always speechless everytime i saw you on my timeline. i hope later on we can talk more, not only about light talk but also deep talk .y

1. MOMMY! Always take care of me. Kind. Humble. I can be clingy around her. Sexy yet swaaaggg. 2. Please give me more food! 3. Since the end of this year is coming sooon. Please keep being healthy and do your best on your work mom. I wish to spend more holiday with you!

1. Friendly, cool, smart, humble, good 2. Hm.. Since we are rarely talk, i cant really tell what you should improve.. 3. Hei ambreu. It’s a good thing to know you as my mutuals. You’re a good person to have conversation with but unfortunately since we are rarely talk with each other.. Lets talk more in the future, ambreu. P.s christmas is coming soon, can i ask for an alpaca for my christmas gift? swaggy dude, kind, interesting, handsome, pretty at the same time. lol be more girly perhaps lol . I hope sajangnim will give f(x) comeback asap, we miss our girl and also i wanna see u wear girl clothes would u mind to  grant my wish dude? lmao

She’s nice people. She looks like real amber. Good job ambro!

1. such a nice person, potrayed as amber very very well, always update on point. sadly we haven’t talk much so i dunno her very well- 2. nggak ada yang harus banyak dirubah sepertinya, just stay the way you are hyung lololol 3. Since we haven’t talk much yet, i hope we can have more convo in the future. Honestly sometimes i dunno how to reply mentions, so i just keep some convo just like that haha.

1. cool sunbaenim!, kind, caring, full of swag (lmao), funny 2. well- i don’t know what should i write for it. she’s portraying her chara very well so i don’t know what should i say. well, all i can say is please always stay as who you are right now. because she’s cool! 3. Hello, amber sunbaenim! /bows/ i hope you have another great days, included today! we’re not interacting that much, and i apologize for it. You are the 1st amber rper that i have in my timeline and i’m happy for it because you’re one of my favorite idol! ㅋㅋ I really want to be close with you but seems like both of us never stay in a place at the same time ㅋㅋ I hope you will always take care of your health! and since the weathers has become colder day by day, please don’t catch cold and always wear warm clothes. Fighting!

MY AMBRO BUDDY. Well we haven’t talked much for quite a while but amber is always so nice and kind towards everyone. She plays her chara well but i hope we can interact more from now on

1. kind, cool, nice, cool, noonable 2. amber noona is a good one that i’ve ever met. she almost perfect by potraying amber well. i hope she can get along with all member and also me. please keep it up noona! 3. hello, llama noona! its nice to meet you. i never expected to having such a good convo with you, sadly our convo sometimes can’t be long cause of one or two things lol. lets keep each other well, noona! i adore you anw!

1. Cool, very updated about her character, funny, kind, handsome. Lmao. 2. Please mingle with me! 3. Hello, Ambroo! Please enjoy the rest of 2017 happily.

1. cool, kind, friendly 2. lets get crazy together 3.Marry christmas and happy new year, ah lets get more closer next year so we can have fun year together.

1. Nice, cool, kind, mature, friendly. 2. I want to have looong conversation with nuna but you seem busy :( 3. Dear amber nuna, my wish is to be closer with you in the future! Hahaha this bugi wants to be nuna’s bestfriend 🐢She is kind, nice, talkative, friendly and funny. She welcomed me when I first joined here. I like talking with her. She portrays Amber’s image well, I like that about her. I really hope she would keep that up! To Amber unnie, Unnie!! My Amber unnie! Happy early new year! Hope next year will be a good good year!

1. Kind, fun, cool unnie. 2. Well, everyone just being busier so does Ambreu unnie. All we need is having more convos just like before!! 3. hello, Ambreu unnie since 2017 almost over which mean new year will bring a new hope also. Please stay healthy because the weather is not so good lately, keep warm. Xx Loves♡

1. My Baby Llama 😗 2. Let’s share anything in our dm group ㅋㅋㅋ 3. Happy New Year to my baby llama >

1. Decent, KIND, funny, A GREAT ROLE MODEL, SUPER KINDHEARTED 2. Unnie please do online more? :( 3. Dearest Amber Unnie, we don’t talk that much? yes.. But during times I have ever talk and having a convo with you, that is one of the best convo I ever had. Seriously! I hope you have a great ending of 2017 and will welcome 2018 with lots of happines! I LOVE YOU, xx.

1. Amber unnie is so so so soooooo kind! But not really online that much, she is so approachable, sweet and polite. 2. Please online more often, unnie!!! 3. f(x) COMEBACK JUSEYO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love f(x) and you are actually my bias, unnie. Lets get to know each other more ok? And please be happy always!

1. - KIND!! - humble - calm - cool - classy 2. you did your best as Amber RP-er! please keep being friendly and cool like this! 3. [💌] i just wanna say, thank you for staying in WST. i’m happy that i have such a kind and caring members here. it might be pretty hard when you feel left out in agency, but i didn’t feel like this here. thank you ♡ Amber unnie, i hope we can still be friends in the future! i hope we can build our relationship as a friend closer and stronger than before. i just realized that it has been about 2 years since the first time i met you hahahahah.

1) nice, friendly, super kind, convo builder, care to everyone 2) because ambru unnie recently online, maybe online more often? 3) ambru unnie! i miss you ;  ;  if you’re busy please take care of yourself and don’t skip your meals! let’s talkeu talkeu with me again and i hope 2018 will be a much much better year for you! ✨Really cool,  swag,  friendly,  girlcrush,  funny Yo ma bruh!  Gald to know you!  HahahaAku baru mentionan sekali dan first impression-nya aku suka eonnie ini. Amber eonnie ngegreet aku duluan muehehe padahal harusnya aku yg ngegreet. Jadi menurutku, Amber eonnie ini ramah dan perhatian😃 Message: I might only met you in the last quarter of 2017, but im glad i could spend the last day of 2017 with a person like you. Aku berharap kedepannya kita bisa lebih deket lagi and can lean on to each other. Harapannya semoga eonnie selalu bahagia dan keinginannya cepat tercapai hehehe. Periwinkle mate — ! ! ! ! ! ! You know me right ? ? ? ? Of courseee ! ! ! I’m sureeeee ㅋㅋㅋ Amber eonnyi is someone that know me really well , , , , when she described me … she really got me … she is a caring person, kind and humorist for sure~ i really missed yoouuuuu peulijeuuu let’s have a convo again with meee ♡

1. DOPE COOL. SHE’S SO COOL. COOL AF. THAT’S IT. 2. I’m so happy to see you on my timeline, but sometimes I’m just too shy to approach you first. You really portray your character so well, keeeep up the good work! 3. Happy new year! Santa claus is coming to town~ *chuckles* You should take a good care of yourself, keep smiling widely, and be happy as always.

1. Nice, very nice, seriously nice, cool, easy going ; 2. Please lessen your retweet update- ; 3. Noona i’m sorry because our convo is ngebosenin dan stuck di situ situ aja😂 i’m trying hard for find a new topic but ended fail, i guess hahaha-

1. Nice, kind, kinda mengayomi, HAS A MOMMY VIBES, caring 😍 2. You can be a manly but lovely Amber 😳 3. Pls active more so I can fging over you1. Mature, IC, Good, Reliable, Long replies on point 2. I don’t even know what kind of improvement, actually… 3. I’ve told her this, but, unnie, keep being you! Keep up the good work and never give up. Me love you!

1. Tertib 2. Ramah 3. Baik hati 4. Overall just looks really kind Hello noona! You know since I suck at socializing we don’t really talk a lot and that’s my fault. But you are a really cool person although I find you a little bit hard to approach but that’s okay youre a cool girl! It’s the New Year’s soon and we’re gonna pass the 2018 together I hope. With this sentence I hope we can be more closer in the future, I really want to do that and I’d like to be your friend hahahah.

[ab3lle]

2016 update! (part three) (last one)

August, 2016

I got an offer from ums. that time i was checking thru sms. 

“Tahniah, anda di tawarkan ke Universiti Malaysia Sabah, kos HC13.”

What the hell is hc13 and i was actually expecting something related w food. (yeap science again just for the sake of ibu) eg: food tech, nutritionist, blabla. but it was actually an e-commerce. and never once in my life i heard about e-commerce. i did a lot of research. i asked everyone what is e-commerce. i checked the job oppurtinity. i was reluctant at first. bcs i told my friend, i mmg want to further at sabah but i wont go if got a nonsense course. i was really clueless that time. but my dad really support me. he asked me that it was ok. just go w the flow. thats it. i finally accept the offer. went for the orientation. and was really close to jiji since then.

September, 2016

I fall in love w the beauty of labuan. people at labuan started to address me as bella/belle instead of nab. so whenever i heard someone call me ‘nab’ at labuan, i feel weird. basically, whenever i am at labuan, its alright to call me bella/belle. anw like ji and tia, they still stick to nab instead bella/belle. i also went hiking too for the very first time in my life. at bukit kubong. 148 above the sea. one of the highest places at labuan. (besides umskal building) i also starts to experience celebrating hari raya aidiladha at labuan. at first in the morning after solat sunat hari raya, we went to one of the lecturer’s house which basically she’s also once a umskal student, to have some celebration at her house. we gather w the seniors from second, third and fourth year w from both faculty, (fki and fkal). i started w taekwondo again but mehhhh. it was only lasts for a day. bcs i stopped for a while and i forgot almost everything. so sad. plus my stamina pun out. so i decided to quit. (does it sounds like i’m giving up?)

October, 2016

Ghost house to gain some money for umskal got talent event. went inside to experience it but i was really scared tho i kenal every one yg jadi hantu. theres one day i went wall climbing and i cant go any higher bcs i am too heavy (gotta admit that) and teman ji and tia played futsal at night. a productive day i can say. its also the month i started to feel like i fall for my crush when i randomly record him make a cendol. (sorry, ex-crush) like, out of nowhere. but think back, i think i fall for him earlier when i first met him at klia. used to like him. used. sewa kereta at friday for 2 hours just for the sake of nasi kerabu at kedai ganu w ji and tia lol. and oh, fki family day. i was reluctant to go at first which i didnt sign up my name at first. ended up, someone said to me, “kau tak pergi fki family day, kau siap belle bila aku jumpa kau” and i terus muncul tetiba at the bus stop, that morning. hehhh. also, umskal got talent was held on october. had some problems when kertas undi tak cukup, so kak tyka and i, run naik atas level 3 to print a new one. i freaking run. i think i lost about 2.1kg that night. that was on semi final. its actually good to have some activity to do at night besides sleep. like i usually do. during the final, which was held 2 weeks after, it was good. had some problems too. tired, but satisfied. it was my first event that i joined, and it was good. i started to drive back since i left it about a year+ not driving. yeah i dont have problem in driving except not being able to drive properly, bad in guessing the distance between the car that i drove and the car behind me, took hours to park the car, and the list goes on. at the end of october, went to kk city during the mid sem break. it was my first time reached there. i went w jiji, and her friend, hamir came all the way from johor bahru. the planning was upside down i can say lol. from the hotel, food, transportation, shopping, all messed up. sokay we learnt from experience hahaha.

November, 2016

Took class photo. yeah class photo. i was lazy at first but just bcs my friend, she put such efforts to coax me and join the class photo, so i came all the way from cafe to menara. had mandarin midterm at menara. i thought i’ve done my best, but the results came out makes me feels like mehhhhh. struggling w e-commerce 3k words assignment, which i thought should be handed on 10th November but end up the lecturer said it supposed to be handed on the 10th weeks of lecture. me being me, me and last minutes works are really like a best friend. best friend for ever till jannah. told myself should change to a better me but meh. lets hope i’ll change one day. bought a new sneakers when i lost one pair of my freaking new shoes. tipulah if i said i didnt sad. but mybe not my rezeki kot. big thing happened on november i think was, tamu gadang event. from protocol to urusetia. tired but i really like the experiences. during the graduate run, i was supposedly get ready by 4am, ended up i woke up late and i was there at 4.30am or is it 5am. i really have problem when it comes to wake up early in the morning. big, problem. and i just realize the pokestop at umskal suddenly went missing. i was really sad that time. no kidding. went to palm beach resort after find some things for sispa booth. main buai while enjoying the scenery there. really makes me fall in love w nature, beach, and labuan.

December, 2016

Karkomkal event. since i joined sispa, i will join karkomkal for 3 semesters. bcs sispa is actually badan beruniform and have to take till my third semester. means what? on the next sem, others are enjoying wake up late, and i’ll be rushing on saturday morning for sispa lecture lol. indian cultural night, we (me, ji, and tia) didnt take part in that event bcs we are lazy already. and accidentally wore red, some color w them. what a coincidence. had titas presentation too on december w the most 1 malaysia group ever. 1 chinese, 1 sarawakian, 2 malays, and 2 indians. its good to get the chance to mix w all the races especially when you are out from yr zone. also, our programming group project. took us about 1 night to do it, and about less than 2 days to find and fix error and we did it. and i really thought that ‘class’ wont be came out during final but then, paapppp! 35marks. trust me i didnt revise about ‘class’. anw, we received a compliment from our tutor! goodjob mates xoxo. tak sia sia i skip ugt family day just bcs i had to stick on the screen to find the error on my group project lol. basically last class for every subject. bcs final is approaching that time. and last but not least, my 2016 ended w sispa final exam.

My 2016 update finally comes to the end. the last 5 months in 2016 basically were my first semester of degree journey. remember when i said i badly want to further in IT related? i really grateful when i didnt give up for matrics, my result was just passed, and i didnt get what my parents wants but god put me nicely in what i deserve. hence, e-commerce. tho at first idk a thing about e-commerce, but day by day, i realize it flows in me since i was small. god plans is always great. i might merungut all the time but i know everything happens for reasons and great thing will finally come. you just have to wait and have faith in allah.

And i am really sorry bcs it took me a month to do this update. but believe me, i was actually very sad, when a friend of mine, suddenly was not my friend anymore, those great time i used to have are now tinggal memories, it saddens me. really. every pictures have its own story. and i realize how people change, day by day, month by month, year by year. even myself. and i am happy for everyone, especially my friends. prayers are all goes to them. take care my lovely friends. still friend or not, still contact or have lost contact, thanks for making my life memorable. thanks bcs you used to be there. i wish you to have a better life. and those who are still w you, or w us, treasure them. bcs we dont know till when they will stick to us. till then. :)

P/s: no pictures on this post update bcs even theres no picture in this, its too long already. no. actually bcs i have problem in transferring pictures from my phone to pc. anyio.